//------------------------------//
// Apology 
// Story: The Diamond Exchange 
// by angelbunny 
//------------------------------//

	Rainbow Dash frowned as she and Fluttershy, flanked by a pair of royal unicorn guards, were escorted into the home of Filthy Rich by a pair of his personal bodyguards.

“This is a complete waste of time, Fluttershy,” said Rainbow Dash. 

“Rainbow Dash, how can you say that?” scolded Fluttershy. “It’s never a waste of time to show somepony a little kindness. Do you remember the time when your back was bothering you after a long day of cloudbusting and I gave you that backwalk?” Rainbow Dash closed her eyes half way and grinned dreamily as she fondly recalled receiving Fluttershy’s TLC. “You didn’t even have to ask me to do that for you. I saw you in discomfort and I volunteered. That’s how kindness works. You offer it to somepony in need... and that’s what I’m doing now.”

“I’m your friend, though. You’ve never even met Filthy Rich.”

“He did send me a lovely fruit basket on the night of my last runwaymodeling gig. Besides, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.”

“Yeah, well, too bad Filthy Rich’s security guards don’t follow that philosophy. You’re the one with a saddlebag and yet we both got searched at the door for weapons.” Rainbow Dash snorted with disgust. “Like I’d even need a weapon if I wanted to hurt him. He’s the one who needed a croquet mallet to-”

“Shhhhhhh!” spat Fluttershy. “He hasn’t been convicted of anything yet so let’s not make things awkward by bringing up allegations, all right?”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“Fine. This is your deal. I’ll just hang back, keep my mouth shut, and wait for it to be over.”

“Hello, ladies,” said Filthy Rich as he entered the study, flanked by a pair of bodyguards.

Fluttershy lifted her wings and stared at the stallion.

“Hey,” said Rainbow Dash, returning Filthy Rich’s greeting but avoiding eye contact with him.

“It’s all right, gentlecolts,” said Filthy Rich to his bodyguards. “You can leave us be. My guests are noble heroines and I couldn’t be in safer company.” The bodyguards nodded and left the room.

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy who was standing motionless.

“Well, go on,” said Rainbow Dash. “It was your idea to come see him.”

“Oh, right,” said Fluttershy meekly. “Um, excuse me, Mr. Rich. You might not remember me but my name is...”

“Fluttershy,” confirmed Filthy Rich. He turned to face Rainbow Dash and smiled warmly. “And you’re the one and only Rainbow Dash. Welcome to my home, ladies. I’m honored that you would see fit to grace my abode with your presence. If it weren’t for your heroic exploits, there wouldn’t be an Equestria in which I could operate my stores.” He turned to face Fluttershy. “Miss Fluttershy, you made quite a splash in the fashion world during your modeling debut a while back. I was quite smitten with you when I saw advertisements throughout Ponyville with your face on them. Although now that I have the opportunity to gaze upon your loveliness with my own eyes, I daresay that the cameras did you any justice. You’re even lovelier than I was led to believe.”

Fluttershy blushed and gave an extended giggle.

“Oh, now, stop that, Mister Rich,” she said, covering her face with her mane momentarily. “You’re embarrassing me. Anyway, I know that you’re a very busy stallion but I just wanted to stop by and give you this.” Fluttershy reached into her saddlebag and removed a small package wrapped in a neatly tied floursack towel. “It’s homemade banana bread. There would be more of it but your bodyguards tasted a piece to check if it might have been poisoned – which it wasn’t, of course.”

Filthy Rich smiled.

“Why, thank you, Miss Fluttershy,” he said. “That’s most kind of you.” He sat down and held out his forehoof to accept the bundle but Fluttershy pulled it away quickly.

“Oh, wait!” she spat, looking quite panicked. “You’re not allergic to walnuts, are you?” Filthy Rich shook his head. “Oh, good. Whew!” She placed the bundle in Filthy Rich’s forehooves.

“I apologize if my bodyguards treated you poorly. They were only doing their job. I do hope that you won’t hold their behavior against them – or me.”

“Oh, no, I understand. Safety first.”

“You’re very gracious, Miss Fluttershy... but I must confess to being a bit confused. There are probably hundreds of Ponyvillians more deserving of your time and generosity than me. Why bring me a gift? And, more to the point, why now?”

“Oh, um, the thing is... this might sound kind of weird... but I wanted to bring this to you because... well, because I can sort of empathize with you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. When I heard about what happened to your daughter, I asked myself ‘what if it was one of my little animal friends who got hurt by somepony?’ and I think I might have flown off the handle, too.” Fluttershy turned her head. “Um... except for the, uh... marenapping and um... you know, that... other thing that you allegedly did which I don’t believe to be true.”

“Thank you for acknowledging that those are allegations and not fact. I would not and did not do that to anypony.” Rainbow Dash looked away and stuck out her tongue as she pretended to gag. Filthy Rich gestured with the hoof that held the banana bread bundle. “Do you mind if I help myself?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” said Fluttershy. “Go right ahead.”

Filthy Rich opened the package carefully. The fragrant banana bread was pre-cut into small squares, most likely by his bodyguards. He popped a piece into his mouth and chewed. The grin he gave Fluttershy indicated that the flavor was to his liking.

“I know what it’s like to get so upset that you lose your head,” continued Fluttershy. “I don’t know all the facts surrounding your trial... but I believe that you didn’t know how you were going to react to Miss Cheerilee hurting your daughter. Nopony plans to lose control. I believe that you’re really sorry that it happened the way it did. Everypony’s eyes are on you right now and I know how horrible that feels, too. So even though you might feel like nopony is on your side, I want you to know that there’s one pony who at least understands.”

Filthy Rich swallowed.

“Miss Fluttershy,” he said. “I want to tell you something. I have dined in some of the finest restaurants in Equestria and abroad that employ classically trained chefs...” His voice cracked and rose in pitch as his eyes became glossy with tears. “...and nothing I have ever eaten in those establishments meant even half as much to me as this banana bread. I don’t have many supporters. Outside of my daughter, nopony’s given me so much as a kind word since I was charged – until you came along. Your act of kindness and your words have moved me deeply. And I don’t know what else to say except... thank you. You’re an angel.”

Fluttershy smiled as tears welled up in her own eyes.

“Oh, you’re welcome, Mister Rich.” Fluttershy lifted her right foreleg and held it half way. “W-Would it be... completely inappropriate to ask if you’d like... a hug?”

“Yes,” blurted Rainbow Dash. “Yes, it would be.” She walked between Fluttershy and Filthy Rich and pushed her friend toward the front door with her head. “Say goodbye to the nice stallion, Fluttershy. It’s time for us to go. Enjoy your banana bread, Mister Rich.”

“Oh, but... Rainbow Dash, wait,” said Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash ignored the request and continued sliding Fluttershy across the floor in the direction of the exit.

Filthy Rich grinned as he dried his tears with his forehoof and waved to his guests.

“Goodbye, ladies,” he said. “I regret that our paths have never crossed before now, Miss Fluttershy... but I do hope they’ll cross again.”

Fluttershy hung on to the doorway with her forelegs. Rainbow Dash went ahead of her and pulled 

“Y-You do?” she asked. “Well... I do make some decent lemon squares. Eep!” Her forelegs finally gave out and Fluttershy was successfully dragged out of the study.


Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flew side by side above Ponyville at a casual speed. Both of them were frowning and neither one looked at the other.

“We didn’t have to leave so abruptly, Rainbow Dash,” noted Fluttershy. “He probably thought we were rude.”

“Rude, schmude,” blurted Rainbow Dash. “I had to get out of that place and I wasn’t about to leave you alone with that guy. Celestia, I’ve never seen such shameless flirting in my life.”

“Oh, he was just being nice to me.”

“I was talking about you.”

Fluttershy turned her head to face Rainbow Dash.

“Ah! I wasn’t flirting with him, Dashie!”

“Puh-lease. Even your gift was flirtatious.”

“My banana bread? How is that flirtatious?”

“Are you kidding me? Banana? The most phallic fruit there is?”

“It was banana bread, Dashie, not innuendo bread.”

“The hay it wasn’t. You might as well have brought him a sheet cake with Rut Me written across it in icing.”

“Now you’re just being disgusting.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

“In this case, it does because you aren’t.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Then fold your wings closed for a second.”

Fluttershy looked at her wings.

“I can’t fold my wings while I’m flying. I’ll fall.”

“You’re not gonna hit the ground if you fall for one second. We’re at least a hundred feet high. Just fold them and then climb back up to this altitude after a second has passed.”

Fluttershy turned her head away and blushed.

“I... I don’t feel like it.”

Rainbow Dash sputtered and laughed.

“Did you think I didn’t notice how those puppies shot straight up when he came into the room? You’ve got the hots for him, Fluttershy. Admit it.”

“I will do no such thing... so please just drop it right now.”

“Good thing you asked me to tag along. Otherwise, who knows what that hug would’ve led to?”

“That’s not dropping it.”

“Which do you think sounds better: Flutterrich or Filthyshy?”

Fluttershy covered her face with her forehooves and bawled. Rainbow Dash’s expression softened as she realized that she had taken her teasing too far.

“Hey, easy now,” said Rainbow Dash. “I was only messing with you.”

“He’s dying, Rainbow Dash. I saw it in his eyes. He knows he’s not going to make it out of this alive. I’ve comforted way too many of my dear, sweet animal friends in their final moments not to know that look when I see it. He made one mistake that’s about to cost him everything and he’s sorry but nopony else is willing to forgive him until he swings from a noose. How would it make you feel to know that a whole town wants you dead and to have just one of those ponies come forward to show you a little kindness?”

“I... Gee. I guess I’d be super grateful and break down like he did.”

“And how would you feel if one of your friends teased you about suddenly finding the stallion of your dreams only to have your heart broken by the pulverizing realization that that stallion’s days are numbered and that there was nothing you could do about it?”

Rainbow Dash winced.

“I’d feel like that friend was being an insensitive jerk. I’m sorry, Fluttershy... and I hate to say it but no matter how you look at it, he took a life. You know there’s a price to pay for that.”

“I know. I wasn’t planning on falling for him, honestly. I really did just want to make somepony feel better... but he was so polite, charming, and handsome that he just melted my heart. And he likes me, too! Oh, what are the odds that a stallion as wonderful as he is would be attracted to a plain mare like me?”

“Uh, Fluttershy? You were a successful model for a little while. Being attractive is kind of a requirement to enter that field. It’s not that hard to believe that a stallion could fall for you. And it’s just my two bits but I think you’re opening yourself up to a world of hurt by crushing on this guy.”

“Crushes are for foals. Filthy Rich is my soulmate. I know it.”

Fluttershy’s eyes opened widely and she gasped.

“Are you okay?” asked Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy’s face lit up with excitement.

“Oh, my gosh!” she gushed. “I know how I can help him!”

“Help him what? Beat his rap?”

“Yes!”

“I dunno. Even if you could, is that really such a wise move? I mean, I’m no GeRM but I do think that he should be punished.”

Fluttershy’s mouth hung open while her eyes fixed on Rainbow Dash. Moments later, her excitement disappeared and she concentrated on where she was flying.

“Well?” asked Rainbow Dash. “What’s this plan of yours?”

“Oh, i-it’s nothing.”

“Don’t give me that. I know you too well, ‘shy. You obviously had an plan a second ago and now you’re afraid to share it with me because you think that I won’t like it. So now that we’ve established that you’re holding out on me, you might as well tell me what it is now because I’m gonna stick to you like glue until you do.”

“Um... I... Well... The first part involves... a trip to Cloudsdale. Bye!”

Fluttershy flew towards Cloudsdale so fast that she left Rainbow Dash spinning.

“Yaaahhh!” yelped Rainbow Dash. Steadying herself, she looked up at the sky and didn’t see a trace of her friend. “Fluttershy, wait up! What do you need in Cloudsdale?” She zoomed after Fluttershy, hoping to find her somewhere on the streets of their hometown.

Fluttershy stuck her head out of a cloud in which she had hidden herself. She looked up at where Rainbow Dash had vanished.

“You, Rainbow Dash,” she whispered as she flew back down to Ponyville.


“YOU WHAT??” squawked Rarity.

“I’m sorry, Rarity,” replied Sweetie Belle as she curled up into a tiny ball on the carpet of Carousel Boutique’s showroom. “I didn’t know what else to do. We were desperate for Spike’s help and it was the only thing I could think of that would get him to budge.”

The fashionista placed the underside of her right forehoof against her forehead and emitted a soft, sustained groan.

“Sweetie Belle,” she said. “You’ve put me in some troublesome predicaments before but this time you’ve surpassed your personal best by leagues. And your timing couldn’t have been any worse, what with Pinkie Pie still missing and those pesky Guilty Rich Movement ponies walking about. If it wasn’t for those GeRMs, I wouldn’t have this ridiculous sign in my window just to keep them from harassing my shop during business hours.” She pointed to the sign in question. It featured a logo of Filthy Rich’s cutie mark with prison bars in front of them.

The bell above the front door rang. A pegasus mare dressed in a maid uniform entered the shop.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique,” said Rarity. “May I help you?”

“Yes,” said the mare. “Bridalwear?”

Rarity pointed to a rack.

“On the far right,” she said. “Do let me know if you need any further assistance.” The pegasus nodded.

“They made you put that in your window?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Not exactly. I saw one of these in the window of Sugarcube Corner. When I asked Mrs.Cake about it, she said that she too had been harassed by the movement and that, after putting up the sign, she hadn’t been visited by a member since. I decided to borrow her idea and it’s worked for me so far. The sooner Filthy Rich is convicted of his crimes, the better off all Ponyville business owners will be.” Rarity trotted to her front door, opened it, and took a look outside. She spotted several royal guards patrolling the streets in pairs and she sighed. “Oh, where, oh, where has my once sane and orderly little hometown gone?”

“It didn’t go anywhere,” said Sweetie Belle, raising an eyebrow. “It’s right outside.”

“That was a rhetorical question, darling.”

“Oh. Anyway, it’s just one date. Just tell Spike to keep his tongue in his own mouth and you should be fine.”

“This is about more than his kissing technique, darling. Spikey-wikey is a sensitive little dragon.” Rarity began to pace back and forth in front of Sweetie Belle. “If I don’t hold up your end of the bargain, the poor dear will be devastated by the rejection. I’m backed into a corner... and now I’ll have no choice but to have the conversation with Spike that I’ve been putting off.”

“What conversation is that?”

Rarity walked over to the window and telekinetically parted the drapes.

“The one where I tell him that I don’t have the same kind of feelings for him as he has for me,” she said.

“Oh.” Sweetie Belle scratched her head. “Is that hard?”

“It is when he and I are friends.” Rarity turned her head back and glared at her little sister. “It was unfair of you to dangle something in front of him as tempting as a date with me that ends with a kiss. The poor dear had no choice but to accept your terms. I mean, really – what stallion would decline an offer like that?”

“Apple Bloom’s cousin Braeburn?” guessed Sweetie Belle.

Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed.

“What straight stallion would decline an offer like that?” she asked, resubmitting the question.

“Mr. Cake?”

“What single, strai- Are you going to answer every rhetorical question I ask?!”

Sweetie Belle recoiled and remained silent as Rarity’s ill temper subsided.

“Yes,” replied Sweetie Belle coolly. “Yes, I am.”

“I’ll go on the date with Spike but I shan’t kiss him. It would make things far too awkward between us.”

“Aw, c’mon, Rarity.” Sweetie Belle galloped to Rarity’s side and slowly nuzzled her big sister’s right foreleg. “If you don’t kiss him, that’ll make me a welsherrrr. Nopony in town will take my word for anything ever again.”

“Hmph!” Rarity turned her nose up. “Serves you right for bartering with my lips, you little jackanapes.” She levitated the drapes and enveloped Sweetie Belle within them. After wrapping her up snugly, Rarity smirked as she used her forehooves to tickle Sweetie Belle who screeched and squealed with laughter from the assault. “You should consider yourself lucky that I’m agreeing to the date at all.” Setting her forelegs back on the floor, she released her magical hold on the drapes and walked away. “Perhaps next time, you’ll settle your debts with currency you actually own.” Sweetie Belle stumbled out from the drapes and rolled onto her back, huffing and puffing to catch her breath.

Rarity hopped onto the platform in front of her three full length showroom mirrors to admire herself. She was stunning as usual, which came as no surprise to her, but she knew that beauty was only hide deep. And time, that master thief, would rob her of her youth and with it the comeliness that she worked so hard to maintain. Time was precisely why she and Spike could never have anything beyond friendship.

“I think that the real problem here is that you’re looking at this the wrong way.” Sweetie Belle stood up on all fours and trotted over to Rarity. “Kissing Spike could actually be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.”

“Oh, this should be good,” scoffed Rarity. She turned in place and smirked as she lay down. She planted her elbows on the platform and rested her jaw upon her forehooves. “How, pray tell, could kissing a dragon come even close to eclipsing anything I’ve accomplished thus far? I entreat you to enlighten me with your logic.”

Sweetie Belle glared at Rarity.

“You don’t have to be so snotty with me,” stated Sweetie Belle.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re making what I feel is an outrageous claim and I suspect that you haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.” Rarity extended her right foreleg and gestured upward and outward to the boutique. “You happen to be standing in one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You’re saying that kissing Spike could be on par with starting my boutique. If you can make me eat my words, then have at it – but you can’t fault me for being skeptical.”

“Okay, so let’s say that you stick to a strict diet, exercise every day, get regular checkups from your doctor and do all that other stuff to stay healthy. You live to the ripe old age of a hundred years old... and then one night – plop! You poop in your bed. I’m just kidding. You live to be a hundred and then one night – plop! You pass away painlessly in your sleep of natural causes. Now... if you went on that date with Spike but didn’t kiss him, you’d be dead and gone.”

“But if I did kiss him?”

Sweetie Belle smiled.

“But if you did kiss him,” she continued, “well... technically, you’d still be dead and gone, but Spike’s first kiss... um, it would be his first kiss, right?”

“I would imagine so.”

“Spike’s first kiss will stay in his memory for as long as he lives... which could be a few thousand years. Just picture it: he’ll be sitting in front of a bonfire just outside of Ponyville telling a bunch of his pony friends about the time he kissed the most beautiful mare who ever lived. He’ll tell the story so often and with such detail that poets will write odes about you. Musicians will compose symphonies in honor of you. Sculptors will be inspired to capture your beauty in stone. Future generations of lovers and dreamers all over Equestria will consider the passion of Rarity the unicorn as the yardstick by which all romance should be measured.”

Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and sighed dreamily.

“And it might just be me but I can’t think of anypony worthier of a monument as romantic as that than my very own big sister – even if she’s an enormous snot sometimes.”

Rarity pondered her little sister’s point. She stared into space and scratched her chin. Death was inevitable but to be remembered as an icon of romance and beauty for millennia after her demise was not. The idea catered to her ego and it would be a far greater tribute than any accolade she might receive for being a fashion designer. And the price that she would have to pay for that legacy was so small that it was almost negligible. She looked at Sweetie Belle quizzically.

“You’ve given this quite a bit of thought, haven’t you?” asked Rarity.

“Meh,” said Sweetie Belle smugly as she gave Rarity a quick shrug. “A little. It’s just common sense, really. So... how are those words tasting about now?”

Rarity stared at the floor and gave a pensive snort.

“Very well. I shall present Spike with the option to kiss me.” She looked back at Sweetie Belle. “But I shall first present him with my reasons for why he shouldn’t. Once I’ve spoken my piece, the choice will be his to make. Que sera sera.”

“Yes!” shouted Sweetie Belle. She bounced into the air and landed on all four hooves. “Thanks, Rarity. You’ve saved my reputation.”

“Tell me,” said Rarity. “Did Scootaloo write that little speech for you?”

Sweetie Belle frowned.

“None of your business, Snotty McSnotface,” she said.

“She did, didn’t she?” Rarity grinned at her little sister.

Sweetie Belle puffed up her cheeks.

“Your dresses suck!” she yelled.

The pegasus mare, with a dress and veil draped over her back, approached the checkstand and set the garments down on the counter.

“I’ll take these,” said the mare.

Rarity trotted to the counter and rang up her customer. She bagged up the garments and gave the bag to the mare.

“Thank you very much for your business, miss,” chirped Rarity. “Have a lovely day and please drop in again.” The mare took the bag in her mouth, bowed in thanks, and left the shop. Rarity walked back to Sweetie Belle with a swagger and a smirk. “Do five thousand bits suck, little sister? Because that’s what I just made in that one sale. That’s our Manehattan vacation money. That is, it was our vacation money. I don’t know that we should leave town at all this summer if my dresses suck. Why, a problem as dire as that should be addressed immediately and could take several years to correct.”

“Fine, I take it back,” growled Sweetie Belle. She looked at the front door. “Gee. You’d think a nice boss would give their maid some time off from work to shop for her wedding dress.”

“Well, that mare might not have been a real maid.”

“Then why would she wear a maid uniform?”

Rarity blinked and chewed on her lip.

“I’ll... tell you when you’re a little older,” she replied.


Judge Harshly was escorted into the study of Filthy Rich’s mansion. He found a stallion there that he wasn’t expecting to see.

“Haul Goodwagon?” he asked.

“Judge Harshly,” greeted Haul. “Judging – no pun intended – by the look on your face, I’m going to hazard a guess and say that you also have no idea why Mister Rich sent for you.”

“You’d be right. I just received a message saying that he required my services immediately and that I’d be well compensated for my time. No further details.”

“I received a similar message. Looks like we’re both in for a surprise.”

Filthy Rich entered the study with a smile on his face.

“Gentlecolts,” he said. “I’d delighted that you could make it on such short notice.”

“What’s this about, Richard?” asked Judge Harshly.

“I suppose I could tell you what this is about... but why don’t I show you instead?”

Filthy Rich opened the study door and a pony entered.

Haul’s jaw dropped. It was the reaction Filthy Rich was hoping to see.

“So this is why you needed me, eh, Richard?” asked Judge Harshly, adjusting his glasses.

“Rich,” said Haul. “I don’t know how you did it but we might have a shot at this.” He chuckled heartily as he dug into his briefcase. “My Celestia, if this is legit, we seriously might still have a shot at this!”


Princess Twilight Sparkle lay on the highest cloud that hung above Canterlot Castle as she was instructed to do in the message that she received from Princess Celestia the day before. Twilight sighed and decided to have a refreshment while she waited for her mentor to arrive. She telekinetically removed a tuft from her cloud and conjured a small vial of lemon-lime cloud flavor enhancer. After administering a few drops of the liquid to the cloud, she swirled it until the tuft turned green. She then moved it above her head, tilted her head back, and struck the tuft with her forehoof, causing lemon-lime flavored precipitation to fall into her open mouth. When the tuft exhausted itself, she swallowed her drink.

Twilight’s left ear rotated as she heard a distinctive beating of wings; wings that were larger than those of the average pegasus. Moments later, Princess Celestia rose up from underneath the cloud and sat on it, facing Twilight with a smile.

“Hello, Twilight,” said Celestia.

“Hello, Your Highness,” said Twilight.

“I must say – you’ve looked better.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“By whom?”

“By my parents. I visited them earlier today.”

“How are they?”

“Good. They’re collaborating on a parenting book titled We Raised a Prince and a Princess – And So Can You!”

“Well, if any two ponies are better qualified to instruct others on foal rearing, I should like to meet them.”

“I read their rough draft. They’re including these anecdotes about Shining and me when we were foals. It’s so embarrassing. If they weren’t donating all the proceeds of the book to charity, I’d be so ticked off at them.”

“But Twilight, it’s every parent or guardian’s inalienable right to embarrass the children in their care... and there’s a very good reason for that.” Celestia smiled. “It’s because it’s so much fun!” Celestia repeatedly tapped her chin with her forehoof. “Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I’ve embarrassed somepony. Follow me, please.” Celestia dove toward the castle and Twilight followed.

The alicorns landed in the castle garden where a few guards were out on patrol. Celestia approached the nearest guard and looked him squarely in the eye.

“Captain,” she said. “Summon every guard in the palace here at once.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” said the guard. He produced a bugle and blew three long notes. In moments, the many guards of Canterlot Castle had assembled in the garden around the princess. Twilight found herself stepping farther and farther away from Celestia so as not to block anypony’s line of sight to the princess.

These poor guards have no idea they’re going to be embarrassed to pieces by her, thought Twilight.

“Thank you all for coming,” said Princess Celestia. “I have called you here for an urgent matter so please pay close attention to what I am about to say. You have all sworn an oath to obey my commands without question and I have a command for you now. For the next few minutes, you are no longer my royal guards. Instead, you will be a simple gathering of stallions. In other words, I want you all to act as though you were off duty. I want your natural reactions as I read you something. Stomp once if you understand me.” The guards stomped once in unison. Celestia’s horn lit up as she conjured a piece of red construction paper in the shape of a heart which she levitated in front of her. “I want to read to you from this hoofmade Hearts and Hooves Day card that was given to me by Princess Twilight Sparkle when she was a little filly during her first year at my School For Gifted Unicorns.”

Twilight gasped.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” she screamed.

“‘Dear Princess Celestia, I love you.’”

“Awwwwwww,” cooed the guards.

Twilight attempted to fly away but Celestia cast a second levitation spell to keep her protégé from leaving the immediate area.

“‘You are so very beautiful and I love absolutely everything about you. And you smell nice, too.’”

Twilight covered her ears with her forehooves and her face with her wings.

“I’m not list-en-iiiiiiiing,” sang Twilight. “Winter wrap-up, winter wrap-uuuuuuuuup...”

“I want to be just like you when I grow up. I gave you this card because...” Celestia held her right forehoof over her mouth and laughed. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, my goodness! I forgot this part!” She cleared her throat and reread the sentence. “‘I gave you this card because I don’t like boys.’”

The guards exploded with laughter. At least one responded with a wolf whistle.

“Hey!” shouted Twilight, sitting up and uncovering her beet red face so that she could scan the guards for the one who wolf whistled. “I heard that! That’s not funny! I like boys now! I just didn’t like them then!”

“‘I hope you have a happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Your Highness. Love, Twilight Sparkle. Ex-oh-ex-oh-ex-oh-ex-oh-ex-oh.’” Celestia made the card vanish. “Everypony, let’s have a big round of applause for my adorable faithful student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

The guards turned around to face Twilight. They cheered and applauded Twilight with stomps.

Twilight leered at Celestia disdainfully.

“Thank you for your time, gentlecolts,” said Celestia. “You may now return to your duties.” The guards bowed and departed for their posts. Celestia walked to where Twilight sat and grinned at her. “So how is the trial going?”

Twilight did not reply. She continued to leer at Celestia.

“What’s wrong, Twilight?” asked Celestia, smiling playfully at her former student. “Don’t you love me anymore?” She tilted her head at a silly angle. “Or perhaps I don’t smell as nice as I used to.”

Twilight grinned, unable to stay mad at Celestia for very long.

“The trial has been exhausting. Listening to attorneys drone on for hours on end and then going home to read book after book on criminal law just so that I can keep up with it all is draining all of my energy. I hate the patronizing tone in their voices when they dumb things down for me so that I can understand.”

“You mean it’s not just Filthy Rich’s attorney berating you?”

“I wish! The D.A. is just as bad! You should hear the way those smarmy parasites get in their digs at me for being green while staying juuuust outside of being flat out disrespectful. They think I don’t belong on that bench. And I know – I... know – that if I gave them a warning, they’d laugh behind my back like a couple of schoolyard bullies. Here I am, wrestling with my conscience over trying to reach the most ethical decision possible because I actually care that somepony’s life hangs in the balance – but for them, it’s business as usual! Just another day at the office.”

Twilight deepened her voice to mimic a pair of stallion’s voices.

“‘Mornin’, Ralph. ‘Mornin’, Sam. Your client’s getting hanged tomorrow, huh? Yeah, he didn’t have a prayer after that amazing closing argument of yours knocked the judge’s horseshoes off. Yeah, but you had me on the ropes for a while there with those character witnesses. You really forced me to step up my game. Thanks. Well, better luck next time. No hard feelings, right, Sam? Never. Coffee? Only if you’re buying.’”

“They don’t care,” continued Twilight in her normal voice. “Why should they? They’re still getting paid. And how could they care? You’ve got to have a soul to have compassion, right? There’s no way a pony could pursue a career in law and keep their soul intact. No wonder there are corrupt judges; the whole system invites indifference and corruption! I used to think that justice was about fairness. Now I see how naïve I was. It’s all a feeding frenzy where what you get depends on the size of the jaws of the shark that you can afford to bite on your behalf. But the worst part of this whole experience is that I can’t share the details of the case with my support structure. Applejack’s honesty, Rainbow Dash’s loyalty... I never realized how dependent I’ve become upon my friends’ perspectives to get by. I can’t even talk about the case with you! It’s maddening! It’s Tartarus! It’s...”

Twilight frowned.

“...Anti-friendship,” she hissed. “But I’m not planning on letting you down, Princess. I have never failed a test in my life and I don’t intend to start now... but it’s stressful; so stressful that I don’t even remember why you summoned me here today.”

“You were summoned here today so that we might discuss the finer points of... botany.”

“Botany? Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Right. Botany.” Twilight pointed to the sky. “Back to the cloud?”

Princess Celestia nodded and both alicorns took to the air to return to their previous cloud. After making themselves comfortable, Princess Celestia cleared her throat.

“I shall now tell you what I know of ambrosia blossoms,” she said. “But first, you must swear to me on your honor as a princess that you will never reveal what I am about to tell you.”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” recited Twilight.

Celestia chuckled.

“Ah, time; you tireless censor, you,” she said. “Twilight, did you know that the playground oath you just recited is a watered down version of its original phrasing?”

“No. What was its original phrasing?”

“It was – and I quote: ‘Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye’.”

“Ouch. That’s pretty extreme for a playground oath.”

“The playgrounds of old were very extreme by today’s standards.”

“Y’know, I thought the ‘hope to fly’ portion of the oath was kind of a weak penalty. If a pegasus made that swear, the ‘hope to fly’ part isn’t even a punishment. They can already fly; no hope required.”

“Now then – you’ve been to the gates of Tartarus before... and a brave unicorn can visit that place quite easily... but only alicorns may visit and enter... the gates of Elysium.”

Twilight’s eyes widened.

“You’ve been to Elysium?” she asked.

“I have,” said Celestia. “And so have my sister and your sister-in-law. It’s a delightful place. Now that you’ve become an alicorn, you are eligible to visit it. Would you like to join me on my next trip there?”

Twilight smiled. She was being invited to see the paradise reserved for ponies who lived a good life – and while she was still alive, to boot.

“Yes, I’d love to!” she replied.

“Splendid. Luna, Cadance and I go there occasionally to relax when the pressures of ruling our provinces take their toll on us. Cadance came with us for a while but has declined further visits due to her dedication to the Crystal Empire and her devotion to your brother. Ambrosia blossoms are edible flowers indigenous to Elysium’s golden fields. They’re unquestionably the sweetest, most delicious flower I’ve ever eaten... and quite possibly the most delicious food item an alicorn could ever eat.”

“Better than a three layer chocolate cake?”

“I’ll put it this way: if one were to top a three layer chocolate cake with ambrosia blossoms, they would be ruining some perfectly good ambrosia blossoms.”

“Ooh,” cooed Twilight.

“...and I believe you know of my fondness for le gateau.”

“I believe I do.”

“In addition to their incomparable flavor, ambrosia blossoms have special properties. They take one’s mind off of one’s troubles. The effect is only temporary but long lasting and undeniably enjoyable.”

“They sound harmless enough... so why all the secrecy?”

“If my subjects became aware of the existence of ambrosia blossoms, I’m afraid that a formal request would be made for the blossoms to be made available to the general public. And I wouldn’t want to refuse them... but I would. There are many things I would do for my subjects but I have no intention of becoming a blossom farmer for them.”

“You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.”

“Exactly. Nor do I intend to put you, Cadance, or Luna to work in the fields squandering your magical energy harvesting flowers when you could be called upon at any moment to defend our land. What my subjects don’t know won’t hurt them and Cadance and Luna have sworn to keep the blossoms a secret. I refuse to bring even a single blossom back to earth with me – not after what happened the last time.”

“What happened the last time?”

“A few centuries ago, I brought one ambrosia blossom to the village elder of a zebra village in the Everfree Forest. Zimbabwe was her name. She was an alchemist just like your friend Zecora. I gave Zimbabwe the blossom in the hope that she could study it and perhaps find some other uses for it. Naturally, she had never seen such a flower and was eager to experiment with it. A week later, when I returned to the village to see if any progress had been made, she claimed that the flower had been stolen by Majununi, a creature of zebra folklore. I didn’t want to accuse them of taking the blossom for themselves so I simply let it go – and never asked the zebras for their help again.”

“Is there a reason why you suspected they were lying? Maybe this Majununi really did take the ambrosia blossom.”

“It’s possible... but highly unlikely. In any case, the blossoms are better off in my care. I don’t know what would happen if a non-alicorn were to ingest one and there’s no need to find out because I won’t make them available to non-alicorns. I don’t even know if their seeds can be grown on Equestrian soil. I do know that consuming too many of the flowers in too short a time can dull the senses so be mindful of that when you partake of them. Discovering one’s tolerance level can be tricky. The blossoms are as intoxicating as they are delicious. Compared to ambrosia blossoms, a mug of Sweet Apple Acres cider might as well be a bottle of Snaffle iced tea.”

“Have you tried the peach flavor Snaffle?”

“Oh, yes, I adore peach Snaffle. It’s most refreshing. The ability to forget one’s troubles via the blossoms has its advantages but one must always attend to one’s responsibilities. For this reason, I believe that your visit should wait until after the Filthy Rich trial has ended. I suspect you’ll need more than a few blossoms to deal with its conclusion.”

“Oh, the blossoms are just the beginning! I can’t wait to talk to the ponies who’ve gone before me. All the great thinkers, scientists, pioneers, and philosophers... Friedrich Neightzsche... Martin Haydegger... Susan B. Anthoneigh... Aristrotle... OH! And how could I forget? Starswirl The Bearded! Joy of joys!” Twilight smiled and clapped her forehooves together three times.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but that’s simply not possible.”

Twilight pouted.

“What?” she asked. “Why not?”

“While Elysium is indeed the home for the spirits of the noble dead, we alicorns can neither see nor interact with them. Nor can those spirits see or interact with a living alicorn. We inhabit the same space as those spirits but we exist on two different planes... and ne’er the twain shall meet.”

“So it’s just an enormous empty field?” asked a crestfallen Twilight. “Not even an angel?”

“No. Oh, there is Surebrec, the giant three-bodied dog guarding the gates.”

“Th...Three-bodied dog??”

Twilight’s face contorted as she tried to wrap her mind around the notion of a reverse Cerberus.

“That was a joke, Twilight,” said Celestia. “There’s no such thing as a three-bodied dog.”

“Oh! Ha ha! I am so gullible. If you’ll pardon me for saying so, Princess, the way you describe Elysium makes it sound kind of lackluster to somepony like me who grew up in Canterlot.”

Celestia stood up and smiled confidently.

“Spoken like a pony who hasn’t seen it while under the influence of an ambrosia blossom,” she said. “Come. Let us retire to my dining hall. There’s an extra large box of Donut Joe donuts due to arrive there at any moment and I could use somepony to assist me by eating the plain donuts that have made their way into the assortment.”

“Thank you, Princess, I am so hungry – wait, I only get to eat the plain ones?? Come on, Your Highness! At least let me have a Prench cruller.”

“Out of the question, Twilight.” Celestia closed her eyes and held her head high in a regal fashion. “You get the plain ones or none at all...” She opened one eye and grinned. “...unless you think you can beat me to the dining hall table in a race.”

Twilight grinned with confidence as her competitive juices began to flow.

“You’re on, Princess.”

“Here are the rules: no magic – and crashing into anypony results in an automatic disqualification. First one to touch any part of the dining room table with any part of their anatomy wins.”

“Agreed. Though it’s only fair to warn you that I’ve been training with Rainbow Dash and my precision flying has seen quite a bit of improvement.”

Celestia conjured a racing light. Once the green light flashed, the alicorns dove off of the cloud together to see who the faster flier was. As much as Twilight looked forward to eating non-plain donuts, her curiosity regarding the ambrosia blossoms was sufficiently piqued. She was one of four beings in all the land eligible to partake of this rare delicacy. And with Celestia personally vouching for the ambrosia blossoms, she could barely wait to try one.


Rarity knocked on the door to Spike’s room in Ponyville Castle.

“Spike?” she called out. “Are you in?”

The door to Spike’s room opened slowly. 

“Oh. Hi, Rarity.” Spike wrung his claws with worry and sweat poured down his head. “So, listen, about that date...”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here, actually. Does tonight at six o’clock work for you?”

Spike’s jaw dropped.

“Yes,” he peeped.

“Do you like Gallopini’s restaurant?”

“Yes.”

“See you there at six. Wear your tux and don’t be late.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and Spike?”

“Yes.”

“Do be a dear and use some mouthwash before stepping out. Use peppermint if  possible. It’s my favorite flavor.”

Rarity closed the door behind her. She made a left to visit her room of the castle and grinned when she heard the soft thud of Spike fainting on his floor.


Diamond Tiara’s right forehoof hovered over the doorbell on the gate of her home’s intercom system. She was hesitant to press it and had been for the last twenty minutes. She flinched as the gates opened on their own. She reasoned that somepony must have been watching the front and spotted her. She sighed and walked slowly through the gates. She had lost count of how many times she had complained that the walk from the gate to the front door was long. Now it wasn’t long enough.

“You can do this, Diamond Tiara,” she said to herself. “Zippoorwhill’s got your back.”

Randolph opened the front door and stepped to one side, allowing Diamond Tiara to enter. She saw her father sitting on the couch.

“Hi, Dad,” she said softly.

“Hello, Diamond Tiara,” said Filthy Rich. He looked at the top of his daughter’s head. “I see you’ve bought yourself a new tiara.”

Diamond Tiara shook her head.

“I won this,” she said. “But I also lost something. I lost the respect of the stallion who raised me... the stallion who loved me... the stallion who brought me into the world. Although, right about now, I don’t know how you feel about having that distinction.” She walked closer to him and stood in front of where he sat. “I’ve brought shame upon you. I’ve pissed all over the family name; the name that you’ve worked so hard to make special. And... I made you cry. There’s no excuse for that. There’s no excuse for anything that I’ve done. I’ve been a dirty, rotten ingrate and I’m so sorry. I’d ask you for your forgiveness if I thought for one second that I deserved it. So instead of asking for it, I have a proposition for you. You’re a businesspony; the best in Equestria. And any good businesspony is always open to listening to a good proposition, right?”

“I’m listening.”

“I’ve had a revelation, Daddy. I see now that the way that I’ve been going about things has been totally wrong. I recognize my behavior for what it is: complete selfishness. I could ask you for your forgiveness but if I’m so keen on stuff that I’ve earned on my own, how could asking you for it be anything but more selfishness? And if you were to just give it to me, what would you be getting out of it? So here’s my proposal.”

Diamond Tiara licked her lips.

“I’m gonna dedicate the rest of my life to earning that forgiveness from you – fair and square. I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could undo the damage I’ve done... but what I can do is make smart choices from now on. Good choices. The right kind of choices that help others. The poor. The sick. The needy. I’ve got so many helpful things planned for the future that it’s making my head spin. Everypony that I can help, I will help. And one day, ponies the world over are gonna look at me as I walk by and say ‘That’s Filthy Rich’s daughter. He must be so proud of her.’”

Filthy Rich grinned.

“This is really what you want to do?” he asked.

“More than you know,” replied Diamond Tiara.

“All right. I’ve heard your proposition... and I must say that I like what I’m hearing. In fact, I’d say that you’ve sold me on this idea. I’ll withhold my forgiveness for now and see how you do. If you can turn yourself around and I see a legitimate level of improvement, you’ll have earned my forgiveness.”

“That’s all I ask.” She turned her head and dug at the carpet with her left forehoof. “Well, that – and that you not throw me out on the street. I’m not that independent just yet.”

Filthy Rich chuckled.

“This is your home, Diamond Tiara,” he said. “You may have to earn my forgiveness... but you’ll always have my love and support.”

Diamond Tiara smiled. She fidgeted for want of giving him a hug but she refrained from doing so since it might have been too much too soon. Instead, she saluted him.

“I guess I’ll go wash up for dinner,” she said. “I’m famished.”

“Me too. See you in the dining room. Oh, and we’ll be having a special surprise guest coming over for dinner tomnorrow.”

“Oh? Anypony I know?”

Filthy Rich grinned.

“If you don’t, you will soon.”

Diamond Tiara nodded, turned around, and walked toward the corridor that led to her room. She was so giddy with happiness over having mended her relationship with her father that she was on the verge of tears. Her pace came to an abrupt halt, having almost bumped into Randolph.

“Oops, please excuse me, mistress,” he said.

Diamond Tiara looked at Randolph’s face and she smiled. She crouched with her forelegs, launched her upper body toward him, and hugged his neck.

“I love you, Randolph,” she said, squeezing him tightly. “There, I said it. I’ll do you one better: you’re like family to me.” She nuzzled his cheek enthusiastically. “Did you know that?”

“Uh... no, mistress, I didn’t,” replied Randolph.

“Well, you are. I’ll talk to my dad about giving you a raise. You deserve it for putting up with my crap all these years; crap which I swear you’ll never have to deal with ever again.” Diamond Tiara released Randolph and landed on her hooves and wheels. “See you at dinner.” She walked to her room, grinning and humming a tune along the way.

Randolph stood in the hallway, dumbfounded by what had just taken place.

“Are you all right, Randolph?” asked a kitchen assistant who happened to be walking by.

“Diamond Tiara just hugged me and told me that she loved me.”

“The mistress was actually... nice to you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know whether to be frightened or... no, never mind. I’m frightened. Very frightened.”

“Not as much as I am.”


Gallopini’s was usually Ponyville’s liveliest five star restaurant. On this night, however, the turnout was much smaller because Rarity had reserved the entire restaurant for Spike and herself. Special guest pianist Frederick Horseshoepin was at the grand piano stationed at the far end of the restaurant and he played a sweeping romantic tune for the two friends’ listening enjoyment. Spike was dressed in his gala tuxedo while Rarity wore a stylish black dress and had her mane styled in an updo that brought to mind Audrey Hoofburn’s look in the movie Breakfast at Tiffwhinny’s. 

“How was your meal?” asked Rarity.

“My compliments to the chef! The carrot and aquamarine soup was exquisite, the portobello emerald loaf with garnet mashed potatoes was succulent, and the rubies jubilee...” Spike brought his right claw to his lips and made a kiss sound as he drew his claw away. “...was cooked to perfection. It was the best meal that any dragon has ever had. No contest. You might even say it was... flawless! Heh heh heh!”

Rarity giggled politely at Spike’s pun.

“I’m so glad to hear that you enjoyed it,” she said.

“Are you sure I can’t pick up the check? I can, you know.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you to offer but it’s already been taken care of. Mrs. Gallopini, Mister Gallopini’s wife, is a regular customer of mine and arrangements were made for our meals in advance. I provided the cooking staff with the gems for your selections and they provided the labor and equine food selections for me.” Spike nodded. “But we’re not leaving just yet.”

Rarity’s right forehoof drifted toward her neck and she rested it atop her fire ruby necklace.

“Do you remember the day you gave this to me, Spike?” she asked.

“How could I forget? That was around the time I turned into that giant monster and ran amuck in Ponyville. I’m lucky Twilight’s dragon insurance policy was paid up. If she hadn’t become an alicorn princess, she would’ve had to get a second job just to be able to afford the monthly premiums.”

“You weren’t the only one who turned into a monster, you know.”

“Oh?”

“I turned into the green-eyed variety, if you get my meaning. I was convinced that you eating that fire ruby would have been a waste. I had a feeling that, given your fondness for me, you would have given it to me if I made my desire for it apparent. And that’s exactly what you did. I’m not destitute. At the very least I could have offered to purchase it from you or exchange it with a larger quantity of slightly lower quality gems. But instead, I decided to take advantage of your feelings for me and I got it for free. And later on, I felt awful for manipulating you... and I must confess that the guilt over my actions has never completely left me.”

“But I wanted you to have it, Rarity. You’ve never asked me for anything before and... I actually had something that you wanted. That had never happened before. It felt good.”

Rarity grinned.

“Spike, there are some things that I’d like to say to you tonight. I want to tell you how I feel about you so that there’s no misunderstanding between us.”

Spike sighed and folded his arms.

“I figured this was coming,” he said dejectedly. “Guess we might as well get it over with.”

“And do feel free to stop me if I start to sound patronizing. Sweetie Belle tells me that I have a habit of talking down to others but, much like her cutie mark, I just don’t see it. Booyah!” Rarity smiled and extended her right foreleg toward Spike. “Up top!”

Spike didn’t indulge Rarity in a hoofbump. Rarity raised an eyebrow at the silent treatment she was getting from Spike. She was certain that she got the terminology right from the times she overheard Rainbow Dash solicit her friends for congratulatory hoofbumps following clever zingers.

“Oh, come now, Spike, she’s my little sister,” said Rarity in her own defense. “I’m allowed to make fun of her every now and then.” Rarity took a sip from her margarita. “I’m trying to lighten the mood here, Spike. Work with me, darling.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m not laughing because I can relate to her situation: wanting something desperately for so long... but never having it.”

“Yes, well, that’s.... heh heh... hmm.” Rarity took another sip of her margarita and felt that there wasn’t nearly enough tequila in it. “Spike... You are my dear friend and my hero.”

“That doesn’t sound rehearsed at all,” remarked Spike sarcastically.

Rarity frowned.

“Well, excuse me for wanting to handle this with some tact. This isn’t easy for me. The least you could do is cut me a little slack. You’re my friend and I care about you too much to simply run off at the mouth about my feelings if there’s a chance that I might hurt your feelings by being too blunt.” Her expression softened. “I admit that I may have rehearsed some of what I’m about to say,” she said softly, “but I assure you that my words are still sincere... and they are the words of a friend. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“I guess.”

“Thank you. Now please let me get through this. Once I’m done, I’m certain that you’ll appreciate the time and effort I put into preparing it beforehoof.”

“Okay. Sorry.”

Rarity fidgeted and sat up straight.

“You have so many admirable qualities that it would take me the rest of the night just to list them all. You’re intelligent, courageous, sweet, helpful, sensitive, humble, loyal, trustworthy, supportive, you bake excellent cookies, and Celestia knows that you know how to make me laugh. You have everything a mare could ever want in a significant other...” She fidgeted and averted her eyes for a moment. “...except... for one thing.”

Spike hung his head and closed his eyes.

“A pony’s life expectancy,” he said with mopiness prominent in his tone.

Rarity closed her eyes and gave Spike a slow nod.

“A pony’s life expectancy,” echoed Rarity softly. “The life expectancy of the average dragon has yet to be recorded with reliable data but from what little Princess Celestia knows about them based on the few dragons she’s encountered, it’s been determined that they can live upwards of several thousand years. Compared to that, a pony’s life is over in the blink of an eye. Let’s suppose that something did happen between the two of us, Spike. No matter how beautiful that something might be – and I don’t deny the possibility that we could truly have something beautiful together – it won’t change the fact that, with the passing of time, I will age... and lose my faculties... and... eventually, I will die – eons before you’d ever find your first gray scale.”

Spike hid his face in his napkin and sobbed. Rarity’s ears drooped as she watched him cry.

“Oh, my,” said Rarity. “Was it something I said, Spike, darling?”

Spike dabbed his eyes dry with the napkin and blew his nose into it.

“No,” he replied. “It’s not you. The things you’re saying, well, it’s not as though I haven’t thought about it every day since I found out what my ball park life expectancy was. Twilight, Applejack, you and the others... I know that I’m eventually gonna lose you all. The only thing that makes that even remotely bearable is that we’re all together here and now. Joking together. Laughing together. As friends. And what you’re doing right now? This whole dinner thing? I know I’m being kind of a grouchy jerk to you about it... but I’m still happy. I’m happy that you cared about me enough to take the time to sit and eat and talk with me. And I’ll never forget this night for as long as I live.”

“Nor shall I. My point is that it’s better that you mourn the loss of Rarity your good friend than Rarity your very special somepony. Little else would pain me more than to leave this world knowing that my dear Spikey-wikey would mourn the passing of me, his lost love, for the millennia that he had left to him. I suspect that, deep down, you understand that and you agree that remaining friends would be in our best interests. I know it doesn’t seem likely now but there may be a dragoness out there just waiting for a dragon like you to come along and sweep her off her claws. And when I think of how lucky she’ll be to have you as her husband, I find myself turning into that green-eyed monster yet again... because she’ll have thousands of years to cherish the kindest, most generous dragon I know.”

Spike smiled.

“Now,” said Rarity. “If you understand why I can’t return your feelings and you still want this kiss to happen, I would be happy to oblige you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Whether this kiss makes the impossibility of a relationship between us easier or harder for you to bear is ultimately up to you... but know that this kiss will be our first and our last. Have you made your decision?”

“Yes,” said Spike. “But I didn’t make it tonight.” His eyes became tearlogged once more. “I made it on the day I first set eyes on you, most beautiful one. I would very much like to kiss you.”

Rarity levitated the dinnerware and cutlery on the table and moved it out of the way to clear a path for Spike. She levitated her margarita to her muzzle and swirled her tongue around the rim of the glass, licking all of the salt from it. After washing it down with the remainder of the drink, she closed her eyes and sighed.

“Then come to me, Spike,” she said with a relaxed smile. “Come to me while we still share this hour upon the stage and give me a good account of yourself.”

Spike climbed the table and approached Rarity. He placed a finger under her chin to hold her steady and placed his lips upon hers.

The kiss took Rarity by surprise. She was expecting Spike to either slobber all over her like some clumsy dog or to press forward forcefully for a romance movie style kiss. Instead, he simply held her lips gently within his own with just enough pressure to match hers. He was so tender and sweet with her that she could easily have mistaken the kiss for a butterfly perching on her face.

A raging river of emotions flooded her heart as she tasted the love within Spike’s kiss; the love that would last longer than she would. Her tears burned as they welled up and came spilling down her face. She broke the kiss, backed away, and started to cry.

“Oh, my Celestia,” whimpered Rarity, covering her mouth with her forehoof.

Spike looked around awkwardly, unsure of how to react to Rarity’s crying.

“I’m so sorry, Rarity,” said Spike. “I couldn’t exactly practice my kiss with somepony. I read every book on kissing that Twilight has in the castle library and I was sure I had it down.”

Rarity shook her head.

“Your kiss was wonderful, Spike, ” she whimpered. “I’m so sorry. I beg of you not to think me cruel for rejecting your feelings. If there was some other way, I’d give you a chance; really, I would. It’s just so unfair. You’re offering me all the love and affection I could ever need... but I daren’t accept it because I care for you too much to put you through the pain of losing me. And I know you’re going to lose me one way or the other but... Oh, my sweet Spikey-wikey. I’m so terribly sorry!”

Spike reached out and hugged Rarity who, in turn, wrapped her forelegs around him. After holding one another and sobbing together for several minutes, they released one another and looked into one other’s eyes.

“You’re even beautiful when you’re crying,” said Spike, smiling through his tears. He gently drew a knuckle across Rarity’s cheek and wiped a mascara-darkened tear away. “But please don’t shed any tears for me.”

Rarity smiled. She sniffled and chuckled through her sobs.

“They’re not all for you,” she whimpered. “Some of them are for myself.”

Spike smiled joyfully as his heart swelled with pride. Knowing that Rarity would shed even one tear over the relationship that was not meant to be was a greater honor than he felt he deserved.

“For the love of Celestia, would somepony please bring me a dessert menu?” wailed Rarity to the wait staff. “Depressed mare in need of large quantities of ice cream over here!!”


Crickets chirped noisily as Diamond Tiara pressed the page button of the Toity Finish estate’s front gate intercom. She looked back at her stagecoach which was pulled over to the side of the road. It was brand new but of a simpler design than the one she was accustomed to using. Since the Guilty Rich Movement knew what her family stagecoach looked like, it was in Filthy Rich’s best interests to obtain a new, less luxurious one for discreet traveling, especially for night travel. Even the ponies responsible for pulling the stagecoach were dressed casually.

“Yes?” said a voice which she recognized as Bertram’s.

“Bertram, it’s me,” said Diamond Tiara. “Is Silver Spoon still up?”

“Just a moment, Miss Tiara. I’ll see.”

Diamond Tiara fidgeted nervously while waiting for Bertram’s reply. She knew that the strategy she used to earn her father’s forgiveness would not work on Silver Spoon. She didn’t have the luxury of sharing a residence with her friend the way she did with her father. If Silver Spoon didn’t want to deal with her, she wouldn’t have to. Diamond Tiara gulped at the thought of this being the last time she’d be permitted near Silver Spoon’s home. She had some good times here.

“She’s not presently indoors, Miss Tiara,” said Bertram, “but she would have told somepony if she was leaving the estate.” There was a mechanical sound followed by a squeak. The front gate swung open. “Check the garden. She sometimes goes there after her morning lessons.”

“Thank you.”


Diamond Tiara walked cautiously through the Toity Finish estate’s garden. She had never visited it before and was surprised to see how well lit everything was at this hour. There were fancy wooden benches stationed at semi-regular intervals along the concrete path, firefly lanterns strung overhead, and statues of water bearers pouring jugs into fountains. It was very peaceful here and Diamond Tiara could see why this place appealed to Silver Spoon.

She found Silver Spoon lying on the grass beside a ponymade pond. The gray filly was throwing pebbles into it, one by one. Diamond Tiara approached her and lay down beside her quietly.

“Hey,” said Diamond Tiara softly.

Silver Spoon turned to her left and gasped when she saw Diamond Tiara. She frowned and faced the pond once again. She picked up another pebble and threw it into the water.

“I thought you said you were never speaking to me again,” she stated coldly.

Diamond Tiara was elated to hear Silver Spoon speak to her at all.

“Never say never, I guess,” she said. Diamond Tiara took a pebble from the pile and threw one into the pond.

Silver Spoon ceased throwing pebbles. She turned her head away from Diamond Tiara. Diamond’s ears drooped at the gesture.

“This garden is awesome,” said Diamond Tiara. “We should throw a huge party here some night. I can bring Dethklop.”

She waited for Silver Spoon to speak but nothing was said.

“Look,” said Diamond Tiara. “I don’t have to tell you that I’m not used to apologizing to anypony... and I would understand if you didn’t want to hear anything I have to say, much less an apology... but I am really, really sorry for jumping down your throat and saying all those mean things to you. I’ve always been afraid of blowing up at you some day. You know how I am. It’s the jugular or nothing.”

Silver Spoon remained silent.

“Your glasses look fine,” continued Diamond Tiara. “And I know that you have a backbone. And I don’t think that you’re a pervert. And I sure as Tartarus don’t care about your orientation. What I do care about... what I should have cared about from the beginning... was that you were my friend... and that I should have treated you better than I did.  You were a better friend than I deserved to have... and while that statement pretty much invalidates any argument I might have for you to forgive me...”

Diamond Tiara’s lower lip began to quiver. She sniffled. She opened her trembling lips to speak further.

“I don’t like the thought of my life without you in it, Silver Spoon. I’m – reduced without you. I feel like half a pony – the back half. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until I pushed you away. You weren't to blame for Twist's death. I was just being a jerk when I put that all on you." Diamond Tiara struck herself in the head three times. "I'm a slave to the way my mind works. I see something I hate and I figure out how to destroy it. I see something I want and I figure out a way to get it... but this time, I’m out of ideas. I destroyed our friendship and I want your forgiveness but I have no clue how to get you to accept my apology... and I can’t just walk away from you.” Diamond Tiara smirked. “What if I paid you to forgive me?”

Silver Spoon snickered once and covered her mouth with her left forehoof to hide her scrunching face. A faint smile graced Diamond Tiara’s face for a moment.

A cool breeze rustled through the leaves of the hedges as Diamond Tiara prepared to sing her next words to Silver Spoon. Her singing voice was soft and warbled from her crying. She summoned no background music to accompany her lyrics. This was going to be a no frills, straight from the heart plea.

What I have done makes me feel sick inside
I am truly lost without you, it’s like a piece of me has died
I made a huge mistake; please tell me what I have to do
To get you to forgive me and to make.. this.. right... with... youuuuu

Silver Spoon kept her head turned but Diamond Tiara could tell by the way she was breathing that her friend was also choked up with crying. After a few sniffles, Silver Spoon sang her reply with equal difficulty and with no background music.

You broke my heart, now you come crawling back to me
All the hurtful words you said are still fresh in my memory
They cut me to the bone and no apology will do
So tell me why I should forgive a mea...nie... pants... like youuuuu

Diamond Tiara gulped. The ball was in her court and the bridge of the song was hers.

It’s true I said some things I thouuuught I meaaaaant
But if you take my words to hearrrrrt
I was wrong, I’m sorry and I’m beeeeeegging youuuu
Can’t we maaaaake aaaaa braaaand newwwww staaaaart?

Silver Spoon got to her hooves, looking more determined and confident than Diamond Tiara had ever seen her before. The gray filly inhaled deeply and then released her breath raggedly. She cleared her throat and swallowed.

“I’m sorry, Diamond Tiara, but I see, like, absolutely no reason why we should start over.”

Silver Spoon walked away.

Diamond Tiara’s mouth hung open as she watched the best friend in the world walk away from her. Tipping her harness over so that she could lay down, she collapsed on the grass and wept.

She failed.

Silver Spoon had moved on.

The trials that lay ahead for Diamond Tiara were now going to be ten times more difficult and she wasn’t looking forward to any of it. Would Zippoorwhill be able to fill the void that Silver Spoon left in her life? Or would her old habits resurface and cause Zippoorwhill to run away, too?

She lifted her head and saw that Silver Spoon was nowhere to be found. She swallowed and rose from the ground. There was nothing left for her here and it was time to go back to the stagecoach and head on home. As she took her first few steps, her ear rotated as she heard galloping hooves behind her.

The world spun as she was sent into a tumbling triple somersault as a result of somepony tackling her. She found herself standing on her hooves and wheels with Silver Spoon standing in front of her.

The gray filly was smiling; beaming, in fact.

And that made Diamond Tiara smile.

A big band tune played as Silver Spoon’s background music, heavy on the brass section and with the volume up high. Silver sang loudly to match it.

Why start again – when what we had was A-OK?
Girl, I know you very well – but I still like you anyway

“Hey...” said Diamond Tiara, smirking and raising an eyebrow at the implied insult. Silver Spoon continued her song.

We were meant to stick togetherrr, come cloudy skies or bluuuue
I can for-give a friend
Aaas terrrrr-iiiii-bllllle

“You mean ‘As wonnnn-derrrr-fullll’,” corrected Diamond Tiara in the same notes.

As horrrr-iiiii-bllllle

Diamond Tiara put her forehoof to her ear.

“I think I heard ‘As beauuu-tiiiii-fullll...’”

As mean to meeeeee

“As dearrrrrr tooooo theeeeeeee”

As youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

“As meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

“Bump, bu-u-ump-suuuu-gar... lump... rump,” they sang, doing the one-foreleg version of their trademark hoof bump.

The background music ended.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon disengaged their rumps and turned around to face each other. They smiled tearfully as they capped off their reunion with a hug.

“Did you seriously think... that I wouldn’t give you a hard time for being such a total bitch to me?” said Silver Spoon.

“So you really forgive me?” whimpered Diamond Tiara.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Thank you.”

Silver Spoon pried herself free of Diamond Tiara’s forelegs and looked at her sternly.

“But there’s a limit to how much bitchiness I can take, Di,” scolded Silver Spoon. “You can’t do anything like what you did to Miss Cheerilee ever again or we’re really through for good. Do you hear me?”

Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes and nodded.

“I hear you,” she whimpered.

“Promise me.”

“I promise that I’ll never do or say anything that would make you ashamed to know me. I promise to make you proud of everything I do from now on. I promise to always strive to be worthy of the special place I have in your heart. And I promise... to  love my best friend Silver Spoon and treat her with respect until the day I die.”

Silver Spoon bawled.

“You’ve never said that you loved me before.” She hugged Diamond Tiara again.

“I didn’t think it was cool to show emotion before, but... I do love you. Not in a gay way or any-erk!” Diamond Tiara’s sentence was cut off from Silver Spoon constricting her forelegs about her ribcage in a bone-crunching bearhug.

“Yeah, I got that, plotwipe,” growled Silver Spoon. “You didn’t have to say it. Way to ruin the mood.” She relaxed her torturous hug and the two friends snickered.

Diamond was dizzy with emotion. She was so deliriously happy that she could explode – twice. Was this the magic of friendship she felt 	coursing through her body? If it wasn’t, it had to be something that was pretty darned close.

“Can we just stay here like this for a little while?” asked Diamond Tiara.

“You can hold me for as long as you want, Di.”

Silver Spoon looked up at the moon and winked.

Thank you, she mouthed to Princess of the Night, wherever she was.

Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes.

“Back when I yelled at you,” she said. “When you said all that stuff about changing, it wasn’t anything that I didn’t already know. I just didn’t want to admit that I was wrong – like, ever. I’m too stubborn for my own good. When you said that you couldn’t be my friend any more, it hurt so bad. All I could see was how bad of a friend that made you when, in reality, I couldn’t see how bad of a friend I’ve been to bring you to that point. But I do now... and I’m so sorry. I do want to change. But wanting isn’t doing. I don’t know if I can get there on my own. Will you help me?”

“I... was born to help you.”

Diamond Tiara chuckled.

“I’ll take that as a really creepy ‘yes’.”

Silver Spoon snorted and broke the embrace.

“Hey! I’m not creepy.”

“I meant ‘dedicated’. It was a really dedicated yes. Better?”

“Better.”

They hugged again.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you," said Diamond Tiara. "I don’t want to hurt anypony anymore. It’s a waste of my talents and it doesn’t serve any useful purpose. It made me happy to see somepony else suffering because it took my mind off of my abandonment issues.”

“Abandonment issues?” asked Silver Spoon.

Diamond Tiara chewed on her tongue gently and broke the hug.

“I’ve... never talked with you about my... female parent, have I?” she asked.

She won’t even say the word Mom, observed Silver Spoon.

“No, you haven’t,” she replied. “Whenever I tried bringing her up, you always changed the subject. After about the third straight time you did that, I just took it as a hint that you really didn’t want to talk about her and I let it go. Did she abandon you?”

“Mm-hm. Let’s take a walk.”

The two friends strolled down the garden path.

“That’s a really nice tiara, by the way,” said Silver Spoon.

“Thanks,” said Diamond Tiara.

“What happened to your original tiara?”

“It’s back at my house but, y’know, I’m actually thinking of retiring it.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I’m turning over a new leaf and this new one symbolizes that change. So... about my female parent. I would start by telling you her name but... I don’t know what it is.”

“Wow. And here I thought not knowing my mom’s eye color was bad.”

“I was really young when she left my dad and me... and even though we’ve never made any sort of formal agreement not to do so, my dad and I don’t talk about her anymore.”

“You might be able to find out her name at Town Hall.”

“Oh, I have a couple of names for that mare. They’re just not the ones she was born with.”

“If she lived here in Ponyville, she might have registered her cutie mark. Do you remember what it was?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what they’re called. Do you know those sort of Pre-”

“AAAAAAH!!”

Diamond Tiara swiftly turned to look at Silver Spoon and felt a sharp pain in her chest. She was shocked to find that the gray earth pony was being dragged tail first into an open stallionhole by somepony – or something.

“HELLLLP!!!” screamed Silver Spoon, struggling to keep herself from being pulled under. She planted her left forehoof into the road and reached out to Diamond Tiara with her right.

“SILVER!!” screamed Diamond Tiara. She reached our with her forelegs and grabbed Silver Spoon’s foreleg. The wheels of her harness offered no resistance and she was being pulled her toward the stallionhole along with Silver Spoon. She tipped herself over and lay on her flank while planting her free foreleg into the dirt.

The pulling stopped.

What appeared to be a pony dressed in a dirty brown cloak and a white theater mask crawled out of the stallionhole and climbed on top of Silver Spoon, pinning the gray filly to the ground. The cloaked pony reached for Diamond Tiara and grabbed her. Diamond Tiara whimpered and trembled with fear. She was nose to porcelain nose with the cloaked figure.

“Bring me some food and water,” growled the pony. “As in right now. If you don’t, I’ll eat this filly’s flesh and drink her blood. If you bring anypony back with you, I’ll snap her neck like a twig.”

“Okay, I’ll get you some food and water.” said Diamond Tiara. “Just please don’t hurt her.” Diamond Tiara ran to the front of the estate where her stagecoach awaited her return. She could make a quick run back home where she would raid her mansion’s pantry and give the masked marauder the goods he or she wanted in exchange for Silver Spoon.

And while she hadn’t completely made her peace with Celestia or Luna, she swallowed her pride and prayed to whatever alicorns could hear her prayer to keep her friend safe.

She couldn’t lose Silver Spoon again; not when they had just made up.


The sound of hooves clunking against iron rungs echoed through the sewer as the mysterious figure descended the ladder with Silver Spoon held securely in one foreleg. Air rushed in and out of Silver Spoon’s nostrils rapidly. Her eyes were closed and she was too frightened to move. If she tried to break free and succeeded, the fall to the sewer floor of an unknown height would seriously injure her.

The clunking stopped. Silver reasoned that they had reached the bottom of the ladder. Her fillynapper shifted her weight and set Silver Spoon on all four hooves.

“Hiya, Spoony,” said a familiar perky voice.

Silver Spoon opened her eyes and looked up. The cloaked figure’s hood was down and her mask was resting on top of her head.

It was Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie Pie?” asked Silver Spoon rhetorically.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” said Pinkie.

“What the Tartarus, Pinkie?! You scared me half to death!”

“Sorry about that... but food and clean drinking water are impossible to find down here and I had to do something. Did I hurt you?”

Silver Spoon flexed her hind legs.

“I don’t think so... but that wasn’t very funny.”

“I didn’t like having to scare you...” Pinkie snorted with laughter. “But you should’ve seen how panicked Diamond Tiara was. Hee hee ha ha ha!”

“You could have just asked us for some food.”

“No way, José.” Pinkie pointed to the surface. “Remember how she’s waiting for me to ask her for a favor so she can laugh in my face?”

“She’s changed, Pinkie. She wouldn’t do that. She told me so. You said you could forgive me. Well, if you can forgive me, you should be able to trust me, too.” Silver Spoon walked toward the ladder.

“Where are you going?” asked Pinkie.

“Back to the surface.”

“Who said you could leave?”

Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow.

“Who’s stopping me?” she asked.

Pinkie sighed.

“Nopony, I guess. But would you do me a favor and stay down here with me until Diamond Tiara comes back with the food and water? If she sees you free before she leaves it, she’ll keep it. And I’m starved for real food. Grazing is for cows.”

“Oh... all right. But why are you down here in the first place? I heard that your friends are worried sick about you.”

“Yeah, huh? I figured as much. It’s a long story.”

“Have you heard about what happened to Miss Cheerilee?”

“No, but I know what happened. That’s part of why I’m down here. I drank a potion of Zecora’s and now whenever I touch somepony... or a part of somepony... I see horrific things from that pony’s past as if I was right there. I touched something that belonged to Cheerilee and I saw the murder.”

Silver Spoon placed her right forehoof across her lips.

“So he really killed her, huh?”

“Yes, he did. Oh, and as a heads-up, stay away from Zecora’s hut.”

“Don’t worry. I’m scared manureless of the Everfree Forest. So – what did you see when you touched me?”

“Hm? Oh. I didn’t see anything from touching you.” Pinkie spread her cloak open, showing off the stealth bodysuit she wore underneath. “My suit and cloak protect me from the potion’s effect.”

“Oh.” Silver Spoon grinned and lifted her foreleg out to Pinkie Pie. “Do you want to touch me now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just kind of curious. I mean, if I had that special ability, I’d use it, like, every chance I got.”

Pinkie Pie frowned.

“This isn’t some party trick, Silver Spoon! If this potion doesn’t wear off, I’m screwed for life! I’ll have to wear this suit or some kind of clothing like it all the time, head to hoof, for the rest of my life or risk seeing something I shouldn’t see or don’t want to see. I’ll never be able to nuzzle a friend or... or spend some special time with my very special somepony... assuming that I’ll ever have a very special somepony now that I’m afflicted.”

“How long has it been since your ability went off last?”

“It’s been days.”

“And you’ve been down here all this time?”

“Yeah. I’ve been stealthing it to find food but everything’s closed at night.”

“So how will you know if it’s temporary or permanent if you don’t test it out?”

Pinkie held her chin.

“Good point. All right. I’ll do it... but first, I’ll screen you. I know this is gonna sound weird but... have you ever killed anypony?”

“Not unless you count what happened to Twist.”

“That was an accident. What’s the most painful thing that’s ever happened to you?”

“Same thing; watching Twist die. Oh, and Diamond Tiara insulting me was super painful. Maybe you’ll see that.”

“She insulted you? Why.”

“She got angry with me but it’s behind us now.”

“Huh. Okay. I’ll try it out on you.”

“Will it hurt?”

“It won’t hurt you. It hurts me. My eyes burn for a second. Ready?”

“Ready.”

Pinkie Pie took Silver Spoon’s foreleg and placed her cheek against the filly’s hoof. She twitched as she felt the familiar burning sensation in her eyes from the previous trips.

Pinkie found herself on a hillside not far from Fluttershy’s cottage. She saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon facing one another.

“Silver Spoon?” asked Diamond Tiara. “What are you doing here?” Silver Spoon opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Diamond Tiara. “Never mind. You need to get out of here. Rumble wrote me a Hearts and Hooves Day card and-”

“It’s not Rumble who wrote it,” said Silver Spoon.

“It’s not? Wait a second. How do you know who wrote the card?”

“Because it was me.”

“What?”

“I wrote you that card.”

“But why would you prank me when we’ve got blank flanks for targets?”

“I didn’t write it as a prank!” Silver Spoon trembled and her ears drooped. “I’m in love with you, Diamond Tiara.”

Diamond Tiara’s jaw dropped, as did Pinkie Pie’s.

“Whoa,” said Pinkie.

“Do you remember when you were born?” asked Silver Spoon. “I remember my birth. It was the day that you came over my house and you sang that song when we were playing with our dolls. That was the day that I fell in love with you. I thought I could keep my feelings a secret but my love for you has grown stronger every second since then. It’s grown so strong that I couldn’t keep it bottled up inside my heart any longer. It was even stronger than my fear of seeing the look you have on your face right now. But just so I know for sure – does that look mean that you don’t feel the same way about me?”

Diamond Tiara hesitated. She averted her eyes and nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry,” said Diamond Tiara. “I’m really flattered but... I can never have romantic feelings for you, Silver.”

Tears rolled down Silver Spoon’s face. Pinkie began to weep as she watched Silver Spoon’s lips quiver like egg whites sizzling in a frying pan.

“That’s okay,” wept Silver Spoon. “I figured as much. It was worth a try. Don’t worry about me. I’m only gonna cry for the rest of my life.” She dropped to the grass, hid her face in her forelegs, and bawled. Diamond Tiara approached her and consoled her friend by rubbing her back with her right forehoof.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” cried Pinkie. She wiped her eyes and when she looked around, she noticed that she was back in the sewer.

“What did you see?” asked Silver Spoon.

Pinkie Pie cleared her throat.

“I saw you confess your love to Diamond Tiara... and I saw you get rejected.”

“I was wondering if that’s what you’d see.”

“Does it still hurt?”

Silver Spoon’s lower lip quivered.

“Like the day it happened,” she squeaked. She took off her glasses, covered her face with her forehooves, and broke down crying. Pinkie hugged Silver Spoon.

“I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out for you,” said Pinkie.

“Not as sorry as I am. It kills me to be so close to her... and to know that there’s a limit to how close I can get.”

“You’re young, though. You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. I know you’ll find another filly who’ll love you.”

“I don’t want another filly’s love. I only want Diamond Tiara’s love.”

“At least you gave it a shot. You might not agree with me but in a way, I think you’re kind of lucky. There isn’t a stallion I’ve met that I love as much as you love Diamond Tiara.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You know, there was talk about you and Cheese Sandwich for a while after Rainbow Dash’s Birthiversary.”

“Aw, Cheese is a nice enough guy, I guess. He’s super fun but he’s a traveling party pony and I love my Ponyville. I wouldn’t ask him to give up the road for me any more than he would ask me to leave home for him. It would never work out.”

“What about Big Macintosh?”

“Big Mac? Hee hee hee! I could never date him, silly. Mackie is like my squishy big brother.”

“What about The Doctor?”

“Who?”

“Tan coat? Blue eyes? Short and spiky dark brown mane? Hourglass cutie mark? Trottingham accent? Green necktie? He’s my tutor.”

“I don’t think we’ve met. Take a picture of him and show it to me next time.”

“Bleh. No thanks. I hate cameras.” Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Maybe it’s not a stallion you’re looking for, Pinkie.”

“Huh?”

“Picture it: Pinkie Pie... and DJ PON-3.”

Pinkie smiled.

“Oh, my gosh,” she lamented. “What are you, a recruiting officer for the filly-fooler army or something?”

“Ah-hah!” cried Silver Spoon. “That wasn’t a no!”

“Hello?” called out Diamond Tiara.

Pinkie Pie swiftly grabbed Silver Spoon and put her mask and hood back on. She touched noses with Silver Spoon.

“Not a word,” warned Pinkie.

“Fine,” said Silver Spoon.

“Come on down,” said Pinkie in her gruff voice.

Diamond Tiara made her way down the ladder as quickly as her harness permitted. She had a sack in her mouth which she spat out when she reached the bottom.

“Here’s all the food and water I could carry,” said Diamond Tiara. “If this isn’t enough, I can go get more. But if it is, please let her go.”

As Pinkie rummaged through the sack, Silver Spoon’s heart swooned from the concern in Diamond Tiara’s voice.

“This will do... but there’s one more thing I need you to do for me.”

“What is it?”

Pinkie Pie released Silver Spoon and grabbed Diamond Tiara. She lifted her mask and rested it atop her head, revealing herself to Diamond Tiara.

“Show me your pain,” she grumbled as she pressed her forehead against Diamond Tiara’s forehead.


Fluttershy stood in front of the bathroom mirror in her castle quarters and examined herself in her new outfit. The bright red long sleeve suit jacket accommodated her wings perfectly, the white cotton business blouse was crisp and cool, the black bandage miniskirt didn't ride up on her as she feared, and her black sheer pantyhose was very complimentary to her hind legs. A pair of one inch black high heeled shoes completed the look but they were by far the most unnatural part of her ensemble. She paced back and forth in front of the mirror a few times to get accustomed to walking with the shoes. She stood in front of the mirror one last time and smiled confidently.

"Okay, I'm ready to do this," she said. She looked between her forelegs. "How about you, sweetie? No?" She giggled. "That's okay. I've got this. You just sit back and relax."

She left her quarters and headed for the library where her unscheduled appointment would be taking place.

An appointment with her future.


Fluttershy found Twilight Sparkle lying on the floor between bookshelves. The Princess of Friendship was reading a thick book, most likely on the subject of criminal law by Fluttershy's guess.

“Excuse me, Twilight,” said Fluttershy. Twilight looked up from her book and turned around.

“Oh, hi, Flut- OOOOOH! What a gorgeous outfit! It makes you look so daring and sexy!”

"Thank you." Fluttershy bowed her head in thanks. "I need to speak with you."

“Oh, I wish I could chat but I’m afraid I’ve just got way too much reading to catch up on and not enough time in which to do it. Is it important?”

“ It's very important. I promise I won’t take up too much of your time.”

"All right." Twilight closed her book. "So what's up?"

“We need to talk about the Filthy Rich trial.”

Twilight blinked and raised an eyebrow.

“Um, no, we don’t. I can’t talk about the case with anypony, Fluttershy; not even you.”

“Then I’ll do the talking. You should disallow the death penalty for Filthy Rich.”

Twilight did a double take.

“I... What?”

“You should disallow the death penalty for Filthy Rich.”

“O-kayyyyyyy, is there a reason why you think I should do that?”

“Because his wife would be very upset with you if you sentenced him to die.”

“Oh, Fluttershy, I’m not worried about what anypony will think of me regarding my decision. They know I’m only doing my job. And I can take care of myself but even if I couldn’t, I’ve got plenty of guards to protect me. But why would you think Filthy Rich's wife would care? From what I heard, they parted on bad terms. Didn’t she get a divorce from him years ago?”

“I’m not talking about his ex-wife. I mean his current one.”

“When did he re-marry?”

“Earlier today.”

“To whom?”

Fluttershy removed a sheet of paper from her jacket pocket and presented it to Twilight. She levitated the paper and read it.

It was a copy of a marriage certificate.

It certified that, as of today, Filthy Rich was now married – to Fluttershy.

Twilight’s horn stopped glowing. The certificate fell to the floor like a leaf. She looked at Fluttershy’s face, hoping to find some sign that this was a joke but found no such sign. Fluttershy lifted her left foreleg and smiled. Twilight gulped when she saw a wedding bracelet around her friend's wrist.  A pang of nausea erupted inside Twilight’s stomach.

“You?” she asked.

“Me,” replied Fluttershy. The pegasus trembled slightly even though she maintained a confident grin.

“Why?”

“The short answer? Because I fell in love with him. Please don’t sentence him to death, Twilight. You’d not only be killing my husband and Diamond Tiara's father... you'd also be killing the father of my foal.”

Twilight's jaw dropped.

“You’re pregnant?” she asked, grimacing at this additional deterrent.

“Yes. Or maybe. At least, I think I could be. It’s extremely likely. Richie and I didn’t use protection and we were very industrious in the bedroom this afternoon when we consummated our marriage.” She blushed. “With the kind of virility he has, I wouldn’t be surprised if we conceived quadruplets. I thought having sex was gonna hurt a lot since he’s so huge but-”

Twilight groaned and sank to the floor.

“Oh, sweet Celestia, Fluttershy, too much information!"

“Oh. Sorry. Anyway, I’d like you to throw out the case. Richie swore to you that if you granted him bail, he wouldn’t leave the mansion except to go to court. And, sweetheart that he is, he’s determined to stick to that agreement. So we can’t have a real honeymoon until after the trial. But if you simply can’t throw the case out, then we’d be okay with a prison sentence with a possibility of parole. It’s not our first choice but it’s better than death. Oh, won’t you please do this for us, Twilight? My baby needs a father – even if he’s behind bars. And if you can, please find a way to get around the castration thing. I’m sure Richie would love some conjugal visits from me. I know I would.”

Fluttershy giggled.

Twilight mimicked the giggle to mock her – right before lifting Fluttershy’s shoulders to stand her upright and slamming her back into the bookshelf behind her. 

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??” screamed Twilight, standing on her hind legs and planting her muzzle against Fluttershy’s.

Placing her forehooves on either of Twilight’s shoulder’s, Fluttershy shoved the alicorn backward, sending her spine first into the opposite bookshelf. Fluttershy placed both of her forelegs across her own abdomen to protect it.

“TWILIGHT, YOU’LL HURT MY BABYYYYYY!!” screamed Fluttershy.

Both mares’ chests rose and fell as they scowled at one another.

“Sorry,” said Twilight. “Now answer my question. Why are you doing this? Especially when I’m the acting judge?!”

“Don’t you see, Twilight? I’m doing this precisely because you’re the acting judge. This wouldn’t work if somepony else was overseeing the trial. I don’t know any judges... but I know you. And I know you’d never do anything to hurt me.” She averted her eyes briefly and rubbed the back of her head. “Um, I’m not going to count you slamming me against the bookshelf a second ago.”

“Listen to me very carefully, Fluttershy. I cannot and will not let anypony influence my decision. I have a job to do and I have an obligation to perform that job to the best of my ability – and that obligation includes remaining impartial! This trial is hard enough! I didn’t need this squeezeplay of yours to make it harder!”

“Harder? I’m making your job easier! You’re one of my best friends, Twilight, but I swear to Celestia, if you sentence my Richie to die, that friendship will end immediately and I will never forgive you. You’ll have effectively killed the magic of friendship – and with it, any chance of the survival of the equine race if another Tirek-level villain tries to conquer Equestria. But... if you spare his life, the six of us get to keep Equestria’s greatest weapon in our back pocket and we can continue saving millions of lives together whenever the need arises. Everypony’s happy. What could be easier than that?”

Twilight covered her face with her forehooves. She removed them to reveal that her frown had evolved into a scowl.

“I don’t know," she replied. "Maybe emotional extortion? Or marrying into financial freedom?”

“Huh! If you think I married Richie for his money, then you don’t know me at all, Twilight Sparkle. Richie knew I wanted to avoid such accusations so before Judge Harshly married us, his lawyer Mister Goodwagon wrote up a prenuptial agreement for us which I was only too happy to sign.” Fluttershy reached into her jacket pocket and removed a second form which she hoofed to Twilight. “Here’s a copy.” Twilight took the paper and cast it aside, apparently uninterested in reading it. “Win, lose, or draw, I don’t get one bit of his money. One hundred percent of his fortune goes to his daughter Diamond Tiara. So what’s your choice?”

Twilight looked at the floor. It frightened her how little time she needed to make her decision.

“Risking millions of lives over ending one life? You’re right. It’s an easy choice. I'll help you." Fluttershy sighed with relief. "I'd be angrier at you for putting me in this situation but... truth be told, I don’t fancy the idea of putting Filthy Rich to death, either. In fact, I've spent most of my time studying to try and find a way around it.”

“It sounds like I just gave you the excuse you were looking for not to do it.”

“With neither the prosecution nor the defense backing down, the case already looks likes it’s going to be drawn out for several months to a year. At the very least, your husband will be home to witness the birth of your baby.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes and smiled.

“Oh, we’d like that very much,” she said, rubbing her tummy.

“If any loopholes exist in the system, I’ll find them. But... if not...”

Fluttershy shifted her jaw.

“If not, then make them exist," she ordered. "You’re a princess, Twilight. You have power on top of power. Use it. Talk to the mayor. If you need money to grease the right hooves to make those loopholes, just let me know and I can get you as much as you need. Do whatever you have to do but make this work. And if you can get the case thrown out, Richie is prepared to show his gratitude in spades. He wouldn’t insult you with something as tacky as a monetary gift but he said he’d build universities for you."

"Universities?"

"Universities. Museums. Libraries. You name it, he’ll fund their construction. And they’ll all be named after you. The initials for culture and education throughout Equestria will be spelled capital T... capital S.”

Twilight smirked.

“Is it weird that I almost like how assertive you’ve become even though you’ve got me caught between a rock and a hard place?”

“Thanks. I’m really, truly sorry that it had to come to this, Twilight... but I would do anything to save my friends and loved ones from harm.”

“I guess I’ve always known that about you... and in a twisted way, I can sort of respect your determination. Erk!”

“Are you okay?”

Twilight rubbed her back and winced.

“I think my spine got thrown out of alignment when I hit the wall.”

“Would you like me to walk on your back?”

“Sure, why not?” Twilight lay on the floor. “You’ve already walked all over me metaphorically.”

“Easy on the sour grapes, Princess. I don’t want my baby to be exposed to negative vibes while in the womb.”

As Fluttershy stepped carefully on Twilight and kneaded her back with her hooves, Twilight harkened back to a time when life was less complicated and wished she hadn't wasted her Star Swirl the Bearded time travel spell.

"YAAAAH!!" screamed Twilight, flailing her wings and legs.

"OH! Heels." Fluttershy smiled apologetically and removed her shoes. "Sorry."