//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: The Sisterhooves Anti-Social // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Ponyville. A city of equines that go about their lives, living from one disaster to the next. Ponyville, where moments of sheer terror and excitement are broken up by extended periods of boredom as well as a distinct lack of anything to do. Ponyville, which has never been quite the same since the arrival of Twilight Sparkle. Ponyville, a sleepy provincial city, where a visit from the Princesses was big news… “Spike! Spike the Princesses are coming! Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are coming. Spike… Spike… Spike… everything has to be perfect!” Spike, having seen all of this before, was able to observe all of the warning signs, every known indicator that something would go wrong. And if something went wrong, Spike knew he would probably be responsible for the clean up. Corner of the eye twitching ✓ State of near hyperventilation ✓ Strands of loose mane appearing accompanied by audible -twang!- sounds ✓ Demands for everything to be ‘perfect’, an imaginary ideal created by Twilight Sparkle ✓ There was only one thing left to do in this situation, one final option, and Spike knew it was time to get clear and find shelter from what was sure to be a disaster if this was allowed to continue. The little dragon cleared his throat. “Ahem, Twilight, I promised Rarity that I would help her organise her closets.” Twilight shook her head. “Spike, I need you here with me, helping me get everything ready for the visit from the Princesses.” “But I made a promise… to Rarity. Do you want me to break my promise?” Feeling pretty clever, Spike forced his face to remain passive, allowing no smile to escape. Twilight was squirming now, caught, the Princess of Friendship couldn’t be responsible for the breaking of a promise to a friend. Even better, he had in fact made a promise to Rarity to help, so he wasn’t lying. It had just never been decided when they would get together to tackle the chore. “Maybe I should ask Rarity for help—” “There is no need for that,” Spike said, cutting in and trying to prevent Twilight from getting any funny ideas. “Everything will be fine. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would probably appreciate arriving in Ponyville without a big commotion. I’m sure they just want a chance to be themselves.” “Perhaps you’re right,” Twilight replied. Her brows furrowed and she looked at Spike. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you Number One Assistant.” Spike, not quite believing his good luck, decided that it was time to go. “Well, uh, I had better get going. Don’t worry about this so much Twilight.” He wasn’t in the clear just yet, he could see Twilight’s eye still twitching and he could tell that Twilight was planning. Twilight’s plans always had unforeseen consequences. For a moment, Spike wondered when the next train to the Crystal Empire was leaving. “Twilight has received word of our visit,” Luna said in a worried voice as she looked at her sister. “I thought we were going to keep our arrival secret.” “I had to tell her… It seems impolite somehow to just drop in unannounced. Ponyville is practically her city,” Celestia replied, not bothering to look at Luna but instead watching as the train was being loaded. Rolling her eyes, Luna snorted in frustration. She shook her head and snorted again, hoping to draw her sister’s attention. Celestia seemed far too absorbed in watching the train as it was being filled with cargo. Aware of her sister’s desire for attention, but focusing upon the train instead, Celestia smiled. “Sister, we do not get out enough. I do not know what happened. There used to be adventure… excitement. We went out to retrieve the Elements of Harmony. We fought dragons. We went out and retrieved powerful artifacts from distant lands, brought them home, and exploited their power for the good of our subjects.” Celestia fell silent, her eyes closing for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, she turned to look at Luna. “Now look at us. We get excited about a simple day trip, riding upon a train to Ponyville, off to commit various nefarious acts and prankish misdeeds against our subjects. What happened?” “We grew up and became responsible?” Luna replied, not sure what to say. Celestia’s words bore down upon her like some great weight. “You decided to settle down and found a kingdom. I do not know what happened. I was… away when some of these changes took place.” Celestia, aware that an awkward silence was coming, could do nothing to stop it. It arrived at the train platform with a deafening roar, causing Celestia to look away from Luna. It caused Luna to turn her head and stare at a wall, her focused stare treating the wall as though it was the most interesting thing Luna had ever viewed. The silence, a powerful thing, muffled the sounds around the sisters, causing the bustle of the train yard to soften into a dull muted bit of background noise. Wrestling against her own pain, Celestia forced herself to say something. “It is important to look for the good in everything… when we had our… disagreement, when our squabble happened, I learned a few things.” Luna’s reply was raspy, dry, her regal voice sounded parched. “And what did you learn?” “How important it was to keep my subjects safe. How much they meant to me. I guess I knew it was time to settle down and stop adventuring. I also learned how important you were to me… I was far too heartbroken to go out and face the world after I lost you… so I stayed home and I tried to focus upon ruling so I would not think of all of the ways that I had failed you.” “I… I… I do not wish to be so maudlin! Today was supposed to be a day of fun and merriment,” Luna said. Looking at her sister once more, Celestia offered up a quivering smile. “It still can be. Today can be an adventure. Just like old times. There is nothing stopping us from taking wing and going to Ponyville on our own. We do not have to allow the guard to escort us.” “We might be lectured.” Luna peered over at the assembled guard. “The commander is a mother hen.” “Plus, most of the guard are pegasi. They fly. Eluding them could be an adventure all of its own.” Celestia blinked away a single tear. “It is good to have you back… I have missed having you as both my sister and my accomplice.” “I believe a suitable distraction would allow our escape,” Luna said as her eyes narrowed. She began to study the surrounding area, looking for something, anything, that might work as a means of distraction. On the next platform over, there was a large crowd of secondary school age fillies and a group of grown mares acting as chaperones. Luna was only somewhat aware of their purpose, going off to Rainbow Falls for some kind of band competition. An idea began to form. “Luna, what mischief are you plotting?” Celestia asked. Luna’s expression was worrisome. Luna was up to something, which caused Celestia to worry about what was about to happen. Making no reply, Luna continued to think, her lips pursed together, and her ears splayed out sideways as she continued to plot. There was a gaggle of teenage fillies, a source of mischief if ever there was one, all they needed was something to set them off. Something to get them riled up. Teenage fillies were a force of nature, much like a tornado or a flood, and, like a tornado or a flood, they were a disaster that could be made to happen. Luna needed a catalyst, something to provoke them into a frenzy. Conjuring up a giant spider or three was too dangerous, plus, fillies these days seemed to like spiders. Gross icky bugs were no longer quite so gross or icky. Daring Do had made giant spiders popular. Spiders and centipedes had become pets, something unthinkable to Luna. No, that would never work. Perhaps something else was needed, but no other opportunities presented themselves. The third train platform had a few commuters upon it, miserable looking souls that appeared ready to expire from boredom at any moment. Ponies in need of excitement, or so Luna thought. “Luna, what are you planning?” Celestia asked. Once more, Luna did not reply. She was committed now, focused, seeking results. The blinders were on and Luna was now presented with a challenge. Lacking any other resource, Luna turned to look at the guard. With the guard today was three cadets, three young trainees that had joined the ranks not long ago. Teenage colts. They had not yet earned their armor. A terrible idea formed in Luna’s mind. A terrible, horrible, awful no good idea. Her head dropped down a bit and her nostrils flared as a wicked grin manifested, a rictus of ill omen. Celestia shivered. Nopony smiled quite like Luna when Luna had a mind for making trouble. It wasn’t that Luna was a bad pony, it was just that Luna could be a wicked pony. “Celestia, what is the name of that pony that makes all of the fillies go weak in the knees? You know, the heartthrob? He’s on all of the magazines they market to fillies and he shills popular culture… who is he?” Luna asked. Wracking her brain, Celestia struggled to recall a name. She was not well versed in popular culture, but she knew of the celebrity in question, having once entertained him in the castle. He had arrived for a formal dinner and then wrote a review of the food and the social environment. The cheeky stallion had called the castle culinary experience ‘bland and uninspired.’ Celestia felt a hot flash of anger just thinking about it. He had described the event as being dry and stuffy. Celestia was not angry at the stallion for libel, she was angry because every word in his review had been true. Celestia loathed so many of these social affairs and the stallion had created a long list of all of the reasons why she hated these detestable social functions. “His name is Trenderhoof,” Celestia said after she managed to recall his name. “Excellent,” Luna replied, her utterance of a single word little more than a mutter. “Luna, what are you about to do?” Celestia asked, now feeling more than a little worried. “Be prepared to take flight,” Luna replied, explaining nothing. A little illusion was in order to aid their escape. Nothing too serious, Luna intended to take one of the cadets and make him look like Trenderhoof for a while. The spell would wear off in a short time. Luna felt confident that the cadet, a young not quite so handsome looking colt, wouldn’t mind being mobbed by squealing teenage fillies. He might get trampled, sure, but he was young, broad barreled, and sturdy looking. He would survive. The way Luna saw it, Luna was doing him a favour. Out of the three cadets, he was least attractive looking. Luna knew his type right away. He would probably marry the first filly he kissed, his first love, and he would go on to live a long productive, if somewhat boring, life as a devoted husband, a member of the guard, and a quiet unassuming member of society from which no trouble would ever come. Yes, Luna thought to herself. I am doing him a favour. He might even get a new fillyfriend out of this. The justification, however flimsy, eased Luna’s mind and she prepared her magic. The colt was already wearing glasses. A lot of the guard wore glasses. To remain uniform, the helmets they wore had invisible means of vision correction. The colt was a unicorn, so most of Luna’s work was already done. A little shift in colour, a tweak to how the glasses looked, an adjustment to how long the colt’s neck was. It was close enough for Luna’s purposes. She sucked in a lungful of air and then said the words to begin the stampede. “OH MY! IS THAT TRENDERHOOF?” The effect was immediate. Every single teenage filly turned their heads in unison, a sight that would haunt Luna’s dreams for years to come, and several full grown mares turned to look as well. Ponies, herd animals, sometimes behaved a little too much like a herd. Several of the male commuters also lifted their heads to have a look, an unintended consequence. A roar went through the crowd. “Sister, I do believe it is time to go!” Luna cried. The sounds of thudding hooves upon the wooden platform was thunderous. The teenage fillies were stampeding. Celestia felt true terror well up from the very depth of her being. She had battled dragons, the undead, and had even once made the mistake of once answering one of Twilight Sparkle’s many ‘why is this’ questions, opening the floodgates for an endless stream of other questions that would come later, but this unnerved her. The mob was terrifying. A cry came from the guard. “Brace yourselves! Form ranks!” Luna took wing and did not turn back to look at the carnage behind her. As she flew away, she could hear the chaos on the train platform. The squealing, the shrieking, the screaming. The guard were overwhelmed, Luna could hear their cries to retreat, she heard the commands shouting for backup. Beside her, Celestia was laughing and Luna felt good about their escape.