Chapter Three:
A Mild Yellow
She was there. Fear, terror. Yet, I felt excited as well. This is exactly what I had been both hoping for, and fearing. I knew that my mind would be agonizing the entire night, torn in two, trying to balance what was right and what I wanted to do. I glanced about, trying to make it look as though I was just looking around the room, but catching the eyes of the country girl, I feared that I had been caught. Never-the-less, I kept up the act, and took note of who had come that evening. In the center sat Rob, and next to him Caitlin. I also noted several others who I knew, but most of their names escaped me at the moment. I noted an empty spot in the right corner, and decided to take it. It was fairly busy that night, and getting there was more difficult than I had liked. After taking my seat, my eyes (on their own) shot straight to where she was sitting. Had I been thinking about it, I would have been a bit surprised at what had happened. I could see her. Even with a full room, for some unknown reason, I had a clear view to where she was sitting. Looking back on it, that was an unfortunate fact, but at the time, it did not seem bothersome.
I didn't get too much from the lesson that night. As I had feared, the entire night I was torn between filling a sense of duty, and desire, to speak to her, or simply avoiding her. I felt as though the right thing to do was talk to her, get to know her better, perhaps even befriend her. One thing I always hated was being the lone man in a crowd, and I assumed that others who stood alone amongst people felt the same way. So, feeling that I was meant to be the one to offer the hand of friendship, I felt it my duty to befriend them. That said, all I wanted to do was go home and sit in my chair and play video games. I didn't want to create a new friendship, those things took great emotional investment, and time as well. But, I still wanted to talk to her. Something inside, something that scared me, stirred. I could feel that I was attracted to her, but I had to deny myself. I had feared-
My thoughts were cut off as Mr Peters asked me to answer a question. Odd, it was rare indeed for him to call directly on me. But, my mind had been distracted, and I had missed the question.
“What was the question again?” I asked.
With his usual smile, he repeated himself, “Can you name three famous scientists that lived within the past 100 years?”
My mind raced. I could think of Hawkings, Einstine … and I drew a blank on the third. I began answering his question all the same. It was my hope that the third one would come to my mind while I was talking. Luckily for me, it managed to work out that way. The example I had used was Tesla.
“Thank you Taylor.” Mr. Peters responded.
“You're welcome.” I had responded. With that out of the way, my mind was free to return to what it had been pondering. My thoughts however, had been derailed. Not sure what it had been that I had been thinking about so hard, I turned my thoughts to the lesson. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew what it had been.
The lesson ended. And I got up. I had remembered that there was something that I had forgotten that I had wanted to do. A faint voice in the back of my mind told me so. Instinctively, I turned my head to the side, and remembered all too suddenly what it had been. Fluttershy. My mind exploded when I caught sight of her. She was the same as she had been last week, but I could feel my desire to talk to her overpowering my fears. But then I froze. What would I say? I had nothing to say, or ask. All of my questions had already been asked, and I didn't know her enough to simply chat with. Perhaps if I simply retreated to the cafe, and waited for an opportunity to make a comment on something she would say, then perhaps we could begin a conversation. That was plan. I knew I was running away, away from my fears, but I was used to that.
As I made my way out, I froze at the door. My ears could pick out her soft voice over the crowd. She was talking to someone. That was good, that meant that she was occupied and that I had free license to make my way out. After all, as long as she was talking to someone, that meant I didn't have to talk to her.
But still I wouldn't move. The compulsion to speak to her was too strong. I had never felt it like that before. I had always been able to override it, or in some cases, ignore it. I was usually able to rationalize doing so, or to simply flee, but this time, it was too strong. I stood there, unable to move, yet unwilling to leave. Taking a sigh, and preparing myself for impact, I turned and walked over to where Fluttershy was sitting.
A thought crossed my mind as I made my way over there. Why hadn't Caitlin or Rob or really anyone said hi to me yet? Granted, I hadn't been anywhere near them, so they didn't really have a chance, but even so. I took a quick look to see if I could spot them, and to my surprise, I found that the social one, Pinkie I think her name was, was on a roll with Caitlin. I would be hard pressed to hear two people laugh harder then they were at that moment. I had hoped that perhaps she would've bumped into me, that way I might avoid what was to come, but that possibility was lost in a sea of mirth and giggles.
There was always Rob. Looking around, I hoped that perhaps I could catch sight of him, but he was also busy talking to two others. The country girl and the goth-nerd. Apparently they were just starting a rather serious discussion, one that I suspected would cause them to linger in the room after everyone had left, as seemed the norm for those sort of discussions. I figured it was only a matter of time before Mr Peters would become involved as well.
Another down. It seemed like there was only one other option; flee for my dear life. Taking a quick glance behind me, I saw the fashionable one holding another discussion with a few others in front of the door, blocking any chance of escape. The last one, the tom boy, was already gone, and I could already hear the shouting of players and the slamming of the basketball.
There were no excuses. I was trapped. Looking ahead, I saw that whoever she had been talking to had left, for she sat all alone. My heart stopped. There was no escape. It felt as though there was an invisible wall before me, and I knew that passing through the wall would land me on uneven ground. I would be standing in a terrifying place, alone, and full exposed to whatever would come. I stepped towards her, through the wall, and right into that land of terror. After a few steps, I was within talking distance. If not for the fact that I had been looking at her the whole time, I could have simply stood near by and acted as though I was waiting for the room to clear out, as awkward as that would have been. But my eye contact made me committed. I had to open my mouth. Just be friendly Taylor, just say hi, tell her that you're glad to see her again, and try and mean it...
Ok, let's do this; “Hey, glad to see you again.” I paused, “Sorry if I was a too talkative last week.”
I waited for a response. She looked up at me with surprise in her eyes. She quickly looked away and softly spoke, “Oh … that's ok. It … it's not a big deal...”
I took a large internal sigh. I decided that I was going to be in this one for the long haul. I'd done this before, just ask a lot of questions, try and get them to talk as much as possible. I took a seat. “So your friend there...” I signaled with my hand towards the country girl, waiting for her to fill in her name. She looked at me, and looked over to where I was pointing.
“Twilight?” she asked.
“Not that one, the other one, with the hat thingy” I said with a bit of a joking tone.
“Oh. That's Applejack.”
“Ah, I see. Yes, that's the one! She told me that you were here to train to become a vet?”
Her eyes lit up a bit, but she was still hesitant. “Oh, yes, I am...” she sort of trailed off.
This was going to be difficult. “So I take it you like animals then?”
“Yes, I do! Very much.” she lit up a bit more.
Looks like I was going to have to dig a bit more. “What kind of vet are you going to be? Dog? Cat? African lizard toad?” I said that last one with a bit of a smirk.
“African lizard toad? But there's no such thing!”
“I know, I just said that to be funny.”
“Oh.”
Ugg. She was going to be a tough one to carry a conversation with. “So, what kind of vet do you want to be?”
“Well ... I really like small animals, but right now I'm learning how to take care of bigger ones.”
“Really? Where at?”
“Oh, at Applejack's farm.”
The conversation went much like that for the rest of the evening. My asking questions and her answering them. It was a difficult conversation to have, but one that I hoped she appreciated. It was a bit hard, but I could tell that if I did this again, then perhaps we could strike a friendship. I began plotting out the course of events in my head. To me, it seemed like an easy relationship to understand. With each conversation I would perhaps become more comfortable, and perhaps she would as well. The next conversation might be less forced, but still forced none-the-less. Perhaps the time after that I might have the chance to spend time with her in a less formal setting. Perhaps in Caitlin's house, or perhaps at Rob's place. I figured that we would gradually become friends. Which is why what came next came as a total surprise.
We had just finished talking about cat claws when the words sort of blundered out of my mouth: “Hey, you wanna go to the pound sometime? I'd love to hear what you'd have to say about the animals there.”
I froze. Did … did … did I just say that? Did I actually just ask her to spend time with me after only the second time meeting her? My heart skipped a beat. Why did I say that? And the pound of all places? I hated the pound! I loved those animals, and the ide-
“Oh!” she half-exclaimed half-gasped, “I didn't know there was a pound here! That would be lovely!”
My heart stopped. I was screwed. She had said yes. I would have to walk into that awful place with someone I barely knew, and on top of that, I would have to act interested in whatever she would say. I let out an internal groan. What had I done? This could only end poorly. This was going to be the most awkward experience I had faced in a good long time. And yet, it felt as though all of my dread was only a farce, which scared me more, for that meant something else was hiding behind it.
“But I don't have a car...” she trailed off. Ah! An escape! I could just simply shrug and say, I guess another time, but as I opened my mouth:
“Well that's all right!” came a heavy southern accent from behind me. “I can give y'all a ride Fluttershy. Where an' when?” Fluttershy's eyes lit up as she looked over my head at her country styled friend. I turned around.
“Huh?” I was caught a bit by surprise.
“I said that I can give her a ride, I just need 'ta know where I'mma goin and when we need 'ta be there.” Applejack responded to my blank face.
“Oh. Ok then. Well, how about tomorrow? I'm free.” I answered.
“What time?” Applejack asked.
“Uh, say about … 3ish?” I figured that would give me enough time to get up, shower, and be ready for the day, assuming that I would wake up at noon or 1.
“Great! Now, where is it?” she asked crossing her arms and leaning against the desk.
“Uh, it's off of Rosemont. Just head past the old theater, or about halfway, I'm not exactly sure. But it'll be on the left.” I said with some hesitation and a shrug. I was not one hundred percent sure where it was, but that seemed about right. I had been there before, and I had passed it from time to time.
“Got it! We'll see ya there. Come on Fluttershy, we gotta go.” Applejack said while pointing a thumb at the door.
“Oh! O-Ok then. Well, see you tomorrow, I guess” She said as she stood up, keeping eye contact the whole while. She was so lit up. She was so kind...
I shook my mental head, “Great, I'll see you at 3ish then! Have a good night.”
“Why thank you. You too!” she said with a smile.
“Yep, sleep tight ya hear?” said her friend.
“Thanks, night.” I responded while they walked out of the room. Great, now she would be there and overpower the whole thing. Talking to Fluttershy would be out of the question, save for a few moments when I could try and force the conversation to include her. But still, perhaps it will work out anyway. Even if I was confused. What had just happened? Did I really just straight up ask her to do that with me?
Taking a look around, I saw that most people had left the classroom at this point. Not sure whether or not if I wanted to go home just yet, I wandered to the cafe to see if anyone I wanted to chat with was still here. Approaching it, I could hear only a few voices, and some loud laughing. Walking into it, I saw Caitlin and a few others who names eluded me, including the texting demon. She was the center of it all. Everyone in the room was listening to her talk, rant, joke, whatever it was that crossed her mind. Granted, while I found much of what she had been saying amusing, I decided that it was time for me to go home, as everyone else seemed to be occupied.
Tomorrow huh? Well, I guess I'll just look at it like I'm getting to know the new people and I'm acting as a means for them to become integrated. Perhaps she would eventually befriend other people and I wouldn't have to do things like these. Yeah, that was it, I was just acting as a 'welcome party' as it were.
That was a filthy lie.
And I knew it...