MLP: FiM
That’s Not Quite How It Works…
By: Calm Wind
Chapter 3:
“I still think this is a bad idea…” Cadance sighed as she and Shining Armor sat back down at their table, both of them watching as Twilight returned to the ‘date’ table. Shining sighed.
“I know, I know… Flash Sentry was probably a bad choice… but he was the first to reply, so I gave him a shot,” Shining admitted. “The others will be better.”
Cadance looked at Shining carefully. He had clearly put thought and effort into this, but she still didn’t feel like it was right. She was doing her best to hold herself back and play along. Twilight was clearly uncomfortable, but Shining wanted to help his little sister. In a way, this would help, but it wouldn’t solve the puzzle they were truly facing. Something Cadance, as the princess of love, wanted to see if they would realize as this went on. She couldn’t always step in to fix a love problem.
“So who is next?” Cadance asked.
“Old friend of mine, Pokey Pierce,” he answered. Cadance blinked as her brain processed the name.
“Why does that name worry me?”
“Pokey Pierce?” Twilight repeated his name back to him as he sat down across from her. The dark blue, silver mane stallion sat across form her. She felt a little more at ease because it was somepony she had seen before, but she had never actually met him.
“That’s me, M’lady,” he answered with a smile and bowed his head. Twilight cringed subtly as he said it. ‘m’lady’. That wasn’t a good start. She was hoping to avoid any stallions that saw her as a princess before they saw her as Twilight Sparkle.
“N-nice to meet you,” Twilight said nervously with a smile. She had already completely recorded the tips Cadance gave her in her head.
Smile.
Make eye contact.
Small talk is fine, just don’t rely on it.
Try making conversation, but don’t force it.
Worry less about what he thinks about you and worry more about having fun.
It took Twilight seconds to memorize them, but they were clearly easier said than done, especially with her lack of experience. Still, she felt a little more secure now that she at least had some guidelines to follow.
“So… what do you do for a living?” Twilight asked, trying to hide the fact that she was shivering a little.
“Oh, I’m actually unemployed at the moment,” Pierce replied while suddenly glancing back and forth nervously. Twilight took note of that. His confidence waivered severely for all but a moment… she didn’t like that it made it seem like he was hiding something… or maybe she was just thinking too hard? She did that a lot.
“Oh… I see…” Twilight awkwardly acknowledged him as a waitress came out with their hayburgers. “Thank you,” Twilight nodded as the waitress set their burger baskets down. At least they got that far. Flash Sentry didn’t last long enough to order food. “But you’ve been working, right? I’ve seen you around town… what happened with your last job?” Twilight said, instantly mentally smacking herself. That was a little too personal, but she didn’t expect to be perfect immediately. This was practice… and Pierce seemed like an okay guy so far.
“I…” Pierce’s eyes had locked on his burger. Twilight looked at him curiously. “I can’t…” he gritted his teeth and glared sinisterly at the burger. “CAN’T CONTROL… THE URGE!!!!”
Twilight shrieked in surprise as Pierce thrust his head down, slamming it into the burger basket. Fries flew everywhere and ketchup splattered all over the table. Twilight pushed back from the table and stood up, alarmed.
“Uh… shoot…” Pierce picked his head up. The burger was impaled on his horn, sliding down and resting against his head as he sat upright. “I did it again…” he sighed as the ketchup oozed out of the stabbed burger and dripped down his face. “Oh, right… I was let go from my job at Donut Joe’s because…” his eyes suddenly locked on Twilight’s burger across the table.
“Oh god…” Twilight backed away as the sinister look in his eyes returned.
“MUST… POKE…” Pierce stood up and dove across the table, slamming his head down into Twilight’s burger basket as well. Twilight yelped and ducked to avoid the incoming rain of fries and ketchup, looking up to see Pierce slowly remove his head from her basket, with two burgers on his horn now. “Eh… I have a bad habit of wanting to… spear things with my horn…”
“Yeah, sorry, gotta run!” Twilight quickly turned and escaped.
Over at the other table, Cadance glanced at Shining.
“Shiny… really?” she sighed. Shining shook his head.
“I was sure he’d be over that bad habit by now… guess not…”
Despite another weird experience… Twilight remained vigilant and continued the dates.
“The name’s Full Steam…” said the large, brown earth pony, wearing an engineer’s cap. Twilight was staring wide eyed up at him as he almost cast a shadow over her. He was almost as big as Big Macintosh! Very imposing and muscular as well. An intimidating sight. Twilight flinched when she realized he was waiting for her to respond.
“Oh! Eheh… yes, you pull a train right? The express from Ponyville to Appleloosa?”
Twilight squeaked as his eyes widened and he glared down at her.
“Pull the train?!” he stood up. “PULL THE TRAIN?!” he pounded his chest. “I AM THE TRAIN!” he pulled out a wooden train whistle and blew it three times before turning and sprinting out of the diner yard, making chugging noises.
Twilight just stared as he ran off.
“What?”
“Oh, hi Caramel!” Twilight said cheerfully as Caramel sat down across from her. Somepony she had spoken to once before. Maybe that would make it a little easier.
“Hi, Twilight…” he said, trailing off, but in a way that seemed natural and not induced by anything.
“I didn’t know you knew my brother,” she said curiously. Caramel looked up and blinked.
“Oh, I don’t… he asked me about this in town yesterday,” he said casually.
“He what?” Twilight blinked. She thought Shining was bringing her guys he knew personally. He just picked Caramel out at random?! Twilight glanced over at the table with Shining and Cadance. Shining was hiding behind a menu and Cadance had slapped a hoof over her face. “I see…” Twilight huffed quietly before turning back.
“But hey! I get t’do a blind date with a princess, hooo-wee! I couldn’t pass up that chance!” he said, the country twang in his accent reminding Twilight of Applejack. He also seemed eager to have a chance. She had no idea what his motives were yet, but his first impression was nice.
“Well, how are—” she started but he suddenly cut her off.
“Oh, by the way… I, uh… lost my bits on the way here, but I’m mighty hungry! You’re a rich’n’pretty princess though, you could buy for me… right?” he said with another smile…that Twilight suddenly found very, very fake.
“Uh…” Twilight stood up, disgusted. “No,” she turned and walked away. It was one thing for her to be nervous, but… the way he so quickly assumed something princessy about her completely ruined the moment.
“Aw, dang… almost got a free burger.”
“A-a-aren’t you… Neon Lights?!” Twilight gasped as the celebrity sat down across from her.
“That’s me! And you’re the lady of friendship!” The turquois pony with a spiked up mane and sunglasses leaned against the table very suavely.
“Wow! Um… what a surprise! Uh… you know my brother?” she felt the need to ask. She was nervous and caught off guard, but after Caramel’s little confession, she felt better if her brother actually knew who he was sending to her. Hopefully caramel was the only random one.
“I’ve met him a few times,” Neon chuckled. “Being a music celebrity lands you royal company at times. It definitely has its perks.”
“Huh, he never told me…” Twilight nodded. She hid the fact that Neon’s voice had a somewhat… uncomfortably smug tone to it. He was a celebrity though, a well-known one at that, almost as famous as Vinyl Scratch in the music industry. His confidence was believable.
“To be honest though, it isn’t often I get to spend some time with a princess…” he said while tipping his sunglasses down so she could see his eyes.
“Um… I see…” Twilight wasn’t sure what to say. She was being controlled by two things, his presence, and his confidence… put together, they were making her feel a little uncomfortable.
“Though I have to admit… this is definitely the last place I thought I’d have a lunch date with a princess,” he joked looking at the diner.
“Haha… yeah…” Twilight was stuck. She felt like any other mare would have laughed at that, but he was just so in control… Twilight didn’t like not being in control, at least of her herself. He was completely dominating her without doing much at all!
“AH! It’s Neon Lights!” a mare suddenly called out from another table.
“Huh?” Twilight blinked and looked around as multiple mares started screaming and running towards their table.
Twilight yelped and quickly backed away from the table as it got swarmed. She watched as Neon barely flinched… letting the mares approach and instantly signing autographs and taking pictures with them. Twilight remained still and stared at him. For the next few minutes, he didn’t pay attention to her at all.
“Yeah… that’s all I need to know,” Twilight sighed and left the table behind. Suave, but self-centered… definitely not her type.
“Wait… Lightning Streak of the Wonderbolts?!” Twilight recognized the light blue pony with the messy yellow mane sitting before her. He was wearing his Wonderbolt flight suit and everything.
“You got that right princess babe,” he said as he casually slumped in his chair. “Saw you were takin’ dates, wanna skip to the fun part?”
“The… WHAT?!” Twilight blushed.
“BROTHER!” a cream colored stallion with a blown back, orange and red mane fell right out of the sky and slammed to the ground beside them. From his flight suit and the fact that his features were identical to Lightning’s, Twilight identified him as Fire Streak. Fire stepped forward and yanked Lightning out of the seat.
“Whoa, bro! Chill, I’m trying to score here…”
“You will do, NO SUCH THING, to Princess Twilight. Now let’s go! We have to be back at the compound in an hour!” he belted in his brothers face.
“Yeesh, why you always gotta be a stiff-ass?” Lightning asked casually as he used a wing feather to clean out his ear.
“Because you’re an ignoramus!” Fire retorted before turning to Twilight and giving her a graceful, proper bow. “I must apologize for my unruly twin brother m’lady. We’ll be on our way,” he said as he spread his wings and pulled Lightning along.
As they rose up, Lightning looked back towards Twilight and put his hoof up by his ear.
“Call me, babe!” he yelled as Fire smacked him upside the head.
Twilight blinked, not sure what had just happened…
But one thing was for sure.
She had had enough.
“Rggghhhhhhuggghhh!!!!” she groaned as she smacked her head against the table. She stood up, turned right towards the path, and started walking away from the restaurant.
“Shoot…” Shining stood up from his table and started after her. Initially, Cadance thought to stop him, but after a moment of thought, she felt it better to remain silent and simply follow.
“Twily!” Shining ran up behind his sister as she kept walking down the path. Twilight didn’t look at him, she simply kept walking with her head down, her mane hanging past her face, blocking it from view. “Twily… hold on…” Shining matched her pace beside her and tried to reach out to stop her. He flinched as she swung her arm to throw his hoof off of her.
“No!” she said with a shaky, defeated tone.
“Twily, I’m sorry those didn’t work out so well, but…”
“I said no!” she stopped, turned, and glared at him. “It didn’t work! And it didn’t help that you started throwing random stallions at me!” she yelled with tears forming in her eyes.
“I just wanted to help y—”
“Well, you sure did a good job!” Twilight snapped at him. “In fact, I think you made it worse! Let’s face it, I’m not cut out to love OR be loved! After all, I’m just the stupid princess of friendship!”
“No! I—” he tried to step towards her.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she wailed before shoving Shining away from her and breaking into a sprint.
“Twily, wait!” Shining tried running after her. “OW!” but something yanked him by the tail, stopping him in his tracks. He looked back to see Cadance's magic surrounding his tail, keeping him from pursuing his little sister. “Cadance, let me go after her!” he demanded in a desperate tone that almost sounded like begging. Cadance shook her head.
“Let her go, Shiny,” she said sternly. “I think it’s safe to say your idea didn’t work. I admire your willingness to help her, but it’s not the right way,” she said as she let go of him and stepped up beside him.
“Didn’t work? Well, yeah they didn’t work, but I know others, I could get in contact with them and…” he trailed off and paused as Cadance gave him a flat look. “What? I just wanted to give her options… give her lots to choose from. Was that so wrong?” Shining sighed as he sat down and hung his head. Cadance could see how dejected he was.
He was only trying to help. It wasn’t the best idea, but Shining thought it would help. Cadance knew that Shining was well aware of the words she was about to say to him, but they were very relevant and he had to think from Twilight’s point of view as well.
“Honey… That’s not quite how it works. You know as well as I do that love is not something you can reach for. Those who constantly try to look for it may end up never finding it. More often than not, love finds you. I think you and I, more than anypony should be aware of that… my prince,” she said while giving him a light nuzzle on the cheek.
“I know…” he sighed. “That’s what I was hoping to do, but maybe I was being a bit too eager?”
“Maybe a little,” Cadance stuck her tongue out at him. “And by a little, I mean quite a bit.”
“I wanted to help love find her, but a fat load of good it ended up doing…” Shining groaned in frustration. “I need to go apologize,” he added as he stood up. Cadance smiled and stood up with him.
“That’s a good place to start,” she agreed as they started walking. She noticed Shining was still sulking to himself a little. “Oh, stop that Shiny, it wasn’t the best idea, but your heart was in the right place.”
“Yeah,” a small smirk formed on his lips. “It’s right on your flank—OW!” he yelped as Cadance poked him in the side.
---To Be Continued---