//------------------------------// // Barring a Fight // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// "No hard feelings, featherling," a bar patron said, trotting up and smirking into Donut Joe's face. "We all think it's snazzy how your beloved Blue Jay sticks it to the Mare. But, let's face it, you're on the losing side." Several other stallions chuckled as he said, "And we know a good jackpot when we see it." "Grrrr..." Donut Joe thrashed and struggled in the other stallions' grasp. "If I only had my horn, I'd totally—" WHAM! A hoof flew across his face, and he spat blood. "Hah! Horn?!" The doppelganger of Filthy Rich rubbed his forelimb after punching him. "Only Shindig and her sons can use magic, you stupid oats huffer!" He turned to chuckle over his shoulders at the other ponies. "Get a load of this guy! Heh! Guess once you're part of the Blue Jay's flock, you start to believe you're invincible!" "Mmmmfff..." Donut Joe gnashed his teeth behind a welted face. "Buncha crazy mooks. All of you." He spat. "Your whole world is a dream of make-believe. Let's see you smiling and laughing when you all cease to exist." "Ohhhhhhh... tough guy!" The doppelganger leaned in again. "Let's see how philosophical you get without your teeth." He raised his hoof to strike Donut again. Whap! A blue forelimb held him in place. Filthy Rich looked over, eyes squinting. "Look, lady, if I wanted a flank dance, I'd have paid you already—" Rainbow twirled, tripped the stallion, then bucked his falling body in the side. WHUD! Filthy Rich bounced off a table, crashed glass mugs everywhere, and smashed into a piano across the way. Ivory keys fell around his collapsed, groaning body. Meanwhile, several gasping patrons stood up, glaring Rainbow's way. "... ... ..." Eyes icy, Rainbow peered around to face the stallions gathered around Donut Joe. "Let him go, and I might think twice about painting the walls of this place with your saliva." "Lady..." One stallion cracked his neck and trotted forward. "You sure picked the wrong alleyway to trounce down—" WHUMP! Rainbow Dash rushed forward, headbutting him in the chest. She uppercutted, grabbed his body, and flung it into a gruop of stallions. One stallion rushed in, swinging for Rainbow Dash. She ducked, and his hoof caught a swath of her cloak, stripping her. The mare's leather-and-metal wings extended in open view of everypony, summoning gasps from every end of the saloon. "The Blue Jay!" A collapsed stallion sputtered. "It's... it's really her!" Donut Joe squinted. "...Rainbow Dash?" "Joe..." Rainbow looked every which way. She found a stack of plates on the bar counter and knocked one platter loose, tossing it into Donut's grasp. "How's your 'video game warrior' muscle memory?" "Uhm... still fresh, I suppose—" "Good!" Rainbow charged forward. "Use it!" She plowed into a group of drunken patrons before they could swing their hooves at her. With wings spread, she tripped several stallions to the ground and knocked more through crashing tables. "Ah jeez!" Donut Joe winced. He saw a stallion rushing his way, and he flung the plate expertly into the wincing assailant's face. As the saloon exploded into a violent melee all around him, he stripped the plates off the counter, one by one, and began flinging them at random, ricocheting them off the skulls of various patrons. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash slid, bounced, and cartwheeled through the crowd, incapacitating as many stallions as she could with a flurry of pegasus attacks. At one point, two stallions grabbed her from behind. One yelped as a platter bounced off his skull. Rainbow flew his weight off, twirled, and bucked the second through the tavern window. As a few more charged, she jumped high, grabbed a hanging light fixture, swung, and glided into another group, plowing them to the floor. "Hah!" Donut Joe grinned, knocking more and more skulls together with his tossed plates. "Hah! Take that! And that! Hahahah!" He grinned wide. "I think I'm actually getting the hang of this!" Ch-Chtung! The bartender suddenly marched around the corner, standing on her rear hooves as she held an enormous metal gatling gun in her front limbs. "Okay... I've had about all I can take of you losers!" she barked in Pinkie Pie's voice. The barrel began whirring. "If this damn establishment's gonna get wasted again, it'll be on all your corpses!" "Uhhhhhhh..." Donut stammered. "Rainbow?! Or... Blue Jay?!" Rainbow spun around. Her ruby eyes widened. She back-punched a thug, glided across the saloon, and yanked Donut Joe off his hooves. "Whoah—!" Donut yelped as Rainbow flung the two of them out a shattered window. RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT! Patrons shrieked and galloped for their lives as a thousand potholes filled the floor and walls of the place. Bullets ricocheted and sparks flew. Several of the projectiles even entered the street as stallions and mares ran for their lives. Rainbow scurried down the dark alleyway, tugging Donut Joe with her as they made for a distant side-street. Meanwhile the bartender hobbled out, holding her gun. "And don't come back until you can pay for your tabs!" She spat at the cobblestone floor, sighed, then twirled around. "Mmmmffgh... Shindig help me... I should have moved into a giant city underwater..." At last, Rainbow Dash and Donut Joe skidded to a stop, hiding between two massive apartment complexes. The sounds of large whirring propellors and steam vents echoed down the thin slits between buildings. As the ponies gathered there breaths, it was Donut Joe who spoke first. "Rainbow Dash... I'm so glad to see you..." "Yeah, well..." Rainbow gulped and panted. "I wish it could have been more awesome circumstances. "You kidding?" Donut Joe wheezed. "That's about as spectacular a rescue as any pony could have pulled!" "Except that I'm not quite my spectacular self!" Rainbow Dash pointed at her back. "See?" She spread the fake wings extending from her corset and tucked some hairs in beneath her leather helmet. "It feels like I'm in a straight jacket trying to do gymnastics." "You too, eh?" Joe blinked, running a hoof over his naked brow. "I'm telling you—I'm no fan of what this dream has done to me. Never thought I'd end up a worthless earth pony." "Hey." Rainbow frowned. "Watch it." "Pfft? What?" Donut Joe smirked. "Somepony have dirt fever?" Rainbow merely glared. Joe gulped. "Still... in any case... thanks for helping me out. For realz." He rubbed his cheek, spotting the blood still leaking onto his hoof. "I... I didn't know that this dreamworld place could hurt us like this." "That's because it's not our dreamworld," Rainbow grunted, squinting down the narrow alleyway. She spotted nothing but a sliver of sunlight and clouds in the distance. "This was all conjured up by Serenity Shindig... or her sons... or all three of them." "So, like, we're in their brain prison or something?" "I guess," Rainbow muttered. "Whatever the case, it's made us powerless. Well.. relatively." She looked over at him. "Have you seen the others?" "What? You mean like Mulia, Gustave, and your pegasus pal?" Rainbow gulped. "Or Epcot?" "Is that what the little ball girl is called?" "Well? Have you seen her?" Rainbow blinked. "Or the others?" Donut Joe shook his head. "Sorry, Rainbow. I woke up in this library place. And the moment I showed my face, everypony kept claiming I was a 'featherling bandit, loyal to Blue Jay.'" He smirked. "Who'd a thunk it! It's you!" "I'm not the Blue Jay," Rainbow muttered. "Well, ain't you?" Donut pointed at her wings. "You've got the glider thingies! And your mug is on every poster across town—" "What I mean, Joe, is that I just got here too!" Rainbow grumbled. "I haven't done any of the Blue Jay stuff!" She sighed, eyes narrowing. "I think the dream recognizes us as foreign bodies, so it's having us occupy the roles of bad guys." "Well... pffft... in a place this rotten, doesn't that make us 'good guys?'" "Whatever," Rainbow sighed. "All I know is, everything about this place is dangerous and made up." She gulped. "Except for Applejack." "Huh? You mean that friend of yours you and Stu have been looking for?" "She's the Cider Princess," Rainbow said. "And her Coronation is in two days." "What the hay does that mean for her and us?" "I don't know." Rainbow gripped her jaw tight and trotted forward. "But somehow, I think we have to stop it. Cuz it can't be good." "And how do we expect to do that?!" Joe sputtered, shuffling after the mare. "First thing's first," Rainbow said, brow furrowed. "We find the others..."