"Fluttershy." Rarity cooed as she trotted up to the center of the room. "Fluttershy, no offense intended, but—" With a brief, unladlylike grunt, she swiveled her hips and bucked the yellow pegasus into next year.
"Eeeeep!" Fluttershy slammed into a bookshelf, only to be drowned under a cascade of loose magazines.
"There!" Rarity slinked her way in, rubbing her cheek in a half-circle all around Rainbow's upper body. "Much bettttterrrrr..." Her heart pounded through her pale chest as she bit her lip, stifling a deep squeak from within. "Ohhhhhh youuuuu..." She stood on the very tips of her hooves and rubbed noses with the fast flier. "You silly scrumptious blue fluff goddess, youuuuu."
"Yeah... uh... it t-takes one to know one, Rare." Gulping, Rainbow wheezed over her shoulder. "Twi?! Stop this crazy thing!"
"But I don't know what's even started!" Twilight exclaimed, though her lavender features were likely flushed. "Girls! Why are you acting like this?! This is supposed to be a serious cuddle experiment! For the good of Equestria!"
"Shoot, darlin'! Let loose and live a little!" Applejack briskly trotted over and squeezed up against Rainbow's backside. "The same goes for you too, partnerrrrr." She slapped her hat over Rainbow's skull and purred up against her skull, freckles-first. "You like cider, don'tcha? How 'bout we squeeeeeze some together?"
"We can glaze some cupcakes while we're at it..." Pinkie Pie dropped from the ceiling and nuzzled Rainbow's mane while upside down. "...heeeeeeee... frosting... it's what's on the other side of the rainbowwwww!"
"Guhhh!" Rainbow's teeth chattered. "Twilight, help! I-I'm becoming a nuzzle sandwich!"
Spike pulled melodramatically from his face scales. "What has science done?!"
"Don't leave me out!" Fluttershy scampered over, shaking loose several shredded magazines. "Meanie heads!" She frowned, yanking Rainbow's forelimb out from the hug-pile and rubbing her cheek across the length of it. "I saw her first!"
"Nuh uh!" Rarity shoved against Fluttershy, shoving her face deep into Rainbow's mane. "I saw her first!"
"Yer both lyin'!" Applejack wrapped her strong limbs around Rainbow's waist. "I should know! I'm the Element of Honesty!" A drunken grin crossed her face as she lickkkkked up the bridge of Rainbow's nose. "And Waterproofin'. Yeeeeehawww—"
"We can all have her first!" Pinkie spoke—muffled—into Rainbow's mane. "And middle and last! Add the batter, then mix and pour! See?" She kissed and nibbled under Rainbow's right ear. "I'm pouring! I'm pouring right nowwww!"
"Gaaaaaah!" Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, stretching her wings against the weight of her friends. "I almost expected this at the Academy, but not here! Twilight—!"
"I... I-I...!" Twilight tugged and pulled at her friends' tails with her telekinesis, but to no avail. They only piled on Rainbow Dash tighter and tighter. "I-I can't get them off of you!"
"What the frig do I do?!"
"Fly!" Twilight yelped. "Fly far away!"
"Can do!" With a grunt, Rainbow burst off the floor. Pastel bodies flew in every direction as she made a beeline for the nearest window. "Sorry, girls. I wish I could say it's been fun, but..." Panting, she flung the window open and threw herself out. "Super-Mega-Ultra-ICKKK!"
"Nuuuu!" Rarity sobbed, reaching a hoof out. "Rainbow Dash! Come backkkk!"
"Girls!" Fluttershy yelped, her eyes pulsating like twin hearts in the center of her sockets. "She's getting away!"
"Like hay, she is!" Applejack snarled, galloping straight towards the wall. SMASSSH! "OHYEAH!" Her body made a tiny apple mare shaped hole in the side of the library. "There she is!" her voice bellowed from outside.
Just then, to Twilight's horror, she heard the yelping voices of dozens if not hundreds of other ponies all across Ponyville.
"Look! It's Rainbow Dash! She's... she's..."
"She's cute!"
"Super awesomely cute!"
"Oh My Celestia I have to hug her!"
"Nuh uh! I do!"
"Hooves off! She's mine!"
"She's mine!"
Pinkie blew on an inexplicable French Horn that she procured from mallet space and then shouted into the air. "And A-Dashing We Will Goooo!" She bounced through the Applejack-hole and threw herself into the streets of Ponyville. "Look for scared birds and mark her, team!"
"This... th-this can't be happening..." Twilight breathed.
"Uhhh..." Spike tugged on her labcoat's sleeve and pointed at the bottle. "...it's happening alright."
Twilight gasped, for the jar was glowing pink and pinker—reaching brightness levels on par with the sun. The air around it heated up, summoning an unnatural thunder that shook the library on its very foundations.
"Oh no..." Twilight bit her lip. Frantically, she dropped her clipboard and galloped straight out the tree. "Oh no oh no oh no oh no!"