Clusterbuck to City Hall

by Caddy Finz


Chapter 8: Shoulda Kept Your Mouth Shut

After going through the front entrance, Octavia went down the hall of the Ponyville town office building towards the main lobby where she could be pointed in the right direction by the receptionist. While trotting down this hall, she noticed dozens of framed photographs of every mayor the town has had throughout its history, which went back all the way to the year 1869. These mayors came from all kinds of backgrounds and despite Ponyville being founded and populated mostly by Earth ponies, it has had it's fair share of unicorn and pegasi, mare and stallion alike. A great majority of them represented the Equemocrat party as Ponyville has for the most part been a more liberal town.

Octavia took the time to look at each and every photo that was hung in chronological order. As she finally reached the end of the line-up, she noticed that next to a picture of the current mayor hung an empty frame where the photo of the next one was to go. After a moment of imagining herself being the next face to fill that frame, the mild mannered cellist finally reached the lobby where at the front desk sat the town secretary. She was a light green unicorn mare with a mane of an even lighter green and white mixed in with it and a cutie mark of a lyre. Octavia knew this pony as Lyra Hearthstrings and was more of an acquaintance as they had only met a few times before and knew very little about each other.

"Hello Lyra," Octavia greeted. "What's going down?"

"Oh hi!" Lyra replied. "Octavia, right? What brings you here today?"

"Well, I was wondering who I should talk to about...oh how do I put this?...Joining the election?"

"You wanna run for mayor? Holy cow, that's great!"

"Oh, well I'm not completely sure about that yet, Lyra. You see, My friends have been trying to get me to do it but I really don't know if I'm actually going through with it. I'm here to more just look into it and scope it out more than anything. Then I'll make my final decision."

"Ah okay, that's cool. I hope you do decide to give it a try though. This town needs somepony hip and fresh in this office after Mayor Mare leaves. I know I'd vote for you. Just go all the way down that hall to your right and take the second left and talk to the Mayor herself."

"Thanks, Lyra. Oh! One more question though."

"Sure, lay it on me."

"Ok so like, my friend Vinyl wants to know what kinds of things you've seen."

"Pardon?"

"You know...like when you're taking the 'stuff' and seeing the 'things' with the whack 'appendages' and junk."

"Uhhh...I don't follow."

"Okay, I'll just say it. What's the deal with those 'fingers' and 'thumbs' you claim to be seeing when you take exstacy"

As soon as Octavia finished her question, Lyra's cheerful demeanor took a complete one-eighty as she looked up at Octavia from her office chair with her eyes beginning to flood. The look she gave her was comparable to that of a young colt who had just watched his mean older brother stomp his favorite video game cartridge to pieces. Octavia knew that she had made a mistake by asking Lyra such a personal question as she quickly tried to backtrack and hopefully prevent any further waterworks.

"Th-that didn't come out right, I swear!" Octavia stuttered as Lyra's sobbing suddenly turned into rage. "I didn't mean it li-"

"Get the fuck outta my face you bitch!" Lyra screamed.

Wasting no time, Octavia booked it down the hall to avoid any further confrontation and ultimately do what she came to do in the first place. Just before She could take that second left, Lyra called out to her one last time, her bubbly tone coming back as quickly as it left.

"Maybe you, me and Vinyl can hang out so I can tell you about it sometime!" Said Lyra as she waved to the confused Octavia.

That mare is not fucking right! Octavia thought to herself.


After receiving no response from knocking on the door marked "Mayor's Office", Octavia looked around the hallway in hopes that her new friend from high places was nearby. The building was quiet enough to hear a pin drop and with nopony else in sight, the slightly disappointed Octavia felt that it would be best to just come back later. As she turned around to leave, she noticed the faint sound of two ponies conversing and it seemed like they were getting closer. The closer the voices came to the corner of the hallway, the more familiar they were starting to sound. One was a the voice of a stallion and the other a mare, the latter not sounding very pleased. Moments later, Mayor Mare with an annoyed look on her face and none other than Filthy Rich came around the corner to where Octavia was waiting."

"Don't worry about a thing, Miss Mayor." Filthy Rich said. "I'll keep this town just the way you left it...and then some, so it'll actually be better."

"Uh-huh, I'm sure you will." Mare deadpanned.

"Not that I'm saying you didn't do a swell job though, I'm just gonna spruce the place up a bi-"

"Are you going to keep schmoozing me all day or are you going to go spend the day with your filly like a good parent should?"

"What filly?"

"Your daughter!"

"Oh yeah, the little pink one. Don't worry about her. I dropped her off at school."

"It's Sunday..."

"She'll be alright mayb-"

"Octavia! It's so good to see you again! I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Thanks, Miss Mayor." Octavia replied. "So how are things with your coltfriend?"

"Ahem," Filthy Rich cleared his throat. "I was still tal-"

"Couldn't be better! We're actually planning on going out tonight. I'd love it if you and Vinyl could join us."

"That sounds great."

"Tubular! So what brings you here?"

"Well I've thought about it more and I've decided to look into signing up to run for office."

Upon Octavia's announcement, a hush suddenly fell over the three ponies in the room. Octavia just stood opposite of the other two waiting for a response. Filthy Rich looked more annoyed than anything while Mayor Mare looked over at him with a "told you so" smirk. The awkward silence continued for a moment until Flithy Rich decided to start reading Octavia with his exceptional pony skills to get to the bottom of the ordeal.

"And who exactly are you, sweetheart?" Filthy asked, attempting to turn on his charm.

"My name is Octavia, Mr. Rich. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." Octavia replied as politely and professionally as her mistrust for this stallion would allow.

"Likewise, young lady. So, you would like to run against me for the town office then, am I correct?"

"Well, I've thought about it a lot and I'd like to se-"

"That won't be necessary, dear. You see, this town needs somepony with a little more life experience. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm twenty-four but I have a degr-"

"I have twenty-two years on you, hon. Really, for you to join this race would just be a waste of time."

"Oh? And why is that? Just because of my age you think I don't know enough about how Equestrian government works?"

Octavia was now getting very irritated by Filthy's incredibly rude and smug attitude. As her anger towards the pompous stallion who stood before her grew, his demeanor became increasingly obnoxious, nearly costing him his perfect teeth.

"That's quite the bold talk coming from you, little lady. You seem to...er-maybe you should just...Ugh! I can't think with all these sirens! Let's just wait until that ambulance goes by and I'll finish this conversation!"

Outside the large open window, the three ponies could see one of the town's rusty old Sadillac Ambulances approaching, its speed quickly decreasing until it soon sputtered to a halt right before them. As Fluttershy exited the vehicle with tears in her eyes, the engine backfired, sending a thick cloud of black smoke out of the tailpipe followed by a loud thunderous bang before it finally died. Fearing for her patient in the back, Fluttershy could not help but break down in tears as she just did not know what to do.

"Um...help?" Sobbed Fluttershy as the left rear wheel fell off. "Somepony?...Please?"

"Oooh, I'd hate to be the poor bastard in that back of that thing!" Filthy chuckled as he watched the hysterical yellow pegasus desperately radio in for assistance.

To Octavia, that was simply the last straw. As level headed of a pony she is, she had to use every last bit of restraint she could muster as to not pound this stallion's face in. Her primal equine instincts nearly got the best of her as she snorted hot steam out through her nostrils.

"Miss Mayor..." Octavia growled. "Get me the paperwork..."

Without hesitation, Mare produced a sheet of paper from the front pocket of her suit and hoofed a pen over to Octavia. The paper in question was labeled "Candidates of the Ponyville Mayoral Election" and a few lines further down was Filthy's signature with a nearby space for another one to join it. Filthy nervously eyed the paperwork before leering at the other two ponies.

"I wouldn't sign that if I were you, little missy." Flithy deadpanned, his eyes narrowing. "There's no way you're gonna-hey! Don't you dare take that pen in your mouth! You'd better put that dow-nuh-uh! You lower that pen any closer to the paper and I'll make sure you don't go anywhere in politi-whoa! I swear if you sign your name on that, so help m-Oooooooh, you did not just sign that!"

"Mr. Rich..." Octavia said, the look in her eyes matching that of her rival. "You're the most obnoxious stallion I've ever met. I've met overachieving jocks in high school with more humility than you and with that lack of compassion I just saw from you, you're not fit and don't deserve this office! I'd rather eat the contents of Granny Smith's wrinkles, barf them up, stuff it all into my ears, pick it out and then snort it through a straw than watch you become mayor of this town!"

It had begun. Octavia had laid the foundation for what would be a true blue race for the office of Ponyvill's mayor. After telling Filthy Rich off, she trotted out of the building with her nose held high in the air leaving the embarrassed stallion to think about what was just said to him.


"You told him what?!" Vinyl gasped.

"You heard me, Vinyl." Octavia replied. This guy has nothing to offer this community! I don't know nor do I care what he's in this for but it's definitely not for the good of Ponyville!"

"Tavi, I'm so *sniff* fucking proud of you! Not only are you standing up for yourself, but also the whole town!"

"Thanks, Vinyl. This guy is without a doubt the biggest fake I have ever met but I just...have this feeling that this will be anything but easy. I'm going to need all the help we can get."

"Well I call dibs on bein' your campaign manager. What else should we do though?"

"Vinyl, we're going to need somepony with more smarts than me by our side. Get Twilight on the phone."