Rainbow Dash hated borrowing a line from one of her friends, but of all the worst things that could happen. This was The.
Worst.
Possible.
Thing!
Spitfire, her hero, was glaring at her harder than the time she and some of the other cadets reversed the septic tanks in the academy as an April Foals joke. That had earned her latrine duty for ten weeks. Rainbow Dash quickly flattened her bottom into her cloudyard to avoid her seeing the panties. “H-Hey, Spitfire. What’s up?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you can explain why all of Ponyville seems to be trying to catch you or why you're avoiding me and the other Wonderbolts? I want answers, cadet. Now,” demanded Spitfire, stomping on the cloud.
Rainbow Dash gulped and tried to think of her options. Option 1? Tell her the truth. Sure, and let’s go fly up to the sun and kiss it while I’m at it. Option 2? Fake a heart attack. Nah, I did that last year to avoid getting a hooficure. Took me all day to dig myself out of the grave. Option 3. Run like the wind. Best option I can think of.
“Okay, Spitfire, I’ll tell you every-holy crap an alien!” cried out Dash, pointing out in the distant sky.
Spitfire rolled her eyes. “Dash, do you really think I’m that—”
The sound of something materializing in the air, like a combination of a vacuum and an engine echoed in their ears as both ponies’ eyes widened at the sight of something blue materializing in front of them. The form was coalescing into the shape of some kind of blue box with a light on top blinking. Both pegasi stared at each other before turning back to the box which was now floating in the clouds.
A set of doors opened up and from them appeared what looked to be a giant ape-like creature wearing a big coat and multicolored scarf that looked to be almost twice as long as he was tall. He looked around the area before noticing the two and smiled. “Hello, I’m The Doctor. Does this planet happen to be Galicon III?”
The two shook their heads.
“Pity. Must have taken a wrong turn. Last time I let K-9 drive the TARDIS. Would you care for a jelly baby?” he asked, showing them a few colored looking candies. The two shook their heads again. “Suit yourselves. Well, best be going. Farewell,” he said with a smile, but not before popping one of the colored treats into his mouth, and closed the door.
The box began to make that sound again as it faded away until nothing was there. Spitfire blinked a few times before turning to Rainbow Dash. “Did you see that...” She paused when she realized that nopony was there. Looking up she saw a blue blur flying away in the distance as fast as possible. “Oh, son of a...”
Spitfire took to the air and chased after her target.
***
“Can I have a spot of honey with my tea?” asked the still drugged Fleetfloot as Soarin guided her down the streets.
“Sure, Fleetfloot. Whatever you want,” replied Soarin, rolling his eyes. Between hearing her recite haiku on the difference between a fish and dish despite sounding the same and wondering if grass tasted like pudding, this was the sanest thing she’d uttered yet.
Fleetfloot laughed before hugging Soarin and snuggling into his cheek, much to his embarrassment as ponies looked and turned away with bright red cheeks. “You’re so good to me, Soarin. Why aren’t we dating?”
“Because I have a coltfriend in Appaloosa, remember?” pointed out Soarin, wishing he was there instead of here.
Pouting, Fleetfloot said, “Aw, why are all the hot guys gay. Hey, what if I go gay? Then the three of us can have gay sex or something. That’s how it works right?”
“No, Fleetfloot. That’s not how it works,” muttered Soarin. “How many drugs did they put in you?”
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Commander Hurricane over there. If he can stop making out with that changeling queen,” said Fleetfoot, pointing to a fire hydrant next to a lampole.
Soarin rolled his eyes but stopped midway as he saw a familiar rainbow colored streak jetting around in the air while a flamed streak was right behind it. “Hey, it’s Rainbow Dash and Spitfire!”
Fleetfloot looked up in the sky and narrowed her eyes. “What? All I see are the fairy mushroom squirrels, showering us with their holy stardust that will bring us good fortune in agriculture. Right over by the flying cows of moosalvia that feast on the cheese of goats to please their dark gods else they steal their socks.”
Ignoring his teammate, Soarin watched as the two figures danced in the sky like it was an actual show. Ponies were watching the performance with cheers as Rainbow Dash zig zagged through a series of nearby houses at speeds even Soarin wouldn’t risk while Spitfire did a perfect arc dive to intercept Rainbow. Rainbow, in retaliation, zoomed back up.
Spitfire, roaring, had flames appear on her wings and she shot the flames forward. Dash managed to dodge them all except for one that hit her tail and lit it on fire. The crowd gasped as some shouted worry, not for Rainbow Dash, but for the panties she was wearing.
Panties? thought Soarin as he looked closer and saw that Rainbow, who was trying to blow the fire out, was indeed wearing underwear. Why is she wearing that? In public?
“What in Sam Hill’s barn is goin’ on here?” asked a mare that Soarin recognized as the one who gave him that awesome pie at the Grand Galloping Gala that year.
“I’ve been trying to find an answer for that since I got here,” replied Soarin before he turned back to the flying match above.
“I wish I were made of cheese,” whispered Fleetfoot.
***
If this was any other day, Rainbow Dash would be beyond excited to have a flying match with her hero Spitfire. So far she had been avoiding her Captain’s attacks, but all the insane flying and running she had done today was finally catching up to her. Sweat poured down from her brow as she looked down from her altitude where Spitfire was coming straight for her.
Rainbow Dash knew there was only one trick left to play: a game of chicken.
Taking a deep breath, she dived down with a war cry. Matching speed for speed with Spitfire. The Captain of the Wonderbolts only increased her speed and showed no signs of stopping. Flames began to appear at the end of her tail while Dash’s began to channel rainbow colored lightning. Everypony down on the ground gasped as the two speedy forces looked ready to collide.
“Everypony hit the deck!” shouted somepony in the crowd as they all ran away screaming.
The two forces collided and an explosion erupted in mid-air from the clash. Shockwaves of flames and lightning shook the town as glass shattered, rooftops were blown off, and dozens of ponies were knocked off their hooves and into the air. A bright flash emerged and blinded all nearby. Even those of neighboring towns could see the explosion.
Finally, as it all settled down, a crater lay in the middle of town, smoke and rubble everywhere. Deep in the center, covered in soot, were Spitfire and Rainbow Dash on their stomachs and rumps high in the air, looking like they had been through a hurricane. The sound of their moans was the only indication that either of them were alive.
Soarin walked over to the edge and peered down, noticing something about Rainbow Dash. Before he could say anything, a small orange blur dived down and latched on to Rainbow’s butt. “Ha ha!” shouted Scootaloo in triumph. “It’s mine! It’s all mine! I got the panties and now my life long obsess... I mean my life long dream shall finally be realized! Rainbow Dash is mine!”
“Uh, kid?” said Soarin. “I hate to break it to you, but she’s not wearing any.”
Scootaloo’s widened as she looked down and saw that Dash’s panties were indeed not on her rump. “W-what?! Where are they?!”
“Can somepony please get this off mah face?”
Soarin turned around and saw Applejack wearing the surprisingly still undamaged panties on her face. A trumpet sound erupted as Pinkie Pie, throwing confetti everywhere, appeared right behind Applejack and cheered in celebration. “Congratulations, Applejack! You get to go on a date with Rainbow Dash!”
“Wait, what?!” shouted Applejack, turning around with her eyes nearly poking out of the panty holes.
Rainbow Dash slowly crawled out of the hole, Scootaloo still holding on but looking ready to cry, and walked over to Applejack. She stared at her. For a very. very long time.
“I... am going... to dare you... so much... next time... ugh,” she said before fainting.
***
One last time, Rainbow Dash made sure her mane was good enough for her upcoming date. She decided to give in into Rarity’s insistence on at least combing it, and she had to admit it looked pretty good. Sighing, Rainbow exited her bathroom and made her way for the stairs. It had been a week since the whole “Panty Incident” as the papers called it. Apparently, Dash’s exploits had started a fashion statement where everyday ponies were now wearing their panties out in public, even the princesses could be seen in their underwear like nothing was wrong.
If that wasn’t enough, dozens of fashion magazines were calling for Rainbow Dash to model for them. Her pictures with Photo Finish were a hit, and she had a huge bank account now thanks to them. Enough for her to retire and just live the good life.
Of course, Dash was still aiming to be a Wonderbolt, which she was now one step closer to thanks to her little show with Spitfire. Apparently, she was impressed by they way Dash had stood up against her in aerial combat and offered to give her a chance to fly in a few shows to see how she was doing. If she did well for a year, she would be promoted to permanent main event status.
She still had to clean the suits of every Wonderbolt for the next three years, but it was worth it.
Opening the door, Rainbow Dash flew down and landed right over where her date of the evening was. “Hey, AJ.”
“Hey, Rainbow. Ya sure ya want to do this? Ah mean, we don’t have to go out,” said Applejack, blushing.
Rainbow shook her head. “Nope. I’m done fighting fate. Might as well just get into liking mares because it seems that’s all the universe wants me to do.”
Applejack shrugged as the two of them headed into town.
***
The two were able to make it to the town hall just in time for the show. Both of them decided to make their date on the eve of the Cutie Mark Crusaders new performance they had been training for. They had spread word of it, and ponies decided to come see what the three infamous fillies were up to. If only to see, hopefully, another silly performance like at the talent show.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack found their seats right next to Derpy and Fluttershy, much to their surprise, who greeted the pair. “Hey, girls. Here for your date?” asked Derpy.
“Yeah. I’m surprised you two are sitting together after what happened last week,” said Rainbow Dash, taking a seat.
To both their surprise, Fluttershy and Derpy started nuzzling each other as the former replied, “W-well, when it was all over. We found ourselves depressed about what we done so we went for drinks. A lot of drinks.”
“Next thing we knew, we were in Fluttershy’s cottage on top of each other,” said a blushing Derpy. “In... panties...”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other with raised eyebrows, but both decided not to ask. There had been enough weird stuff going around town for the past week and it was best not to question it.
The crowd began to quiet down as the lights went out and a spotlight shined on the curtains. Scootaloo’s voice shouted over the audience. “Fillies and Gentlecolts! Get ready for the newest sensation. The three dazzling Panty Crusaders!”
“Wait, what?” said both Applejack and Rainbow Dash as the curtains open, and their mouths dropped.
Provocative music began to play as the three crusaders, dressed up from their rock band gimmicks but wearing panties that were way too big for them, started dancing on screen as Apple Bloom rushed to a mike and said, “We’d personally like to thank Rainbow Dash for her inspiration and Applejack for her panty donation!”
The spotlight shined on the two blushing ponies as everypony turned to them. Rainbow Dash leaned over to AJ and said, “Bail?”
“Bail.”
But just as Applejack and Rainbow Dash made a move to get out, she heard the entire audience gasp and turn away with disapproval. They looked around, wondering what was wrong until they heard the audience talk.
“Ew! They’re naked!”
“Not a single piece of panties on them! Disgraceful!”
“This is why our society is crumbling!”
“If they want to be naked they should do it in their homes at least!”
“Dang, AJ’s got one fine butt!”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack just looked at each other before muttering, “Oh, come on.”