"Well, that's just perfect," I sarcastically whispered. "Of course they would be here!"
After escaping Rainbow Dash and Applejack, I made my way towards the train station. Not wanting to be chased, as fun as that would be, I would move from cover to cover. I would keep my eyes on both the streets and the sky, taking necessary precautions along the way. As I kept moving, I had the strangest feeling that this was becoming easier than I thought.
I was approaching the train station from an alley way, not wanting to take any chances of entering from the main street. I was about to step out into the open when I saw something that made me immediately hide behind a dumpster. I peek over to see the train station across the street from where I was. I saw Rainbow Dash hovering around and over the train station, scanning the surrounding area. Had I foolishly stepped out, she would have definitely spotted me. I look at the entrance to view another problem: Applejack was standing at the only entryway to the station, looking intently like a guard on watch. I started putting two and two together. They both have a bone to pick with me and have decided to help each other in finding me. Now that I think about it, it finally made sense why it was becoming easier as I came here. After I lost them in the chase, they didn't bother looking for me. They came straight to the train station and are now waiting to ambush me.
"Smart," I quietly admired.
I hid behind the dumpster and pondered on my options. Waiting for them to leave is out of the question. Applejack knows exactly what my train schedule is, thanks to my stupidity in telling her before. Rainbow Dash has the day off and doesn't have to go on weather patrol, so she can afford to wait. I was contemplating on buying another ticket for a separate time today, but then I remembered that the next available ticket is two weeks from now. I can't wait that long. I should have bought back-up tickets with different times when I had the chance. Too late now. I can't go to the library, Fluttershy's cottage, or Sugarcube Corner for refuge. When AJ and RD decide to look for me, those will be the first places for them to search. And besides, I doubt Twilight, Pinkie and Fluttershy will betray their friends in order to help me. Not even Spike can help me now, even if he wanted to. Besides the Mane 6, there's nopony else I know in Ponyville, and I can't hide in the streets forever. I will eventually be found out. I'm not crazy enough to hide in the Everfree forest. The creatures that lurk in that place are scary and dangerous, and I'm not ready to become their next meal. There is only one option left, one that could get me in serious trouble or lead to my death if I'm not careful. I have to jump on the train and sneak aboard as it leaves Ponyville.
With my mind made up, I looked over the dumpster once again. One hundred yards to my right and ahead of the train was a tree, sticking out one big branch over the tracks. I could jump from that tree as the train passes by and sneak aboard. Crazy idea, but one that might work. And since I already paid for my ticket, I don't feel bad about my plan. There's one thing I need to retrieve though: my book bag. Looking left now, there was a building a block away from the train, with an alleyway beside it. Inside the alleyway was a dumpster, where I had instructed Spike to leave my bag in. I know my possessions are going to smell bad, but I needed to keep them secured in case I was being chased on my way here. Thank goodness for my foresight.
I moved back to where I came from and went the long way around the perimeter, avoiding Rainbow Dash's eyes along the way. I still had an hour left before the train leaves, so I had plenty of time to move with stealth, no matter how tedious the effort was. I finally made it to my destination and found the dumpster. I actually smelled it when I was a few yards away, and it was horrible. Ugh! Trying my best to ignore the smell, I opened the dumpster and found what I was looking for.
"There you are," I remarked with a sigh of relief. I opened the dumpster completely and reached for my-
"AHHH!" I instinctively jumped forward in complete surprise, finding myself inside the dumpster. For a moment I thought I was caught, but then I remembered something. Who would say "hi" at a time like this? I looked out and was annoyed by what was in front of me. "Pinkie," I murmured.
Pinkie was on the floor with her hooves on her belly, laughing at my predicament. "Y-Y-Your funny David!" She managed to blurt out before she continued laughing.
I got out of the dumpster and stared at her with an annoyed look on my face. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked while I dusted as much garbage from myself as possible. I'm going to need a shower when I get to Canterlot. A thought then occurred to me, making me narrow my eyes at the laughing pink pony. "Did you sneak up on me and scared me on purpose?"
Pinkie had stopped laughing and looked at the sky with an innocent smile, "I dunno!"
I know that look, she just got me back for that prank I pulled on her. Only instead of releasing waste in the toilet, I'm covered with the smell of waste. Cruel irony. Looks like I need to prank Pinkie Pie when I get back to Ponyville. One question lingered in my mind.
"How the hell did you know I was going to be here?" I asked with a hint of frustration.
Pinkie spoke with one breath. "I was bouncing around Ponyville, looking for something fun to do! I then saw you, Dashie and Applejack playing tag, so I followed you three all around town! After you tagged them both, I followed you to the train station and I was gonna ask if I can play tag! But then I thought, why not just prank David! So I sneak up on you, I say 'HI' and you were like 'AHHHHH!' and you fell into the trash and mphmmm" She was interrupted when I put my hand on her mouth. I knew she was going to repeat the details of our conversation and I didn't feel like hearing it.
I took my hand off of her, letting her breathe, and shook my head in disbelief at what I just heard. What a random pony she is. And I can't believe she followed me without me noticing. Jeez. "Pinkie I'm not playing tag with those two hot-heads. I'm running for my life and for my poor giblets." I shouldn't have said that last word because she resumed her laughter, much to my annoyance.
"Th-th-then why did you...spank their flanks... if you are not playing tag with them?" She asked as she slowly recovered.
What a clueless mare she is. I didn't want to continue this conversation. I need to get out of here before-
"THERE YOU ARE!"
I turned around and saw a livid Rainbow Dash hovering ten feet away from me. "YOUR GONNA PAY YOU PERV!" She then dove at me like a hawk after it's prey. I ducked low and barely missed the angry grasps of the colorful pegasus. She crashed into a pile of trash behind me, feeling dazed.
Not wanting to stick around, I went to the dumpster, retrieved my bag, and ran out of the alleyway. I heard Pinkie Pie running up to Rainbow Dash and asking, "Are you okay Dashie?!!" I'm sure she is.
As soon as I got out of the alleyway, I was confronted by a furious farm pony standing ten feet in front of of me.
"Yer not gettin' away this time ya randy critter."
(Recommend that you listen to the extended version of He's a pirate from Pirates of the Carribean movie while reading this)
Before she can do anything, a wagon skidded to a stop between us two, blocking Applejack from getting to me. Just my luck. I took advantage of the delay and sprinted to my right on the sidewalk. I immediately tossed my book bag in a box nearby, making a mental note of where I left it. As much as I wanted to take it with me, it was going to slow me down, so I would need to get it later.
"YER NOT LOSIN' ME AGAIN!"
I didn't turn back. I ran between ponies and wagons in an attempt to slow Applejack down, but she's not letting up.
"C'mon Rainbow! We can take him down together."
"Right behind ya!"
"OH SPIT! I'M SCREWED!" I yelled as I ran straight forward!
This is bad! THIS IS BAD! THIS IS BAD! I had a hard time evading those two athletic ponies when they were chasing me separately. Now I need to flee from both of them AT THE SAME TIME! I'm in for it now. Knowing that I can't use the same tricks from before, my chances of escaping are slim now.
I ran to a house nearby, zooming past their open door way.
"Hey, what are you doing in my house?!"
"Sorry!" I apologized to the homeowner as I ran through the house. I jumped through an open window, rolled upon landing and continued running. When I glanced back, I saw that Applejack jumped out of the window I just came from, while Dash stayed in the air and zeroed in on me. I sharply turned left around a corner of a building before the colorful pegasus had a chance to pounce me. For the next few minutes I would run through buildings with Applejack on my tail, while Dash glided in the air and waited for her opportunity to tackle me.
I ran into a large two story building, jumping over tables in the process with AJ following my every step. I noticed that there were no back doors or windows, so I ran up the stairs and continued sprinting on the second floor. I was running in a hallway, doors leading to rooms on either side of the walls. With AJ behind me, Rainbow Dash came out of a window at the far end in front of me and charged at me. I turned into one of the rooms, despite protests from the owners, and dove through a window. This is going to suck. Fortunately, there was a mattress in the street below that was carried by a unicorn for some reason. I landed on my stomach, causing the unicorn to drop the mattress upon my weight.
"Hey, what's the idea?!"
I rolled over and continued running down the street. I glanced back to check if they were still after me. Applejack jumped down to the same mattress, apologized to the owner and continued galloping towards me. Rainbow just flew out the window and just chased me from the air. I followed the same routine as before. I ran through homes, buildings, between wagons, carts and ponies. No matter what I did, I can't seem to lose them. I'm just surprised that I'm lasting this long to begin with. In a few minutes, however, that's not going to be the case. My pursuers have much more stamina and endurance than I do, so I'm not going to be able to tire them out. My fatigue is starting to set in. No! I can't get caught!........I just can't!
I got out of the last building and continued running. The street was wide and mostly empty, with none of the buildings on either side having open windows or doors. Oh no! This is the worst place to be now!
"I GOT YOU NOW!" Rainbow Dash yelled, closing the gap between us with rapid speed.
This is it! I've lost!
I'm still running? I'm still running! What happened?!
I glanced back and saw that sweet prospera has blessed me once again. Derpy, the local mailmare, crashed into Rainbow Dash. They are both on the ground with stars over their heads.
YES! One down, one to go! I turned forward and was filled with confidence once again.
"Don't think ya have won," Applejack yelled. I can hear catching up. "Ah know yer plum tuckered out and Ahm not even breakin' a sweat!"
She was right. Even though it's only one pony chasing me, Applejack is still athletic as hell and I'm running out of energy. I looked ahead and saw a dead end alley. The far-end wall was eight feet tall and it looked hard for a pony to climb on. This is my last chance. Time to do this Spiderman style. I gotta stop using video game references. I ran at top speed towards the alleyway.
"Ya aimin' ta corner yourself, David?! Fine by me!"
You'll be surprised, AJ. I thought as I approached the wall.
I used the momentum of my speed to run up the wall, jumped up and grabbed the edge of the roof. Using all the strength I have, I attempted to hoist myself up and get some rest on the roof, wanting some respite from that wild chase I've been experiencing all day.
"Oh no ya don't!"
I got lassoed around my left ankle and felt myself being pulled. I gripped hard on the roof edge, desperately trying to pull myself. My strength was slipping away, but I kept persisting, not wanting to meet my fate.
C'mon! You can do it! I inwardly said to myself, mustering what strength I had left. Just....Just....
I felt myself flying backwards and-
(Stop Music Here)
A few minutes went by while I was discombobulated, not knowing what happened. When my senses cleared, I was looking at the sky and feeling a massive pain on the back of my head. I winced when I felt a bump on the back of my head. Oh that's gonna stay with me for a while. I sat up and looked at Applejack, who was lying upside down and feeling dazed. Judging by the bruise she has on her snout, I think I crashed into her when she finally tugged me from the wall.
"Ha. Looks like my luck hasn't run out yet," I triumphantly said.
I took the rope of my ankle, staggered to my feet, and began to wobble away.
I started talking to myself again. "All right. I just gotta....get my book bag....get on that train....and I'll be home free." I smiled confidently.
"NOT SO FAST!"
I was tackled to the ground and I hit face-first, which gave me a massive headache. I tried to get up, but I was pinned down the same way I was the first time. I felt a hoof on the back of my neck and another on my left arm. Struggled as I might, I was not going anywhere. I've been caught.
"You can run all you like, but nopony can ever escape the awesome Rainbow Dash," she gloated while still sounding angry..
"Oh sweet prospera, why has thou forsaken me?" I muttered
"Oh good, ya got'im," Applejack said and was approaching. "Hold him down while Ah tie 'im up."
"Oh no!" I said, squirming and struggling to get out of Rainbow's grasps, but she was not budging and I no longer had the energy to resist. Applejack tied my wrists (putting them behind my back) and ankles together, then she put the ropes around my arms and torso, tightening them up real good. She then went for my legs. When she was finished, I was completely immobile and at the mercy of the two vengeful ponies.
"Trussed up like a turkey," Applejack remarked.
I was then turned facing up, wincing at the look of my captors. They looked really pissed.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the hay out of you?" the livid Rainbow Dash questioned.
I sheepishly smiled. "Because I gave you a run for the money. I will confess the whole experience was fun." I was awarded by RD with a slight but firm stomp on my belly, knocking the wind out of me.
AJ got into my face and said, "Ya think this is funny, David?"
"Pretty much," I said, weakly smiling.
"Let's see if ya'll feel that way when we're through with ya," Applejack replied as she narrowed her eyes at me.
"Oh joy," I said.
"Man, I am so uncomfortable," I complained to nopony in particular.
After I was caught, Applejack held one of the ropes I was tied with in her mouth and began dragging me across Ponyville. The gawks and laughters from the bystanders was enough to put me in humiliation. I knew that this is only the beginning, so I just endured. While Applejack was dragging me, Rainbow Dash went to retrieve my book bag and knew where to find it because the farm pony to told her, remarking that she saw me drop it earlier. Rainbow came back with my bag, but not for charitable reasons. The colorful pegasus took out my train ticket and looked at me with a grin on her face. She ripped my ticket in half and threw it in the garbage. What a way to add insult to injury.
We arrived in Sweet Apple Acres and came up to the barn where I pulled the prank on Applejack. The smell from my staint bomb still reeks in there. I noticed that the barn was mostly empty and only had a hay bed in the middle. Oh jeez. I was tossed in there and was told that I will spend the night sleeping in that stinking barn. Another cruel irony. I was given a few apples in order to calm my hunger down, but was not invited to eat in the house for the evening. With that note, Applejack and Rainbow Dash left the barn, took my book bag away and locked me in. It was the worst sleep of my life.
I was forced to wake up early in the morning. Applejack came in and untied me. She gave me a few more things to eat and some time to stretch myself. She was still upset, but not as much as yesterday. When I was finished she took me outside, where Big Mac and, to my surprise, Rainbow Dash. The former with a glare and the latter with a big smug on her face.
I've got a bad feeling about this, I thought with a little worry.
"Al'right," Applejack began while turning in my direction. "Time for ya to pay."
"Pardon?" I asked with a big confusion on my face. I could have sworn I was already receiving payback.
"That prank ya pulled on me in that there barn has ruined all of the apples Ah harvested that day. Ah've already told ya to not mess with our livelihood, and ya have done just that."
I raised my hands. "In my defense, I said I would not mess with the trees, I never said that I would-"
"Don't you get smart with me!" AJ interrupted and pointed her hoof at me. "Ya knew what Ah meant! Ya messed up the Apple products and now ya gotta pay for it."
"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed with a serious tone.
I sighed. "Okay, so how much do I owe you."
"Oh no," she shook her head and then looked at me. "Ya not gonna pay with yer bits, ya gonna work for the lost apples."
"What!" I exclaimed with my eyes open. "Your gonna make me work for free?!"
"This is not up for discussion. Ya gonna pay for the apples ya damaged and that's final!" She finished her sentence with a stomp to the ground. "Now here's what ya gotta do." She pointed at the barn I just came out of. "Ya gonna clear the barn of the smell and paint the whole building."
"Then, ya gonna replant the tree seeds at the south part of the orchards." She pointed at a field with countless rows of fields ready for planting.
"Then ya gonna plow the field on the west side." I saw large field that was prepped for plowing.
Are YOU kiddding me?!
"That should be enough to cover for all the apples ya have ruined."
"Mama mia," I replied. This is going to be a very tiring day. This whole time Big Mac just stayed staring with a serious face while Rainbow Dash looked on with amusement. She's really enjoying my suffering.
"Ya'll be startin' in thirty minutes," Applejack finished as she turned her back towards me.
Confused at that last sentence, I began to ask, "Why in thirty minutes? Why not just start -OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooh!" I was interrupted by something painful. Applejack had kicked me with one of her hind legs. Where you might ask? In the part of the body where you go to the bathroom to do number one with. Yep, that sensitive area. I dropped on the ground, holding my manhood and groaning in misery. I take back what I said earlier, the pain in my sensitive parts is far worse than having to scratch it.
"Applejack!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in surprise while Big Mac winced at the sight. Only he would know how it feels.
Applejack turned back around and looked at me with a half smile. "Cuz Ah'm sure ya gonna need that long to recuperate from me bucking at yer sensitive area, even though Ah did not kick ya with full force." I'm glad she did not, I'm in a world of pain right now.
"What did you do that for?" Rainbow asked AJ, seemingly upset.
"Ya know the reason, RD," the farm pony retorted. "He had it coming." So this is what Applejack meant when she said that I will not be having children, or foals in pony language.
"I'm angry he did that to me too, but that doesn't mean you gotta hurt him that bad," Rainbow then turned to me with what seemed to be a concerned face. "Here let me help you." She came and helped me to my feet. "Okay, you need to put your hoofs, err hands, on the the back of your head and look up. You also need to stand on the back part of your...feet I think. (She's talking about my ankles) and then breathe in and out." She demonstrated the posture while she spoke. Then she went back on four hooves. "All the stallions have told me that when they do this after being kicked in their stallion-hood, they feel better within minutes." She finished with an innocent smile.
I seriously doubted that it was going to work, but I was willing to try anything to reduce the gnawing pain. I did exactly as Dash suggested, looked up a little and started breathing in my nose and out with my mouth. The position, however, was not reducing the agony I was feeling.
"Rainbow," I began asking. "Are you sure this is going to work? I don't feel any - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I felt the pain increase dramatically and fell back on the ground. Tears of pain were coming out of my eyes as I wheezed and groaned at this excruciating feeling. It's like when a professional baseball player throws a fast ball at your sensitive area. THAT'S HOW MUCH IT HURTS!
"Rainbow!" Applejack exclaimed in genuine surprise. "Ya kicked him harder than me!"
"Hmph. He's gotta learn that nopony touches Rainbow Dash in the rump and gets away with it. He deserved it," Rainbow Dash coldly replied.
I wanted to say 'damn you' to that colorful trickster, but I was in too much pain to give a coherent response. I stayed laying on the ground, holding my parts and groaning in misery.
"Well, I reckon this will teach 'im to keep his hooves to 'imself," Applejack conceded. "Okay Big Mac, make sure he does his chores when he finishes here."
"I've gotta get back on weather patrol," Rainbow Dash remarked. "I'll see you all later." After the two farmers said their goodbyes, the colorful pegasus flew away.
Applejack left to attend to her business, leaving me and Big Mac alone. If I were some kind of poet, I will probably write this phrase as a warning to my readers.
You slap a mare in the flank,
and you'll gets bucked in the tenders.
"Oh jeez, my body aches," I complained.
"Quit yer whinin'," Applejack scolded. "Ya got one more thing to do and ya'll free to go."
I had spent hours on end serving my time Sweet Apples 'prison.' Big Mac was watching me the whole time, making sure that I wouldn't bolt and shirk on my duties. Bummer. When I had finished, I was so damn tired that I wanted to collapse on a bed. Unfortunately when Big Mac and I came to the farm house, Applejack stopped us on our tracks. She asked her brother if I finished the chores, with Big Mac replying in the affirmative. I had thought my prison sentence was finished, but Applejack dashed that hope. She said I needed to go with her to the barn to do one last thing before I'm free. With so much reluctance, I followed her.
As I walked, I was reflecting on my recent actions. All I wanted to do was have some fun and pull pranks on my pony friends. I've repeatedly fallen victim to their humiliating acts against me. So much so that I got annoyed and wanted them to be on the receiving end of the practical jokes. Pinkie Pie never takes things personally and would treat it as a game. So I never had to worry about offending the laughing pony. The other three got really pissed with me. I ruined Rairity's hair and reputation, did something indecent to Applejack and Rainbow Dash in public, caused the former to lose assets, and humiliated the latter when she took the fall for what I did. Have I taken things too far? Do I have regrets for what I've done? Should I stop pulling pranks in the future and go back to the way things were? Maybe it's for the best?
What fun would that be? My only regret was that I got caught and I'll make sure not to repeat that mistake for the next time. As soon as I'm finished here, I'll go back to scheming my pranks. For now I just gotta finish my punishment and recuperate from the whole ordeal.
When we approached the barn, Applejack motioned for me to enter the barn. I complied, wanting to get this over with. When I entered, I was greeted with an unusual sight. In the middle of the barn was a wooden stockade, which was open and had a lock close to it. Why the hell does Applejack have this? Then it hit me.
"Oh crap," I panicked. Before I can do anything, I was surrounded by a light blue aura, making me immobile. "Hey! What the hell is going on?! Let me go!" I demanded.
Normally, I could offer more resistance and possibly free myself from a magical grasp, but the forced labor I endured earlier has weakened me considerably. I was lifted off the ground and put on the stockade, which was closed on me and I heard a lock click. I could only see my hands now and what is in front of me. The stockade had forced me into a bending position. I heard some clopping hooves and then saw Applejack in front of me with a smirk on her face.
"Applejack, what is this?" I asked in a frustrated tone.
"A couple of our guests would like to have a word with ya," AJ replied. She nodded at somepony I couldn't see and then I heard clopping hooves coming my way. A cyan pegasus got in front of me with an evil smile on her face and carrying something.
"Rainbow?" I asked with astonishment. I noticed that she was holding a leather belt buckle. "Why are you carrying that?"
She rolled her eyes and responded. "Isn't it obvious you moron? I'm going to give you the biggest flank whupping in Equestria."
I was inwardly nervous but tried to keep my composure. "So you're not content with striking me at the front. Now your gonna whip me at my rear?"
"And she won't be the only one my dear."
I heard a third pony approaching and soon came to my view.
"Rarity?" Her hair was back to normal at this time.
"Hello David," Rarity said with a grin and levitating her own belt buckle. "When I found out it was you who ruined my beautiful hair, I felt awful for what I did to Rainbow here." She looked at her friend apologetically. "I sincerely apologized to her and wanted to make up for my rash action." She then turned back to me with an evil smile. "I then came up with the delicious idea. While you are tied up, Rainbow and I will be treating you to what you called 'Roman style' whipping."
My eyes widen. I once told my pony friends about how the Romans used to scourge their victims. Two Roman soldiers would whip their prisoners from either side, each punisher giving twenty lashes. Forty slashes was enough to leave a bloody back on the victim. It appears that the vengeful unicorn and pegasus in front of me want to whip me forty times at my butt. I chose the wrong day to wear shorts.
"Oh no," I said panicking.
"Oh yes," Rainbow replied while cracking her belt in a show of intimidation. "We are going to have so much fun with you and I'll won't be holding back." Her evil smile widened.
I'm not going to be able to sit for a while after this.