With the help of a several unicorns, the ship was lifted clear of the sea and the hole in the bottom was patched. We had to wait a few minutes for all the water to drain out. I kept trying to get Twilight to just abandon the project and find us another means of travel.
“At least name the boat Celestia's sick sense of humor because that’s what got us into this situation,” I said.
Twilight did not reply as she directed the workers in preparing the boat for painting. I didn’t know what they expected to cover with the paint. Decades of rot, probably.
The other ponies were not very enthusiastic at the prospect of spending time on a ship that would have served better as a garbage barge, but they at least were willing to contribute to the repairs. Rainbow, Rarity, and Applejack got the sails strung up. Fluttershy and Pinkie helped with the paint crew.
I sat on the shore, trying to think of a name and/or trying to figure out how to steal one of the sleek Equestrian Navy ships docked nearby. I wasn’t having much luck with either.
Perhaps we could name it Iron Maiden after one of my ex girlfriends.
My attention was distracted when some supply ponies came by with a load of gear to bring onboard. In the middle of the pile was a cannon.
It actually looked to be in pretty decent shape. Intrigued, I walked over and took a closer look.
“I thought this was a science and exploration mission,” said Twilight, who had also seen the cannon.
One of the supply ponies consulted his list. “Cannon, one, to be used for demonstration.”
Twilight nodded. “Oh, I read about that. It’s used for a signal, or for a formal salute.”
“Can it actually shoot?” I asked.
“I don’t see why not,” said the pony. “We weren’t ordered to give you any cannonballs, though. This is just for making noise.”
Twilight thanked him and said that she would be sending a list over later for more supplies. All of them went back to work.
I took over cannon duty. I got it installed on a swiveling mount at the rear deck. It was near the wheel that controlled the rudder. As designated steer-er, I expected that I would be standing there a lot.
I took a trip around the boat. The area below deck was still soggy, but appeared to be drying quickly. I encountered Pinkie, who was fixing lunch.
“Ahoy there!” she said. “I’m working on my ‘sea’ voice, matey! Now I'm a monkey! Eekey leaky loo!”
“Leaky Loo,” I muttered. “That would be a perfect name for this stinking outhouse. Sinking outhouse, that is.”
I said goodbye to her and wandered outside. The sails had been put up, and more gear was coming aboard. Huh, maybe this trip would get going on time after all.
Twilight found me. “If you’re not doing anything, do you think you could be useful and take this acquisition list over to the warehouse and get the stuff we need?”
I took the piece of paper. “I can do that. You know Twilight, you look tense.”
“I’ve been up since early this morning trying to organize a complete overhaul on this vessel,” she snapped. “It’s not easy.”
“Jeeze," I said. "You really need to loosen up a little. Maybe we should name it The Relation so you could finally be in a relationship."
She flushed slightly and turned away. I walked away to the supply department to aquire the things on the list.
“It’ll take a while to get this stuff,” said the pony I gave it to. “We’ll bring everything over later.”
I went back to the ship and spent the rest of the morning helping Pinkie perfect her hardtack biscuits. Much as I liked them, with that much sugar they would never keep, so I regretfully told her to tone it down a little.
Twilight came through at noon and told us she was treating everyone to lunch for all the hard work. She glared at me while she said the last two words.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not hungry.”
While they were all gone, the stuff we’d ordered came. I helped carry the eight cutlasses, half a dozen cannons, pile of cannonballs, and spare gunpowder below deck.
Twilight hadn’t ordered any of that stuff, but if she minded, she shouldn’t have left the acquisition list in my care. It was almost like it was her fault.
While I waited for them all to get back, I took stock of my own equipment. My distilling system was accounted for. The set of tools was packed carefully away. All the robot parts were in their place.
“Well Captain,” I said, “It looks like we’re almost ready to go.”
The falcon preened his feathers and did not reply.
I went up to the back deck to load the cannon. Pouring some gunpowder down the muzzle and dropping in a cannonball was easy enough. Once we got out on the ocean, I could set up the others.
After the ponies and Spike returned from lunch, the supply workers brought over more stuff, including food. Most of it was packaged so it would keep for a while. For some reason, there were eighty cans of sauerkraut.
“Oops,” said one of the supply ponies. “I guess that was supposed to be just eight.”
“It’s all right,” I told him. “I’ll eat it.”
“Wow,” said Rainbow. “You actually like sauerkraut? That weird.”
I shrugged. “I like eating some and then breathing on people to watch them squirm.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “You would.”
“You’re a bitch, Twilight.”
“Oh, I like that,” said Pinkie. “We should name the ship that.”
“Let’s not,” said Applejack.
“But we do need a name,” pointed out Rarity.
“We could ask some of the sailors,” suggested Fluttershy. “I’m sure they have plenty of ideas.”
“Celestia’s Posterior!” shouted one of the sea ponies when we asked. There was a chorus of laughter from the crowd.
“Hey, I like this guy,” I said. “I don’t think it’s a very impressive thing to name a ship after, but it’s funny.”
“You don’t think it’s impressive?” asked the pony.
“Silly,” said Pinkie. “Valiant doesn’t think anypony’s posterior is impressive.”
The ship had been made ready for a formal christening ceremony. Everything, somehow, had been put in its place and we were nearly ready to sail. One rope still held it to the dock. Some mixed fruit juice in an ornate bottle had been prepared to smash on the bow. That was the way things were done in Equestria since they didn’t know the wonders of alcohol.
A stiff breeze had come up, which would work to our advantage to push the ship away from the dock when we got ready to go.
I was eating from a can of sauerkraut as I watched the crowd argue over the name of the ship.
“This is getting ridiculous,” said Twilight. Some of the sailors appeared to nearly be coming to blows.
“Do you have a better idea?” I asked.
“Actually, I do. I know what we should call the ship.”
I pointed to the crowd. “Good luck getting their attention.”
She glanced back, spying the cannon.
“I loaded that,” I said helpfully. I didn’t say with what.
“Thanks Valiant.” Twilight made her way to the aft deck. Her horn lit up and the fuse began to sizzle.
When the cannon went off with a thundering explosion, the ball whizzed out of the barrel and smashed through the hull of the Navy ship next to us.
Fluttershy squealed in surprise, recoiling from the noise and knocking the bottle of juice overboard. The crowd went silent, staring at the destruction the cannon had caused.
“We’re going to kill you all!” shouted one of the senior sailors.
“Hey, that’s pretty good,” I said. I poured sauerkraut juice on the bow and said, “I hereby christen thee Equestrian Navy Ship We’re going to kill you all. May God grant us absolutely hilarious misunderstandings with primitive societies.”
Finished with the ceremony, I shouted, “Burn though that rope, Spike!” The dragon nodded, and with a puff of green fire the rope holding the ship to the dock fell away.
I got a hold of the mainsail tiedown and undid it, letting the canvas flap free. The wind pushed the ship away from the dock, just ahead of a crowd of angry sailors. Luckily, most ponies in the Equestrian Navy weren’t pegasi, and they were unable to pursue us.
I ambled to the aft deck where Twilight still stood, looking stunned. Taking hold of the wheel, I smartly snapped the rudder around and got us pointed out to sea.
“What…” Twilight started.
I bumped her shoulder playfully. “You’re in the Navy now.”
Many thanks to Doctor Whooves for the cover art.