//------------------------------// // Remembering // Story: Tears of a Foal // by Rocinante //------------------------------//  - - -  Day 5 part 4 - - - Celestia waved her sister goodbye, then sat by the fire with a happy sigh. She paused a moment to smile at the busy sounds coming from the kitchen. Clover had seemed insistent on helping Merry clean up after dinner, and Merry had been happy to put him to work. Grabbing a quill and notebook, Celestia jotted down the beginnings of her to-do list for the coming week. Luna and her had put together a plan over dinner. It would take a month or two to ease into, and years to fully implement, but slowly, they would start easing more responsibility back to where it should have been all along. Celestia was letting go of her need to micromanage her nation, and with Luna’s help, they would start making their ponies more self-reliant. A stray thought crossed Celestia’s mind. Lighting her horn, she willed a letter from her study to appear before her. It was one of the first letters Twilight had sent her after the friendship reports had stopped. Twilight had written to tell her about Fluttershy’s experience with the Breezies. It wasn’t a formal report on what they had seen and learned, but just a letter from a friend, talking about interesting things. Reading the letter again, Celestia smiled at how excited Twilight sounded about the transformation spell she had learned, and the notes she had taken about the Breezie culture and homeland. The smile faded as she thought about Fluttershy and the breezies she had sheltered. Had she been doing the same thing? The sound of Clover’s hooves prompted her to send the letter back to its proper place. Clover was practically prancing as he walked into the room. With a cookie in his magic, he took occasional nibbles as he looked around the room. He almost seemed euphoric, if not a little lost. Every little aspect of the great room seemed new to him. Traipsing up to her, Clover nuzzled Celestia’s shoulder with a brief, but heartfelt, display of affection. Then chirped something before trotting off to disappear into the library.   Celestia’s ears and eyes were focused on the archway, not sure what to expect, but feeling like she should be paying attention to what he was doing. After a quiet moment, Clover returned with the picture book from a few days ago. Lying down in a mirror of her pose, he opened the book, and studied the bright picture. She watched him pore over a few pages, the panoramics absorbing him more than the still lifes. He would tilt his head and move a little, in an effort to match the camera’s angle. She could tell he wanted to see what was out of view too. Reaching out with her magic, Celestia pulled a new fiction book down from a shelf; something one of her guards had recommended. Golden Peytral loved books about grand adventures that took unwilling heroes to far away and fantastic places. They were guilty pleasures for Celestia too. For a thousand years, she had not left her palace for more than a day or two. She missed the wild oats of her youth, the adventures on the edge of creation she’d had with Luna. Opening the book, she gave Clover another glance. He was studying a picture of the Dancing Forest; the picture really did not do the place justice. Soon she’d have more time. With her friends and family’s help, she’d be able to have the freedom to take him there herself. Her heart a little lighter, and the spark of anticipation shining inside her, Celestia looked down at her book, and began the story of poor Snow Drift, and his adventure into the Shattered Lands. - - - Into the third chapter, Celestia's attention was pulled from the pages as Clover closed the picture book and stood. Humming the same happy tune he had played earlier, he took the book back to the library room. She returned her attention to the book, but left an ear pointed towards him. The sounds of Clover mulling about registered in the back of her mind, as he shifted into another tune she had never heard; this one a bit more solemn than the others he had been humming. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him examining the Hearth’s Warming tree. Flipping another page, her ear twitched. Clover’s humming had shifted into singing. Looking up, she strained to understand him, but the words were entirely foreign. This was not like the happy songs that ponies would occasionally break out in, this was nothing short of a dirge. The low tone and drawn out sounds reminded her of crying. Sitting with slumped shoulders, and wet eyes, Clover stared into the decorated tree, and sang his mournful song. She started to rush over to embrace him, but something told her to let him get it out. After a moment, tears choked the words from Clover’s throat. Celestia watched him in silence, not sure what to do. He looked up, and met her gaze; something akin to shame was in his eyes. He blinked hard once, then stared down at the floor. Celestia stood, and with a one graceful movement, sat next to Clover. She started to pull him under a wing, but he winced away. Letting her wings hang limp at her side, Celestia lay down next to him. She tried not to press him, waiting patiently for him to make the next move. It didn’t take long, after a moment, he shifted closer to her, and laid his head on her foreleg. His tears didn’t stop, but they did ease. With the edge of her wing, she petted his mane while he calmed down. After a few more ragged breaths, Clover mumbled something she couldn’t understand. He looked up at her, then sighed. He closed his eyes again, but this time in concentration. “I want family,” he said then plopped his head back down onto her foreleg. Now Celestia found her vision clouded with tears. “I am trying very hard to give you one,” she said. Looking around with her eyes, she racked her brain for something to bring back his earlier mood. Across the room, his new coat caught her eye. She smiled as an idea crossed her mind. It was a smile that did not go unnoticed by Clover, and he seemed a bit uneasy at its sight. Floating the thick coat over, she nudged Clover to stand. He obeyed lifelessly, allowing her to manipulate him as she guided the coat on and zipped it up. She admired the coat’s fit for a moment, before opening the balcony door with her magic. Clover walked outside without prompting; whether guessing what she wanted, or seeking the cold air to keep from getting hot in the coat, she wasn’t sure. Following him out onto the balcony, Celestia knelt, and stretched a wing to the ground; beckoning him to climb on her back. Clover paused a moment. She could tell he was tired, but with a second nudge, he conceded, and took his normal spot on her shoulders. He mumbled something as she stood up, it sounded like a question, but she couldn't understand it. With a touch of her magic, she pressed Clover tight against her, then flared her wings. He made a slightly more frantic sound when she stepped to the very edge of the balcony. Pausing, she twisted her neck to look back at him. “Shh... Trust me.” she said with a smile.   Looking back towards the night sky, Celestia lept into the air. Clover gripped at her neck with all his might, squealing in terror for the first few wing beats. The grip didn’t slack even after she had smoothed out her flight. She was ready to return to the ground if his panic didn’t fade, but the squeal gave way to nervous laughter within a few seconds. She could feel his head darting from one side to the other, looking at the moon-lit cityscape. Sailing away from the tower, Celestia smiled; Clover’s grip was slackening by degrees, trusting her magic to keep him safe as they glided over the city. Flapping her wings to regain some altitude, Celestia eased away from the palace and glided towards the residential terraces. The houses, big and small were lit up for the holiday, giving them a toy-like appearance from the air. Soaring over the smoky chimneys, the sweet sound of song caught her attention. With a subtle movement, she shifted their path towards the sound. Just as she expected, she found a dozen ponies standing in the snowy streets, singing carols to anypony that would listen. What did surprise her, was the number of familiar faces in the crowd. Circling once, to bleed off some speed and altitude, Celestia landed with all the grace she could next to Night Light. “Princess?!” Spike said, giving her a bow, along with the other carollers. “Spike!” Clover said from Celestia’s back. Lowering herself, Celestia let Clover slide onto the ground. She smiled to see him bound over to the young dragon, and exchange their greeting of bumping hoof to claw. “May we join you?” Celestia asked Night Light. Night Light chuckled at the question. Looking back at his friends and neighbors, he gave them a reassuring smile. “You’re more than welcome to join us,” he said with a little nod. - - - Celestia followed the group of ponies from one house to the next—singing along with them to any that would listen beneath the dim glow of the gas street lamps. Through the dark and snow, few ponies recognized her behind the other carollers. The silly hats little Morning Glory had given to the group helped too. The long, red, pointy nightcap, with its little puffball on the end, danced and bounced as she sang—going a long way to subdue the attention her mane normally garnered. It was a bit of anonymity that she enjoyed. One family hadn't noticed her till they brought hot drinks out for the carollers. She had to keep from laughing at the startled ponies when she took the offered cup with thanks, and drank it. It did her heart good, to see Clover join their harmony; trying his very best to sing along with them. He had a good ear for pitch, managing to blend in with the singing, even when he was just making nonsense sounds. It was good to see him smile again, even if he was still more reserved than he had been earlier. “Can Clover come with us tomorrow?” Celestia heard Spike ask Night Light. Looking over to Twilight’s dad, Celestia gave him a curious look. She tried to keep her expression soft, but she was curious about what Spike was talking about. “Umm…” Night Light hummed. “Spike, and some others, are going to see a play tomorrow; then hit the pizza parlor afterwards. Could Clover go with them?” Celestia blinked. The simple question had actually caught her off guard. She had planned on spending as much time as possible with Clover for the next two days, but she wouldn’t dare slow Clover’s progress in making friends. Besides, it would only be for half of the day.   “That would be…” Celestia cleared her throat, relaxing from the formal posture she had slipped into. “I’m okay with that, if you don’t mind him coming along.” “What’s one more foal?” Night Light said with a laugh. “I’ll pick him up around two, and have him home around seven; well stuffed with pizza and ice cream.“ Celestia felt like she was supposed to be worried about that, but she let the thought drift away as they walked to a new spot down the street. They had decided earlier that this spot would be the last for the night. Watching Clover walk beside her, he seemed distant; his eyes focused on some non-existing object a thousand meters away. Lowering her head, she gave him a playful nudge.   “Mom!” Clover whined, stumbling a few steps. His expression sobered the moment the word left his mouth. Stopping in his tracks, he looked up to Celestia. The expression worried her. She could see him weighing the meaning of that word. Standing still, she let the others walk ahead. “I would like it if you called me Mom,” Celestia said, not sure how much he understood. Clover seemed to understand her. With a heavy sigh, he moved closer, then leaned against her leg. He gave her a smile that was sad and whimsical at the same time, before casting his eyes back to the snow on the ground. He spoke, but she only understood the tone. He was talking about something he did not like to speak of. He talked for a good minute, never looking up from the road. Finally going quiet, he looked up at her. His eyes were glassy, but his face was stern. Lifting a hoof, he touched Celestia’s leg. “Mom,” he said, then turned the hoof to himself. It was the same gesture he had used back in the doctor’s office when she had named him Clover. Reaching out, Celestia rested her hoof on his chest. “Son,” she said. Clover only nodded to the title, nether repeating it, nor smiling. After a moment, he mumbled something in his language, before wrapping his hooves around her leg in a hug. “You I home,” he said, with his face pressed against her coat. Celestia’s vision blurred at the words. His broken sentence was clear in its meaning; home was where she was.