Yaerfaerda

by Imploding Colon


Here's Some Ret For Your Con

“Spike.,” Princess Celestia said. “Take a note, please.”

The baby dragon dutifully produced a pen and parchment. While the alicorn Matriarch spoke, he carefully wrote her words down. Several curious ponies listened as Celestia's voice majestically filled the air of Ponyville.


“I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue her study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville.”

A lavender mare gasped. Within seconds, several more ponies flocked to her, hugging her and smiling.

The residents of Ponyville cheered and reared their hooves in celebration. Along the fringe of the crowd, a lone stallion trotted, craning his neck to see what all of the commotion was about. At last, with much effort, he squeezed his way between two other ponies and stared at the group hug taking place right before Celestia.

“Oh thank you, Princess Celestia!” a glossy-eyed unicorn said, her face awash in a deep, loving smile. “I'll study harder than ever before!”

Her new friends giggled and nuzzled her harder. One was a petite pegasus with blue coat and a rainbow mane.

The stallion blinked from afar. A brief flicker of green flame rippled across his eyes. Gazing left and right, he slowly backed out of the crowd... and made himself scarce.


The entire stadium erupted in cheers.

A mare in the audience looked all around, gawking at the throngs of Cloudsdalians clapping their hooves and flapping their wings in jubilation. Down below, she watched as the last young flier lifted back up to the misty stage. A white unicorn and and three unconscious Wonderbolts dangled from the pegasus' heroic limbs. Several other pegasi flew in, relieving the flier of the weight of those she was carrying. When the blue mare touched down on the stadium's platform, she looked up, gaping in shock at the thunderous applause that she was receiving.

“I did it...” The pegasus could be heard as she smiled incredulously at herself. “I did it!”

The unicorn dangling in front of her spoke in an emotional tone, “You sure did! Oh thank you, Rainbow Dash! You saved my life!”

The pegasus blinked. “Oh yeah. I did that too.” She smiled victoriously and pumped her forelimb in the air. “Best day ever!”

Another loud cheer rippled through the crowd as confetti and streamers flew.

The mare in the crowd kept gazing at the young pegasus, watching in green-eyed silence as she eventually won the award for Best Young Flier, congratulated personally by Princess Celestia herself.


A well-dressed stallion in a top-hat stood inside Canterlot Palace, sipping on a container of punch while a bustling crowd of ponies filled the Gala around him.

“So, as you can see,” a mare in a yellow and red dress pontificated before him. “Scientific studies clearly prove that life on the dark side of the plane is impossible to survive.” The mare fluffed her indigo mane. “The only harmony in this world extends from the glory of Princess Celestia. It would seem logical that no civilization exists beyond the boundaries of the outlying Equestrian wilderness.”

“Hmmm...” The stallion smiled, a slight flicker of green lustre highlighting his pupils. “A most interesting conclusion. But, tell me...” He sipped on his straw and leaned back. “If Equestria was the only nation of sentient equines on the entire plane, then wouldn't that seem like an awful waste of space—?

WHAMMM! A grinning blue pegasus in a rainbow dress headbutted him from behind.

“Waaaaaaaa-aaaaieee!” the stallion flailed, his monocle and top hat falling off as his body sailed across the banquet hall. Elegant ponies gawked at his awkward flight.

However, before he could crash hard into the tile floor, a slick blue figure blurred across the hallway and skidded to a stop directly beneath the stallion, catching him safely in outstretched wings.

“Ooomf!” He winced, struggling to maintain his physical form as he shivered atop her.

The mare smirked at him, then glared devilishly across the banquet hall. She noticed several uniformed Wonderbolts with their flanks to the scene, completely oblivious. An angry quiver ran through her hooves. Then, with a frustrated buck of her legs, she shook the stallion off her back.

“Ugh!” He fell on his back, legs sticking up into the air. He craned his neck to see the mare trotting off with a flounce of rainbow skirts. “.... … ...”


"Everypony just chillax and keep on with your awesome lives," Rainbow Dash eventually said. Her smile was a hollow thing, as dull and gray as the day that hung over the center of Ponyville. She trotted slowly across the grass, putting more and more distance between herself and the concrete vault formed over the chaos rift in the heart of the town. “The Princesses are giving their all to keep this place up and running. Don't forget to thank them, and don't forget to—"

Cheerilee burst through the crowd, giving Rainbow Dash a deep hug. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash. You and only you..."

Rainbow Dash winced. She rested in Cheerilee's embrace, speaking while all sad eyes rested on her. “I haven't... I haven't done anything, not yet, at least. I just need to catch a heavy wind and—”

"We know, Rainbow Dash," Cheerilee said as she trotted back and nodded. "And we understand. That's why we put something together."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Who's we?" She looked down to see several schoolfoals trotting up, in the center of which was Apple Bloom.

"We know that yer goin' far, far away, Rainbow Dash. So we all put our bits and minds together and came up with this little scrapbook. T'ain't much, but we think it will help you feel like yer back home, no matter where you might be."

Rainbow took the book from the filly. No sooner had she opened it that she winced and slapped the green tome shut. Forcing a fragile smile, the pegasus said, “That's... that's really, really nice of you dudes. Thanks. I mean it. I'll keep this thing with me as long as I can."

From beyond the crowd, a mare stood, gazing at a distance. It was difficult to stand still, for the air was thick with anguish and melancholy. Nevertheless, the drone fought her way through the waves of empathic intensity, watching for what would happen next with green-eyed diligence.


“When I sensed the spirit of chaos being snuffed out in the west, I sought an answer... an explanation,” Queen Chrysalis said, her vaporous breath wafting through the prison bars. “I did everything I could to figure out what had happened. Ultimately, I knew that I would have to wait to commune with the thoughts and sensations picked up by my drones in Equestria.”

“Did...” Rainbow blinked, her trembling motions having calmed. “...did they somehow outfly me?”

“No. But their memories attempted to,” the mutant alicorn replied. “My Hive Mind was a powerful thing... but it still met resistance with space, time, and energy. As a matter of fact, if you hadn't been detained in the dragon lands west of Ledomare, I might never have found the opportunity to intercept you in the first place.”

Rainbow gulped. “Silvadel...”

“When at last the information my hatchlings uncovered reached me, I discovered that the chaos in Equestria hadn't entirely been snuffed out. It had simply been... stifled. Reduced. And, what's more, it was now trapped in a vessel... a vessel that was heading in my direction.” Her fangs glistened in the cold torchlight. “A vessel that I assumed could have been bent to manifest my own will...”

“How...” Rainbow cocked her head aside. “...how did you know that I was headed east?” Her eyes narrowed. “I mean—all the way east?”

“I very easily might not have,” Chrysalis said. “Fortunately, I had trained my children well. One drone was capable of testing the waters, so to speak. Once the collective memories had reached it, the hatchling was in the right time and place to speak directly with you... and read your emotions.”

“This...” Rainbow gulped. “This wasn't in Equestria, was it?”

“No.” The Queen shook her head. “But it was close.”


“The Grand Choke, they call it,” Red Turnip said, staring across the campfire at the other ponies gathered in the middle of a forest. “All ponies living west of it know that it was once the home to an ancient race of equines. What ponies east of the Grand Choke name the place, nopony knows, because no single living thing has been known to cross it. It is a grand desert, full of indescribably large creatures and beasts that could swallow a grown stallion whole.”

Rainbow Dash and the stallions of Windthrow sat in a circle with their meals, listening to the speaking equine. In the distance, Gold Petals quietly and dutifully examined their supplies, remaining silent in her unassuming masculine garb.

“But what could be worth guarding in that arid wasteland?” Red Turnip thought aloud. “Could it be treasure? A magical tome with the key to immortal life? Every adventurer who's attempted piercing that landscape has not come back alive. Those who are wiser and wish to keep their lives intact know to travel far south and skirt the edges of the Grand Choke to get to the Great Sea beyond. But with each passing day, the borders of the Grand Choke stretch wider and wider. If somepony doesn't go into the heart of that desert and steal what dark essence empowers it, then maybe...” He squinted across the way, his eyes making contact with Rainbow Dash. “...in the far distant future—even these lands will be covered in arid blight.”

The petite pegasus blinked. Against the dark fabric of night, she smirked devilishly, and the tips of her feathers fluttered with many a tantalizingly brave thought.

Red Turnip smirked back as he reveled in the waves of courageous emotion. As the firelight between them flickered, it highlighted a green tint to his pupils that was there and gone again.

Ironhoof grumbled, “That is the most epic sample of balderdash I've had the poor fortune of being exposed to.”

The air filled with chuckles.

Red Turnip cleared his throat and spoke, “That's because you don't know how to stretch your ears to something worth being awestruck about,” he dared in a raspy voice. “I've been to the edge of the Grand Choke.” He made eye contact with Rainbow again. “It is not a pleasant place...”


Rainbow Dash's hooves scuffled against the dungeon floor as she got up and paced around.

Queen Chrysalis craned her neck, watching in curious silence.

Rainbow trotted in furious circles, then shuffled to a stop. Her wings stretched and relaxed, and eventually she muttered, “There is no way to pass the Grand Choke from the south, is there?”

“If my children had suggested otherwise, would you have sought such a fictitous passage out?” Chrysalis asked.

Rainbow gritted her teeth. At last, she muttered, “No.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Because I'm stupid,” she muttered.

“Or, perhaps, the anomalous friction between chaos and harmony within you has empowered you to do only that which is most dangerous, most courageous, most daring.” Chrysalis' eyes narrowed. “There's a reason why I concluded that you could be of use to me, Rainbow Dash. You're a very powerful pony. You're the last Element that exists from the Harmonic land of Equestria. You seek death, and yet—in everything you do—you spread life. That makes you the quintessential wildcard. When projected memories of your exploits reached me via the Hive Mind, I knew that I had to draw you towards Xona.”

“And draw me, you did...” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. She turned towards her, and for once she couldn't decide whether to smile or scowl. In a way, she did both. “Ironhoof was right... that was the most epic sample of balderdash I could have been exposed to.”

“And yet, you were exposed. And here you are.”

“Is anything that the drone said even remotely true?” Rainbow asked. “About... giant creatures... and a dark essence? Within the Grand Choke, I mean”

Chrysalis was silent.

Rainbow slowly raised an eyebrow.

“That hatchling only knew a fraction of what I knew, Rainbow Dash,” Chrysalis said. “When I crossed the Grand Choke, it was as swiftly as possible, for—even in that place of oblivion—I feared that Verlax would be on my tail. And if she caught up with me, all of the Hive would be at risk of being devoured completely. When I arrived in Val Roa, I had to hatch four times as many broodlings as I had ever laid before, because the entire nest was nearly wiped out, consumed with the journey.” She gulped. “Consumed by me.”

Rainbow Dash tried not to shudder. She failed.

“I believed whole-heartedly in the quest to reinforce my sister Tchern's army,” Chrysalis said. “And that hope alone was what carried me across the Grand Choke.” The Queen slowly shook her head. “I cannot fathom what—besides sheer luck or the grace of Harmony—could help you survive your trip through the Choke and past the gaze of Verlaxion in Rohbredden beyond.”

Rainbow exhaled. “Neither do I...” Her gaze hardened. “...but I know a good place to start.”