My cutie mark.
That was the first thing to pop up in my mind while walking past a mirror within the library, sleeping late after Twilight and Spike again, which really wasn't much of a shock since my lengthy time here; what can I say? I always seem to sleep late at night, generally around three in the morning. It's always been an irritating inconvenience, but one I have accustomed to for as long as I can remember. Wonder if Twilight has any magical spells to remedy that lifetime problem.
Anyway. As I walked from the kitchen, having enjoyed a pleasant late breakfast made from the overly-kind Spike, nodding to the reading purple unicorn and her assistant, my body immediately halted at the sight of something I've neglected to look at since my arrival into this town, shifting around so I may get a clearer look at the mark beside my rear end.
I had to rub my eyes, still tired, to make sure I was seeing this correctly... and I was. A heavy frown on my reflected features straight away from staring at the dark blue heart with a clearer blue star in the middle.
This is my bloody cutie mark? This?! You have got to be freakin' kidding me!
I have a sudden impulse now, an urge to just punch the mirror as though it was lying to my face. But no. My disbelieving gaze turned back and forth from the mark in the mirror to the exact one on my rump. Oh come on; does this world intend to demean me so?! Okay, so I'm not a fighter, I'm a philosopher. I abhor needless violence and getting myself filthy sure but... I can't be THIS feminine can I? Or was this just the enigmatic Specter playing a crude prank on me?
I'm inclined to believe the latter, because there is no way in hell that mark represents me in any shape or form!
Just what exactly does it mean anyway?
"You look as though you've never seen your own cutie mark before." A certain pony commented, as I see her from the reflection glancing at me with a raised bemused brow.
And after seeing this, my dear, I never want to again. "I just... haven't looked at it all that much." I replied through clenched teeth, not turning to the unicorn. It wasn't a lie, really. "I rarely get the chance to take a good look at it."
But through the mirror I saw her deadpan raised brow. "Throughout the majority of your whole life?"
"Throughout the majority of my whole life."
"Uh-huh." Well it was the best explanation I had at the moment! Let's see you do better when you've recently arrived from another world, Twilight. Oh wait... "So Stardust, what are you planning to do today?"
"Hm?" I finally turned from my long look at the insulting mark on my rump. Well at least the subject was dropped, and I can think of something apart from the disgusting sight. "Probably read and research."
As though expecting I was going to add more to what I planned, she asked politely. "Anything else?"
"...Nothing that springs to mind, no."
Twilight blinked in question. "That's it? That's all you're going to do the whole day?"
"Well, I have nothing better to do anyway." I shrugged indifferently. What did she think I was going to hang with anyone around town? "The sooner I get my work done, the better."
"Work that's more important than socializing with others?" An amused smile played on the purple mare's muzzle. "You know, that reminds me of who I was before arriving in Ponyville; when Spike was really the only friend I had."
Unless I'm mistaken, Twilight Sparkle was comparing me to herself. "Should I feel flattered I remind you of your previous self then?" I asked with a touch of humour of my own. Then, unexpectedly, I found myself chuckling with the unicorn. Now where did THAT come from? This world must be affecting me with its cuteness more than I noticed.
Dear God help me if I begin going native...
"If I may ask." Twilight began, looking up again after a moment of reading whatever she was reading, violet eyes sparkling in a famished curiosity I can relate with... wait what? "Just what is it exactly you're researching about?"
There I hesitated. Yes my mind remained fixed on not telling the most intelligent pony in existence anything. And there were justified reasons for it.
A: Endless unwelcome questions about my own planet and its inhabitants.
B: She would no doubt inform her friends about the off-worlder and THEY will proceed with asking tiresome predictable questions as well.
C: Creepy experimentations and examinations used on me.
D: Lack of privacy.
There are probably more behind why I won't tell Twilight anything about my origins or home planet, but these were just at the top of my head for now. I'll think of more later on. I only told the two highest monarchs the truth behind my presence was because of their possible assistance in sending me back home. Instead it was all for naught.
I have to do what Specter says, to my greatest prideful reluctance, for now.
That doesn't mean I'll stop trying on my own, however. Anything to keep my occupied in the meantime, really.
Noticing Twilight was still awaiting an answer patiently, with a smile I could only define as sweet... whoa slow down there man! I banished this sudden unwelcome thought and replied plainly, "If you must know, my dear, it is the art of transportation I'm looking into."
A pause. "Oh." She blinked in puzzlement.
I smiled knowingly. "Thought I was reading about something Earth Pony-related, huh?" As if. Researching everything I needed to know about nature, animal healthcare and farming was the last thing on my mind.
"Well... maybe." She answered truthfully. What a cute sheepish grin- Stop it! What is with that trail of thought? I must still be tired.
"Oh yeah; you were also looking for books about that yesterday!" Spike finally decided to speak up, rather exclaiming for some reason. I nodded as Twilight observed me thoughtfully. I can speculate why; what reason would an Earth Pony have into researching magic?
Just as I was about to give them the answer to the unspoken question, which was mainly 'None of your business', I was cut off with a surprised blink as Twilight suddenly looked upwards. "Hey, do you feel that?"
...Feel what? "A disturbance in the... hmm?" This time I cut myself off from my incoming dry joke. What was that... sensation I'm suddenly feeling right now? It was as though my whole body was suddenly shaking without its own accord.
"G-Guys! T-The ground is shaking!" Spike stammered as his words bore true.
Ow! I hissed in pain as something rough landed on my head, which revealed to be a falling book. The rumbling of the ground only got worse, and I felt my hooves automatically lock into place as though preparing for something disastrous. "What is this?! An earthquake?!" I yelled over the growing noise to the bewildered Twilight.
"I-I don't know!" The unicorn replied in shock, before immediately glancing at the door and looking as though something crossed her intelligent mind. "Stay here!" She ordered while heading out of the building.
"Fat chance!" Was my sharp reply. I didn't take orders from her, plus I won't be missing out of the action. "You stay here!" I in turn ordered the shaking dragon, who no doubt was most likely going to disregard that order too.
I din't bother awaiting a reply as I pursued the running Twilight, hearing the alerting cry of Rainbow Dash as soon as my hooves touched the outside dirt.
"STAMPEDE!"
Well, that crisis was over before it even began.
But instead of pointing out that observation I said dryly: "This is so stupid." As I and the rest of the town's citizens watched the farming cow-mare tended to the now-calm group of cows. Yes. Cows. That was then I remembered something interesting; this was the beginning of another episode. I know this because I've seen this one too. Though I've forgotten the name... had something to do with apples...
And this memory arises another problem; exactly how will I tell when one of the days here is an episode, and when one isn't? This means I won't have a specific estimate of time and date when Discord finally makes his appearance, since that confusing abomination of animals-stitched-together was to be the next major villain after Nightmare Moon.
Unless Trixie was before him as well. But was she even considered a major villain anyway?
Hopefully I won't be around long to witness the events of Discord.
In the meantime, I must now deal with something that's always used until a threat appears.
Filler.
Next to me, over the loud cheering of the residents to their beloved heroine, the mayor of this wetched town turned to me in confusion. "What on Equestria makes you say that, Mr Balance? That brave young pony just saved us all from a terrifying stampede!"
Oh yeah, don't give the little mutt that aided her credit too. "I simply refer to the fact of what caused the stampede in the first place."
Never mind the fact how the cows were also sentient and capable of thought alongside the ponies. What about the pigs? The chickens? Were they able to produce thought and speech too? If not, why cows specifically? For that silly scene over there?
Speaking of cows, I could go for some steak right now...
Mmm, steak...
"Wait, you know the reason behind it?" Damn, I thought Twilight was busy cheering with the rest; forgotten she was at my other side.
"Yep." May as well be honest.
"...Care to clarify?"
"No." Like I said, honest. "Oh look, here comes the heroic pony now."
I pointed out to distract the two puzzled creatures towards the approaching over-the-hill Applejack. I didn't waste the opportunity in quietly stepping backwards and exiting the cheering crowd, returning towards the library where I may get some peace. "Pardon me. Coming through. Out of the way. Thank you."
I really had no time for this. Do I feel anything from the orange pony saving the town? Of course not; I don't give a damn what happens to this town or its residents.
The mob of cows could've caused chaos all over the town and I wouldn't have shed a tear.
And I'm NOT saying that without hesitation.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." My frustrated voice spoke as I finished reading through the last page, having the urge to just slam my limb down on the table.
"I'm sorry." The purple dragon spoke up as he walked towards me slowly, flinching when I looked at him. What did he believe I might snap at him? "That's the only book left that you haven't looked through to do with that magical transportation spell you're looking for. Twilight said so."
Clenched teeth slowly released with a long sigh, my head bowed down in annoyed acceptance over the thought that all my reading, throughout the week and a half since I've been here, has been nothing but a large waste of my time. Great. Bloody fantastic. So my residing in this library served absolutely no purpose. How now I just desired to go out and jump off the nearest cliff... probably the first thing I should've done since my arrival into this world. I've spent days here, days, and there has been no results.
This only confirmed to me more that the only way to leave... was to befriend the ponies.
Oh Jesus why me...
And it only got worse. If the food that dinner Rarity treated us all to after receiving those tickets to the gala hadn't made it obvious, I discovered, or more of remembered, ponies don't eat meat... or any sort. I couldn't resist my blatant open disgust at the amount of plants and other things no average human would ever consider eating shown on the menus. They'll eat eggs, but not meat.
Would fish count? Oh of course it would...
"All that work... wasted. And it just seems to getting worse for me by the minute..." I said quietly, as my head rested softly on the open book. Not quite as comfy, but even a book was better to lie against than my bed back home.
Home...
It'll be a while yet...
"Um... well, you shouldn't give up just yet Stardust!" I heard the attempted encouragement Spike was giving. "For all we know, the spell you're looking for could still be in a book Twilight might've missed! I mean it!" He added confidently when I scoffed loudly. "Even she makes mistakes sometimes. But you can't stop now!"
Another sigh. "Your words of encouragement are... Appreciated." I replied softly while moving my head back up, deciding to cease torturing the informative object. Yet my gaze lingered on the pages, but I imagine the dragon was beaming for helping someone. "But unnecessary Spike. Twilight would no doubt have searched the place through and through."
"Even so, are you sure you've checked everywhere on the pages?"
"Undoubtedly."
"Well... Me and Twilight can help you if you just tell us what you're looking for." With that, the lizard gulped a little as my hardened gaze glanced at him, but he continued with a slight tremor regardless. "I know you don't want to tell us, and I have no idea why not, but we're your friends, Stardust. Whatever it is you're looking for, we can help you find it faster!"
"He's right Stardust." A female voice pitched in as I opened my mouth to give Spike the exact same words I told him last time, the pair of us turning to the mare who has just returned from outside, a white stack of paper floating besides her. That speech Twilight prepared for the heroic Applejack during the episode must have been finished by now. "You can't give up just now. You said a while ago whatever it is you're looking for, was your own business. And I can respect that."
"Then please do so-"
"But." She continued while raising a stern hoof to cut me off, as though she was about to give a lecture. "As Spike said; having friends around will double the effectiveness into finding what you're looking for." Then Twilight's gaze inexplicably softened. "You also said during that celebration that you don't make friends easily, and put little trust in others."
"I fail to see the relevance-"
"I'm getting there; and I said I was up to the challenge on that-"
"And I replied that you can certainly try."
"Please, let me finish." Oh look at that, a twitch of irritation in her expression. That did little to faze me though. "I know that, right now, you don't think of any of us as friends. And you know what? That's okay." My brows raised incredulously; did I hear that correctly? "Yes, you heard right. It doesn't matter. Because I know we'll make great friends eventually; it just takes time, in your case that is. But I still want to help you, Stardust Balance. Both me and Spike, and the others, want to help with whatever's bothering you. Celestia said you also needed help in understanding friendship-"
"That fact among other things makes me question her wisdom so."
She kept her composure even after I just insulted her mentor and ruler of her world. Wow Twilight, and here I thought even that would hit a sore point. "So please, I implore of you, from one pony to another, don't shut yourself in like this, like you have been doing the whole week; tell us what it is you're specifically looking for. And we can help you find it quicker. It will always be easier knowing you have friends by your side."
A long, lengthy pause, blue-green eyes stern eyes clashing with purple pleading own. My mind couldn't fathom how determined she was in helping me; it was just mind-boggling. Plus the fact this mare claimed to know so much about friendship after only befriending the others for a week and a half now. "Why Twilight? Why waste your own time helping me?"
The reply was instantaneous, sounding rather rehearsed. "Because it wouldn't be right, and you're my friend Stardust." From the corner of my eye Spike nodded enthusiastically. That warm smile... I can't bear the sight of it. I lost the stare down as I turned away to the wooden floor, still in disbelief how caring the two before me were.
"Me and my own problems are not worth your time..."
"Don't say that." I heard the approaching steps of the purple unicorn, and I felt a presence now beside me. "Everypony is worth the effort... why are you snorting?"
I couldn't help it. "'Everypony'." Was my humoured reply. "The use of vocabulary around here is just plain ridiculous." Well, it was! 'Everypony'? 'Somepony'? 'Anypony'? Christ the mere thought of using such words in modern day society back home was hilarious enough.
Noticing from the side Twilight frowning at my changing the subject, I deeply sighed and looked back at the patient mare, wishing this hesitance in my tone would just evaporate. "I... It's best that the less anyone understands my situation Twilight, the better-"
"Wait, situation? I thought you were just researching for something?" Dammit! This wasn't the time to slip up! Her gaze suddenly melted to concern. God's sake why was she this caring to me?!
Refusing to look at her any longer, my body turned one-hundred and eighty degrees towards the nearby shelf. I can't tell them, I just can't. What possible help could they be in regards to this? Twilight was not omniscient, and Spike would potentially make the problem worse if word about my out-worldly existence gets out to anyone other than the two monarchs of day and night.
"...Stardust?" I gave no reply, instead my gaze remained fixed sternly at the pile of neatly-placed books. I hate to be this childish but... dammit the circumstances can and must never be released to the public!
Finally, after what felt like eternity to me, I heard the purple unicorn sigh in acceptance, walking away from my still posture. "Fine, you don't have to tell us yet... but." A pause. Was she hesitating or something? "Just think about it, okay? Whatever it is you're going through; you don't have to deal with it alone. Let's go Spike, Ponyville's almost done with the decorations."
"But-!"
"Spike, come on. Stardust, are you coming with us?"
Despite my reluctance, my voice automatically answered. "Celebrations aren't my thing. Go, enjoy praising that Earth Pony." Did I sound harsh...? Well it didn't matter anyhow.
I can imagine the worried lingering gazes on me as the two left, I heard the sound of the door closing behind them. Now I'm alone, in the building, which should fill me with relief... Yet I felt rather... Hollow for some reason, as the words of the stubborn purple mare before they departed replayed in my mind: "Whatever it is you're going through; you don't have to deal with it alone."
"Oh but I do Miss Sparkle..." I muttered, my voice couldn't restrain the bitterness. "I always have. I always will. You can never understand." Then I shook my head at my pessimistic behaviour, which really wasn't that much of a difference from my normal attitude but still, and looked around the place thoughtfully.
Was it really right of me to push them away like this, when all they wish is to help me with my current predicament, despite their obliviousness to what it was?
...Yes. I just can't accept any help from them, not right now...
...But...
My eyes halted on the closed door. "That doesn't mean I can't help them..." An idea sprung to mind as my hooves slowly began moving. It's a ludicrous plan, but it might work.
You know, I couldn't simply decide whether to smile in amusement or scoff in distaste at the sight of the annoyed purple unicorn being constantly interrupted during her speech. So instead a sympathetic look was all I cast far, far from the crowd, making sure I wasn't in plain sight.
Ah... here comes Applejack now arriving tiredly for the reward... in her pitiful exhausted state.
I said earlier a plan had conjured up from my mind. And it did: Specter claimed I must make friends before I could ever hope of leaving Equestria, and it appears I have no choice in that regard. But, I discovered as a loophole, he didn't say I had to become emotionally caring around them while befriending them. These ponies were far too compassionate for their own good, and I will use such emotions to my advantage.
If they want to care about me, then I'll let them. But that didn't necessarily mean it had to work both ways. And when the time arrives for me to finally depart this colourful world, I can bid them farewell without shedding a tear on my part. I can make friends without becoming close to them... Not so different from the average friendship of humanity, after all.
They can't help me. But I can help them. That way, I won't have to open up to them in the slightest the whole time I'm here.
Ah, that was quick. I observed with a raised brow as the orange Earth Pony headed towards me with a dragging golden trophy in tow. Hang on... Why didn't Twilight and the rest get a trophy or something more valuable for defeating Nightmare Moon? Stopping a herd of panicked animals was minimal compared to ceasing the threat of that villain!
And don't tell me the Elements were rewards enough; I refer to from the town's ponies themselves.
...Whatever, Equestria logic.
Stepping out from the shadow of a building's corner, I asked casually at the evident-struggling Applejack. "Need some help?"
"Hmm?" The pony in question spit out the handle of the golden prize (which was obviously worth nothing) and blinked tiredly at me, before smiling in a state that told me she hasn't been sleeping for a LONG time. "Ahh, howdy Stardust! Nice seein' yer after a whole week of lockin' yerself away in Twilight's library. Nah, appreciate the offer but I've got this handled just fine."
"Hmm, clearly not." The tone made it clear I was going to beat around the bush, which I wasn't. I clicked my tongue in disapproval as Applejack blinked at me in question. "You look as though you've gotten no sleep for a while." She might have just beaten me in the world record of staying up late.
For a moment, the eyelids on the pony closed slowly followed by light snoring, inciting both my eyebrows to go up, before she snapped out of it, fanatically shaking her head. "I-I don't know what you're talkin' about sugarcube; I've got everything under control. Big Mac's injured see, so it's up to me to harvest Applebuck Season all by myself."
"I see." Of course this wasn't news to me. And I was aware of Big Macintosh, the eldest sibling of the farm family. How he puts up with a crowd of little reckless stubborn sisters/cousins is beyond me. "Applebuck Season. All by yourself."
"Yep." If her features haven't convinced me enough of her exhaustion, that goofy grin would've. "So yer don't need to worry. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"I found a way where you can return the favour Rarity promised." I bluntly cut her off, getting to the heart of the matter. At her confused tilted head, I rolled my eyes. "The deal I and that white unicorn made during the gala tickets fiasco."
"O-Okay...?" Applejack replied in remained confusion, looking up to recall such an event, before it clicked somehow in her tired mind. "Oh yeah! That night! And you want me to do somethin' for yer? Sorry sugar but I'm a little busy right now-"
"On the contrary." I pointed briskly at the basket resting atop her somehow-not-strained back, ignoring the growing cranky look in her eyes. "Your harvesting has something to do with this returned favour. To put it simply; request Twilight and the rest to help you with the harvesting."
"What? No way!" I expected as much. But my gaze remained firm in that lock with her glare. "I don't need any help! I've got this all under... under..." The corner of my muzzle twitched in disdain at the stubbornness and exhausted state. And she woke up with a jolt as one of the red fruits made impact on her head. "H-Huh? Where was I...?"
"You were going to ask Twilight and the other to help you."
I know what you're thinking; wasn't it hypocritical of me to tell someone they need help while I myself refuse the assistance of anyone? And to answer that: no, no it assn't. The difference is the refusal on Applejack's part will cost her body's energy to the bare minimum.
"...Help me with what?
This facepalm must have looked comical to others. "With the harvesting."
An uncomprehending blink. "Why would I do that?"
A frustrated groan escaped my mouth. "Jesus Christ. Look just ask for their help in the harvesting, and you can consider the deal to be over and done with, alright?" I snapped sternly, making sure she was processing this however slowly.
At her slow nod, I sighed in relief and turned around, not wanting to deal with this or the annoying fresh air any longer.
"Glad you concur. Now go over there and do so."
Maybe it was the poor mare's exhaustion that caused her to lose this debate straight away. For once tiredness, I thank you.
"Wait, right now?"
Oh for the love of-!
My death glare did nothing to faze her, even with the tone that followed. "Yes, now. Your stubbornness will only get you so far before exhaustion collapses you, Applejack, and getting friends to assist you will double the effectiveness, plus make things easier knowing you have friends by your side... oh my God..."
I blinked in disbelief at the realization I'm reciting what Twilight had just told me earlier, before shaking my head. "Just... do it, alright? From one... friend, to another."
There was no reply for a moment, Applejack just staring at me as though whether I argued a sound point or not. On the bright side, if this doesn't work, Twilight's idea will in the end anyway. But I must at least put some effort into helping these ponies in any way I can without getting attached to them. This may just work.
And voila: it worked!
"Alright." Applejack said in a defeated sigh, and I wouldn't have been convinced if the orange mare wasn't the incarnation of honesty. "Just for returnin' the favour though, that's all. I'll go ask for their help now."
I nodded in sincere gratefulness as the Earth Pony smiled tiredly, walking by me before stopping for a moment. "Say, ye wouldn't mind hauling that there trophy back to the farm for me, would ya Stardust? That way then, I can owe you one, 'cept with my permission this time."
My gaze lingered on the tall, solid-looking object. Well... can't hurt in humouring her I suppose, and I do feel rather victorious now. "Of course... umm, sorry but which way is the farm?" Plus the continuation of one owing you one wouldn't have huge consequences.
And so, that conversation concluded with Applejack providing the directions directly back to her farm, and with me bidding her a good day while pushing the large trophy through the town back there (I had no intention of breaking my teeth by pulling). Sunset had already began showing by the time I got there.
Due to my lack of strong muscles it took a while, alright?
And I resorted to leaving the damn thing right in front of the entrance to the farm, no reason to go straight in there and get introduced to the hundreds of farm ponies within. Patting the trophy as though pitying it, a triumphant smile played on my lips and I turned around and headed straight back to the town, more specifically the library I've holed myself up in purposely for the last week. Applejack listened to me and must by now be working with the others in her little chore of taking down every apple in those woods.
What can possibly take away this victorious sensation?
"Oh, Stardust! You're back!"
This incited an inquisitive look. "Doubtful I would return?" I asked with dry humour to the surprised dragon, standing outside the library and running up when I was within sight. He hasn't been... waiting for me has he?
How sentimental.
A quick look over the nearby structures had my muzzle twitch. Everything's already cleared up; no party streamers or balloons anywhere. I don't have an exact idea how long Pinkie Pie's parties lasted, but I presume quite a while that would stretch into hours.
"Not at all!" The bright purple lizard said quickly, waving his arms as though he's offended me. Okay, something was up. Just like that even a blind person could tell. It didn't help Spike's cause when he was glancing back and forth at the treehouse behind him. "So... how was your day?"
... Do I look stupid? Spike, that attempt of being casual would no doubt fool those ponies. I, on the other hand, don't mess about. "What are you doing out here?" I questioned him blankly, a deadpan stare matching my tone perfectly.
"Nothing! Just getting some... fresh air, that's all."
"...That's all?"
"Yes..."
"...Alright then." I said, looking from the evidently worried dragon to the front door, proceeding on my way back inside. I could really do with a drink right now; that trophy cost me most of my energy- hmm? I frowned in clear suspicion as the small talking lizard was right in front of me again, as if in a pitiful attempt to prevent me from going in. "Is there a problem Spike?"
"Um... Twilight's busy right now preparing a... a spell! Yes! And she uh... doesn't want anypony disturbing her while she's doing that." Lousy story is lousy.
"And this supposed spell is so powerful no one else can be inside the library at all but her?"
A rapid nodding, convinced I've bought it. "Exactly!"
I groaned loudly. This was beneath me and my time. I NEED a drink. "Just move out of the way boy." I commanded with a voice allowing no argument, brushing past the lizard towards the front door...
...Which Spike was now blocking me from meters apart. Or at least he thought he did. "You can't go in there!" I raised a brow at the tone. Okay now I'm intrigued; what could be happening to warrant such behaviour from the scaly little guy?
"Why not?"
"Twilight said so!"
"...And that's enough to make me listen?"
That simple question alone made me win this nauseating argument more than I already have. Now the dragon was panicking all over, eyes looking in every direction to conjure up another excuse, as though hoping to buy more time for his mistress.
Well my little friend, time's up.
"You can't go in yet!" Spike still protested hopelessly as I pushed him out of the way, though not unkindly, and opening the front door. The dragon followed me into the darkness of the house. "Twilight really doesn't want anyone to interrupt her right now!"
"It doesn't appear as though she's in anyhow." I muttered curiously as the place seemed deserted and quiet. The sun was setting, so why hadn't Twilight bothered lighting the candles yet? Was Spike telling the truth about the mare using a spell, except it had to be done in the dark? Though the light of outside aided me in seeing the place more clearly, it wasn't enough. From the corner of my eye Spike appeared rather flustered, as though waiting to be lectured at for something.
Just what was-?
"SURPRISE!" An explosion of pain erupted in my cranium as my poor ears were covered after hearing the loudest welcoming noise ever heard in my entire life. My teeth clenched as I reeled back in shock at the party in front of me.
The lights turned on straight after that chorus to reveal six happy ponies. Some beaming and the rest smiling pleasantly as though they were happy to see me. I couldn't control my rapid blinking nor breathing at this point.
That almost gave me a heart attack for Christ's sake!
"I told you I was going to host a party for you, and I did!" The pink Earth Pony squealed in delight, evidently pleased that she almost caused both my eardrums to burst. Pinkie Pie gestured around the colourful party decorations and then the others. "And it's not just a party, but a private party, especially for you Stardust! I never forgot about throwing you one to welcome you into Ponyville; who in their right mind would?!"
A long awkward pause, my ears recovering slowly as the seeds of anger in my mind began to grow to replace the pain...
"Well gee Stardust, no need to look so flabbergasted! So, do you like it? Of course you do! We've got everything here: cakes, sweets, punch, party hats, party balloons, streamers, games and most importantly: your friends!"
"Er, Pinkie..." Twilight began hesitantly when seeing the expression on my face.
"Not to mention this is a great way to lift up that miserable mood you've been having since we first met you. I didn't mean for this party to be so late, but Twilight thought it was a fantastic wonderful super idea to throw you one now when you were finally out of the house!"
"Pinkie."
"So, what do you want to do first? Play some games, or try out these yummy delicious treats! Ooh, I know; we can do both at once! Wouldn't that be fun-?!"
"Pinkie!"
"Yes Twilight?" An innocent smile cast on the pink pony before it finally slowly dropped when turning from the concerned purple unicorn to me, a raised curious eyebrow instead. "Er, Stardust... you don't look so good."
No, I imagine I quite don't. As all six observed me in mixture of confusion and worry, and Spike backing away cautiously as though I might bite into his face any moment from being close to me, I felt my body shaking wildly in my indignation. I felt my features contort into righteous fury, eyes glaring in disgust and rage at the sight of the creatures before me.
I should've known... These ponies... How dare they...
And now, I must do what the remaining sense I have left in me commands I do. My hooves obediently turned, heading towards anywhere but here.
"Wait Stardust, where are you go-?" I didn't hear the rest as I slammed the front door behind me, to the direction of where I can find a place to calm down from my bewildered seething.
I hate myself.
Yep, calling that out now that I've taken the time watching the beautiful calming sunset push away the childish rage I had in me. Finding myself atop a hill a good distance away from the town and its sickening inhabitants, my body succumbed to losing so much energy exerted from my fury, never mind moving that trophy earlier, and settled down on the grass, eyes dead set on the resting sun and yellow sky before me.
I didn't care right now what happens to my sight after this.
Because as I repeat; I am disgusted with myself. That immature anger and the manner I exited the treehouse was just appalling, unbecoming of a grown up. This amount of disdain was something I haven't felt since... a long time ago.
What had gotten into me? What caused me to behave in such a way? What had they done to provoke that slumbering rage? All they did was throw me a party... despite my repetitive statements that I despised parties! I mean for God's sake, it wasn't that hard to comprehend! But no, Pinkie Pie was still hell bent on throwing me one! And Twilight! What did she hope to accomplish from it?! My gratefulness? They're damn fools, all of them.
But that's not what angered me.
What angered me is the fact I didn't anticipate this surprise upon arriving back to an intercepting Spike. That I let my guard down for this to happen; I should've expected it judging from the dragon's sweating behaviour. For me to be such an idiot in believing the pink pony gave up in hoping to host a welcoming party for me.
And most importantly what angered me: myself. I am disgusted with the knowledge that I reacted in such a fashion I haven't done since four years ago (technically five with it being summer in this world); like an angry child who stomped out when confronted with a crisis I felt unpleasant.
All they did was throw a party for me; I shouldn't have acted like that...
While this sunset was admirable and pretty to watch, it only slowly peeled away the armored layers of the pessimism I have built up around me one-by-one.
Why did they do it? They KNOW I don't consider any of them as friends... so why...?
My senses alerted me to a presence beside me, yet I had no energy in looking to my left. My eyes remained fixed on the setting sun, almost sunk down into the far off hills.
It's quite a good spot to watch the beautiful sight, I should come here more often...
"Applejack told me you returned some favour by telling her to request our help for her applebucking season." The voice next to me hesitantly began, as though quite unsure I would listen or not. "She told us about how you convinced her to ask for assistance. So I thought with you out of the house taking that trophy to her farm for her, it'd be a good time to make a private party to help lift your mood, and as a thank you for helping the honest worker out."
Whatever remaining energy I had left encouraged me to snort. Hardly convinced her; she was tired so I took advantage of it. Plain and simple. Instead I resorted to get straight to the heart of the matter, speaking in a soft tone quite unlike myself. "I didn't mean to behave in that manner back at the library." My feelings got in the way of my common sense. Nobody's perfect. "It was... childish of me."
The sound of grass rustling informed me Twilight had taken a seat on the soft ground, and I imagined she was observing the setting sun as well. "I understand; you didn't want a party. I'm sorry for asking Pinkie Pie to host one, I thought it might help-"
"That's not what I'm mad about." I sighed as shame took course all over me. "Okay, the party was slightly upsetting." I imagine the look at me with an expression of amused disbelief. "It was... kind of you, and the rest, to host one for the likes of me. But... I can't Twilight, I-I just can't."
Oh great, now my nerves are acting up. A sudden thought telling me I should let the studious mare, who came all this way just to comfort me, know the truth. Not the truth of my origins, homeworld and predicament, far from it, but from something I absolutely had no reason to tell anyone around here. What good would come of it? I said to myself I can't open myself up to anyone in this forsaken world... yet...
No. Don't do this. Don't let your emotions get the best of you again. You can overcome this weakness!
"You can't what...?" Oh good grief! That soft patient tone just wanted me to confess more! My eyes shut tightly with my head bowed, my mind and heart in heated conflict over what I should say next.
And for the love of all that is good... my damn heart won.
"I... I can't make friends. In fact, I'm terrible with establishing friendships." I began in a quiet hesitant voice with a crooked smile, shocked I'm even consulting a pony about this. What effect did she possibly have to garner these locked away feelings from my soul? "I always have been. Truth be told: I don't even have any friends where I'm from. Well... not close friends anyway. Not ones I can truly trust to count on and such; only such a one exists, but he moved to a neighboring country a long time ago..."
"Not that it was his fault of course. And I have a brother and two sisters, but this is about genuine un-blood related friendship. My point is, Twilight Sparkle, I would be the last person to ever make friends with; I'm a lazy, arrogant, distant... stallion, so easily distrusting of others, preferring his solitude and peace over the presence of others, and has little tolerance for idle conversations. A true friend would be one you can depend on entirely, to be there for you in your hour of need and to help you overcome any crisis, correct?"
I waited as the pony undoubtedly nodded. "Well... that's not me. That never has been. I don't understand all that much about friendship, and I hardly think I ever will... but... that's fine."
"So you and your friends throwing me a party was too much and all for naught, Miss Sparkle, because I am the last being you would ever consider befriending; because I'm so rude, so blunt, so different, so... so wrong."
I concluded with a heavy sigh, wishing I had hands to clench again while inwardly dreading the consequences for revealing this pent-up feeling after so long. "In the end I'm merely a pessimistic antisocial fish-out-of-water Earth Pony... Unworthy of befriending you nor anyone else in that town." Nor the world, I added silently.
And so ended my tale of woe, silence folding over the grassy hill like a blanket. You have the floor now Miss Sparkle. What will she do with this information? I dare not look; I don't want to see any pity nor compassion. I don't really know what to expect or what I want from it. Why did I bother telling her... maybe because there'll be no consequences from such when I leave this planet?
No, my feelings said otherwise...
I won't lie: friendship has never been a huge factor of importance in my mind. I'm aware of its importance in general, but I never regarded the concept much; there were other things on my mind my whole life; future career options, a list of ways in throwing certain people I disliked into the center of the Earth, why Frozen is an overrated (yet still entertaining) movie while Tangled doesn't get the credit it deserves, and so on and so forth.
My main point is that friendship was hardly ever considered magical or empowering to me, just for something to be used to get out of sticky situations.
Good grief I'm a horrible person...
And why haven't you said anything yet Twilight? Was it really that tragic? A pony lacking genuine friendship too much for you? Oh come on I did say I had one I can rely upon! This unnerving silence made me want to look at the sat mare, who I knew was rarely ever so quiet. Is it possible she left without me noticing-?
"You know what I think?"
Oh, never mind. "What?" I asked quietly, curious and agitated at once for the upcoming answer.
"I think you remind me of me." Wait... what? This statement caused me to finally turn to the purple unicorn with my confused frown, as said Twilight was staring up at the falling sun herself thoughtfully. And to be this close to her right now, my mind suddenly turned static like a TV.
What was wrong with me...?
"Before I ever came to Ponyville, I also only had one true friend before meeting these wonderful ponies, and that was Spike. And even though time has passed since my stay in this lovely town, I still don't understand the true meaning of friendship myself."
"But you know what?" Twilight turned and... was it me or were her eyes sparkling? Must be a joke due to her surname, yet they look rather beautiful- oh Jesus Stardust get a grip! She didn't seem to notice my internal blanching as she continued in that warm voice. "I'm learning. My friends are educating me about the true meaning of friendship. And I don't regret a single moment of it. And I don't think you will too."
"I... what?" Masterful response, Stardust.
"Stardust; you are not 'wrong', nor are you hardly unworthy of being friends with someone, regardless of who they are. Was it wrong of you to help us put a stop to Nightmare Moon?"
"Without thinking things thoroughly-"
"Was it wrong of you to help the others in realizing the pressure they put on me with the tickets?"
"The whole crisis just seemed insignificant-"
"And was it wrong of you to convince Applejack to ask us for help with her work?"
"..."
"Sure you have your flaws about you; you can act a little rude sometimes, and sarcastic, and direct, and distant... but now I think I see why, from what you've just told me. If you don't mind me being blunt about it, but I think you're a little afraid."
The scoff was instantaneous. "I fear little." But still, my ears were highly attuned to what point Twilight was reaching to.
"I'm sure." Those eyes glittered in amusement and friendliness. "'Hesitant' would be the more accurate word then; hesitant to befriend others because of your own personal issues, how you might not be there for others when they need help or comfort. But that's fine; nopony's perfect, you won't ever be forced into helping others. I think that, on top of everything else, you just lack the confidence to create a true friendship with others than the ones you already have."
"...You got all of that just from my petty little speech?" My tone and expression were similarly incredulous. Yet... it felt as though something within me was agreeing with every word the purple unicorn was saying. I've always lacked confidence; Twilight's not the first, and I doubt the last, to ever tell me such. Could that just be the major issue? Confidence...?
That confrontation with Nightmare Moon certainly was nothing of the sort, more of reckless behaviour on my part.
Twilight shrugged modestly, looking pretty confident with her words, as always. "I can't pretend to know you, Stardust Balance. But I do know when a pony is in need of help when I see you. Princess Celestia was clearly right in saying you needed as much help as I did."
"Please Twilight." I snorted in disbelief, yet feeling a smile on my muzzle as though everything was going to be all right now. "You hardly need just as equal help. Already you have a far more better understanding on the concept of friendship than I do." Or ever would.
"Even so." That didn't deter her. Big surprise. I waited as she looked up in thought for a moment. "I have a proposition, for you of course."
And that sinking feeling returned, but there was a tinge of curiosity I couldn't suppress. "...Do tell." I said cautiously.
"No need to look wary." Twilight raised a bemused eyebrow. "You should really smile more often. It suits you. But we're getting off track here; my deal is this: while you're here in Ponyville, living under our roof, we both discover the magic of friendship together, never leaving the other out on what we've learnt from it. That way when you return back to where you're from, you can then make more friends back home and learn to put more trust in others."
The sinking feeling goes deeper. "Twilight... I don't know if-"
"Let me finish." She requested softly, taking notice of my growing agitated state. "It's not as difficult as it sounds, trust me. Think about it; wouldn't life be much more easier if you have more friends by your side? All you have to do is just open up more; consult and care in others, and be sure to lend a hand when available."
"Precisely, I can't do any of these things." I mumbled sourly, glancing at the side to see the glitter of stars appearing as the last layers of the sun were vanishing.
"You won't know unless you try. Having friends by your side to help you is more rewarding than being alone." Twilight spoke in clear determination, standing up beside me, providing some space before extending a hoof, a clear warm smile on her features. "What do you say, Stardust? Ready to start really making friends and learning the power that comes from it?"
My eyes stayed on the purple hoof, even after a moment when I stood up myself. I don't know Twilight, am I...? Am I truly prepared, or for that matter deserving, to learn the true nature and significance of friendship? Will I be shown first-hand how this world encourages the fans from my world to spread out offers of companionship and love and tolerate?
Was friendship really so strong and powerful as Twilight claims it was? Of course this was the main character of show that strives for such a concept but still. Should I really take this offer and walk down a path I don't think I've been down ever since I was a child? My mind was in conflict with itself; heated internal debates like a parliament over voting for this.
"...What's the catch?"
"Who said anything about a catch?"
...Well, the votes are in.
And I really hope I chose correctly.
Slowly, my raised hoof found itself clasped around Twilight's welcoming own, and at that instant a jolt of electricity shot through me as the two limbs shook. Whether it was a good or bad sensation... I did not know.
But all in all... no way in hell am I ever going to tell anyone I learnt the true meaning of friendship from talking jelly beams. Especially my little sister...
"Twilight Sparkle." The mare suddenly said, rather formally.
...Ah.
"Stardust Balance." I replied just as politely, and like that every nerve was washed away, replaced a strange feeling I can only describe as... well I honestly don't know what to call it. Our hooves then set apart, and I found myself stiffening as the mare suddenly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me...
Huh... so this was how ponies hugged huh...?
"And for a moment there I thought you hated us..." The purple pony whispered to my ear, relief and gratefulness in her tone.
"Hm. Who could ever hate you?" I chuckled as traces of wariness remaining on my expression, unsure of what to make of this and the annoying shivering in my bones. "So... this is how our newfound friendship begins?"
"Yep; with a group hug!" Huh? Argh! I yelled in shock at the surprise tackle to my right, a certain pink pony holding onto my side in a clutched manner, almost knocking me and the purple mare down. I blinked in rapid disbelief at Pinkie Pie's unorthodox mannerisms... of yeah this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about; she was always a walking paradox.
Well at least it's helping...
Looking up in hesitance from the Earth Pony, I saw the rest of the five, including Spike, watching from a distance, one of which is lightly snoring. How long have they...? "You've been here the entire time." I deduced blankly.
"We were all concerned for your well-being, darling." Rarity spoke up, sounding as sincere as she possibly can. "And after hearing your conversations, your actions are completely understandable. We won't hold it against you."
"And you won't be having a true friendship with just Twilight either, Stardust." Fluttershy added, approaching us with that kind guard-lowering smile. "We will all be your friends, no matter who you are."
"That's right." Now Rainbow Dash took her turn, rubbing the back of her neck when I sent her a questioning glance. "I know we got off on the wrong hoof, and I didn't make a good impression to you from the start. But hey, we can let bygones be bygones right? It sounds as though you need more help about friendship than Twilight does. Besides, anypony who's a friend of these guys is a friend of mine!"
That cocky grin I half-wished to wipe off with a lawnmower-
I banished that unfair train of thought and instead looked away from the eyes of them all back to the sight of stars in the distance, even when Twilight and Pinkie Pie released and gave me the space I adore. "You're all too kind to me... I don't deserve it." I truly didn't, this was far too much for me to take in.
"That's not true." I heard the voice of the assistant behind me, sounding like he was approaching me too. "As far as we're concerned, Stardust, you've done nothing bad for us to not like you. Sure you can be a little... well, y'know..."
"Snarly?"
"Snotty?"
"Whiny?"
"Grumpy?"
"Trying than other ponies." Spike said instead of the suggestions the four other ponies thought of. And I gave the nearby purple dragon a small amused smile for it. "But that's not a crime. I mean, different is good, right?"
"Of course it is Spike." Twilight nodded sagely, giving me a sincere smile once again.
"Ya see? So Stardust, you might act a little negative to everyone around you, but that don't make you unworthy of friendship. I mean look at Twilight; she sometimes acts like you in terms of being moody or unimpressed-"
"Spike." Said flustered mare cut him off sharply, avoiding my curious gaze.
"A-Anyway! What I mean to say is: we'll all be your friends, Stardust, if you just let us." The dragon concluded with a beam, looking quite pleased with his own speech. A quick glance to the other nodding ponies, save for the slumbering Applejack who was somehow still standing, I felt a choking up sensation that I wanted to push back down, but found I couldn't.
And with every word they all exhaled from their lungs, the sea of calmness finished washing away the lingering rage.
This was true honest friendship? It felt so different... Yet so familiar...
As I opened my mouth, preparing to share my gratefulness of their kindness and selfless support, something else escaped my muzzle.
A yawn.
A light chuckle. "I think somepony's exerted all his energy today." I shrugged helplessly at the observant Twilight, who smiled at my embarrassed nature. And for that reason I felt rather... Pleased by it... Then undeniably tired.
Must have caught Applejack's exhaustion.
"I concur Twilight. Come along then dearies. Pinkie, kindly assist me in escorting poor Applejack back home; we'll all help her with her apple season tomorrow. Twilight, why don't you, Spike, Stardust and Fluttershy head back and finish with the party? The night is young, after all."
The purple unicorn glanced at me questionably after Rarity's suggestion. "What do you think, Stardust?"
Well, no reason to repeat another fuss about it. I shrugged. "What the hell? Can't let good cake go to waste."
"You need help getting back?"
I snorted humourously. "What am I, a child?"
The white pony giggled. "Indeed. We will see you there shortly. Let us move Pinkie." We watched in bemusement as the two gently carried the sleeping Earth Pony back home.
And a quick glance at Twilight suddenly had my mind whirling. Tomorrow... yes tomorrow I'll tell her. Not everything; mainly half of the truth. I'll contemplate what to say the next morning about how I arrived in Ponyville and how I intend on finding a way out. Tell her I seek help in searching for a way by magic back to where I come from; some land far, far away that she's most likely never heard of. A good creative fabrication of a land will do.
But then again... was that truly necessary? Specter did state I had to make friends before I could ever hope of going home. And with this new agreement of friendship, it feels rather pointless even trying to think of a way to go back. Why would I try to delay the inevitable? For what purpose? Perhaps simply sticking around without finding a solution, for now anyway, is the best idea.
But if an opportunity to go back presents itself... Well hopefully I won't be too attached to these ponies and dragon.
Well, there goes my previous plan of befriending them without feeling attached...
"Let's go guys." Twilight's voice broke me out of my thoughts, and I slowly nodded while following them.
Yet Spike suddenly took the lead as the unicorn slowed down to walk beside me. "Thank you for not declining my invitation of friendship." Twilight grinned brightly. "You have my word you won't be disappointed by what is to come from this. Maybe tomorrow we can get to know each other, you know, as true friends do."
"...We'll see." I replied after a pause, presenting an amused smile as a sudden thought struck me. "You know what? I should've made the deal extended so that if this plan does turn south; I would have the library all to myself for the rest of my time in town."
An equally humourous brow. "I really doubt that."
"All the more reason."
A light-hearted chuckle, then Twilight looked away as though a thought had struck her. "Oh! That reminds me; when we get back we can write a letter to Princess Celestia; you can tell her about this new road you've taken into discovering friendship."
She blinked at my short laughter. "Hahahaha! In another life perhaps, Twilight."
To be continued...