"Zounds! Steam almighty!" Flim reeled backwards, looking faint. "The Blue Jay! In Shindig's Tower!"
"What could have brought such a malevolent miscreant to our very domain this hour?!" Flam stammered.
Rainbow Dash—who this whole time had been cringing—finally found a reason to blink. "...uhh... you guys for real?"
"Ohhhh the Equinity!" Flam stumbled past her. In mid teeter, he brushed his muzzle by her ear. "What are you waiting for, Little Miss? Your cue was three lines ago!"
"H-Huh?!" Rainbow did a double-take.
Flam hissed, "I know you're early, but come on! Be on point!"
Rainbow grimaced. "Celestia, I'm so confused..."
"Erm..." Gustave leaned his head in, murmuring. "I do believe they've got us confused with theatrical charlatans."
"What?" Rainbow glanced back at her.
"He did say we were 'early.' We must be confused with some performers they've hired." He cleared his throat and dove forward, rearing his talons. "Raaaaaaaurgh! I'm a griffon! A... mud blooded plebeian of the underworld! And I eat little ponies for breakfast! Nyaaaarugh!"
"Eeeeeeeeeek!" The foals reeled back, giggling.
"Er... y-yeah!" Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, puffing her chest out as she spread her artificial wings. "That's me, alright! The Blue Jay! Jerkbad of the... h-high winds!" She did her best snarl. "And I've come to liberate all non-ponies and... r-redistribute the wealth!"
"Booooooooo!" The wealthy parents and elderly ponies jeered from their chairs.
"Heeheee!" Epcot jumped forward. "And I'm Epcot and I'm adorable!"
WHUMP! Rainbow bucked her to the floor. "Ha! Take that, you stupid rich earth pony! I... uh..." She glanced awkwardly at the crowd. "...I've come here to kick flank and stomp babies. And I am totally not out of babies."
"Grrrrrrghh!" Gustave fluttered up to a wall and brushed his tail feathers against Shindig's portrait. "I rub my arse all over the legacy of Queen Serenity Shindig!"
"Okay, Tweety, I think they get the picture," Rainbow grumbled aside.
"Grnnnffhggh... mmmff!" Epcot struggled to get up in her bulky gown. Her legs stuck up as she blinked at the candle-lit ceiling of the ballroom. "I seem to be having a disagreement with gravity..."
"Oh, what a disaster!" Flim exclaimed. "Who will save us from this crazed sociopathic menace?!"
"I know!" Flam raised a hoof. "Flim and Flam!"
"Yes!" Flim jumped in place. "The Sons of Serenity!"
"But where might they be, huh?" Flam smirked, reached into mallet space, and pulled out a pair of porkpie hats and a fake mustache. "How about it? Who's brave enough to ward off our pitiable enemies for Mommy Serenity?!"
The foals all jumped to the occasion.
"Oh!"
"Me!"
"I wanna be Flim!"
"I wanna be Flam!"
"No, I wanna be Flam!"
"Heheheh!" The mustached stallion chuckled, gave the porkpie hat to a young colt, and fitted a mustache to his tiny muzzle. "You and me both, ya little scamp!"
"There ya go, darlin'!" Flim fitted a hat to a little filly. "Or—should I say—Miss Flim!" He pivoted the mare around and had her face Rainbow Dash. "Now... rid the Blue Jay for the good of all Philanthropy!"
"In the name of cider and glory! But mostly cider!" Flam shouted.
The two foals pranced up towards Rainbow Dash, snarling and giggling.
Rainbow stood in place, blinking. She looked across the way, and Gustave gestured at her. She winced. "Ah... jeez... my... uh... my wings!" Fwomp! She fell over, "cowering" away from the two kids. "I can't outfly this rampaging Philanthropy justice. Oh... uh... whatever shall I do? This is the worst. Possible. Thing. Darling. Opalescence... n'stuff..."
"Forsooth! I have been skewered!" Gustave collapsed on his end of the room. "With the Blue Jay defeated, my brothers and I are nothing but feathers and angst!"
"You know... if they call it 'Cranium Command,' then how come there's no puppets to represent the sinuses?" Epcot mused aloud.
Rainbow hissed at her, and the chaperone silenced herself.
"The Blue Jay is defeated!" Flim and Flam chimed.
"Hooooooooray!"
"Now..." Flim leaned forward, grinning. "Finish her off!"
"That means all of you, kiddies!"
The foals stampeded forward, shoving and bucking and tickling Rainbow hard from all sides.
"Aaugh! D'oh! Quit it!" Rainbow squeaked. "Yeesh, haven't any of you heard of the Geneighva Convention? OW! Darn it, I'm down! I'm down!"
The foals giggled unrelenting in their punishment. The adults looking on smirked at one another while Flim and Flam's warbling chuckles filled the air.
Just then, a door opened.
The musicians on the side of the room snapped to it, performing an elegant ballad.
Immediately, every pony—young and old—stood at attention, facing the far end of the ballroom and bowing.
Flim and Flam filed up, side by side, and bowed low. "Mother... your presence is a blessing as always..."
"Nnnngh..." Rainbow winced, glancing over through thin eyes. "...buh?"