The Ponyville Gazette
Stampede averted-Town relived
Yesterday the small burb of Ponyville came mere inches from devastation. Towns folk milling about in downtown yesterday already know about the stampede of the cattle herd. What many may not know about, is the unsung hero who averted the disaster. Local farmer Applejack, current owner of Sweet Apple Acres was quick to intercede on the situation.
With the assistance of her pet dog she managed to change the course of the herd, saving Ponyville and it's residents. Here's what some eyewitness had to say about the whole ordeal.
"It was so terrifying, i even took my doormat inside!" Golden Harvest.
"This was the best rodeo show I've ever seen!" Pinkie Pie.
"These filthy cows should not be allowed to run around like that." Name withheld.
As of yet the cause of the stampede is unknown, unconfirmed reports are circulating that the rush began when a serpent was spotted in the grazing fields. Local police are looking to bring in said snake for questioning and possible charges of inciting a riot.
On a positive note Mayor Mare has announced a celebration in behalf of Applejack's bravery and constant helpful acts for the benefit of Ponyville and it's residents. The celebration is planned to take place one week from today, an award will be presented by Princess Celestia's student, Twilight Sparkle. All are encouraged to attend and to share experiences of how Applejack has helped you.
The weather factory in Cloudsdale has issued the following schedule for weather patterns for the next week-
Twilight finished skimming over the forecast and folded up the newsprint, setting the paper down she looked across the dining table at her assistant Spike. He was gnawing away at his breakfast, "So does the paper say anything interesting?" asked Spike.
"No, nothing you couldn't learn from just being there. Pretty bare bones reporting if you ask me," said Twilight.
"So what are you planning on saying at the awards ceremony?" asked Spike.
She fished out the index cards she had been jotting down speech notes on. The stack was hefty, around two dozen cards full of praise and inspirational filler. "I'm still working on it, i wan't to make sure i get all the essentials in there."
"Are you sure you got enough Twilight?" Spike said in a sardonic manner.
"Thanks for the reminder, i need to stop by the stationary store and get more cards." Twilight began stacking the cards in a pyramid. "You know the first day we got here i thought Applejack was just some yokel with a penchant for farming similes. But I've been talking with ponies around town to do research, it sounds like she's actually pretty well liked. From what I've been told her family has been the backbone of Ponyville since before it even existed."
"That's impressive," said Spike, who then returned to gnawing at the dull gemstone.
The week passed by without event, all was quite in town. Strangely enough the toast of the town and the reason for the celebration, Applejack was nowhere to be found. Twilight had heard second hoof from her friends that Applejack was hard at work, bucking apple trees but evidently was still willing to offer her help.
"She's going to help me practice for my routine for the 'Best young flyers' competition." said Derpy.
"Applejack was kind enough to lend her knowledge about PH and chemicals for the hot tub." said Lotus
"She's lending me equipment for homebrewing cider." said Berry.
The day came around, once again Ponyville's residents gathered in the square. The town hall was neatly decorated with amber sashes and over sized blue prize ribbons, above the podium was a huge banner with hoof painted apples. Twilight took her place on stage, "Welcome everypony! Today we are glad to honor one of Ponyvilles' finest. A pony whose contributions to-" As Twilight prattled on, one of the ponies from the audience was trying to sneak onstage, she was promptly stopped by security.
"Aw come on i was just going to talk about how Applejack is helping me perfect my new routine to get into the Wonder Bolts," said the cyan Pegasus.
"Sorry kid, the only ponies allowed onstage are Twilight Sparkle, Mayor Mare and Applejack," said the stern security official. The fangirl sulked off back into the crowds.
"- we can all strive to be a bit more like Applejack, each willing to be honest with each other-" Twilight's speech was getting a response from the crowd, some were nodding their heads in agreement, taking to heart the council.
Backstage again the guard stopped a hyperactive pink pony from trying to steal the mike, "Whoa whoa, hold your horses sister. I'm afraid you can't be up there," said the guard.
"Are you sure? Cause i'm already onstage," the guard looked around confused, the pony who had been in front of him was no longer there. A fast one-eighty spin and he found the pony was indeed on stage, just out of sight.
"How did you?" the guard asked confusedly.
"It's alright i just wanted to announce that i'm running Sugar Cube Corner with Applejack's help and were giving away free samples!" said the pink pony.
'Hmm free baked goods?' He thought to himself. "Look how about i give them a note to announce that for you? Would that be alright?" asked the guard.
"Not just alright, that'll be Super Duper!" the pink pony bounced happily off stage and back into the crowd.
"-for it was not on brick and mortar that Ponyville was built, but the hard work and determination of the Apple family-" Some of the crowd were starting to loose interest, not helped by the unnecessary detail the speech was going into.
Backstage once more, a meek yellow Pegasus was inching her way to the ramp. The guard eyeing her all the way, "um hello, i was wondering if it would be alright if i got on stage to let everyone know that Applejack is helping me with the bunny census? you know if that's ok," The guard said nothing, only staring her down behind his tinted sunglasses. "um i guess it's not that important," the yellow Pegasus shrunk back, and hid herself away in the back of the crowd.
"Crime and punishment, Punishment and crime, In the Hall!" At this point the whole audience was either falling asleep or impatiently crossing their hind legs desperately praying that this tirade would end and the bathrooms would be open. Thankfully Mayor Mare stepped in to spare the assembly.
"Thankyou, Miss Sparkle, truly a, speech we will carry with us. And now without further procrastination here she is the pony of the hour-"
A voice from the crowd jeered, "More like four hours!" the disparaging remark got a rise out of the crowd, some laughed, some glared angrily at him for prolonging the event even farther.
"-Applejack!" the crowd roared with applause, but nopony took the stage.
"Has anypony seen Applejack?" Twilight asked the crowd.
"Ahm commin'," said a voice from the mass. An orange earth pony saddled up with baskets full of apples emerged, all the way to the stage she could barely hold herself up, knocking into the other attendees. Rather than take the steps up Applejack tried climbing up the stage, she fumbled as she tried lifting her legs up. At one point the security guard tried helping her, she swatted his hoof away, "Ah can do this myself, thankya kindly!"
Finally she made her way to the podium to accept her trophy, a large gold cup with a placard reading 'For outstanding achievement in achievement'. "I wanted to thank yall for giving me this here dohicky. It sure is awful shiny, hehe, real shinny. Say howd' yall get a tiny me in there anyhow?" Applejack said eyeing her reflection in the surface of the trophy. "Hehe, woo woo woo" she was moving the trophy closer and father away watching in bemusement as her reflection danced.
"Anyways i got apples to get back to," Applejack said. Dragging the trophy behind her she made her way to the stages end, and promptly fell off and planted firmly on her face. "Ahm okay."
As Applejack left the crowd fell into an awkward silence, the whole reason for the celebration had just departed. Mayor Mare spoke up once more, "Let's see, we still have plenty of refreshments." This seemed to break the ice, some went off and began gorging themselves, the rest made a mad dash for the porta-johns.
Twilight decided to talk about the ordeal that just occurred with her friends, she managed to find Berry and Lyra near the food table. "Can you believe what just happened?"
"What you mean Applejack acting all loopy?" responded Lyra.
"Yes that, she was about to fall over on stage, and then she did. And i wasn't going to say anything up there but i'm sure i smelt cider on her breath," Twilight said with indignation.
"So what? Applejack's a hard working girl. Besides I've been known to knock back a cold one every once in a while." said Berry
"Do you usually 'knock back a cold one' before going on stage in front of the whole town? The entire town and the pony who spent an entire week writing a speech to honor you?" asked Twilight.
Berry thought on it, "Can't really say, haven't had that honor yet." She chuckled.
"Well i think it's disgraceful," said Twilight, tilting up her nose in a 'Canterlot' fashion.
"Oh, lighten up Twilight. Don't be such a prude, anyway nopony got hurt, except maybe her pride once she sobers up," Berry said in jest.
Lyra who was remaining silent during the conversation was thinking hard, the thought showed on her brow and her face, all scrunched up. Twilight took notice and decided to ask what's the matter.
"Hmm, oh nothing. Hey girls it's been fun but I've got some stuff i need to take care of, i'll catch you latter." Lyra left the table and began trotting off, searching for where Applejack had went. 'Something definitely is not right, and i'm going to get to the bottom of this.'