Diamond Tiara’ and Silver Spoon’s Bogus Journey
Chapter 3: A Play Date with Mr. Black
-oooooo-
Silver Spoon gasped as she saw the bony hand. From under the covers she could see the two burning eyes were placed in the sockets of a white skull. “It’s the Grim Reaper!”
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Great! Somepony else for you too fan-girl over...”
Silver Spoon let out a girly squee as she dove for the reaper’s robes and rubbed her face on them. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I’m rubbing my face on the robes of Death himself! Oh my gosh!”
“Hey!” the Reaper protested. “Mind the merchandise, mon!”
“Silver Spoon, I didn’t mean—”
Silver Spoon crawled back about a foot and looked up. “I’m sorry Mr. Grim Reaper… Can I call you Grim?”
“Well, actually—”
“I’m sorry, but I’m just such a huge fan about how you wisp the dead, kicking and screaming, from the mortal coil. I just…” Silver Spoon reached out and began rubbing Grim’s robes again. “I just need to touch you.”
“Wow…” Diamond Tiara said as she stared wide eyed at her friend. “Just wow…”
Silver Spoon turned and gave Diamond Tiara a look as if she was trying to melt her with her eyes. “SHUT UP, DIAMOND TIARA! THIS IS SO COOL, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!”
Grim reached down and forcefully yanked his robes out of Silver Spoon’s grasp. “Look,” he began in his heavily accented voice, “I appreciate that you’re a fan and all, but you two can’t be runnin’ around the afterlife like dis! You’re making everyone mad! And who do you think they send to clean up the mess, hmmm?”
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exchanged a couple of blank expressions.
“… The ghost police?” Diamond Tiara suggested.
“No! ME!” Grim snapped. “Believe it or not, I’ve got better things to do dan hang around with a couple of kids all day!”
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exchanged looks and then looked back up at Grim.
“Well, were are we supposed to go?” Diamond Tiara asked. “They don’t want us in heaven or hell!”
Silver Spoon nodded. “Yeah.” She smiled. “I mean… That just leaves being with you, right?”
“Silver Spoon! No!” Diamond Tiara cried.
The Reaper rubbed bony fingers against his bony chin. “Well… I suppose I could always use a few minions of the damned to help me out…”
“… Minions? Like—” Diamond Tiara swallowed “—servants?” she uttered in tone of pure dread that came out like she was speaking through a mouthful of thick tar. She wrapped her forelegs around herself and began to shake as she fell to the ground.
“No, Diamond Tiara!” Silver Spoon said as she rushed over to her friend’s side. She gently rocked Diamond Tiara. “Go to your happy place!”
Diamond Tiara began to rub her forehoves over her temples as she murmured to herself over and over, “Being pampered by penguins… Being pampered by penguins…” A content smile slowly spread across Diamond Tiara’s face. “Awwww…” she uttered happily.
Grim raised an eyebrow, his eyebrows being the only non-skeletal thing about him. “Did she just say ‘penguins’, mon?”
Silver Spoon shrugged. “She really likes penguins… I think it’s because they look like little butlers to her. Look, we’re kind of out of options! Maybe you can just send us home? It’s not like we’ve done anything to deserve being your minions of the damned!”
Grim stroked his jawbone. “I suppose you’re right.” The corners of his mouth pulled up into a wicked grin showing off all his bleached white teeth. “How’s about a little wager over a game, den?”
Diamond Tiara suddenly sprung to her feet. “DEAL!”
“What?!” Silver Spoon cried. “We don’t even know what game!”
“Too late~!” Grim sang out. He turned to an empty patch of ground and raised his hand causing two pillars of black and grey skulls neatly stacked atop one another to emerge from the ground. The pillars stopped once they were six skulls high.
“What?” Diamond Tiara said as she looked at Silver Spoon. “I’m awesome at games! I almost never lose.”
Silver Spoon narrowed her eyes. “That’s because you threw a fit and toss me out of your house when you lose! I just let you win. You’re actually terrible.”
“What! That’s not true!”
“You always try to win Risk by starting a land war in Haysia! Never get involved in a land war in Haysia!”
Grim placed his scythe into the top row of skulls by the jaws. It transformed into a simple green, red, and yellow striped pole. “Since we’re in Limbo, we’ll be playing me favorite game, Limbo.” He gave the girls a predatory grin. “If I win, which I will, you two have t’ become me minions.”
Diamond Tiara began to shiver violently.
Silver Spoon smirked. “Fine but if we win you have to be our best friend forever!”
“What?! No!” Grim and Diamond Tiara exclaimed simultaneously.
Silver Spoon turned towards Diamond Tiara and motioned to Grim. “Come on! He’s all black and spooky and he carries a scythe! How cool is that?!”
Grimm stood up straight with a smile on his face.
Diamond Tiara shook her head. “Silver Spoon, how many times do I have to tell you? This lame Goth stuff isn’t cool!” She motioned to Grim. “And he’s the lamest yet.”
Grim frowned heavily as he slumped forward.
Silver Spoon sighed. “Fine! Maybe he can help us get revenge on the ponies that sacrificed us!”
Diamond Tiara’s face lit up. “Hey! Yeah! That’s actually a good idea!” She turned towards Grim. “Okay, if we win you have to help kill four little ponies for us!”
“Hmph, is dat all?” Grim asked. “I kill little ponies all the time, dat’s hardly even askin’ a fa—”
“YEAH!” Silver Spoon exclaimed. She made a swinging motion with her forehooves. “Slice their bellies open and rip out there guts!” She mimed pulling something out of an opening as a mad grin crossed her face. “I’m going to cover myself with their viscera and write poetry with their blooooooood!”
Diamond Tiara sighed and shook her head. “She’s got a problem, okay?”
Grim stared at Silver Spoon blankly. “I noticed…” Grim shook his head and pointed towards the stick. “Alright girls. How low can you go? Jus’ pass under me staff head last.”
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at each other and shrugged.
Silver Spoon spoke up, “So we like… just walk backwards?”
“Naw … You gotta lean with your face up and walk under the pole. Like this.” Grim demonstrated, his bones cracking as his back went 90 degrees from his legs at his waist. He easily walked under the pole.
“What?!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed. “We can’t do that! We’re ponies! If we even tried to lean back like that our spines would shatter.”
“Not me problem, mon,” Grim said as she straightened himself upright.
“Wow, racist much?” Diamond Tiara said.
Grim frowned. “What?”
Silver Spoon raised a forehoof. “Technically, I think it’s ‘speciesist’, or more accurately a form of ‘speciesism’.”
Grim raised a bony finger in protest. “Now see here! I—”
“Oh, whatever!” Diamond Tiara said. She motioned towards grim. “He’s clearly taking advantage of the fact that we’re ponies! And he doesn’t even care!”
“Hey! It’s not my fault you two girls can’t physically play the game!”
Silver Spoon’s jaw unhinged. “Wow… I’m sorry Mr. Reaper., but that’s the most amount of speciesism I’ve ever heard in one sentence!”
“SEE! He’s a speciesismist! A total speciesismist! It’s the worst kind of ‘ist’ there is even after Socialist!”
Silver Spoon shuttered. “Uhg… It doesn’t get much worse than that…”
Grim’s eye sockets narrowed as he shot the girls an irritated sneer. “Fine! We’ll pick something else!”
Silver Spoon grinned. “You play chess, do you not?”
“Chest?!” Grim exclaimed in protest.
Silver Spoon’s left eye twitched.
“Ya crazy ponies are complaining’ about not being able to play Limbo and ya want to play a game where you hafta pick up and move pieces around?”
“Oh my gosh!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed. “So Speciesismists!”
Silver Spoon sighed heavily.
Grim gave Diamond Tiara a worried look.
“No really!” Diamond Tiara said. “This guy clearly just hates ponies! Wonder what his manager would have to say about his rampant racist speciesism!”
“Alright, fine! Chest it is!”
Diamond Tiara gritted her teeth. “Chess! No ‘t’.”
“Whatever, mom,” Grim said dismissively as he reached out to the striped pole which was his scythe. It transformed once again. This time into a chess board complete with pieces. The board hovered over the ground for a bit until the ground suddenly raised up to form a table. Chairs made from the earth appeared below Silver Spoon and Grim and soon the two were sitting face to face over a game of chess.
Grim grinned as he reached out for a black piece. “I hope ya don’t mind if I take the first move.”
“Of course I do!” Silver Spoon cried. “I’m white! White always goes first.”
Grim narrowed his eyes. “Now who’s bein’ racist?”
Silver Spoon looked down at Diamond Tiara.
Diamond Tiara shrugged.
“We don’t get it,” Silver Spoon said as she looked back up.
Grim sighed. “Never mind. Fine! Jus’ go first…”
-o~A hooffull of moves later~o-
“Checkmate!” Silver Spoon said happily.
“What?! No fair!” Grim whined.
“Wow!” Diamond Tiara said with rare, genuine admiration in her voice. “You must be super smart to beat Death at chess.”
Silver Spoon shook her head. “Not really, he’s just terrible. Kinda disappointing, really.”
“Hey!” Grim protested. “I was jus’ warmin’ up is all! Let’s go again!”
“What! No way!” Diamond Tiara cried. “We’ve got to get home!” She puffed out her lower lip. “I’m really starting to miss my bed.”
“No!” Grim cried. “There are two of you, so we’re playin’ another game for the both of you!”
“What!” Diamond Tiara cried. “That wasn’t the deal!”
“It’s fine, D.T.,” Silver Spoon said as she waved a forehoof about.
“Oh, come on!” Diamond Tiara cried. “Don’t you want to go and party in pony guts or something equally disturbing?!”
“Later,” Silver Spoon said, “it’s actually nice to play a game against somepony and get to try and win for a change.”
Diamond Tiara put on a grumpy look as she folded her forelegs across herself. “Fine!” she huffed out.
Grim grinned wickedly as he ran his robed arm over the board and placed his arm back at his side. The game board had reset.
“Wow, handy,” Diamond Tiara said. “Does that work for candy land?”
“Quiet,” Grim said. “Dis time I won’t go easy…”
-o~A hooffull of moves more~o-
Silver Spoon sighed heavily. “… Do you even know how to play this game?”
“Of course I do!” Grim said in an indignant tone. “The little guys up front can move one space at a time, two if it’s de first move! The horses move—”
“Little guys?! Horses?! You don’t even know what the pieces are called?!”
Grim sighed. “Look, as a reaper I’m expected to know how to play chest! I don’ need ta know every little t’ing about it!”
“For the last time! It’s pronounced “Chess” there’s no ‘t’!”
Grim folded his arms across his chest. “Oh great, now ya be makin’ fun of me accident.”
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever.” She reached forward and moved a piece. “Checkmate.”
“Bah!” Grim cried as he backhanded the board sending pieces everywhere.
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Oh boo-hoo. What’s your problem? You still get to murder children.”
Grim tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmmm… I suppose dis whole thing really was a win-win for me.” He grinned darkly. “Alright ladies, a deals a deal.” Grim reached his hand out to the chess board and it quickly flew towards his hand and transformed back into a scythe. “I’ll take ya home.”
“Finally!” Diamond Tiara huffed out.
“Yay!” Silver Spoon exclaimed. “MURDER!”
Diamond Tiara cocked an eyebrow at her friend. “Ummm… Right… It will be nice to settle the score with those blank flanks.”
Grim swung his scythe through the air, seemingly tearing at the emptiness itself and creating a swirling glowing pink hole as if Grimm had just torn the very fabric of reality itself.
“Follow me…” he said with a smile. Suddenly Grim contorted has the portal sucked him in head first, stretching the reaper out as he was engulfed in its twirling pink mass.
“Finally!” Diamond Tiara said.
Silver Spoon cocked an eyebrow. “Try not to get us killed again so quickly this time, alright?”
Diamond Tiara tapped at her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe if I start with the money, I’llllaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!”
The ponies both cried out in alarm as the felt their bodies being stretched headfirst towards the portal. The swirling bright pink light sucked in both the girls then closed on itself as if it had never been.