Chapter 9: To Cage a Rainbow
(Or The Betrothal of Rainbow Dash.)
As they traveled on to Fluttershy’s house even Applejack got in on the teasing, singing “Nicolas and Rainbow sitting in an apple-tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes three-hundred-days-of-pregnancy followed by a third-of-an-hour of labor, and then comes Rainbow pushing a foal’s carriage!” — Sure, it lacked the playful rhythm of the children’s taunt on Earth… but it was a bit more explicit about the process.
Rainbow Dash, for her part, was blushing so badly that one might have mistaken her for Twilight or Pinkie if it weren’t for the multi-spectral mane. Every time she tried to deny it one of the group would counter it. Like when Spike over-dramatically proclaimed “methinks the lady doth protest too much!” (Nicolas Cage made a comment about the horrid English accent and Spike countered that he was from England.)
Even Nicolas Cage got in on it, kneeling in front of her and saying:
“Oh, fair mare!
My love is more than I can bear,
and as a couple would cause others to stare,
thine bounteous love hast caught me unaware!”
— and with that he made absurdly overacted motions, earning a bit of a glare from his professed object of love but eliciting laughter from the rest of the group.
Seeing the glare he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “It’s not as bad if you play along; they’re just teasing you for the reaction you know.”
And with a wink he was back on his feet, traveling with the rest of the group.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were relentless in teasing Rainbow Dash, asking all sorts of questions like who the maid of honor would be, or what color the bridesmaids’s dresses would be, or how many foals she wanted, or what names she was considering.
(Fluttershy; red; six; Lightning, Rod, Smooth Flight, Turbulency, and Zephyr — for anyone who’s interested.)
When they reached the edge of the forest Spike halted and said, “Well, this is as far as I go.”
“What, why’s that?” Scootaloo asked.
“Vampire. Sun.” Spike said indicating himself and the sky respectively.
“Oh, right.” Scootaloo laughed, “I hope we’ll see you again soon, Spike.”
“Ohhhh… Scootaloo’s got her eye on Spike!” Apple Bloom said, all too eager to turn the same teasing on Scootaloo as she had on Rainbow Dash.
“Wh— no! — I…” Scootaloo began to panic like Rainbow Dash had at the beginning.
Spike just laughed, ruffled the little orange pegasus’s mane and said, “Nah, I’m a bit too old for the nibblet.”
* * *
“I– I’m sorry, but I can’t send you back Mr. Cage.” Twilight said, sadly admitting that she just didn’t have enough practical summoning experience. “I promise I’ll try to learn enough to send you back… but for the meantime you’re stuck here.”
“I see. That’s understandable.” Cage nodded, looking around the inside of the tree/library/home he found himself in.
“Until we get you some place of your own you can stay with me and Spike.” Twilight said, indicating the upper level of the library which served as a bedroom.
“Thank you.” he replied, “I’m sorry to impose.”
“No! It’s my responsibility since it was my spell that brought you here, Mr. Cage.” she said.
“Well, there is the small issue of clothes...” he replied, indicating the Rainbow Dash suit he still wore.
“I think I can talk Rarity into making something for you.” Twilight said.
After everyone went to bed, Nicolas Cage stared at the ceiling wondering what this strange world held in store for him. He found himself staring at the Rainbow Dash suit discarded next to the bed and remembering the poor kid that everyone had picked on… even he had, and maybe he should apologize.
* * *
The next day, Rainbow Dash awoke and flew in to work to get her assignments for the week; it was nothing big, just overcast most of the week with a few light showers toward the end of the week.
After dragging in the nice gray clouds she commandeered a small one for a little nap… that was perhaps the biggest perquisite of the Ponyville weather-job: being able to get a steady income as long as the weather was on time.
As she began smoothing the cloud out for a nap she saw the human, Nicolas Cage, making his way to Rarity’s boutique, still clad in the Rainbow Dash outfit, and being led by a small purple dragon. Remembering the teasing from the day prior, she felt her heart rate increase and her embarrassment at all the things her friends had said.
Shaking her head, she returned to her task of making a place to nap.
* * *
Spike was bored. Really bored. But he couldn’t leave until Mr. Cage got some new outfits from Rarity, he knew he should have brought a couple of comic books to read…
“Hey Spike!” Sweetie Belle said, interrupting the young dragon’s boredom, “How’s it going?”
“Meh. Alright, I guess.” He said, shrugging.
“You don’t look alright.”
“I’m bored.”
“Well… how about we make something?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“I have an idea!” Sweetie Belle said with a mischievous grin as she pulled out cardstock, colored pencils, colored paper, glue, and Rarity’s gem-dust.
And, five minutes later the outline for a card, a mock wedding invitation, was coming to life — it was, of course, for the wedding of Spike (the vampire) and Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle was not going to let that one drop any time soon, especially since it was clear that Scootaloo rather liked the vampire after Rainbow Dash had fallen off her pedestal with the ghastly “flesh-pocket”.
Ten minutes later the card was finished and, in Sweetie Belle’s opinion, looking quite professional with the shaded calligraphy, the paper lace, the paper inlays and shapes. It was quite an attractive looking card… the only problem was that Rarity was not even close to finished.
“Well, maybe we could make another.” Sweetie Belle said.
“But who?” Spike asked.
“Rainbow Dash and Mister Cage!” Sweetie replied with a wink.
And so the two got to work making another card, far more colorful and intricate than the first. It took them twenty minutes and just as they were admiring it the door to the boutique opened and in strode Rainbow Dash.
“What’cha doing?” She asked, looking at the dragon and filly.
Spike, unfortunately, was so startled that he let off a bout of dragonfire which consumed the card and sent it to Princess Celestia.
“Making wedding invitations.” Sweetie Belle said, holding up the Spike/Scootaloo one for Rainbow Dash to see while winking at Spike.
Rainbow Dash laughed as she read the card, “I wonder how Princess Celestia will take an invitation to Scootaloo’s wedding…”
“Well, it wasn’t that invitation.” Spike started confessing, not seeing the glare Sweetie Belle was giving him.
“Oh? Then…” Rainbow Dash prompted.
“It was yours —” Spike said, interrupted by a note from the princess.
“I would be most honored to attend Rainbow Dash’s wedding. I look forward to meeting this Nicolas Cage and seeing what kind of stallion could sweep Rainbow Dash off her hooves.” Spike read aloud.
Rainbow Dash was stunned into silence, so much so that she may as well have turned into a statue for a few minutes.
“Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!Ohmygosh!” Rainbow Dash hyperventilated, the princess was coming to see her get married to Mr. Cage. There was no way she could disappoint the Princess, that would be worse than failing to get onto the Wonderbolts!
At that moment the door opened and Nicolas Cage, the unaware and soon to be groom, stepped through carrying a variety of clothes ranging from a duplicate of the Rainbow Dash costume, to something that looked like a cross between that costume and a business suit, to what looked to be a pair of feety-pajamas.
“Hi, Mr. Cage.” Rainbow Dash said through her teeth as her face quite obviously was forced into a smile — She couldn’t let the princess down, so this left only one thing to do, “Would you like to go out with me?”