Blueblood’s Bunker, somewhere inside the Canterlot Mountains
“Fancy Pants!” King Blueblood exclaimed, smiling as he walked towards the door to his bunker, extending a hoof towards Fancy Pants, who shook it.
“Yes, the internment is going well, and—”
Blueblood shook his head and smiled. “No need to elaborate, Minister Fancy Pants. I saw the urgent telegram that you sent, and you are quite welcome to stay in my bunker for your safety. What a terrible business, nearly being killed in your own office by that race-traitor Pumpkin Cake.”
Fancy Pants nodded.
“You never did write how you managed to survive the attempt, though.”
“I teleported out the open window before she could kill me,” Fancy Pants lied.
Blueblood chuckled. “Ah. Miss Cake probably assumed that, like Trixie, you were unable to teleport, but it’s a good thing that I taught you how.”
“Yes, thank you,” said Fancy Pants.
Blueblood said, “I shall give you the tour. Now, you’ve seen the meeting room and my office before. Now, I will show you the living quarters.” He walked down the concrete hallway as Fancy Pants followed. There were six doorways to either side.
“All of the rooms are identical. Here is mine,” said Blueblood, stopping at the first door on the right. The room was small and had grey walls, but Blueblood had decorated it the best that he could, with a princess-sized bed, a fancy rug on the floor, and portraits up on the windowless walls, including one of the Canterlot skyline. A tall bookshelf stood with many books, and a jigsaw puzzle and a stack of playing cards sat on a small coffee table in the corner.
“It’s almost as if I’m still up above ground!” Blueblood chuckled. He turned around and exited the room, and Fancy Pants followed.
“All of these rooms are identical to mine, minus the furnishings. Pick whichever one you want,” said Blueblood, motioning to the other eleven doors in the hallway. “I do apologize about the lack of amenities; I have been hoping to get a swimming pool or a gym put in here, soon. This bunker was never designed to be lived in long-term.”
Fancy Pants nodded. “As long as it is magic-proof and intangibility-proof, that is what matters. I can conduct my propaganda work from in here just fine.”
Blueblood smiled. “You should be safe. Forget Pumpkin Cake; not even an alicorn could infiltrate this bunker.”
Fancy Pants nodded as he went to go pick out a room. As Blueblood said, they all were exactly the same, with drab grey walls and no windows. He couldn’t even imagine how Blueblood had been living in here for so long.
He picked the room closest to the conference hall, so that he wouldn’t have to walk as long of a distance. The bed was plain white, and the walls were steel grey. Fancy Pants closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed, retrieving a small vial from inside of his vest. It held about a milliliter of clear, colorless, odorless liquid. It resembled water, but it was deadly.
The vial contained a virus, Drowsilia, called such because it caused its victims to become very drowsy. Its other symptoms almost exactly matched the flu, enough that a doctor who didn’t think to look for Drowsilia wouldn’t be aware that a patient even had it, and would likely mistake the sleepiness as merely the patient’s body trying to rest from a flu. The major difference was Drowsilia’s lethality. It killed 97% of its victims, most of those within five days or sooner. Blueblood’s death was almost certain if he contracted Drowsilia.
Thankfully, Drowsilia wasn’t very contagious, and normally it could only be transmitted through sexual contact or other direct exchange of bodily fluids. Blueblood was single and isolated inside of his bunker, so there was no worry of his sickness sparking a pandemic. When Blueblood died, the medical examiner would believe it to have been from a bad case of the flu. Given Blueblood’s lack of physical activity and general weakness from having been inside a bunker for months, it would be easy to see how he could have died from the flu. If Fancy Pants was suspected, it would only be from being an innocent, asymptomatic carrier of the flu virus.
As he fiddled with the vial in his magic, he examined it closely. Amazing how something so small could be so deadly. It was still early in the afternoon, so he merely needed to wait for dinner and the chance to slip the contents into Blueblood’s drink.
Fancy Pants looked around at the drab, grey walls. He wished that he had brought something to do, or some book to read. Perhaps he could borrow one of Blueblood’s books. He got up off of his bed and walked out the door, crossing the hallway to Blueblood’s room. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Instead, Blueblood was inside, snoring quite loudly, his door locked. He must have been taking a nap.
Sighing, Fancy Pants returned to his bunker. With nothing else to do, he simply stared at the walls. At the ceiling.
All around the incredibly small, cramped room.
It suddenly felt as though the walls were closing in on Fancy Pants, crushing him with their sheer weight. He had been mildly claustrophobic when he was younger, but usually it didn’t bother him anymore in his old age. Taking deep, rhythmic breaths, he tried to stave off the panic attack. It worked momentarily, until a realization closed in on his mind like the walls around him.
If he killed Blueblood, he could have to live in here for the rest of his life.
Sure, Equestria wouldn’t try to kill Fancy Pants since he was “their guy,” but what about lone wolves like Pumpkin Cake, or what about unicorns from the Second Kingdom who might want him dead? After all, if Fancy Pants were in power, he would seek to bring peace between Equestria and the Second Kingdom. He would try to preserve unicorn independence; despite his problems with the current SK leadership and its genocide and war, he still firmly believed in the idea of a unicorn nation.
Nevertheless, as a turncoat, Fancy Pants was almost entirely at the mercy of Agent Sparkler, Princess Twilight, and Princess Luna. If they didn’t like an independent Second Kingdom, they could threaten the new President Fancy Pants to sign away its independence, and they had quite a bit of leverage over him. If he was forced to sign an unfavorable surrender, there could be an assassination attempt on his life, or a military coup, or innumerable other bad outcomes. Even if he signed a peace treaty on favorable terms to the Second Kingdom, there were still a few unicorn extremists out there who believed that the other pony races must be subjugated or exterminated, and they would see any peace as unacceptable.
Agent Sparkler had assured Fancy Pants that Canterlot would still be allowed its independence, though the other cities like Mareicopa and Ponyville would be returned to Equestria. But was that merely a lie that she had told him just to get him to cooperate? Was their romance based off of lies, too? Did Amethyst Star really not care for Fancy Pants at all like she claimed, and the relationship was just a ploy for her to sway him with endorphins to ensure he completed his mission?
Fancy Pants buried his head into his pillow, confused and overwhelmed by everything. A single tear came to his eye, though he did not make any noise. He finally emerged about ten minutes later, gazing up at the walls and ceiling. So crushing, and he could be here for the rest of his life if he killed Blueblood and succeeded him as president. Perhaps he shouldn’t kill him at all, and should abandon the plan.
But the loneliness and guilt are even more crushing than the walls, he realized.
Of course. He remembered why he wanted to kill Blueblood in the first place. He was tired of feeling sick at his stomach, tired of hating himself for the things that Blueblood made him do. He was tired of the fratricidal war between the brotherly pony races of unicorn, earth pony, and pegasi, and tired of Equestrian unicorns and SK unicorns killing one another. He was tired of the disguises, the mask that he had to wear rather than speak up against what he knew what was wrong.
As for Amethyst Star, she seemed genuine in her affection towards him. It was always a risk of romance, that the other pony was using oneself for her own benefit. Perhaps Agent Sparkler was just a typical promiscuous secret agent who slept with every stallion that she found, and used her masterful skills of deception to trick them into thinking there was something there. Or, perhaps there was something more between them. All Fancy Pants knew was that he had not had a love so good in the years since his wife had died. He had had only one-night stands and disappointments. But Sparkler and Fancy Pants had been involved for almost a month now. In between invisible love-making sessions in his office, they had actually talked, and she had told him about herself (at least, as much as he was allowed to know, given her secret line of work). Behind her professional veil of short-tempered sarcasm, there was a sweet, kind-hearted pony who truly cared for others and wanted to stop the war just as much as he did. He chose to trust her. Not just because he wanted to. Because he needed to.
He stood up from his bed, dusting himself off and drying his eyes. A smile crossed his face as he glanced at the vial floating in his magic. He would kill Blueblood for Amethyst Star. For the Second Kingdom. For the unicorn race.
For his own conscience.
King Blueblood and Fancy Pants sat across from one another in his dining room. They were the only two ponies there. They were both rather talkative with each other, since they were longtime friends from before Canterlot was independent. It hurt Fancy Pants slightly that he had to kill his old friend, but he had become a monster. Friends shouldn’t let friends destroy nations. There was only one way to stop Blueblood.
“I say, King Blueblood, is that a spider on the wall behind you?”
He swiveled around, as Fancy Pants quickly floated the open vial over bluebood’s drink, pouring it in.
“I don’t see it… hmm…” Blueblood said as Fancy Pants withdrew the vial, just in time for Blueblood to turn back around.
Fancy Pants shrugged. “Ah, perhaps my old eyes are failing me.”
“I know a good eye doctor in Canterlot, Fancy Pants. He can come right here into the bunker and see you. Though it might be trial and error for a bit, since much of his equipment is in his office.”
The words went through Fancy Pants’ ears without stopping as he simply waited for Blueblood to take another sip.
Finally, he did. Fancy Pants’ heart skipped a beat, and he shuddered slightly.
“What is it? Another spider on the wall?” asked Blueblood jokingly.
Fancy Pants didn’t answer for a few seconds. Finally, he said, “Yes. Just a spider.”
His heart raced. Blueblood had just drank the Drowsilia-laced drink. Sometime in the next week, he would be dead. Or, at least, there was a 97% chance of it.
After dinner, Fancy Pants deliberately dropped a dinner plate and broke it, though he made it look like an accident. He put it in a trashbag and told one of the guards to take it out to the dumpster outside of the bunker. That was his signal to Sparkler, who would search the trash bags that evening, that the plan had gone through without a hitch, and that Blueblood would soon die of the virus.
Or so he hoped.
Fillydelphia, Day One after the poisoning
Pound Cake’s wings strained as he heaved another plain cardboard box through the door to his new office. He set it down next to the others, piled up along the walls that smelled of fresh paint.
“Yeeeah!” Bulky Biceps shouted, setting down the three boxes that he held in his muscular hooves. “Those were the last ones, Pound Cake!”
All around the room, boxes full of papers, books, and office supplies were stacked. Now, Pound could start unpacking all of them.
“I’ll be helping the others move,” said Biceps, and he walked off.
Pound Cake opened up a single box, unlabeled just like the rest, and emptied out its contents: staplers, pens, pencils, tape, highlighters. He placed it all in a pile on his large oak desk, which stood on the far wall, near the office window and potted fern. It wasn’t very neat, but he would take his time with arranging his desk later. Right now, he just wanted to get to the box that had his important papers in it. He reached into the saddlebag on his back and placed one final item on the desk, a shiny bronze nameplate that said, “Pound Cake, Co-chairpony of Equestrians For Action,” and set it in the middle of his desk for everypony to see.
Equestrians For Action was a brand-new group, but made up of old friends. The Cloudsdale Loyalty Committee had had to disband recently, a day after Pound had returned from his trip to Stirrup. The CLC had come under scrutiny from President Lightning Dust for its actions. She took issue with their reunification politics, which threatened the independence of the Cloud Confederacy. There was also a diplomatic rift with the Second Kingdom due to the group’s salting actions. Blueblood hadn’t been willing to start a war with the Confederacy over it. However, he was stern enough with Dust to prompt her to launch a raid of their hotel. She was to have them all arrested and extradited to the SK.
Luckily for the Cloudsdale Loyalty Committee, though, they were already gone. Lightning Dust’s corruption had come back to bite her, and a police officer had alerted them. The CLC members had just an hour to grab all of their things and throw them haphazardly into boxes, making it into Equestrian airspace just in time to miss the raid. The boxes had sat in storage for nearly a week until the group could secure an office and rebrand itself. Fillydelphia was a good locale since it was located at the midpoint of the east coast of Equestria, halfway between Manehattan and Horseshoe Bay.
The group settled on the new, fitting name: “Equestrians For Action,” since it conveyed more of the group’s newly-expanded mission than the “Cloudsdale Loyalty Committee.” After all, unicorns and earth ponies from Equestria had been helping the pegasi on their salting raids for months now. The group had also expanded its political mission far beyond its original, narrow intent of “loyalty;” the now 500 members of the group also desired an end to corruption and greed in Equestria. The group was also more than just a “committee” now.
Pound Cake opened the second box, and smiled as he found what he was looking for. The box held pictures, balls of red yarn, paper, and push pins, all hastily thrown in and jumbled together. Pound emptied out the contents onto the ground, and over the next hour, placed the pictures onto a one-by-five meter corkboard that was hanging on one of the walls. There were dozens of pictures, linked to each other by lines of yarn, held up by pushpins. Paper labels stood at each of the pictures, clarifying the nature of the connections.
At the very top was Twilight Sparkle herself. Down from her, several strings expanded outward. Filthy Rich, Jet Set, and Upper Crust were linked to her due to their inclusion on the Equestrian Economic Council. Aunt and Uncle Orange were linked to Jet Set and Upper Crust. Diamond Tiara was linked to Filthy Rich as his daughter. The head of the Manehattan Police Department was linked to fashionista magnate Rarity due to them having formerly dated. Rarity was linked back to Diamond Tiara due to them both being business partners in Rarity’s jewelry lines. The CEO of Pursuit Bank, Shiny Diamond, was directly linked to nearly all of the businessponies, due to his bank making loans to them.
Many other ponies were on the corkboard, including a senator from Dodge Junction who had been accused of taking bribes from Silver Spoon, head of a silver mining operation in the town that had polluted the local waters. Silver Spoon was connected back to Diamond Tiara due to a longstanding friendship. Known tax cheat and winemaker Berry Punch was linked to the head of the Tall Tale mafia, who was linked to the senator from Tall Tale. There were over 100 ponies on the board and almost 300 connections between them which Pound Cake, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and others in the EFA had uncovered. It resembled a giant spiderweb once he finished putting it up.
The web of lies, deceit, corruption, and greed in Equestria made Pound’s head spin. Such a small number of ponies should never be allowed to have that sort of power over so many others. He had no idea how he could possibly bring these millionaires and billionaires to justice for what they had done to Equestria and its ponies. But he had the support of Equestrians For Action. They had nearly brought down the Second Kingdom to its knees, so perhaps they could bring down the oligarchs in Equestria, too. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were already on their way to confront Twilight Sparkle regarding the Oranges.
“You missed a line, there.”
Pound Cake whirled around as he was putting up the pictures, turning to face the speaker. But he saw nopony. His eyes widened as he zipped towards the door, but it slammed shut. As he tried to open it with his hoof, a magical force pushed back.
“Relax. If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead already,” said the mare’s voice. “Sit down and let’s talk.”
“Who are you!?” Pound Cake demanded, zipping around the room and swinging with his hoof at the air trying to hit the invisible pony until he found himself suspended in a field of purple magic.
“Take it easy. Gosh, your sister was so much easier to talk to. She just floated there dumbstruck while I said my piece, and then I let her leave unharmed.”
“What do you want?”
“The same thing that you want. And I’m going to tell you how to get it. Now, you want to see the Second Kingdom defeated, yes? With no other options but surrender?”
Pound nodded.
The voice said, “Well, you have done a good job of it, so far. Too good, since now the SK is lashing out in crazy ways like genocide. A cornered opponent is a dangerous opponent, like a rabid dog. That’s why you always leave him with a little ray of hope, a single escape valve, and have that valve lead your opponent right where you want him. I’m sure that Spitfire told you that when she taught you military strategy.”
Pound’s eyes widened. “How do you know...”
“Because I can turn invisible and spy. Come on. I mean, why does it always surprise ponies when I tell them things about them that they think only they know? Invisibility has its perks.”
Pound Cake smirked. “I know what I’d use it for!”
“Of course you do, you’re fifteen. But here in the adult world there’s a little thing called planning, something that you and your sister severely lack. Now, I can see on your corkboard that you’re tackling corruption to try to stop the Oranges from supplying the SK with food. But did you ever stop to think that they can get the food though magic, too?”
Pound shook his head. “Magic can’t create food.”
The voice groaned. “I don’t mean that way. I mean, sneaking across the border and levitating giant grain silos back to the Second Kingdom. It’s October, and most of them are still sitting in the fields in Manesas and Neighbraska.”
“Well, voice, we did think of that,” Pound scoffed. “If that happens, then the regular Equestrian military will stop them.”
“Not if they’re short in numbers in the north, they won’t. Remember that failed assault on Mareicopa? Where do you think those troops came from?”
Pound Cake blinked.
The voice chuckled. “Now you see the problem. The Equestrian army has a vulnerability and Blueblood is about to exploit it. Now is the perfect time, since the zebras just scored a win, and are sending all of their army here. In anticipation, many Equestrian troops are being rotated away from the line of contact near the Flatlands to protect the cities of Tall Tale and Vanhoover.”
“So what do you want me to do?” asked Pound Cake.
“Well, your little ‘Equestrians For Action’ group should make itself useful and go patrol Neighbraska. Tomorrow night, when they launch their first incursion across the border, blow up the grain silos when they try to take them.”
Pound Cake sighed. “You know, I would do that, but… I don’t know. I feel like whatever I do, the Second Kingdom just does something else to lash out. Blueblood is a rabid dog, like you said. We start salting the crops, Blueblood sends assassins against me, so I get security, so he gets food from the Oranges, so I try to expose their corruption, so he starts a genocide, so I send my own sister to stop it. What’s the next hole in my plan?”
“Wow, you can actually feel self-doubt? Color me impressed,” said the invisible mare. “But this time, I can assure you, there will be no more holes.”
“But I can’t do this if I think that he’ll just start killing those ponies before Pumpkin can rescue them. Maybe the only solution is to…” he paused for a moment. “Wait a minute. You can turn invisible. Why haven’t you killed Blueblood yet?”
“There were attempts. Ever hear of the parade bombing?” asked the invisible mare.
“No, just sneak up on him and stab him in the back. It can’t be that hard,” said Pound Cake.
“He has security to stop invisible ponies. Maybe you should invest in that, too, by the way, since I got in here rather easily.”
Pound shook his head. “If Blueblood can’t be killed, then I can’t push him even further into a corner. Not unless there’s a sure-fire plot to kill him and replace him with a pony who would rather surrender than conduct genocide. Is there a plot?”
The mare remained silent. Pound Cake smiled.
“There’s a plot, isn’t there? I knew it!”
“You don’t know anything, except for what I told you to do. Now do it, and tell nopony else of my existence.”
Pound felt the magical grasp on his body ease, and he fell to the floor. At that moment, the door swung open, and the invisible mare teleported out.
Manehattan, Day Two after the poisoning
“We don’t wants Smokey Mountain. We wants Starswirl Peak, which is far better for gemmmsss. Sapphires, topaz, white diamonds, even pink diamonds!”
Alpha-Male Rover, the very top dog of the Diamond Dog pack, smiled and bared his fangs as he rubbed his paws together, his emerald green eyes piercing into the hearts of the three ponies across the table from him. There was Princess Twilight Sparkle, successful Manehattanite fashionista Rarity, and Fluttershy, Secretary of the Wilderness and the overseer of the Equestrian public lands.
Fluttershy wore a beige suit with a green tie, and shook her head, pointing to a map on the table with certain areas highlighted. “But Starswirl Mountain is where the endangered spotted burrowing mountain mole lives. You can’t mine it; you’d be destroying their habitat! And it’s the only mountain in the world where that species of mole lives!”
“It also only mountain in world where pink diamonds found,” Rover scoffed.
Princess Twilight said, “I defer to Fluttershy. We’ve already given you enough of a concession for this military alliance, Alpha Rover. You’re lucky that we’re even considering letting you mine in public lands in the first place, since that is normally illegal. There are plenty of gems in Smokey Mountain.”
Rover held up a paw. “Ah, but not as many gems in Smokey Mountain as in Starswirl Mountain. We dim, but we not stupid, Princess Sparkley. And Smokey Mountain too close to Tall Tale. We would hate for zeebie airstrike to take out our mines, now, wouldn’t we’s? Starswirl Peak much further inland. Much safer, yes.”
Rarity nodded in silent agreement with the Alpha.
Twilight sighed. “Yes, Smokey Mountain is a strategic overlook and vantage point over Tall Tale, and that’s why we’re letting you mine that mountain, so that you have a vested interest in defending the city below. You mine the mountain, set up military defenses, and get some fur in the game. That way you will deny the area to the zebras and fight them when they try to take the mountain. And they will, since without it, they won’t be able to hold the city since they’d be subject to mortar fire from the mountain.”
“We don’t shit where we eat,” said Rover bluntly, making Rarity wince at such language. “Our mining and army keep apart. We mine inland, on Starswirl Peak, safe from zeebies. Then we send doggies to fight in Tall Tale in return. No mixing the two. We hear Zappo’s victory speech against griffons; we know you desperate. We have bargainsies power, not you. You accept our terms. No Starswirl Mountain, no alliance.”
Twilight Sparkle glanced over at Fluttershy, who was merely shaking her head. Fluttershy was already opposed to giving Smokey Mountain to the Diamond Dogs, which didn’t even have any endangered animals living on it. It had been a huge battle to convince her that the interests of the war had to trump the interests of the environment, at least temporarily. But Starswirl Mountain, where the moles lived?
But Twilight desperately needed allies for Tall Tale and Vanhoover to stand any chance against the coming Zebra Empire onslaught that Zaporizhia had boldly proclaimed. The cities were only just barely holding on as it was, but with the griffons defeated and the full force of the Zebra Empire army on its way? With the zebra populations in Tall Tale already rioting, and many sympathetic to the emperor? The west coast didn’t stand a chance without additional reinforcements. The Diamond Dogs were few in number, but their army of three thousand warriors was fierce and courageous, especially when there were gemstones involved.
About a minute passed, and then Twilight Sparkle reluctantly sighed. “Alright, how about you get to mine Starswirl Peak, but only after the end of the war, if Tall Tale remains in Equestrian hooves. That way you will still have an incentive to fight for it.”
Fluttershy shook her head. Rarity smiled, her eyes sparkling.
“I would agree, but how we know you keep your end of deal?” asked Rover, his eyes narrowing. “Equestria break treaties before. Look at buffalo. Ponies take what they wants and toss everyone else aside. If we fight war for Equestria, maybe Equestria won’t let us have Starswirl Peak after all.”
“That was many years ago, and our leadership was different. Luna was on the moon and had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t even born yet,” said Twilight Sparkle. “I understand why you’re hesitant, but we truly regret what our country did to the buffalo, and paid dearly for it when they aligned with Blueblood against us. But you’re correct that we need to offer something in advance to assure our word is good.”
“That is where I come in, Alpha Rover,” said Rarity. She had remained quiet throughout the entire meeting, deferring to Twilight Sparkle and Rover who had dominated most of the conversation. Were it not for her rather dazzling business attire, she wouldn’t have been noticed at the meeting at all.
“Yes, Miss Rarity?” asked Rover, smiling. After the little mining debacle with Rarity many years ago that had thoroughly embarrassed Rover in front of his pack, she was the only pony that he treated with any sort of respect.
“I know the gem-finding spell, and I can improve the efficiency of your mining operation. I’ll want 10% of the gemstones, of course: five percent for me and five for charity. Despite the 10%, you will mine twice as many gems overall if I assist you. Hopefully Fluttershy is pleased enough with my skills, but I can ensure that you won’t dig any mine shafts that come up empty. Only the areas that I know to have gems will be disturbed, and the rest of the mountain will be left intact for the moles.”
“That’s still not good enough. They’re very sensitive creatures.” said Fluttershy. “The noise of the mining could scare them off, and the digging could disturb their holes.”
“Fluttershy, dear, I wasn’t quite finished,” said Rarity. “As I was saying, Alpha Rover, I will offer you my support, and you know that it is in my interests for you to mine that mountain without petty political or environmental squabbles getting in the way.”
“But Miss Rarity, you not Princess Sparkley or Secretary Fluttery,” said Rover. “You may want treaty honored, but you can’t stop ponies from breaking agreement: you a private businessmare, not in government.”
“The lines between business and government are more blurred than ever these days,” said Rarity. “I can ensure that it would be painful for Equestria to break its treaty. If you take out loans in advance from Pursuit Bank to finance the mining operation, they will have an interest in you mining Starswirl Peak to pay them back. By extension, so will the Central Equestrian Bank, which guarantees the solvency of all the banks in Equestria. The CEB would have to pay to prop up Pursuit Bank if you defaulted on such a large loan. I personally know Shiny Diamond, the CEO of Pursuit Bank, and I can vouch for the Diamond Dogs’ loan creditworthiness, and for Twilight Sparkle’s treaty trustworthiness. Pursuit Bank will lend you the money.”
Twilight Sparkle blinked. Rarity had not consulted about this little plan with her before the meeting.
Rarity continued, “Then, when the war looks as though it is about to come to a close, I will draw up some concept art, and we will begin taking advance pink diamond jewelry orders from the nobles, aristocrats, and oligarchs. Ponies like Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara, the Oranges, the Rockefillies. It will be the most dazzling jewelry the world has ever seen. How upset do you think they would be to find that the rare gemstone orders wouldn’t be fulfilled, and could never be fulfilled without mining Starswirl Peak?”
Rover smiled. “They go more crazy for gems than Diamond Dogs do!”
Rarity nodded. “Exactly. Never underestimate the power of the nobles.”
Twilight Sparkle glanced down at the table. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was true: she was beholden to the rich of Equestria. For years, she had always wondered why Princess Celestia held those galas and fancy events in Canterlot, and why she cozied up to the nobles and wealthy businessponies. Now that she was in Celestia’s horseshoes, she knew.
“That make sense,” said Rover. “Okay, we get loan and mine mountain after war if we win, and Miss Rarity help us find pink diamonds. We likes this deal. And no backsies, or Equestria gets the hurtsies from the nobles and the banks!”
“Of course,” said Rarity, holding up a hoof, “such discussion is merely hypothetical, since I can assure you that Princess Sparkle has no intention of reneging on this treaty. Equestria learned its lesson from the buffalo.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Starswirl Peak mining rights after the war, in exchange for your full and total support in the war against the zebras in Tall Tale. No mining rights if we lose the city of Tall Tale to the Zebra Empire.”
“And you will still have to do remediation afterwards, to restore Starswirl Mountain to pristine condition,” said Fluttershy. “Environmental law is very clear. You will pay fines if even a single mole is killed or driven from its habitat.”
“Rest assured that this will be as eco-friendly as possible, Secretary Fluttershy,” said Rarity. “With my gem detection, only areas that actually have gems will be disturbed. No more needlessly mining large areas to come up empty-hoofed… er, empty-pawed. Why waste the money on dry holes? What’s good for profit is good for the environment, too.”
In about an hour, the treaty was drawn up, and both Alpha Rover and Princess Twilight signed it. Rover smiled widely as he shook Twilight Sparkle’s hoof, flashing his yellow canines.
“Pleasure doing business with you,” he said.
“Likewise,” said Twilight.
Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle all sat in the dining room of the capitol building, eating a finely-prepared salad. Rarity’s horn glowed as she took dainty bites. Fluttershy’s salad was mostly untouched.
“My newest line of dresses absolutely swept the judges away at this year’s fashion show,” said Rarity in-between bites. “I estimate I’ll sell twenty million bits worth.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of money!” Twilight exclaimed.
Rarity nodded. “I am living out my dream of being a world-renowned fashionista, and give half of what I make to charity! Though the war may be raging, I am doing my best to make Equestria a more fabulous place to live regardless.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Ponies like you give me hope for the future, Rarity. Every time I have to talk to Blueblood, I just think of you and all the good things the Rarity Charity Foundation does.”
Rarity glanced over at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, darling, you haven’t even touched your salad. Is something the matter?” she asked.
Fluttershy remained silent, merely grunting.
“Oh gosh, it’s not the salad, is it? I told my chef to make it how you liked it, but he’s getting old and he sometimes gets orders wrong,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“The salad’s fine,” Fluttershy muttered.
Rarity leaned in towards Twilight Sparkle and whispered, “I think it may be the moles, Twilight.”
Fluttershy gazed up from her salad, her brow furrowed. “Well finally one of you mentions it. I guess I’m the only pony here who’s bothered by the destruction of a species just so that some greedy oligarchs can enjoy a diamond necklace because ooh, it’s pink and ooh, it’s pretty. Well the moles are pretty, too!”
“Yes, their spotted pelts are splendid for scarves,” said Rarity rather obliviously, as Fluttershy bared her teeth. Rarity continued, “I’m just as concerned as you are with ensuring there are spotted moles around for generations, Fluttershy. I can assure you that they will not go extinct, even with the mining.”
“That gem-finding spell is really accurate; I’ve used it myself,” said Twilight. “Not a single bit of that mountain will be disturbed if it doesn’t contain gems.”
“None of it should be disturbed at all! You may only want the mountain and the gems, but these moles need the mountain. It’s public land that Princess Celestia set aside centuries ago so that future generations could enjoy unspoiled wilderness! Mining it at all sets a terrible precedent, no matter how careful you are, Rarity. Ponies in the future might not be as careful.”
Twilight said, “There’s a war on, Fluttershy, and without the war, I would stick to Princess Celestia’s decree about the public land 100%,” said Twilight. “But we’re under attack by zebras who will kill thousands of ponies—ponies, not moles—if we don’t stop their invasion. To do that, we need allies. The Diamond Dogs are good fighters. I had to make an exception.”
“Fluttershy, do you seriously care more about the lives of a few hundred endangered moles than a few million endangered ponies and zebras?” asked Rarity.
Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Come in,” said Twilight Sparkle.
The double-doors opened, and in stepped Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
All tension immediately vanished from the room, even from Fluttershy’s face, as the three seated ponies got up to greet their old friends.
“Rainbow Dash! Applejack! It has been far too long!” Rarity exclaimed, giving them both giant hugs.
“Fluttershy, I ain’t seen you in ages!” Applejack exclaimed.
Twilight Sparkle smiled as she greeted her friends. “Wow, four of my best friends from Ponyville, together in the same room. The only thing that would make this better would be—”
“SURPRISE!!!”
The five ponies jolted as Pinkie Pie burst through the door.
“Pinkie? I thought you were in Whinnsylvania with your folks!” Applejack exclaimed.
“I was, but then my mouth got super dry, which was my Pinkie sense telling me that there’s a reunion coming up! I just followed the trail to Manehattan until my mouth was as dry as a desert!”
“Oh… that’s why you were always drinkin’ so much at my family reunions!” Applejack chuckled.
“That reminds me!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Do you have any water, Twilight?”
Twilight smiled. “Water, cider, milk: all that you can drink. Let’s all sit down and you can join us for dinner.”
“...And then he said, ‘that’s not a mule, that’s a donkey!’”
Everypony laughed at Pinkie Pie’s silly anecdote. They had finished up a three-course meal that Twilight’s chef had prepared, and were just getting done with dessert.
Rainbow Dash was busy licking her ice cream bowl clean. She turned towards Applejack, who leaned back in her chair. Then, she turned towards Twilight.
“Twilight, Applejack and I need to talk to you about something,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Okay, what is it?” asked Twilight.
Applejack blinked. She hadn’t expected for her and Rainbow Dash to break the news to Twilight Sparkle with other ponies around. Sure, they were all the best of friends, but that was many years ago, and it didn’t concern them regardless.
“In private, in the other room,” said Applejack.
Twilight’s eyebrow raised, but she excused herself from dinner as she, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash walked into the lounge room adjacent, leaving Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy by themselves.
Twilight Sparkle was anxious, her heart beating quickly. What news did Applejack and Rainbow Dash bring? Judging by the looks on their faces, it was serious. Her other three friends were talking and laughing in the other room, but the three of them in the longue were tense as they closed the door to block out the noise.
“Have a seat,” said Twilight. They took seats on the couches. “What seems to be the matter?”
Rainbow Dash said, “Twilight, you know that I’ve been working with Pound Cake on salting the Second Kingdom’s fields, us and the pegasi from the Cloudsdale loyalists.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “I appreciate your efforts to help take down the Second Kingdom, though I fear it may have backfired. They’ve rounded up tens of thousands of earth ponies and pegasi at a stadium in Mareicopa. I am actually supposed to discuss this with Blueblood this evening when I speak to him.”
“We know about the internment,” said Applejack. “We found out through Pound Cake.”
“We would never have done this in the first place if we thought it was putting civilians in danger,” said Rainbow Dash, her face held low as she blanched in shame. “How could we have known?”
Twilight Sparkle shook her head, putting her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have known. You were doing the best with the knowledge you had at the time. I can’t fault you for that. Blame Blueblood. When he felt backed into a corner, he lashed out in a way that nopony thought that he would, in a way that is a war crime. But you and the Cloudsdale loyalists are true patriots to the Equestrian cause no matter what he does.”
Applejack said, “Thanks, Twi. But there’s some mighty powerful ponies in Equestria who ain’t patriots, who’re just in it for their wallets, who we wanted to warn you about.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Of course. I’ve been keeping a close eye on the oligarchs and businessponies. Why do you think that I run the Equestrian Economic Council? Its purpose is two-fold: a legitimate effort to help the economy and the war effort, but also a way to keep an eye on the business magnates who might be more concerned about the former than the latter. Keep your friends close, but your enemies and rivals closer. That was something about leadership that Princess Celestia taught me before she passed.
“I only wish she had taught me more, because sometimes I feel like a ship without a sail. I wasn’t supposed to participate in true leadership until my fifties, and even that was supposed to be limited. But her death thrust me onto the throne early. The Second Kingdom seceded and war broke out. Luna helps me a lot, and is a great speaker and orator when she wants to be, and she’s a hard worker and raises both the sun and moon herself so I won’t have to. But after a thousand years gone, she’s still learning almost as much about modern politics as I am.”
“I hate to bring you bad news, Twi, but I’m afraid that ‘keep your enemies closer’ coulda backfired on you,” said Applejack.
“Months ago, back when Pound was in the middle of Operation Sonic Saltshaker, a pony tried to kill him at the Oranges’ house,” said Rainbow Dash. “We gave him some extra security, and put our strongest guy on the job. Still, Pound was really convinced there was a plot on his life. Since he was the only other pony who can do a sonic rainboom, the crux of our entire plan, we all took him seriously.”
“I told Pound Cake I’d look into it further, and I did,” said Applejack. “After all, the Oranges are my aunt and uncle, and my employers to boot. I hoped I wouldn’t find much, but I swore that if I did, I’d be honest about it. I ain’t gonna let them off easy just because they’re family, and I can always find another orchard management job. I did some snoopin’ around their penthouse, and some eavesdroppin’ on their conversations. What I found shocked me. I didn’t tell nopony else but Rainbow Dash. Pound Cake only knows that I have my suspicions, nothin’ concrete or incriminatin’.”
“He’s a bit too young and rambunctious, like I was when I was his age,” said Rainbow Dash. “We didn’t want him knowing all of the details, because he might have rushed off to act without us.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “You made the right call. His ultimatum in that newspaper kind of shows that he’s a bit too eager to confrontation before planning.”
“He wanted to lead a giant anti-corruption protest, a huge march in Manehattan, but we told him that he shouldn’t… yet. We told him that we knew you personally and we would take the evidence straight to you before marching in the streets, to give you one last chance to make it right,” said Rainbow Dash.
Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow. Was Rainbow Dash actually threatening her with a protest on her administration if she didn’t take appropriate action? She decided she would let the question slide until she saw the evidence.
“What is the evidence?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
Applejack explained, “My Aunt and Uncle Orange, along with my cousin Peachy Pitt, who is now the Second Kingdom’s agriculture minister, are runnin’ a mechanized farming operation in the Second Kingdom. They want it to succeed so that they’ll make money. So Pound Cake saltin’ their crops was a thorn in their side. They planned his assassination, but it failed and he still took out all the crops. So now, they’re buyin’ up planes from Jet Set and Upper Crust, to run food to the Second Kingdom at huge markups. I recorded the whole conversation on tape.”
Twilight Sparkle blinked several times.
“Oh, it gets worse than that, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash, narrowing her eyes. “You know the poison gas attacks against the griffons? Well, the zebras used state-of-the-art warplanes from none other than JSUC munitions to drop the canisters. It’s the newest generation, fast and armored ones that the griffons couldn’t shoot down so easy. Just to confirm, Applejack had me fly over to Zebrica and snap some pictures of their planes up close.”
Rainbow Dash dropped the photographs on the desk. There was no mistaking the planes. Only the JSUC factory produced those models.
“They wanna keep the war goin’ forever so they can keep sellin’ weapons to Equestria,” said Applejack. “If there were ever peace, their profits would suffer. And Jet Set and Upper Crust are in cahoots with the Oranges and Peachy to make sure the war never ends.”
Twilight Sparkle felt the walls closing in. For years, she had known Jet Set and Upper Crust; they had been on her economic council, and JSUC was the largest single supplier of weaponry to the Equestrian army. How could they stab her in the back like this, and how could Twilight have not seen through their lies? Rainbow Dash and Applejack sat in silence, both with stern looks on their faces as Twilight practically squirmed in her chair.
She spoke after some time. “This is absolutely terrible news. Weapons suppliers to Equestria are supposed to sell to our country only. I will give over this evidence to the attorney general of Equestria and have him press treason charges. I will order my most trusted RISK agents to follow all major shipments from the JSUC factory to their destinations to ensure this won’t happen again. But…”
She stopped for a moment. “...JSUC Munitions is the largest supplier of weapons to Equestria. The zebras are about to invade full force thanks to their treason, but we still need all of the weapons that we can get. I can’t just cancel our weapons contracts with JSUC, or we’ll be defenseless as soon as our current supplies run out.”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash nodded.
“Nopony’s asking you to put our troops at risk,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Just press charges against Jet Set and Upper Crust,” said Applejack. “They’ll sell their stock in the company to the minority shareholders and you can keep your weapons contracts.”
“It isn’t that simple,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Who knows how many minority shareholders are involved in this conspiracy, too? And honestly, how can I blame them? War is good business for a weapons company no matter who is running it. It’s an inherent conflict of interest that I don’t think jailing Jet Set and Upper Crust can solve.”
“Then you should nationalize the weapons industry,” said Rainbow Dash. “Seize their factories and have loyal patriots in the government run it instead of greedy private businessponies. That way, you can make sure the weapons don’t fall into Zebra or SK hooves. Take the profit out of war. And nationalize the orchards while you’re at it, since they’re in on this conspiracy, too.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack chided. “I’ve already had this talk with you before. No nationalizin’ nothin’. Not the weapons plants, not the orchards, not nothin’. I ain’t no government employee. We have a free economy, and that’s how we’ll beat the Second Kingdom. We’ll police business corruption through the courts and through our watchful eyes, not by throwin’ the baby out with the bathwater and makin’ it all a branch of the government which, by the way, is just as corrupt. Look at the police in Manehattan for a good example.”
“I couldn’t just nationalize an entire industry by myself, regardless,” said Twilight Sparke. “I’m not a dictator. Such action would require a vote in parliament.”
“Have the vote,” said Rainbow Dash. “Equestrians For Action will be lobbying for it to pass.”
“Then I’ll be quittin’ the EFA and lobbyin’ against it,” said Applejack. “There ain’t an excuse for seizin’ private property. You go all Hollow Shades on the orchards or the factories? You ain’t heard the last from ponies like me.”
“That’s what the parliamentary process is for: debate,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Thank you for bringing this corruption to my attention, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. I can assure you that Jet Set, Upper Crust, and the Oranges will be dealt with as swiftly and justly as possible. Though the parliament can be rather slow to pass new laws, so the question of nationalization will have to wait.”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack nodded, and Twilight Sparkle shook their hooves. They exited the room and joined the others in their after-dinner conversation as if nothing had happened. The night passed with festivity and merriment.
Rainbow Dash was outside of the capitol building, about to take off into the air, when she saw Fluttershy hovering over her. She flew up to meet her friend. Fluttershy nervously glanced around, ensuring nopony was listening.
“I overheard your conversation,” said Fluttershy. “You forgot how good my hearing was.”
“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, blushing. “Yeah, we kind of got into it there. But I think that Twilight is really committed to tackling corruption.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, Rainbow. She isn’t. Don’t be fooled by her; she’s changed since Ponyville. She ignores the law when it’s convenient. Let me explain.”
Mareicopa, Day Two, Evening
Lights of all colors of the rainbow shone across the walls like a kaleidoscope. Loud beats thumped the floor and shook ponies to the bone. Smoke filled the air from fog machines, illuminated by lasers. All around, glowsticks floated in magical grasps, as hundreds of ponies hooted and hollered. Lots of unicorns teleported all around, pegasi hovered in the air and whirled in circles, and earth ponies stomped the ground in unison with the beat, practically causing an earthquake. This was Club Copa, and Pumpkin Cake didn’t like it one single bit. It was way too hectic, with all the light and sound.
“Yeah Mareicopa! Let’s drop the bass!”
The DJ, a white-coated, neon-blue maned-mare, stood up on stage, mixing two turntables as the crowd cheered. Pumpkin Cake walked over to the steps leading up to the stage, but was stopped by a black-shirted earth bouncer who held up his hoof.
“No bothering DJ Pon3 when she’s playing,” said the bouncer gruffly.
Pumpkin Cake shook her head. “This is urgent, though. There’s something that she has to know.”
“Then tell her after the show like everypony else. It’s over in a few hours,” he said.
Pumpkin Cake sighed and turned towards the door. She would just wait for DJ Pon3 outside.
A few hours later, a voice inside shouted, “Alright, that does it for tonight! Thanks for coming to Club Copa, everypony!”
Pumpkin walked towards the door as a stream of ponies started to pour out, but a bouncer, this one a pegasus, held up his hoof.
“Sorry, Club Copa is closed,” he said.
“But I need to speak to DJ—”
“Come back tomorrow when she does her show; you can speak to her then,” he said flatly.
Pumpkin groaned, rolling her eyes. “But I tried that this evening, and the other bouncer said no! I have to tell her something urgent.”
“Then tell her tomorrow,” said the bouncer.
Pumpkin Cake teleported right past the bouncer, into the club, just as the last patron and most of the club employees had filed out the doors.
“Vinyl Scratch, I have something to say," said Pumpkin Cake. The DJ glanced up from her turntables, which she was just unplugging from the wall. She and Pumpkin were the only two left on the dance floor.
“Yo, what’s up?” asked Vinyl Scratch. As her name implied, she had a rather scratchy voice.
“There she is! Throw her out!”
Pumpkin turned around just as the two bouncers were galloping towards her. The earth pony bouncer grabbed Pumpkin as the pegasus stood by, but then Vinyl Scratch raised a hoof.
“Knock it off, dudes; she’s a fan. Lighten up. Jeez, I hire you guys to do security, not be fascists. What did you want to tell me, um…”
“Red Velvet,” said Pumpkin Cake, as the bouncer let her go. “And can I trust your bouncers?”
“Oh yeah, they’re cool,” said Vinyl, smiling as she removed her DJ goggles, revealing her burgundy eyes. “They’re a bit rough sometimes, but that’s only because I’ve had some creeps try to hassle me.”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” said Pumpkin Cake. “You’re in danger. The Second Kingdom police could arrest you, or worse.”
Vinyl scrunched her nose up, thinking for a second. Then, she said, “Oh, you mean for all the drugs my fans use? Yeah, we have an ‘understanding’ with the police about that. We have to pay a few bribes, but as long as it doesn’t leave the doors of this club, they’re cool about it.”
Pumpkin shook her head. “Not for drugs. For treason. Your name is on a list.”
Vinyl Scratch blinked. “Treason? Why, is it because of my raps? I mean, like, I usually keep the political lyrics on the down low. Just generic lines about ‘freedom’ and ‘liberty’ and stuff, which could apply to anything.”
Pumpkin Cake shrugged. “You’re on a list of partisans and traitors that Blueblood plans on killing. I don’t know why, just that you’re on it.”
Vinyl Scratch chuckled as she lit a cigarette. “I think you’re trippin’. I’m not in danger. And how would you even know, Red Velvet?”
Pumpkin Cake glanced at the two bouncers, who were standing about three meters away from her and Vinyl. Far away enough.
“Because, I’m not really Red Velvet,” said Pumpkin, as her horn lit up and her mane and coat color changed back to normal.
“I’m Pumpkin Cake, the fugitive. I got the list from propaganda minister Fancy Pants’ office.”
Vinyl Scratch’s jaw dropped, and the cigarette fell out. Her bouncers merely stood in place. Pumpkin didn’t quite know what reaction to expect from the DJ. Anything from fear, to revulsion, to doubt.
But she didn’t expect Vinyl Scratch to throw up her hooves, grin wildly, and shout, “Kick ass!” which was exactly what she did. Pumpkin Cake giggled at this bizarre reaction.
“Seriously, yo, that’s so awesome!” Vinyl Scratch proclaimed, getting down from the stage as she walked over and shook Pumpkin Cake’s hoof. “You and that Pound dude, right? You both single-hoofedly stopped an invasion at Appleloosa!”
Pumpkin blushed. “Well, they did still end up capturing the—”
“And then you killed Trixie! That was so cool. I mean, there was a SK coverup or whatever, but everypony knows it was you. You’re like, my hero. I’m thirty-five years old, and I still look up to you for fighting the power.”
“Well, thanks,” said Pumpkin Cake. She glanced back at the two bouncers, who stood in place. “And I’m guessing that they’re okay with me, too?”
Vinyl Scratch nodded. “I trust them more than anypony. They’ve been my bouncers since back when I played at Applewood Wubs.”
Pumpkin raised an eyebrow. “Applewood? Isn’t that in…”
“Equestria? Yeah, I left to come to the Second Kingdom.”
Pumpkin chuckled. “Why would you want to move to the Second Kingdom? I mean, besides magic-learning tourism.”
Vinyl Scratch smiled. “The Second Kingdom has its perks. It’s the best place for having raves, by far.”
"Why?”
“Copyright laws, for one. The SK doesn’t care what songs I mix at my shows, and I don’t have to pay a bunch of royalties to the original artists. In Equestria though, even the happy birthday song is copyrighted for crying out loud!”
Pumpkin thought back to a birthday dinner that she and Pound had back in Appleloosa, in which the waitresses sang a made-up song to get around that law.
“That’s not the biggest perk, though. The best thing about the Second Kingdom? One word: magic,” said Vinyl Scratch, smiling and waving her hoof through the air as she said the word. “All types of magic are allowed in the Second Kingdom, and they really lift the roof off of raves. But back in Equestria, those spells were banned because they were ‘too dangerous.’”
She put up her hooves in air quotes as she spat out the words ‘too dangerous’ like a rotten egg.
Pumpkin tilted her head sideways. “I study magic, but I’ve never heard of these rave spells.”
“They’re not, like, only used for raves; they just come in handy to enhance the rave experience, like drugs. A spell like WINI, that’s a good one, yo. Loads of fans are under that spell when they come here, so they can enjoy the rave more.”
“Whinny? Like you do when you’re excited?” asked Pumpkin Cake.
“Not whinny, but W-I-N-I. It stands for the Want-It, Need-It spell. But yeah, it does make you really excited. It’s super illegal in Equestria but totally okay in the Second Kingdom.”
Pumpkin said, "But that’s a mind control spell. Perverts use it to lure children into vans. Psychopaths use it to commit mass murder.”
Vinyl shook her head. “No, no, no. We don’t do sketch stuff like that with WINI. We only cast it on ourselves.”
“So that other ponies will want you?” asked Pumpkin, raising an eyebrow.
“You’d think so, but as long as you cast it right, that’s not what happens,” said Vinyl. “It doesn’t affect other ponies around you, but instead, it makes you yourself want everything. Well, maybe ‘want’ isn’t the right word. It makes you love everything. Everything. Like, you’ll be drinking a smoothie, and it’s the best smoothie you’ve ever had in your life. Or you’ll be rolling around in the grass, just loving how it feels on your skin, or just gazing up at the clouds, admiring the beauty. It makes you appreciate the little stuff that you usually take for granted, you know? It’s like the whole universe is giving you a hug for an hour.”
Pumpkin said, “And here I thought that it was an evil spell that only bad ponies used.”
Vinyl Scratch chuckled. “That’s what the princesses thought, too, since they banned that spell years ago just ‘cause King Sombra used it when he took over the Crystal Empire. But shouldn’t a pony be able to use it, I mean, as long as they don’t use it to control other ponies? Isn’t that our right?”
Pumpkin nodded.
Vinyl Scratch continued, “Other good spells for raves are shape-changing spells. They’re the most psychedelic spells ever. Imagine being a bumblebee, and seeing the rave lights in ultraviolet. Imagine being a bat, and hearing the rave beats in ultrasonic. It’s ultra-awesome!”
“But shape-changing spells are legal in Equestria,” said Pumpkin.
Vinyl Scratch shook her head. “Not at raves they aren’t. Too much liability. I mean, what if somepony steps on one of those bees or bats in the dark, or swats it away thinking that it’s a real critter instead of just a transformed pony? They’d die and I’d get sued for running a dangerous rave. But in the Second Kingdom, it’s all on the individual pony to stay safe.”
“Especially if you’re a pegasus or earth pony, since they’ll throw you into a stadium,” Pumpkin quipped.
Vinyl Scratch sighed. “Yeah, that’s a bad problem. And I don’t like how they treat gays, either. They want all the unicorns to ‘reproduce for the master race’ or whatever, so they shut down all the gay bars in town and arrested everypony. They shut down the abortion clinics and banned birth control, too. The Second Kingdom has its flaws, and I wish that there was even just one place on the planet that was, like, cool with everything, you know: a utopia where everything goes.”
Pumpkin nodded.
Vinyl shrugged. “But there’s no such place. What can you do, right?”
“Kick them out and fight back. That’s what I’ve been doing,” said Pumpkin Cake.
“That’s what I tried, too,” said Vinyl Scratch. “About a month ago, I went to a secret meeting for new volunteers of the Mareicopa partisans, after one of my fans told me about it. It was seven of us in a run-down warehouse. The mare who organized it asked us a bunch of questions. Like, were we willing to kill, to die, to be tortured before giving up our comrades. I said yes to it all. I mean, like, I didn’t want to do all that stuff, but I would if I had to, to kick out the fascists who were rounding up earth ponies and pegasi.”
Pumpkin nodded. “I kinda got roped into the fight, myself.”
Vinyl Scratch continued, “But then she asked us if we had any reservations about Equestria. I told her I thought they should repeal their magic laws, that the Second Kingdom was awful but that was something that they got right, you know? The mare didn’t say anything at first, but then after the meeting she took me aside and told me never to come back, that I wasn’t welcome in the partisans. I told her there must’ve been some mistake, but she just yelled at me to get out. And I never went to another meeting, but I guess from that one meeting, I got shafted.”
“That mare might have turned you in,” said Pumpkin Cake.
Vinyl Scratch sighed. “Yeah, and I couldn’t even see her, because she was invisible the whole time.”
Pumpkin said, “What a coincidence. After I got the list, I was attacked by an invisible mare. I only heard her voice.”
“Huh. How did she sound?” asked Vinyl Scratch. Her horn lit up as she spoke, and her voice changed exactly to mimic the invisible mare. “Kind of a high-pitched voice like this?”
Pumpkin blinked. “How did you do that?”
“I’m a DJ; sounds are my special talent,” said Vinyl Scratch, still sounding like the invisible mare had.
“Yes, she sounded exactly like that,” said Pumpkin Cake. “I’d never forget that voice.”
“Woah,” said Vinyl Scratch, taking a step back as her voice returned to normal. “What was she doing in there?”
Pumpkin briefly related the story of her failed assassination attempt of Fancy Pants.
“So Fancy is gettin’ frisky with a partisan leader,” said Vinyl Scratch, smirking as she exhaled smoke from her cigarette. “That means either invisi-mare isn’t a real partisan, and that whole meeting was just a sting to bust me and the others…”
Pumpkin finished Vinyl’s thought, “...Or she is a real partisan, and Fancy Pants is working with her and Equestria, making him a traitor to the Second Kingdom, just like he thought I was calling him.”
“But if invisi-mare really is a partisan leader, though, that means Equestria sold me out,” said Vinyl Scratch.
“It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done something like that,” Pumpkin scoffed. “It makes sense, though: find ponies in Copa who disagree with Equestria, have Fancy Pants name them as partisans, and have the Second Kingdom police do the dirty work for Equestria before they retake the city.”
“This is getting kooky, though,” said Vinyl Scratch, stubbing out her cigarette butt.
“Yeah, it’s just a conspiracy theory; Equestria probably had nothing to do with it,” Pumpkin admitted. “It was most likely an SK sting to arrest partisans.”
“Oh, about that,” said Vinyl Scratch. “When will they nab me? I gotta bail before then.”
Pumpkin shrugged. “No idea. The list doesn’t say. Could be next month, could be tomorrow. I’d disappear if I were you.”
Vinyl Scratch sighed. “I don’t really know where I’d stay, though. I mean, I could crash at my house, or in the back room here at Club Copa, but that’s the first place they’d look. And I don’t want to hide out in Equestria in case your conspiracy theory is really true.”
Pumpkin thought for a moment. On the list of partisans, she had expected to find experienced fighters and dissidents who had a plan of where to hide when they were in danger of being arrested. But here was Vinyl Scratch, and she had only ever been to one partisan meeting and didn’t even have a plan.
“Well…” Pumpkin started, the words cautiously venturing from her mouth. “I do have this house here in Copa… it has a few extra rooms… I guess you could stay with me for a little.”
Vinyl Scratch’s eyes widened. “Really? That’s awesome! Hey Reynaldo, Juan, pack up our things; we’re staying at Pumpkin Cake’s!”
Before Pumpkin could protest the addition of the new ponies to her offer, Vinyl Scratch had already started helping the bouncers box up amps, turntables, and other musical equipment. Pumpkin sighed silently. She had only spoken to one pony whose name was on the partisan list, and already she had three ponies who were going to be staying in her house for who knew how long.
For Pumpkin, that meant less space and less privacy. And then what would they do about food? Food was expensive in Mareicopa, so hopefully these ponies could pitch in for her grocery budget. It all seemed so daunting. But she realized that she had to have friends, and she had to have help with her mission. If this was the only way of getting friends to help her, so be it.
“One thing, though,” said Pumpkin Cake, and the ponies glanced up from their packing. “In return for staying at my house, you help me fight the Second Kingdom. I can’t do it all by myself.”
Vinyl Scratch laughed. “Oh, are you kidding? I was planning on doing that already. That’s not much of a trade.”
Pumpkin shrugged. “Something else, then.”
Vinyl smiled. “Okay. How about in return for staying at your house, I teach you a few rave spells?”
The four ponies appeared in a flash inside of the foyer of Trixie’s house, and Pumpkin collapsed on the floor, her head spinning. She had never teleported three other ponies with her before; even two other ponies was pushing it. It was exhausting, but necessary, because she couldn’t let the neighbors see ponies coming and going to Trixie’s house, since Trixie was supposed to be dead. In fact, Pumpkin was surprised that the bank hadn’t come to foreclose on the house yet. Perhaps the mortgage had been fully paid off.
“Hey, where’s all of our stuff?” Juan, the earth pony bouncer, demanded. “It should have come along with us.”
“Dude, chill. Take it easy on poor Pumpkin. She just brought all four of us here at once. One of you can sneak back to Club Copa and get our stuff later,” said Vinyl Scratch.
“The important thing is that Vinyl is here safe,” said Reynaldo, the pegasus bouncer.
After a few moments, Pumpkin got up off the floor and gave the ponies a brief tour. The bouncers could both sleep in the master bedroom, and Vinyl could crash on the couch in the living room, while Pumpkin would continue to stay in the guest bedroom. The four ponies went to the living room to discuss their plans.
“Hey, can we smoke in here?” asked Vinyl, who had already lit a cigarette anyway before she asked.
“You and those cigarettes,” Juan scoffed.
"Shut up, Juan! What, are you Blueblood or something?” asked Vinyl.
“Let’s get back on topic. Short-term plans like where to get food and weapons, how to stay under the radar while we’re hiding out at this house, and long-term plans like how to free the earth ponies and pegasi,” said Reynaldo.
Pumpkin Cake relayed what she had seen at the internment camps, including the security, and the small number of guns that she had. Both Reynaldo and Juan had fired guns before; Vinyl had not. However, they all agreed that it would take more than the four of them to liberate thousands of earth ponies and pegasi, let alone the city of Mareicopa, and Pumpkin would do well to seek out more of the partisans on Fancy Pants’ list.
She showed Vinyl the list, and Vinyl pointed out a few of the names that she knew from Club Copa as her fans and club patrons. To take some of the burden off of Pumpkin Cake, Vinyl pledged to alert these ponies herself, so long as Pumpkin made her a disguise using the color-change spell so that she could walk around the city undetected. Pumpkin agreed, eager to have some help to warn the partisans of their impending arrest. However, she put her hoof down and insisted that her house had no more room, and they would have to secure their own living arrangements. Vinyl assured Pumpkin that, not only would these ponies find their own places to stay, they would also be able to help her liberate the earth ponies and pegasi from Chupacabra Stadium.
By the time their conversation was over, it was already well past midnight, and they were all eager to go to bed. Except Vinyl, who was a night owl.
Pumpkin was about to cast the sleep spell and fall asleep, but there was a knock at her bedroom door.
“Who is it?”
“Yo, it’s me.”
“There’s a dresser blocking the door. Hold on a second.”
Pumpkin’s horn glowed as the door and dresser turned intangible.
“Now just walk through.”
Vinyl emerged into the room from the dresser, gazing back at it.
“Woah. Trippy,” she said, placing her hoof on the dresser, now solid once more.
“What do you need?” asked Pumpkin.
Vinyl glanced over towards Pumpkin and smiled. “Oh, well didn’t you want to learn some of those rave spells?”
Pumpkin raised an eyebrow. “Now? At two in the morning?”
“Well, yeah, why not?” asked Vinyl, shrugging.
Pumpkin sighed. She normally went to bed at promptly eleven o’clock every evening. But with her new housemate, her schedule would probably be out of whack. Particularly a new housemate like Vinyl who didn’t seem to take “no” for an answer. Though then again, it wasn’t every day—or night—that she got to learn forbidden magic. Perhaps she could make an exception.
“Okay, teach me.”
Vinyl nodded and then proceeded to give Pumpkin Cake instructions on how to cast the want-it, need-it spell. She wasn’t the best teacher, but Pumpkin was a fast learner, and in between about two dozen “likes” and “ums” and “you knows,” she gathered the basic gist of it.
Apparently, just like teleportation, the want-it, need-it spell was easiest to cast on oneself and harder to cast on another pony, getting harder as more were added. Only the highest level unicorns could use it for mass mind control like the infamous incident with Twilight Sparkle’s enchanted doll in Ponyville. When Pumpkin was a filly, Mr. and Mrs. Cake had noticed her magical aptitude, so told her the Smarty Pants doll story as a cautionary parable against experimenting with magic without understanding it.
Had Twilight been any other pony but Celestia’s own student, she would have ended up in prison for years for violating the magic control laws and free will of dozens of ponies. It was yet another reason that Pumpkin disliked Twilight. Not only was she willing to mess with other ponies’ heads just so she wouldn’t be tardy, but then she was somehow above the law and was never punished! It was the height of hypocrisy and weakness of character. Why Princess Celestia had made such a mentally-unstable pony a princess, Pumpkin would never know. No wonder Canterlot had rebelled after Celestia’s death, she thought.
Vinyl Scratch concluded her instruction. “...and then you’re under the spell. Enjoy.”
Pumpkin smiled. “Thanks for the lesson. I’ll have to try it.”
Just as Vinyl had instructed, Pumpkin closed her eyes and let the magic flow through her, coursing through her horn as it glowed.
At first, nothing happened. Pumpkin was confused. Why didn’t it work? Perhaps she had misunderstood Vinyl’s instructions, or they were lacking to begin with. Or, perhaps Pumpkin wasn’t skilled enough in magic. She sat down on the bed and sighed.
Suddenly, a great weight was lifted off of her. It was as though for her entire life, she had been strung up by wires, but now all the tension was gone. She hadn’t even consciously realized she had been carrying this angst until it melted away. It was an amazing feeling, and made her smile.
The smiling made her incredibly happy, to a degree that she hadn’t been since she was young. The childlike glee seemed alien at first, like she was flipping through somepony else’s photo album, or playing with somepony else’s toys. For a brief moment, she almost shirked away, but then she giggled as she realized that she would be a fool to fight it.
Full of energy at the conviction, Pumpkin laughed at the time on the clock. Who cared how late it was? In a moment, she disappeared from her room, reappearing in the desert outside of town in a flash of light. The warm night air felt delicious on her skin, cloaking her in its embrace like a furry blanket. Mareicopa had always seemed like an oven before, but not under the want-it need it spell. She lay down on her back in the desert sand, soft and accommodating.
The stars were scattered across the heavens like the sand on the ground below. The sky was a grand tapestry of billions of stars creating light which traveled billions of lightyears, striking her retinas, sending electrical signals to her brain, where the billions of neurons in her visual cortex worked in concert to compile an image. The deceivingly simple act of looking up at the stars required countless interrelated moving parts to work exactly, yet they all did. It left Pumpkin entirely awestruck.
Though she’d never appreciated these principles in an enchanted way before, she knew of them since Doctor Stekton had given her some advanced science textbooks to read alongside Trixie’s dime novels. Back in those crushingly tedious and lonely months, it had been one of the few ways to pass the time.
Stekton. Trixie. Fancy Pants. Blueblood. Invisi-mare. Twilight Sparkle. Pumpkin didn’t want to think about them at first. When the spell wore off in an hour or so, she would surely go back to hating them with the same passion as before, like Vinyl Scratch had said she would. Nothing lasted forever, and all good things had to come to an end, including the want-it, need-it spell. But in that moment, she couldn’t help but see all those ponies as yet more cogs in the vast, complex blueprint of the universe. Why should she feel anger towards them? Was anger not merely another prison, but one of her own creation? Why waste the effort on resentment when she could break the chains of rage and finally be happy?
It was true; even in her spellbound trance, Pumpkin would bring her parents back in an instant if she could, and reverse all the tortures she had suffered. But she had made the best of her situation, she realized. Being an orphan in wartime had forced her into becoming a mature, self-reliant pony for her age and developing superior magical abilities beyond most unicorns. Her magic and maturity were both admirable fruits that might never have grown if not for the fertile soil of war. So how could Pumpkin hate ponies like Trixie, Blueblood, or Stekton for their actions, which had contributed so much to the best of who she was? While she was under the spell at least, she couldn’t bring herself to it.
Tears streamed down her face as she sat in the sand and she saw the perfection of this moment, the beauty of it. This moment in time could never be taken from her. It had been written in the stars since time began. She understood what her brother had tried to tell her at that cafe in Stirrup: the present truly was just that. Many times before, Pumpkin had turned intangible and had bullets, fire, and explosions pass harmlessly through her. But it was only just now, as she gazed up at the stars, that she felt it.
For the first time in her life, she felt truly invincible.
About an hour later, as the spell was wearing off and her mind was returning to normal, she walked back to Trixie’s house in Mareicopa, too magically depleted to teleport back. She used the last of her energy to enter her bedroom, where she crawled into bed. She fell asleep naturally in a few minutes, with only a single question in the back of her mind.
How could the Princesses have banned such a wonderful spell? Sure it could be abused, but that was no justification. How could Pumpkin bring Mareicopa back under Equestrian law, knowing that casting a spell so freeing and so exhilarating could land her in jail?
Hopefully Pound Cake would address the issue of magic law repeal in his reformation of Equestria, though he seemed to be more focused on starving the Second Kingdom and stopping corruption, so magic law might not have been a priority. As soon as Pumpkin wasn’t preoccupied with getting to warn the partisans first before they could be arrested, she would have a talk with Pound to ensure magic law repeal was on the agenda.
It would be non-negotiable.