//------------------------------// // Mustachio // Story: Poniocracy Side Stories // by sunnypack //------------------------------// Chapter 1: Mustachio “Behold, I am the mad mustachio!” David cried as he leapt from one side stair to the next. He flourished with cape and walking cane, swivelling the stick in his finger and twisting the ends of his facial hair while cackling maniacally. Twilight stumbled down into the central chamber of the library. Her bleary eyes trained on the prancing human. She glanced at the window and dimly noted that the sun had yet to rise. “David. Get down from there. This is a public library.” “That practically nobody visits. Let me have my fun.” “It’s way too early for me to deal with this. Can you be sensible for once, and let everypony get their proper sleep?” Spike appeared, dressed similarly. He started to cackle, but a hoof shot out and clamped over his mouth. “Not you too, Spike! Why do you like moustaches so much, anyway?” David shook his head slowly. “Twilight, Twilight, Twilight,” he muttered in a tone that reminded Twilight of the same tone teachers usually took for a recalcitrant foal. Or perhaps one that had learning difficulties and were trying the patience of said teacher. “Do you not know the power a moustache can invoke in mere mortals? It can control anything if used properly. Don’t underestimate the moustache!” David spun around with his cape but rather spoiled the effect by slipping off the staircase and tumbled down the last few steps in a heap of heavy silk fabric and hard walking canes. Twilight gaped as she registered the amount of canes tumbling to the ground. Wait, how did he get so many walking canes? There were like, ten of them! The silence following his disastrous attempt to sell the idea was broken only by Twilight’s hoof coming down softly on the wooden floorboards of the library. “I’m sorry,” she finally stated. “The sheer ridiculousness of what you just said robbed me of the ability to speak for a while.” David rose so quickly from the ground that Twilight stumbled back a few steps. “Aren’t you hurt?” she asked. “’Tis merely a flesh wound,” David replied dismissively. “Behold! I will demonstrate the power of the moustache on the next three ponies to walk through the door of your library!” With an extravagant flourish, David gestured at the door. Twilight didn’t really know what to expect, but somehow nothing happening should have been predictable. “David…” “Wait!” he declared. “I have not invoked the power of the mighty mustachio moustache!” He hummed a discordant tune and a gentle glow seemed to fill the room. Twilight probably would have been more overawed if she didn’t know that the sun was rising in the background. “While I’m moderately impressed that you’ve managed to find the one part of the room that is lit up like that, I just—” Twilight broke off as David glanced behind her. She followed his gaze to  Spike, but he had disappeared. “—Spike? Ugh, never mind.” A polite knock on the door saved David from Twilight speaking any further about the matter. “Be warned,” David intoned. “The next pony to walk through that door will undoubtedly feel the power of the mustachio moustache magic!” Twilight rolled her eyes and opened the door with a flash of her horn. “Just behave,” she muttered crossly and then turned around to greet the visitor. Her jaw dropped. “P-Princess,” Twilight stammered and then jolted into a bow. Celestia bowed her head in acknowledgement, smiling demurely at her student. “Ah, Twilight, I was passing overhead and then I suddenly got the compulsion to stop by,” she said, her gaze sweeping across the room. “David! A pleasant greeting to you.” David swept up his cloak and darted across the room—whilst deftly avoiding the numerous scattered canes—and gave a florid bow to the Princess. “Your Highness,” he greeted with deference. Twilight wryly noted that his voice has changed to affect a high society Canterlot accent. “Twilight has expressed her doubts as to the veracity of my claim that the moustache I currently possess—“ he twirled the end with a finger “—contains undeniable power over all things within this plane of existence.” He picked up another cane from within his cloak. Where does he keep all those canes?!  Twilight screamed internally. Celestia’s mouth quirked in a slight smile. “Why David, you must be mistaken a moustache couldn’t…” she paused, looked around and leaned in conspiratorially. “You don’t mean you have…?” David inclined his head. “No, it couldn’t be. It simply isn’t possible…” “I’m afraid it is so, Celestia,” he replied ominously. The Princess straightened almost imperceptibly. “David, I trust you will use these forces with the utmost care and responsibility such powers demand,” Celestia warned in a tone that brooked no argument. “I will,” David intoned solemnly. Twilight looked between the two, confused beyond measure. A few strands popped out of place as she tried to piece together the cryptic words the Princess and the human exchanged. “What are you talking about?” Twilight grated, her voice strained. David stroked his moustache with a slender finger. An expression of haughty bemusement paraded across his features in a way that made Twilight’s hoof twitch. She took a deep breath reminding herself very firmly that violence was never the answer. “Well I see all is in order here. My student, I charge you with finding out the purpose of the magical mystery of the mustachio moustache that David has managed to get ahold of. Consider this a Royal Task. Please send me a report on this by the end of the week.” Twilight’s eyes widened. She bowed, stuttering, “O-Of course, Princess.” Princess Celestia exited the room, withdrawing with her the tense atmosphere that had pervaded the ground floor of the library. David continued to stroke his moustache, chuckling to himself. “Visitors three, there will be. The first has seen, and then believed. The next will fall to my call! Just wait and see, I’ll astound you all!” By coincidence or by design, a cloud had managed to eclipse the sun at that exact moment and the library was plunged into a brief moment of darkness. Whether that pegasus had decided to pass by then was probably a matter of chance, Twilight decided. It began slowly. Something at the edge of her hearing that sent shivers of foreboding cascading down her spine. Twilight’s ear twitched, her stomach curled and the hairs within her coat all stood on end. Though she could not consciously perceive what would happen, her body had already inferred and was dreading the inevitable conclusion. What’s going to happen? she thought, as her eyes scanned the room. Apart from a human frozen in his posture, Twilight could see nothing amiss. Twilight strained her ears. It was getting louder, as if approaching and it sounded like whistling, almost like a kettle bring itself to boil… Eyes widening, Twilight whipped her gaze to the window just in time to see the chromatic pegasus crash through it. The impact sent glass flying, books tumbling and splintered wood aswirl. “You see!” David yelled triumphantly. “The next has indeed fallen to my call.” Twilight ignored him and examined Rainbow as she picked herself up and shook herself free of glass shards and wooden splinters. David pouted a bit but sat down on a worn couch, crossing his arms. “Ow, ow, ow!” She winced as her foreleg gave way slightly on her weight. “Rainbow! How is it that you always find yourself in my library?” Rainbow shrugged self-consciously. “You know about pegasi, we prefer to land on trees if we’re going to crash. Beats the ground or water.” Twilight pursed her lips. “Maybe you should practice in a place where there aren’t also books and ponies nearby!” Rainbow nodded absently. “Good idea, but I’ll have to put that on hold, gotta get back out there and practice!” Twilight stopped Rainbow a few steps towards the door. “Oh no you don’t, look at your foreleg!” Rainbow looked at her foreleg and sure enough some tufts of hair had pulled free and the area was already sporting a small discolouration. Rainbow rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing, I’m using my wings more anyway.” She started limping towards the door. It was clear that the pain was starting to catch up as the shock was wearing off. “Rainbow Dash, you’re in no condition to go flying. You know just as well as I that you’re going to be taking off hard and landing hard. If you overstrain yourself you might do yourself some permanent damage.” Rainbow glanced uneasily at her hoof. Twilight took the opportunity to press her advantage. “Just let me treat it while you’re here,” Twilight spoke sternly. Rainbow hesitated looking towards the door, but then surprisingly conceded, limping towards the chair Twilight’s outstretched hoof indicated.  “Okay,” Rainbow replied with a sigh, collapsing in the chair next to David. After a brief pause she mumbled her thanks. “Don’t mention it,” Twilight replied wryly, trotting upstairs. “I’ll be back soon, don’t get into too much trouble while I find the first aid kit.” Chapter 2: Moustache Rainbow seemed to finally notice the human playing with his cane. She had seen him around of course, but other than knowing that he was some sort of guest for the Princess, she didn’t know much about him at all. The curiosity got the better of her. “So, why are you here? Actually, before that, what’s your name?” she asked bluntly and the human stared curiously back at her. Finally, he leaned across the short space between them and whispered in her ear. “I’m David. I’m here to loosen Twilight up,” he confided in a soft voice. “Huh? Why? I think Twilight’s fine.” David chuckled and settled back in his seat. He didn’t say anything but continued to twirl his cane. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” David stroked his moustache meaningfully. Rainbow stared at it for a few moments and then burst out laughing. “Oh so that’s what you’re doing. I doubt Twilight will get it.” David smiled slyly flipping his coat around. “When she does, she’ll be angry,” Rainbow added in warning. David chuckled. “Oh it’ll be worth it, don’t you worry.”