Whiteness again.
"I'm glad you've changed your decision," the calming voice of Harmony doesn't make me like her even in the slightest. The gods play games with the lives of mortals and they don't play fair, they play only to win.
"Don't play innocent. My decision had nothing to do with what was going to happen. I may be stupid but not THAT stupid. Using Mistake against me... that was pretty dirty though, even for you."
*Clip clop*
"Hmm?" I mumble and look down.
"WOW!" a black unicorn appears, staring in awe at me, "So that was the plan all along?"
"What, getting my hooves back?" I comment, looking at where the talons in the dream world used to be. So I'm a pony again, big whoop. Granted, one front leg is still black, presumably still as a memory of its loss, but that's nothing to fawn about.
"You don't look surprised," Harmony chuckles at Mistake's observation. Am I missing something important?
"I-I had a feeling something like that would happen. I mean he deserves it no matter what he or anypony else might say. I'm just thinking about what it means in all respects and implications."
"Still not in the picture but you don't seem to care," I grumble.
"To be frank, I underestimated him," says Harmony, "The hippogriff form was my original plan to make him more appealing to his lovers if he decided to return. Unfortunately, his special talent got in the way and I cannot purge my own power anymore. With Nightmare faded and lost and Discord behaving within limits the Pact of Harmony doesn't allow me to manifest my power in any significant way. It seems that the thief of magic will have to bear his curse despite my efforts."
"As much as I like the title could somepony tell me what the hay is going on?" I stomp the white not-ground and orange cracks spread from the place of impact, disappearing a second later.
Mistake walks straight up to me and leans his head closer. His horn touches something and the strange numbness makes me close my eyes. When I open them I'm looking at... myself.
"Oh no," I hear myself say as I start trembling.
The implications of everything that form means hit me like an ox cart.
No, I'm not a hippogriff like in the dream anymore. It's much worse.
I'm an alicorn.
On the other hoof...
...if there was something Mistake's intervention taught me it was not to focus on things that make me angry and right now, despite the slow horror freezing me on the spot, I'm SEETHING.
Thanks to the imaginary black unicorn I know what it means though. I can't do anything about it. Right now it's not in my power so I should not bother with it. I will think about it, I will solve the puzzle, and I will deal with it when I'm able to.
Focusing on myself, I dispel the link between me and Mistake and quickly stand back inside my body.
I can see the fear in Mistake's eyes. I can hear his quick breathing. I grin at his jaw dropping when I say:
"What? No singing or floating images of my past? No anything?"
The dead silence is enough of a reward for me. The knowledge that just now, for a single moment, I managed to confuse the living daylight out of a god and a part of me that always knows best.
"Come on, Mistake. Becoming an alicorn because somepony else screwed up? You've been around long enough to know that's just how things go."
"Let me send you on your journey then," says Harmony out of the blue. I get the feeling she wanted to say something completely different but what I said changed her mind, "I find you far too cynical for your age."
Get in the line.
Trying to outsmart a deity might not have been the greatest idea in the history of self-preservation decisions.
My own voice rings through my ears.
"I give up. I just want peace. They are better off without me."
Light engulfs me. Not the painful eye-burning sensation of staring at the sun but just the feeling of nothing around.
A soft and warm voice laughs and, as the bile from her judgement rises from my stomach again, Harmony says:
"Then build your peace with your own hooves."
Should I hate the goddess giving me another chance even if it is against my most sincere wish?
Once you spark the love for yourself others might find love for you as well. So... she probably means nothing bad for you.
Desert everywhere as far as the eye can see. Golden dunes offer no indication of where I am or where I should go. The sizzling air hits me like a hammer but the warmth seeping into my bones and burning the chill of the grave away is at least something to be grateful for.
*Sigh*
"Why am I not surprised in the slightest?" I roll my eyes to the blue sky with Celestia's cutie mark scorching the land.
Where?
Got nothing. We can either be somewhere in the Griffon Empire, in the desert south of Appleloosa in Equestria, lost in Zebrica, or in Saddle Arabia... or basically anywhere else where there is a huge pile of sand left lying around.
Why?
No idea. I think you made her mad.
*Siiiigh*
When?
The resurrection took at least a month and a half while you were resisting. When you decided to stop defying Harmony it was almost instant. So that's that.
Taking a deep breath, I point in a random direction-
"Thataway!"
-and start walking. There's not much to do besides it.
As I move an unexpected weight on my waist caches my attention. I might be out of shape thanks to having relied on magic way too much but I still notice these things even if my new body feels off in almost every respect.
I'm wearing a brown belt with cloth bag hanging on it which upon examination contains gold coins and a little black book.
"Did she really send me back with hundred bits?" I look at the sky in disbelief, "I completely destroy the Nightmare's access to Equus and all I get is enough gold to buy lunch at MareDonalds?"
A new body, new life-
All FORCED on me.
Then consider this. She could have left you with no money. Now you have enough bits to buy a train ticket to Canterlot and try to make things work with Crom and Chokey.
Do I really want to? As much as I understand why I should they might have already moved on.
Yes, you do want to. You might have no clue what to do with your life but the only thing you are sure of deep down is that the time with them was the best time in your life. As for the second thing, without meeting them you'll never know.
I guess.
Think of it this way - if Chokey still needs a break and Crom is free than you can ram your muzzle into his crotch and don't stop until the months since Golden Sands are just a memory.
*Pomf*
The sudden movement from my back throws me completely off balance.
"Whoawhaaa-oof, okay."
Buuut I guess that's not happening any time soon. Gotta compliment you though. As defective as you are there's nothing wrong with your imagination, you little submissive pervert.
Thank Celestia I'm flexible enough to reach with my front legs to my side and fold the damn wings one by one manually. Apparently this body and my brain aren't exactly in sync and the blasted things refuse to obey what muscles they are supposed to.
Chokey's toned butt in a thong brushing against your muzzle.
*Pomf* *Clink*
The bag of gold lands quite the distance away from me as my wing shoots back out like a spring and throws it away along with the belt.
"Cursed flames of Tartatus! Stop it, Mistake!"
Just testing. What's the plan then?
"Hmmmmm," I gather the gold coins and put them back where they belong.
The other things in the bag make me smile a little. They are a small black notebook and a pen. Both are of the cheap variety which can be bought anywhere where civilization has passed the point of a typewriter. The writing on the cover of the notebook reads:
The Journal Of SMARTASS.
As much as Harmony pissed me off she knows what makes ponies work. With just few strokes my new levitating pen scratches out the original writing and leaves a simple 'Blazing Light' in its wake. Upon a short self-reflection I add three vertical lines to the header.
I don't know. I've got even less money than when I left home. If things go well then I have no doubt Chokey or Crom will help me but if not...
Job, home, life?
I guess...
What is the problem now?
You know... a job requires skill and, the worse part, experience. It's not like I'm in a better position than I was when I ran away from home. I remember when I used to look for something simple before moving to Canterlot. Every ad was like - 'We need YOU to eat pizza and bone hot mares all day' minimum three years experience with C++ and Java.
What is that?
Dunno, something about the ocean? Brewing coffee?
How about returning to college?
'How to get out of an unknown desert, live in Canterlot for four years and gain high education with only hundred bits in your saddlebag' written by Blazing Light.
*Sigh*
The more I think about it the more I just want to stop here, curl up, and wait untill the night's cold claims me.
Think-ey bad. Do-ey good. I thought you were more determined than this.
That's the thing. The first time I ran away from my family's mansion I just wanted to get as far from home as possible. I didn't really care much what would happen to me but at least I wanted to try and see how far I would get finally on my own.
Not bad if you ask me. Over four years later and stil breathing... breathing again... something of that sort. You know what I mean.
I feel nothing like that now. I'm just, I don't know, going through the motions and hoping something good awaits me back in Canterlot.
Don't pick the shards up too fast, you might cut yourself.
Eeerm?
Don't think about your broken life as a whole. Just try a bit by bit. Seeing tomorrow without catching pneumonia might be a good first step.
And after that? Job, relationship, life, eternity... I don't know what to do!
Just think about tomorrow. If you can live another day without looking in the mirror and seeing a failure it's a victory for us.
Mistake, whatever I say or do... don't doubt for a second that I am glad you're by my side. So, we get out of this oversized sandpit, find a way to get to Canterlot with almost no money, and live happily ever after.
And we have to believe that's going to happen.
Otherwise, judging by our past experiences, we would go completely insane.
Yeah... otherwise.
My laughter goes completely unnoticed in this dead landscape.
Levitating the book and the pen in front of my face I begin scribbling.
[Blazing's Entry]
I want to say today sucked but because it's been at most twenty minutes since my return I'm pretty sure the suckage is going to continue and get worse.
So you know what? I'm calling it right now.
If all that happens today is me wandering through the desert I will believe my luck is getting better. What are the chances of that, eh?
I really don't want to think about being an alicorn but the damn emptiness all around me gives me no other option. Thank heavens for Mistake and his attempts at shifting my attention.
Eternity is terrifying...
[End Entry]