“Oh...I didn't expect to find you here.”
Twilight found herself once more standing at the doorway of her mentor's private study, eying the Changeling Queen that was making herself comfortable on Princess Celestia's favorite cushion. As a change of pace, this time Chrysalis seemed to be focusing intently upon a chessboard at her side, rather than waking from an ill-timed nap.
“And just where else would I be?” Chrysalis replied, not glancing towards the purple princess.
“Uhm, just about anywhere in the castle, really.” Twilight answered, after a moment of thought. While technically a prisoner to Princess Celestia, the Changeling Queen basically had full-run of the castle, and could even leave Canterlot Castle provided she was escorted. No one thought this to be an especially large concession, as Twilight was fairly sure that if Chrysalis wanted to leave it would be rather difficult to stop her. Given the changeling's skills, experience and personal power, truly imprisoning her would have likely called for fairly extreme measures.
“Where else would I choose to be?” The changeling pointedly asked, still not looking towards Twilight, her gaze fixed upon the gameboard and it's pieces.
Now that she thought about it, Chrysalis did seem to prefer to keep to Princess Celestia's private study more often than not.
“Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you or anything.” Twilight apologized after a moment.
While she had trouble considering the Changeling Queen as anything like a friend, their relationship had become far less adversarial than it once was. Ever since Twilight had been properly introduced to Chrysalis, their interactions had been confusing, at best. And seeing as Twilight was a major part of the agreement that lead to Chrysalis stepping down as the queen of her changelings and being placed under a sort of house arrest, she had resigned herself to having to regularly expose herself to the unpredictable Changeling Queen.
Not that she minded terribly, but Twilight had some non-changeling issues weighing on her mind right now.
“...Well?”
Twilight looked up, broken from her thoughts at Chrysalis' prompting, the Changeling Queen having torn her gaze away from her gameboard “Well, what?”
“Was there something you needed?” Chrysalis asked, with an upraised eyebrow.
“Oh, I-...uhm, no?” Twilight hesitantly replied.
“...I don't know why you're lying, but you need to practice.” Chrysalis said.
“What? Why would you think I'm lying?”
“For one thing, your voice gives you away when you try to lie.”
“That could be-”
“And, instead of denying that you are lying, you're trying to use vague responses to try to mislead me.”
“Alright, I get-”
“You also expressed surprise at finding me here, and there's only one other individual that you would reasonably expect to find in her own study. Meaning, that you're clearly-”
“Fine! I was trying to find Princess Celestia!” Twilight eventually blurted out.
“...Now was that so hard?” The Changeling Queen asked with a too-smug look on her face.
Twilight couldn't help but send a look of annoyance at that jab.
“Your body language also gave you away. You try to shy away and cover yourself when you know that you're lying.” Chrysalis added a moment later, utterly unbothered by the young princess' ire.
“...Anything else you would like to add?” Twilight asked, with a frown.
“Only, that I expected better from you. I never thought I would see the day when the word 'princess' became synonymous with 'liar'.” Chrysalis replied in a faux-sugary tone.
Twilight gave out a sigh “You know from a certain point-of-view, I wasn't-”
“I really don't care if you lie to me. I would however appreciate it if you put a bit of effort into it.” Chrysalis interjected.
Twilight again frowned, a bit perturbed by the Changeling Queen's odd priorities.
“In any event, Celestia probably won't be along for another few hours. She's holding her little court right now.” Chrysalis eventually supplied in an off-hoof manner, as she turned her attention back to her chess board.
“That long? Princess Celestia's sessions don't normally go on like that.” Twilight quickly latched on to the change of topic.
“I tried to assist her in moving things along, but evidently scaring away her petitioners is going too far.” Chrysalis explained.
“You were scaring off her supplicants?” Twilight asked with some surprise.
“I wasn't exactly cackling madly, while shooting off bolts of magic, but you could say that. And frankly, if their issues are of so little importance they can't brave my annoyance, then clearly they don't need to be bothering Celestia.” Chrysalis elaborated.
“And let me guess...she kicked you out, and now has to round up all the ponies you drove off.”
“An astounding lack of gratitude, isn't it?”
“Staggering.” Twilight dryly replied, earning a chuckle from the Changeling Queen. Glancing to her side now, the young princess considered this information for a moment “I suppose, if Princess Celestia is going to be tied up for that long...”
“Giving up that easily?” Chrysalis chimed.
“You just told me that she's going to be busy for the next few hours.” Twilight reminded.
“And you think she wouldn't make time for you?”
“Well-...I'm sure she would, but...it's really not that important, anyway.”
“...So, now you've revealed yourself as a liar, once more.”
Twilight blinked at this accusation “What?”
“Another tip for the future, you need to keep your story straight.” Chrysalis supplied.
“I- why do you think I'm lying, now?” Twilight demanded, confused now.
“You did say that you were trying to find Celestia, just a few moments ago, did you not?” The Changeling Queen reminded, even as she brought a hole-filled hoof to her chin, as she continued to consider her game.
“Yes. But, I don't see-” Twilight began.
“You make a special trip all the way to Canterlot, specifically to find and speak with Celestia, and at the smallest impediment you're ready to give up. You might think that you want to speak with her about something, but you're obviously looking for an excuse not to.” Chrysalis elaborated.
“That-...that's nothing but conjecture, Chrysalis. You can't-” Twilight began.
“I'll go get Celestia right now then.” The changeling cut-in, even as she stood up.
“What?”
“I'm sure I can tear her away from her adoring subjects for a few minutes. Then you can tell her whatever it is you need to-” Chrysalis began, as she began walking towards the door to the study.
“Wait!” Twilight blurted out, earning a knowing look from the Changeling Queen.
“That is...it would be rude...” Twilight pitifully supplied.
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow at this response.
“Alright...maybe, this isn't something I'm really ready to talk with her about...” Twilight slowly admitted.
“Romance issues?”
Twilight couldn't help but stare up in shock at the changeling's quick answer “How did you-”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes at this “Some credit, please. You're not that difficult to read.”
Twilight furrowed her brow at this, not sure if she should take it as an insult or not.
“Oh, don't be like that. All I meant, is that you're both rational and reasonable.” Chrysalis explained.
“Are you trying to suggest that I should try to be less rational and reasonable now?” The princess asked, with some skepticism.
“Not at all. It makes you rather tolerable, actually...It also makes it much easier to toy with you.” Chrysalis primly replied.
Twilight turned to the side, before loosing a sigh. She really couldn't be surprised by that answer.
“Well, that's just great...” The young alicorn muttered aloud.
“Isn't it though? I could even tell you exactly how I was able to deduce your little problem, if you'd-” Chrysalis began to offer.
“I don't think that will be necessary. Thanks.” Twilight irritably cut-in.
“Oh...well, suit yourself.” The changeling hastily replied, after a moment.
The young princess had to look up at that response, somewhat thrown by Chrysalis' tone.
She almost sounded...disappointed.
Twilight found herself briefly reminded of all the times that she would try to share her own knowledge with those she knew, only for them to, at best, barely show any interest. She knew that she could run at the mouth sometimes, but still, it was always a bit dissatisfying to be dismissed by those around you.
“Uhm...I mean, I suppose if you really thought it might help...” Twilight tried to offer. It was odd, to say the least, that she could find herself showing any concern for Chrysalis' feelings, especially over something so small. But those occasional small displays of...normality, made it too easy to see the Changeling Queen as not that different from a typical pony.
Things were so much easier, when she simply saw Chrysalis as another villainous monster.
What Twilight couldn't figure out, was why the changeling was bothered at all. Chrysalis didn't seem like the sort to put any stock in the opinions of others, or to be affected by such a small thing. If anything, she seemed very practiced in projecting nothing less than absolute confidence and strength. Some cynical part of Twilight's mind wondered if this recent display was a put upon act, to gain sympathy or some such thing.
“No, it's not really all that relevant to your issue anyway.” Chrysalis replied with a dismissive wave of one of her hooves.
“I'm honestly kind of curious. So, please-” Twilight pressed.
“What exactly is the issue between you and your little prince?” The changeling interrupted a bit sharply. That was usually a sign to drop whatever topic you were trying to pursue with her.
Twilight was briefly tempted to stick to it, but knew well enough that she wouldn't get anywhere with the stubborn queen. That being said, she also wasn't that keen on sharing her current personal problem with Chrysalis' either.
The changeling let loose an abrupt sigh, seeing Twilight's reticence “Let me guess, you have no idea how to actually go about dating somepony, do you?”
Twilight glanced to the side, not denying what Chrysalis was suggesting.
“I can only assume you've never had any romantic partners before now, correct?”
“...Not really.” Twilight admitted.
“Not even your brash pegasus friend?” Chrysalis asked in a teasing tone.
“I-...what? Why would you think that?” Twilight asked, not understanding where the Changeling Queen could have gotten the idea that she and Rainbow Dash could of...
“I knew it. Celestia liked to entertain that idea. But, I always told her it was just another ridiculous cliché that she was entertaining; the bookish introvert falling for the boldly confident athlete.” Chrysalis said, mostly to herself.
“Wait...have you two have been speculating about my love life?” Twilight demanded, bewildered by the implication.
“Hm? Oh, yes. Celestia was always eager to tell me about you, during our little get-togethers.” Chrysalis explained, referring to the friendly meetings the two rulers used to have when they weren't forced to be at odds with one another “She ended up spending a great deal of time wondering when you were going to start dating. Really, she's a bit of a busybody, when it comes to romance.”
Twilight did not know how to react to that. On the one hoof, it was kind of nice to know that Princess Celestia thought so highly of her that she would tell others about her. On the other hoof, she didn't know how to take it, that the Princess of the Sun seemed to be rather concerned with her love-life. Or lack thereof.
“Ok...but that still doesn't explain why she thought I would end up dating Rainbow Dash.” Twilight reminded.
“As I said, she's has a bit of a weakness for these sorts of cliches. After the years she spent trying to set you up with somepony amounted to nothing, I think Celestia's latched onto what she thought would be a...cute match. With no real concern for the reality.” Chrysalis elaborated.
“...What are you talking about? I don't remember Princess Celestia ever trying to set me up with anypony.” Twilight pointed out.
“You don't recall all the times she went out of her way to get you to meet other ponies around your age?” Chrysalis asked.
“Well, yes. But-”
“Specifically inviting you to small social functions, where she would then introduce you to physically attractive stallions and mares. Then spending inordinate amounts of time getting them to tell you about themselves, even as she made a point to extoll their virtues.” Chrysalis continued.
“That doesn't mean-”
“Did she make you dress-up for these small get-togethers? Did she perhaps comment on how you and some of these ponies looked 'nice' together?” The Changeling Queen asked with a raised eyebrow.
The young princess' eyes steadily widened, as she was struck by a shocking revelation “Starswirl's beard...She's been trying to- Princess Celestia wants me to-...That's been going on for years!”
“Indeed.”
“She's been trying to set me up with somepony all this time?! How could I have not noticed this?!” Twilight demanded.
“A question for the ages, I'm sure.”
“I mean, has she been trying to- to-...”
“...Get you laid?” Chrysalis supplied for the distraught alicorn.
Twilight immediately paled, before suddenly turning bright red.
“I think we both know the answer to that, Twilight Sparkle.” Chrysalis gleefully added.
The young princess immediately sank to the floor, before using her hooves to cover her face, desperate to escape that thought.
“In any event, Celestia's just pleased as a peach, that you've finally decided to pursue somepony. Even more so, given that it's her own beloved nephew.” Chrysalis added, happy to throw fuel onto the fire.
Twilight immediately went rigid, after having that little bit pointed out to her.
“But, why?!” Twilight demanded, still trying to wrap her mind around this.
“It's just her way of dealing with her circumstances, I suppose.” Chrysalis flippantly replied.
“Circumstances?” Twilight asked, not understanding what the changeling meant.
“Yes, making sure that those Celestia cares about find love and happiness and eventually bless the world with little children to carry on their memory...or something like that.” Chrysalis elaborated, in a casual tone.
Twilight couldn't help but stare, suspecting that the conversation had careened off into an entirely different direction. It only took a moment for Chrysalis to notice this reaction, and only a little longer to understand what it signified.
Twilight was briefly surprised by the irritated look that crossed the Changeling Queen's expression, as Chrysalis let out a heated sigh “She still hasn't had the Talk with you, has she?”
“The Talk? Wait, you mean about...intercourse?” The young alicorn hesitantly asked, even more confused now.
The Changeling Queen rose a hole-filled hoof to her brow, as she tried to rub away some of her growing frustration.
“No. I'm referring to the important discussion that she needs to have with you, that she keeps putting off, due to her terrible coddling habit.” Chrysalis explained, with no small amount of agitation.
This did quite a bit to clarify the situation for Twilight, leaving her to recall certain emotionally draining conversations that she had fallen into with the Changeling Queen previously.
Chrysalis loosed another sigh, before looking down towards the young princess “Enough of this. What exactly is the problem you're having with Blueblood?”
“Wait a minute. Why-” Twilight began.
Chrysalis held up her hoof to forestall Twilight's objection “If Celestia had spoken to you before now, you would know that waiting is not always going to be an option. Now, are you going to let me help you or not?”
A few minutes later...
“So, why exactly is it that you want to help me?”
It had taken a bit for Twilight to calm down, after recent revelations, though she was happy to say that her rational side had reasserted itself. Which was fortunate, as Chrysalis held little patience for her little freak-out, and had at one point threatened to berate the young princess into calmness, if she didn't get it together. That had actually helped a bit, as the sheer departure from logic that threat entailed had gripped the reasonable part of her mind, and dragged it to the forefront. Granted, this still lead to a brief argument over the fact, that you couldn't reasonably expect to harass someone into calming down, but still...
“Because, you are clearly in desperate need of advice...also, I was getting bored waiting on Celestia.” Came the changeling's, somewhat condescending, reply.
“And you are going to be the one providing me this advice?” Twilight asked, skeptically.
“You could always go speak to Cadenza, about how you're having doubts concerning dating her beloved big brother.” Came Chrysalis' easy counter.
“I- that doesn't necessarily make you an expert in the field.” Twilight argued.
“Regardless, the important thing is, that I know more about the subject than you do.” Chrysalis said with a wave of her hoof.
“...And just how many centuries did it take for you to admit that you were attracted to Princess Celestia?” Twilight dryly inquired.
“And just how many centuries do you have to waste talking about this?” Chrysalis sharply retorted.
Twilight had to duck her head, when the Changeling Queen brought that subject back up. The subject of her nigh immortality, and the distinct lack of immortality that most ponies possessed.
The changeling let out a harsh sigh, as she rubbed her brow “Perhaps that was uncalled for...let's move on.”
The young princess had to spare a glance, at that response. She knew from experience, that it was like pulling teeth getting Chrysalis to apologize for anything. While not exactly an apology, it was about as close to one as she had ever gotten from the Changeling Queen. And it was unprompted at that.
“Now. I assume you've done some manner of...research into this subject, yes? You seem like the type.” Chrysalis soon prompted, as she paced in front of the young princess.
“Uhm, yes, actually. I managed to find some guidebooks and self-help books on the subject. Nothing peer-reviewed, unfortunately. I also managed to get some recommendations for notable romantic fictions, from Rarity. I haven't managed to go through those yet.” Twilight quickly summed up.
“It's just as well. None of that is going to be of any great help to you.” Chrysalis explained.
“How do you mean?” Twilight asked with a tilt of her head.
“Books like that are meant to assist typical ponies, that are dealing with typical problems...In what ways are you typical?” The changeling asked.
“I suppose, you have a point there. But what about the romances? I might be able to-” Twilight began.
“I can already tell you, that if you try to pull any tricks from those books he's going to realize it.” Chrysalis quickly interjected.
“Oh, right...” She'd almost forgotten about Prince Blueblood's secret pastime. He was actually the famed, or infamous depending on who you asked, romance novelist Princess Purple Prose. That little facet about the stallion had come out recently, when his pen name had been leaked to the pubic. This in turn, had lead to the prince being linked to a fairly large, and inexplicably popular, collection of trashy romance novels. To Blueblood's displeasure, as he had never intended his stories to be taken so seriously.
“I suppose, he wouldn't really care for that kind of romance then.” Twilight noted to herself.
“I wouldn't say that.” Chrysalis replied.
“Hm?”
“He wouldn't be writing those stories if he was anything other than a romantic at heart.” The changeling explained.
“I don't understand what you mean. Blueblood's always going on about how disappointed he is, that so many ponies take those stories seriously. They're supposed to be satire, right?” Twilight pointed out.
“They are. That does not mean he's not a romantic.”
Twilight made a gesture with her hoof, to prompt Chrysalis to continue.
Rolling her eyes, at having to explain what she thought should have been obvious, Chrysalis took several steps towards Twilight “What his little novels are meant to mock, is the overly-dramatic, cliché-riddled romances that ponies are increasingly mistaking for reality.”
The young princess had to consider that for a few moments “You're saying that he wants romance, but he wants it to be natural. To come from the heart.”
“Precisely. Which is exactly your problem, as you have no idea how to provide that for him.” Chrysalis summed up, eliciting a look of chagrine from Twilight.
“Right...” She might have phrased it differently, but Twilight really had no proper idea, as to how she was supposed to be...romantic. She had never flirted with anypony, or gone on dates, or kissed anypony. There was a great big gap in her knowledge, that she had never gotten around to filling, till now.
Sure, she had gone on several dates with the handsome prince, after having decided to pursue him. But, at no point did they feel, at all, romantic. She'd chatted with him about current events, had some meals with him, before eventually returning to the palace, and then Ponyville.
They seemed more like friendly outings, than dates, when you laid them out like that.
“So...what exactly would you suggest for addressing that?” Twilight asked, even as she looked back up towards the Changeling Queen.
“Simple...you practice.”
“What? How am I supposed to practice that?” Twilight contended. After all, the whole point of practice, was to improve your skills in a low-risk environment. Where if you screwed up, the consequences would be minimal. If she ended up dropping the ball with Blueblood it could end things before they even began.
Chrysalis didn't respond, and instead stared at the young princess.
“I mean, I can't exactly just...flirt with him, until I get it right...Can I?” Twilight eventually asked.
“Actually, you can.” The changeling answered, in a matter-of-fact manner.
“How do you-” Twilight began, before being cut-off by a bright flash of green fire.
When the magical fires dissipated, there stood Prince Blueblood where Chrysalis had been standing, in all of his handsome glory. His carefully cultivated posh accent soon cut through the air “How do you think?”
Twilight couldn't help but stare for several seconds, as she tried to process what the changeling was suggesting. It didn't take long.
“No, no, no, no, no! There is no way! We are absolutely not doing that!”
“Stop acting like such a petulant filly.” Chrysalis replied, now in her own resonant voice.
“I'm not acting petulant! This is just too weird!” Twilight heatedly countered.
It was even weirder now, with Chrysalis using her own voice, while still maintaining Blueblood's own very masculine, very handsome appearance.
“Oh, please. I can't imagine that this is the weirdest thing you've ever experienced. And just the smallest show of gratitude for what I'm offering might be nice.” Chrysalis replied, in a dismissive tone.
“How I can be grateful, that you're giving me the opportunity to flirt with you?!” The young princess demanded.
“You won't be flirting with Queen Chrysalis, you will be flirting with Prince Blueblood. I don't understand what is so difficult to grasp about that.” Chrysalis irritably explained.
“You're the one that's going to be Blueblood!”
“Will you please calm down? I had enough of your shouting earlier.” Chrysalis sharply retorted, earning a embarrassed look from Twilight over her outburst.
“Thank you...Now, this is very simple. We're going to sit here and walk through a simple date, one that you might have with your little popinjay. As we go along, I will helpfully be pointing out everything you do wrong. That is it.” Chrysalis calmly reiterated for the young princess.
“I don't think I can do this.” Twilight admitted, as she vigorously rubbed a hoof across her brow.
“Ugh, what exactly is the problem? Surely you've had, I don't know...tea-parties with Cadenza when you were little. It's the same principle.” Chrysalis pointed out.
“I never had any tea-parties when I was little.”
“Well, what did you do then?” The changeling demanded.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...Well?” Chrysalis prompted again.
“...Book-fort sieges.” Twilight eventually admitted.
“Are you being serious?” The Changeling Queen asked.
“The library had a lot of books...” Twilight tried to explain, even as she shuffled her hooves around.
Chrysalis shook her, or rather Prince Blueblood's, head at this explanation “Alright. The point is you have a basic understanding of playing pretend.”
“You know that's not the main issue.” Twilight pointed out.
“For the love of- I have absolutely no romantic attraction towards you whatsoever. My interests are solely towards Celestia and nopony else...There, satisfied?”Chrysalis demanded.
“I don't-” Twilight began.
“And unless you're harboring some sort of deeply-seated romantic notions towards me-”
“What?! No!” Twilight decisively declared.
“-then there shouldn't be any reason for awkwardness. Right?” Chrysalis finished without missing a beat.
“...I guess not.” The young princess conceded to that logic. Glancing back towards Chrysalis “But are you sure you can manage to act like Blueblood, convincingly?”
“That is not going to be an issue. If I were truly interested in impersonating the little prince, it would likely be months before anypony could notice that something was amiss.” Chrysalis boasted.
“Really? I recall noticing something amiss pretty quickly, when you were impersonating Cadance.” Twilight reminded the Changeling Queen.
“As I recall, you were the only one to notice much of anything. I also recall, everypony dismissing you as a crazily-possesive little sister, before I then imprisoned you below Canterlot. Anymore smart remarks you would like to dispense?” Chrysalis countered.
“Not right now, no.” Twilight replied with a bit of a glare.
“Good...” The changeling remarked, before clearing her throat. The next words out of mouth, were spoken in the posh, masculine tones of a certain prince “...Shall we begin?”