Dear Princess Lunchtime,
When I asked for a more regal letter, I wasn’t exactly expecting... this. I’ll give it a shot, but I’m not sure that the larger letter, the more majesty it brings. On the plus side, this letter does fit well on a queen sized bed. I wonder if this is the first time a sheet of paper has actually been used as a bed sheet. Don’t get me wrong, I can practically feel the authenticity dripping off this thing, but I’ve been attuning myself to lunch magic, but that grey stallion might miss it, you know? It’s a subtle kind of power.
I do think infusing it with the scent of potato skin appetizers was a nice touch, though. It really helps sell the whole thing.
But I realized last night that I’d forgotten to get his name or address or anything other than blinking. I guess I just got too carried away trying to get him to see that spreading the message of lunchtime was so important for the well-being of Equestria. I kept talking right up until the elevator doors closed and I couldn’t see him anymore. Then those security guards pounced on me and tossed me outside.
But I’m going to try again with this new letter just as soon as the hotel gets back to me about whether or not these rooms come with a complimentary wheelbarrow. They seemed pretty surprised when I asked. I can’t believe nopony has requested on before.
Oh, and I had a little time to kill earlier, so I decided that there was no time like the present. You would have loved it, Your High-Noon-ness! I took that roll of “What’s For Lunch?” stickers you gave me and stood out on the busiest corner that I could find. I’m not that good at yelling, but I did my best to tell the passers-by all about the importance of lunch. They didn’t want to stop, so I eventually just started jumping in front of them and asking if they’d really thought about what they were doing with their hour? Mostly, they just tried to run off, but most of them didn’t get away before I tagged them with one of those stickers. I know the truth can be shocking, but I think they’ll see that message later today and probably have a really good dialogue with themselves about what noon really means.
But the most amazing thing happened! There I was, yelling about senior discounts and warning the citizens against brunch’s false truth when the citizens started giving me money! I’d left my saddlebag off to the side, and I guess I forgot to close it when I got those stickers out. Occasionally, some pony would walk by and shake their head at me. Then they’d toss a bit or two in my bag and tell me it was going to be okay. I can’t believe what power that the message of lunchtime has, Princess! Somehow, these ponies knew I needed money, and they gave it to me. I never dreamed the midday meal had such a wide sphere of influence.
Eventually my throat got a little sore, so I went back in and used some of that money to buy a map of the city. I think that might have been a mistake because I’m more confused than ever. These streets are more twisted and tangled than a plate of spaghetti. Actually, I think that might be the problem. Spaghetti is more of a dinner thing, so I think the city is working against me. It’s no wonder I got turned around.
I’ve been meaning to ask you if I should tolerate the other meals, or should I try to smite them or something. I’ve been trying to pack all of my eating in the time between noon and one o’ clock, but then I feel a little ill afterward. Plus, I’m hungry again by the time I want to go to sleep. I eventually decided to just order off the lunch menu whenever I’m out. The wait staff in the restaurants around her get a little bent out of shape about it, but I told them that I have dietary restrictions. Until I hear from you about it, I’m only having lunch items, and if that’s at six at night, then so be it!
I keep seeing ponies going to dinner, and it makes me a little angry to think that they probably planned that night out on their lunch break! In fact, I marched right into this bistro they have next door and started asking the ponies in there when they’d made their reservations, but the manager escorted me back outside.
Not before I got him with a sticker, though.
But I’m a little unsure what to do now. Do I go back to show your letter to the Element of Getting A Quick Bite Out Of A Vending Machine So That You Don’t Really Have To Leave Your Desk And Stop Working On That Really Important Thing, or do I go to the Repository to have them look at the book? Both seem so important to our cause! I just can’t decide. What should I do?
Your faithful student,
Poppyseed