//------------------------------// // Discord Needs a Class. // Story: Discord Writes a Ship Fic // by Phoenix Quill //------------------------------// Discord had finally grown tired of holding up his signs, and tossed them out the window to hit the royal guard that was flying past. A surprised shout of, "what the," echoed through the grounds as the guard took a nose dive to the grass below. Discord thought about leaning out the window to apologize, but thought better of it. Nope, I'm not responsible. He then quickly snapped his fingers and brought a typewriter out of nowhere. "Let's see what I can pull out of my hat today," he commented as he began to randomly type what came to mind. Carrots Need Sunshine Too It was a perfect day in Ponyville, which surprised nopony at all, because it always seemed to be perfect weather. Unless it was raining. But as far as I know that's only happened once. And it was scheduled. Anyway, where were we. Ah, yes, perfect day in Ponyville. And Carrot Top was strolling down mane street. "What a lovely day," she said out loud, which drew a lot of stares. "Miss, who are you talking to?" A donkey in a bad wig asked her. "Nopony at all! I'm just loving life!" She then continued to hum to herself as she trotted down the street to her carrot stall. It comes as no surprise to anypony, but Carrot Top sold carrots. What a shocker. She flipped the sign to open, and pulled the tarp off of the stand to show the crates of carrots she had available, and was clearly not expecting anything special to happen. But something special did happen, as is likely to do so in stories. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a story at all, now would there? You see, it had all been rather pedestrian for her as she continued to trot on down the street, up untill she fell into a wormhole that dropped her into the fourth dimension. It was all rather interesting in it's own way, and there was a point where Carrot Top became queen of the sock people, but we aren't going to go into that. Instead, we are going to come back to the moment that she fell out of that fourth dimension, and found herself wiped entirely clean of those more fascinating memories. That was when she had found herself in a bath tub. "Huh, how did I get here?" She asked as she noted the small rubber duck that floated past her in the bubbles. "That would be interesting to know," Carrot Top froze, and turned around to the voice. Strangely familliar, as if she'd heard it before in some foggy, distant memory of an event she'd been to. One where important ponies congregated on an anual basis. There, mere hoof lengths away, was the face of Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and known prankster of subtle porportions. "Tell me, where did you come from little pony?" Naturally, after having ones memory ereased, falling through a portal to another dimension, becoming the ruler of the sock people, and then having your memory re-activated without recent events of being said queen of the sock people, you tend not to be very eloquent. "Er. I don'know." Celestia gave a small nod as she sat herself up in the tub. That was when Carrot Top noticed that she was currently lying on her rulers stomach. "I see," she said as she rose out of the tub. "Well, I believe that there's a special place that I have for ponies like you." "Is it home?" Carrot Top asked hopefully. "Close enough," Celestia said with a sly grin. Carrot Top leaned against the bars of her dungeon cell in an extremely bored manner. "But I'm telling you, I didn't do it on purpose!" "Quiet in there," the guard said as she smacked the bars with the not pointy end of her spear. "It's bad enough you need to be watched, I don't want to have to listen to you wine all day either." Carrot Top was at this point, confused. Not over the fact of where she was, or how she had wound up in there, but rather over the sudden inexplicable feelings that she had grown over seeing her ruler soaking wet in the bath. Before, she had always thought of being with a mare as, well, just fine really, just not for her. Now she's suddenly finding herself having day dreams of one, and not just any one, but the ruler of the entire country. Clearly, she needed to get out of her cell, and probably think things over in a place that could explain to her that she was more than likely suffering from a case of what was known in the castle of being blinded by the sun. However, she wasn't about to tell anypony anything of that sort, and decided that it was probably best to just wait it out. yes, that I think would be best, just wait until they let you go. And so she did. For all of ten more minutes. Okay, I think I have a plan, she thought to herself before sticking a hoof between the bars. "Guard! I think I'm gonna be sick, can I get a cup of water?" The guard grunted out a response before trotting off to fetch the requested drink, and Carrot Top gleefully rubbed her hooves together. yes, all according to plan. She stopped the moment that the guard came back, and went immediately back to acting ill. "Thank you," she said with a slight cough as the door to her cell opened. The guard placed the water on the small desk in the cell, and for only one instant, her back was turned on the prisoner. But as anypony who works in the correctional institute knows, you should never turn your back on the prisoners you watch over. Unfortunately, Carrot Top didn't know this, and when she tried to sneak out the cell door. The result that followed was something that was probably interesting, but I feel that I'm not quite capable of being able to convey the imagery into writing. Basically, things happened, and- "No, no NO!" Discord yelled and threw the story away from him as fast as he could. "Sweet cheeses crust pizza! This is terrible! Where's the romance, the passion? WHERE'S ALL MY CARES TO GIVE?!" The room suddenly filled with the sound of a heavenly chorus, and everything dimmed in the room. Discord looked over and saw that a spotlight shone in a corner of his room, and there floated down Screwball, the propeller of her hat spinning rapidly to keep her afloat. "Discord," she said in a voice that was more heavenly than any he ever expected to come from her. "You have lost your compass." Discord looked a little lost for a moment, "Uh, no, it's right here, see?" He then pulled out a compass from the same place that he seemed to keep everything that is simply known as who knows where. "No Discord," she said with a serine face. "You spent too long doing adventures for the princesses, and not enough time concentrating on what's important." "Yes," Discord said with a claw to his chin, it's so obvious, I need to study more to become better with my writing!" Screwball then slapped Discord hard as she could, making his face spin into an unrecognizable pattern. "Foolish fool! Have you learned nothing? Hard work never got anypony anywhere!" "But what about Filthy Rich?" "NOPONY!" Screwball yelled before putting back on her serine face. "No, your way is not the road traveled by the sweat of your brow, for you are Discord, spirit of chaos, lord of lies, and your path is the mean spirited one!" She then gave discord a stack of papers. ""Now get out there, and make fun of some ponies." Discord looked at the papers, and felt the awe of the possibilities, then shoved them aside. "Maybe later, I think that we should probably resolve the thing that's happening on the other end of the castle." "Oh, is there something going on over there?" Stella seemed to be magnetically attracted to the book, despite the fact that she could only just barely be able to understand the ancient ruins that graced the cover of the book. She reached out to grab the book, only for the door to burst open. "Luna, you can't possibly;" Celestia froze in the open door as she saw the gryphon standing in place, one claw in one of Luna's drawers and a set of socks on her rear paws. The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment or two, only for the sound of something heavy tumbling around in the air vent. "What's going on in here?" Raven said as she pushed her way passed Celestia, only for both Twilight and Luna to fall out of the air vent and land on her with a resounding thump. "WE HATH ARRIVED!" Luna said as she stood in her best attempt to look regal. "Halt right there with those magical, and possibly dangerous artifacts!" Stella gave a resounding, "ummm," and gave the group a face that was not too dissimilar to that of being caught with her claws in the cookie jar. "It's not what it looks like?" "Oh no it's not," Discord said in a slimy voice as he slithered out of one of Luna's drawers wearing a pair of panties on his head. "After all, we almost forgotten about how Luna is standing on Twilight's wings." Everypony then looked down, and saw that that was indeed the case. "Oh my," Luna exclaimed before jumping up off the groaning Twilight. "We didn't see you there, art thou alright?" Twilight was about to answer, when Discord interrupted, "She's fine I'm sure," he said with a casual wave of his claw. "Now, my little intern, put down that book. You don't know the power of the horrors that lie within." "But I haven't," Stella started only for Celestia to speak up. "Stella, just put the book down, I have seen the horrors that lie within that drawer;" "What?!" Luna said in shock. "Quiet LuLu;" Celestia said with a harsh tone. "The point is that I need you to put those down and leave the room. I need to talk with my sister and Twilight about something." Silence sat about the room, until Stella kicked him out by simply saying, "Fine." She then took the socks off and gently placed them in the drawer before walking out." "Leave the book of fan art behind." Discord said with a sharp tone, causing Stella to drop the book that she had tucked under her wing. It left a resounding thud and flipped open to reveal a rather saucy picture of Princess Luna that somepony had sent to her. Everyone in the room at once cringed. It took a few weeks for everyone to recover from the shock of the image. Everyone that is, except for Luna and Discord, who had a mild case of embarrassment, and a laughter coma. Discord never did quite recover from the fact that the goth princess could laugh herself into a coma.