//------------------------------// // Unexpected Quests // Story: Brony in Black // by Gray Compass //------------------------------// Ignoring the ridiculous jokes about the previous 'accident' - and the diversity of awkward glances I received from other people along the way to Redwood's office, I advanced through the facility in a thoughtful state of mind; why the old man needed me in Equestria was an unsettling mystery for me. Senior Agent Redwood was the only person here allowed to keep his old name, he was a sturdy man already in his seventies, with an unusually white (and long) hair, a trait which naturally earned him several nick names, the most popular of his titles was 'The Mage' - And not only due his oddly magical look, but also for his skills and knowledge. Redwood had been studying ancient civilizations, rare energy manipulations, magical creatures, and plenty of other obscure arts for decades - long before the Pony Mesa complex was formed, he was already a high-ranking member of Men in Black corporation, responsible for dealing with the quirkiest races. He was also, the first human to ever be allowed to step on Equestrian ground, and personally talk to the princesses. Redwood saved the world from a disastrous cultural shock, and survived the experience of flying through a dimensional rift. To sum up the whole thing - Paul Redwood was the man. Agent D, a close friend of mine who was also summoned to the unexpected session, walked by my side as we crossed the main lobby of the underground building. The room we were heading for was located at the lowest level of the facility, it was Redwood's 'special place', and where he developed and tested all of the Equestrian equipment. We stood for a few seconds in front of the shiny elevator doors, until our black cards were checked and re-checked by the scanner. With a green sign, the doors opened, and to our mutual surprise, Silver Words was already inside, fixing her mane on the mirrored wall. "Oh, g-good morning D." She turned around, blushing a little as she moved a strand of silvery hair away from her face. "Ah, and I see that you've finally arrived agent S, they are waiting for you down there." She said, moving aside as we stepped into the elevator. "I presume you already know what this is all about, Silver." I said. She ignored my existence for a few seconds, since contemplating Agent D while he stroked his chin, seemed to be substantially more interesting than looking at me - or my questions. But as the doors closed, and the silence became uncomfortable for the three of us, she decided to answer me. "I don't think I'm the right pony to give you this explanation, S. Redwood has contacted Silent Notes last night, and they've been talking since then about this incident." She stated "Incident?" Agent D frowned. "This doesn't sound any good for me... Why did the old man called that stupid unicorn instead of one of his own agents?" "Because none of you can levitate a single spoon using magic, that's why." She rolled her eyes. "It was Silent Notes or me - and it happened to be him." Silent Notes was naturally silent for most of the time, he was a jet-black unicorn with terrific stealth skills and an overly inflated ego, sometimes justified by his extensive repertoire of enchantments and spells. Luckily for him and his human coworkers, an ambassador could only hold the office for a term of three years - still - in only one, Silent Notes managed to elicit such mixed opinions about him. Half of the corporation hated his guts, while the other half idolized him. Naturally, Agent D was part of the first group. Before D was able to start another argument with her about spoons and magic, the double doors opened again and I was the first one to leave. There, on the deepest floor of Pony Mesa, the corridors and chambers were all sharply carved into granitic stone; all the walls, pillars and floors were constantly polished and cleaned, giving the stone an almost reflective surface. There was a tall grayish door at the end of the corridor, flanked by two sculpted obelisks made of an unknown purplish crystal, those were the only light sources of that place and everything else was partially plunged into shadows. D and Silver had finally shut up, and the only audible sound in that eerie place were the clacks of the unicorn hoofshoes against the floor. As we approached the obelisks, the door to Redwood's office automatically opened, revealing a round chamber of considerable proportions under doomed roof, a mesmerizing translucent crystal hanged from its center, basking the entire room in a vivid white light. Sitting around a table at the center, were Redwood, J2 and Silent Notes. "Finally." J2 said. "Come in and close the door please - I'm talking to you Agent S" He pointed at me. Silent Notes completely ignored our entrance, as he seemed to be way more interested in evaluating the darkness of his hair under the light. Agent D, the youngest of us all, was quick to find a place right next to his crush. When everyone was settled, Redwood took a sip of his drink, his deep, but shiny green eyes seemed to analyze the entire place from behind the glass. "So... I guess what they've been saying is true?" He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "And w-what exactly they've been saying?" I asked, everyone at the table looked at me with a different expression. "That Agent J2, after listening to the screams of panic coming from your chambers, caught you fucking 'the circuits out' of Twilight Sparkle's plushie." His sarcastic smile quickly turned into a full-blown hearty laugh. Silent Notes facehoofed while the other unicorn gasped, staring at me with a disgusting look written all over her face. "It was not a plushie!" I stated, quickly regretting my decision, as my own partner snorted. "I-I mean, I wasn't trying to... to copulate with that thing, you people are just acting like a bunch of school kids" I frowned, crossing my arms. "That droid attacked me while I showered! Someone must have cursed it, and I was forced to intervene." The good side of being as old and recognized as Redwood, is that no one gives a damn if you start an important session with a joke about bestiality. "He's just kidding S, we know y-" "Oh, but I wasn't kidding!" He interrupted agent J2, who merely closed his mouth shut. "I don't really care if the young boy here is into this kind of adventurous-" "But I'm not!" I shouted. "Why are we even talking about this, when there is an emergency to handle?" "I agree with the perverted human" Silent Note said, turning around on his chair. "We should proceed as fast as possible, for I have better things to do." He shook his mane to the side. "Damn, you people are no fun!" The white-haired man said, taking a deep breath. "Hell, I'll tell you all what happened in Equestria last night..." Redwood stood up from his chair, and pointed some sort of pen to the crystal hanging from the roof. It immediately lit up a tree-dimensional projection of Canterlot over the table. "Princess Luna was hosting a masquerade ball - black tie, surrealistic heads. Everyone with a fat bank account was invited." He started "I suppose everyone here is familiarized with this concept, so I won't describe every little detail." Redwood made a gesture with one of his hands, and the projection astoundingly zoomed, now focusing over the royal castle. "Very well, what I'm about to show may seem pretty ridiculous to some of you..." He zoomed a little bit more, a large corridor of the castle was now visible from the inside. A group of guards crowded the place, while a half-naked man seemed to ride on Cadance's back while she jumped through a stained glass window. The whole scene was static, their movements paused as a screen cap taken from a movie. My jaw dropped. "Is that... Ambassador Hopkins?" Agent D asked in disbelief. "Yes... Yes it is." Redwood chuckled. "Last night, one of our two ambassadors in Equestria - Mr. Hopkins, had the brilliant idea of sneaking into the wine cellar of the castle, thinking nopony would notice if he picked some fine bottles for himself. Unfortunately, he got drunk long before picking the best Haybernet Sauvignon bottle." He started to pace around the table, observing the three-dimensional picture. "It turns out, that our beloved Princess Cadance, who was feeling quite lonely up there in her room - while her husband probably flirted with another mare somewhere else - decided to do the exact same thing." "I don't know how - and I must say that I have no idea of what happened down there - but last time Cadance was spotted, she had a human on her back, and was heading to Las Pegasus" I shook my head. "How do you even know she was heading to Las Pegasus?" I asked, snorting at the thought. "Well Agent S, that's what she yelled at Shining Armor when he came looking for her by the morning." Turning off the projection, Redwood sipped his cup again. "Clearly inebriated, she jumped trough a glazed balcony, and seemed to teleport before reaching the ground." "What about Celestia?? Couldn't she just track her spell?" Agent D asked. "It's not as easy as it may seem D, in special when it comes to alicorn magic..." Silver said. "If the princess was really... ah- drunk, when the spell was performed, there's no way to predict her whereabouts - alcohol and magic is never a good choice." Silent Notes suppressed a laugh. "What are you laughing at?" Silver glared at him with fiery eyes. "Oh- Ah, nothing, really. You're such an ironic mare sometimes." He muttered. "I'm what??" "Okay, okay, everyone chill - the frustrated lovey-dovey couple could please wash their dirty linen in public later? We are adults for god's sake!" Agent J2 said, and looked to his watch. "Look, we are wasting precious time here - Senior Redwood, you've said previously that you wanted to send me and S to Equestria, but now I don't see how that would be possible without worsening the situation." "Meh, you never saw many things, J2... Who said I would send your monkeyish bodies through that portal?" A creepy grin formed on his face. "No... I'll release you from this mission today. In fact, you're free to leave now, and please, take the couple of problematic ponies with you." He pointed at the unicorns as if they were a pair of potato bags. "I-I... Well, okay then, if that's what you want. I see you all later." With that, Agent J2 and the ponies left us alone in the room with old Redwood and his magical pen. For a few minutes or so, he merely played with the strange crystal in the roof, changing its color and shape, it was almost entrancing, in a bizarre way, to stare at that object. Suddenly, Senior Redwood stopped, as if an idea had just kicked the insides of his old head. "Agent Daniel..." He pointed at the blondish guy by my side, calling him by his real name. "I- W-what?" Quite shocked, Agent D stuttered. "Have you - or Mr. Sylvester - ever thought about having a horn - and four hooves?"