"I thought you promised to stay out of our store," stated Mrs. Cake as she glared at Discord. He held his hands up apologetically.
"Only during business hours, and look!" He pointed at his pocket watch, which read 5:01 p.m., and a whole bunch of other numbers complex enough to make Mr. Cake's head spin. "You're closed, aren't you? In any case, I need to see my apprentice."
By now the Ponyville rumor mill was operating at full capacity, and the Cakes knew all about what their foster daughter/junior baker/foal-sitter had been getting up to. Mr. Cake wanted to tell Discord to watch himself, while Mrs. Cake was more worried about what could happen to Pinkie. However, Pinkie Pie was a full adult with all, ok, most of the responsibility that came with it. In other words, they didn't approve, but didn't think it was their place to say anything. "She's in the back," Mr. Cake spat, "mopping the floor."
"Wow, touchy much?" drawled Discord, carefully edging around the glaring couple and making his way to the back. He reformed, he knew that much, but he couldn't figure out how to drill it into the heads of the ponies that they didn't have to hate/fear him anymore. Stubborn herd animals. As he entered the kitchen he spotted Pinkie...Pinkie... "ARE YOU CRAZY!? YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ANIMATE BROOMSTICKS!"
Pinkie fell out of step with the music, which screeched to a halt while the dancing mops that were cleaning the floor fell over with a clatter. "Why not? It's much more fun this way."
Discord groaned and face-palmed. "Because they have a tendency to multiply and flood everything. Don't do it." Pinkie pouted, but complied, and one quick pirouette later, the mops had fused back into one and been put away.
"Ok, Mr. Grumpypants, what's on the agenda for today?" Pinkie pulled out a notepad, and a pencil hovered over it, held within a blood red magical aura. "Assuming you want the Cakes to overhear?" She nodded towards the door, where the married pair were eavesdropping. Discord shook his head, smirked and snapped his fingers. They disappeared in a white flash, and landed in the park on the outskirts of town.
"Just a moment, I need to check for more unwelcome listeners." Discord scanned their surroundings with a pair of infrared goggles, then nodded to himself. "All clear. Ok Pinkie, now that you've gotten a handle on how to use your magic, I can start to teach the intricacies of Chaos. True Chaos is always changing, never repeating, and extremely beautiful if you have the eyes to see it." Discord held up a prismatic blob, one that constantly warped and glimmered.
"Being chaotic means always looking for new material, no matter how annoying it may become. You know the cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain I made?" Pinkie nodded and drooled. "I could do that again and it would be considered chaos, but it wouldn't be Chaotic, because I've done it before. Being random means being original, and being original is the hardest task you could ever ask of someone." A menu of difficulty levels popped up, and self-selected Unfair Nightmare Mode.
"That spark of unpredictability," lightning arched between his toes, "Is the true difference between a Chaos Lord, and a cheap knockoff wannabe." He held up a puppet of himself, and it said, "I make chocolate rain and checkerboard landscapes! I am a chaos master!" The real Discord snapped his fingers, and the puppet's bottom half burst into flames while the top melted into cherry syrup, which then caught fire and disappeared. "So Pinkie, today you will be random. Do something you've never done before for the rest of the day. Stretch your mind, be as weird as you possibly can! I'll be monitoring your progress." A screen depicting multiple security cameras popped up, and Pinkie saw a blue rabbit staring directly into one of them before the screen blurred to static, and it vanished.
"Can I bake super-wacky-pastries?" Pinkie asked, eyes sparkling with ideas.
"Only if that's not the only thing you do," Discord replied, grinning. "Now go out and spread some madness!"
Pinkie saluted, "Aye aye, Cap'n!" She then flipped upside-down, and started bouncing into town on her head.
"Good start, but mix it up a little more!" Discord called after her. She replied by switching from bouncing to walking on thin air, at a 42 degree angle to the sky. "Better."
"Pinkie, just the mare I wanted to seeee..." Twilight twitched, and a few hairs sprang out of place as she took a good long look at the pink mare. "Pinkie, is your torso backwards?"
"Yep!" Pinkie's head said from where her tail should be. She'd detached her torso from her legs and spun it 180 degrees. She walked into the castle, with her tail facing indoors yet still walking forwards.
Another stray hair popped up as Twilight observed her, before they all smoothed out as she inhaled and exhaled. "She's just being Pinkie." Then she realized what she'd said and clapped a hoof over her mouth, looking sheepish.
Pinkie winced internally but put on a smile for the sake of her friend. "It's ok Twilight, you're trying now, which is all I'll ask! Why did you want to see me?" As she spoke, Pinkie collapsed into a blob and reformed into her normal shape, except for the tail protruding from her forehead. "Look, I'm a unicorn!"
Twilight blanched, then giggled. "Thank you, Pinkie. Can you keep doing stuff like that? I want to take another look at your magic."
"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie replied, ice-skating on a mobius strip in the center of the entrance hall. Twilight summoned a bunch of instruments and started recording. "Great, great, just keep going." She muttered, almost to herself. Pinkie responded by waltzing into and out of wormholes with GLaDOs as a partner. When that didn't snap Twilight out of her studying trance, Pinkie upped her game, balancing on her hind legs and working through a martial arts kata that used balloons, confetti, cake, wagon wheels, Fluttershy's wings, and Spike as weapons.
Twilight didn't even blink, despite seeing her #1 assistant being tossed into the air like a pumpkin on Nightmare Night. She was too engrossed in her work. I can't believe I didn't see this before, she thought Pinkie Pie reeks of chaos, it's so strong I bet Celestia could sense it without even looking for it. And if these numbers are right... Twilight concentrated, reaching deep into her magic to try something she'd never dreamed of attempting before and-
Squealed like a filly getting tossed into a pool as she jumped so high she smacked her head on the ceiling, then sprawled in a heap on the floor. huh, tastes like sugar. Turning around to figure out who licked her ear she saw- "We've got to stop running into each other like this, Princess."
An orange Alicorn in a Royal guard uniform stood before her, grinning from ear to ear. Twilight blushed an alarming shade of pink and sputtered for a solid 19 seconds. "W-what?"
"What am I doing here?" he finished, "I'm your new prince!" he gestured to his horn. "You need security now you've come into your own as a Princess. Besides," He leaned in closer, his breath tickling her ear. "Having a Prince could have, other, perks." Twilight mouth dropped open as her brain crashed, her blush getting so big it began to deprive her mind of precious oxygen. Her wingspan was even bigger than her blush, if such a thing was possible. Flash Sentry winked, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Twilight's brain rebooted, and she realized Pinkie Pie was shaking in fits of silent laughter halfway up one of the support beams. "PINKIE!"
"Ooh,wouldyoulookatthetime,gottago!" Pinkie folded in on herself and vanished. Twilight almost exploded, but got distracted by the doorbell ringing. She went to answer, And snapped a quick, "What?" at-
"Captain Flash Sentry reporting for duty, your highness!" The newly promoted pegasus guard saluted, along with a half dozen other stallions in armor. Twilight screamed in terror and slammed the door in their faces. Panting heavily, she again failed to freak out due to an interruption, this time in the form of a letter from Princes Celestia.
My faithful Student,
As you now own your very own castle, I have decided you will need a retinue of guards for your safety. I made sure to make that stallion you like the leader. Shining Armor met Cadance as her bodyguard after all.
Good luck and be safe,
Princess Celestia
Twilight turned around, let the guards in in a trance-like state, then passed out from emotional overload. Flash picked her up and took her to her quarters. He decided he'd ask what happened when she came to.