//------------------------------// // Chapter 59: Before The End... Cupcakes! // Story: Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “I… can’t believe it.” Discord hugged the computer screen close to his face, eyeballs positively squished right against the screen. “The ratings have tripled! We’re beating Oprah by a longshot now! Wait, no, not even that! This is simply unprecedented! At this rate, we’ll be beating Fox News in the contest as the greatest comedy show in the multiverse!” Discord squealed in childish glee to himself, kicking up his feet while he leaned back in his swivel chair. Before him were hundreds of tv monitors, all displaying feeds from the multiple hidden cameras throughout the castle. Most of them seemed to be focused on Celestia and Luna’s showers, but a good number were recording the videos of vampires being mutilated left and right. “I can’t believe I didn’t come up with this sooner. A double horrorfest of blood and romance!” Discord said, snuggly dusting off his shoulder. “Quite brilliant, if I do say so myself. The 13-18 year old male crowd gets lesbians, the 16-25 female crowd gets vampires, and then the 19-848473676648473 crowd gets both at the same time! It’s hitting all the bases so well that I’m practically hitting a homerun with every second of video!” Discord rubbed his claws together and stared at the video feed, where he just caught sight of Celestia decapitating a vampire whose head was then punted to Rayne to tear apart. “Oooh, scantily clad hot-hot-hotties! The 14 year old horny boys crowd is gonna love this!” Discord said. Seconds later Rayne was splattered in blood, which given her outfit matched perfectly, and she couldn’t help but lick off most of the mess herself… while still decapitating foes. Celestia had to do a double take, while Discord just clapped his claws together. “Oooh, truly a match-made it bloody hell, eh Celestia? Keep it up with this fanged bimbo and the ratings are gonna net me more dough than I know what to do with.” Discord skipped a beat. “Wait… why do I want money again?” When this question popped into his mind, immediately with it a cupcake appeared out of thin air. Double chocolate caramel, his favorite. Shrugging, Discord snatched the cupcake and popped it in his mouth. “Eh, whatever. As long as the ratings roll in, I’m happy. And with the grand finale, it’s sure to be a blowout!” Discord swiveled in his chair to check the largest of the monitors. One that was centered on the gardens outside, all of which was teeming with every blood-sucking, vein-tearing, artery-unclogging vampire from every dimension, universe, and cheap comic book you could think of. And directly in the center was a throne fit for some demonic, dark prince of… darkness (and apparently redundancy). “He certainly knows how to be overly dramatic,” Discord muttered. “Sheesh, and the throne is made out of skulls, too? Where do they find these people?” Sighing, Discord leaned back in his seat and shrugged. “Eh, screw it. He’s pulling the shots here for the grand finale, so not much I can do to change it.” Glancing at another monitor, Discord noticed the trio of Luna, Nameless, and Morte fighting a path right threw an incredibly weak and wimpy vampire horde. At the rate the group was traveling, they’d reach the gardens at any minute, just in time to intercept Celestia and Rayne. Discord tutted under his breath. “My, oh my, how terribly inconvenient.” Flipping over a glass case on the control panel, Discord punched the big red button, which in turn opened up to reveal a much smaller green button, which he pressed to reveal a panel that contained a switch, which he finally switched on. “I think I’ll call just a few of the shots for now.” Discord chuckled to himself while his devious action went into effect. A monster so terrifying that none of the trio had any chance at defeating it. Hell, not even he had a chance against such a vampiric abomination. It could probably take care of Mr. Pretty on his throne, but Discord didn’t want to press his luck. Not yet… Especially when another one of his monitors alerted him of the competition that had just arrived. “I gotta admit, you have some guts,” Discord said to the computer monitor that was focused on the vampire throne. “Getting all these vampires here just to throw as much mayhem and trouble as possible. All for one potential bride, too. Purely anarchic and downright crazy. So crazy it could just work, actually. Well, except, of course, for the unexpected surprise.” The monitor right beside it showed an individual walking down the abandoned halls of the castle, en route to the gardens. He was shrouded completely in the blackness of light, the only signs of his existence the sinister glowing of his red eyes. Behind his wake he left on dreary dullness and downright despair hanging on the edge of his heels. He was without a doubt one of the most chilling individuals Discord had ever met, and that was just through a tv monitor. Luckily for him, he’ll never have to meet the real life version, unlike Celestia and company. “I knew private messaging him on the website would be a brilliant idea. Just more added drama for the biggest vampire smackdown for this century and any other!” Discord laughed to himself, tugging lightly at his beard. “And with more drama, more ratings! And with more ratings, more money! And with more money… more money…” Discord blinked, only for a cupcake to fill his vision instead of that pressing thought on the tip of his tongue he was about to speak aloud. However, before he could dwell further, he noticed the cupcake had printed in sprinkles on its top ‘Mo Money Mo Problems.’ “Damn, if that isn’t the truth of what.” Discord practically inhaled his sugary sweet and sighed in content. “Ah, cupcake, you truly understand me.”