Chapter 8: Akane’s Cooking
Monday night: The day Ranma’s neck was bent in a way that shouldn’t be possible…
“Dinner time,” called out Kasumi.
At once, everyone in the house came into the living room/dining room and saw that dinner was ready.
“So, who helped you tonight?“ asked Nabiki.
“Shampoo did.” Kasumi replied.
“Shampoo’s cooking is always good,” remarked Pinkie.
Kasumi and Shampoo brought several dishes, all of them looked and smelled delicious.
Akane looked at the cooking, and suddenly felt a pang of jealousy. She didn’t know why, though.
Of course, the meal was soon eaten by Pinkie....
“Don’t worry… there more in kitchen.” Said Shampoo with a sweat drop.
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Tuesday night: The day Kuno challenged Ryoga to a fight…
“Dinner’s ready,” Kasumi called out.
Kasumi brought dinner, a few the items they could tell had apples in them, especially the salad.
“Applejack’s cooking, right?” asked Ranma.
“That’s right, she’s the one who helped tonight.”
“It was nothing.” the earth pony said modestly.
“I take it you were human when you cooked this,” presumed Nabiki.
“No, I was a pony.”
Nabiki blinked in surprise, then asked, “Wait, how can you cook with hooves?”
“It’s actually very easy. We have all of the same things you use to cook back home.”
“Really?”
“It’s true…” supported Twilight.
To say Nabiki was weirded out would be an understatement. However there was something else she needed to ask.
“Please tell me you washed your hooves before cooking.” Said Nabiki.
“Of course I did.” Muttered Applejack.
Akane looked at Applejack’s cooking, and felt another twinge of jealousy. It didn't help that Applejack was a pony at the time of cooking.
And Pinkie, AGAIN, ate a lot of it.
“More in kitchen?” asked Ranma.
“Of course there is.” Said Applejack.
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Wednesday night: The day Ryoga somehow got go to Tokyo Disneyland… without paying. Again…
“Dinner’s ready,” called out Kasumi. Once again, everyone in the house went to eat dinner…
“So, who helped you tonight?” asked Akane.
“Oh, I cooked dinner on my own. But Pinkie did make the desserts.”
They saw the desserts and saw they looked really delicious, there were many cakes and pies and the Tendos couldn’t believe how delicious they looked.
Even Pinkie knows how to cook, Akane thought with a sweat drop.
Pinkie however ended up eating most of the deserts.
“Where does it all go?” asked Nabiki.
“I’d rather not know.” Sighed Twilight.
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After dinner, Akane went into the kitchen and saw Kasumi washing dishes.
“Kasumi,” she asked her elder sister, “Can I help cook dinner tomorrow night?” All of a sudden, Kasumi drop the bowl she was cleaning. Fortunately, it didn’t break, which gave her a reason to be calm. “What’s wrong?”
Kasumi put on a brave front. “It’s nothing.” Though inside, she shivered.
“So…”
“Of course you may.” Kasumi couldn't say no to her younger sister as she left the kitchen. Once Akane was gone, she wondered if should warn someone, she did love her sister… but she had to admit that Akane was the worst cook she knew.
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Thursday: The horror begins…
Hikaru paused in her progress on trying to unravel the magic of Jusenkyo. She had rarely made a dent in the progress, she really hoped that he could have a cure soon.
That was when she smelled something awful.
What’s that smell? she thought. That's when she heard a crash in the kitchen. She decided to see what’s wrong when she saw Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Ranma all staring at the door.
“What’s going on?” asked Hikaru.
“Akane’s helping Kasumi cook tonight,” answered Ranma.
There was another crash, followed by Akane yelling out an apology.
“It’s okay," the heard Kasumi reply. "Why don’t you check on the noodles?”
At that very moment, Nabiki and Belle came home from the dress shop.
“What’s going on?” asked Nabiki.
“Akane’s helping Kasumi cook,” replied Hikaru.
Nabiki looked terrified, or as much as Nabiki could look terrified, “WHAT?! Where’s Daddy?”
“He suddenly left with Pops,” answered Ranma.
“Looked like he was done right scared of something,” remarked Applejack.
“You should have seen it!" rambled Pinkie. "It was like 'ZOOM', and they were gone!”
“How…how bad is she?” asked Fluttershy.
“I doubt she can be as bad as my sister…” Belle mumbled.
“I don’t know how bad your sister cooks.” Said Nabiki.
“My sister’s cooking has broken the rules of physics. Has Akane’s?”
“Define 'broken the rules of psychics.'”
“You don’t want to know.” Belle shuddered. Just how was she able to burn that pie on the inside, yet make it so appealing on the outside?
That was when a strange smell came wafting from the kitchen, it was a strange sticky sweet smell, that reminded them all of burnt sugar.
“I wonder what’s going on in there?” asked Pinkie.
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About a minute earlier…
Inside, Kasumi was reading the instructions for the cooking, as well as trying to get Akane not to put the wrong ingredients into the soup she was making.
“No wait, Akane. That’s sugar,” she said in an attempt to stop her younger sister.
“Oh…” said Akane, “It was supposed to be salt, right?” Kasumi nodded, trying to remain calm. “I guess it'll work with sugar. But then again, I might need to add salt to balance it out.”
Kasumi sighed and said, “I guess I could work on the salad.” Whatever Akane was cooking has already been doomed to failure at this point.
She was the kindest, sweetest person on the planet (well, native to this one), and even she had to admit that her sister was hopeless when it comes to cooking.
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Pinkie had her ear to the door. “Kasumi gave up,” she said. “Something about putting sugar and salt in the soup.”
“Is anyone else scared?” asked Ranma with a sweat drop.
“It won’t be that bad,” assured Belle. “Unless she somehow burns juice.”
Nabiki turned towards her business partner and asked, “How can you burn juice?”
“Don’t ask me. My mother was watching her cook.”
Nabiki tried to come up with a response, but couldn’t. Although she had to admit, Akane wasn’t THAT bad of a cook.
“Wait who are you even talking about?” asked Nabiki.
“Just never mind.” Sighed Belle.
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Sometime later…
The ponies, the Tendo sisters, and Ranma were seated at the table. The only two who didn’t look nervous were Rarity and Pinkie, the former for obvious reasons and the latter…well she was the only one among them who ate baked bads, so she assumed Akane’s cooking couldn’t be that bad.
That was when Shampoo arrived. Cologne figured it would be best that her granddaughter be home for dinner instead of waiting tables during the dinner rush, so she could get closer to the Tendos.
“What wrong?” asked Shampoo.
“Akane’s cooking,” answered Nabiki.
“How bad is she?”
“Very bad.”
“Oh, she can’t be bad.” Shampoo took a seat next to Ranma.
Had Nabiki been the type to warn people of upcoming danger, she would've told Shampoo to run away while she still could. Unfortunately, she wasn't.
Then, Akane and Kasumi entered the room with the meal.
“Where’s Dad and Mr. Saotome?” the youngest of the Tendos asked, noticing her father's absence.
“They ran,” answered Nabiki not adding “as fast they could.”
“That’s okay, everyone else is here.” She then set down the bowls of soup. A strange scent came from them, a sent that could not be properly described… expect for one word, inedible.
“Akane made the soup,” said Kasumi.
“Only the soup?” asked Rainbow Dash. She then received glances from everyone that all had one message; Be nice.
“Yes, she only made the soup.”
“Isn’t anyone going to try it?” Akane asked with an adorable smile.
No one had the heart to refuse the soup. Even Nabiki, who is normally heartless, couldn’t say no to the smile.
Twilight 'lifted' the spoon to her mouth, gave a gulp, then ate it…
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Hours later…
Cologne returned home from work. She grew concerned when she realized it was too quiet, considering who lived there. It was a bad sign.
“Is anyone home?” she asked.
“We’re up here!” came Akane’s voice from the second floor. Cologne then got a feeling. A very bad feeling. She went into the guest room and sweat dropped. With the exception of Rarity, everyone who ate the cooking were very sick and lay on the floor with stomachaches or worse.
“What happened?”
“You see, I made soup… and it wasn’t that good.”
“Wasn’t that good?!” retorted Nabiki. “You poisoned us all!!”
“I don’t know how, but this is much worse that the baked bads,” complained Pinkie Pie.
Cologne looked at Rarity and asked, “You didn’t eat the soup?”
“I did, but I built up immunity as a filly. My mother was just as a bad a cook as Akane is.”
That was when Rainbow Dash grabbed a bucket and vomited. “Lucky you…” she muttered as she glared at Rarity.
Nabiki wanted to question how could they vomit, but then she realized magical talking ponies from another universe and decided not to ask.
“It hurts so much…” wept Fluttershy.
“I’m sorry,” said Akane.
“It’s all right, sugar cube," assured Applejack. "We all make mistakes. How 'bout I teach you how to cook tomorrow?” Akane nodded, happy with the offer.
“I’ll help too!” put in Pinkie.
“Thank you.” Akane silently reminded herself that Pinkie was a good cook.
That was when Soun and Genma entered the room, very, very drunk.
“You know…you…you ruined my life…you little ponies!" said Genma. "I wish you never came into my life!” He passed out afterwards.
Soun also passed out at the same time muttered something about “Flying Squirrels”, but no one paid attention to him.
“I told you guys that he thought we ruined his life,” muttered Rainbow Dash.
“Please don’t gloat right now…” complained Twilight as she rubbed her head. “I have a splitting headache.”
“Wait until tomorrow,” muttered Ranma as he grabbed the bucket and started dry heaving.
Needless to say, that night wasn’t good for anyone.
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Friday: A Brief Reprieve
Akane and the two ponies who were teaching her to cook were in the kitchen, trying to figure out what Akane could cook that was easy and vegetarian.
“How about cupcakes!” suggested Pinkie.
“No…” replied Akane and Applejack at the same time.
“How about…what was it called again…oh yeah, Udon?” the orange earth pony suggested.
“That’s a good idea,” said Akane.
“I found the cookbook!” yelled out Pinkie, suddenly holding the cookbook in her hooves.
Akane lifted her finger then realized, “You know what, I’m not going to bother asking anymore.”
“Finally got used to her?” asked Applejack.
“Oh yeah.”
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Akane looked up vegetable broth. The first ingredient, water, was the easiest to get. Then, it was time to add the salt. She then grabbed something next to the salt… the pepper.
“Wait!" warned Applejack. "That’s the not the salt.”
Akane looked at and saw it was the pepper.
“Thanks.” Akane then set down the pepper and then added the salt.
“You have a problem checking the label, don’t you?” realized Pinkie.
Akane sweat dropped, knowing the pink earth pony had hit the nail on the head.
That was when music started playing from nowhere. Akane looked at Applejack, who merely sighed.
"She's not..."
[color=FB607F]When you do some cooking, you better keep looking, because you need to check the labels.♪
Applejack had a sweat drop and shook her head.
"She is."
If it looks wrong then don’t add it! Always check the labels!♪
Akane stared at Pinkie Pie as she seemed to pop out of the shelves.
Also make sure that nothing is expired, because I know for a fact that will make everypony sick.♪
“My cooking already made everypony sick… I mean everyone sick!” protested Akane. She then blushed after realizing she used an Equestrian phrase.
Then that’s why you when you do some cooking you better keep looking because you need to check the labels.♪
Akane face palmed, thinking this was getting really weird. Then again, she was taking cooking lessons from two talking ponies.
Because you need to check the labels♪
Both Akane and Applejack stared at her with massive sweat drops.
“Did my song help?” Pinkie then asked.
“A… little…” answered Akane with a sweat drop.
“Well, that part of my job’s done.”
“What was that?”
“She tends to burst into random songs,” explained Applejack. “We try to ignore them when we can.”
“Okay.” Mumbled Akane with a very large sweat drop.
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Akane began to make more of the stock and when it was time to leave it to simmer…
“I really hope this works,” she sighed.
“Don’t worry,” assured Pinkie. “As long as it doesn’t use earthworms, it will be fine.”
“What?”
“Don’t ask,” said Applejack, who looked practically annoyed by that remark.
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Meanwhile, in the living room…
“It doesn’t smell wrong in there,” commented Rainbow Dash.
“Good,” said Ranma. “So we don’t have to go with our plan.”
Just then, Hikaru came in, finished working on trying to untangle the magic of Jusenkyo for today. “What're you guys doing?” she asked.
“Just planning out any story or escape route in case Akane’s cooking comes out wrong,” answered Rainbow Dash.
“I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.” Hikaru muttered with a sweat drop.
Sometime later, it was it time for dinner and tonight's meal was Akane's Udon. They stared at the noodles, still unsure of the food's edibility.
Being the spirit of Kindness, Fluttershy was the first to eat. “It’s delicious Akane,” she said.
“Really?”
Ranma then tired it and realized it was good. Akane was so happy that everyone liked it.
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Saturday: Armageddon!
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN AKANE’S COOKING TONIGHT’S DINNER ON HER OWN?!”
This yell was heard all throughout Furinkan and was even heard in Tomobiki.
Back in the Tendo House…
“Akane insisted that cook tonight’s dinner on her own,” sighed Kasumi. “And I just couldn’t say no.”
“That girl…” sighed Applejack. “Even I know she’s not ready to cook a full on meal on her own.”
“Someone is going to have to help her,” said Pinkie.
Rainbow Dash then said, "If not.... Then we run."
Everyone who knew how to cook came up with a plan.
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Attempt # 1:
Applejack poked her head in. “Hey, sugar cube," she said. "Need some help?”
“No I’m fine,” assured Akane with a shrug.
Applejack sighed and slinked out of the kitchen. Strike one.
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Attempt # 2:
“Akane need help?” asked Shampoo.
“I’m fine, really,” insisted Akane.
Shampoo sighed, I wonder if my grandmother has some sort of antidote for the food poisoning we're sure to receive?
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Attempt # 3:
“Hey, Akane. Do you need any help?” Ranma offered as he entered the room.
“Do you even know how to cook?” asked Akane.
“Yeah, but Pops don’t like it. He thinks it’s too womanly.”
Akane began to laugh… she just couldn’t help it. “But you do turn into a woman.”
“Do you want my help or not?”
“No, I’m fine.”
Ranma sighed and left the kitchen. It wasn’t his fault he knew how to cook. Genma's cooking skills were mediocre. Besides, how else would they survive on the open road?
Though he'd better find an escape route....
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Attempt # 4:
“Hey, Akane!” greeted Pinkie. “Do you need some help?”
“No, I’m fine.” Akane was persistent.
“Okay…” Pinkie then bounced her way out of the kitchen before popping up again, “Then do you want me to sing my song again?”
“No… no… I’m fine…” Akane thought she was used to Pinkie, but apparently she was wrong… bursting out into random songs… was just weird…
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Attempt # 5:
“Akane do you need any help?” squeaked out Fluttershy. There was a small silence. Akane stared at the timid Pegasus who started blushing at the staring. “Well since you don’t need me…” The Pegasus then left.
“Wait…” Akane was about to say, but it was too late. A sweat drop then appeared on her head, “I was going to say yes…”
Yep. Everyone's doomed to suffer tonight.
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As everyone waited for dinner to be ready they were panicking or planning…
“Do you have the escape routes all set?” asked Ranma.
“Almost,” replied Rainbow Dash.
“You two are not going to run away,” said Twilight, overhearing their plans.
“You know, if you wanted to, you can join in…” Twilight was tempted by this offer. Really, really tempted.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we give Rarity all of our food when Akane’s not looking?”, suggested Pinkie Pie.
“I can’t do that,” the fashionista protested, “I’m trying to watch my weight.” That made everyone sweat drop.
“Or we can always run…” Rainbow Dash said, once again tempting Twilight.
But before the bookish unicorn could give her answer, Akane had arrived. Carrying a large tray of food. Or at least they thought it was food. The only thing that looked even close to being food was the salad, and to be honest it didn’t look good, no one was sure but it appeared to have chunks of wood in it.
“Is anyone hungry?” the youngest Tendo sister asked, giving a smile. And for some reason, it was a very charming smile. So charming that anyone who sees it loses the heart to refuse.
“Of course I’m hungry,” replied Ranma, his eyebrow twitching in absolute terror. He gulped, grabbed his chopsticks, used them to grab something, and bit into what he guessed was a croquette.
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Sometime later…
“Is anyone home?” asked Cologne. Once again, she was at her restaurant during dinner and thus had been speared from the disaster that has happened (again) at the Tendo Residence.
“We’re up here!” came Rarity’s voice from upstairs.
Cologne came into the room and saw that all of its residents were in the guest room, which had been temporarily formed in a way that it was now like a hospital ward, with Rarity doing her best to act as the nurse. “Oh dear.”
“That’s your only response?” asked Ranma, who then grabbed a bucket to vomit in, “Oh dear?”
“I can tell you’re not feeling well so I’m going to ignore that. Where’s Akane?”
Rarity pointed to the corner where the disaster chef was crouched, the air black around her.
“Don’t worry, sugar cube," assured Applejack as she lay near Akane. "I’m sure next time you’ll let someone help you.”
Akane turned around, glared at Applejack, then turned back to the wall.
“Oh darling, you should be glad that it didn't turn out worse,” Rarity attempted to comfort her, “I mean, at least you didn’t burn AND liquefy toast.”
“That’s not even possible.” yelled Akane, glaring at the unicorn.
“No, it’s possible.” Rarity then mumbled under her breath. “Somehow…”
And while it was unsaid, everyone knew that they had to watch Akane like a hawk from now on whenever she made food. Because that was the only way to escape the food poisoning. On the bright side, if he got a good night’s rest, Ranma and Akane would be going on the date the next day.