Clueless in Equestria

by David Silver


26 - Manehattan BipedCON Day 2, Lunch

David folded shut the rulebook he brought with him and collected the miniatures he had used for the game, along with the play mat they were resting on. Though most of the players had vacated, the minotaur still lurked, as well as Lyra and Bon Bon.

"That was an interesting game," spoke the minotaur. When David wasn't busy gathering things, he found himself face to face with the meaty hand of the minotaur, "I'm Steel Resolve. Your style is interesting, to speak lightly."

David quirked a brow, thinking on how similar Steel Resolve and Iron Will were. Maybe that's how minotaurs named themselves? "Nice to meet you. I'm David Silver." He met the hand with a hand, and discovered that minotaurs had a firm grip. He tried to match it as best he could, though handshakes were never his specialty. The awkward exchange soon passed, "You did good, even if the damage got to be a bit much."

Steel snorted, the ring in his nose jumping from the motion, "There's only so much a stout warrior can handle. Your descriptions, were you a soldier in your homeland?"

David shook his head, "Oh god no. I hope I never am. I've never been in a fight that I won."

Steel looked confused, "Truly? You speak as if you had seen the visceral horror of the battlefield first hand. I should be going, but thank you for the experience."

Steel Resolve excused himself and vanished into the crowd as Rough Draft joined the others around the table. "You did great, Dave! The ponies were hanging off each word." He pulled out a book full of scribbles, "I'm getting orders even without books!"

David held up a hand, "Come on, I wasn't that good."

Lyra laughed from where she sat, "Not that good he says! I never felt so threatened in all of my life!"

Bon Bon nodded softly, "You could paint a picture, with your words and your gestures, even your intonation, but mostly..." She wobbled a hoof, "So violent. Would you... ever do any of that? The thought of some of it still has me queasy."

David shook his head quickly, "Hell no. I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, especially not at my hands."

Lyra hopped down and was soon nuzzling a hand, "Did you watch other humans do it? Less nice humans?"

David's hand wrapped around Lyra's snout and began petting and scratching her gently, "Violence is a common pastime where I'm from, not directly, but make believe. We have a lot of games were people get hurt in all sorts of ways. It's very against the law to attack someone for real, outside of very regulated arena fights."

Rough tilted his head, one ear going up, "Curious. Is that an aspect of your... ethnicity you called it?"

David shook his head, "Nah, pretty commonly spread across the colors, as it were. There are plenty of not-violent games too, but once you've seen it, it tends to stick, and we had our own kind of magic that let you see it, with better fidelity every year."

Bon Bon frowned, "Why would anypony want to see somepony die? That sounds awful..."

David reigned in his enthusiasm as he felt his companions react poorly, "Uh, yea... Well, really, I would never do that kind of thing for real. I don't want to hurt anybody."

Rough bobbed his head quickly, "Right. It's not against the law to make believe." He poked David in a furry knee, "Not that I would want you imagining hurting me."

"Never!" blurted David defensively even as a few horrible images sprung to mind against his will. He shoved them aside as he went down to a knee and pulled Rough in for a hug, squeezing him.

Lyra reared up and went in for the piece of the action, joining the group hug. Soon Bon Bon had joined as well. A soft rumble caught sensitive ears and they all pulled their heads back to look at David. "It's time to feed our human," said Lyra with a grin.

With everything gathered and packed away into Rough Draft's pouch, they moved to exit the convention hall. They walked as a cohesive group, nudging through the crowd easily on their way out of the hotel. A few ponies gave enthusiastic greetings and waves as they went, directed at Rough Draft or David, but the group wasn't stopped and soon escaped onto the streets of Manehattan.

Bon Bon looked around before turning to the group, "I know a place I've been waiting to go to. Lyra always overrules me, because she can't resist going to biped places while she's in town, but maybe..." She looked at the two new members, who could perhaps soon join her family, "We could try something new?"

Lyra's ears wilted, "I didn't know it meant that much to you, Sweetie. We'll try your place out."

Bon Bon smooched Lyra's cheeks, one after the other, "Follow me." She turned and walked away, leaving the other three to trail along after her.

They arrived at a small eatery that looked very Japanese to David, though a sign announced that, no, it was Neighponese. Of course. David chuckled to himself as they walked inside to the scent of freshly brewing green tea. An earth pony moved up to them with delicate steps. Her hair was done up in a bun with a pin through it and she wore an adorable little robe. She even had very almond like eyes and looked all the part for a Japanese pony. When she spoke, it had the accent David was expecting, "Welcome! Are you all together?"

She took a handful of menus in her jaw and led the group to a booth. David let his pony companions go first. They hopped up onto the curved and soft bench and laid down on their bellies, then David scootched in. The table was a bit low, and pressed against his knee, but it was bearable. Soft Asian music played from somewhere, adding to the ambiance.

The smiling waiter set down a menu before each of them then left just long enough to return with a tray of cups and a heavy looking kettle of tea. "It hasn't stopped impressing me how much a pony can hold up with just their jaws," commented David as she set about placing the cups before each diner and pouring the hot green tea into each cup.

Bon Bon nodded softly, "Pegasi and earth ponies get a lot of practice by the time they're stallions or mares. Unicorns can get away with using their horns for a lot of it." She brought her hooves together, picking up the cup in her hooves to sip from it, "Mmm, it has a lovely nutty taste."

David took a sip from his own. It tasted mostly the same as Earth green tea, though there was something about it. Maybe less pollutants? "Very nice. What do you think, Rough?"

Rough leaned in, putting his snout up to the clay mug instead of picking it up. After a quick sip, he nodded, "S'good!" He flipped the menu open with his hooves, sipping while browsing the selection.

Lyra, being the unicorn she was, had the menu in one mental grip and the tea in another. David took notice of this and asked without thinking, "So Lyra has the weakest jaws?"

Lyra spit up some of the tea she was drinking, "Hey! I mean... I guess?"

Bon Bon retrieved a napkin and set to cleaning the table, and then Lyra's face, though since the napkin was held in her mouth, this was an excuse for nuzzles. She set the napkin aside, "No shame in the truth, not that jaw strength is much of a contest."

"It can be," said Rough Draft, "I think there's a league for it. Never went to it myself."

Visions of ponies hauling huge weights along with their teeth filled David's head as he snickered and looked over his own menu. Avoiding things that had obvious flowers or hay in their description, he went for an old favorite,"I'll take the ramen with salmon and egg. They must have griffon customers."

Bon Bon shook her head, "Actually, Neighponese ponies enjoy fish and supplement many of their meals with it. I bet griffons do come here a lot though." She pointed across the way, where a griffon was clearly enjoying his or herself (Looked like a female? David wasn't one hundred percent sure) with a plate full of sushi that was being rapidly decimated under the birdcat's attention.

Lyra pointed with a hoof at the menu, "I'll have this, it looks yummy."

Bon Bon leaned over to see what was being pointed at. "Lyra, hon, I think you should pick something else."

"What's wrong with this?" asked Lyra, confused.

"Imagine," said Bon Bon, "your mouth was set on fire by your sorcerer and your lips were held shut. Pick something else."

Lyra went a bit pale at the mental image and shook her head quickly, "I'll have what David's having!"

Rough selected a plate of fried vegetables, and the waitresspony collected everyone's menus, bowed, and moved off to deliver the order to the kitchen.

They relaxed with their tea and soaked in the ambiance. Lyra smiled at Bon Bon, "Thanks for taking us here. It's really nice."

Rough and David agreed with nods and yeas as Bon Bon looked pleased with herself, "Wait until you taste the food! I heard it's just divine."

A pegasus in a similar robe to the waitresspony approached them, hovering in the air. She bowed low as she flicked out fans that seemed to have been attached to her hooves. Without hesitation she began an aerial dance, the fans fluttering in a provocative display of agility that matched the suddenly more energetic music playing. Using her wings to enhance the performance, she spun, flipped, and bent in impressive ways that had all four staring at her with undivided attention. As the song came into a slow finish, the airborne dancer came to the ground, landing just as the final note hit, her fans spread out as wide as her wings and her head almost touching the ground.

Rough began clapping his hooves together enthusiastically, met shortly with the others. The performer gave a shy smile and withdrew without a word, leaving them to discuss.

Rough bobbed his head almost roughly, "That was something else."

Bon Bon was still clopping her hooves gently, "I've never seen a traditional Neighponese fan dance before."

Lyra tilted her head, looking curious, "I wonder what a unicorn version of that would be like?"

"If you did it, it would be adorable," said David with a smirk, bringing a bright blush to the mint green cheeks of Lyra.

The food arrived shortly thereafter. Though Lyra was not used to the taste of fish, she soldiered through it, one eye on David who ate it easily and greedily.

Bon Bon and Rough Draft clearly enjoyed their meals as well, and soon it was nothing but a warm and delicious memory settling into their bellies. When the check arrived, Bon Bon moved to pick it up only to have Rough set his own hoof on it. "I couldn't dream of it," he insisted, "This whole weekend... it's been one big gift to me, financially and otherwise."

Bon Bon tugged the receipt gently, "I'm courting you, you big oaf, let me pay." Sheepishly, Rough released the receipt and Bon Bon produced the bits needed to pay for the meal, with a little extra for a tip.

David watched the exchange curiously, "Huh, where I'm from the guy is expected to cover."

Lyra snickered, "Imagine that! There are less stallions than mares, so mares are expected to go the extra distance." She shrugged, "Just the way it always has been." She locked eyes with David, "Were you hoping to pay?"

David sheepishly shook his head, "I don't have money to pay with... I'm still mooching on Rough."

Rough guffawed and nudged David in the ribs with a hoof, "You've already brought in more money than I've spent on you a few times over, so stop looking guilty. Besides, we're friends. Friends do that."

With that settled, they shuffled free of their seats and moved out. The convention wasn't over yet.