//------------------------------// // Day 2: Getting used to Windows and Apples // Story: The Problem With Magic // by deathtap //------------------------------// I was sitting on a beach, laying in the sun, drinking up the sun’s beautiful rays. It was perfect. The weather was perfect, the drink in my hand was perfect. Everything was… “Forest…” I heard a voice coming from somewhere. Ignoring the voice, I continued relaxing in the heat. The sound of the waves lapping the shore lulled me into a state of 'I-don't-give-a-shit'. This was literally the best thing ever. "Forest..." Again that voice. This time I managed to lean up off the towel I was laying on slightly and lowered my sunglasses to see who was speak. I could not see anyone. Where it was coming from? There was nobody on the beach; there was nobody in the water. Was it just me? Was I going insane? The vast stretch of beautiful crystal blue water spanned to the horizon. To me left and right the empty beach stretched as far as my eyes could see. Usually I’d get bored out of my skull, but not now. Not today. Today, I was going to savour this moment. How I got here or when did not matter. All that mattered was that I was having the best time doing absolutely nothing at all… “Forest…” Who was saying that? Why was it saying that? Yes, there was a forest behind me, but I was not interested in that. It was this beach. That was what I… “Forest! Wake up!” My eyes opened suddenly, "Wha…? Huh?" I lifted my head from the pillow and looked around. I started to panic. I did not recognize anything, or where I was, but it only lasted for a moment. The next second all the memories from the past two days rushed back to me; getting fired, giving to charity - illegally, running away like a bitch from the city, getting caught up with some magical shape-shifting horse, teleported to another world of fictional creatures that apparently weren’t fictional, getting lost in a forest, getting chased by a creature from hell. Make is stop! I wanted to scream in my head. I wanted to scream. And I was having such a wonderful dream too... Where was that voice coming from? "Forest, open this laptop this instant!" The voice repeated itself. No wonder it sounded so far and distant in my dream. I had slammed the laptop shut the night before. At first I contemplated ignoring it and going about my business, but then I remembered that the Changeling could see me even if the laptop was not open. She would not be very happy if I ignored her. The laptop was the only way I could communicate with her. She could see me anytime she wanted. Would it be awkward to take a shower? Was she a stalker? Hauling my tired ass out of bed, I walked over to the machine. In my semi-awake state, I used the edge of my hoof to open the laptop, as if I had fingers. I cursed myself, was I really getting used to using hooves already? Pushing the monitor back I saw Tutela's face glaring at me. “What is it?” I asked. “Well, good morning to you too. It seems that transporting you to that world took a lot out of you. You literally crashed last night. Anyway, look at the time. You’re going to be late on your first day at work,” The Changeling pointed to the lower-left hand corner of the screen with her hoof, "You better hurry." My eyes drifted downwards, “Seriously? I didn’t know that Windows came with Pony Standard Time,” The joked sounded better in my head. "Very funny," The Changeling replied sardonically. "Give me a break! I'm still half asleep! Wait. Wait, wait, wait. The time system in this world flows the same as mine?" I slapped my head, forgetting for a moment that I no longer had palms - which hurt a little more than I thought, "Of course it does." “No. The time between the worlds is controlled by me, remember? Time has no meaning here. A days has past there, only ten minutes have passed here. I can’t stop it completely, but by the time you’re month is up in Equestria, you would’ve only be gone for several hours.” My mind tried to wrap itself around the concept. A part of me understood what she meant, the rest told me to just get on with what I needed to do to earn back my freedom, “Well, why Windows?” I asked. “I thought you liked Windows. If you want, we can use Apple instead, considering that you’re going to work at an apple farm today, it makes perfect sense!” Tutela offered laughing. As she said it, the screen changed to one the represented the other operating system. "You're pretty techy, aren't you?" "Computers fascinate me. The Internet in particular. Did you know that there's a large group of adult fans that are into the..." "I would love to discuss the Internet with you and about whatever interesting things you were about to say, but right now I'd just like to wake up, and by waking up I mean left alone." She stared at me for a moment then backed away from the monitor, "Suit yourself." I just walked to the bathroom and did what needed to be done. By the time I was done finishing my bathroom duties it was half past the hour. Not wanting to lose my job, not because I wanted to work but because I had no idea how hard it would be to get another one, I hurried up. Could not afford to be late – literally! So I picked up and the laptop and shoved it back into the safe, lowering the screen as I did. “Have fun at work. I’ll be watching you,” She sang out as I closed the safe, arming it angrily. Bitch! I muttered to myself. It's a well-known fact that I am not a morning person. In fact, I hated the mornings. Mornings were made for sleeping, and waking up any time before noon for me was an effort and usually included a very, grumpy, bitchy me. Come to think of it, it's probably one of the reasons I got fired in the first place, “Damn you hindsight!" I said aloud to myself. My room was on the first floor, near the front of the house. From my window you could make out the cake shop across the road shaped like a cake. As I walked down the stairs, the receptionist was there wide awake and staring at me. "Uh... mornin'." I said, trying to sound friendly. "There's coffee and breakfast in the restaurant," She replied in that ear-grating nasal sound she made. I would rather hear Freddy Krugar run his iron claws over a blackboard than that voice, but I sucked it up. Had to be nice. "Coffee, eh?" And indeed there was coffee, doughnuts, and all sorts of wonderfully delicious pastries. Freshly baked and perhaps the most beautiful tasting morsels I have ever eaten. There was literally nothing on my world better, and it made the burden of waking up that much better. The coffee was also scrumptious, the fragrance had a warm nutty smell, but there was definitely something sweet in there too, perhaps vanilla or hazelnut. It then occurred to me that everything I've eaten has had sugar in it. As I thought that, for some reason I could not help but remember a certain pink pony. She did throw a do for me last night. It never really occurred to me how she managed to pull that off in such short notice. It did not seem as though her friends helped her - but then again, from what everyone was saying, she was friends with everyone - perhaps some else gave her a hand. I took another generous sip of coffee and got ready to go. As I passed by reception once more, I noticed the receptionist staring at me. "Going somewhere?" She asked. I cursed myself. Why did I make eye contact? "Well, yes. I got a job at Sweet Apple Acres." Looking at me for a moment, she nodded before changing the subject completely, "Did you enjoy your party last night?" "Sure. Yeah, it was alright. I came home early, though." "I saw you did. Apparently the mayor isn't happy with Pinkie for throwing you a party at the Town Hall without telling her first. She's a real trouble maker, she is." "She means no harm..." Wait. Did I just... did I just defend that Pink psycho? Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed? "No-pony means any harm, but that doesn't mean it’s right." "You have a point, and I am inclined to agree with you. But I'm sure that it will be fine..." "That's the thing, though. She always gets her way. She always never wrong. She always is everypony's friend!" Whoah! Where the fuck did that come from? As she spoke her voice got higher, harsher and... well... scarier. She was friggin' nuts! She must have seen my face because a second later, she coughed to herself and was back to her cold ice-queen demeanor. Automatically I understood; this bitch was jealous of Pinkie! And what was up with the feeble attempt to hide it? Whatever, none of my business. "I'll... see you later," And backed out the door. It was good to get out of there. Standing outside I shuddered against the cool morning air - or was it from that scary bitch? Whatever. Heading down the way that Applejack had instructed me to yesterday, I soon made my way out of Ponyville. There was noway to tell the time exactly, but it was not hard to find Sweet Apple Acres - considering that all I needed to do was follow the rows of apple trees to the big barn on the next hill. There was a small house next to that, and lights on the lower floors were on. As I arrived, I saw Applejack with a scarf around her neck. Her big brother, Big Mac - yeah, I'm going with that - was there lifting some empty round wooden crates or baskets and placing them on a cart. "Mornin', Forest. Sleep well?" Applejack asked as I walked up. "As well as one can expect," I replied, and grinned. "Did you have breakfast?" "Yep. Had some at the hotel. They had some wonderful pastries - best I've ever tasted." "That make sense. You're right next to Sugarcube Corner." "You mean the building that looks like a cake?" I asked. Applejack nodded, "Best deserts in Equestria." Ponyville's got a lot of 'bests of Equestria'. Why is it such a small town then? The rent too high? I thought to myself. I smirked at me own joke. "What's the matter?" Applejack asked, bringing my attention back to her, "What's so funny?" "Oh, nothing," I quickly changed the subject, "So, what do you need me to do?" "Well, we're apple buckin', so we've got to buck some apple trees," There must have been a strange, rather confused look on my face because she just sighed and shook her head, "Don't worry, Forest. I said that I'd show you how. You ready, Big Mac?" Hey! She stole my nickname! "Eeyup," He replied. We all walked down to a large grove of trees. I had no idea what to expect, and Big Mac was pulling the cart along. When we got towards the middle a bit, both the Ponies stopped and stared off in the distance. Wondering what they were looking at, I stood beside them and looked at well. Suddenly the sun rose, its light seemed to explode across the land. Everything seemed to suddenly wake up with it. The lands, the creatures, even the skies themselves. It was not so much the sun rising that surprised me, but how it rose. The sun got up there pretty quick. "Hey, Forest, have you ever seen Celestia's Sun Ceremony?" Applejack asked me after a moment. My silence spoke for itself. "Perhaps one day you can get to see it. Or remember it. Everypony has to at least see it once." Now I had something else I had to look up. Had to research it, I can't keep asking questions. If that damned Brian gets anymore hints of me being clueless about this world again he might pursue his crazy theory that I am a human. Can't have that! "I hope I get the chance... again... maybe..." I said stupidly. "Watch me, Forest. This is how you buck for apples," Applejack lay two of the baskets from the cart on either side of an apple tree, then turned around so her rear faced the tree's trunk. Then she used her hind legs to kick at the same time. The apples all fell into the two baskets, "See? Easy as pie. Any questions?" "Yes. How do you get the apples to fall into the baskets like that?" "What?" "You kicked the tree, right? The apples, they all fell right into the baskets. How did you do that?" I wasn't being a jackass, I really wanted to know. "Well, now that you mention it, I don't rightly know. Hm. Funny that." Applejack kicked the tree, and again the apples fell into the baskets. Great! Laws of physics be damned! Taking a pair of baskets, I placed them under the next tree and kicked it as hard as I could. I turned to see the apples drop everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. A few did land in the basket, but a whole bunch just landed up on the ground. Both Big Mac and Applejack just stared at the mess without saying a word. "Strange. Did I do something wrong?" I asked. Both shook their heads. Big Mac came to the tree and kicked it. The remaining apples dumped themselves into the basket without issue. "Maybe your trees don't like me?" I jokingly offered. Applejack shook her head, "Gee, Forest, I don't rightly know what's goin' on. Maybe we'll do the buckin', and you can get the baskets from the cart." The rest of the morning was spent me walking to and from the cart, dumping the contents of the baskets into the larger cart, and bringing the empty baskets back to be refilled. It was a monotonous, boring, brain-numbing job. I absolutely despised it, but yet there was something great about working outdoors. Being able to harvest the fruit under the sun. Fun times. As a computer professional, I rarely got to do something like this. It was a nice change. "Hiya, Sis!" Came a voice, and a smaller Pony came bringing a tray of cider-like liquid on her back, "You guys thirsty?" "Eeyup," Big Mac replied, and walked over to the newcomer and took one of the glasses from her back. "Here, Forest, this is my little sister Applebloom. Applebloom, this here is Forest. He's new to town." I nodded politely. "Sweetie Belle was talking about you yesterday. We have something in common," She turned to her side, and smiled. At first I didn't know what she was talking about, but then I realized that she meant that she too had no mark on her posterior. "Yes, I'm a - what do you call it again?" "A Blank Flank," Applebloom muttered. "Right. A Blank Flank." I looked at her face. It seemed that she was rather sad about the fact, "What's wrong?" "Aw, nothin'. Just everyone else has their Cutie Mark, just not me." I looked at Applejack, "Is having one that important?" "I thought it was rare for a Pony her age not to have one, but now that I've met you, I guess there are others out there that don't have one. I guess it takes time to find somethin' you're good at." "If your talent is an especially difficult or rare one, I suppose that would make sense." I replied, thinking about it as logically as I could. That seemed to put a smile on Applebloom's face. I may be a cold hearted, uncaring, rude son-of-a-bitch, but the smile that Applebloom gave me was... well, I could not help but give her a genuine smile in return. "Nice to see you're finally happy, Forest. Those fake smiles you kept giving us was startin' to make us feel uncomfortable." "That obvious, huh? I guess I was still getting used to things," Like being here, in a world of talking Ponies. "Would you like a glass of apple juice, Forest?" Applebloom grinned up at me again. Her smile was addictive. This little Pony was dangerous! That's the problem with women, and girls in general. Before you knew it, they'd get under your skin and you do stupid things like care about them. "Sure." I took the glass with my hoof - and yes, I could hold it - and drank a sip. Delicious! Why was everything in this place so damned scrumptious! I downed the glass harder than an alcoholic before final call at a bar, "This apple juice is amazing!" "Yep, Granny Smith makes 'em just the perfect way, with the exact amount of sugar and spice to make everythin' nice." Applejack laughed. Granny Smith? Seriously? Just because you own apples, grow apples, and are good at making shit with apples doesn't mean you have to name yourselves after the fruit! "She certainly has a way with apples." Applejack took it as a compliment. We got back to work, and Applebloom returned to the house. Now, I go to the gym, and I work out pretty regularly, but the stamina of those two apple Ponies was incredible! Applejack was like a machine, buckin' and thumpin' the apple trees, while Big Mac just hauled the carts to and from the main barn without a hint of slowing down. "Applejack, can I ask you a question?" I said when we were taking a breather. "Sure, Forest. What you want to ask?" "Instead of putting the baskets under each tree, buckin' it, waiting for the baskets to fill, then carry them back to the cart, why don't we," I paused for dramatic effect, "Just put the cart under the tree and then buck the apples so they fall directly into the cart?" Applejack looked at her brother, who looked at her, then they both looked at me. I could almost hear the lightbulbs going off at the same time. "That's great, Forest! I wonder why I never thought of that." I couldn't tell if she was being honest or sarcastic. Apparently they were being genuine. Big Mac backed the cart under the tree, and then Applejack bucked it. Half the apples fell into the cart, but the other half ended up on the ground. "Aw, shucks, Forest. I sounded like a good idea, but we can't waste time pickin' these apples from the ground. It would take twice as long to complete the job..." "If you give me half an hour, some long planks of wood, some tools, and two old bedsheets, I can fix that for you." "Well, we are about to break for lunch. Usually we take an hour or two to relax depending on how fast we've harvested the apples, and we're behind. But considerin' you're tryin' to help out an' all, I'll give you get one hour, okay?" Sacrifice my lunch hour to do them a favor? No way! Sacrifice my lunch hour to speed up efficiency? Fuck yeah! As soon as they handed me the things I needed, I took the tools and began to work. Essentially what I did was create two trampolines with the planks of wood and the bedsheets in the middle. Then, using a couple more planks, I angled the trampolines to face the cart, cleverly using a wooden peg for the trampolines to swivel on the back and front corner of the cart - all with no fingers. The only problem was that it would only work on the left side of the cart, not the right. Well, nothing can be perfect. All through this, Applebloom helped me, while Applejack and Big Mac kept a worried eye over my renovation. After I was done, I still had twenty minutes to spare, and was fed a bunch of apple-based foodstuffs. I think there was apple pie, crumble, cake, and strudel. For some reason, although it was all desert, I didn't mind. "Okay, Forest, let's go test this out." Applejack said and we walked to the nearest tree. Quickly, I pushed the two trampolines out, they leaned against the trunk of the tree, and I bucked the tree. The apples - or the vast majority of them, landed on the bedsheets, and then rolled down into the cart. In two hits, the tree was done and we were on our way to the next one. Suffice to say, we not only harvested the crop quota of the day, but almost half of that total on top of that. We were done far sooner than expected. A five hour work-shift only took us three hours. "Thanks, Forest. That was really clever of you. You're pretty handy guy. You want to do another job?" Applejack asked. With absolutely nothing to do, and not really feeling like going back to my room and seeing that bitch of a receptionist, I said, "Sure, why not." "Cleanin' windows," Applejack said, wiping a large glass window, "Can you do the ones up there?" Looking up, I wanted to groan. But I said I would, so I did. As I was cleaning the window, Applebloom opened the one next to me and poked her head out, "Hey Forest, you want to try and find our Cutie Marks together later?" I looked at her, "I don't mind, I guess..." "Great!" She slammed the window down before I could tell her that I wasn't so sure that her siblings would approve. Now, you might think that washing windows is an easy task, but let me tell you, for a Pony, that job was a pain in the... flank? Without hands, you can't hold on to anything. And if you use your hoof to wipe the glass, you need something to hold the water. So, how do you do it? Well, you hold the pale of water in your mouth by the handle, then you use your hoof to hold onto the ladder, while the other you use to wipe the window. Now, don't get me wrong, that isn't the worst part of it. The worst part is that you need to keep your neck up while doing this, and believe me when you are holding a bucket of water in your jaw and keep on having to keep your neck up... well, let's just say my neck was killing me. Two hours of cleaning windows later, I got down and from the ladder and took a step back to admire my work. For a small rustic looking house, there were a lot of windows. My jaw ached, my back ached, and my hooves ached, but I strangely felt happy. "Good job, Forest." "Thanks, Applejack." "Here's your pay. I'm fair girl, so I paid for your help in harvesting them apples and your help in cleaning the windows, plus a little extra for the harvester you made for us. It'll come in handy the next time we need to go Applebuckin'." "Wow. Thanks!" I looked inside and took a coin out. A coin! And there was a Unicorn on it and everything. Applejack looked at me studying the coin, "Is that enough?" I looked at her, "What? Huh? Oh, I've just not seen a coin like this before... I mean, I can't remember seeing a coin like this before, so it's new to me. I was curious." Got to be careful! "Yeah, that's Princess Celestia," Applejack said, taking the coin and showing me the face, "And this here is the Ponyville town seal." The other side of the coin had a large number one minted onto it, with something in the background. There were twenty five of them in the bag. Was that a lot? "I'm sorry, but I... don't understand the value of the currency. Can you... explain it to me?" I asked. "I don't rightly know what you mean, but you can rent a house for that amount for a month," Applejack said, laughing, "Of course you won't be able to eat nothin'." "How much is a room a night at the place I'm staying at?" I asked. "I think it's one bit a night. I dunno, I've never stayed there before." "I see..." Maybe renting a house or a room would be a better idea - then I can 'play' around more instead of working. That would help me find the answers I seek quicker! "Do you know of any place I can stay?" Applejack thought about it, "No, I can't think of a place. Can you, Big Macintosh?" "Nope." "What about the Cutie Mark Crusaders' club house?" Applebloom said suddenly. "A clubhouse?" I asked. "Sure. All you need is a place to sleep, right? And me, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle built it up real nice. It's like a home now, 'cept it's got no toilet or shower." The gesture, as great as it was, was pointless. There was no way that... "That's a great idea, Applebloom!" Applejack replied. "What?" I asked, bewildered. "You can use the facilities in the barn - we got showers and everythin' in there. All you need then is a place to sleep, and get you out of that hotel." "I'd... have to think on that. I mean, I'm grateful for the offer," Not in the slightest! "But I'd still have to see. Zecora already told the receptionist I'd be there for a week." "Well, suit yourself. The offer remains open. I'll charge you a bit for every two days, instead of one." Applejack smiled. "Can I let you know later?" I replied, there was no way I was going to sleep in a clubhouse! "Sure. As I said, offer remains open." For one thing, these Ponies were very trusting, and open. They believed in me despite giving them no reason to in return. Sure I work hard, and sure I was able to help them harvest their crops faster, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you invite them to live on your lands - even if you charge them for rent. A part of me warmed up to Applejack. She was kind, that I had to give her. Her brother smiled in the background, a straw of hay dangling from mouth. Walking back towards Ponyville, my muscles screamed in agony. I was sore all over. "Forest! Forest!" A voice suddenly called to me. I did not even need to turn around to see who it was, "Hi, Pinkie." "Ooh, I heard that you were working at Sweet Apple Acres but I was too busy today to come and see you so I worked really, really hard as fast as I could to come visit but I only just finished work and was wondering if you could help me deliver some baking goods to my friends?" "What?" I asked. I seriously had no idea what she said to me. "Can you help me deliver cakes to my friends?" She asked again, grinning. Seriously? I asked myself. My body was already killing me from apple bucking and window washing. My jaw felt as if it would fall out of place. Still, Pinkie was everypony's friend. If I was rude to her, or did not help her, would she tell everyone and get me isolated? Could not afford it. So, sucking up the pain, I nodded, "Sure, Pinkie. I'll help." "Hooray!" Pinkie shouted, leaping up into the air. We walked together to Sugarcube Corner - next to my hotel. So close, yet so far. As I walked inside, the first thing that I noticed were two little children rushing around the floor. One was zipping around the air, and the other was playing with toy blocks in the corner. Using magic, I could tell from the glow around the magical blocks. "Well, hello there. Pinkie has told us so much about you. Forest, is it?" The stallion said, "I'm Carrot Cake, and this is my wife, Cup Cake." "Nice meeting you. Are you the geniuses that created these deserts? I've never, ever eaten anything quite as delicious as these." "Pinkie says you've lost your memories. That's so sad," Mrs. Cake replied sadly, I could see in her eyes that she felt sorry for me. "It's okay. Hopefully I can remember things soon." "But what were you doing in the Everfree Forest? No-pony smart goes in there," Mrs. Cake said, I think she was trying to scold me. Shrugging, I replied, "Can't say I know. In retrospect, it might not have been such a great idea." The Cakes laughed, "Well, I see that Pinkie's rounded you up to help us deliver some cakes." "Happens." I said rolling my eyes. "Pinkie!" A young unicorn squealed when Pinkie appeared. Pinkie rushed over to the child's side and started making faces and having a ball. The flying one landed next to the Unicorn and both just rolled over one another in laughter at Pinkie's antics. "She certainly has a way with kids," I said looking at the three of them. "She's a wonderful foal-sitter. She'd be a great mother one day." At the mention of being a mother, Pinkie turned around and blushed. For the first time since I've known her, she actually acted normal. "Anyway," Mr. Cake cut in, "the boxes for delivery are over here." Turning around I followed Mr. Cake out the back and saw a cart with all sorts of boxes loaded onto it. Unlike the cart from Sweet Apple Acres, this one was about half the length - a 'compact cart'. The boxes loaded onto it were all in bright colors, and I noticed that each box was a single type of color. Well, at least this time I did not have to carry anything. Getting behind the pull-area of the cart, I found that it there was a comfortable belt that I slipped onto my body and pulled. It was definitely easier than carrying things, even with the fancy contraption that Rarity had designed. I walked out to the front of the store and waited for Pinkie to come out. "Okay, first we need to go to Applejack's house," Pinkie frowned, "I'm sorry that you have to go back there, Forest." "No worries, Pinkie," I replied, forcing a smile on my face. In truth I was extremely annoyed, but I could not insult the town's most favorite Pony. On the way, Pinkie was singing to herself. Something about how happy she was, bouncing and dancing around. If she had so much energy, why didn't she pull the damned cart on her own? As we approached the house, where less than an hour ago I had cleaned the windows, Pinkie rang the doorbell. We waited for a few moments before Applebloom answered the door. "Oh, hi Pinkie, Forest," She said, "You change your mind, Forest?" I shook my head, "I didn't say yes or no, Applebloom. I just said I needed time to think about it." "Think about what?" Pinkie asked. "Renting out her old clubhouse instead of staying at the hotel," I replied. "Ooh. That sounds like a good idea." "Hi Pinkie, whatcha doin' back here, Forest?" Applejack said at the door. Behind them I could see Big Mac pottering about, "I see Pinkie's got you helpin' her now. You're a mighty helpful feller." "I try..." Because I have little choice in the matter. "What are you guys doing here?" Applejack asked, her eyes drifting towards the cart of cakes. "I made too much batter today, and had some extra, so I decided to bake cakes for all my very, best friends!" She went round back and took one of the packages, the one colored orange, and gave it to Applejack. "Why, thank you, Pinkie. Your cakes are delicious! I appreciate it." "Okee, see you later, Applejack!" Pinkie then walked over to me, "Now, let's go to Rarity's." "Okay, boss," I said jokingly. Pinkie just grinned at that. Together we walked towards the town again and stopped by Rarity's. She opened the door, and upon seeing me she slapped her head, "Oh forest, I'm so sorry! I forgot to pay you yesterday for dropping off Brian's clothes. I must honor our agreement. How much did we say?" "We didn't. I don't really have a value for money..." "Neither do I!" Pinkie put in. Rarity rolled her eyes at Pinkie, "Does two bits sound fair?" You cheap bitch! "Sure." Rarity gave me two coins, which I slipped into the pouch that Applejack had given me to hold the rest of my loot, "So, what do I owe the honor of such a visit?" Pinkie explained the extra batter story she had given to Applejack before, and handed Rarity a white box with a purple ribbon. I had to hand it to Pinkie, she really put a lot of detail into her friend's cakes. As Rarity opened it, she was elated to find that it was her favorite cake, and icing. She thanked Pinkie, and the both of us turned and headed towards Twilight's library. Spike answered the door. He looked like shit. "What happened to you?" I asked. "Nothing. Hi, Pinkie," He looked at me, "Forest, do you know a lot about girls?" Where did that question come from? "Not really. Even if I did, I wouldn't remember, remember?" There was no use telling him that the few times I've even enjoyed company from the softer sex was during one night in high school filled with drug and alcohol induced regret. I was perhaps the worst person to ever help in any relationship. "Oh." Spike turned and left the door open. Twilight poked her head out moments later, "I don't know what's gotten into Spike, he's been in a real funk today. Oh, hi, Forest." "Hi." "He was just asking Forest about girls," Pinkie put in, smiling widely. "Girls?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "He's a boy. Young. These things happen." I said, trying to act the part, "But I'm not really... helpful when it comes to these kind of things." In reality, I was probably unhelpful in all sorts of social situations. The only way I was able to participate thus far has been because I've managed to preoccupy myself with other things. "So, what are you guys doing here?" Twilight asked. Again the cake and batter story, and Pinkie brought a purple present to Twilight, but at the mention of cake, Spike had already intercepted the package and rushed it indoors. Expecting that, Pinkie had a second one in the same color. Despite her floozy attitude, she planned ahead. I had to give her points for that. Saying our good-byes, I followed Pinkie to the next house. The Dash's. Every step I took towards that house seemed heavy. I did not want to see or meet Brian after the exchange the previous night. He had really struck a nerve in me, and I am perhaps the worst actor on either worlds. Luckily I had an excuse not to go inside. I was pulling the cart. As we walked up the path to their front door, I saw Brian around the back watering some plants. "Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie shouted, and a rainbow streak zoomed past me and tackled Pinkie. The two were rough-housing for a moment, before settling down. The commotion had attracted Brian's attention, who put away his gardening gloves into his rear pocket, placed the watering can on a tree stump and walked over. He smiled at the two girls, but gave me a keen look. Not really in the mood for confrontation, I just looked away. "Dad," Rainbow Dash said quietly, barely loud enough for me to hear, "Come on. He's not a human." "Who's not a human? Forest?" Pinkie said out loud. My bones stiffened despite myself, and I turned my head towards the three of them, "What?" I said trying to sound stupid. "Brian thinks you're a human, Forest!" Pinkie said, bounding around me. Planning ahead maybe she was good at. Sensing awkward situations like this she was completely useless, "Isn't that funny?" "I guess so. I mean, I don't look anything like him. For one thing, I've got these hooves..." "If Celestia can change me into a Pony, which she did for a brief moment, then she can change you too," Brian replied. He was being very aggressive, and put himself between Rainbow Dash and me. Somewhere in the back of me mind a voice screamed. I think it was mine, but I had to play it cool. Somehow, I had to convince this Brian that me being human was wrong. But how? "Then why not go and ask her?" I said. Brian's face suddenly changed. Good! He was not expecting that. Ride on it! "Yeah. Why not go and ask her? Surely she would be able to tell if what you say is true." Brilliant! Brian's face had changed. The aggressive demeanor of his body had subsided, and instead he just stood there looking at me, confused. "You said 'anybody'. No-one in Ponyville says 'anybody'." Brian said, trying to rationalize his thoughts. "Well, what about other places? Ponyville surely isn't the only town in... the world..." "Equestria," Pinkie put in. "In Equestria. Thank you, Pinkie." "Welcome." "Maybe I came from another place. A town where there are more creatures than just Ponies." That was the gambit. I made a huge gamble. There was no evidence that there were other sentient beings, but seeing Spike, a Dragon, this gamble might actually work. All I had to do was wait - I would know if it didn't work soon enough. "See, dad. He's not from Earth," Rainbow Dash placed a hoof on her father's shoulder, "He's not here to take me away." "What?" I asked. "Dad was scared that you were here to take me back to Earth." "Why would I do a thing like that?" And that was honestly an honest question. Really. Why would I? "He's just protective of me, that's all. I mean, he did give up everything to come here." Rainbow looked at her dad and grinned. He didn't leave shit behind. He was alone with nothing, you were all he had. Of course he's going to choose you over that empty life. I said in my mind, "For someone who means everything to you, sacrificing everything is a small price to pay." God damn, that was a great line! "That' very... well put, Forest." Rainbow Dash replied, "See, dad?" "Fine, suppose I buy into the fact that you're from another place, let's say a big city like Canterlot, that doesn't explain your lack of any reaction to seeing me for the first time. I've been around Ponies for five years now, five whole years, and I've seen them all react to me in the same way. First they are afraid, then after a while they warm up to me. You had absolutely zero fear of me from the get-go. In fact, I seemed familiar to you. You didn't even flinch when I offered you my hand." The first time ever I wished I had pants so that I could shit in them. Instead I just stared at Brian for a long moment trying to come up with a reason. Any reason! But everything I could think of just did not make sense. It was time to repeat the fear of the Timberwolf again. "The Timberwol..." "Yes, yes. The Timberwolf scared you and you had no fear left. Don't buy it. You can tell me anything you want, and these girls might believe you, but I don't. I don't care what they say, there's something about you. Something... different." "Fine. Suppose I say you're right, I am different, then my next question is this: why would I want to do anything to your daughter?" Now it was my turn to go on the offensive. Could not let him have the upper-hand on me. Now it was my turn to press him. "I don't know." Brian said after a moment. Good, now I have him doubting his initial reason to be wary of me. That's a start. My told myself. "As I said to you last night, when you accused me of being a human, I told you that I was tired and was not interested in your accusations. I stand by that. And I will repeat, if you find out anything about me, then please, let me know. I will be very interested." I forced a smile on my face, but I held my breath. Brian just turned around and stormed into his house without another word. I had to give it to the guy, he was sharp. He knew right away I was suspicious, and knew that I was not who I said I was. My only hope was that he really believed that I willed no harm to him or his daughter, and to steer clear of him as much as possible. But if Rainbow Dash is such great friends with Pinkie, would that even be possible? "Dad!" Rainbow called out after her father, "Forest, I'm really sorry about this..." Time to play the 'nice-guy' card! I said to myself, "No, don't worry, Miss Dash. Your father is only looking out for you." "I'm not a baby..." "Pardon me for saying so, but you'll always be his baby." Game set, and match. Rainbow smiled, "Call me Rainbow. Doesn't feel right being called 'Miss Dash' by... a friend?" "If you say so, Rainbow." Yes! I've been friended! "Pinkie. Isn't it time?" Pinkie, who had been sitting quietly to one side since the start of Brian's accusations, now was back to her bubbly self. She picked up a cyan box, with a rainbow ribbon, and handed it to Rainbow, then another one, this one a skin-color not too disimilar to Brian's skin-tone was also handed over, at the same time explaining her cake batter story. When done, Rainbow watched us go, and didn't shut the door until we were quite a way down the road. "I've never seen Brian get like that... well, once. When he first came to Equestria, Princess Celestia confronted him. It was so scary!" Pinkie shuddered. I laughed. I was happy to have managed to somehow escape again. "So, where to now?" "Next is Fluttershy." "Fluttershy?" I asked, "I don't think I've met her." "She's really, really, really shy. She didn't come last night because one of her animals was sick. Her pet rabbit, Angel. He's getting old, so Fluttershy is taking care of him." At the mention of Angel's name, Pinkie's bubbliness faded. "How old is the rabbit now?" I asked. "He turned ten a little while ago." Pinkie replied, looking up at me. Now, when I was younger I had a pet rabbit. I got it for my sixth birthday, I remember it because it was the year that my father in all his glory, decided to beat my mother almost to death and therefore got himself thrown in jail, where he got shanked for talking shit. He died on the spot. My mother, glad to be rid of my father and his abusive control, went on a rampage of drinking and drugs. By the time I was twelve, she was in rehab, and I was living with my mother's mother. My grandma was a forgetful old tart, but she meant well. When I reached sixteen years of age, she bit the dust. I remember going to the crematorium alone - my mother was in rehab and could not make it. My rabbit died a few weeks later. Ten years old. After that, I went to boarding school. Was bullied, retaliated, got into a light of fights, expelled. Rinse, repeat that for three more semesters, after which I buried myself into books and forgot everything else. In conclusion, I hated rabbits. The path we traveled on looked very familiar, and I turned to Pinkie, "This road seems familiar." "It's the path to the Everfree Forest, but don't worry, we're not going in. Fluttershy's home is right over there, see?" And near the forest, indeed was a little house. A chicken coop lay outside. Pinkie rushed ahead of me, and knocked on the door. By the time I reached, I saw a yellow Pony hovering a little off the ground. "Hi, Pinkie." Pinkie inhaled, but Fluttershy closed her mouth, "Sh! Not so loud. Angel is sleeping." "Sorry, Fluttershy," Pinkie told her about the cakes, and handed her a yellow box. The rest of the conversation was held in whispers, so I couldn't hear them, but they were looking over my way and talking. Eventually Fluttershy came over towards me and flew just above my head, "Hello, I'm Fluttershy." "Hello, I'm Forest," I said whispering as well, "How is your rabbit?" At that, Fluttershy landed on the ground, "Not good, I'm afraid. He's doing very poorly. I don't know what to do? He's always been..." No! Don't you fucking dare! Don't do it! Oh, shit. She's doing it! She's going to do it! Ah, shit. Fluttershy began to cry. As awkward as it was, I patted her back, "There, there. It happens. The Circle of Life must go on." I turned to look at Pinkie, who also consoled her friend. For the next hour, I just stood there and watched the two girls. Even with her energy, and her excited attitude, Pinkie did her best to try and make Fluttershy smile. And what's more, she understood the situation, and acted in the proper manner. If you had told me a couple of hours ago that Pinkie was able to do that, I would have laughed at you and told you to stop hallucinating, but now I could see. Her friends really mattered to her. When the cry session was over, Pinkie showed Fluttershy back to the door, and watched as she entered her house. "Will she be alright?" I asked. "Yes, I think so. I'll come again tomorrow and check up on her." Pinkie smiled at me, "But she talked to you. She rarely talks to anypony the first time." "Guess I'm lucky." We walked back together, stopping along the way for Pinkie to hand out random cakes to random Ponies. It was amazing just how many of them were so eager to get at Pinkie's cakes, and what was even more amazing was all the free stuff that Pinkie got in return for them. Parking the cart back into the area behind Sugarcube Corner, I saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake standing on the ledge of the loading bay looking down at us. "Did you guys enjoy your date?" Mrs. Cake asked. "Wha-!" I said in shock. Pinkie turned even more pinker than before - something I didn't think was possible; the fact that Ponies could blush was another matter. She just stood there looking embarrassed for a long moment, like a deer caught in headlights. After a pause she looked at Mrs. Cake, "It wasn't a date! Forest was just helping me." Mrs. Cake just smiled and nodded, "Okay, okay. Sorry, I just thought..." "Dear, I think I heard the kids crying out for you." Mr. Cake cut in. Mrs. Cake, whether understanding the hint, or just was concerned for her children, disappeared into the shop. I gave Mr. Cake the man-nod, the man-sign for 'thanks'. He nodded back, and followed his wife inside. "I'm so-sorry, I don't know why Mrs. Cake..." "It's okay, Pinkie. I had fun," Dare I say it, "You're great company. We should hang out again." Pinkie's eyes opened wide, and the smile on her face - well, it was priceless. Stumbling and fumbling, she walked up the stairs to the door. Eventually she opened it, laughing stupidly in the process. Then, when she eventually entered the house, and closed the door, only them did I start walking towards my hotel. Walking up to the receptionist, she eyed me. "What?" I asked. "I saw you... and Pinkie." She said, then she leaned forwards, "Are you friends with her too?" The venom in her voice shocked me. I know venom when I hear it, I produce enough venom in my words that would put a cobra to shame. I didn't say anything. "I don't want you in my hotel," She said, narrowing her eyes, "Anyone who's friends with her can find another place to stay. Pay, and leave." "Can't I at least stay tonight?" I asked, not really wanting to get into another fight after that bout with Brian earlier. "Fine. But I want you out by morning." She threw the key to my room at my face. Picking it up off the floor, I went to my room. Automatically, I went for the laptop, and placed it on the table. Tutela was waiting for me. "What is wrong with that receptionist?" I asked. "She seems to have a... 'problem' with Pinkie. So, did you enjoy your day? You got paid twice. For helping at Sweet Apple Acres, and you got paid for the errand you ran for Rarity. Not bad. Then, you helped Pinkie deliver her cakes to her friends without hesitation, and confronted Brian again. It's too bad he's stubborn, but that is also perhaps the main reason why he's in Equestria in the first place. Once he gets an idea in his head..." "Seems that I'm moving out tomorrow," I said, leaning back against the back of the chair, "Where will I find a place..." The thought struck me already. There was a place. "Clubhouse?" Tutela asked. I nodded. "Well, at least now you can buck all the apples and clean all the windows you want." Tutela grinned at me. "You know, I'm beginning to hate apples and windows." I replied, putting my hoof on the back of the monitor to be ready to close it for the night. "Then maybe you would rather use Linux?" Tutela laughed out loud at her own joke, and as she said it, the screen changed again to another operating system. "I hate you. I hate you so much." I said aloud to the Changeling. "I know." She replied, grinning like Dracula as I shut the laptop. Then I lay on the bed, and passed out.