//------------------------------// // Ponies of a Feather // Story: The Witch of the Everfree // by MagnetBolt //------------------------------// “You must clear your mind,” Zecora said, sitting with her legs folded. “To find your spirit guide you must first unwind.” I tried to ignore the pain in my hind legs from the uncomfortable position I was sitting in, trying to mimic her. That wasn’t too hard. I ignored the throbbing pain from my twisted front hoof all the time. The strange smells and sights of Zecora’s hut were like a second home to me, and didn’t worry me at all. Clearing my thoughts was difficult, though. Twilight had gone back to Canterlot, and part of me was still worried that the fear I’d seen in her would change things between us. So I’d gone to Zecora to see if there was anything she could do to help. She’d suggested I try to find my spirit guide. Apparently it would help me see myself as others saw me, and help me if I really wanted to improve myself. “Clear my thoughts…” I mumbled. The drink she’d given me was helping me relax. Everything was swimming around me, and I felt warm and detached. It was nice. I just hoped it didn't give me a hangover like Granny's apple whiskey. Zecora started chanting. I took deep breaths, and I started to drift away, into that place between dreams and wakefulness. I let myself go, and everything around me faded to an indistinct blur. There was a timeless interval. It could have been seconds or minutes or hours and I wouldn’t have known. Things started to come into focus. White marble and gold. Elaborate windows. I knew where I was. I knew it instinctively, the same way you know everything in a dream. I was in Canterlot. Fear seized at my heart, and the sky outside of the windows turned cloudy, obscuring the sun. I felt like an interloper. I didn’t belong here. I was an outcast. Celestia had banished me, and this place wasn’t my home and never would be again. There was a sudden heat behind me, like an oven opening. I turned, and my eyes went wide. “Sunset, you don’t look pleased to see me~” It was me. I knew it was me, even as warped as it was. Nearly as large as Celestia, with a red coat, black eyes, a mane and tail of fire, and huge bat-like wings. It was what I’d wanted to be, but horribly twisted. “T-this isn’t what Zecora said I’d see!” I stammered, taken aback. I’d been expecting to see a bird or a turtle or something and have it say something vague and prophetic. Maybe about how friendship was magic, or about how only I could prevent forest fires, or something like that. I wasn’t prepared for… this demonic copy of myself, whatever it was. It stepped closer, and I was frozen to the spot I stood in. I’d had nightmares before, where I was powerless, not even able to run or hide. I was having one now. I couldn't move my hooves from where they were stuck to the ground, my limbs refusing to respond. “She said you’d get in touch with your innermost self,” the demonic duplicate said, grinning and showing long fangs. “That’s me. I’m what you’re really like, Sunset. Or should I say the terrible Pony of Shadows? You want ponies to respect you. Well, really, you want them to fear you. Respect has to be earned, but you can just MAKE them fear you! It’s so much easier!” “No!” I shouted, shivering. “That’s not true!” “Isn’t it?” The demon loomed over me. I could feel the heat of the flames from its body. I shouldn’t have been able to even feel that. I was protected against heat, even magical flames. Celestia herself would have a hard time making a fire spell stick. “I’m not a monster. I’m not like you!” I glared, trying not to let the fear show on my face. “You keep telling everypony how bad you are,” she said. I could almost smell the brimstone on her breath. “You want this. You want to be me. You want to use that power you’re so proud of! And the best way to use it is to destroy everything that opposes you! Make ponies bow before you in terror!” “No!” I screamed as her hooves found my neck, the sharp edges digging into my skin and- “You must wake!” Zecora said, her hooves on my shoulders as I started to come out of it, the demon dissolving into the nothingness it had come from. “You were beginning to shiver and shake. What did you see that made you quake?” “I saw…” I swallowed. “I saw myself. I should go.” I stood up, almost falling into a shelf before Zecora steadied me. “And it frightened you so?” Zecora frowned. “We should talk before you go.” “No,” I said, cutting her off. “I just need to… to be alone for a while.” I sniffled. “Zecora, am I really…” She waited for me to finish. I shook my head. “Never mind. I’m just going to go back to the castle.” “Be careful, Sunset. You are not fully yourself yet.” “Good,” I whispered. “Maybe I can keep it up.” I walked out of the hut. I couldn’t look at Zecora now. I’d asked for help and found, what, that I was beyond helping? That monstrous thing I’d seen - had it really been me? Was that how other ponies saw me? Was that how Twilight really saw me, too? Part of me wanted her to fear me. To make her admit that I was more worthy than she was, that she was an interloper that had taken my place. Just like Cadance had. When I helped her, though, it was like I was almost back in Canterlot. When I'd be praised for passing a test, I was on top of the world. With Twilight doing the same tests, learning some of the same spells, being asked the same questions... it was a rush. I'd feel good for a while, because she was as passionate about learning as I was. She'd get excited, I'd get excited, and then it would all come crashing down when she told me how proud Celestia was of her. Of her. Not me. She didn't even talk about me, like I'd never existed. I wiped tears from my eyes. I really hoped a manticore or chimaera or something would jump out at me. I’d probably just let it eat me, at this point. What I didn’t expect was a bolt from the blue. Or, more accurately, a blue pony trailing rainbows, coming in at high speed. I looked up just in time to see the expression on her face just before she slammed into me and both of us were sent crashing to the ground, everything going black. Looking back at it, I guess I was lucky. I didn’t have any dreams about meeting my other self, which would have made things even worse. And I didn’t get eaten while I was unconscious, which in the Everfree was frankly a miracle. I’d seen animals get gnawed on just for moving too slowly. I sat up and rubbed my head, immediately finding the bruise. It was swollen, but thankfully not bleeding. I started looking around for the train that must have crashed into me. “I don’t feel so good…” complained another, scratchy, high-pitched voice. I turned to glare at it. A sky-blue pegasus stood up, trying to shake the impact and having a worse time of it than I was. Her hair was a riot of colors, reminding me of the Zap Apples that Applejack harvested from time to time. “Of course not!” I snapped. “You just crashed into me like an idiot!” I picked her up with my magic, the pegasus squirming against it. “No, I mean I crashed because I’m sick!” She sniffled and sneezed, though I wasn’t sure if it was genuine or if she was just demonstrating her ‘sickness’. “I thought I was okay to practice, but… I guess I wasn’t.” “You’re not much of a thinker,” I snorted. I shook her a little, watching her twist and try to free herself. “Wait a minute…” She narrowed her eyes. “You’re the Pony of Shadows! Pinkie Pie told me all about you!” She grinned widely. “This is so awesome! Do something cool with your magic!” “Shouldn’t you be terrified of me?” I flipped her upside down. “Pinkie Pie is.” “Huh?” the pegasus looked confused. “What do you- oh! Because she always runs from you. Nah, she just does that because you like it.” “Because I... like it?” I shivered. Did I really like ponies running away from me? “Yeah. She thinks you’re awesome. She said it’s like a game you play.” “Well…” I smiled. “She’s pretty awesome too, then. Next time you see her, tell her she doesn’t have to run. Maybe I’ll buy her a cupcake.” “The last thing she needs is more sugar,” the pegasus laughed, her laughter turning into deep, wet coughs. Maybe she wasn’t faking after all. “Okay, kid. Let’s get you home.” I started walking towards the town. “My name isn’t kid. It’s Rainbow Dash.” She puffed up her chest, despite being both sick and upside-down. “And I’m the fastest thing alive!” “...Sure you are, kid,” I snorted. “Fast enough to nearly kill me. I’m not gonna leave a foal out here alone.” “I’m not a foal. I'm almost fifteen and I live on my own!” She coughed again. “Great. I’ll get you some orange juice or something, then.” I shrugged. Zecora could probably do something for her, but she also didn’t like to intervene unless it was really necessary. If Dash just had a cold, it was better for her to sleep it off. “Um… I kind of live in a cloud house,” Dash said. “So you might have some problems, you know… getting there.” “Great,” I sighed. “My best friend is sort of a doctor. Well, a vet. It’s basically the same thing except you know, fewer ponies and more dogs and stuff. She lives in the Whitetail Woods, so it’s even closer than my place.” Most ponies could tell you where the Everfree ended and the Whitetail Woods began, but none of them could point it out on a map. There wasn’t some hard divide like a river or gorge. Instead, the Everfree ended where the wild magic that defined it faded out. Earth ponies could sense the difference in the soil. Pegasai could feel it in the wind. For me, it was like walking out of a fog, my magic suddenly clearing up. The Whitetail Woods was quiet and nice and calm, but I felt exposed. The trees were far enough apart that sunlight streamed between them. No brush or shadows to really hide in, no magical haze to keep me safe from scrying. I mean, it wasn’t like I was really worried about tracking spells anymore. It had been years since I’d vanished, and if Celestia really wanted to find me, she could have done it. Dash sneezed and went into a coughing fit above me. “Fluttershy’s house is to the west of here,” she said. “I recognize this part of the woods. Before we get there, could you maybe lose the cloak? She, um, doesn’t handle scary things very well, and no offense, but you’re a little scary.” “...Yeah, I can do that.” I pulled the cloak free from my shoulders and folded it before shoving it into my saddlebags. “Woah. What happened to you?” Dash asked, her eyes wide as she stared rudely at my scars. “Accident with a manticore,” I said. “Right after my own flight practice.” “Unicorns can’t fly,” Dash said. “I figured that out on the way down,” I grinned, waving my twisted hoof at her. “Yeah. Do me a favor and practice somewhere less dangerous than the Everfree. You might not get as lucky as me.” Dash’s friend lived in what seemed like a nice little house, though it was a long way from town. Getting up the hill to her front door was more of a challenge than I’d like to admit. If not for carrying Rainbow Dash, I would have just given up and teleported. I knocked. And waited. “Maybe she isn’t home” I guessed, after a minute. “She’s not really great with meeting ponies,” Dash said. She coughed to clear her throat. “Hey! Flutters! It’s me! Open up!” There were quiet sounds from the other side of the door. It creaked open, and I saw a yellow pony for a moment before she squeaked and ran back inside, slamming the door behind her. “...That went well,” I snorted. “Just put me down and let me handle this,” Dash said. I shrugged and plopped her down on her hooves. She knocked with a hoof. “Fluttershy, it’s okay! I think I’m coming down with something, though and-” Before she finished, the door opened again, and the yellow mare popped out, her eyes wide. “Oh no! It’s not the Moult Mange, is it?” Fluttershy grabbed one of Dash’s wings with her teeth and tugged the feathers, testing them. “No… not the Moult Mange. Rainbow, were you doing that… thing with the thunderclouds again? I told you before that I can’t help with Electro-Gonorrhea and you need to go to the hospital and get burn creams and antibiotics.” Rainbow Dash turned red and looked back at me. “Fluttershy! No!” She started hissing through her teeth, trying not to let me hear. “You promised you wouldn’t bring that up!” “I’m just trying to take care of you,” Fluttershy said. “It’s just the Feather Flu,” Rainbow Dash sighed. “I need a place to crash until I get over it. Well, you know. A place to not crash. I already did that once today…” “You were flying with the Feather Flu?” Fluttershy frowned. “That’s very irresponsible. What if you hurt yourself? Or somepony else?” “She did,” I said. “She crashed into me.” Fluttershy gasped when I spoke up, and rushed over to me, grabbing me with surprising strength and looking over my old wounds. “This looks like some kind of animal attack! And this poor leg…” “Yeah, I broke it pretty badly a few years ago. I still can’t put much weight on it.” I shrugged. It was just part of my life now, even if it sucked eggs. “The only recent injury is this bump on your head… which I’m guessing is from Rainbow.” “Good guess,” I snorted. “I’ll be okay. It’s just a bump.” “Don’t you have problems walking with your leg like this?” Fluttershy frowned and touched my twisted hoof. I winced. “The muscles are partly atrophied and the bone didn’t set right…” “Well, that happens when you don’t go to a real doctor,” I shrugged. “You need physical therapy,” Fluttershy said. “Otherwise this is going to keep hurting forever.” “Hey, you could help her with that!” Dash said, grinning. “Right? I mean, Pinkie Pie said the Pony of Shadows doesn’t like coming into town- and that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen Fluttershy vanish.” “Great,” I sighed. “Fluttershy! I’m not some scary witch!” I coughed. My chest was starting to feel oddly tight. “...Oh mare. I hope I didn’t give you the flu.” Dash winced. “Don’t be stupid. I’m a unicorn. We can’t get the Feather Flu.” Probably. I’m not a doctor. At best I’m a witch doctor, and an apprentice at that. I wasn’t going to tell Dash that though. I wanted her to think I was at least somewhat competent. “It can be really serious when it does happen, though…” Fluttershy whispered, her eyes just appearing from the doorframe, the rest of her hidden inside. “I’ll be okay,” I waved off her concerns. “If I do get sick, I know some herbal stuff that can help.” Tea was technically an herb, right? And staying warm and sleeping it off was the best way to fight a sickness. “I-if you want to come by for physical therapy, um… maybe on Thursdays? That’s when I help animals that have problems…” She swallowed, looking up at me like I was going to scream in her face and say it wasn’t good enough. I gave her a meek smile. “That would be great. I promise I’m not scary.” That was a lie. I was definitely scary. “I can’t pay you much…” That part was, however, true. “You don’t have to pay.” Fluttershy smiled, coming out of the door a little more. She reminded me of a wild animal, cautious and fearful around ponies. It was going to take a long time to earn her trust. “I just can’t stand to see anypony in pain.” “I’m not bad with animals,” I suggested. It was mostly true, as long as you were very generous and extended ‘not bad with animals’ to include, say, blowing monsters up with fireballs. “Maybe I could… help you take care of them?” Fluttershy nodded, hiding her face with her long hair. I shrugged. “See you Thursday, then. Dash, it was… interesting meeting you. Never crash into the Everfree again unless you want to get eaten. You got lucky.” I waved to them and left, limping down the hill. Maybe physical therapy was a good idea. My leg had been hurting more and more these days, to the point that I was starting to tell the weather by how much it ached. As much as I liked the Apples considering me part of the family, I didn’t want to have that much in common with Granny Smith. By the time I got back to the castle, I had revised my estimates. Not only could I get sick with the Feather Flu, it was really bad. Everything was heavy around me, I was getting hot and cold flashes, and my vision was starting to blur. Worst, I felt like I really needed to preen, but I didn’t even have wings. I kept finding myself nibbling at my quills and getting ink on my face. I tapped the quill on my journal, activating the enchantment so I could send messages to Twilight. I wasn’t sure if she was anywhere near it, but I didn’t feel up to doing research myself, especially since my library was a thousand years out of date. Great for researching ancient magic, terrible for researching recent history or medicine. I didn’t want to look up my symptoms and find the recommended treatment was leeches and brandy. “Twilight, I’m feeling a little under the weather. Actually, really sick. Can you check to see if unicorns can get the Feather Flu? If you’re not there, don’t worry too much. I’m just gonna try to sleep it off.” I started a fire and put a pot on to boil for tea. I started to shiver. I was probably running a fever. Considering I was fireproof, I could always sit in the fire pit and get warm that way, but I’d end up filthy from the ashes. “Sunset, I’m looking it up now. It will just be a few minutes while I find the right book. Don’t go to sleep yet.” I smiled. I should have known she’d still be awake and studying. She got out even less than I did, and I lived in a ruined castle in a spooky forest. The book spoke with her voice now, after I’d updated the spell while she’d been on hoof. Now I didn’t sound like I was talking to myself. I let the tea steep and started sipping it, finishing a cup before Twilight got back to me. “Sunset, are you sure it’s the Feather Flu?” “I was helping a sick pegasus today who had it,” I said. “I probably got it from her.” “Only the strongest unicorns can get the Feather Flu,” Twilight wrote. Said. Said is probably more accurate. “It’s possible you have it, but the symptoms are highly variable. It could be very serious.” “How serious?” I asked, getting myself more tea. “Like, should I start writing a will out, or is this just going to be me laid up in bed for a while?” “I don’t know,” Twilight said. There was no inflection in the voice, but I could imagine that she was actually starting to panic. “I need to check more books.” “Twilight, don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll be fine. I’m just going to stay warm, drink a lot of fluids, and maybe eat the rest of that cake before it goes bad.” It wasn’t going to go bad. Celestia had taught me the stasis spell used in the National Equestrian Cake Reserve that kept cakes fresh indefinitely. Twilight’s cake had, in fact, been delicious. That wasn’t a metaphor for anything. We didn’t do anything strange. She was half my age! “If it gets any worse, or if your mane starts falling out, you should contact me immediately. And get a lot of vitamin C. Or D. The recommendations are somewhat conflicting. Do both. They don’t cancel each other out.” “I will,” I promised. “I’ll write you in the morning. I’m going to turn in early.” Very early. The sun wasn’t even down yet. I yawned and finished the tea, then tossed more wood into the fire pit, grabbing some blankets and making a nest in front of it to sleep in. I looked at the clock, the modern device an anachronism in the ancient castle but too useful to do without. I’d been trying to sleep for hours, but I just couldn’t get comfortable. Worse, in my half-asleep state, I was starting to get flashbacks to the vision I’d had with Zecora. Those things that my duplicate had said had stayed with me. I’d close my eyes, and see that horrible thing, and feel a panic attack start to come on, and my eyes would shoot open again. I was so tired, and I just couldn’t rest. It was so frustrating that I started to cry. I just wanted to rest, sleep through the night and this terrible chill and the cold, and wake up feeling more like myself. I saw a flash of fire and heard an echo of dark laughter. Feeling less like myself, maybe. More like the pony I wanted to be, but I didn’t even know what that was anymore. I buried my head in my hooves and wept. All of my joints ached, and my scalp itched, and I was trying to ignore it because scratching only made it worse. The night felt like it was going to last forever. There were hours and hours to go before dawn, and every minute felt like a century. At least my duplicate hadn’t actually shown up yet. Just thinking about her appearing made my cold sweats even worse. I’m not sure when, but at some point I started to hallucinate. Maybe it was because I was so tired, maybe it was the fever messing with me. First I started to hear things. Hoofsteps, which was impossible since I was alone and nopony except Twilight knew where I was. Then I saw flashes of white and gold. The cold vanished, and I was surrounded by warmth. “Sunset…” I shivered at the too-familiar voice and curled up, trying to hide. This was even worse dream than the twisted, demonic copy. It sounded just like the Princess. “Go away…” I mumbled, my voice muffled by my hooves. “You don’t care ‘bout me. Just let me try an’ sleep in peace…” “Twilight is very worried about you. So worried she almost told me about you.” I felt a wing cover me like a blanket. “I miss you, Sunset.” “No you don’t,” I said, sniffling. Just because I was stuffed up. I’d save having a panic attack for if I ever ran into the real Princess. “You replaced me the day after I left, and never even told Twilight about me.” “Sunset Shimmer, you can’t replace a pony. Yes, I took her as my student, but she didn’t take your place. You’re special to me.” Celestia settled in closer to me. The hallucination or dream vision or whatever it was, it even smelled like her. Like a warm field of lavender. Like a summer day. I really must have been out of it. “In all my years, I’ve known thousands of ponies well enough to call them my friend, and none has ever replaced another. Love isn’t something so limited.” “Love? You never loved me.” The sniffles came again. I could barely talk. It was a good thing I was alone, because otherwise I’d have really looked like a mess, crying and sniffling and talking to myself like a crazy pony. “I thought you did, but you just never trusted me at all. I knew you almost my whole life and you never treated me like more than a pet!” “That’s not true.” Celestia almost sounded hurt when she said it. “Yes it is! Sure, you took me in and took care of me and occasionally dragged me to some social occasion or another, but that’s what you do with a pet. That’s not how you treat another pony. I mean, look at what we got into a fight over! A stupid magic mirror!” I uncurled, rubbing at my eyes and refusing to look at the illusion. “You dangled it in front of me, then refused to talk about it no matter how much I begged!” “You weren’t ready to know about it,” Celestia sighed. “Then why did you show it to me?!” I snapped. “You knew I was going to ask questions! You knew refusing to tell me was only going to make me find the answers on my own! What in Tartarus was so difficult about saying ‘It’s an intermittent gateway to another, alien world, and in its inactive state it has a minor illusion that shows the pony their greatest desire?’” “I…” Celestia sighed. “I made a mistake showing you. I thought you would see a family, or friends, and I could use that to help guide you. But you only saw the product of your ambition. Boundless power, both magical and political.” “And you wouldn’t even talk to me about it,” I whispered. My voice was getting hoarse. “I just wanted to be like you. I did learn a lesson from it. I learned that you kept secrets from me, I learned that you didn’t respect me, and that no matter what, I’d never be good enough to be your daughter like Cadance was.” “Sunset…” “You'd give everything to somepony who showed up out of nowhere with wings and a horn, but one moment of defiance and I was on the street and told never to return! That’s how important I was to you. So important that I could be discarded in a heartbeat.” I curled up on myself again, trying to pull my body into a ball and get away from the hallucination. “That’s why I wanted to be an alicorn. So you’d love me like you loved her.” “I didn’t throw you away,” Celestia whispered. “I thought you needed to understand how serious I was. I’d let you get away with so much… do you know how many reports I’d gotten from teachers at the school for gifted unicorns about the way you treated the other students?” I was silent at that. I had no idea. I’d mostly ignored the other students when I wasn’t busy boasting or telling them to leave me alone. “I thought you would mature and you’d start treating them with the respect they deserved. But no matter how much I taught you, you refused to change. And then you even lost your respect for me. You went against my orders, you argued with me, and then you made demands for things you hadn’t earned.” “I know,” I whispered, through the tears. “I was going to let you think about what you’d done for a few days, and then allow you to return, with certain restrictions. It was supposed to be a lesson in humility, and how important it was to have friends to turn to. But instead…” “Instead Twilight happened, and you forgot about me,” I mumbled. “No!” Celestia gasped. “No, Sunset. I didn’t stop looking for you for almost a year. And I only stopped then because I knew you didn’t want to be found. When the guards told me how you fell into that canyon…” She trailed off into silence. Then I heard her sniffle above me, and hooves wrapped around me, pulling me to her chest. “I never thought I would see you again. You can’t imagine what that’s like.” Tears fell into my head. This had to be a dream. The real Celestia would never have lost her composure like this, and she definitely didn’t care about me this much. “You were like my own foal. I was so proud of how much you’d learned, and so scared about what kind of pony you’d become. I never stopped loving you, Sunset, and I always wanted what was best for you. Why did you do it, Sunset? Why did you have to run like that?” “I just… I didn’t have anything left,” I whispered. “I couldn’t bear to be around you when it hurt so badly to think about you. And then all those guards were following me, and I had to get away and I just… I panicked. I had to get away. I messed everything up so badly that I’d do anything except face you again.” “You could come back with me, Sunset. You could come back right now, and study with your friend, and everything will be just the way it used to be.” I shook my head, sniffling and trying not to make a mess as I nuzzled into Celestia’s chest. “No. I can’t go back. Even if I did go back, it couldn’t ever be the same again. I’m an awful pony. I abuse my power and scare other ponies and… and…” I sobbed. “Even Twilight was scared of me.” “You’re not a bad pony, Sunset,” Celestia said. “And you know why? Because other ponies matter to you. You care about what Twilight thinks of you. A few years ago you wouldn’t even understand why abusing your power would be bad. You’ve changed.” “No I haven’t,” I whispered. “I’m a monster.” “You’re not a monster, Sunset. You’re just sick, and scared, and going through a lot of changes. I won’t make you come back with me, but the castle doors will always be open to you.” Celestia rested her face against my head. It all felt so real. “You need to sleep so you can get better, Sunset. Do you remember what I used to sing to you to help you rest?” You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away I relaxed, feeling everything drift away from me. The tension and anxiety disappeared, and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I groaned as sunlight fell across my face, and opened my eyes half-expecting Celestia to be there. Instead, I found myself wrapped around a rolled-up blanket and hugging it tightly, another covering me the way I’d imagined Celestia’s wing had been. Everything was clammy and damp with sweat and tears. I rubbed my eyes, sniffling a little and just laying there for a while, gripped with a deep bittersweet melancholy. I knew it hadn’t really been her, but part of me wanted to think she still loved me. Or at least that she ever had loved me. But it hadn’t been her. It had just been a fever dream, or maybe another visit from this spirit guide Zecora had been trying to help me find. Was this the wisdom it was trying to give me? Showing up as a demon with my face to show me just what I looked like to other ponies, then as Celestia to remind me of what I’d lost? I didn’t have answers. All I had were my mistakes, and I was going to have to start learning from them.