Rarity reached around for a pillow to hold over her ears; somepony was pounding on the shop door. Her night mask and earplugs were still buried in the mountain of luggage piled at the foot of her bed. She knew morning had arrived, but she didn’t care.
“I refuse to open the shop today. Nopony can make me.”
The pounding continued, unabated. Some inconsiderate pony was very persistent.
Rarity rolled to the bed’s edge, wishing she’d packed the complimentary bottle of cider from the honeymoon suite. Last night she could’ve drunk it, and this morning she could’ve used the empty bottle for hoof-to-hoof combat with whoever dared disturb her much-needed beauty sleep.
By the time she arose, Spike was already in the hallway, just outside of Sweetie Belle’s currently-vacant room. Her parents couldn’t have picked a better month to take her little sister on a family trip, considering that the castle was completely uninhabitable in its current state.
Spike rubbed his eyes and looked at her. “Who is that? Why’re they here so early?”
She marched past him towards the staircase. “Whoever it is, apparently they can’t read the ‘Closed’ sign on the door.”
As they reached the shop’s ground floor, Pinkie’s voice rang in their ears. “Rarity! Rarity! I’ve got some super-ultra-important news that just can’t wait!”
Rarity’s breath caught in her throat. “Spike, hide! Nopony can know you’re staying here, especially not our friends. The rumors, the scandal… what would they think?”
He jumped behind a ponyquin. “I dunno, maybe that we’re happily married or something crazy like that…”
Holding a smile was particularly difficult when she saw Pinkie’s sugar-fueled grin. If only she had that kind of energy, or that kind of happiness, for that matter. “Good morning, Pinkie Pie. What brings you here so early?”
Pinkie bounced up and down so quickly that her swaying mane bordered on being hypnotic. “I’m here to remind you about our extra-special party this afternoon at Sugarcube corner! All our bestest friends are coming, all except for Twilight. Oh! Maybe we can plan a welcome-back-to-Ponyville party for her; we’ll make it a party-planning party!”
Rarity’s smile grew thin. “I might have an idea or two of how to welcome Twilight back…”
Pinkie nodded. “Me too! I’ll expect to see both of you there.”
“Both of us?”
“You and Spike! Why’s he hiding back there, anyway?”
Rarity whirled around. Spike was still hiding behind the ponyquin, all except for his tail. “Pinkie, this isn’t what it—”
By the time she turned back, Pinkie was bouncing her way down the street. “See you both at noon!”
Spike joined her at the door a moment later. “So… are we going?”
“To the party? I suppose it would be rude not to, and would only lead to more questions.”
“What do you think Pinkie’s going to say?”
“Nothing, I hope. It isn’t out of the ordinary for you to be helping me, after all.”
“But that is,” Spike said, pointing at her horn.
“Spike, whatever do you—” A chill ran down down Rarity’s back. She was still wearing her wedding rings.
---
The snow on the ground hampered their progress considerably. The clock had struck noon two minutes ago, and they were just now trudging their way to the door of Sugarcube Corner. They were two minutes past being on time, and three minutes too early to be considered fashionably late.
“Thank you for helping me unpack this morning, Spikey,” Rarity said.
Air shot out of his nostrils. The condensation made it look as if he was about to breath fire. “That’s what a good husband would do, right?”
Fire indeed.
Rarity winced. “Must we do this again, Spike? Can we please just attend the party and spend a few hours with our friends in peace?”
He kicked a snow drift. “Yeah… I’m sorry. I don’t want to be mean and angry, really. It’s… it’s just kind of hard to deal with right now.”
“I know,” she whispered.
As expected, the party was already in full swing. A vast assortment of sandwiches, cakes, and other scrumptious-looking food was spread out on a long table. Four of their closest friends, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie, were milling around a punch bowl on the far end.
Pinkie ran over as soon as she saw them. “There’s our missing party-ponies! Wanna try one of my brand-new chocolate-banana-daisy cupcakes?”
The tray of aforementioned cupcakes appeared under Rarity’s nose a moment later. She inadvertently took a step back, fearing Pinkie was going to take a page out of Fleur’s book and serve them at high velocity. “Th-thank you, Pinkie Pie, they look scrumptious.”
Spike pulled one off the tray, took a bite, and nodded. “Whoa, these are awesome, Pinkie.”
Rainbow Dash swooped down to grab one. “Hey, where’re you going with those?” The cupcake vanished into her frosting-stained mouth and crumbs rained down. “So why’re you two late?”
Spike shrugged. “Eh, I… got busy is all. Twilight left a ton of work for me to do while she’s gone.”
Applejack cuffed him on the shoulder with a grin. “Darn tootin’ she did. Where were you all weekend, Spike? Twilight roped me into helping her stuff the whole castle full of scrolls from Canterlot, Manehattan, and pony-knows where else. I kept asking her where they were all supposed to go, but she just kept saying that was your job when you got back.”
“Well… uh…”
Pinkie jumped up and down. “Oh! Oh! Were you hiding at Rarity’s? That’s where I’d hide from Applejack.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Har har. Yeah, I get it. Wherever you were, Twilight wasn’t too pleased, I can tell you that.”
Rarity could see beads of sweat forming on Spike’s forehead. She let out a carefree laugh, or at least as close to one as her stress level permitted. “Pinkie, don’t be ridiculous. Spike was merely helping me this morning when you stopped by.”
Fluttershy nudged her. “Rarity, if… well, if it’s not too much trouble… could you pick up Opal right after the party? Practicing with my bird choir is kind of hard with a cat in the house.”
“Of course, Fluttershy. You’re such a dear, watching her for me while I was away on such short notice.”
Pinkie frowned. “You were gone, too? That’s why I couldn’t find you? We were having a milkshake-drinking contest on Saturday and I really, really wanted all my friends there to support me.”
Spike patted her on the back. “Aww, I’m sorry, Pinkie. I’m sure you did great.”
Pinkie’s grin came back in an instant. “You know it! I got to twenty before the Cakes told me I had to stop. They ran out of ice cream, those silly ponies…”
Rainbow Dash swiped another cupcake off the tray. “Wait a sec, you two were both gone? What’s the deal?”
Rarity forced out another laugh. “Oh, it’s just a coincidence. I was away on business in Canterlot.”
Rainbow Dash folded her front hooves. “Uh huh. So what about you, Spike? If you weren’t with Twilight or Rarity, where were you?”
Rarity knew the end was nigh. The subtle flick of his tail, the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot, and the quiver in his smile all said the same thing: he was going to crack, and no amount of deflection on her part could prevent it from happening.
Spike scratched his forehead. “I was… uh…”
Applejack snatched the tray of cupcakes, interrupting Rainbow Dash’s attempt to grab another one. “Save some for the rest of us, Rainbow.”
Rainbow Dash grabbed the other end of the tray and gave it a sharp tug. “Hey, just because I’m a faster eater than you are doesn’t mean I’m gonna eat all of them.”
“Faster? Why don’t you try cleaner, for once? I ain’t no high-society pony, but at least I’ve got the common courtesy to wipe my mouth after I’m done stuffing it.”
They pulled the tray left, right, and finally up. Rainbow lifted the tray, and Applejack, into the air, and the cupcakes went flying. Pinkie made the all-important proclamation seconds before a cupcake hit her in the face: “Food fight!”
Rarity let out a shriek and dove for cover. She opened her eyes thirty seconds later when, contrary to her fears, cartloads of desserts didn’t fly like mortar fire. Instead, she realized that all her friends were staring at her, all except for Spike. Where had he gone?
Rainbow Dash and Applejack started laughing.
Fluttershy blushed.
Pinkie pointed at the floor underneath Rarity. “You might want to let him breath. Just saying.”
“Pinkie, what do you—” Then she looked down. She’d dived onto Spike and currently had him pinned to the floor in what anypony, herself included, would consider a loving embrace.
Applejack fanned herself with her hat while her laughter subsided. “Maybe you should save some of that for the honeymoon, Rares.”
Spike scowled and pushed Rarity off. “It’s way too late for that. The honeymoon’s over alread—I mean…”
Rainbow’s laughter stopped cold. “Say what? You two are… married?”
“What? Ha, no… that’s… that’s crazy,” Spike stammered.
Rarity cringed. “We… we shouldn’t lie anymore, Spike. I’ve acted abominably enough already. Our friends deserve the truth.”
Fluttershy held her hooves over her mouth. “Oh my! Congratulations, Rarity! But… how could you and Spike… I mean…”
“I… I can explain. Last Friday, I received an invitation to a very exclusive social club that requires its attendees to be married. I very selfishly asked Spike to accompany me and, being the wonderful friend that he is… I’m afraid that until Twilight returns on Sunday, we’re lawfully wedded, despite it all being a sham.”
Rainbow burst out laughing again. “Wait, so you two really are married? Like, legally and everything? I want to see you kiss!”
Pinkie stomped a hoof. “And I want to know why I didn’t get to throw you a fake bridal shower, or a fake wedding reception! I didn’t even get to help Spike pick out the rings you were wearing this morning!”
Fluttershy blushed deep red. “But… a pony and a dragon… how would they… you know…”
Now it was Rarity’s turn to blush. “Fluttershy! I assure you, this ‘marriage’ is completely chaste!”
Rainbow put a foreleg around Spike and grinned. “That’s no way to treat your hubby, am I right?”
Spike freed himself and backed away. “N-nothing happened, I swear!”
Fluttershy was on him next. She hovered over him and inspected him from all sides, as if he was an unfamiliar plant. “But… but if you did… would offspring even be possible? Would they be ponies? Dragons? Dragon-pony hybrids?”
Pinkie jumped up and down. “That’s it! I’ll throw you a fake dragon-pony-hybrid foal shower! That’s a thing, right? How’s next Tuesday at three?”
Applejack shouldered her way past them on her way to the door. “That’s it. I’m leaving.”
Pinkie froze. “B-but we’re having a party.”
“Not anymore, we’re not.” Applejack turned back and glared a hole in Rarity. “I can’t tell which one of you two I’m more ashamed of.”
Rarity held up a hoof. “I agree it’s a terrible mistake, Applejack, but—”
Applejack stomped both of her front hooves. “But nothing! The way you’ve trampled those sacred vows makes me sick. I just can’t bear to look at either one of you right now.”
Spike’s face fell. “I… I just wanted—”
“And it serves you right that Twilight flew the coop! Want my advice? Live out the week under one roof so you get it through those thick heads of yours exactly what you’ve done!”
Applejack slammed the door shut behind her.
Rarity looked from one friend to the next, and found that their looks of shock were directed at her and Spike, not the now-absent Applejack. She threw back her mane and marched to the door. “Then that’s just what we’ll do! Come, Spike, I believe we need to relocate your belongings to the boutique.”
Spike hung his head and followed her out. “Yeah… I’m coming, Rarity.”
Rainbow shook her head. “How about that, married for just one weekend and she’s already got him fully trained.”