//------------------------------// // Road Pizza is Worst Pizza // Story: Across the Dimensional Divide // by StrawberryGamer //------------------------------// The halls of Canterlot Castle were quiet during the early morning sunrise. Well, aside from one tired lavender unicorn cantering along them, books filling her saddlebags. Despite her somewhat messy mane and the fact that she was in the library all night, she still seemed full of energy, moving down the halls with purpose. It was one of the benefits of being Twilight: being able to read as much as mortally possible. And in all that reading, an idea formed in her head. It may not be the best idea, but it was all she had. And since when did Twilight’s plans go horribly wrong? Approaching the throne room, she found her mentor just outside, talking with Rarity. “I’m only saying that maybe you could at least think about my request just a bit?” Twilight heard her ask. Celestia gave Rarity a friendly look. “Well if you insist, I’ll see what I can do.” She answered. Rarity gave a bow. “Thank you Princess. I’ll leave things to you then. Have a good day.” Then she turned and trotted down the hall back to her room. Celestia then turned to Twilight, noticing her presence. Undistracted now, Twilight felt this was her best and only chance to tell Celestia her plan. “Princess Celestia, I’ve been thinking about your plan, and I think I may have an alternative.” Celestia seemed to be intrigued by this. Or maybe she just smelled treason. Twilight hoped it was the first one. “Oh, what kind of alternative?” Okay, it was intrigue. Good. She hoped it would stay that way. Twilight spilled the books out of her saddlebags and floated two in front of her. “Okay, remember my research on parallel dimensions, the same research that brought Sunshine into our operation? Well, I was doing some additional research last night and upon testing a couple theories and hypotheses, including more mana-efficient ways to open portals, I’ve found another Equestria!” She said, getting more excited the more she talked about her findings. Celestia looked very intrigued. “Oh, so should we go and make contact with this new Equestria?...” She inquired thoughtfully. Twilight shook her head. “It’s not safe for us to cross over into another Equestria. I have no idea what negative consequences could ensue.” The lavender mare interrupted. “But I’ve noticed you stressing out over trying to catch Sunshine. I’m just suggesting an alternative so she stays out of the conflict.” She finished, then looked to her mentor, hoping she would go for this idea. Celestia seemed to see the flaw in Twilight’s logic. “But if what you said is true, what about her? Aren’t there negative consequences for that too?” The princess pressed. Twilight shook her head. “Sunshine is an anomaly, even for this world. Besides, The consequences for most ponies is not as great as ponies like you. So, would this be a viable alternative to stressing out over bringing Sunshine here?” She asked again. Celestia thought for a moment, then sighed. “It’s true… That mare has been causing me grief. So much that I can’t even focus on the operation we should be doing. Everything has gone out of my control. Twilight… Go to Rainbow Dash, join her in her ambush position and when the chance comes, instead of capturing her, send her to the parallel Equestria.” She instructed. “Maybe then we can finally go back to showing humans true harmony.” Bored. Bored bored bored. Boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored so fucking BORED! You know that feeling you get when you go on a road trip, and all you see is miles of empty roads with absolutely fuck-all to see except passing cars, the people in the car with you being either boring or confusing, and the stuff you brought with you to alleviate the boredom only being half-assed at doing so? Yeah, that’s my fucking life right now. The others seem perfectly fine though. Rain and Vinyl had hit it off quite well. Apparently Rain was a big fan of her work. I must say, while first impressions were… interesting, the changeling is pretty cool. He’s also apparently a fan of Halo like Vinyl and myself. The two have spent the last 20 minutes discussing the many ways Master Chief looks good in a tutu. Honestly, they all sound really fucking disturbing to me. Except the genderbent Master Chief. Then again, that one sent a cold chill down my spine when I remembered my own similar situation. I moved away quickly after that. Snowstorm seemed pretty tired, and fell asleep on one of the beds after we left Seattle. He has been mumbling things in his sleep, and I swore I heard him say “mmm, dat flank.” I really hope he was not dreaming about me. Then again, I don’t think my stunt at the mall the other day allows me to think otherwise. Moving on. Starry basically enveloped herself in a book. I tried asking what it was about, and she gave me a lecture on something that I couldn’t follow one bit of. So I moved on and left her to her very confusing book. Charcoal has been mostly quiet the trip so far. She just keeps staring out the window, occasionally commenting on a building or car we pass by. I’m glad she’s here. Charcoal has proven herself a good friend. Better than Snowstorm at least, my so-called “best friend.” Pfft. I swear all the brainwashing that’s happened to the guy has torn away at his personality. And then there is Ceru. I dunno what to say about her. She’s been kind and polite to me since we met. She told me about her brother, who is in the Royal Guard. I would think that is pretty cool, then I reminded myself of another certain pony with a brother in the Royal Guard. Yeah, we can see where this might end up. As for what I’ve tried to do to entertain myself, I don’t have much. Just the laptop, and without a stable internet connection, I can’t do shit with it. And this RV does not have such a connection. So I’m left to find idle conversation with the others, or find my own little distractions. And we already know how the idle conversations went. So… yeah, an hour into our road trip to California and I’m fucking bored out of my mind. So I’ve basically taken to doing the same thing Charcoal is doing, and just looking out at everything we’re passing by. I remember taking this route often with Grandma... Well, at least as often as I go to and from her house. So there wasn’t much to see that I hadn’t seen plenty of times before. Maybe a couple new pony-based places, and some interesting chariot designs, but that’s about it. After maybe a half hour or so, Rain called back to us. “Anyone getting hungry? There is a place we can stop and get something for lunch. I’ve really been wondering what pizza is like.” I looked back at Rain and smiled. “Pizza? I love pizza. Pizza is great. You’ll love pizza.” I found myself rambling and shut myself up before I started ranting about the joys of pizza. Seriously, pizza is the best thing ever. The others voiced their okays and the RV turned off the freeway and towards a small pizza restaurant called “Pinkie’s Pizza Party Palace.” Oh great, Pinkie has a Chuck E Cheese’s ripoff. Oh well. The food better be good. Pulling into the parking lot, the six of us (we left Snowstorm behind because leftovers. What? The RV has a microwave.) exited the vehicle and trotted right up to the doors. I had my saddlebags on, as usual. When I got in there, I had a few choice questions for that pink partyhead. First off, how did she come to acquire a place like this? Second, whyyyyyyyyy? Before actually going in though, Starry looked through the window. “Hmm, I see Pinkie Pie in there.” She commented. I moved next to her and looked through as well. “Where? Oh, in the ball pit.” Seriously? I know it’s Pinkie Pie, but that ball pit is way too big. The rest of the interior would not be out of place in a Chuck E Cheese’s. Arcade here, party tables there, no creepy animatronics though, thank Pinkie. Instead, there was a ping pong table. “Hold on…” Looking closer… yep, that is indeed Twilight Sparkle in there. And she is playing table tennis with Rainbow Dash. Oh, this I gotta get a closer look at. We opened the front doors and walked inside to the front counter, where a cheerful light green mare with a white mane waited for us. “Welcome. How can I help you today?” She asked. I gave a glance at the interior of the place, now that we were inside. Thankfully the interior was bright and colorful, and NOT all pink. Positively pink my ass. Rain stepped forward, disguised as a blue unicorn stallion. “We’re just here for pizza. It did say that in the name of this place, there was going to be pizza, right? I’ve never had pizza, and I wanted to try it.” He said. “Well you can try our Pizza Party Platter. Two large pizzas and fifty tokens for thirty-four bits.” The mare suggested. I took a look at her name tag, it said “Salad Dressing.” Well, she definitely looked the part. With that light above me as my witness, I will never understand pony names. I leaned toward Starry and whispered. “Thirty-four? Is that a lot?” I asked. I will also never understand the Equestrian currency. It kinda seemed like a lot, then again, remembering from the show it seemed like the bit was very unstable, with inconsistent inflation values and-oh what the fuck am I talking about? The economy of pastel colored ponies? I must be bored out of my mind to be thinking about this shit. What’s next? Politics? Nopenopenopenope so much nope. Starry looked at me and shook her head. “For this kind of deal, no, it isn’t a lot.” She answered. Then she stepped forward to join Rain. “That sounds lovely. We’ll take it.” She pulled out her bit purse and paid up front, giving Rain a “you owe me for this” look. Salad Dressing gave Starry the tokens a number tag with the number 63 on it. I gave a silent “fuck my life” as we took our seats. I glanced at Pinkie, who was looking at us and waving happily. I gave a small wave back, as did Vinyl and Charcoal. Though, Vinyl’s wave was the more enthusiastic of us. Twilight and Rainbow were both still enveloped in their game, and it looked like Rainbow was obviously winning. “You know what? I’m here. I might as well have fun before those two over there finish their game and ruin our day.” I said, grabbing a few tokens and going to the few arcade machines. I saw a few skee-ball games lined up and decided to play that. I had the token in the slot when I saw something pink next to me. Looking at the newly arrived Pinkie Pie, I gave a nervous smile. “Hey Pinkie. Been a while.” I said as the balls came rolling down. Pinkie looked back and gave one of her big happy Pinkie smiles. “Hiya. Just so you know, Dashie and Twi are scheming against you.” She said cheerfully. I almost didn’t know how to react. Not because what she said was surprising, but because she said it at all. “And you are telling me this why? You know what, I don’t wanna know. How about we just have a little friendly contest here? Best score buys next game.” I offered, pointing at the Skee-ball machines. Pinkie immediately got her game face on. “Oh, you’re on!” We both picked up a ball and started rolling them down the aisle. I wasn’t particularly good at this game, but neither was Pinkie. I got a 2, she got a 4. I got a 3, she got a 1. I got a 5, she got a 6. A few more balls down the lane decided it. My score was 29, her score was 31. Yep, I lost. Not by much, but I still lost. I let out a sigh. “Well, good game Pinkie.” I held out a hoof to her, which she bumped happily. “You know… I don’t get you. Your friends are plotting something against me, and yet you are here, playing arcade games with me. Why?” I asked. Pinkie’s smile never left her. I swear she stapled it on like that. “Because, silly filly, just because we’re supposed to be enemies doesn’t mean we can’t be friends too. I just hope that whatever the others decide, you know that we’re not bad ponies, and that some of us want to be friends.” That was honestly kinda touching. “Thanks, Pinkie. It means a lot. So, what are those two planning to do?” I wondered, flicking my tail at Twilight and Rainbow. “Oh. Dashie is gonna hold you down while Twilight is gonna banish you.” Wat. No, seriously. Wat. “Yeah, right into another world. Just think, you’ll be able to make more friends and go on a completely new quest!” Pinkie’s enthusiasm scared me. “Um, Pinkie… What do you mean by ‘banish’ exactly?” I asked carefully. I feared the answer. “Twilight told me to give you a letter. Check my mane.” Um… Okay. I reached into Pinkie’s mane and pulled a scroll from her mane hammerspace. Or Pinkiespace… “She also told me to tell you that she’s sending you to an alternate Equestria. Who knows what it’s filled with? Maybe instead of ponies, they’re all dragons! Or even walruseseseseseses!” Pinkie seemed too excited about this. She was bouncing up and down, probably imagining all sorts of weird things. Even though I really should be scared out of my mind, Pinkie just amuses me. Damn you Pinkie, damn you. I put the scroll in my bag and nodded to the pink menace. “Thanks for the warning. Now I need pizza.” I stated simply, then turned away and trotted back to the others, who just received their pizza. Taking a seat, Starry floated me a slice. You know that thing they say about how animals have more sensitive noses than humans? Well that sensitive nose really pays off when it comes to pizza. As soon as I took the pizza in my strangely magical hoof, I caught it’s scent. It was like that time a couple days ago at Cinnabon all over again. My nose was blessed with the smells of a thousand angels. Of course, my stomach won out over my nose and I heartily devoured the pizza. When that slice was done, I was about to ask for a second, when I spotted Rainbow and Twilight approaching. “Well… This is it…” I sighed and got up from my seat. If what Pinkie said was true, then once again Twilight is on Celestia’s side. “So… You honestly think you’re doing the right thing then?” I asked, walking right up to the unicorn’s face. Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Well, you see, I, uh-” “Of course she is! Twilight would never steer us the wrong way! Well except for all those other times, but I still-” Rainbow interrupted. “Shut up Skittles. I was talking to Twilight.” I snapped back. Looking at Twilight again, I continued. “Banishing me to some unknown land when you know you could just send me home like I wanted to this whole time. You know I don’t want to stop Celestia’s plans. Come on… Just let me go home...” I felt tears welling up and I looked away, wiping my eyes with a foreleg. Damn these still sorta new hormones mixed with my own emotional side. Twilight sighed. “Look, I wish I could explain, but… just read the letter Pinkie gave you when you get there. It’ll explain my actions.” She said. “Hey, before you send me to whoknowswhere, can I do something first?” I requested. Before either of them could give an answer though, I spun around, gave Skittles a kick in the face and yelled “TAG, you’re it!” You ever get that feeling you’ve just done something monumentally stupid, and that you’re about to pay for it dearly? Yeah, I feel like I’ve shook a really big hornet’s nest. Oh well, no time to dwell on that. I took off behind the counter and heard Pinkie scream. “Dashie’s it everypony! Ruuuun!” Then I heard the clopping of hooves as they scurried away from Skittles, who was momentarily stunned by my kick. They couldn’t leave though, or at least didn’t want to, which left the “it” pony looking around to find me. I used this distraction to slip into the kitchen unnoticed. I was startled by one of the cooks behind me. “Hey, you can’t be in here!” He said firmly. I jumped up and turned around. “Um, right sorry. I was just looking to borrow, um…” I looked around and spotted the best weapon in existence. “This.” I said, picking up a frying pan. Just in time too, because Rainbow poked her head in and immediately spotted me. “There you are!” Well shit. Rainbowbutt dashed towards me, most likely with the intent of paying me back tenfold for that kick. I don’t have a high pain threshold though, so I did the first thing my reflexes could think of. Smack her upside the head with the frying pan. It made a clang sound as she got knocked off course and into a crate of party hats. Why that was in the kitchen I’ll never know. Oh, right. Pinkie. I dropped the pan and got out of the kitchen, stopping when I saw Twilight and Starry butting magical shields. Unfortunately, it looked like Twilight was winning. Starry’s gifted, but not that gifted. The others were behind Starry, unsure of how to act. I guess they were not really itching to fight someone like Twilight. Of course, if someone doesn’t do something, I’m gonna end up back at square one. No friends, no goal, no way to get home. My thoughts were interrupted by the blue menace tackling me from behind. Dammit, I forgot about her. So we rolled around for a bit, with her trying to pin me down and me using what little strength I had to defend myself. And rolling around while doing this was not pleasant in the least. We eventually rolled into the ball pit where I felt Rainbow’s weight lift off me… and gets replaced by dozens-no, hundreds of colorful plastic balls, filling my vision and surrounding me as I flailed, trying to right myself back up. I probably looked pretty pathetic. I continued flailing in the pit of round, colorful doom for a few seconds until I felt myself being lifted out. I turned and looked once my head had breached the surface to see Starry’s horn glowing. So she was the one that lifted me out. Good. Then I saw Twilight make a big purple dome around herself, me, and Rainbow. Dammit, looks like rescue is no longer an option. Once the dome was formed, Starry’s magic hold was broken and I flopped onto the ground. Well, here I was, backed against the wall, so to speak. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Twilight looked like she was preparing to open the portal, Rainbow looked ready to stop me if I even so much as flicked my tail in the wrong direction. Memories of yesterday’s talk with Octavia came back and I blanched just thinking about those kinds of actions. Twilight noticed this and gave me a confused look. “What is it? Something wrong?” She asked. I don’t care if she’s concerned or not. SHE’S what’s wrong right now. I shook my head anyway. Best to stay calm. “Besides the blatantly obvious, I was just remembering something very unpleasant. Continue.” I answered. Rainbow didn’t lower her guard. I didn’t expect her too. I did beat her over the head with a frying pan after all. Twilight started opening the portal behind me and I heard a loud “Wait!” Come from the ball pit. We all turned to see Pinkie Pie pop her head out of the balls. “Was the pizza at least good?” She asked, obviously at me and my friends. I nodded. “Delicious. A fitting last meal.” I answered. I noticed the others nod as well. Though I also noticed they still looked angry. Except for Ceru, who had a slightly different look? Sadness? Determination? Huh… Pinkie seemed pleased with her answer and dived back into the ball pit. Twilight continued the process of opening the portal. I had to think of something. Anything. But I couldn’t. I lowered my head and sighed. “Twilight, do you at least know where you’re throwing me?” I asked. I could hear the despair in my own voice. Damn, at least show some fight gurl. I mentally slapped myself for calling myself a gurl. That was just plain moronic. The last thing I need is another mental battle with my body. Twilight shook her head. “Could be anywhere. Manehatten, Canterlot, Ponyville. Even Appleoosa or Cloudsdale. Sorry I can’t give you a defined location. The portal is ready. Rainbow, if you would…” She trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence or even look me in the eye anymore. Rainbow looked ready to push me into the portal when I heard a few resounding “No!”s coming from my friends. It was my friends, who finally rallied together and started pounding on Twilight’s shield. They weren’t getting through though. Then something caught my eye. It was Ceru. Her hooves appeared to glow. The others backed away a bit in confusion. I almost did too, until I realized what is behind me. “Is that magical buildup?” I heard Starry ask. “How is an earth pony able to do this?” Ceru pounded on the shield again. It started to crack. Twilight quickly mended it. “Because,” another pound, more cracks, “I’m not an earth pony.” The glow got brighter as she poured more mana into her hooves and she pounded on the shield once again, making even bigger cracks. “Come on, help me out!” Starry shook her confusion off and used her own magic to assist Ceru. Then the others resumed as well. Twilight appeared to have trouble keeping the shield up and portal open at the same time. One of them would have to give soon. It’s a shame it was not the one I was hoping for. With one last group pound, headed by Ceru, the shield shattered. Twilight fell over, the battering of the shield taking its toll on her mana. Ceru jumped over her, heading towards Rainbow. Rainbow was faster however. She reared up and gave me a kick to the broadside, sending me staggering into the portal. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was Ceru yelling my name. “No! Sunshine!” As Sunny was sent into the portal, Ceru tackled Rainbow Dash to the ground. “How could you? What did that mare ever do to deserve this?” She demanded angrily. Charcoal pulled Ceru off of Rainbow. “Calm down Ceruline. We can get her back. Remember where we were going? Blueberry can get her back.” She said calmly. Starry stepped forward. “Right, but Sunshine won’t last long alone. Can I ask you two to go in after her? Look after her while we continue onwards? Perhaps you can find a way back on your own?” The look on her face was calm, but her tone was desperate and authoritative. The two mares nodded. Seeing Twilight still had the portal open and was looking right at them, they knew this is what she wanted too. “In times like these, we can always turn to our friends for help. And she needs friendship now more than ever.” “Sunny better come back. I never even got to throw her a party yet.” Pinkie’s voice came from the ball pit, “and a walrus Pinkie Pie Party doesn’t count. It must be a Pinkie Pie Pinkie Pie Party.” Rainbow Dash had nothing additional to add, she didn’t even make eye contact with them as Ceruline and Charcoal walked around her and to the portal. “Well, we’ll see you all again later. Good luck.” Charcoal said as she and Ceru jumped through. Twilight closed the portal afterwards, exhausted from all the mana usage. Starry turned the remaining three. “Well, I think it’s time we set off. We have a lot of ground to cover.” Vinyl and Rain nodded. “But first, can we finish our pizza?”