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// You Only Snuggle Twice (Pinkie Pie/Rainbow Dash) 
// Story: The Snuggle Conspiracy 
// by CategoricalGrant 
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So you're sitting there, completely aghast that you've been blackmailed by Pinkie Pie into snuggling her on her couch upstairs. The thing is, Pinkie Pie isn't even that good of a snuggler. In fact, she smells so sweetly of bubble gum that it's starting to make you sick. It wouldn't be that bad, except that she's crushing your ribs so hard that you can't breathe. And talking about her morning.
You can only manage to lightly scratch behind one of her ears with the little oxygen available to your lungs. She unfortunately takes this as a sign you're enjoying it and hugs you even harder. “And then gummy had to brush his teeth too, but when he tried to do it he remembered he doesn't have any teeth! And then we took a bath, and then we went downstairs and started to cook a double-strawberry-triple-frosting extraordinaire, and then Mr. Cake told us the bakers were on strike, and then you walked in! And now we're snuggling!” She lets out a little sigh of exasperation as she squeezes you and you let out a small yelp of pain as a few minor arterioles break. “Okay, we're done! You pass!” She says, letting you go.
You take a deep breath, which is then followed by a small coughing fit. Pinkie Pie smiled at you  expectantly. “Wh...What?”, you manage to sputter out. 
“Well,” Pinkie Pie begins, tapping a hoof to her muzzle in thought, “this was a test. A friend of mine really needs help, and I was hoping that you could help her. So I tested you, and it turns out that you can!”
“What? Who needs help that can be tested like that? Do they need help developing bruise resistance?”
“Tell me,” Pinkie Pie grins at you, “do you like naps?”


You absolutely did not expect, of all ponies, Rainbow Dash to be standing in front of you. She looked furious, and you were very glad that Pinkie Pie was bouncing next to you two to mediate.
“How is HE supposed to help me, Pinks!?” Rainbow Dash spits. You breathe a momentary sigh of relief, now knowing that her ire is not directed toward you. Not directly, at least.
“Trust me, he can help you sleep!” Pinkie Pie beams back, ignorant of her friend's attitude.
Rainbow Dash looks at you expectantly. You decide to gather information before proceeding; this was clearly dangerous territory. “So, uh, what's the problem exactly?”
“Well, I nap. Like, everyday. Usually for four or five hours.”
You nod in understanding; your sleep schedule is similar.
“And I've noticed that for the past few days, no matter how comfy the cloud I choose, I can't sleep! I've started to suck pretty hard at the weather patrol, because, well, I'm tired.”
“You could always go to bed earlier.”
“Well that doesn't work because I go to bed late after writing Wonderbolts fan-... after a strict exercise regimen to tone my core.”
You wrack your brain attempting to find a way out of your situation without doing what Pinkie Pie wants you to do; and her face inches from your own does not help your thought process.
“Have you tried...taking diphenhydramine?” You ask.
Rainbow Dash cocks an eyebrow and is likely to call you an egghead before Pinkie Pie interjects, “What he means is, He's going to snuggle you and it's going to help you sleep!”
You brace your face muscles for an anticipated supersonic uppercut, but none came. 
“Oh no Pinkie! No way! I might as well just turn in my daredevil license!”
Pinkie stops hopping and her demeanor darkens considerably. “That's okay. If you want to keep depriving yourself of sleep and LITERALLY raining on my parties, then I guess I can just tell everypony about your website!” She starts smiling and hopping again.
Rainbow Dash's jaw goes completely slack. You decide that Pinkie Pie would do an excellent job as an Applewood villain who is always one step ahead of the Equestrian special forces. You also wonder what exactly Rainbow Dash could put on a website that would ruin her life, although you speculate it involves the Wonderbolts in some fashion.
“Okay bye!” Pinkie zooms away, leaving a confused you and a very uncomfortable Rainbow Dash.


On the walk back to your place, you notice that Rainbow Dash doesn't seem comfortable or happy at all, her wings twitching every once in awhile, as if she can't decide whether to float along next to you or continue walking.
Your compassion eventually gets the best of you. “Hey Rainbow Dash, you doing okay?”
When she responds, her voice is devoid of all of the confident swagger it usually carries. You even detect a hint of fear as she responds, “I really don't think this is a good idea...”
You stop abruptly. “What's up?”
“Well,” she begins, her voice cracking and faltering as she explains herself hesitantly, “I've never snuggled with anypony before, and I don't know how, and I-I'll probably hate it...”
“Hey,” you start, getting her to look you in the eyes, “snuggling is all bout comfort. It's emotional and not just physical; both parties should be comfortable. We don't have to do this at all.”
“B-But Pinkie Pie-”
“Don't worry about it. I have determined, conclusively, that that chick is nuts. If you don't want to do this, come into my house for lunch, then go home. I'll just tell Pinkie that it didn't work out.”
“Really?...But, why do we have to-”
You cut her off, moving in very close to whisper in her ear, “because she's WATCHING.”
She turns to follow your gaze. The top of a pink muzzle can be seen protruding from a nearby trashcan, next to a bench, occupied with ponies quite disturbed by the scene before them.


“A-And then, I puked everywhere! The doctors had no idea what was happening!”
Rainbow Dash was on the ground literally crying with laughter at your story. Lunch had been a very pleasant experience.
“BWAHAHAHA!” She wipes a tear away, “I'll make sure to never eat Ch-Chineighse food if I go to San Franciscolt!”
“Or better yet,” you advise, “don't go at all. It's the worst city in Equ- well, I actually take that back. Baltimare. Never has there been a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
Lunch had been quite a pleasant affair, and Rainbow Dash looked at you over the plates, suddenly serious. “Hey, uh, I was thinking...maybe we could try the cuddling after all. I mean...will it really help me sleep?”
You're taken aback by her sudden change in heart. “Well, it should. Does for me anyway. And I'm Pinkie Pie-certified...I guess.” You rub your midsection. 
“I still don't know how though...” she frets.
“I can teach you, it's real simple.”
You take her to the couch and gesture for her to sit. You sit right next to her so that your withers and flanks touch. You notice she's a fair deal smaller than you. “Comfortable thus far?”
She nods. You then slip a hoof behind her. She tenses for a moment before relaxing again. “Alright?” She nods again.
After a few minutes, you pick her up gently and place her on your lap, perpendicular. She yelps and tightens her hold, but again relaxes. “Now put your head on my neck.” She hesitantly complies. You then nuzzle her mane, which smells like fresh, open sky. “Feeling comfortable?”
“Actually...yeah, I am. Do I fall asleep like this?”
“You can, but laying down is more comfortable.”
Rainbow Dash's face lights up. “Hold on!” She darts out the door and returns a few seconds later with an entire cloud. “Where's your bed?” She asks.
You point down the hall and she darts off. You decide to follow and find that the cloud has been placed over your bed. “Let's nap,” she yawns.
You smile. She still looks a little bit uncomfortable, so you smile and give her one last piece of advice. “None of this needs to be awkward. It doesn't leave the room, and it's totally just a chill thing. If you like something, just ask and I can do it, too.”
You move in for an hug. She clearly wasn't expecting it, but returns it after a second or so. You lay down and she does also.
There is an awkward pause in activity. “So, uh, how's this work laying down?” she asks.
“Well, you can lay on top. Or we can spoon. Turn on your side.” She obliges.
You wrap your hooves around her. She again tenses, then relaxes. You pull her close to you, feeling her warmth on the background of the cool, smooth cloud, which itself is doing wonders for your bruised torso. She's not as soft as Vinyl, or as fluffy and painful as Pinkie Pie, but her small, toned body has a comfortable feel of its own.
“Hey, uh, can you massage my wings?”
“Sure,” you reply, moving on top and unfurling her wings. You begin to rub them gently and she smiles in ecstasy. After a few minutes you return to your previous position. “Thanks,” she says. You're pleased that the air in the room has grown more casual, and are actually enjoying what you anticipated to be an incredibly awkward experience. You let out a breath over the back of her neck and she lets out a little moan of comfort.
“Hey, thanks,” she says quietly.
“No Problem.”


You wake up when you feel the warm form next to you stir. Memories begin to return to you.
“Hey, Dashie...”
She groans. “Never call me that.”
You look out the window and find only the darkness of night. You turn your head and find that the clock reads 12:30 am.
“We've been asleep for 12 hours,” you muse.
Rainbow Dash sighs. “I'm going back to bed.”
“Good idea.” You pull her close again and rub her tummy softly. She purrs and you both drift off to sleep again.