The Shameless First Person Self-Insert

by sbloom85


Chapter VIII

After spending a week in Ponyville, I found the perfect gift for Rose: an engagement ring. Inspired by my brother, I also found a music box made to look like a little Christmas tree. I figured Hearth's Warming Eve was similar to Christmas Eve, so there would probably be a party at Canterlot Castle. Rose, her father and I and probably others, maybe a few friends and coworkers would be there. I planned to pop the question then.

As soon as I set hoof back in Canterlot territory, I made my way toward the castle. I hoped that I would run into Celestia before Rose. Thankfully, I did. She was flanked by her personal aide, Raven I think her name was, and the two were walking my way. The princess saw me and gave me a solemn look. “Scott, I have some news.” We stopped in the middle of the hallway and I listened intently. “Your request to have Rose Petal and Crimson Blade watched yielded something.” I felt my heart skip a beat. “Rose Petal was in an argument with him. It was about you.”

I lowered my head. “About me?” I raised my head to look her in the eye once more. “What was it about?”

Celestia laid her foreleg on me reassuringly. “Rose Petal was concerned that Crimson Blade might be too rough on you when you two spar.” That was it? “One of my guards witnessed her strike him with a hoof.”

I shook my head and chuckled. “No matter where I go, someone is going to coddle me.” Celestia's frown deepened. “Thank you, Celestia.” I nodded and popped open my saddlebag with a wing. I was actually getting better with them. “Right. I have something I need hidden.” I pulled out the box containing the ring I had for Rose.

I turned my head back toward Celestia who grabbed the box with her magic in wide-eyed curiosity. “What's in here?” The box clicked open and her eyes expanded. “Oh, Scott! This is beautiful.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I got that ring for Rose. Hearth's Warming Eve is almost here, isn't it?”

The two mares nodded in confirmation. “Yes, next month.” Her aide said.

Perfect. “Celestia, will there be a party here that night?” She nodded. Of course there would be. Dumb question. “Okay. Could you hold on to the ring? I want it to be a surprise.”

She closed the box and gave me an excited smile. “I most certainly will. Good luck, Scott. If you're looking for Rose Petal, she is under house arrest.”

All of a sudden, an envelope appeared out of thin air and plopped to the ground face up. On it was the seal from Twilight's enchanted stamp. I picked it up and put it in my bag. “Please don't be mad with her, she's only looking out for my safety.”

She nodded understandingly. “I'm not. It was actually her idea and Crimson Blade is willing to let the incident slide. You have made some good friends, Scott.”

She laid a gentle hoof on me and her smile returned. “Thank you, Celestia.”

She spun me around and smacked my ass. “Now go see your special somepony.” Right.


I approached Rose's apartment, cleared my throat and knocked on the door a few times. It wasn't Rose who answered, but an older stallion. He gave me a thorough examination before speaking. “You're Scott.” I nodded in confirmation and he stepped back. “I'm Landscape, Rose Petal's father. Come in, she's been wanting to see you for a while.” I bet.

I unstrapped my saddle bags and set them on the coffee table. “Nice to finally meet you, sir.” I raised my foreleg, we wrapped fetlocks and we shook them.

The two of us started walking toward the bedroom. “She's been saying nothing but good things about you, Scott. About what you did for the crystal ponies. I heard about that, but I heard a strange, bipedal creature was behind it.”

I tried holding my laughter back, but I let out a quiet chuckle anyway. “I was that bipedal creature and it was just a song, it's not like I rescued them from Sombra. I also have Discord to thank for my new body.”

He smiled. “Well, as long as you're good to my little filly, you're alright with me.”

That was good news. He barely knows me and he's good with me dating his daughter. “Um... I've got something to ask.” He gave me an expectant look. “Would you be okay if I asked Rose for her hoof in marriage?” I asked in a whisper.

We abruptly stopped. His eyes widened in shock and I don't know what else. He just stood there, staring at me for what felt like an eternity. I knew the cliché of overprotective fathers and their daughters and I was prepared for a beat down. After a while, he grinned and nodded. Oh thank god. I let out a sigh of relief and chuckled. “I want to keep it a surprise.”

I knocked on the bedroom door a few times and cleared my throat. “Hey Rose, it's me.”

I heard a sniffle. “Scotty?” The door opened, her eyes were bloodshot, probably from the crying and stress. She hugged me and started crying again. “Oh, Scotty. I'm so sorry. I almost hurt Blade.”

I nuzzled her neck and stroked her back reassuringly. “Shh... it's okay, Rose. No one was hurt and no one is mad with you.”

I heard Landscape clear his throat. “I think I'll give you two a moment.”

I turned my neck to look at him. “I've got a bag of bits, dinner's on me tonight.” I looked back to Rose and stroked her mane. “Does Monterrey's do take out?” She smiled and nodded. I looked back to Landscape. “Monterrey's. Surprise us.” He nodded and walked away.


We laid on the sofa, she laid on top of me facing up and I had my forelegs wrapped around her. “How was your trip to Ponyville?”

I gave her a peck on the neck. “It was nice. The town kinda reminds me of the town I lived in before I came here.” I stifled a laugh as I remembered the Crusaders. “There were three little fillies. They called themselves the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders'. They asked if I wanted to join.”

Rose giggled. “Cutie Mark Crusaders. I don't suppose they wore red and gold capes with a pony emblem on the side.” I nodded. “I've seen that before, in Manehattan, I think. They were led by an almost golden orange earth pony.”

I chuckled. “Do you remember Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash from when we went to the Crystal Empire?” She nodded excitedly. “Their sisters formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders in Ponyville. Apple Bloom's cousin leads the Manehattan chapter and Rarity's sister insisted that Rarity made a cape for me.”

Rose tittered and looked back to me with a grin. “Did she?” I nodded. “No way.”

I pointed a hoof to my bag. “It's in there, check it out.” She levitated the bag towards us, set it on her stomach and opened every pouch looking for it. She found it neatly folded in the center pouch and she levitated it out. “Oh, Scotty. That's pretty cool. I take it you're an official member.”

I laughed. “You are laying on the leader of the Canterlot chapter.”

She wiggled, trying to dig herself deeper into me. “So what does a Crusader do?”

I shook my head. “Oh god... don't get me started on that. Bless their little hearts for trying, but they go about it all wrong. Their definition of 'crusading' pretty much involves doing doing pretty much everything else to earn their cutie marks instead of exploring what they're into. Apple Bloom, the earth pony, has a thing for chemistry.”

Rose gave me a confused look. “Chemistry?”

I shrugged. “I think you might know it as alchemy.” She nodded. “Anyway, she and her friends told me stories of her alchemical exploits. First being a love poison which they thought was a love potion, which they gave to Apple Bloom's brother and teacher. They broke the hold the poison had the two on their own.”

Rose's mouth dropped. “What? They didn't get help from the princesses?” I shook my head. “They may sound reckless, but they are quite responsible for their young age.”

I nodded in agreement. “Next up was a potion Apple Bloom concocted to help get her a cutie mark. Turned out she caught a case of the cutie pox.”

Rose roared in laughter. “That's hilarious! Be careful what you wish for, right? What else happened while you were there?”

I took a moment to think. “Well, one night a unicorn put on a pyrotechnic show.” The confusion returned. “She used magic to conjure fireworks. I love fireworks.”

She squirmed a bit and whimpered. “I don't know why, but they scare me.”

I stroked her mane more tenderly out of a growing sense of concern. “Want to tell me about this house arrest you voluntarily put yourself under? How long are you stuck here for?”

She let out a quiet whimper. “It's only for another week. To be honest...” she looked up to me with misty eyes. “It felt like an eternity without you. I don't want to see anything happen to you. Tell me a little more about Ponyville.”

I nodded. “Well, Rainbow Dash gave me a... crash course on flying, so I'm more dextrous with my wings.” I demonstrated by wrapping both wings around her.

She closed her eyes and moaned. “I can get used to this. I forgot how comfortable pegasus down was. My mother was a pegasus and she used to wrap me up exactly like this when I was a filly.”

We heard the door open and close. “Pizza's here!” Landscape shouted. I helped Rose off of the couch and we walked to the table in her nook where Landscape set the pizzas down. He opened the top box and the area was immediately filled with the aroma of fresh, delicious pizza. “Two extra large veggie supremes with four varieties of cheese. I'll get some plates.”

Rose and I took our seats as Landscaped walked toward the kitchen. I laid my right hoof on hers and smiled. “Don't worry, Rose. I promise I won't leave you. I also promise that nothing will happen to me as long as Crimson Blade is my partner, I trust him with my life.”

Rose smiled and nodded. “I'm glad to hear that. If you trust him that much, then so do I. I promise not to meddle with the two of you anymore.”

I smiled and shook my head, stifling a laugh. “I won't hold you to that.” We turned our heads to see that Landscape had returned with some plates. Alright, pizza time.


After dinner, the three of us gathered by the fireplace. I laid next to Rose and we laid across from Landscape, who shared stories of his time serving. He was in charge of trenches dug for one purpose or another: irrigation; traps; shelter. He was also Rose's former boyfriend's superior.

Apparently the spat with the griffons didn't last long, maybe seven months, about as long as the Gulf War. It was within the final days when power shifted to a more noble griffon. A griffoness, actually. A peace treaty was written and signed by both parties.

How the griffoness came to power wasn't too surprising. Apparently she had an agent infiltrate her predecessor's ranks and it took many years for the griffon to get close enough to be able to kill him without drawing suspicion. Now that was dedication.

Landscape pointed at me. “Think you could tell me something that my little filly hasn't?”

I held a hoof on my chin and thought about that question for a moment. “Well, I fell off an eight foot tall slide when I was a kid. I had the wind knocked out of me when I landed on my back and I've been afraid of heights since.” Landscape stifled a laugh. “I know, pretty ironic that I'm a pegasus.”

He nodded. “What about your family back home? Do they miss you?”

That was probably the dumbest question I ever heard. “I imagine so. I also imagine that the only ones who care are my parents, my brother and his wife.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “What about extended family? Cousins? Uncles? Aunts?”

I shook my head. “They wouldn't give a damn about me even if they were paid to. My immediate family is considered the black sheep and my dad the weakest link.”

Landscape shook his head. “That's a terrible thing to say about family. I'm sure they miss you just as much as your parents do.”

I shrugged. “You might be right, but I doubt it.”

Rose nuzzled my neck. “You need to put more faith into your family.”

Landscape nodded in agreement. “What are your people like?”

I groaned. “There are many bad apples in my species, but there have been a lot of good people throughout our history. We're capable of many things ranging from progressive things such as discovering medicine, telecommunications and space flight to destructive things such as splitting the atom.”

Landscape rubbed the back of his head. “What's an... 'atom'?”

I smiled. “The atom is the building block for everything; you, me, Rose...” I waved around. “Everything in this apartment and beyond. There is a lot of potential energy in an atom, and when that energy is released, you can say good bye to a lot of land.”

Rose swallowed. “H-how much land are we talking?”

I rolled my eyes up. “Well, it depends on the fuel and how much is used. An atom bomb the size of a saddlebag with the right compound could take out half of Ponyville.” Their ears drooped and their eyes widened. “Yeah, and we used two much bigger bombs about seventy years ago. Thankfully they weren't employed much afterward.”

Landscape's teeth chattered. “W-what about lasting damage?”

I really didn't want to go any further into this discussion. “It depends on the radioactive isotope used. The damage could range from a few years to a few billion years.”

Rose started coughing and I patted her on the back. “Billion?” I nodded. “That's horrible.”

I sighed. “Tell me about it. If one survived the blast, then you've got radiation poisoning to deal with, and that is a horrific way to die.” I could tell that they were starting to get sick. So was I. “Why don't we talk about something else?”

Landscape shuddered. “Please.”

I shifted my body to be closer to Rose. “So. Hearth's Warming Eve. Anyone got any plans?”