//------------------------------// // Every Day Is An Adventure // Story: I Am Going To Save And/Or Destroy Equestria! // by Bucking Nonsense //------------------------------// I admit, this was starting to get kinda fun. There'd been a puzzle room, and now we were starting to explore a dungeon. I'll freely admit, I've had dreams where I was the protagonist of an anime or a video game. I'd like to think that is a fairly common thing for guys like me. This 'dream' seemed to have a few things in common with a few of my favorite animes, actually. For example, there was Bastard!!, where the protagonist, Dark Schneider, was killed on the verge of conquering the world, then revived when a new threat emerged. Then there was Shina Dark, where the 'Evil Overlord' Exoda C. Claw came back from the dead, surprised to find himself confronted by a small army of women who had been... donated to him in order to appease him so that he wouldn't start wrecking everyone's shit, and now the fairly nice and not at all perverted overlord had to work out what to do with the one thousand women now on his doorstep. And then there's the Suikoden series, where there's one hundred and eight heroes to find and add to the main character's team... With all of those elements put together, it seemed obvious to me that this was all just a product of my spectacularly over-active imagination. I freely admit, my mind is a pretty crazy place even at the best of times, and due to some of the shit that had recently transpired in my life, I certainly couldn't blame my brain for deciding that take a break from reality. So, if I was going on a mini-vacation inside my head, I fully intended to enjoy it... I kinda wished my imagination had populated my fantasy with some hot babes instead of a bunch of horses, but hey, you can't have everything, right? "I don't see why you're being so cautious," Ladyhawke said, behind me, as I began peering into the next room. "This place is probably completely deserted." "Clean, warm, and moist," I muttered, trying to keep my voice down. You never know when you might run into a sound activated trap. I heard Sunset give a little 'What?' and Ladyhawke gave a noise that expressed her confusion equally well. I chuckled, then decided to give the two of them a little more explanation. "This place is too clean: The floor, walls, and ceiling are completely free of dust, to the point of being brand new, and yet the architecture is of a style three centuries old. So, who or what does the cleaning? This place is too warm: Five minutes ago, we were someplace that was cold enough that you needed winter wear. If this place is inside of the mountain and at a much higher elevation, and I'm almost certain it is, it should be freezing. Instead, it's as warm as a spring afternoon. Where is the warmth coming from, and why? This place is too moist: Underground catacombs are often dry and dusty, but this place is at an almost ideal level of humidity. Why would that be?" I heard Sunset give a gulp, and behind me, I heard Lady shift slightly, as if changing to a more combat-ready posture. After a moment, Sunset said, "Well, all of that could be managed by magic..." With a grin, I turned around to look at the two of them, and said, "Exactly. But magic like that, spells that make an inhospitable place hospitable, those spells tend to be the first to wear off when a place is abandoned, right?" Sunset nodded, and I added, "But defensive spells, traps to keep out intruders, those tend to last a long, long time, yes?" This was just me making random guesses, but let's be honest: How many games have you played where the ancient ruins look completely wrecked, but the traps worked just as well as they had the day they were made? The unicorn gave a little 'oh' of surprise and nodded, finally getting the picture, and Lady began looking around suspiciously, seeing traps in every corner, I was certain. That was probably the best mindset for her to be in: I'm an avid Dark Souls enthusiast, and I would not have put it past my imagination to recreate Sen's Fortress in Magic Ponyland... "I hope I'm overthinking it," I admitted after a moment, and turned back towards the hallway ahead. I chuckled again, then said, "Then again, he who made kittens put snakes in the grass." Turning back one more time, I advised, "So be sure to watch your step." With that, we stepped forward into the next chamber. And it was kind of a letdown, to be honest with you. It was very similar to the last chamber. Clean to the point of being sterile, the walls were perfectly smooth, save for the one opposite the doorway we walked in through. On that wall, there was a single marking, shaped like a horseshoe and glowing a bright blue. I desperately hoped that it would be as safe as it looked, but Dark Souls 1 and 2, as well as I Wanna Be The Guy, have turned me into a suspicious bastard. I checked the floor, walls, and ceiling thoroughly, but there was nothing. The room was flawless, save for that one mark. If we wanted to move forward, someone would have to stick their hoof on the mark, and hope that they didn't explode. I turned the others, then said, "Wait here. I'll go see what that thing does." Walking across the room, I couldn't help but notice how... calm this placed seemed. It had an almost tranquil air to it. It felt less like a dungeon, like I had expected, and more like I was in a shrine, or a cathedral... I reached the opposite wall without incident, and laid my hoof against the the mark. I heard a sound behind me, then turned around. I was surprised to see what I would have sworn was a hologram of Gandalf the Gray in pony form, only more... festive. Honestly, this dude had an awesome beard, but I don't know how he expected to be taken seriously with all those bells. Her eyes wide, I heard Sparkling Sunset whisper in awe from the doorway, "That's Starswirl the Bearded..." "I am Starswirl the Bearded," the hologram confirmed, his expression grim. "If you are hearing this, then my greatest fears have been realized, and Equestria is in terrible danger." With a sad sigh, he continued, "I am growing old, and I am preparing to journey with Scorpan, in order to help him bring the magic of friendship to his homeland. I do not expect to return. However, recent events have lead me to believe that it is possible that one day, a terrible disaster may befall this peaceful realm. As such, I have left directions for how to find this place with my student, Clover the Clever, with instructions to reveal its location only to those who are worthy of this sacred trust." The hologram turned, and looked in my direction. He began pacing back and forth as he explained, "Celestia and I had a falling out recently, over reasons I have sworn to reveal to no other soul. However, those events taught me something, something that Equestria seems to have failed to realize. Celestia and Luna, as great and powerful as they may be, are still ponies. They laugh, they cry, they hate, and... they love, the same as all of us, and those emotions can impact their decisions. They are great, but they are not perfect, and I fear that one day, Equestria may pay the price for one of their mistakes." He stopped, his expression disgusted as he said, "And yet, we have grown too reliant upon the two of them. Before the two alicorns took the throne, the vocation of wizard, or warrior, or scout, was a common one. Great ponies went on adventures into wild and dangerous territory, winning glory and returning with new knowledge and opening new trade routes to other places, and having such reckless and daring heroes helped make Equestria a safer place. Now, however, we have grown complacent: Adventurers are the exception, not the rule. We rely on the princesses to handle everything that this world can throw at us, and they easily throw into Tartarus every monster that might threaten ponykind. This has made us safe, yet it has also made us soft. Progress is slowing to a crawl. In my youth, new spells were invented every year, but my own most recent contribution, a spell concerning the creation of pottery, is the only new enchantment to be created in fifty years, and another is unlikely to appear for a long, long time. Our magic is less a weapon of war or a tool of survival, and more a bauble to entertain children. Our current generation of soldiers is comprised of peacekeepers, not warriors, and have more experience breaking up fights than they do in fighting battles. I say this now, and I say it with certainty: Without the alicorns, Equestria would quickly fall into ruin." Boy, was he ever right... With a snort, he resumed pacing and said, "Perhaps I am wrong, and Equestria will see more than a thousand years of relative peace before this great work of mine will need to be used. Perhaps Celestia and Luna will prove to be up to the task of guiding this nation into a golden age. However, I would be remiss if I did not plan for the day when they might fail..." Turning back in my direction, he stood on his hind legs, and pointed a hoof upwards, "And so, in preparation for when Equestrian survival may become impossible, I have created the impossible: The Ultimate Fortress, Sanctuary." Falling back to his hooves, he continued, "If you are here, I hope that, upon seeing what awaits upstairs, you will make use of what I have provided you responsibly, should there be need of it. If there is no need, then I hope that you will leave this place as you found it. I did not invest all of my time and effort into creating a weapon for a new dark lord to lay waste to my homeland." With that, the hologram disappeared, and behind me, I heard a noise. I turned around, and saw that a doorway was opening where the glowing hoofprint once was. I had to admit, I was impressed: The wall had seemed perfectly seamless just a moment ago... Turning back to the ponies, I said, "You two go and grab the others. I'll wait here. Now that we know who made this place, and why, I think we can relax a little bit." I was kind of disappointed: I was half-expecting at least a couple of random encounters and a boss fight, but instead, it seemed that we were still on the opening cutscenes... ------------------------------------ As Sparkling Sunset and Ladyhawke walked back down the hallway to the other mares, the pegasus couldn't help but vent her spleen, griping at her comrade in arms. "Who does he think he is, ordering us around?" With a snort, Sunset rebutted, "Asides from the smartest and most powerful unicorn in the world?" After a moment, she admitted, "He's a lot nicer than I expected him to be, given everything you told me about him." Rolling her eyes, Lady said, "Don't let him fool you. The only reason King Sombra is being so nice is because he needs us. He's been out of the picture for a year, and there's monsters all over Equestria that gave even the princesses trouble. He doesn't know what the score is, so he isn't ready to dispose of us yet. He won't try anything until he's sure he's safe, and once he is, out will come the whips and chains, and he'll be all 'Crystal Slaves' again." The crystal pegasus gave a shudder, and said, "I still think that we should have brought back Commander Hurricane instead." "Commander Hurricane was more than ninety years old when he died," the unicorn reminded her. "And while he might have been the best battlefield commander in Equestria, he couldn't do anything about the fiends of Tartarus, even with an army of Equestria's bravest warriors at his back." Sadly, she added, "Even with Clover the Clever helping him..." Ladyhawke let out a long, frustrated sigh, and admitted, "You're right. But we'll need to keep an eye on the jerk back there. I was there when he took the Crystal Empire. I've seen what he is capable of, and let me tell you, once you've seen it for yourself, you'll have nightmares for the rest of your life." ---------------------------------------- "I like big butts, and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny..." Why? Because I could, because it was fun, and because it was fucking funny. If you ever want a reason why I ever do anything, there it is, right there. I have to admit, hearing my positively villainous voice singing the Ass-Man's Anthem made it very hard for me to keep my composure. Still, the difficulty was well worth the reward. I idly wondered if I might have time to go through a villainous rendition of 'Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle' before the mares got here. "...Then turn around! Stick it out! Even white boys got to shout!" *Baby got back...* "Gah!" I whipped my head around, trying to figure out where that had come from. It sure as hell hadn't come from me. After a moment, having confirmed that I was alone, I sighed, and said, "I must be crazy. I've got a voice in my head..." *I'm not a voice in your head, you're a voice in MY head.* "Shut up," I said, angrily. "You're not real. Well, none of this is real, but you're even more not-real than everything else is." *Whether you believe or not, it makes no difference to me. You live, and I live. You die... and I die. So don't you dare die. If you do, I'll make sure to drag your soul down to Hades with me when we go...* I shouted, no, I'll admit it, I roared, "SHUT UP!" *Heh. Fine, I will. For now. But only because you have bigger problems than me right now...* "What?" *Look behind you.* I whipped my head around, looking towards the opened hallway, and saw... Well, I'm not sure what the hell it was. It looked like a pony, in the same way that Slenderman looks like a person. It was equine in shape, with a horn, but its entire body was golden, and it had no face. In spite of the fact that it seemed to be made of metal, I had a distinct impression that this thing wasn't a construct, but a living thing. In a dull monotone, the... thing said, "Dark magic detected. Initiating defense protocols." I smiled. Finally, some action. ------------------------------------------- "We probably shouldn't have left him alone," Sunset admitted as she led the other mares down the hallway with Ladyhawke. After a moment's pause, the pegasus admitted, "We probably shouldn't have. But I didn't want to leave you alone with him, and I couldn't trust myself not to start something with him if we were alone for more than two minutes." With a chuckle, she added, "But hey, we've only left him alone for five minutes. What kind of trouble can he get into in that time?" "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Suddenly, a screaming projectile shot over the heads of the assembled mares. It took them a moment to realize that it was Sombra, flying backwards, as if something had launched him at high speeds. "-LYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-" In less than a second, he had flown down the hallway, and was gone from view. "-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-" There was a loud thump that shook the hallway, likely from the tyrant hitting the back wall of the chamber behind them, and after a moment, Sombra's voice called out, "I'M OKAY!" Sunset turned around and called out, "Are you sure?" After a moment, he replied, "Yeah! Didn't feel a thing! Do me a favor, though. Have all the mares make a hole so I can run through. I've been aching to kick someone's ass since I woke up, and now I've finally got a volunteer!" The mares didn't need any prompting, and immediately began hugging the walls. A moment later, Sombra, grinning like a deranged maniac and moving at a full gallop, ran by, shouting, "GET READY FOR ROUND TWO, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"