We step through the small service corridor behind the kitchen, and find ourselves outside, in an enclosed garden, with all sorts of climbing roses, ivy, some statuary, and some other climbing plants as well. It looks pretty well-tended, and the moon shines down from above to keep it rather well-lit. The orange harvest moon gives it a bit of a baleful glow, however.
“Well, this is a way out I guess, but I’m still not gonna leave without Geodude. Hey Twi, don’t you have some kind of tracking spell?”
“Yes, but I didn’t anchor it to him previously. I’d have to ‘tag’ him at least once to find him again.”
I sigh. “Oh well, guess we keep looking then. But at least this way we don’t have to head to the foyer to leave this place, so that’s good.”
“Wait, what if the garden is fenced in, or bounded by a wall? I can’t really see much beyond some of these hedges.”
“Well, we can always bust down a wall or bend some bars over. Pignite is still healthy, right?”
“Yes, but won’t that take time?”
“I suppose, but if we need an emergency exit do you have a better plan than just taking a wall out?”
“How about taking it out in advance?” she gestures out towards the rest of the garden. “All we’d need to do is find it on our way out.”
“How would we know that particular wall is the one needed to be taken down? Need I remind you that the place is old and creaking? If we take out a wall, we risk the upper floor collapsing on us.”
“Anthony, garden walls don’t support a house.” Twilight admonishes me.
“I’m just saying, some plans don’t work when set up in advance as it just limits your options as you’ve ruled out adaptability and stuck yourself to that plan. Anyway, I’m gonna go get Geodude. Now that I have a Ghost type of my own, I stand a fighting chance.”
“Fine. But we still should plan, because we don’t know where he is, nor how to deal with those armor suits, or even the thing in that sitting room.”
“Well, Haunter are Ghost/Poison and they have Levitate. So we rule out Normal, Fighting, Grass, and Ground moves. Anything else will work just fine.”
“Alright. Judging by the rooms we’ve already been in, actually, there’s very few places he could’ve been taken if he’s not upstairs. The only problem is... we haven’t check the basement yet.”
“Well... I guess we should check it then, but let’s check it last. Hopefully you understand my reasoning.”
“I would agree with Anthony. Besides, if the upstairs is so dusty and old, the basement must be in shambles.” Rarity agrees, but for her own reason.
“Well, then, we should check the sitting room, and if he’s not there, head to the basement. There’s no other rooms that would be able to contain him for any length of time, so...”
“Yeah alright. Now let’s go. We don’t want him thinking we’re abandoning him.”
The three of us head off down the halls, my new Litwick keeping the way lit for me, and the girls keeping their horns lit for them. We sneak up the stairs as best we can and... all the suits are gone. Every single alcove that held a suit of armor is now empty, two boot-shaped clear spots on each pedestal.
“So they’re either gone completely, or are searching for us.” I deduce, fear flaring back up again. “Let’s make this quick.”
We make it to the end of the hall without a single incident, and peek into the sitting room. A fire blazes in the fireplace, but the room is otherwise entirely unoccupied. I’d rather not risk whatever is lurking in there.
We head back the way we came, and find ourselves at the staircase heading down, the bottom of which we cannot see through the darkness. “Well I’m not going. Ladies first.”
Twilight and Rarity roll their eyes, and go down together. Ha! Now they’ll set off the traps, and... and I’m the last in line. “Wait for me!”
We get down to the basement and see that it’s basically as stereotypically a ‘dungeon’ as can be. The main room we’ve entered has two doorways, each shut with an iron-barred wood door, likely too sturdy to knock down easily if they’re locked.
“So... left or right?”
“I think... left this time?” Twilight suggests.
Eh, not like what’s in there could be worse than that vampire-thing. I try the latch slowly. It moves soundlessly, and without resistance. I then move to the side, and, lifting the latch, push the door open with my foot, most of my body behind the wall. When nothing comes out, I risk a peek into the room, Litwick on my shoulder giving me a small pool of light.
The room is large and rectangular, with a few collapsed skeletons here and there. A few stone sarcophagi are in the room, but they appear undisturbed. As I look, a floating ball of light, two barely-visible eyes blinking slightly, levitates its way across the room. It’s not heading in any particular direction, and phases through a different wall after a moment.
So, Haunter and now Gastly. Okay, that and the portrait of the Clefable would be conclusive evidence of a Gengar living here. This is going to suck!
Another of the glowing motes phases into the room, this one of a slightly different color. It stops in the room for a moment, before phasing into one of the sarcophagi. It phases back into the room after a moment. It stops to look at me, and I see it’s not... quite a Gastly. In fact, it looks more like a will-o-the-wisp than the cloud of noxious fumes that makes up a Gastly.
I hold up my éTech towards it, putting it on silent so I just read the entry, but before I can scan it, it disappears through a wall and the screen flashes saying ‘No Pokémon detected’. Sighing, I conclude that Geodude is not here, so I close the door and turn to the one opposite.
“No luck, we try the right.” I turn towards the girls and hear a ‘clack’ from behind me. I go to shut the door, but it’s stopped by something. I look down, and see a grinning, not-quite human skull grinning up at me. It’s attached to the rest of what is basically a cartoony rendition of a skeleton, which slowly stands up, picking its own head up and letting loose a cackle.
I kick it in the left femur and slam the door shut, dash about halfway back to the stairway and check my leg twenty times to make sure it’s not... something.
But, I’m fine. I finally start breathing again, letting my lungs resume their operation. Hopefully, it can’t figure out the latch on the door.
Or, you know, move around without a rather important leg bone. Aw who am I kidding, if that’s like the cartoon skellies, it can follow me around as just a hopping head and try to bite my kneecaps.
Rarity and Twilight are at the other door, looking worriedly at me. “Anthony, are you alright? Was it another of the suits?”
“You didn’t see that?” Then I recall that my body was probably in the way of their view. “Well, it was a skeleton. Like the ones in the armor supposedly, but it wasn’t wearing any. Just a skeleton, looking like it was either going to strangle me, or start singing ‘Dem Bones’.”
The two ponies look at me like I’ve grown a second head.
“It could’ve happened!” I say in my defense. “Now it’s clearly not coming through the door, so we just keep looking for Geodude.”
They nod, and get back to slowly opening the door. It opens with a slight creak, and the two unicorns extinguish their light. I realize I’ve got the only source of light down here at the moment, and it only works for me.
That said, a light that only I can see is pretty awesome. I’ve always liked Ghost types and Fire types. Litwick was like a godsend when I first discovered it in Black... now I have one! In real life! If the circumstances where better, I’d feel like squeeing!
I step carefully up to the door, and see that it’s a room with a green fire crackling beneath a large cauldron, and a faint chanting can be heard. Taking the most cautious of peeks, I see a glimpse of a Misdreavus and a Mismagius chanting gleefully at the cauldron, little poofs of smoke or fumes climbing from the surface of the... whatever-that-is every few moments.
I back away and close the door as quietly as I can before they notice me. As the door is barely three inches from being closed, a loud, raucous squealing noise issues forth from the hinges.
Both of the ghost pokémon inside the room turn straight towards me. They look more confused than anything.
I smile ingratiatingly. “Uh, sorry, wrong room.” I quickly close the door, my grin becoming a wince as it squeaks more.
“So, uh... what was in there, darling?” Rarity asks, and I can see a faint glow from the sheath of her sword. She must be on edge if she’s getting ready to draw it.
“Nothing we’d want to bother or try fighting. Just hope they were busy and let’s move on.”
We turn back and look around the room. Where else could Geodude have gone? there’s no rooms left that I can think of...
Walking to the blank wall, I lean against it to rest for a second.
Then, I fall through it, because somebody concealed a doorway behind a painted cloth.
Looking up, I see a bunch of the skeletons sitting around at various tables, the vampire-pokémon, dozens of the wisp-looking pokémon, a few Gastly, a Haunter, and a very surprised bartender in the back.
My head is so full of ‘wat.’ I can’t even... wat?
Suddenly, one of the skeletons starts cackling. Then another. The Haunter cracks a grin and starts chortling as well, and soon the entire room is laughing at me, on my back, in the doorway. And judging by the way that keystone of the doorway arch is seeping a glowing gas, I’m assuming that’s a Spiritomb. Which is also laughing.
Did I... do something funny? Are they laughing at my impending doom? Are they having a giggle at my imminent demise?
One of the skeletons advances on me, and I’m about to surrender any chances I had of living -for the fourth time tonight, admittedly- when the skeleton simply offers its hand to help me up. Is it a trick?
Oh fuck it, just let the nightmare end already. I grab his hand and he pulls me up. I await the sensation of slicing, stabbing, biting, burning or... something. Cautiously I open my eyes and the entire room looks on the verge of another laughing fit.
“Hey, man, you know this is a haunted house, right?” The bartender in the back calls out to me. I get a better look and realize he’s fully human, just kinda in the shadows of the bar itself.
“Well yeah! I mean, wait, you mean like those kiddy things at bad amusement parks? This... this is all fake?” I stutter a bit, having a hard time wrapping my head around all of these events.
“Yeah, dude, it’s a haunted house run by real ghosts. It’s open all year-round. You should meet the proprietors, and the owners of the estate. They live on the third floor.”
I’m still racking my brain trying to understand this. “So... you just... wait for people to come by, scare the shit out of them, steal their pokémon and laugh at their misery?”
“Woah, woah, woah! There’s been no theft. You left your pokémon in the sitting room, so Haunter here brought him to the bosses. And yeah, the pokémon scare the shit out of people, then give them the pictures afterwards. Me? I tend the bar, get paid, and spend some time in one of the two major towns nearby.”
“Soooooo you’re... not dead.” I clarify for myself.
“No. I just work here. By the way, your other two pokémon are still outside, I think they’re getting worried.”
I sigh. “They’re not pokémon really. Just a sec.” I head back to the hallway and find the girls looking around in worry. “Alright, the game is up. We all just got punked. Apparently this is some sort of attraction for travellers...”
“Wait... so the ghosts here aren’t real?” Twilight asks in confusion.
“As real as Ghost Pokémon can be, they just put on this show. Come on.” I lead the two of them to the bar and have the guy explain it again.
“So... all of these are pokémon? Even the skeletons?”
“Eeyup. They’re called Ectoklack, and they’re the growing version of these guys.” He gestures to one of the little wisp-looking pokémon, who bobs in place and makes a faint, whispery noise. It’s kinda creepy, but also kinda cute since I know what it’s coming from.
“Alright, well this has been a hoot and a holler. Among other vocalizations, but I’d like to get Geodude back and leave now, thanks.” I pause for a minute, recalling the Litwick on my shoulder. “Oh. I guess this guy is one of your ‘employees’ huh?”
“Huh? Nonono, I’m just a bartender! All the pokémon live here freely, and they work for the boss. You ran into Vlad earlier, the boss’s office is up the stairs behind the door across from Vlad’s room.” The bartender gestures towards the vampire-looking pokémon, who has his fangs buried in a grapefruit the size of his head.
I feel like such a fucking tool right now. “Yeah, thanks. Come on, let’s go.”
The three of us leave the little hidden barroom, and head up the stairs. As we’re going, the Spiritomb forms a hand-shape and waves goodbye to us.
Eventually, we get to the door the stairs are behind, and open it. The stairs are pretty normal, and lead to another door, labeled ‘Manager’s Office. Please knock.’
I give it a knock and I’m answered with the door opening itself. I step in, all the creepy stuff suddenly being revealed as a joke makes it just seem like one of those carnival fun houses I mentioned earlier.
Looking around, though, there’s none of that here. It’s a pretty normal office space, except that there’s two chairs behind a desk, obviously made for fairly wide occupants... who are in them. A Gengar with blue-green eyes and a Clefable with a small pair of glasses sit behind the desk. The Gengar is grinning, but the Clefable has a smaller, more petite smile. It’s a much nicer smile. Sitting on a couch to one side is Geodude, holding up a magazine, evidently reading. Huh.
“Ghost Pokémon in charge of a Ghost House. Shocker, that.” I say drily. “Oh well, sorry for leaving you back there, Geodude. Forgiven?”
Geodude looks at me sternly, then shrugs and says ‘Eh’, or close to it. He hops over, and I recall him to my premierball. The Gengar behind the desk clears its throat, and then says, in a masculine, but slightly creepy voice, “So... didn’t scare you too bad, did we?”
“Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh kinda.”
“Heh, sorry. Still, th’ looks on yer faces...” He starts chuckling to himself. “Man, you’re gonna love gettin’ these pictures. They’re a riot!”
“Alright. Sorry, I know I’m being kind of a party pooper, but I don’t like being sent through multiple consecutive possibilities of death and then told it was all a gag.”
“Hey, we’re not the ones who kept freakin’ out over th’ plates.” the Gengar says back, grinning wider.
“Those could have been booby-trapped! How do I know what ghosts will and won’t mess with?”
“Phoo... that sounds typist. Whatcha think, honey, sound typist to you?” The gengar asks of the Clefable, who rolls her eyes. She starts going over some papers on the desk, evidently not wanting to deal with the gengar right now. “Hmph... wives, can’t live with ‘em, can’t bury in the garden. Too many folks already. Anyhow, you lookin’ for the next town?”
“Not really. We just came to the forest to catch some Grass types and just kinda found the house after these creepy witch-things started messing with our heads... did you-”
I’m interrupted by the Gengar phasing through his chair and desk as he laughs as hard as his theoretical lungs can probably handle. He rolls and laughs and flops on the floor, completely ignoring the leg of the desk going through his head as he does so.
“Messin’ wit yer.... ahahahaha!”
The Clefable rolls her eyes again, before speaking up. “No, the coven is not apart of our little colony here. They have their own business, dearies, and I doubt it was ‘messing with your heads’. They were likely using a Blessing on you.”
“Blessing? You know what, forget it. We might as well take those pics and be on our way. We kinda just wasted our time with all this, all things considered.” I pause. “No offense.”
Clefable, which seems to be the Gengar’s brain personified, responds. “It’s alright. Very few ghost-types are actually malevolent, but few humans understand that. We can offer you a room for the night, if you’d like. There’s plenty of perfectly normal rooms for sharing or singles, since it’s the middle of the night. I know it’s hard for your kind to see in the dark and all.”
We’re in the large, three-person room, flipping through the pictures that were taken of us. It’s notable that most of them were of me and I looked like a twitchy wreck in most of them... Goddamnit.
“And this one is just awful!” Rarity says, holding up a picture of her looking... mildly startled. “My hair is just completely ruined in this, and they missed my good side!”
I stare at the white unicorn. “It looks exactly like you, no different. Even your hair is the same.”
“Hmph, well perhaps if you are blind on the truly important details you would think that!”
“Whatever. Hey, shouldn’t you give back that sword now?”
“Hmm? Oh, I suppose so. It was such an awfully useful sword, though,and it’s beautifully worked. I’m not sure what invention your people have made that lets it put the sheath on me without assistance, but it is marvelous!” She goes to begin taking off the sword, but turns in circles, looking increasingly perplexed.
I recognize the sheath design. “Hah! That’s not just a sword, that’s a Honedge. It’s a pokémon!”
“A what?” She asks, as the sword-form pokémon slips from its sheath, eye opening slightly, and its long, scarf-like tassel draping gently onto Rarity’s head.
“Hey it likes you! Makes sense. Honedge don’t like their handles being grabbed, and by all accounts, you can’t do that.” An armless trainer would be the best for it... The Honedge pats Rarity gently, realigning a stray hair along the way.
“Oh my! Well, that’s simply glorious! Hmm... That sounds like a fantastic name! Glorious!”
“Well if it wants to stay... then I guess that just leaves Twi without a Ghost pokémon. Maybe this little excursion wasn’t for nothing after all. And we have souvenirs.” I pick up one that shows Twilight totally flipping out and accidentally banging her head on a wall. “I think Celestia’d get a kick out of this one.”
Rarity titters a bit as Glorious resheathes itself.
Twilight holds up a picture of me and retorts. “And I’m sure she’d love this one.” I have a face on that looks like I’m about to wet myself the second I open a door.
I swipe the photo and use Litwick’s flame to incinerate it. “Which one?”
“Ha! Joke’s on you, I asked for copies!” She quickly runs out of the room, grinning, slamming the door shut in the process.
I chuckle. I relish the times when she actually acts like an adult teenager. She spends so much time being all studious that I actually like to see her when she wins... just not against me.
“Get back here!”