//------------------------------// // The Experiment // Story: If I Could Catch Fuzz In a Bottle // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy sat patiently on their haunches like colorful kitty cats, craning their necks curiously as they looked towards the far end of the room. Under the glow of fluctuating tesla coils, Twilight Sparkle stood with her back to them. She slid one front hoof through a pale sleeve, then her opposite hoof through another. With a shrug of her shoulders, she fitted her petite self into a white labcoat. The mare levitated one pen after another, sliding each of them into a protected front vest pocket. Then, reaching out, she gestured to Spike, who dutifully handed her a clipboard with several scribbled sheets of paper. "Ahem..." Spinning about, Twilight smiled at the girls. "Thanks for coming, everypony." She squinted at the clipboard's sheets of data. "I... uh..." Clearing her throat again, she shuffled forward a bit. "...I'm sorry for being absent these last few days, I didn't mean to worry you. It's just that I've had an epiphany and it's super important that I pursue a scientific study of the material at hoof for the sake of all Equestria." The five ponies turned to look at Spike. Spike shrugged with a confused expression across his face. The five looked back at Twilight. "We... uh... we weren't worried!" Applejack said. "Were we, Rarity?" "Oh! Most certainly not!" Rarity chuckled nervously, fluffed her mane, then squinted aside at Fluttershy. "Isn't that right, Fluttershy?" "Couldn't possibly be more calm," Fluttershy said, squirming slightly. "How about you, Pinkie Pie?" "I passed a stone this weekend!" Pinkie grinned wide. "When's lunch?!" "I'm afraid lunch is going to have to wait," Twilight said. Her eyes narrowed sharply as her voice took on a rigidly serious tone. "I'm afraid that everything is going to have to wait." She tilted her chin up, frowning. "The fate of the world depends on this experiment, and I need your help." "What is it?!" Rainbow Dash stood up, dragging a hoof as she snarled. "Is Chrysalis back?! Is Discord up to his no-good-tricks again?!" She reared her forelimbs with a frown. "Just point and click, Twilight, and I'll be kicking flank in an instant!" "No, nothing quite like that," Twilight said. "Well, shoot, girl!" Applejack exclaimed, her emerald eyes bright with concern. "Spit it out already! What are we all here to help you with?" "Friends..." Twilight took a deep, deep breath, tapping her clipboard rhythmically. "It's come to my attention that cuddling is a limited commodity." Dead silence. Five pastel eyebrows raised. "Come again?" Rarity blurted. "Think about it," Twilight Sparkle said, pointing at the chalkboards behind her. "Take the total Equestrian population and divide it by the biological growth of equine chest fluffle multiplied by the square root of existential ennui—" "Uhhhhhh..." Fluttershy was already blanching. Pinkie waved two hooves. "Could you dumb it down a notch?" She blinked. "Maybe even a yogscast?" Twilight turned to face the group. "Cuddles are getting harder and harder to come by. Something must be done to save this precious resource." "Erm... Twilight, eheh..." Rarity fidgeted. "Do you even hear yourself, darling?" "Cuddles don't exactly grow in orchards," Applejack said. "And, yet, here you are talkin' about 'em as if they're somethin' you could harvest." "That's just it. Cuddles haven't been a quantifiable thing." Twilight tilted her chin up. "Until now." "Buh?" Rainbow blinked. "Over these past few days, I've been hard at work, constructing a special crystal out of pure leylines that can capture the essence of cuddles and distill it into a containable form." Twilight bore a twitching smile. "I'm very proud to proclaim that I have succeeded in such an endeavor." "Wait, Twilight..." Fluttershy's muzzle hung open. "Do you mean...?" "Yes! Not only have I constructed this crystal, but I have forged it into a dispenser. Thus, with careful application, I do believe I can be the first living pony to actually take pure unmitigated cuddles..." She stepped aside and pointed at the glass vial on its pedestal. "...and put it in a bottle." All five mares stared at the glowing blue crystal capping off the container. "And I helped!" Spike said with a proud grin. Two blinks later, and he squirmed. "Erm, well..." His guilty eyes drifted aside. "I-I made Twilight cucumber sandwiches." Twilight's teeth showed through a lavender grin. "And now I've brought you all here to give the crystal its first test!" "Test?" Applejack did a double-take. "How are we expected to test this newfangled thang?" "It's actually all very simple," Twilight Sparkle said. "I've come to the conclusion that there is an essential connection between cuddles and three essential physical components." She flipped through her sheets of paper. "Fuzz." She flipped again. "Fluffle." Flip-flip. "And Fluff." She looked up with a proud smirk. "All of which ponies contain to a T." "And you believe that there's a way for us to get what's in here..." Rarity pressed both hooves to her alabaster chest, then gestured daintily towards the bottle. "...into there?" "And that glowing doohickey you've made is supposed to do the trick?" Applejack asked. "What in the buck is the difference betwee 'Fluff' and 'Fluffle?!'" Rainbow Dash squawked. "Heehee!" Pinkie reached over to ruffle the pegasus' mane. "Oh ye of little fuzz!" Rainbow batted her hoof away. "For real! I mean it!" Rainbow frowned Twilight's way. "Have you gone completely off your rocker, Twi?" "Now now, Rainbow, Twilight hasn't led us astray before," Fluttershy said. "We all know that she's a smart pony, so let's give her the benefit of a doubt!" "Oh, alright..." Rainbow huffed, folding her forelimbs as she rolled her eyes. "I still don't see what this has to do with the 'fate of Equestria.'" Twilight leaned forward. "Haven't you ever thought about it, Rainbow?" "Pfft... no." "Why... I'm surprised at you!" Twilight exclaimed, her muzzle agape. "A pegasus as loyal as you must be capable of imagining a grim dark world where all the cuddles of ponydom have been tapped dry! I mean... where would the Wonderbolts be today if their parents never once snuggled with one another, much less approached the event horizon of consensual procreation?!" "Duaaaah!" Rarity gasped loudly, planting two hooves over her trembling muzzle. "Why, she's absolutely right!" She turned about, gawking at the other mares. "Without snuggles, my Prince Charming will be bone dry by the time I ever get a chance meet him, much less nuzzle cheeks amorously!" Fluttershy sniffled. "How will I ever again be able to snuggle Angel?" "Well, what are we waitin' for?!" Applejack stomped a hoof as she stood up straight. "Just tell us what to do, Twilight, and we'll help all we can!" "Thank you, Applejack. First thing's first." Twilight Sparkle's brow furrowed. "We're going to need a control variable..."