Pinkie Pie's Fourth-Wall Breaking Variety Show

by Alex Warlorn


Pinkie Pie's 4th Wall Breaking Show epi 10 Part 13

" . . . Why da heck is that dangnabbit contraption fancied itself up to look like a pony? It looks every more creepy!"

"Applejack that's rude!" Fluttershy said.

"No it's actually uncanny valley, and NO Pinkie Pies, that is NOT a place." Twilight lectured on her soap box. "When you make something that is ALMOST like a pony, but not QUITE like a pony, you see the traits that AREN'T like a pony, opposed to those that ARE like a pony."

Goth and Ghost Pinkie Pie looked at each other.
"I think this party should be just for Maud, HER Pinkie Pie, and THEIR friends, agreed?" Goth Pinkie asked.

"Yeah . . . we REALLY don't need to make things MORE complicated, confusing, and convoluted by being here more than we've already been. With everything set up. I say we politely bow out."

The two Pinkie Pies, not even WANTING thanks for their hard work, sneaked out a 'back door' as the ponies were focused on AJ and the what if machine. Stopping only to kiss this world's Pinkie Pie on the forehead and to give Maud Pie a hug each that she willingly returned.

"No offense darlin', but the robot look ain't ya at all." AJ said.

The what-if machine responded by continuing it's vision of loyal Shining Armor's universe. Leaving Twilight and the others having to explain to Applejack the convoluted circumstances that lead to Twilight Sparkle of that universe being a changeling and being stuck in the body of a fictional sex symbol.

The wha-if machine's screen flickered.

Changeling Twilight Sparkle grunted in frustration at the annoying suitors who kept coming to her place of business now that she was stuck as 'Heart Breaker' until she found a way to undo this spell.

"Arrgh! Now I have stallions doing things like getting themselves lost just so I can come and rescue them. This is worse than when I had ponies buddying up to me because I was Celestia's student! You're so lucky you don't have to deal with this, Rarity. All the gifts and letters and invitations to expensive romantic getaways..."

"Yes, dear," Rarity said, her eye twitching as she turned away before she could scream. "I'm so VERY lucky nopony notices me any more." Rarity went off to drown her sorrows in ice cream.


Twilight noticed that there was only one stallion left who hadn't ran away in fear. An orange pegasus stallion with a blue mane and tail.

The stallion walked over to where Twilight was, a little afraid but still full of determination. "Hum... Miss Twilight, is your magic for hire business still open?"

Twilight still remained in her menacing Changeling Queen form. She raised an eyebrow at this, "Yes, yes it is. Do you need something?"

The stallion approached until he was face to face with Twilight, "Please, can you help my little brother!?"

Twilight's eyes opened wide, "Huh?"

"My brother. He's really sick, and I've taken him to the hospital already but the doctors there can't figure out what's wrong with him, and I'm really desperate now. Please, Miss Twilight, you're my only hope!"

Twilight shook off her surprise and then dispelled the illusion spell since it was really doing nothing right now for her but waste mana. This in turn made her again take her true-fake form (for the moment) of the beautiful Heartbreaker. "Where is your brother now?" she asked.

"In his room, resting." replied the stallion.

"Okay, then take me to him... what's your name?" asked Twilight.

"Flash Sentry." replied the orange pegasus.

"Take me to him, Flash."

5 minutes later the two entered one of the many houses in Ponyville, one that really didn't stand out from any other.

"Wait here in the main room, I'll go get First Base." said Flash.

"First Base?" asked Twilight.

"That's my brother's name." explained Flash.

Twilight watched as Flash left the room, and was back a couple of seconds later with a small pillow. On the small pillow, however, was something out of the ordinary. A tiny pony, not larger than a mouse.

Flash placed the pillow on a table and signaled, worriedly, for Twilight to come and take a look.

"Okay... here he is. Can you help him?"

Twilight looked carefully at the pony. His body structure and proportions made it clear that he was a colt, had he been regular sized then he wouldn't be bigger than Applebloom, Scootaloo, or Sweetie Belle. He had an orange coat and mane and tail, but darker than his older brother's. He was an Earth Pony and had a cutie mark already, a baseball and a bat.

"What happened here? Did somepony cast a spell on him?" asked Twilight.

"Not that we know of... I was hoping you can help us figure it out." replied Flash.

"When did this happen?" asked Twilight.

"I woke up today and went to check on him, and he was like this on his bed. Still asleep, he was really scared and confused when he woke up." replied Flash.

First Base frowned, "I wasn't scared. I didn't cry at all!"

Twilight looked at First Base and smiled, "Oh, I'm sure you are one brave colt." trying to look the least intimidating as possible considering how big she was in relation to the little colt. "Okay, First Base, why don't you tell me what you did yesterday before you came home."

"Okay. After school some of the colts and fillies from school gathered to play baseball, but all the best spots were taken. So we found this very big clearing next to the Everfree Forest." explained First Base.

"The Everfree Forest!" exclaimed Flash, "How many times have I told you to stay away from that place! It's dangerous!"

"We weren't going to go IN the forest!" defended First Base.

"Please, please, this isn't helping." interrupted Twilight, "Please, continue."

"Okay... so, we were playing for a while and then I hit the ball really hard when it was my turn at the bat. And the ball flew into the everfree forest. All the colts and filies were bummed out about it because we didn't have another one to play with, until one of them said that I should go find it because I was the one that lost it by hitting it."

"First Base..." started Flash.

"I wasn't going to go in the forest! I told them that it was dangerous... but then they started calling me a chicken... until I finally went in there."

"Brother, I know it sucks to be called a coward. But doing something stupidly dangerous does not prove you are brave." said Flash.

"I agree with your brother here." said Twilight, "But it is something you'll have to talk about later. Right now I really need for you to finish your story First Base."

First Base nodded, "So I carefully walked in the forest, and I saw the ball right away. It was lying in the middle of a big field of blue flowers. So I ran, picked it up and ran out again and we continued playing."

"Wait, you said a field of blue flowers?" asked Twilight.

"Uhu." nodded First Base.

"Poison Joke." said Twilight, knowing what it was right then and there. "Now, I don't have the cure for it, but I know someone who does. I'll be right back. And while I'm gone I need for you to prepare a hot bath." she said to Flash Sentry.

With that Twilight teleported away to Zecora's place.

About 10 minutes later she teleported back, holding a small paper package with her magic. She could hear running water in one of the house's rooms.

"Flash? First Base?" asked Twilight.

The head of Flash peeped out from one of the rooms in the house, the bathroom. "Twilight, you're back. The hot bath you asked for is ready."

"Great. Is First Base there with you?" asked Twilight.

"Yes."

"Okay then, let's do this." Twilight walked inside and saw a medium sized bathtub filled with hot water, warm enough to be comfortable to bathe in, not too hot so it wouldn't be uncomfortable. She opened the small package and poured its contents into the bath, some strange looking powder.

"This is Poision Joke antidote. All First Base needs to do is get into the water."

"Oh, okay. You heard that First Ba..."

"CANNONBALL!!" Before anyone noticed, First Base ran from the bathroom counter he was standing on towards the bath, and jumped into the bath.
A second later he emerged, wet and laughing, and normal sized.

"It worked!" Flash Sentry hugged his brother happily, "Oh, thank you so much, Twilight."

Twilight smiled, "My pleasure. Now First Base, just stay in there and soak in the water for a couple of minutes and the effects of the Poison Joke will be completelt gone from your system."

"Okay, thank you!" said happily First Base, soaking in the tub.

Twilight walked out and was making her way towards the door when she was stopped by Flash Sentry calling back to her. "Twilight, wait!"

"Yes?"

"How much do I owe you, for the help?" asked Flash.

"Oh, please, don't worry about it." replied Twilight.

"HEY!" Twilight in the studio said. "How come all I heard was static when that cute, I mean that stallion was saying his name?" Twilight in the studio recognized him as the stallion who had helped her for a short time during the final battle of the changeling invasion.

"You learning his name is a certainty. Not a what-if." The what-if machine explained.

"Well," Twilight sighed, "That's a plus I guess."
-

The What If Machine looked to Applejack. "I am sorry you find this form unpleasant but I wish you would not call me a 'contraption'. I am a sapient entity and self aware. I find being called a 'contraption' offensive."

Applejack pinned her ears. She remembered that universe were they were all robots. "...Ah guess yah bein' offended by that is fair...Yeah, Ah'm sorry fer that...that body is still freaky though, sorry."

"I will attempt to refine this form to make it less creepy," the Machine replied.

"...Can we see some more of that robot us universe? Yah seemed tah like that one."

"I do enjoy that universe. It helped me confirm that my existence goes beyond simply being a machine. Fluttershy, you and Fluttercruel may enjoy this universe."

Fluttershy's ears perked.

"Detailing."

=*=


"Okay, girls, um... I think it's time you all really met her so, um.... here's Jittercruel," Flutter-Fi explained.

Their casing changed color to a darker shade and the Cutiemark changed like pixels into their new form. Complete with a transforming sound effect. Fangs slid out as well.

"Hi..." the transformed mechanical pony said, having been born from Dis-Cord's virus and her mother's core programming. She was probably a tad bit more shy than intended.


~~

Fluttercruel smiled. "Wow, I look pretty badflank as a robot!...Good to know I'm not a psychopath in every other universe. "I wonder what it's like to be a robot..."

"Showing daily life."


~~


"Um…Jittercruel are you sure about this?" Flutter-Fi asked in their processor.

"Oh come on mom! It's just a chainsaw upgrade! Applejack has one!"

"Yes, but that's for cutting damaged limbs to keep her trees all nice and healthy…" Naturally, trees weren't the same as in organic universes, since everything was mechanical. They were more living metal like everything else, and produced energy in a thin cybernetic membrane that still looked like apples.

"Oh come on, what could go wron-"

BUZZZZ!

"...I'll fix the wall..."


=*=

"THAT ROCKS!" Futtercruel cheered. "THAT'S AWFUL!" Fluttershy countered pointed.

"I wonder if we all transcended flesh in some point in the past to become living machines.' Twilight Sparkle wondered, remember a dream she had had of all the accomplishments, good and evil, of ponies if they hadn't been blasted back to the middle ages by the failed Wish Spell.

"Dem machines are still creepy!" AJ said.

"THey could use some more polish perhaps." Rarity added.

"Meh. My life is the same in every universe. In a way that's actually pretty comforting," Coffee Swirl said. "Oh and Fluttercruel? I thought your chainsaw upgrades were freaky, but very you, and very bad flank, just don't go pointing those at ponies if you ever have those here."

"Don't worry Swirl, I'm out of that phase in my life." Fluttercruel fluttered up and nuzzled him.

"Okay," Twilight said, looking down at the slumbering Pinkie Pie. Behind her Raimbow Dash returned alone from her flight and landed inside the room. "How do we wake her up?"

"Pff, that's easy," she said as she pushed past Twilight and the rest. "Hadda see Gilda off, but she'll be back sometime. And as for Pinkie?" She leaned down and set her mouth by Pinkie's hairy ear and said, "Hey, Pinkie, there's a party to throw and nopony to do it!"

Pinkie Pie, still, asleep, began to vibrate so hard that she partly faded from view, as though she were passing between dimensions.

Dash stood beside her as Twi and the others began backing away, ears down in their fear. Maud, as usual, stood close by, imperturbable.

"Eeep! Not to tell you what to do, but Rainbow Dash, are you sure that was a good idea?" Fluttershy said from behind an overturned bench for a barrier. Rarity and Applejack knelt beside her, both of them wearing helmets -- Applejack's a dull green, Rarity's painted in black and gold and with a phoenix feather plume. The What-If Machine stayed down behind them. Being a machine, it had a well-made sense of self-preservation.

"She's right, dear," Rarity said as the vibrations set the windows to rattling. "Tempting fate is never a good idea!"

"Aw, what's the worst that could happen?" Dash yelled back right before a bolt of lightning from a pink cloud gathering around Pinkie zapped her appearance into a clown-pony. Dash looked down and yelled, "Oh, buck! Not again!"

"Twi, what're ya doing?" Applejack yelled at their purple friend. She stood in the middle of it all, horn alight and frantically writing down notes.

"This time I'll get some worthwhile data out of all this!" Twilight yelled back. She dodged small chinks of ceiling falling as the shaking of the still-unconscious Pinkie sent cracks through the walls. One large piece almost flattened her. She abandoned her efforts and dove for cover. "Then again, it helps to be alive to share the information!"

"Huh," Maud said as she looked at it. Another large piece almost hit her; she idly knocked it aside. "Portland Cement They usually make it to withstand greater stress than this."

Coffee Swirl bolting, abandoning his post. "Buck this!"

"He's left me!" Fluttercruel said, none of her normal biting sarcasm or aggression present. She actually sounded a bit, hurt.

And then there came something like an explosion of a pink cloud...

Five ponies and Maud thought they saw a hairless overweight Diamond Dog writing at a desk while someone called, "Can't you ever keep it short?"...

A pink alicorn seemed to appear, her cutie mark indescriable but filling every heart that saw it with the desire to laugh their joy out loud. She gave them all a grin and wink (and restored Dash to normal) and vanished...

And they all heard Pinkie say in her bubbliest voice ever:

"Did somepony say a PARTY?"

A pink blur seemed to be everywhere in the room at once, repairing the damage, setting up tables, putting up a Pin The Tail On The Pony game, mixing and cooking and carelessly tossing snacks (including Maud's favorite rock candy) at a table that all somehow landed in the exact right places, even the punch, and hanging balloons and streamers and a banner that read WELCOME TO PONYVILLE MAUD-- all in far less time than it takes to say.

It helped Goth and Ghost Pinkie had done much the same while waiting for Pinkie to rest.

The stunned ponies, calm Maud, and curious Machine gathered around as the blur turned back into Pinkie Pie and said:

"Welcome to Ponyville, big sis! Now who's ready for a party -- finally?"
-
Applejack ducked into the prop room and returned with a fiddle. "How's about we get this party started?" She played a simple melody, five notes and five notes more, then began a slow waltz to the tune, adding more flourishes as she went along.

Rarity smiled. "We used to practice in finishing school, just like this." She gave an elegant bow. "Would you care to dance, Miss Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy spread her wings, blushing. "Oh! I suppose I could, but I don't know..." "Don't look at me! I'm not doing some sissy dance like that." "Young lady... on second thought, I'd be delighted to dance with you, Miss Belle." She took Rarity's hoof and bowed back, and then they stepped to the beat, with Fluttershy sweeping her wings like the ball gown neither of them had.

"What do you think, Maud?" asked Twilight. "Do you dance?"

"That isn't the kind of music I like to dance to," deadpanned Maud.

"You heard the mare," said Rainbow Dash. "Kick it up a notch!"

Applejack grinned and jumped straight into the first thing that came to mind, the "Apples to the Core" number they played at family reunions. Rarity switched to square dancing without missing a step, and Fluttershy went "Eeep!" trying to keep up.

Rainbow Dash giggled. "Careful, or Twilight might start dancing again."

Twilight stopped tapping her hoof to the beat and sighed.

Rainbow blinked. "Er, which would be fine! Because this is about having a good time, not impressing anypony!"

Twilight cheered right up. "Thanks, I think."

"That still isn't it," said Maud, expressionlessly. "The kind of music that I like the best is..."

"Wait for it..." said Rainbow Dash.

"Rock music."

Pinkie Pie played an enthusiastic rim shot. On an actual drum set that didn't go away when she finished the gag. She giggled and snatched Applejack's fiddle too, replacing it with an electric bass guitar.

"What the heck kind of fiddle is this?" AJ poked at it with a hoof, and got a discordant blast of sound that nearly made her drop the guitar. "How do Ah play it with no bow?"

"You'll get the hang of it," said Pinkie.

"Ah still don't see how..."

Pinkie Pie twirled the drumsticks with her hooves somehow. "A one, two, THREE, FOUR!!"
-

While the party get started, the What If Machine gave this some thought. "Something is missing. Engage What If protocol 'What if this party was not missing something?"

The what if ran though it and it nodded.

It used the hole in the fourth wall and reached to a point where it's new guests wouldn't be too busy, and transported them there.

Octavia and Photo Finish blinked, looking around themselves in confusion. "What...exactly is going on here?"
-
"Hi girls!"

"Pinkie Pie, should have known." Octavia sighed.

"Everything that does the explaining," Photo Finish said.

"Photo Finish! And I'm not even dressed!" Rarity freaked and quickly ran behind a curtain and came out in her gala dress. "There."

"Don't ever do that again." Twilight Sparkle warned the machine. "This place's spacial fabric is fragile enough!"

"Fine. Cross my process, hope to fly, stick a cupcake on my screen."

"OH MY! Not again!" Fluttershy hide behind the couch seeing Photo Finish. Then Fluttercruel took control. "Oh yes! If first you don't succeed! No we aren't! Yes we are!" Fluttershy and Fluttercruel began to wrestle with control of the body or approaching to renew their contract with Photo Finish, or stay hidden from her.

"It's a party for our sister!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

"But we're all here!" Octvaia said.

"Hello Limestone Pie, hello Marble Pie." Maud Pie said.

" . . . I haven't gone by that name in years . . ." Octavia whispered.

Photo Finish looked around to make sure none had caught her birth name.

"Who are you?" Octavia asked.

"Hey! That's no way to act towards our big sister!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Big . . ." Octavia felt fizzy, so did Photo Finish as Maud Pie's existence began to catch up to them. Applejack recognized what was going on. So would have Shining Armor, though he had never been an outisde observer.
-
Applejack knew what was going on far too well, in fact. She saw Octavia and Photo Finish dismissing Maud Pie as a complete stranger. She saw Octavia and Photo Finish greeting Maud, the sister they hadn't seen in ages. AJ dropped Pinkie's electric fiddle contraption and backed away, her head pounding. Truth itself was being rewritten as she watched.

Photo Finish rubbed her eyes. "Who? .... Maud? Do I know a Maud?" She shook herself. "But of course, how silly of me! This is extraordinary... How long has it been since we four stood together?"

"I'm sorry Maud it's . . . it's been a while and . . . I've been . . . well, maybe just trying to fit in at Canterlot." Octavia said.

'IN MOST UNIVERSES WE AREN'T EVEN SISTERS, AND YOU'RE SEPARATE BEINGS FROM PINKIE PIE'S SISTERS.' Not-Maud thought. Then mostly-Maud thought, ' . . . still . . . in this one . . . I'm . . . happy to have you with me.'

She'd known that Maud Pie was weird, but she'd assumed it was just a Pinkie Pie kind of weird, not this! "First Twilight and her big brother, then Rarity and her big sister," she muttered to herself. "Who else is a fake, and Ah didn't even know? Ah can't take this... The lies, they've got to stop, they've all got to..."

Applejack trailed off. Now, she almost missed being the Opaque Wolf. Just like Pandora had said, wolves didn't go mad, but AJ didn't have that protection anymore. "Ah... Ah don't need Nightmare Mirror. Ah've got something better. Snow Bound, I need help. There's another insertion here."

Immediately, the Blank Wolf appeared by her side, startling her. "What?" he growled. "Did I not say that I would come at once? Now, where is it?"

"There!" AJ whispered, pointing a hoof at Maud.

The Blank Wolf looked. Large golden eyes blinked slowly. "You noticed her. I had hoped you would not."

Applejack gawked. "Hold on a sec. You knew this whole time, she wasn't really..."

A large paw covered her mouth before she could finish. "Applejack, do you really believe that I could be five paces from an insertion and not know? She has inserted herself into your world, it is true, for reasons I cannot comprehend, but she is much more than that."

"Well, what is she, then?" asked Applejack. "You can stop her, ri..."

This time, the Wolf yanked them in between moments before she could finish. "No!" he snarled. "There is no 'stopping her.' I am forbidden to hunt the avatar of a goddess, and even you could not have hunted *this* avatar. Absolutely not! Paws off!"

"So, playing along is ALL we can do?" stammered Applejack. "Can you at least tell me that she's not evil, or up to no good?"

"Maud Pie is not evil," said the Wolf carefully. "As for her intentions, if I had to guess, I might say that she probably considers you and friends to have done her a service by defeating Discord, so she *probably* means well..."

Applejack glared at him. "Ya could have told me that up front, ya know."

The Blank Wolf smirked. "Well, perhaps you'll think now, before you go annoying yet another god. Now, smile." He showed her a grin full of large, sharp fangs. "Try not to contradict her, and do enjoy your party." He sent her back to the studio alone.
-

"Oh! Pinkie Pie!!! You have Photo Finish, AND a professional Canterlot musician as sisters and you never spoke of it before?!" Rarity gasped.

"Whoa." RD stared.

"And I'm pushed to the side lines in my own introduction chapter again," Maud said evenly, and as low as possible so no one heard her, not wanting to be rude.

AJ wondered. 'Are Pinkie's OTHER sisters on the up and up?'

'Yes . . . there's simply a difference between relations of your world and the heart world. Nothing truly strange.' She heard the wolf's voice in her head for a sec before it vanished again.
-
The What If Machine's screen turned blue and had a frowny face. "Miss Rarity, I appreciate your emotions. But I did not summon these two here for that reason. I summoned them here because this is Miss Maud Pie's party and I believed it would make her happy. Please allow their arrival to be a joyous one for her rather than overshadowing her...if you don't mind."

It looked to Fluttershy. "Did I do the 'politely ask for something' protocol correctly?"

Fluttershy nodded with a smile. "Yes, very good."

Rarity blinked. "Oh dear, I'm sorry Maud, I must have forgotten myself..."

"No problem..." Maud replied in her own fashion.

"Though to be honest I'm certainly surprised. You four seem nothing alike."

"I think I'm the only 'traditional' rock farmer out of us..." Maud admitted.

"Mother and father were glad she decided to stay home with them," Octavia admitted. "But it simply wasn't our thing, you know?"
-
"Okie doki!" said Pinkie brightly. "If that's all out of the way, then Maud is still waiting for her rock music! I'm on drums, Applejack's got the bass..."

AJ picked the electric bass guitar up again, like it was a snake that might bite her. "Pinkie, this didn't work so well last time."

Pinkie dashed to the prop room and back in a colorful blur. "That's because we didn't have the whole group, silly. This is for you, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy looked at the tambourine in her hooves and shook it once. "I... guess I could play this."

"Guitar for Rainbow Dash, keytar for Rarity..."

Rarity blinked. "Do you have any idea how to play..."

"Kinda, maybe?" Rainbow Dash shrugged.

"What else..." said Pinkie, tapping a hoof against her chin. "Oh, right! These are for Twilight." Pinkie put a pair of fluffy prop wings on Twilight Sparkle that made her look like a little Princess Luna. Then she pushed a heavy amp/mixer console into the room, making a show of grunting and straining to move it. "Octavia, you're Vinyl Scratch."

"I beg your pardon?"

"And Photo Finish can be Sunset Shimmer!"

"Sunset who?" asked Twilight.

Maud sighed. "Pinkie..." Somewhere, a wolf growled.

Pinkie blushed. "Forget I said that!" She played a rising roll on the cymbals. "Okay, hit it!"

"Hit what?" said AJ, and then her hooves started moving by themselves, laying down a fast beat. Fluttershy shook her tambourine, Rainbow Dash and Rarity played like they were born to do it, and Pinkie drummed like a mad mare. "Oh, so that's how this thing plays!" said AJ, grinning and letting the heart song work its magic.

"Amazing!" cried Twilight, swaying to the beat next to Photo Finish. "A heart song with instruments that are physically present! But what do we sing?"

The What-If Machine whirred and acted like a teleprompter, scrolling song lyrics up its screen.

Once upon a time
You came into my world and made the stars align
Now I see the signs
You pick me up when I get down so I can shine

The scrolling text fuzzed and glitched, and the song they were singing abruptly changed keys.

We used to fight with each other
That was before we discovered
That when your friendship is real
Yeah, you just say what ya feel

"Hey, are these the right lyrics?" asked Pinkie.

The What-If Machine flashed an embarrassed emoticon with a sweat drop. "Of course they are... somewhere..."

We don't know what's gonna happen
We just know it's gonna feel right
All of our friends are here
And it's time to ignite the lights!

Rainbow light surged around the performers, putting rainbow accents in their tails and manes, and dressing them in colorful rock star outfits themed after their cutie marks. The light swirled around Maud without touching her, and enveloped the studio, repairing the gaping holes in the wall.

Rarity gasped, looking from pony to pony with eyes sparkling, taking in every detail of the magical outfits. "Oh, I know what I'll be doing after the party!"

Rainbow Dash whooped, pumping a hoof in the air. "Girls, we should totally start a band, for real!" She spread her wings and hovered off the floor, posing above the group with Fluttershy... and Twilight, who was enjoying herself herself too much to question how she could float with prop wings.

The screen glitched again. "Error, dimension not found. Error..."

When we shine like rainbows
We're awesome as we wanna be!

Maud never cracked a smile, but she swayed to the music, tapping a hoof to the beat. "All of this, for me? I'm so happy."
-
The pony shaped what-if machine began to shake and rattle.

"Are you okay?" Flutterhy asked.

"This unit . . . does-does believe . . . this b-body is-is not . . . well designed . . . or-or . . . that-that well put together . . . I am a what-if machine, not an engineer or a robotics expert." Then the pony body of the what-if machine fell apart back into the scrap metal it had been half-hazardly put together from various spare parts.

Finally the what-if machine's original body, the wooden 50s TV set with rabbit ears antenna remains. The machine's pieces clattered around it. A little drop of truth that powered the what-if machine's ability to view into possibilities, flew through the air . . . and landed on Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight happened to be looking at a shinning serving plate at that moment. Before truth evaporated, she thought, 'All this fun, and to think I'd once consider socializing with this many ponies my inner worst nightmare.'
~*~

Twilight's view was of an infinitely tall and deep purple chamber with no ceiling or floor, just fading into the darkness above and blow.

A purple pillar was at the center, with the same semi-square pattern on it as the walls and made of the same material with no sharp angles, like melted wax. Chains randomly connected the walls the edges of the pillar's top.

Standing in the center, smiling without a trace of malice, was an Alicorn. Her armor was white, and her coat was dark purple, and her mane reminded Twilight of purple flames, and her eyes were like those of a dragon. Her cutie mark . . . was an inversion of Twilight's own.

"Welcome to my soul, oh, sorry our soul, oops, my mistake, I was right the first time. Silly me, since when do I get facts wrong? This is my soul, you're just little aspects of my psyche. How silly of me!!" Her voice, it was so familiar that it Twilight felt her blood run cold.

Twilight became all too aware that of her body was imbedded in the wall. Only of most her her head, some of her belly, and her forelegs hung uselessly out of the wall. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. All she could do was watch. She then became aware of whimpering . . .. above her, below her, to her sides, all around her . . . countless unicorns, all looking exactly like Twilight, letting out barely audible whispers.

They were in neatly organized circular rows, each one evenly in one of the square indentations. They went on forever.

"'Rain." One of the Twilights croaked out.

Then Twilight was the Alicorn, was the Nightmare, she was at the center, with the 320,979 Twilight Sparkles that currently made her up, and more along the way. All adding their tiny little help to the greater good. It was so nice of them to embrace becoming something greater, to become whole, to stop being caterpillars and become a butterfly.

It was her responsibility to punish Discord, her responsibility to make sure all the versions of herself reached Alicornhood, it was her responsibility to wipe away the incompetent, lazy, petty, and selfish concepts that made up the universe, and create the golden world with her friends. Starlight, Bright Eyes, and all those pony scientists just weren't smart enough to accomplish their dream. But she was smart enough. She'd make Princess Celestia very very proud. After all, it was a student's responsibility to surpass her teacher after all.

And everypony would be happy. Except Discord. But who cared about the selfish scum that needed to be gotten rid of for the good of everypony else?

~*~
Twilight Sparkle gasped as Pinkie Pie tapped her ont he shoulder. "You okay Twilight?"

"I . . . I . . . it's nothing, it's nothing." Twilight shivered, her eyes were misty. She was surprised when Applejack hugged her before Pinkie Pie joined her.

"It's okay Twilight, it's okay, everythin' turns out fer the best, it's okay."

The three nuzzled.

"It's alright." Not-Quite-Maud Pie said, "She won't ever exist again. You never have to be afraid of her. She can't hurt anypony else ever again."
-

The What If Machine showed a sad emoticon. "I just wished to dance..."

Octavia looked to Maud. "What is that thing?"

"A machine of Pinkie Pie's that became self aware..." Maud explained, in her normal deadpan. "Lightning hit it."

"...How does..."

"It said it was science..."

Applejack looked at the Truth and wiped it up, just in case. She then looked at the What If Machine, sensing more inside it. 'So that's how it does that...Ah wonder if havin' that inside it is what let it come tah life...'

The What If Machine got it's tendrils back and was still capable of moving.

Twilight looked to it. "...Is what Maud said true? That...that Nightmare..."

"...Machine's probability sensors confirm: Maud's presumption is correct."

"...How did you?"

"My power source is a part of me, anything one sees through it I do...it is strange...and in my home reality lead to an awkward series of events...involving a drunken robot...I don't wish to speak of it."

"...Don't blame you...How does a robot get drunk?"

"In my world, robots get drunk if they don't drink...so they drink all the time...it is very very strange...I am from an adult cartoon dimension...which reminds me..."

The What If Machine wrote a message on a piece of paper, tied it to a brick, and threw it through a dimensional portal, nailing a bald human scientist in the noggin before the portal closed.

"Uh..."

"I sent my creator a well thought out letter detailing why I'm never returning there and he was a bad parent...the brick was because my home reality's rules permit such things."

On the other side of the closed portal, the bald 160+ old scientist said, "Oh well. Looks it's just you and me What-If Machine 2.0."

Applejack psychically contacted Snowbound, as an instinct, it worried her a little that it didn't worry her that she realized she could do so. 'Uh...why exactly is this thing in our universe without setting you off?'

'Because...well, the potential Three of Cups Alicorn got permission to 'import him' so Pinkie could us him and his soul was born in OUR universe.'

'Three of Cups?'

'The Love Cats worship her.'

'Oh...oh!' Applejack replied, looking at Pinkie Pie with a blink.

The What If Machine looked back to Maud. "This is not my party, let us return to celebrating Miss Maud...but can I have an 'you're alive party' at another date?"

Pinkie giggled. "Sure! Come on sisters! Let's party some more!"
-
Maud Pie was putting a blindfold on Pinkie, with Fluttershy and Rarity waiting for their turns, over by the Pin the Tail on the Pony board. Photo Finish smiled. "Eet's not the kind of entertainment I usually host, but just for today..."

Applejack poked at the electric bass and played the first bar of Apples to the Core, plucking the notes carefully. Octavia borrowed the lead guitar from Dash and played an answering phrase, grinning in challenge. Applejack grinned right back. "Ah'm gonna enjoy this."

Twilight lingered next to the What-If Machine. The rainbow clothes had disappeared with the music, but she was still wearing the prop wings. "Funny how I saw that horrible nightmare when I was still dressed as the Princess of Rock and Roll." She blinked. "I know what might cheer me up! What-If Machine, please show me Princess Twilight Sparkle!"

The Machine whirred. "Warning: The requested situation may not be what you expect." The screen lit up with a bright sunny day in Ponyville, and zoomed in on a restaurant.

Twilight squinted at the screen. "Oh, there I am. What the..."

Rainbow Dash wandered over. "So you're a princess in that world."

"Wings and everything," said Twilight, frowning.

RD smirked. "Strolling around town as naked as anypony else? Eating lunch at the Hay Burger."

"It's showing me that even as a princess, I haven't lost touch with my friends," said Twilight, a bit defensively. "Or with ordinary ponies. Oh, see there? I'm having lunch with the Crusaders!"

Rainbow Dash snerked. "More like stuffing your face. Er... sorry, Twilight. I shouldn't have laughed."

"It could be worse, I suppose. I could be stuffing my face with cake. Ugh, just... help me get these wings off. Suddenly being an alicorn doesn't seem like all it's cracked up to be." Twilight turned, and unexpectedly found herself face to face with Maud.

Maud simply said, "Being an alicorn doesn't mean the same thing there. But that Twilight saved her Equestria. She was the only princess who could. Her and her friends."

Twilight stared, caught by Maud's gaze. "How do you know this?"

Maud looked away, and the spell was broken. "Excuse me. It's my turn to wear the blindfold."

Applejack threw up her hooves. "All right, all right! Big surprise, yer better than me by a mile. But if it was fiddles..."

Octavia beamed. "I'm even better with the fiddle. Shall I go fetch a pair of them?"

"Sure thing!" Left to herself for a moment, AJ glared at the machine. "Didn't ya have anything more encouraging to show Twilight?"

The Machine whirred again. "Displaying a future that may yet come to pass is prohibited. Displaying a current reality of your world is also prohibited."

"Huh? There's ain't any 'Princess Twilight Sparkle' here now... Is there?"

"Do not concern yourself with that, Applejack. All will be well."

AJ frowned... but Octavia was approaching with the fiddles. "If you say so..."

The what-if machine heard a voice.

"Ever show anything from the heart world again, and I will eat your brain."

"Affirmative."
-

The Machine started to fizzle and pop.

Pinkie trotted over to it. "Funny, I thought the fireworks weren't supposed to start until later...." She hoofed the top of the machine. "Stupid thing. Must be bust--"

The Machine displayed its frowny-face icon. "Didn't we just talk... about ponies hitting the machine and calling it stupid all the time?" The display glitched badly and lit up with a new scene.
=*=

On the grand balcony, darkness swirled and coalesced into the terrifying figure of Nightmare Moon! "Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious, little sun-loving... what."

The ponies in the crowd below were orange purple-maned pegasus ponies. Every single one of them.

"What did you do with our Princess?" demanded the one with the rainbow stripe in her purple mane.

She tried to fly straight at the Nightmare, but the one wearing a Stetson grabbed her tail, holding her back. "Whoa there, Scootaloo Dash!"

Nightmare Moon just stared. "What? Why.... how?"

"Ooh, is this a guessing game?" cried the orange pegasus with the extra-poofy purple mane.

"This ain't the time for that, Scootaloo Pie. We gotta find out what she's done with Princess Flora!"

The Nightmare facehoofed. "What is going on here?"

"I'm... kind of wondering that myself," said an embarrassed Scootaloo Sparkle. She had extra purple and pink stripes in her already purple mane. "I read the legends, but... you're not who I was expecting, exactly."

"I think I came down to the wrong place," muttered Nightmare Moon.

Darkness gathered a second time, with a showy whirlwind of black feathers, and a second Nightmare appeared on the balcony... orange and purple-maned of course, with regal barding and a silver crown that strangely resembled a crash-helmet. "I'll say you have! Away with you! Scootalestria will be mine alone!"

Scootaloo Sparkle perked up. "Okay, THAT'S Nightmare Maleficent! Whew... my faith in scholarly research is restored!"

Nightmare Moon sighed. "I'll just pop back up to the Moon and try this again..."
-
When the Pin the Tail on the Pony game wound down, Pinkie brought out a "Famicolt" game console and plugged it into the What-If Machine. Now Maud and Twilight were madly working their game controllers, focused on the 8-bit sprites of Cadence and Shining Armor that were bouncing and blasting their way through "Heart Stealers from Dimension Z: A Royal Canterlot Adventure."

The What-If Machine whirred. "When did I acquire a video-in port?"

"I still don't see why I had to play as my brother," mused Twilight, chewing on her lip as she fired off another round of bouncing shield bubbles.

"Well, Maud IS the party girl," said Rarity. "She had first pick."

The game announcer exclaimed something in Neighponese, subtitled as {Power Up! Honesty!}. The action briefly switched to full-screen artwork of Cadence saying {These eyes can see through all of your tricks!}, and the Cadence sprite started mowing down monsters with orange eye-lasers.

"I have to admit," said Rainbow Dash, watching "Shining Armor" bounce up a stack of crates with pixel-perfect accuracy, "I didn't think an egghead like you would be into video games like this, but you're pretty good!"

"Well, it's not a very sophisticated program," said Twilight brightly, never taking her eyes off the screen. "Once you've seen all of the possible enemy moves..." {Power Up! Loyalty!} This time, Shiny's face filled the screen. {I swear by all the gods, I'll never leave you behind!} Red chains started whipping monsters out of his way.

"So when did you get so good at this, sis?" asked Pinkie.

"I know how this one ends," droned Maud. "It's just a matter of getting there."

"This is actually a lot of fun," said Twilight. "I just wish the subtitles were more accurate."

Fluttershy blinked. "Twilight, you know Neighponese?" "I get it. She cast a translation spell, right?"

Twilight blushed. "No, I do know Neighponese. It's a long story."

Pinkie grinned with a squeak. {Don't worry, Twilight! Nopony knows about all those letters you wrote complaining about the plot inconsistencies in your favorite manega back in magic college!}

{Unforgivable!} cried Twilight, leaping up with metaphoric flames exploding behind her. {Impossible! How could you know of that?}

Pinkie winked. {That's a secret, teehee!}

Twilight glared at Pinkie in a huff, until she realized that Shiny had gotten clobbered by the monsters while she was distracted. {You can't lose now, Shiny! Get up and fight!} {Continue?} "Here, Dash, why don't you take a turn?"
-

"Shiny, dear, what's that?" Cadence looked at the heavy envelope in her husband's telekinetic grip.

"The first payment from that game company in Neighpon." Shining Armor opened the envelope, turning it upside down, and -- two bits fell out, as well as a plugged nickel.

Cadence and Shining Armor both looked at them in some confusion.

"Okay, I know that game is doing great," Cadence said, lashing her tail in annoyance, "even some of the palace staff are playing it. Where the hay is the money going?"

And thousands of miles away, two unicorns in an office, both with white-striped red manes, gloated over a pile of bits.

"See, Flim? I TOLD you we should have gone into game marketing years ago! This is more bits than we ever got cheating yokels like in Ponyville!"

"That was a really long and power telescopic lens . . ." Pinkie Pie said back in the studio, making sure that Applejack and Twilight didn't see that and upset the applecart.

Sneaking around was rather easy, when you were already a background pony.

'Maud' was busy scoring point after point while Rainbow Dash bitterly grumbled about 'Hax'. Twilight and Pinkie were busy having conversations in neighponese and generally parodying the various anime tropes in the process. Rarity was ever being the socialite, even if it was just among a group of her friends, and Applejack was humoring her. The Flutters were alternating between Shy talking with Rarity and Applejack and Cruel calling next turn on the game. Octavia had taken to practicing her music (one didn't get to be a great musician by being idle after all), and Photo Finish was just the type of pony who wouldn't notice him, he wasn't important enough to catch her eye.

As such, it was almost pathetically easy for Coffee Swirl to sneak back into the studio.

After that, however, he quickly shuffled off to one of the various side rooms. He had (At the berating of the ghosts in his sword) managed to work up the courage to come back; but working up the courage to apologize to Fluttercruel was another matter entirely.

"Why couldn't I just fight another mad god?" he grumbled. "I'm better at that."

'Thou art behaving in a manner unbecoming a knight, Sir Swirl.'

"Knights haven't exist in Equestria for over a thousand years, Squire. And no, Shining Armor does NOT count. Just... give me a bit, okay? I don't know how to do this sort of thing."

"Silly pony, don't you know there are no background ponies in this verse?"

Pinkie Pie giggled as she changed the transmission from the studio's security cameras that had caught Coffee Swirl's every move, to another telescopic lens shot of Canterlot.

Luna was chatting, "And that is why sister, we believe it is vital that we restore the position of Knight in Equestria. Besides, Dame Cheerilee was already Knighted by Princess Gaia so it might be best in case she is needed when Gaia is unsealed."

Back in the studio, after winning that level, Maud set her controller down. "Pinkie, can you come over here?"

The pink party pony bounced over. "Yeah sis?"

Maud looked to the What If Machine. "Can you still tune things so only certain ponies can see it?"

"Yes. Or simply seal the area if requested for privacy's sake," the Machine replied.

"...Alright..."

Maud trotted over and whispered something to the What If Machine.

"Understood. The following vision will only be visible to those aware of a universe that no longer is, it will be censored for the sack of the sanity of all else involved..."

'You'd better not-' the Blank Wolf warned.

'The Empress of Not requested it.'

'...Good point. Go ahead...'

"Aww, but what about the game?" Rainbow asked.

"Downloading save file to central system...You may now play it on the main screen."

"Alright, continue!"

"Beginning situation."


"Minty!" called Pinkie Pie, the pink pony trotting over to her green friend.

"Yeah Pinkie?!" the green mare asked, trotting over.

"Something extra special!"

"Really? Is it more special than the time we all became Princesses?!"

"Well for me it is! My big sister's coming to Ponyville to visit!"


"Wait...I...I don't remember..." Pinkie Pie said in reality, blinking in confusion.

"...If the spell worked right, then it wouldn't have forgotten to give you a complete, concrete background," a mix of Maud Pie and Not-Maud Pie replied, giving one of her extremely rare small smiles.

Pinkie's eyes went wide. She suddenly noticed there were stallions trotting in the background as well. "So...t-this is..."

"The world where they worked the bugs out."


"Really?! Wow! What's her name?"

"Rocky Road! She's so much fun!"

"Sounds like it! What's she like?"

"Well she likes rocks a lot!"

Minty raised an eyebrow. "Rocks?"

"Yeah! She's as big of a collection of rocks as you do of socks!"

Minty gasped in surprise. "Really?! Wow!"

"She also really likes hiking! Oh I can't wait for her to get here!"


Pinkie was crying. "This...this world didn't tear itself apart?"

"No, it never does that," Not-Maud replied. "That is not THIS world's end. This world knew many things yours didn't, Pinkie, but it didn't know the horrors your ended with...I guess in that way it is even more innocent than yours was."

"...So you asked..."

"'What if your world didn't have to end that way.' I wanted you to see a world were your friends got to have their happy endings."

"But it's YOUR party..."

Maud put a hoof over her sister's shoulder and hugged her. "I know, and making you happy is what makes ME happy...This is MY present too."

"Which is also why this potential situation centers around Miss Maud Pie's alternate self," the What-If Machine explained.

After some sisterly hugging and crying, the two turned back to the screen as Pinkie Pie's friends started preparations, which as with all special occasions included trying to reinovate the entire town for a little bit to match the guest of honor's tastes, like the time it was covered in glitter. In this case a lot of rocks were involved.


"...And Pinkie?"

"Yes Maud?"

"...Just because something was erased, that doesn't mean that it wasn't real...that is a fallacy many mistake for truth," a mixture of Maud and Not-Maud said, Not-Maud seeming somewhat annoyed. "Never was isn't the same as fake. Your world was real. That's WHY it was a tragedy to see it die...and why your memories of it aren't a bad thing."

Pinkie nuzzled her sister. "...Thanks..."

"Like I said, making you happy is what makes me happy..."

Pinkie wiped her tears away and turned back to the screen as the other party goers who couldn't see what was on it continued their party as the party girl desired. Rocky Road shared Maud's difficulty conveying emotions, something SHE feared would alienate her from her sister's friends, and which did cause SOME conflict.

"...Can we please watch the whole thing?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Watching entire scenerios is my primary purpose," said the What If Machine. "I was formally used for anthology episodes. If Maud Pie desires it, I can do so."

Maud nodded. "...Yeah...I actually want to see what happens..."
-
"I'm happy that you threw such a big party," said Rocky Road, with the faintest of smiles. "When I saw it, I thought that somepony must have spoiled the surprise."

"Ooh, there's another surprise?" cried Pinkie Pie, bouncing in place. "What is it, what is it?"

Rocky Road motioned towards another group just arriving from the train station... a large blue-coated pegasus stallion with five adorable colts and fillies following along at his hooves. "Spooky had some time off work, so we brought everypony along. This is our first trip with the whole family."

"Gosh, that's a big family!" said Minty.

"It's just how we wanted it," said Rocky Road. "Minty, everypony, I'd like you to meet my husband, Spooky Tail."

"Howdy," said the stallion. "Now, you children behave, and try to keep the chaos down to a dull roar. No more pranks today, Butter Fry."

The grey-coated unicorn colt stamped a hoof. "But dad, Fire Cracker started it." He pointed to the red earth pony colt.

"Don't blame me! It was Rose Quartz's idea."

The pink unicorn filly stuck her tongue out at her brothers. "Was not. Right, Flint Spark?"

"Was so!" retorted the rusty-brown earth pony filly.

"Was not!"

"Was so so so!"

"Can we go home yet?" said the green pegasus colt.

Pinkie Pie smiled. "If you go home now, you won't get to try any of this delicious cake, Sugar Rush."

"Cake?" The grumpy colt brightened up in a hurry. "Chocolate cake?"

"Yep!"

"Well, I don't want just any chocolate cake. I want double-chocolate chip ice cream cake!"

Pinkie did a squeaky smile that was familiar in any dimension. "No problem!"


In the studio, Twilight Sparkle rubbed her eyes and looked at the What-If Machine's screen again. Unlike most of her friends, she knew all about the Lost World. "Is that... No, they couldn't really be..."

"They are," said Maud Pie, almost wistfully.
-
Twilight blinked. "But...how..."

Suddenly, a dimensional portal opened over head and a message dropped in front of her. "Huh?"

'Dear Twilight,

In that universe, I decided that since My Wife was enjoying Herself in that world for the first time...ever that I'd join Her and spend a life as a loving family, and suggested our children join us and have time as a loving family.

Yours truly, Havoc.'

Twilight smiled a bit before looking back to the What If Machine. 'I hope they're happy together.'
-
Not-Maud Pie looked at the others. "None of you noticed that letter."

Fluttercruel chuckled. 'I just realized something funny mom.'

'What?'

'If that timeline the TV mentioned was Blue and White becoming Nightmare Phalanx, the Best Defense . . . shouldn't it have been NightSTALLION Phalanx? . . . In short, he didn't just become a Nightmare in that verse, he got turned into a girl!! Ha ha! . . . I wish I could go out there and give Coffee Swirl a piece of my mind, but I know you won't let me leave Gray And Violet's party.'

'Just calm down dear. Nopony is perfect. I'm sure he'll apologize the moment he sees you.'

'He better. At least I have the funny image of Shining Armor as a GIRL NightMARE.'

'Didn't What If say that vision had darkness and violence?'

'Meh. Likely just to some over the top cheesy super-villain nopony actually liked and had no real personality or character or soul.'

'It's still not a good thing to do.'

'Yes mother.'
-

Far away, Shining Armor shuddered where he and his wife stood in their townhouse in Canterlot.

"What is it, dear?" Cadence nuzzled him. Midnight and Kifuko whinnied softly where they hung in the saddlebags over their mother's sides.

"I was just thinking about all those recent times I've been transformed into a mare," Shiny said. "Usually when visiting Ponyville. And I just had this weird vision of someone wanting to see it happen again."

"Darling," Cadence said, speaking softly, "does it really matter? You got changed back, and myself, well, if it was permanent," blue fire flashed around her and a lithe stallion with Cadence's pink coat and violet mane and tail, "I'd find ways to adapt," Cadence said in a husky male voice.

"Thanks," Shiny said, "but I think I prefer sticking with the original model." Cadence grinned back and returned to her true form.