//------------------------------// // Seventh Chapter - The Party Gets Wild! // Story: Crime and Funishment // by Aragon //------------------------------// Stairs. What a wonderful invention, stairs. Truly one of the highest peaks of pony civilization. Earth ponies and unicorns alike cried tears of joy when it was finally made clear that those without wings would be able to conquer the unmeasurable heights of the heavens, too. The day Stair Maker invented the first set of stairs, fulfilling her destiny—and showing to the world once more that parents have a really eerie way of naming their children just right—was a day of unity, of friendship, of harmony. A day of stairs. Everypony could go up now. Yes, what a wonderful invention, stairs. Almost perfect. They just had a tiiiiny flaw. Very tiny. Almost nonexistent. A small trifle, really. “They are freakingly, stupidly, obscenely exhausting, dear Celestia so help me I think my lungs are going to EXPLODE!” “Ah?” Rainbow Dash turned around, her wings flapping lazily, and shot Rarity a look. “What did you say? I didn’t catch it.” Rarity would have answered in a more polite way if the circumstances had been different, really. Like, she would have repeated what she’d said, probably. Or maybe she’d just mutter a dignified “doesn’t matter”. Perhaps with a polite smile or a ladylike chuckle, if only because she enjoyed ladylike chuckles. They were very, well. Very ladylike. That was the whole point. But instead, she just glared at Rainbow Dash and, tongue out, muttered something that sounded like “Grrrghabbballlgaaaaaaaaaaah,” and then her eyes went white for a second or two. Eh. Close enough. She was pretty enough to make that ladylike, somehow. “Worst thing is: knowing Rarity’s face as well as I know it, I’m completely sure you’re right,” Money Bags said, resting his head in one hoof and awkwardly staring into space with a goofy grin. “Tongue out? That has to be the sexiest face ever.” Silence. Twilight wrinkled her muzzle. “Yuck.” “Wow, that has to be the ugliest, most disgusting face I’d ever seen!” Dash screamed, looking away and covering her eyes with her hooves. “Dear Celestia, it’s like gazing into the abyss! You already looked like custard before, but now?! That’s a face not even a mother would love, and I know for a fact your mother adores horrible things like stallions who think sticking your tongue out is somewhat sexy!” Rarity would have replied to this, but she was too busy looking like the ugly sister of a bunch of rotten tomatoes. “You do realize you’re insulting your friend big time just to tell me I’m not cool, right?” Twilight raised her snout to the sky and looked away from Money Bags, eyes closed in a dignified way, which more or less meant she closed her eyes really hard but tried to look nonchalant about it. “The end justifies the means sometimes. I know Rarity would forgive me if she knew.” “Sure she would.” Money Bags rolled his eyes and got up from his chair, stretching his wings. “Hnng. Boy, it feels like I’ve been sitting forever.” He looked at the watermelonian guys. “You’re not getting tired, are you?” “YEAH!” “Never change, you guys. At some point I need to talk about literature with you.” Cracking his neck, he started walking circles around Twilight, looking forward instead of fixing his eyes on the princess. “You know, Princess, I would really like to finish this without you changing minor details here and there so you can lay a hit on me every chance you get.” “I’m just telling it how it was,” Twilight said, still looking away and being all dignified. She could hear Money Bags’ voice circling around her, and her ears followed the sound. Literally. It’s very convenient to be able to move your ears in situations like that one. “The mere idea of me lying about this story is a great offense, Money Bags.” “So your friend just randomly dropped that line about Rarity’s parents?” Money Bags asked. Twilight had her eyes closed, so she couldn’t see his expression, but she was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes again, if only because he had been doing that for like three hours by then. “Just like that? No reason whatsoever?” “You clearly don’t know Rainbow Dash.” “Yes, that was already established,” Money Bags said. “Look, if you want to insult me, just insult me directly and continue with the story. It’ll be more efficient.” Silence. Twilight opened her eyes, and her ears went back to their normal, upwards position. Money Bags was behind her at that moment, so she twitched and turned around as best as she could and looked at him with a neutral expression. “You disgust me,” she said. Money Bags didn’t look back at her; he just continued walking. “Uh-huh.” “You’re the worst pony I know. And I know some very nasty ponies.” A pause. “Well, okay, maybe you’re not the worst, but that’s just because you haven’t tried to commit world-order genocide. Yet.” She squinted. “I’ve got my eyes on you.” “Uh-huh.” “And, overall, I believe you’re as despicable as can be. You’re not only a megalomaniac, you’re a stupid megalomaniac,” Twilight followed Money Bags with her eyes, her face perfectly neutral and her voice businesslike: cold and indifferent, “And before I met you I thought there was no real difference between the two, but dear Celestia there sure is, and it’s exactly as bad as it sounds.” Money Bags nodded. “Are you done?” “Also, at the same time, you’re pretty pathetic. And if I were a little less polite, I would say something nasty about your looks, but luckily for you, I’m classier than that.” Her neutral expression disappeared as fast as a pyrophobic on Bow Burnin’ Day, and she beamed at Money Bags. “There! Done! Phew.” She laughed. “That was relieving! I need to do that more often.” Money Bags stopped and looked at Twilight. “You need to insult your interlocutors more often?” “Of course not! What kind of pony do you think I am?!” Twilight looked at Money Bags from over her shoulder, and if she could have moved her legs, she would have pressed a hoof against her chest in disbelief and indignation. So, like, really hard, but acting natural. “I never insult anypony! My parents raised me better than that! I was talking about insulting you.” “Wow. That’s kind of a pretty big contradiction, right there.” Money Bags sighed, then went back to his chair, although he sat in a different way than before. “Anyway, now that you’ve told me everything you always wanted to say, can you please continue with the story?” He raised both his eyebrows this time. “Without random outbursts attacking my character, if possible?” “But of course.” One of the good things about having professional applebucking as one’s main job is that the set of abilities it provides have endless applications in real life. For example, it taught Applejack one of the greatest truths in the universe—if something troubles you, you can just kick it, pick up whatever’s left, and eat it. Incredibly useful when it came to paying taxes, dealing with apple thieves, or explaining where babies come from to your little sister. Of course, applebucking wasn’t only philosophical. It also gave Applejack quite the experience when it came to physical things. So, when she got suddenly surrounded by green flames when she was running, she didn’t panic. Why, being randomly surrounded by flames is pretty normal when one’s a farmer—not everypony knows apples are extremely flammable under the right circumstances. The scroll in front of her? Hardly a surprise! Those things happen constantly. Applejack remained relaxed and focused all the time. Falling to the floor and then rolling like a cart wheel in a bowling alley? Pfft. That was an applebucking thing too. There were some really tough apple trees out there. Hitting the wall, scroll still on her face, and ending up looking like an idiot? If you hadn’t been in that situation at least twice before, you weren’t a real applebucker. So, all in all? It wasn’t that big of a deal, really. Sure, she couldn’t really breathe, and her head was hurting like mad, but AJ knew they were in a fragile situation, and thus she had to remain calm and collected. “GOSH DARN IT TO HECK CELESTIA ON A BIKE MY HEAD HURTS SO MUCH!” she calmly screamed, acting like the rational adult she was. Of course, the scroll was still attached to her face, so her words came out muffled, but it was the thought that mattered so she didn’t really care about it. “PONYFEATHERS AND CRABAPPLES IN A BASKET, AH KNEW AH SHOULD HAVE NEVER COME HERE! AH HATE THIS WALL! AH HATE THIS CASINO! AH HATE EVERYTHIN’ RELATED TO THIS PLACE AND THE HORRIBLE PONIES IN IT!” she elegantly squalled, her voice a sound reminiscent of a seagull playing the bagpipe. Then she noticed she was surrounded by nobleponies, and they were shooting judgmental glares at her. She could tell by the way they wiggled their eyebrows in a menacing way. “Excuse me?” one mare asked, her eyebrows wiggling so hard they were almost vibrating. “Do you mind repeating that, darling?” Silence. “Ahem.” AJ straightened her back, stopped frowning, and covered her mouth with a hoof. “Ah mean, hon hon hon baguette Pony Eiffel Tower.” She smiled and batted her eyelashes, Rarity-style. “Sorry. Ah have problems with this magnifique language of yours.” The effect was immediate. The menacing wiggle tuned into a friendly wiggle—way different, although it still made everypony look like they had hairy caterpillars on their faces—and the nobleponies nodded and walked away, some of them muttering words like “Pfrench” and “such class”. But one noblemare didn’t walk away. Instead, she approached Applejack, shot her a warm smile and patted her on the hoof. “Oh, don’t worry, dear,” she said. “I know Equestrian can be rather difficult. Are you okay?” “Pomme de terre,” replied Applejack, shaking her head and looking around, still grasping the scroll with her other hoof. She had ended up at the other side of the casino, right next to the start of the gambling section—she could still see the restaurant from there. Twilight was slamming her head against the table for some reason, and some nobleponies were imitating her, in what Applejack was absolutely sure would be a great story to tell with some cider and a bonfire. No sign of Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, or the guards, though, which made her frown again. “Or, uh, whatever word you use to say ‘okay’ in Pfrench.” The mare blinked. “Uh… I believe that’d be ‘okay’, perhaps?” “Sure.” Applejack frowned. “What you said.” “Um, are you sure you’re Pfrench? You sound like one, but…” “Ah’m not one to care about language, sugarcube,” Applejack said, smiling at her. “Now, if you excuse me, Ah think Ah need to…” The mare muttered an “oh, of course”, and let Applejack take a better look at their surroundings. The gambling section was that huge part of the casino full of empty backgammon tables, roulettes, slot machines, and overall a thousand ways to lose all your money. It was flooded with nobleponies talking and playing and losing both their bits and their dignity, and that meant it was too big and crowded to see if Pinkie or Fluttershy was in there. Applejack groaned. Twilight was still bashing her head against the table at the restaurant, and she could see Money Bags wasn’t there yet. Maybe going back with her was the best thing to do at the moment? She took a peek at the scroll that had caused her to end up with a slammed nose. It read “MONEY BAGS KNOWS ABOUT THE GUARDS AND THE KITCHEN”, and then there was a sad Spike face drawn underneath. AJ frowned even more. Okay, if Money Bags knew about the guards, then the plan had gone completely down the drain. She couldn’t go back to the table to distract Money Bags, then—the more ponies out there trying to set things right, the better. Plus, listening to Money Bags was the most boring thing Applejack had done in her entire life. Rarity and Dash were still not sending any messages, so better to forget about them for now. That meant it was better to take care of Pinkie and Fluttershy, then. Which, to be honest, was what she had been doing already, but now she had rationalized the entire thing, so now it was a clever decision instead of a stupid and reckless one. “So, that’s a relief, Ah guess,” she muttered. The noblemare by her side looked at her with curiosity, but AJ ignored her. She had last seen Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy running towards the gambling section, yes, but that meant nothing. The shop was also in that direction, and if they had turned right at that point over there they might have ended up at the bar. So, more or less, they could be absolutely anywhere. Well. That was reassuring. “Uh, can Ah ask you a question, pouliche?” The noblemare cocked her head to the right. “Yes?” “Did you see, by any chance, two mares runnin’ from a bunch of guards a couple minutes ago?” Applejack asked. “Screamin’ their lungs out, makin’ a lot of noise… They weren’t exactly hard to miss.” “You mean the ones you were chasing?” “Yeah. It’s a Pfrench thing.” “I figured.” The noblemare nodded and pointed at their left. “They ran right into the gambling section, and the guards followed, although some of them went in other directions.” “Hm.” Applejack looked at the gambling section again. Yeah, now that she knew what to look for, she could see guards here and there. They were patrolling the outside of the gambling section, which probably meant they had no idea where the heck Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were. So, she just had to find them first, and then they’d sort something out together. Easy-peasy. Competing against, what? Twenty guards? Thirty? Yeah, absolutely hopeless. Applejack sighed. She definitely needed some help, but Twilight had to distract Money Bags, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were gone, and she couldn't use her dragonfire in front of this noblemare. Which meant she didn’t really have many options left… “Ma’am?” the noblemare poked her on the side. “Are you okay? You look kind of worried. Is that also a Pfrench thing?” Applejack blinked. A noblepony worrying for somepony else? That was new. She gave her companion a better look. The noblemare was younger than her—she still had a glimmer of hope and happiness in her eyes, which meant that she hadn’t really lived as a noble for very long—and wore a simple white dress that went along with her soft pink color. Her mane was short and spunky, and it reminded Applejack of Babs Seed. She definitely looked like a good pony, which was kind of weird among nobleponies, but not unheard of. The Oranges were good at heart if one could ignore all the snobbism. And Rarity had talked wonders about that Fancy Pants fellow. But was it wise to trust a pony she’d never met before just because she happened to be young and still not soiled by the nobleponies? Applejack couldn’t be sure. If there was some kind of clue, some kind of way to judge her character… “Say,” Applejack said, “what do you think ‘bout the apple fritters in here? Did you try them?” “Oh, of course I did!” the mare said, smiling. “I don’t really like apples, but the ones in this place are amazing! The best I’ve ever had!” Silence. Applejack squinted. “Goodbye.” And then she turned away and ran straight into the gambling section while screaming at the top of her lungs. Many things could be said about Twilight’s friends. They were reliable. They were cool-headed. They were intelligent. And above it all, they were extremely mature. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” Therefore, it’s important to understand that, even though to the untrained eye it looked like Fluttershy was just freaking out big time and wasting precious time, chances were that she was probably following some kind of extremely complicated and intelligent plan that would have solved everything in no time. “—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” True, the guards were right next to her. True, they were probably going to find her in about seven seconds, which meant she would be in deep trouble and the plan would surely fail—it wasn’t exactly hard to force Fluttershy to talk, after all—and everypony would be thrown into jail. True, she was still not moving. Like, at all. She’d been freaking out in that very same spot for seven minutes already, and she was still not moving. But, rather obviously, it was all part of the plan. “—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” Aaaaaall part of the plan indeed. “—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” She was going to do something any minute now, truly. “—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” “Uh…” A hoof touched Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Miss Summer Breath? Is that you?” “—aaAAAAAH!” Yes, rather sadly, Fluttershy got interrupted in the middle of her probably incredibly intelligent plan, which she promptly forgot and would deny ever existed. She did something that’s going to be described as a jump for the lack of a better word—it was something like a mix between a jump and the seizures caused by suffering a heart attack and sneezing at the same time, but that’s hard to describe—and turned around, hollering like a banshee on a bad hair day. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” And of course, it’s not like she stopped shrieking once she saw what was in front of her. My, that would be unthinkable. Fluttershy’s mother had always said that, if one is doing something, one should do it right. Shy had never let something as minor as a pesky lack of actual danger to get in the way of a freakout. She took her panic attacks seriously, thank you very much. So she turned around and discovered that, yes, the one who had asked for her attention wasn’t a guard. But she went on with her hollering anyway. Because, for Fluttershy, “predictable” is not an insult—it’s exactly the opposite. “You know, I get the feeling you’re being unnecessarily mean to your friend here,” Money Bags said. Twilight faced him with a completely serious expression. Her mouth was a perfectly straight line. The horizon had nothing on that absolutely flat mouth. “And you find that funny?” she said, her tone akin to that of an eighty-year-old teacher. “Wha—of course not!” Money Bags raised a hoof against his chest. “That remark offends me greatly!” “You adore it when friends fight, don’t you?” “No! Yes. Maybe.” A pause. Then he smiled. “Oh, who am I kidding—I love that stuff! Reaffirms my beliefs that friends don’t exist and kindness is but a myth. Take that, Mom, I was right all along! Roll in your grave!” Silence. Twilight sighed. “Oh, for goodness sake—I was completely ostracized all my childhood and yet I am the normal one. I can’t deal with this.” “I also like when other ponies are miserable,” Money Bags added, nodding to himself. “Keeps the blood pumping.” He looked at Twilight with a faint smile. “What, you’re going to tell me that makes me a bad pony?” “No. Being a horrible, immoral, unashamed megalomaniac makes you a bad pony.” Twilight licked her lips. “Being a sociopath doesn’t really help, but it’s hardly the biggest issue at hand.” “Well, that's a relief.” He waved a hoof. “You were still insulting your friend, though. Kind of.” Twilight groaned and looked to the side. “I really like Fluttershy, and she’s an amazing friend, but…” She sighed. “She wasn’t exactly useful at any point, and I’m afraid we should have left her at home from the beginning.” “Hah!” Money Bags slammed the table, his grin even bigger than Pinkie Pie’s usual smile. “I knew it! So much for friendship, then!” He crossed his arms and nodded, looking like a kid who just got a lifetime supply of candy. “At least one of your friends is useless, hmm? Well, that’s good to know. That’s good to know…” A shame Money Bags was still nodding and looking absolutely full of himself, really. Had he not been busy looking exactly like one would imagine a banker looks during his free time, he might have noticed Twilight wasn’t looking at him with a frown, or with her ears down, or with a pout, or with any kind of face that would make sense in a situation where one admits defeat. In fact, she was kind of smiling. Or maybe it wasn’t much of a smile as it was a smirk. It was way more pronounced on the right side, after all. “Yes,” she muttered, feeling like she wasn’t being obvious enough—after all, Money Bags was an economist; he understood subtlety as much as a ladybug understood fire safety measures. She also nodded in this kind of ominously slow way that makes one’s eyes look sharper than usual. “You go and believe that. Believe Fluttershy is useless and of no importance whatsoever.” “Yeah!” Money Bags said. “I’ll do that! I’m absolutely sure it won’t come up later to bite my arse!” “Eeexactly. Now I’ll continue with the story.” “Of course! I love it when we share this kind of insignificant information that doesn’t matter at all.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Fluttershy was still screaming, making sure that if any guard was near her, said guard could surely locate her in less than thirty seconds. Then she blinked and took a look at what had touched her. In front of Fluttershy, pale as a pony who just got screamed at by a banshee on a bad hair day, was a gray stallion she had seen before. A pony with a moustache who still managed to look and sound exactly like a… “…Schoolfilly stallion?” Fluttershy finally asked, her voice back to normal. Then she blinked. “Schoolfilly stallion!” Silence. “Uh-huh. Yes. I think everything will be easier for the both of us if I ignore that. Ahem!” He shook his head and pointed at the oversized bag of gold Fluttershy was holding. “Nice to meet you again, Miss Summer Breath! I see you’re still doing well! Nice chapeau, by the way,” he added, looking at the top hat Fluttershy was wearing. “Very dapper. I barely recognized you with it.” “Schoolfilly stallion!” Fluttershy repeated, because when one’s cute it’s kind of hard to get the whole ‘insulting others’ thing, “Y-you need to help me!” “Uh?” He blinked. “I need to hide!” Fluttershy gulped, bit her lip, and looked to the ground. Small tears appeared in the corner of her eyes. “The guards are looking for me, and—” “Wait. The guards?” The schoolfilly stallion frowned and took a step back. “Why?” “Uh…” Fluttershy scratched her cheek. “Um. Miscellaneous reasons?” Silence. “Truly the most innocent of reasons!” the schoolfilly stallion said, nodding and taking a step forward again. “I’ll do whatever I can do to help you, miss! Anything for a lady!” “I need to get rid of this, but I don’t know how!” Fluttershy said, pointing at the bag of gold. “It’s impossible to remain unnoticed while carrying that much money, but I have no idea what to do with it!” Silence. The schoolfilly stallion blinked slowly, veeeery slowly. Then he looked at the comically oversized bag of gold. Then at Fluttershy. Then he looked around. Then he smiled. “Miss Summer Breath,” he said, “we’re in a casino. Getting rid of money is exactly what this place is about.” “Princess Twilight! My apologies for being absent for such a long time. There was some, uh, problems with the guards and the kitchen.” To describe the scene Money Bags walked into when he came back to the restaurant to sit down at Twilight’s table would be almost impossible with simple words. It was a situation akin to a group of drunk giraffes trying to scratch their necks with a tree. It was like an ant colony trying to dance to the beat of a bad ragtime song. Like seven hundred thousand million billion oxygen particles trying their darn hardest to create as much entropy as possible. It was kind of chaotic, that’s what we’re trying to explain here. Nobleponies like to imitate whoever has the highest social status around them, and when that someone stops giving them commands they just continue with whatever they were doing. Picture thirty nobleponies simultaneously slamming their heads against the table, then looking around, then asking the rest to stop, and then, after seeing nopony is listening to them, slamming their heads once more. Rinse and repeat. Add one very baffled princess asking herself what in the holy name of Celestia is wrong with the world, and we finally get a complete view of what was happening in there. Now, credit where credit’s due: Money Bags didn’t even blink at the scene. Looking as comfortable as a bedridden filly on the first day of winter, he just walked towards the table Twilight was sitting at—following the beat of the headslamming, because, truth be told, it was kind of catchy; the nobleponies had a surprisingly good sense of rhythm—and then sat down and smiled at her. “Fortunately, everything has been solved,” he said. Twilight didn’t look at him. Her attention was still focused on the thirty nobleponies that were trying really hard to get brain damage. Her face was a mix between worry, bafflement, confusion, and exhaustion. In other words: she was frowning. Pony faces aren’t very expressive. “I… see,” she muttered. Money Bags followed her gaze. “Oh, let them be,” he said, looking at the nobleponies the same way one would look at rocks—with little interest and maybe a glimpse of wonder at just how resilient they were. “They’ll stop and talk to each other normally in no time, as long as we take the lead.” Twilight gulped and nodded. “I hope so,” she said, forcing herself to look away. “At this rate somepony’s going to get hurt.” “Nobleponies have thick skulls,” Money Bags said, waving a hoof. “Oh, I see dear Applejacque is still in the bathroom?” Twilight’s eyes opened wide, and her ears perked up. “Ah! Y-yes! She is, uh, she had to—” “Oh, don’t worry, don’t worry! ” Money Bags raised a hoof and shook his head, a warm smile on his face. “No need to explain! Between the cake and all the tea we had… I know how it is with you mares and bathrooms. She can have as much alone time as she wants in there.” Silence. Twilight blinked. “Uh… okay? We… Uh…” Silence. Money Bags kept smiling at her. Eventually, Twilight shrugged. “You know what? Yes. Whatever you were implying, that’s exactly what’s going on.” She let out a deep sigh, and then looked at Money Bags with intensity. As in, she was looking at him really hard, which is something anypony can do—it’s similar to the face one has when horribly constipated. Frown, slight squint, pressed lips, a small twitch of the left ear… It’s a very common expression. “So… problems with the guards, you said?” she asked. “Why, yes,” Money Bags said. His smile disappeared as he sighed, and his eyes got half-closed for a second, a hint of irritation in his voice. “I’m afraid we had a little highjacking in the kitchen, because my personnel are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Two mares appeared and convinced all my guards to leave their posts.” He arched an eyebrow and looked to the side. “Remember that guard who was working as a waiter for no reason? Yeah.” Twilight bit her lip, but tried to make her voice sound as neutral as possible. “Oh?” she said. “So what did you do?” “Oh, the only thing I could, of course.” Money bags shrugged. “Code red procedure. I sent the guards after those two mares. Almost all of them—I’m sure they’ll be caught in no time.” Around them, the headslamming had stopped, if only a little. Twilight focused on that, thoughts running wild across her mind. Okay, so Money Bags had got them, and the plan had gone down the drain—there was no way to know where anypony was at this point, and with Money Bags in front of her, Twilight couldn’t send any messages through Spike. Everything was going wrong, and the words “code red” certainly sounded pretty bad. But she couldn’t despair yet! She had to trust her friends and hope for the best! Sure, things were looking grim, but not everything was lost, not by a landslide. Fluttershy and Pinkie were probably dealing with their situation expertly, for example. Those two were incredibly good at hiding, weren’t they? If they wanted to remain unseen, they would blend with the background perfectly. “BOOOO—hic! BOOO HOOOOO HOOO! THIS ISN’T WOOO-OOOO-OOORKIIIIING! hic!” “Uh…” By Fluttershy’s side, the schoolfilly stallion was stroking his moustache with the biggest frown his schoolfilly face could create. They were sitting in front of a slot machine, and the bag of gold couldn’t contain the sheer amount of money they had. “Uh. Okay,” he said. “Maybe we should… just… Try again? Perhaps?” “BOOO HOOO HOOO!” “Okay, maybe if I do it, it will work?” The schoolfilly stallion licked his lips, grabbed one bit from the bag, inserted it into the slot machine, and pulled the lever. The machine made a buzzing sound, and the three slots started moving at an amazing speed for a couple seconds. Then, they stopped one by one. DING! A seven. DING! Another seven. DING! A third seven. A pause. DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING— “Oh, for Celestia’s sake,” the schoolfilly stallion said as a the slot machine puked a myriad of coins at them and a small crowd gathered around. “Another jackpot? Seriously, Miss, at this rate we’re going to ruin the whole place.” “BOOOO HOOOO HOOO—” Oh, yes. Absolute masters of disguise, Twilight thought, getting some of her confidence back. They would blend with any crowd. And what about Applejack? She was probably the most responsible of them all! Twilight was completely sure she would have a plan to find her friends and solve the whole situation while remaining perfectly disguised as a Pfrench bodyguard. Good ol’ Applejack, as reliable as ever. Sure, she was used to a lifestyle where every single problem could be solved with a strong kick and some witticism muttered in a Southern accent, but come on—she would make it. “PIIIIINKIE PIEEEEEEE! FLUUUUUTTERSHYYYYYY!” Applejack screamed, running through the countless slot machines and poker tables, nobleponies turning around and looking at her with bewildered faces. “WHEEEEREEE AAAARE YOOOOUUUUUU?!” A couple guards looked at her as she ran past them, and after looking at each other and frowning, they followed her. However, Applejack was too busy screaming like a madpony to realize that. Incidentally, she was also too busy screaming for her friends to notice the small crowd surrounding a crying pegasus and an obscenely large sum of money. Yes, indeed. She had no reason to worry that much—they would sort everything out, somehow. So, for now, the best thing—and, to be honest, the only thing—she could do was gather some more information. So she took a deep breath. “But,” she said, talking as slowly as possible to hide her nervousness, “you stayed in the kitchen after sending the guards to chase the two mares, right?” She licked her lips. “How come?” “Hmm?” Money Bags looked back at her. “Oh, well, I hadn’t finished yet, of course. The kitchen had to be searched thoroughly to make sure there were no more intruders, for example. And the cooks had to get their mojo back.” Twilight’s ears perked up, but only a little. “Makes sense,” she said, just before looking at the table and playing with her spoon. “And what about the rest of the guards?” “They split in two teams,” Money Bags said, running a hoof through his mane. “I had to make sure the rest of the casino is not in danger, because if two attackers got inside, there’s no reason why more of them couldn’t be here.” He paused. “Of course, this doesn’t mean you’re in danger right now, Princess! The restaurant is the safest place in Equestria right now.” He scratched his chin. “Or, well, it will be in short notice.” Silence. Twilight gulped. “So…” she said, and then she stopped. Her voice had trembled. She coughed, and then started again. “So, how did you do that? How did you make sure there were no more ponies in here?” “Well, I haven’t made sure yet,” Money Bags admitted. “But the guards are on their way. I sent three of my sturdiest guards to the offices—um, the private part of the casino, that is.” He smiled. “They’re tough, they’re smart, and they’re fast. If there’s anypony there, they will find them. And they will make sure they don’t escape.” He looked at his wrist, where he wore a shining black watch. “They’ve probably done so already.” In that very moment, the three sturdiest, smartest, and fastest guards of the entire casino were at the door that lead to the private part of the casino—a door we’re already familiar with. Right next to the stage and in front of the bathroom, it was the door Applejack had noticed not so long ago, and also the door Dash had been dragged to when she had first entered the casino. And, just by chance, because Equestria works mainly in incredible coincidences due to the absurdly high amount of magic, friendship, and pollution in the air, the moment those guards opened the door was the exact same moment Dash and Rarity, who was alive only in the legal sense of the word, turned the corner that led to the exact same corridor that door opened to. At the exact same time. Perfect coordination. The five ponies just stood there, looking at each other, slightly dumbfounded. Silence. “THE EXIT!” screamed Dash, pointing. “INTRUDERS!” screamed two of the guards, also pointing. “THE BATHROOM!” screamed Rarity. Three guesses at what she was doing. And then, silence. The third guard frowned and looked at the other two. “What, they’re not going to acknowledge us?” “Rarity! Hide behind me!” Dash yelled, taking a step forward, arching her back like a cat, and opening her wings wide. “I’ll take care of them! You don’t need to—” NYOOOOOM! BLAM! Dash blinked. “U—whah?” Right behind her stood a cloud of dust with Rarity’s shape. The bathroom door at the other side of the exit had been slammed shut. The three guards laid unconscious on the floor. Dash frowned. “Hey!” she said, walking towards the exit. “You’re not allowed to do that! I’m the one who kicks—woah, you went nasty on these guys.” “Yep. Nothing can knock down those guards, I’m absolutely sure,” Money Bags said, nodding to himself. “They’re, like, the elite of the elite.” “Oh.” Twilight looked down. So, elite guards in the private part of the casino. That was good to know. “And what about the other team?” Money Bags blinked. “Team?” “You said you split the guards that stayed in the kitchen into two teams,” Twilight said. “One team is at the private offices, looking for more attackers. What about the other one? What are they doing?” A pause. “And how many of them are in that team?” “Uh, I think they’re, like, four of them?” Money Bags frowned and crossed his forelegs. “Yeah, four. I’m pretty sure. I sent them to the front door, obviously.” “The front door?” Twilight cocked her head to the side. “Isn’t there a guard already?” “Yeah, and the terrorists—or whatever they are, but I’m positive they’re carrying poisonous bombs of death—managed to get in anyway, so you can see how useful that lone guard was.” Money Bags frowned and made a huff. “He’s going to get some serious scolding once this whole deal is over.” Twilight bit her lip. “Uh. How serious?” “I don’t know. Some yelling, I’ll probably fire him, maybe I’ll burn his house down and kidnap his family…” Money Bags shrugged. “I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.” Silence. “Okay!” Twilight clapped and straightened her back. “Okay! Add that to the list of things to worry about! A random guard’s life is going to be destroyed today!” “Yeah, yeah, I know.” Money Bags shook his head. “Those terrorists are terrible. It’s all their fault.” “Actually—” “All their fault, I say,” Money Bags repeated. “That’s why I’m sending those guards to the door. They’ll make sure nopony gets in or out until I say so.” He smiled. “And of course, that’s not all there is.” Twilight blinked. “It isn’t?” “Why, of course not. Those guards have a second, far more important mission, Princess. They’re there to get reinforcements.” “PIIIIINKIIIIEEEEE PIIIIEEEEE!” Applejack screamed, still running down the gambling part of the casino. Everything was red carpets, golden walls, blinking lights, shining coins, and bewildered faces around her. Her dress felt hot and uncomfortable, and it was getting really wet around her armpits, which was pretty annoying. “FLUUUUTTEEERSHYYYY!” Nothing. She’d been running for… what? Fifteen minutes? And there was no way to find her friends. Just finding Pinkie and Fluttershy in a sea of random faces would be hard in itself, but those two had colored their coats and were wearing clothes, and everypony around her had a hat or a monocle or something, and the air felt way too hot to be the normal temperature of a casino, and she was getting breathless, and she wasn’t even sure if she’d been running in circles or what, and there were a lot of guards around her for no reason whatsoever, and her hooves itched, and—AAAAAAARGH! “Okay, that’s it!” she yelled, and then she stopped running as suddenly as a marathon runner who just suffered a heart attack. “This is useless! There’s no way Ah’ll find them like this! Ah can’t deal with—wait a second.” She frowned and scratched her chin. Okay, she thought, there was somethin’ weird about that mental list she’d just made. What was it? “Uh…” She licked her lips. “‘Kay, so it’s hot—that’s normal. And my hooves are itchy, all good. And Pinkie and Shy are nowhere to be found, yes. And there are like seventeen guards surrounding me.” A pause. “Eeeyup, that’d be it.” Applejack sighed and looked at the seventeen guards that were surrounding her and had, apparently, came out of nowhere. Seventeen stallions with quite the tough look, flexing their muscles and all that. They were also wearing suits and sunglasses, which gave them a pretty dapper appearance. The guards looked back at her. AJ noticed the slot machines around them were completely empty—not a single noblepony in sight. “Huh,” Applejack muttered, licking her lips. “In hindsight, Ah guess runnin’ wild and screamin’ wasn’t the best of ways to look for ’em incognito, was it?” One of the guards shook his head. “Certainly not, ma’am.” AJ nodded. “Aaaand Ah just blew our entire cover, didn’t Ah?” “Pretty much, ma’am.” “Oh, well. Stuff happens.” Applejack scratched the back of her neck and gave a look around. “So… Seventeen of you, hm?” “Actually, we’re twenty-one. A couple of us are trying to creep behind you right now, although the slot machines are giving them trouble.” “Uh-huh. Awfully nice for you to say that, sugarcube.” She frowned. “And all of you are stallions?” “I’m afraid that’s right, ma’am. We’re trying to bring more diversity to the casino guarding business, but it’s a slow procedure.” “Well, it’s the thought that counts, Ah guess,” AJ said. “Although it sounds a little impractical.” “Couldn’t agree more, ma’am. I’ve always feared our lack of variety will turn against us one day.” “Absolutely possible, yeah,” Applejack replied. Silence. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “GET HER!” Twilight frowned. “Reinforcements?” “Why, yes.” Money Bags nodded. “This place is not secure enough, so I figured bringing more guards would be the smartest move.” He waved a hoof. “The Royal Guard is coming, too, of course, but it’ll take them a while—it’s a long way from the castle, after all—and in the meantime…” “Hmm.” Twilight took a deep breath. So. More guards. They weren’t expecting that. “And… How many of them, if you don’t mind my asking?” “Oh, around twenty-one more,” Money Bags replied. “At least for now. But don’t worry, Princess, they’ll find the terrorists in no time, and you won’t even notice they were here in the first pla—” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “CONTINUE YOUR ATTEMPTS TO GET HER!” Twilight, Money Bags, and every single noblepony in the restaurant paused their conversations to look at the avalanche of guards running after Applejack. Silence. “Wait, she didn’t yell in Pfrench this time,” one of the nobleponies said. “Do we need to get offended now, or…?” “P’faaaaaaah. Rarity, are you done yet?” Rainbow Dash asked. She was sitting on the floor, resting her back against the still closed bathroom door, and she had been doing nothing for the last fifteen minutes or so. “I’ve been doing nothing but wait for you for the last fifteen minutes or so!” she said, because Rainbow Dash loved stating the obvious. “Get out of there already!” No answer. “Oh, come on!” Dash crossed her forelegs. “We’re robbing a casino! This is supposed to be exci—” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! “MAINTAIN IN UNALTERED CONDITION YOUR ENDEAVORS RELATED TO GETTING HER!” A pause. “Okay,” Dash said, “that sounds exciting.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—oh, hey, Dash!” “Heya, AJ!” Dash said, flapping her wings as hard as she could. She had crossed roughly a quarter of the entire casino in a couple seconds and was now flying alongside Applejack, yelling to make herself heard above the sound of so many ponies running. “What’s up?” “I WON’T EXTEND MY PETITIONS OF UPHOLDING YOUR EFFORTS ON GETTING HER BECAUSE IT’S GETTING OLD, BUT YOU KNOW THE DRILL!” “Guards tryin’ to catch me!” AJ replied, pointing with her head at the twenty-one guards behind them. “Also Ah think Ah accidentally blew our cover! Sorry!” “Woah. Really?” Dash looked at AJ and cocked her head to the side, demonstrating once more that she gave no flying feathers about safety measure while flying at high speeds. “What a coincidence! I accidentally blew up the office!” “Yeah, life’s funny like that now and then!” “IT’S BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT WE’RE CHASING TWO MARES INSTEAD OF ONE NOW! IN RESPONSE, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT ONLY PROCEEDING WITH OUR INITIAL PLAN OF CHASING THE ORIGINAL MARE, BUT ALSO EXPANDING IT SO THAT WE ALSO TRY TO GET THE SECOND ONE!” “So where have you been?” AJ asked, frowning. “The plan got all wobbly ‘cause you two were missin’!” “We had trouble in the sewers!” Dash said. “Also, turn here! Go to the right!” “Why?!” “It’s where the bathroom is!” Dash said. When she turned, Applejack followed, and so did the guards. “Anyway, I had trouble at the sewers, hence the whole ‘I blew stuff up’ thing! Rarity almost died and then she kung-fu'd some guards or something.” “Sounds like somethin’ Rarity would do!” AJ said. “Ah’ve been lookin’ for Pinkie and Fluttershy, but they’ve disappeared!” “Really?” Dash asked, arching an eyebrow. “It’s pretty easy to find Pinkie! Look for the one that’s singing!” “Not this time! She was hidin’, I reckon!” “Ah. Then you didn’t try hard enough!” Dash said. “Don’t you know the trick to make Pinkie appear?” “What are you talkin’ about?!” “Let me show you!” Dash cleared her throat with a cough, and then yelled while looking at the ceiling. “HEY, LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY!” “OH MY GOSH!” Pinkie Pie said. She was running right next to them, keeping up with Dash and AJ’s pace with no problem whatsoever. “WHERE?! I, LIKE, LOVE SHINY THINGS! Also, hello, girls! What’s up?” Silence. Applejack blinked. “Darn,” she muttered. “Like stealing candy from a baby, I tell you,” Dash said, smiling. “Wait,” Money Bags interrupted, frowning a little. “Weren’t they, like, running like crazy back there?” Twilight nodded. “Why, yes. They’d been running all this time. Wasn’t I clear enough about that?” “Uh, yes, you were, but… How did the pink one appear out of nowhere? Where did she come from? Are you telling me she ran fast enough to catch them just like that with nopony not—okay, I don’t even know why I’m asking this stuff at this point in the story.” He sighed. “Let me guess: she’s just Pinkie, isn’t she?” “Yeah, she’s very wacky. That’s the standard explanation for this kind of stuff.” Twilight shrugged. “In all fairness, you’re not the only one concerned about this scenario.” “You know what? Ah won’t even question what just happened,” AJ muttered, turning her head forward. They were getting really close to that inconspicuous bathroom door she’d noticed half an hour earlier, which meant there were no nobleponies around anymore. “Ah’m just goin’ to assume there’s some zany explanation that Ah wouldn’t get even if Ah tried.” “Well, Pinkie Pie is pretty wacky,” Rainbow Dash said. “I think that’s about all we’re going to find out.” “That’s the standard explanation!” Pinkie chirped, smiling. “Also, what are we doing?!” “Running from the guards!” Dash said, pointing at the avalanche behind them. “Applejack blew our cover and I partially blew up the casino!” “Sounds like a jam!” “APPARENTLY WE’RE NOW CHASING THREE MARES, TO WHICH I SUGGEST TRYING TO CATCH ALL OF THEM TO SIMPLIFY THIS WHOLE ORDEAL!” “So the entire plan is busted?” Pinkie asked, grinning like a sociopath with a brand new flamethrower. “It’s all down the drain? We’re going to prison? Hooray!” “Pretty sure that’s not the right reaction, sugarcube.” “Are you kidding me?!” Pinkie cackled. Literally. She let her inner evil witch out for a second or something. The sound she made was similar to a very excited crow drinking a milkshake way too dense to be healthy. It was like sugar crystal shattering to pieces on top of an apple pie. It was like a baby hitting a puppy with a baby cane. In other words: it sounded sweet and kind of uncanny. “I’ve been waiting for this all day!” Silence. “Yeah, pretty sure that’s still not the right reaction, sugarcube.” “If the plan fails, it means I’m in control!” Pinkie replied. The bathroom door was really close now. Only a couple seconds until they got there. “We gotta improvise, girls!” “Oh dear.” “Oh my gosh.” “Oh yeah!” Pinkie said, finally getting to the bathroom door. Without stopping her cackling and grinning and overall creepy behaviour, she pinkicked the door open. BLAM! went the door. “HELLO, RARITY!” BLAM! went the door again. “Hello, girls,” Rarity replied, still facing the mirror with the most intense stare she could muster, her horn shining like the armor of a very cliché knight. She didn’t even blink at the sound of three mares running into the bathroom at top speed and then slamming the door like a noblepony’s head in the middle of a baffling conversation. She just acknowledged the presence of her friends with a nod. Silence. Money Bags frowned. “So she was…” “Before you say anything disgusting,” Twilight interrupted, glaring at him, “she was—rather obviously, I might add—fixing her makeup. You’ll notice everypony stopped comparing her to a giant pile of custard after a while.” “What, just like that?” Money Bags crossed his forelegs and rested his back on the chair. “Don’t you need, like, tools to do that or something? Lipstick, or…?” “A normal mare would need that, yes,” Twilight said, nodding, “but you’re underestimating Rarity. She’s worked wonders with some hay and a drinking straw before—something as silly as not having makeup while fixing her looks is not an obstacle for her.” “Uh-huh.” Money Bags massaged the space between his eyes. “Have you noticed your friends have all unique abilities that manage to both be incredibly amazing and totally useless at the same time?” “Literally the first thing I picked up when I moved to Ponyville,” Twilight said. “Fluttershy is able to change into a bee costume in less than two seconds for no reason whatsoever too, for example. We’ve yet to find a situation where that has some kind of benefit.” “Wait a second!” Dash yelled, getting up and frowning at the door. “This thing was unlocked?!” “Yes,” Rarity said, still not looking at her friends. “You were just too dumb to go and try to open it, dear.” “I thought you had locked it!” “Hence my commentary about you being dumb, yes.” “Her story checks out,” AJ muttered. “Is there even a lock in here?!” Dash continued, still yelling at the door. “We need to lock this! The guards are going to bust in any second now!” “Nah, they won’t,” Pinkie said, shaking her head. “We got that covered.” “What are you talking about?! They’re going to—” “Dash.” AJ put a hoof on top of Rainbow’s shoulder and slowly dragged her away from the door. “Pinkie’s right. They’re not gonna get in.” Rainbow wrinkled her muzzle. “But why? Did you, like, secure the door somehow without me noticing, or…?” “What?” Pinkie snorted and waved a hoof. “Of course not! Far simpler, girl.” The twenty one guards stood right in front of the bathroom door, and every single one of them was squinting with this kind of annoyed face one makes when one can’t achieve their goal for some incredibly silly reason. More specifically, they were squinting at the sign that hung on that door. The sign that said “Ladies.” Silence. “Gosh darn it,” the only guard who talked muttered. “This was so freaking predictable.” “Don’t let anypony fool you: social rules are the most efficient trap there is,” Pinkie said, crossing her forelegs and nodding in a wise way. So, like, nodding really slowly and with her eyes closed, like some kind of kung-fu master that’s stating the obvious. “They won’t dare to go inside.” “Applejack, dear?” Rarity asked, still by that mirror. “Do you mind helping me a little bit?” “Uh. Sure.” “What color looks better on my lips? This one? Or this one?” “Uh.” AJ blinked. “Why are you askin’ me again?” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Just answer the question, dear.” Applejack frowned and scratched her chin. “Uuuuuh. The second one?” “Perfect. The first one it is, then.” Rarity licked her lips one more time and then started working on her mane, fixing the atrocities the explosion had caused. “So,” she muttered, “the guards are after you girls, and we kind of destroyed everything underground. Do we officially declare the plan completely busted yet, or…?” “I already have!” Pinkie said, sitting down on the floor right next to Rarity. Dash and Applejack did the same. “I’m in control now!” “Good gracious.” Rarity shook her head—not too much, of course; she was still trying to fix her mane—and bit her lip. “So what do we do?” “I have no idea,” Dash replied, resting her head on her hooves. “Where are Twilight and Fluttershy?” “Ah left Twi with Money Bags,” Applejack said. “At the restaurant.” “And Fluttershy is probably still at the gambling section!” Pinkie said. “With the gold and the dragonfire!” “Ah have my bottle with me,” Applejack said. “Do we write ’em a letter?” “And what can they possibly do?” Dash asked. “If Twilight is with Money Bags, she’s probably working on some way to solve all this stuff. Bringing her here would be the opposite of helpful!” “We can still call Fluttershy,” Rarity said. “Oh, yes. Let’s call Fluttershy so she can be easily obliterated by the army of guards in front of our door!” Dash said. “That sounds like an amazing idea!” “Yes, but she could help me fix my mane. I say it’s worth the risk.” “Rarity!” Applejack said, frowning. “We’re talkin’ ‘bout Fluttershy’s safety! Get your priorities straight!” “Hey, you are talking about Fluttershy’s safety,” Rarity said. “I’m talking about my mane. If anything, get your priorities straight.” “There’s no need to argue, girls!” Pinkie Pie said, raising her hooves in the air. “I know exactly what to do!” The entire room fell silent as Rarity, Dash, and Applejack paused and looked at Pinkie Pie with a mix between fear and far more fear. There had been something weird in Pinkie’s voice—it sounded exactly like that of a pony who had just discovered she had a thousand tons of dynamite buried under her house. “And…” Rarity squinted. “Is it, by any chance, a rational and simple plan?” “The exact opposite, actually! It’s needlessly complicated, obscenely intricate, and you don’t need to bother fixing your mane anymore!” Rarity blinked. “And that’s because…?” “Because the top hat potion is not the only one I brewed with Twilight!” “Hey,” said one of the guards, his ears perking up a little. “Did you heard that? Sounds like arguing.” “What?” “I think I heard some kind of muffled scream,” the guard repeated, walking to the door and pressing his ear against it. He frowned. “Yes. They’re doing something. Sounds like...” The other guards all looked at him. “Sounds like,” he continued, “like they’re… arguing? I can’t really understand what they’re saying.” He licked his lips. “Ah. Sounds like one of them surrendered, although she definitely has her doubts about the plan. She believes it’s a stupid plan, and overly complicated, but knows there’s nothing else they can do.” “That was some surprisingly exact information for somepony who can’t understand what they’re saying.” The guard shrugged. “Eh. They made a very expressive grunt.” He frowned again. “And now they’re… doing… something? I can’t really tell, but it sounds fashionable and absolutely irrelevant, so let’s just assume they’re doing absolutely nothing because it will have no consequences whatsoever later on.” “Sounds like a plan!” “We’re so good at guarding things.” “Ah!” The guard at the door opened his eyes wide. As opposed to opening his eyes narrow, obviously. “They’re done with that! Now it sounds like they’re… drinking something?” He blinked. “And… And now it sounds like… There’s like a lot of pop sounds in there? What the—” BLAM! went the door. The guards all jumped in surprise, and looked at the bathroom. Then they looked at what had opened the door. The bathroom was absolutely filled with arachnids. Hundreds, maybe thousands of little furry eight-legged atrocities. Countless small, gleaming eyes staring at them with mute, alien intelligence. Silence. Then all the things came out of the bathroom at the same time. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—!” “OH CELESTIA! OH SWEET BABY CELESTIA THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!” “THERE ARE SPIDERS IN MY MOUTH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” “OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NONONONONONONONONONO—” “SPIDERS! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SPIDERS?!” “BOO HOO HO—to be specific, they’re tarantulae! You can tell by their fur and the way their little legs bend.” The schoolfilly stallion blinked. “Uh. Miss Summer Breath? Did you just say something?” “Ah?” Fluttershy looked at him. “Um, I think? I don’t know, I felt like saying that for some reason.” “Well, at least you’ve stopped crying—” Ding! went the slot machine. And then, it started puking coins again. Clataclataclataclata— “BOOO HOOO HOOOO!” “Oh for goodness’ sake.” “YOUR FRIENDS TURNED INTO SPIDERS?!” “Into tarantulae, if you want to be more accurate, yes,” Twilight replied. “Come on, you could totally see this one coming.” “EXCUSE ME IF I DIDN’T STOP TO CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF YOUR FRIENDS TURNING INTO FREAKING SPIDERS!” "They really prefer 'tarantulae'." “WHAT THE WHAT?!” “Look, they had to get out of there, somehow,” Twilight said, sighing. “And Pinkie had the tarantula potion, because of course she did. She’s Pinkie.” She shrugged. “So they all drank it, and each one turned into… what? Twenty different tarantulae? And got away from the bathroom.” Money Bags just stood there, glaring at her with wide-open eyes that twitched a little. Behind him, the watermelonian guards looked a little shocked too. “Uh…” Twilight licked her lips. “So yeah. That’s what happened.” “And… And then they…” Money Bags squinted. “Wait. Is this going where I think it’s going? Was this what happened before all hell broke loose?” “Actually, yes!” Twilight said, nodding. “You see…” Now, sometimes one considers a situation and thinks “Yeah, I can probably imagine how that’d feel.” A surprisingly high number of stallions think those exact words right before their first colonoscopy, for example, and they’re all surprised. Always. Because, chances are that if one thinks it’s easy to imagine how something feels like without actually experiencing it, one’s absolutely wrong. And that’s with more or less “normal” things, like licking mold or being trapped with Pinkie Pie for a whole weekend with nothing but salt to eat. Now let’s stop to try to imagine, for a couple seconds, what turning into about twenty tarantulae feels like. Yes. Exactly like that. Only it’s not like that at all, because the only way to know how such a thing feels is to actually experience it. Rarity would later describe it as “the second most horrible moment of her life”, Applejack would say “it was like turning into a ton of giant spiders all of a sudden—wait a second”, and Pinkie just said that “it tickled”. Dash refused to give an explanation. Now, after they stormed out of the bathroom all at once, the guards didn’t try to follow them—they were a little bit traumatized, all in all. At least three of them had foam coming out of their mouths, which couldn’t really be healthy at all. So, the tarantulae ran freely without anypony trying to catch them. However, that didn’t mean their job was easy, oh no. Pinkie’s plan had been pretty simple, all in all: defy all laws of nature, common sense, magic, and matter conservation to turn into a sea of little furry eight-legged monsters, confuse the guards, then go to the private section of the casino. However, it was kind of hard to control oneself while being, like, suddenly more than one organism at once. So the tarantulae got a little confused, because tarantulae are not that smart anyway. They tried to run to the private section of the casino, yes, but turns out the door to the currently empty stage was right next to it, and they ended up there instead. A stage that just turned out to be empty for some very fortunate reason. The curtains were closed, so nopony in the casino could see the tarantulae filling the stage, which was probably for the best. Not like the tarantulae had any idea what was happening, of course. But then again, it didn’t really matter—a couple minutes later, the potions’ effect wore off, and the tarantulae got together and turned back into ponies. But of course, one of them just happened to move one little lever right next to the curtains before turning into Applejack’s leg. A very special lever. In the restaurant, all the conversations died when a jingle of music came out of nowhere. The lights went dim, and with a flash! the stage lit up and the curtains opened, revealing a very confused Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, who were—quite literally—in the spotlight. Everypony was looking at them. Everypony. Silence. Money Bags frowned a little. “Princess?” he asked, not turning to face Twilight. “Um.” Twilight gulped, also looking at the stage. Her friends looked like a herd of deer in front of a laser beam. “Yes?” “Isn’t that your bodyguard?” “…That’d be her, yes,” Twilight agreed. “And she’s on the stage.” “Yes.” “She was being chased by my guards, wasn’t she?” “Yyyyes.” “And now she’s on the stage right next to the two terrorists I had to deal with before.” “That appears to be the case.” Silence. Money Bags turned to face Twilight. “You are aware of the implications, right, Princess?” “Why, of course.” Twilight also turned to face him, a warm smile on her face. “And don’t worry, I have a perfectly logical and understandable explanation as to why she—and by extension, I—looks like a part of the group that’s attacking your casino!” Money Bags arched an eyebrow. “Really?” “Of course!” Twilight repeated. “And I’m sure you’ll find it perfectly satisf—zapyouintheface!” “Wait, wha—” ZAP! “AAAAAAAAAH!” “AAAAAAAAAH!” And Twilight ran away.