Princess Rainbow Dash
Dearest Diary,
My rather clever method of keeping my entries on various scrolls to avoid discovery of my secrets has been thwarted. The scrolls have all gone missing, and although I suspect foul play, I have no evidence to support my suspicions.
I was pleasantly surprised when Princess Cadance overheard my wailing understood my dilemma and offered a solution: this journal. The ink disappears after I write in it, but will reappear at my will. I suppose I should thank her. But I'll probably forget.
Today was uneventful, for the most part. Auntie Celestia was right: I shouldn't have eaten that cake. My suit for the Gala is too tight and I must lose the weight before the party. I asked my council for advice. Mr. Fuzzy Bottom thinks that I should eat less at every meal. Sergeant Snuffles agrees. He thinks that perfect control over my calorie intake will keep me from swelling up like a marshmallow.
Sometimes I hate my life. And my servants. They are SO annoying. So, I had to carry my OWN bed sheets to the washing room. And I got there, and the servants are washing THEIR things so I turn to one of them and I'm like, "May I throw in my sheets with your one handkerchief?" And she's all like, "No!" And I'm all like, "Whatever."
Maybe my special talent is washing...yes, dear diary, I have a confession. You've known me for many years and I finally feel comfortable sharing this with you: I have no cutie mark. I've had a servant paint one on me every morning ever since the day after Princess Rainbow Dash's coronation. Le sigh...I'm too tired to think about it anymore. I'm going to get some royal beauty sleep.
I love you, Diary,
Prince Blueblood
Back in her bedroom, Cadance sat on her bed with her own magical book in front of her. She laughed and watched as Blueblood's hoof writing appeared in the pages of her book. "Oooooh, he's going to HATE me for this!" She giggled. "I had no idea he had a collection of stuffed animals!" She closed the cover of her book when Prince Blueblood appeared in her doorway.
"The new book isn't working. The words aren't reappearing after I write them."
"Oh, you need to write A LOT before the words start reappearing," Cadance explained. "You must have written only a little bit. Try it again." Blueblood left, and Cadance opened her book again, reading the words with sadistic glee.
In Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was suffering from a severe case of "Princess Wanting More" Syndrome (PWMS). She decided that the best way to express the symptoms and reach a cure would be to write to Princess Celestia...and sing along as she wrote the words! "'It isn't that I'm ungrateful for all the things that I've learned...blah blah blah...I'm not a great songwriter or whatever...I want to have a magical contribution...I want to have a pretty castle of my own...by which I mean a pretty awesome castle! Not that the Cloudimonium isn't awesome, but a castle would be cooler...' Hey, I almost hit that note!" She observed with glee. She placed the letter in an envelope, stuck her head out the window, and called for Derpy. Derpy had gotten more than just the promotion she wanted: she was now the Official Messenger for Princess Rainbow Dash (OMPRD)! Derpy would not rest day or night until Rainbow Dash's messages were sent, read, and replied to. This was why it took her less than an hour to make the trip from Ponyville to Canterlot and back to Ponyville! "Oh, two letters?" Rainbow observed when Derpy appeared.
"Yep! One of them is from Princess Celestia. See you later, Dash!" Derpy waved before continuing on her normal mail route. Rainbow tore open the first envelope and read the Sun Princess's hoofwriting aloud:
"'You're not ready for a solo song or a castle of your own. Cadance isn't, either. You both must be patient. As for your special spell, you must wait and discover it on your own time.'" How did she know I was singing? Is she spying on me? Creepy... She placed that letter aside and opened the second letter. A more relaxed smile appeared when she recognized Cadance's informal signature.
"'Dear Rainbow Dash, enclosed are copies of Blueblood's latest diary entries. Use them well. Love from Candy.'" Rainbow grinned. "I gotta show these to Pinkie Pie!" She flew from her Cloudimonium and headed for the park about a block away from the Town Square...but when she arrived, she saw that the ponies looked concerned...Twilight was making a speech of some sort...no, an announcement?
"Smoke is spreading all over Equestria!" Really? All over Equestria? "But don't worry, I've just received a letter from Princess Celestia informing me that it's not coming from a fire!" Why didn't she just tell me this in the letter she sent me? "It's coming from a dragon!" WHAT?
Later, at the Golden Oak Library...
"What in the name of all things cinnamon swirl is a full-grown dragon doing in Equestria?" Applejack wondered. All of the Elements of Harmony had been gathered together for this...mission? Does she want us to use the Elements of Harmony to send it to the moon or something? That kinda makes sense...I guess...
"You DO know that dragons ARE commonly found on the outskirts of Equestria, right? That they fly over Equestria yearly? That several dragon eggs are abandoned every year, making it easy for ponies to take spare eggs and study them once they hatch? It's KIND of related to how Twilight ended up with Spike!" Rainbow facehoofed.
"...this doesn't answer mah question..."
"Sleeping," Twilight replied.
"Huh?" WHAT?
"According to Princess Celestia, he's taking a nap. His snoring is what's causing all the smoke," she explained.
"He should REALLY see a doctor. That doesn't sound healthy at all!" Pinkie said.
"Why didn't Celestia tell us this sooner?? I mean, how many ponies are down here? We could have evacuated and relocated a long time ago to prevent the stress AND keep the dragon happy! Also, why has he JUST started snoring now? How long has he been asleep?" Rainbow demanded, folding her arms.
"At least he's not snoring fire!" Rarity pointed out. "But what are WE meant to do about it?" Are we just going to ignore my questions? ...okay...
"I'll tell you what we're gonna do! We're gonna give him the boot! TAKE THAT!" Rainbow kicked a bust of a horse's head. Twilight hurried to straighten it up with her magic.
"We need to ENCOURAGE him to sleep somewhere else. Princess Celestia has given us this mission, and if we fail, Equestria will be covered in smoke for the next hundred years!" Which brings me back to my original questions...how long has he been asleep? Why has he JUST started snoring? Oh, maybe I'm thinking too hard about this...I should get in the spirit!
One awesome preparation montage later...
"It looks cold up there..." Applejack observed, gazing at the mountain. The ponies had gathered back at Twilight's library with supplies, including food rations, party favors, assorted gloves and scarves, and protective gear. Rainbow Dash only brought one thing with her: her awesomeness! And Twilight had the map, which she was examining now. Rainbow looked at the mountain and smiled.
"You bet it is! The higher you go, the chillier it gets!" She said, shivering. The great thing about Pegasus ponies was that they weren't easily affected by heat or cold. They had a high tolerance for both. Rainbow always suspected that her tolerance increased when she became an Alicorn, but now would be a great chance to find out!
"Good thing I brought my scarf!" Rarity chirped, wrapping herself in a pink article of clothing. Rainbow snorted.
"Yeah, THAT'LL keep you nice and toasty." She noticed Twilight examining the map of the mountains and Fluttershy chasing after Spike and some of her animal friends. Spike would be in charge of the wildlife while the Elements were on this mission, and Rainbow thought of at least two ponies who could take care of the animals better than Spike: Big Mac, who had experience with animals from being a farmer, and Carrot Top, who knew which carrots rabbits liked the most. Anyway, Rainbow decided to approach Twilight and ask:
"Hey Twilight, how come YOU get to lead this mission? I'm the princess, so shouldn't I be leading?"
"Princess Celestia said I'm the leader," Twilight shrugged.
"I mean, I'm not upset or anything, I'm just wondering..." Rainbow cocked her head to the side, lost in thought for a moment. "Anyway, are you sure you want Fluttershy to come along? I mean, that pony IS scared of her own shadow...she's just gonna slow us down, and I don't want to put her in a situation where she feels like she's being forced to do something she doesn't want to do..." Rainbow's voice trailed off.
"Oh, she's just a little nervous. Once we get going, I'm sure she'll be fine!" Twilight chirped. She turned to the rest of the group. "All right girls, move out!" They galloped towards the mountain, carrying a screaming Fluttershy with them.
Later, at the mountain...
Wow, this episode does jump locations a lot, doesn't it?
Pinkie Pie, get out of the fourth wall! Ahem...later, at the mountain...
Earthquakes and other strange tremors shook the ground as the Elements reached the mountain. The ruckus was almost frightening. "What is that?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Is it the dragon?"
"THAT'S what it sounds like when a dragon snores," Twilight confirmed.
"...even Spike?"
"Yes, but not quite THIS loud...and when he snores, he doesn't breathe smoke."
"I should hope not!" Rarity replied.
Fluttershy was looking up the mountain. "It's...it's so...high..."
"Well, it IS a mountain," Rainbow said. "I'm going to fly up there and check it out!" She started to move upward, but Applejack grabbed her tail.
"Whoa, hold up there, sugarcube. Ah think we should all go up there together. Safety in numbers and all." Sheesh...I thought I was the Element of Loyalty?
"Fine..." Rainbow groaned.
About an hour later...
"I hear that the only things that sparkle more than the dragon's scales are the jewels they use to decorate their nests!" They had barely made any progress climbing the mountain, and Rarity was fawning over the dragon already. "If I play my cards right, I might be able to convince him to part with a few!"
"'Welcome to my cave, Rarity,'" Pinkie Pie said in her gruffest voice. "'Care for a diamond? ROAR!'" The other ponies, including Rarity, laughed, but Twilight took charge once again.
"This is no laughing matter! Fluttershy, you're the expert on wildlife. What do you think the dragon will be like?" No response. "Fluttershy?" The yellow Pegasus was still at the base of the mountain, looking up at her friends.
"Hey! What are you waiting for? An invitation?" Rainbow Dash demanded.
"Ooooh, I think I have one in my bag!" Pinkie Pie said, digging through her saddlebag. The rest of the group heard pops and whistles and kazoos coming from the party pony's supplies. What does she have in there? A supplies party? Heh...a SUPPLIES party...I made a pun!
"It's so...steep..." Fluttershy trembled.
"You could just, oh I don't know, FLY up here?" Rainbow rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Fluttershy, you can do it. Flap those wings!" Pinkie cheered. Fluttershy groaned and arched her back upwards, but her wings remained stuck to her body, like they had been glued there.
"We don't have time for this!" Twilight groaned.
"Here, watch this." Rainbow's horn sparked, and Fluttershy was surrounded by a light, brilliant red magical aura. "See, Twilight? It's called 'levitation'. I use this to lift ponies and objects off of the ground. Oooooooooh..." Rainbow waved her hooves, pretending to be mystical. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, Fluttershy, I'll put you down once we're on a steadier place on the mountain," Rainbow promised.
"Yay..." Fluttershy whispered.
A little while later...
Wow, this chapter also goes through long time transitions! Don't you ever wonder what they talked about on the trip? What discoveries they made about each other?
NO, PINKIE PIE. GET OUT OF THE FOURTH WALL.
I'LL NEVER LEAVE! NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Um...anyway...
"Ah have to admit, Princess RD, you were right," Applejack said after a while. "Carrying Fluttershy did save us a lot of time..."
"It would have been harder if you guys went around the mountain," Rainbow nodded. They reached a small gape in the road. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie jumped across it. Rainbow Dash flew across, then looked behind at Fluttershy. She had placed Fluttershy down a short while ago. "Do I need to float you over again?" She asked when she saw that Fluttershy was quivering in fear. Don't tell me she's scared of heights, too...sheesh, I should have remembered all of this from our days at camp... She charged her horn up and levitated the yellow Pegasus across the ledge.
"Aw," Pinkie Pie pouted. "I had a whole song planned out for her! Want to hear it anyway?"
"No thanks..."
"It's not very far, just move your little rump, you can make it if you try with a hop, skip and jump!"
"Oh, no..." Rainbow groaned.
"A hop, skip and jump, just move your little rump, a hop, skip and jump, a hop, skip and jump, a hop, skip and jump, a hop, skip and jump, a hop, skip and jump!"
"Be quiet!" Twilight hissed. "According to my map, we're entering an avalanche zone. The smallest peep could cause a huge rock slide." The others nodded and proceeded in silence. Rainbow Dash was still flying, and she brushed against the top of a small tree. She must have done that millions of times before all over Equestria, so she thought nothing of it. She also thought nothing of the small leaf that floated down and landed on Fluttershy's rump.
"AVALANCHE!" The startled Pegasus screamed. Applejack shoved her hoof in her mouth, but it was too late. The scream echoed throughout the mountain. But that wasn't what caused the avalanche. It was the collective sigh all members of the group gave when they thought that the danger had passed.
It started as just a few pebbles falling from the higher parts of the mountain. Then the pebbles became rocks...then boulders...giant boulders... Applejack tackled Twilight Sparkle to save her from being crushed by one of the larger bits of debris, and Rainbow Dash swooped in and picked up Rarity and Pinkie Pie to keep them out of harm's way. When it was all over, there was a large, dirt-brown pile standing in the middle of the path.
"Whoo-hoo! Let's do it again!" Pinkie Pie cheered. Rainbow facehoofed.
"This is why a girl ALWAYS packs extra accessories!" Rarity exclaimed, wrapping her scarf around her neck and brushing the dirt off of her perfect white coat. "Oh, PLEASE tell me that I brought the tiara that matches this..."
"Uh, I think we've got bigger problems than making sure our hair bows match our horseshoes," Rainbow said, pointing to the avalanche aftermath.
"Oh, please, you're just upset because you forgot your tiara!"
"...I never wear my crown!"
"This isn't a big deal," Twilight said, focusing on what Rainbow Dash had said. Wow, someone actually realized I was talking? That feels like a first... "We'll just have to...climb over..."
"OR I could just carry us over, one at a time!" Rainbow Dash suggested.
"Nah, don't worry, sugarcube, we've got it," Applejack said as she started to climb. Well...I guess it was too good to be true... Fluttershy stumbled over her own hooves as she climbed up, and during the climb down, she tripped and caused Rarity and Pinkie Pie to bump into each other. Rainbow sighed and flew ahead to talk to Twilight.
"Still think it was a good idea to bring Fluttershy along?"
"We're about to find out!" They had reached the source of the smoke: the opening to the dragon's home. "Rainbow Dash, do you think you can use your wings to clear some of the smoke?" Rainbow nodded and flew up into the dirty air. Alicorn wings are the best! "Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll create a diversion to distract the dragon if things get a little hairy in there." Rarity nodded, and Pinkie Pie pulled a squeaky rubber chicken out of her saddlebag.
"...where do you get these things, Pinkie Pie?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Cake are about to have a foal, so they have a bunch of these toys lying around the nursery! I thought I'd bring one with me! I never know when I'll be needing one!" Well, that answers one of my questions... Rainbow thought with a shrug.
"Applejack, you're ready with the apples in case he decides to attack. But it shouldn't come to that, because Fluttershy will do what she needs to do to wake him up, and between the two of us, we should be able to get him to understand why he needs to go. Is everypony ready?" Twilight concluded.
There was a chorus of "ready"s.
"Okay then, we're goin' in," Twilight announced as she trotted into the cave. "So, what is the best way to wake up a sleeping dragon without upsetting him? Fluttershy?" The yellow Pegasus hadn't even entered the cave. She just trembled outside, her face buried in the dirt. "Come on! We have to do this!" Twilight grunted, trying to push the Pegasus up. The others joined in, but Fluttershy wouldn't budge an inch.
"I...I can't go in the cave..." She confessed.
"Oh, great. She's scared of caves now, too," Rainbow groaned.
"I'm NOT scared of caves. I'm scared of dragons." Of course she is...
"Oh, come on! We've seen you walk up to a horrible Manticore like it was nothing!"
"Yes...because it wasn't a dragon..."
"Spike is a dragon! You're not scared of him!" Pinkie grinned.
"Yes, but..."
"So just pretend that you're talking to Spike! Peace of cake, right?" Rainbow said with false enthusiasm.
"No! Spike isn't a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could eat a pony in one bite, totally all grown-up dragon!" Fluttershy cried.
"Listen, we're all scared of that dragon," Applejack reassured her.
"I'm not!" Rainbow boasted.
"...ALMOST all of us are scared of that dragon," Applejack corrected. "But we've got a job to do!"
"I...I just can't..." Fluttershy trotted away, her head bowed in sadness and defeat. The others watched her go with a mixture of pity and disappointment.
"Don't worry, we can still do this," Twilight said, trying to stay optimistic. "Let's stick to the original plan. I'm going in to talk to the dragon." She walked into the cave, still talking, but mostly to herself now. "He... probably just doesn't realize what he's doing. Right?"
"Right!" The others agreed from their safe positions outside of the cave. Maybe one of us should go in with her...maybe it should be me, Element of Loyalty and all...but I gotta stay here and clear out some of the smoke! Rainbow flapped her wings above the ground, listening to Twilight's interaction with the dragon.
"Oh, good, you're awake." How can you POSSIBLY sound so nonchalant? "Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Twilight..." The dragon groaned, and Rainbow caught a whiff of smoke. Twilight got hit with the dragon's breath more, because she started coughing. "...Sparkle, and my friends and I are residents here in Equestria. Ponyville, to be exact. We've come her to ask that you find another spot to take your nap. It's just that you seem to be doing an awful lot of snoring, and every time you do you send out a terrible cloud of smoke." Could have phrased that a LITTLE more delicately...I mean, I wouldn't like it if anypony came up to me and started criticizing MY snores...wait, do I even snore? Or talk in my sleep? Or sleep-walk? See, this is why I need a roommate... "Equestria simply can't survive a hundred years in a dark haze. You understand, don't you?"
"So much for persuading him..." Rainbow coughed.
"This just calls for a little pony charm!" Rarity said with a dismissive wave of her hoof. She trotted into the cave, and the others listened in horror and intrigue as she spoke to the dragon. "But I couldn't possibly head back home without mentioning what handsome scales you have! And those scales have to be hidden away in some silly cave for a hundred years?" Rainbow Dash smirked. Maybe I should try this tactic to get out of some boring thing around the castle... "Personally, I think you should skip the snoozing and be out there, showing them off!" Wait, don't encourage the dragon to wake up...just make him sleep somewhere else... "Obviously, I would be more than happy to keep an eye on your jewels while you're gone!" NO! NO! BAD RARITY! BAD ELEMENT OF GENEROSITY! This OBVIOUSLY made the dragon angry, and he sent Rarity running from the cave with no jewels. "I was THIS close to getting that diamond..." Rarity pouted.
"You mean, getting rid of the dragon?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, yeah, sure..."
"What in tarnation?" Applejack gasped. The others looked at Pinkie Pie, who had balloons sticking out of her tail and mane. She wore a ridiculous pair of red sunglasses and blue swim flippers. Most of her body was hidden by a large green box, and she blew on the party horn in her mouth.
"Darling, you look ridiculous!" Rarity declared.
"Exactly! Sharing a laugh is a sure-fire way to get someone on your side!" Pinkie said as she waddled into the cave. She only said one word to the dragon: "Hi!" But there was a crash, and Pinkie waddled out, defeated. "I guess he doesn't like laughter...or sharing..."
"All right, that's it! We tried persuasion, charm, whatever it is Pinkie Pie does. Applejack, do you have any ideas?" Rainbow groaned, turning to the Earth pony. Let's consider all of the options before I use my Awesome Alicorn Abilities (AAA) on this dragon...
"'Fraid not...Ah don't think dragons really like apples..." Applejack shrugged. "And Ah'm not about to provoke it."
"Well, then it's my turn! It's time to stop wasting time! I'm going in!" Rainbow zoomed into the cave. "GET. OUT!" She shouted, charging her horn and summoning a freaking enormous storm cloud. A bolt of lightning shot from the cloud and struck the dragon in the face. The dragon blinked, sneezed, and glared at the princess, growling. "Uh...sorry...?" Rainbow offered a sheepish smile. "You know, I do have some connections over in Canterlot, have you heard of it? Maybe we can all get a cause together and find a new place for you to sleep..." The dragon roared and sent Rainbow flying from the cave. Okay, he's not interested...note to self, NEVER use royalty in the presence of a dragon. They won't be interested! As soon as Rainbow got to her hooves, she saw that her friends were running and screaming, and they had a good reason to: the dragon was leaving his home. He gave another mighty roar, which sent all of the ponies backwards, crashing into a rock. The rock split in half, revealing Fluttershy hiding on the other side of it. So you were just gonna sit here and watch us potentially get hurt? Thanks, Element of Kindness... But then Fluttershy's teal eyes narrowed...
"How dare you...how dare you! Listen here, mister! Just because you're big doesn't mean you get to be a bully. You may have huge teeth, and sharp scales, and snore smoke, and breathe fire. But you do not...I repeat...you do not! Hurt! My! Friends! You got that?" She was literally up in the dragon's face, perched on his nose, inches away from his eye, glaring into the pupil. Wow...remind me to never get on her bad side...
"But that rainbow one hurt me..." The dragon pointed out in his grumbling voice. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. Yeah. You think? You mess with Equestria, you taste the PAINbow...was that another pun? He began to cry.
"There, there. No need to cry. You're not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That's all," Fluttershy cooed. With that, the dragon spread his wings and took off. Dragon wings are so much cooler than Alicorn wings...how come Spike doesn't have wings?
As soon as the dragon was but a speck in the sky, the ponies cheered. "I knew you could do it, Fluttershy!" Twilight said, grabbing the Pegasus for a hug.
"I'll admit that I had my doubts, but you did good, Flutters," Rainbow said, joining in the hug. "From now on, you're going on as many royal missions as possible!"
"Yay..." Fluttershy whispered.