Clueless in Equestria

by David Silver


29 - A Dark Journey

When they exited the first room, darkness descended on David's vision, then cloth was felt around his face. "I'm not running," he complained through the bag, "Is this required?"

"Yes," said Main Event. His moving was slower, being unable to see his feet, er, hooves, and having not grown used to them. After tripping for the fourth time, he felt a strong form nudge up against him and soon he was resting on a pony's back, being carried along.

He heard Cloudburst's voice by his ear, "So, tell us about your family."

"They're all alive, so far I know. My father's a retired math teacher, and my mother wears a lot of hats. She's a therapist and a midwife primarily," explained David, seeing no particular harm in speaking of people more than a world away.

"Oh that's nice," said Cloudburst, "Did you get along well? Do they know where you are?"

"My father took every conversation as an invitation to tell me how I've messed up my life or treated him terribly," replied David, "He's not a bad guy, he just can not let go of the past, at all. I love him, but I can't be with him, and that was before I ended up here."

She paused, but asked, "And your mother?"

David shrugged in the darkness, "Nice enough, but times were tough and she was very stubborn about not giving up what she had. Everything had to be her way. She preached tolerance and understanding, but rarely practiced it in her own life. A bit of a hypocrite if you asked me, which I guess you did." He sighed then, "I wonder if she was forced to move after I left..."

"Why would she be forced to move?" asked Cloudburst.

"I was covering more and more of the bills with each passing month," explained David, "Trying to scramble just to stay in the same place. If it was my choice, we could have moved away to someplace cheaper and saved a lot of money, but then there's my niece." A soft grunt, "It gets more and more complicated the deeper you go. I do hope she's stopped flailing against the tide though... but I don't know... she could be dead."

"Why would you say that?" asked a more subdued Cloudburst, "Uh, did she live in Manehattan or Canterlot? The rent there can be a bit much."

"Yeah, sure, we'll go with that," huffed out David, tired of arguing. "She was sick to varying degrees, to add to the trouble. At one point it almost looked like she would up and die, but she recovered from that. When I left, she was back to moving around and working. Heck, I went away for a while and she did alright... even if she did run up my credit card while I was away."

"Credit card?" asked Cloudburst.

The conversation simmered down and they soon arrived wherever they were going.

A new, but familiar, voice rang out, "What have you brought before the Great and Studious Professor Lulamoon?"

"Trixie?" asked David, easily recognizing the voice and the name. He was dumped to the floor for his troubles as Eclipse's voice spoke up.

"We need you to take a look at this one. He's had a bad case of magical cross-contamination and thaumaturgical tangling. Even Princess Twilight Sparkle couldn't put him right. He's stuck as this... thing, and his memory's all scrambled. Nopony deserves to be like this."

David sat up as he heard hoofsteps approaching him. "Trixie sees what you mean. He has been sorely abused with magic, but where Twilight has failed, Trixie will prove superior!" He felt her hoof on his belly, "Tell Trixie, are you in pain, strange pony?"

David shook his head, "I'm not, but I started as a human, not a pony." He rose his hands, wriggling them blindly, "I like having fingers. Also, I'm a bit of a fan of your work."

Trixie seemed to recoil, "Really? Trixie means, of course! Many ponies from all over Equestria are fans of Trixie." She stepped away, clip clopping, "You are correct, he seems delirious, even if he has excellent taste. Have no fear! Trixie will fix him!"

David opted for a gamble, "Miss Trixie?"

"Yes?" came her voice as she approached him again.

"Before you do any serious magic, may I see your pretty purple eyes?" he asked hopefully.

There was a quiet moment before the cloth bag was pulled off David's head. "Of course you can." She smiled up at him. She really did have pretty purple eyes. "Now then, begone." She directed that last at the trio of ponies that had brought him in. "Trixie will need complete concentration and will have to do research beside. Unlike that slapdash Twilight Sparkle, Trixie will make sure she gets it right the first time."

The others looked hesitant, but began to move for the door. Cloudburst zipped up in front of David, "When you're fixed, call me." She dropped a business card in his lap, winked, and fluttered off with her friends.

When they were all gone, Trixie trotted back to David and looked down at the card, then up at him, "Tell Trixie the truth."

"Which part?" asked David, "My coming to Equestria, Lyra turning me into a pony for a while, being abducted by an angry mob of ponies?"

Trixie softly snorted, "Lyra? Lyra Heartstrings? Somehow this is fitting of what Trixie knows of her." She reached up and pushed against David's chest, lying him down, "Trixie believes you. You lack several vital signs of a pony, and have a few that Trixie does not recognize. Your abductors should already be arrested."

"Uh, that fast?" asked David.

"A message was sent out to look for you and those that took you," explained Trixie as she circled him. "They were to be arrested."

"I thought you were working for them," confessed David.

Trixie laughed haughtily, "The Great and Deceptive Trixie is quite good at acting, is she not? Now that you are in the care of a true magician, you have nothing to fear. First, Trixie needs to examine you." With her light magenta magic, Trixie tugged David's already loose pants free and set them aside. "While Trixie believes your story, you are a mess. Trixie was not lying when she said that."

David tried to sit up, but magenta magic gently pushed him down flat, "You're not going to make me into a pony, are you?"

"Is that what you want?" asked Trixie, "Trixie has just earned the grade needed to legally perform that spell."

"So... you're studying magic now?" asked David, glancing around the room and seeing bookshelves filled to the brim. "You look like you're doing better, you know, after that whole amulet thing."

Trixie frowned, "What? You were not in Ponyville. How do you know of this?" Her horn flashed and something internally was tugged with a flash of discomfort inside of David, "How do you know? Tell Trixie and she will be merciful."

David wriggled a hoof in a flinch at the sensation, "I'm from another world, remember? I didn't mean any offense."

Trixie huffed, "Trixie has worked very hard to move past that... incident. Do you not trust Trixie?"

"I do," assured David, "Seriously. I think you're a good pony, and a good magician. Heck, I think the ponies were way too mean to you when you first showed up in Ponyville. Smashing your house and laughing when you ran away hardly seemed the right thing to do."

Trixie scowled, "Trixie does not like to think about that..." She tilted her head, "But you agree with Trixie?"

David shrugged, "It's the job of a show... mare? to be loud and exciting, and you were. That's stupid to get angry about."

Trixie bobbed her head, "Yes! That is exactly what Trixie thought." She trotted around David once in a slow circling, "Now let us begin. Trixie must study you carefully."

Trixie unleashed a new spell and the room began to glow with countless neon lines of different colors. Most of the room had neatly arranged lines that ran along the edges and sides of things in nice orderly ways. Trixie herself was more complex, but still there was a pattern of spirals and grids through her equine body. No matter how complicated it got, it was all neatly patterned. Trixie held up a mirror in her magic for David to see himself. His lines all jumbled across each other like they were drawn by an infant. There were many tangles, and even some lines that were clearly torn or stretched tight. It was worst where his human half ran into his pony half. Where a cutie mark should be, lines slumbered just beneath the flesh, a dull grey in color.

"It is amazing you are alive," said Trixie, "Doesn't it hurt?"

David shrugged, "No more than usual. I'm used to a certain amount of aches and pains."

Trixie shook her head, "Unacceptable." She raised a brow, "Are you aware you couldn't even have... whatever you call foals?"

David raised a brow, "There was little chance of that before, but what do you mean?"

Trixie snorted, "It's not obvious? You're pony down there." She flicked the mirror back to its resting place on a desk. "It would be charmingly romantic if you were married to a pony, but as it is, it's just sad."

"Actually..." started David.

Trixie held up a hoof. "Trixie does not want to hear of your love life." She paused and looked him over again, "Which you don't have. What were you going to say?"

David looked a bit flustered, "Uh, well, Lyra and Bon Bon--"

"Who?" demanded Trixie.

"Bon Bon? Sweetie Drops?" tried David.

Trixie nodded, "Sweetie Drops, do go on."

"They want me as their stallion," said David uncertainly.

Trixie opened her mouth, then closed it, and frowned, "It is Lyra Heartstring's fault you became a pony, is it not?"

"Yes."

"It is then her fault," said Trixie, "that you are still half pony, is it not?"

"Yes?"

Trixie stomped a hoof, "You are being tricked, stupid foal. She tweaked you, on purpose or unconsciously. Your pony half cannot help but find her appealing. Trixie is disgusted." She stomped again, then settled down, "Trixie would bet her own hat that Lyra's scent is a perfect match for your nose."

David raised a brow, "So ponies do have pheromones? The jury's still out on if humans can smell good enough to be affected."

Trixie waved a hoof, "Of course we do." She fetched the mirror in her magic and highlighted one of the many lines in David, "Look here. It goes right from your nose, to your..." She gestured lower. "You are being duped."

David wasn't certain how to feel. Should he be angry? "Can we tell if she even did it on purpose?"

Trixie shrugged, "That is beyond Trixie's vast and amazing abilities. You will have to ask her. But first, Trixie should fix you. You are a... whatever you are."

"Human," provided David.

"Yes, human. You should not be attracted to mares," reasoned Trixie.

"I'm half pony," noted David, feeling weird, "Is it... entirely bad?"

Trixie looked baffled, "Do you want to lust after mares?"

"I don't even know anymore," sighed out David, "This is all getting confusing."

Trixie sat down beside his head as a hoof moved to point at him, hovering just over his nose, "You have a choice to make."