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// 23 - Rude Awakening 
// Story: Clueless in Equestria 
// by David Silver 
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David was asleep. He knew this as he walked down a seemingly endless hallway. He didn't remember when he had gone to sleep, but surely he was now. In the dream he was entirely human again, walking along on shoe-clad feet.

"Bravo," said a familiar voice. The door to the left of David swung open and an eye filled most of the frame, "You've really made a nice little fantasy for yourself," came the clearer voice of John De Lancie, er, Discord. With a flash, David was seated at a table with Discord across from him, "I do hope you've enjoyed all the effort I've put into all this."

"Into all what?" asked David, not liking the direction this was heading at all. "I didn't know you dream hopped like Luna."

Discord waved a claw lightly, "Oh pish posh, I can if I want to. But we're not here about me, we're here about..." He thrust a leonine finger at David, "You. You've been fairly tame about your exploits compared to many. You haven't made a move on the 'Mane Six'" He said the quotes with actual quote movements with his fingers, "Nothing's exploded violently, and there hasn't been a single spontaneous invasion from another universe, yourself excluded. You haven't even used your gift yet."

"Yea, but that's not my call, right?" asked David with a raised brow, "Why are we here?"

"Why indeed," said Discord, steepling his fingers. "Let me put this a simpler way. How did you get here?"

"Heck if I know," said David, shrugging. "I went for a walk, then a dark place with words."

"Did you look behind you?" asked Discord.

"Behind me?"

"You always do, at least usually," said Discord. "It's adorable. You scurry across a road, and quickly check to make sure you didn't leave a body behind, to see that you didn't die and fail to realize it. Did you look behind yourself?"

A chill grip began to run through David as he thought back to before he came to Equestria, "Uh... I... don't remember."

"You didn't," said Discord bluntly, "Just as well. You would have spent all that time in the void screaming and sobbing instead of answering my questions."

"So, what,  I died?" asked David, "Or is this all a crazy coma dream?"

Discord wobbled a hand, "It could be either. Do you like it? You're already putting a family together for yourself, but you lack conviction, boy." With a snap of his fingers, David became a half-pony, "Look at you. Do you want to be human, or pony? The world already has one hybrid, we don't need new ones."

David was on his hooves in a quick motion, chair crashing to the ground, "I didn't ask for this, it just happened! Besides, you're already not the only hybrid. I've seen plenty in the show."

Discord waved off the argument, "Yes yes, my point still stands. Are you happy?"

David let out a slow breath, "Mostly? I... have a good friend." Rough Draft appeared on one of the blank walls, walking along in a repeating motion. "Lyra and Bon Bon are cool, but I'm still getting to know them." The two mares appeared side by side on another wall, leaning on each other.

Discord leaned forward, "I'm honestly surprised. Considering your... background, I thought you might just act in a most ungentlecoltly fashion with the mares, all of them. You've had no less than two imply as subtly as a thrown bag of bricks that they wanted your attention, but still you hold back. Why is that, my boy?"

David looked like he was about to reply when Discord put a finger to his lips, "Yes yes, I know this story's rating, but really. Give me a reason."

"I'm scared, OK?" admitted David. "I've never been intimate with a girl, let alone a mare. I'm still hoping it all works about the same."

Discord shrugs, "Tab A, Slot B. You and me, nothing but mammals."

"Pretty sure you're part dragon," countered David.

Discord gave a soft pfft, "Technicalities. So you're calm in the face of a changeling working up the nerve to kill you, calm when your humanity is ripped away from you without so much as a 'please', but kissy time, that's where you draw the line?" Suddenly Discord was behind David, hands on his shoulders, "You're a curious creature."

"I don't mean to be rude," said David, "I mean, you're a cool character and all, but am I dead or not?"

"Does it matter what you are on Earth?" countered Discord. "You're not there, you're here. You chose to be here."

"I'm curious," said David, "I mean... is this all fake?"

"Does it feel fake?" asked Discord, "If you do what you fantasize doing with Lyra, will there be consequences? Of course there will be. Does this make you a bad person?" He leaned in, "A little, maybe? Depends who you ask. Well! You're asking me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I already gave my heart to a pegasus, even if she wouldn't know romance if it bit her on her adorable little rump. These ponies are very good at drawing out your emotions, usually positive. If they want your love, they'll figure out how to get it." His brows knit lightly, "A little manipulative of them, but they mean well."

He stretched then, "Well, our time's about up. Luna's noticed me. Any last questions?"

"Will it last forever?" asked David.

"Try to look both ways before crossing streets," said Discord in way of answer, then he was gone, replaced by the Princess of the Night. Luna looked left and right, then at David.

"We meet again," she said, "This dream reeks of chaotic thoughts, and yet it is more stable than ever I have seen your dreams. Are you lucid?"

"Yea," replied David, picking up the fallen chair and settling on it, "Luna, I have a question."

"If it is within my power, I will answer it," said Luna, approaching on delicate hooves, then pausing. Having just noticed David's half pony state, she raised a brow, "What has happened to you, to give you those? Are you involved in more illegal activities?"

"Twilight already took care of it," David said with a dismissive gesture, "But I am half pony now."

Luna leaned in a little, "I see you are without talent. Does your question relate to it?"

David shook his head quickly, "That'll happen when it happens. I don't need to Cutie Mark Crusader this up. Tell me, are there any laws about me being involved in a herd?"

"A herd?" asked Luna, "Those are rare. Was it your idea, or did somepony ask it of you?"

"Rare?" asked David as his brows rose together, "Lyra made it sound common enough."

Luna shook her head, "In old times, perhaps, before I was banished. In these days, most ponies prefer one to one, but to answer your question, it is not illegal to have cross-racial marriages." she raised a hoof to point at David's lower half, "You are pony where it counts, for this matter of thing."

David flushed gently, "Uh, can you tell if it works?"

Luna raised a brow sharply, "That is most inappropriate. Surely you do not need my help to know if it works."

David waved a hand quickly, "Not like that! I mean, can I put a foal in Lyra? I mean, if we went down that road."

Luna nodded softly, "I think you could, but there is only so much that can be determined through a dream. I must go, there are other dreams to patrol. Be harmonious, human David Silver, and don't forget I still wait for your application for citizenship. You cannot start a herd without it."

Then she was gone, and the dream with it.





David jerked awake. He was in a hotel room, but a different one. Rough Draft and Ink Splot were seated side by side while Ink Splot worked laboriously on something that faced away from David. "Stay right there," said Ink Splot, "Almost finished." The earth pony worked diligently with his brush and paints while David settled back down and waited for it to finish.

Memories began to return. He had come up with Rough Draft to be drawn and fell asleep during the process. He was awful about staying awake while sitting and doing nothing. This didn't help very much while in school. David's attention was brought back when the painting was revealed, showing the slumbering half pony in vivid detail.

Rough Draft giggled, "It looks just like you."

David snorted gently, "It does. You're a very talented artist." He reached and gave Ink Splot a soft mane rubbing, to the pony's surprise.

"I told you he does that," said Rough, shaking his head.

Ink Splot smiled, "Harmless compared to some of the other habits I've gotten out of non-pony clients. Well it's getting late, you two should probably get some sleep. I know I need some."

Farewells were exchanged and soon they were out in the hallway, moving back towards the elevators. "Is he an old friend?" asked David.

"Oh yea," said Rough Draft, "We don't hang out a lot, but us earth pony artists have to stick together. I see him at about half the conventions I go to. He'll probably get a pretty bit for that drawing he made of you."

That didn't bother David, so he didn't say much, instead thinking about the dream that was still fresh in his memory. "Say, uh Rough, how accurate are dreams in Equestria."

Rough raised an ear, "Depends. If Luna shows up, it's about as true as it ever could be. Why?"

"No reason," lied David, worrying his mental teeth over what he had learned.