How can I solve a murder case when I know my client killed the victim? Once again, Princess Celestia hired me for an impossible case: Find Pinkamina Diane Pie innocent of the murder of Moe Dirt. On top of that, the trial is set for tomorrow. I can understand a teacher having faith in her student, but the princess having faith in her student’s friend?
When I think about it, I guess I never really saw Pinkie Pie murder Mr. Dirt. She was talking to us when the cannon went off. There has to be some kind of explanation for this where Pinkie is innocent.
First things first, though. Go speak with my client in the Detention Center. I have to know if Pinkie had any previous contact with Mr. Dirt in any way to incriminate or give her a motive to kill him.
When I arrived, I didn’t know what to expect. The same receptionist was there ready to give me another piece of her mind.
“Well I’ll be. Showing your face here again. I heard you found Princess Twilight not guilty. Good for you, I guess.” That’s another thing. Ever since the trial I noticed this place doesn’t socially follow the rule ‘innocent until proven guilty.’ It’s more like guilty until proven innocent. “I guess you’ll be seeing the new criminal today?” She continued.
“My client is innocent, Miss. And yes, I’d like a word with her.”
“You know the drill, Communication Room 1.” She pointed to the direction of the room. “And another little advice. There are so many eye witnesses to this case, do you really think you can convince all of them that they were wrong? You many convince people of a murder that no one saw, but this is different.”
“I guess we’ll see how it plays out.” I replied coolly. I had no idea what tomorrow was going to be like. A new prosecutor meant nothing was going to be the same. What stallion could ever take the place of a successful prosecutor with such an impressive win streak?
When I entered the room Pinkie Pie was already there, jumping and hopping around. This pony’s thrown one too many parties. Two too many if you consider the murder a surprise party for Twilight. Now if I could get her to stand still I could ask her some questions.
“Ms. Pie. As you may or may not know, I am to be your defense attorney tomorrow.”
She laughed. It was kind of creepy, her being in the Detention Center laughing and having a grand old time. “Okay. Thanks Mister!” Her voice was so cheery.
I tried to use a very grave tone. “I need to ask you a couple questions… Ms. Pie please sit still, you’re giving me a head ache.” How could she even move around like that? It was like she was breaking every law of physics or something.
She replied with a giggle and a “Sorry.”
“Now, what sort of motive would you have for killing Mr. Dirt? Have you met him before?”
“No. I never met the guy. And I didn’t kill him either.”
“Then why did your cannon go off?”
“Don’t ask me. It was filled with confetti. I don’t know of anyone who can die by confetti.” She laughed at herself. She had a point though.
Nothing is adding up. If she’s had no previous contact with Moe Dirt and the murder weapon wasn’t set up by her, then did she really kill him? Was she set up? Or was she lying? Either way, she knows nothing and I’m making no progress here.
“Thank you, Ms. Pie. If you’ll excuse me I need to conduct my investigation elsewhere now.”
“Oh, okay,” there was disappointment in her voice. “I’ll just be here if you need to see me again. Don’t be a stranger.”
She’s a social creature for sure. Without other pony interaction, she’s lost. I wish I could help her, but it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to comfort her AND find her innocent.
My next stop was the crime scene. It’s almost ironic that a murder occurred in a court room lobby for the trial of murder cases. Regardless, if I can’t make any connections or find any leads there, I’ll be the one lost.
Inside was a frantic mess of police. Every pony was yelling and having conversations about the crime scene. Not many court cases happen nowadays, so I’m such every officer showed up. It’s really a time of peace in Equestria. Sure, you could consider a few incidents, such as the ones with Nightmare Moon, Discord, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, and Tirek not ideal for peace, but no pony was murdered. Now, two cases, back to back, both dealing with a murder. Could this be the end to all of the peace?
As I walked towards the crime scene a familiar face stopped me in my tracks.
“What’d I say ‘bout showin’ ya face yesterday, pal!” Blackjack yelled over all other conversations between the investigators.
I wanted to play nice with Blackjack so he would let me investigate, but I knew that wouldn’t resonate with him. Good guys finish last, at least I did during the last investigation. I decided to act on his barbaric level.
“The physical and verbal threats placed on me?” I asked, questioning what he had said to me that night. “Well, I just compared them to the suffering an innocent mare would have to face if I had let imitation rule my spirit. It was the easiest decision of my life, Detective. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a parallel episode unfolding right before me as we speak.”
Blackjack chuckled, “You got guts, kid. But you don’t talk to a superior like that.” He pulled his hoof back for a punch.
“I would try that again, Detective. You are aware of who I report to, don’t you?”
Fear shot through his eyes. Not even a rough and tough bat pony would want to tango with the princesses. With his ego deflated, he trotted off.
Harassment in the work place. What he doesn’t know is that I filled out a report of assault for the first investigation. I had leverage on him where he had none.
I first wanted details on the murder weapon: Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. From what Twilight said when she briefed me on the case, the thing only shoots confetti. But, it was capable of firing a lone, dense cannonball. This is assumed based on the fact that Mr. Dirt died from point blank cannon fire. Some pony must have replaced the confetti with the cannonball. However, after talking to the investigation team, the cannonball was missing.
The only solid evidence the prosecution would have would be the fact that it is Pinkie’s cannon, and her hoof prints are the only ones on the cannon. Sadly, that would be enough to incriminate her. Plus, I have no way to counter that right now.
But if Pinkie didn’t have a motive, the prosecution doesn’t have a case. Only the true killer must have had a pure motive. I’ll have to dig into Mr. Dirt’s current work to find out if he had any negative connections to any pony.
I didn’t know what to expect when I got to Mr. Dirt’s office. There were no police or investigators. A gold mine, full of clues going unnoticed. Perfect!
The door was unlocked. Strange. I guess officers had been here before me and already left? I took the liberty to rummage through his files. He had accepted many court cases. All of them were given a guilty verdict. Maybe one of these verdicts hadn’t sat well with the true killer. I saw nothing about Pinkie Pie in the filing cabinet, though. A dead end for the prosecution.
I went through his desk next. I was stopped by two folders on top, though. One file read: “Cupcakes.” I opened the folder to find one of my worst fears: a motive for Pinkie Pie to murder Mr. Dirt.
Inside was a detailed report on a lead to a different murder case. It said that a pink Earth pony was believed to have a slaughter house under Sugar Cube Corner. There, she would cut up fillies and grind their flesh into cupcakes, which she would then sell to customers.
This form of cannibalism surely hadn’t been prolonged, right? This must be a false lead. But I checked the date it was written: the same date as Princess Twilight’s trial. Mr. Dirt must have just received this report before taking the stand. He must have read over it and decided it was next on his list. This could very well mean that Pinkie Pie could be a murderer! I’ll have to confront her and investigate Sugar Cube Corner later.
The other file was very vague. It wasn’t really a lead, more of a foot note. It was describing a pony with three balloons as a cutie mark playing pranks on other ponies around Ponyville. It was a description given by a witness to an incident where this pranking pony had scared an elderly mare, given her a heart attack, and died later the same day. Could this have been Pinkie Pie, too? I’ve never heard of two ponies having the same cutie mark. A detail like that can’t be proven false.
I couldn’t find anything else important in his office. These cases Mr. Dirt had accepted... who else knew about them? The door was unlocked. If the prosecution had already made copies… The only thing to do now is to disprove these and head over to Sugar Cube Corner in Ponyville.
Just looking at the place could give you cavities. The restaurant looked like it was made with the baked goods they would sell. Does that mean you could be consuming construction material? Anyway, I entered through the door to find three ponies in mid conversation.
Their coats were were blue, orange, and red. The blue mare and the orange stallion were wearing aprons, so they must have been the owners, but the red pony was wearing shades and a leather overcoat. The hood of the coat made his face impossible to see. Could he be another detective like Blackjack?
The owners notice me when I walked in and welcomed me. They tried to explain they were closed for the day. However, I had other interests.
“Sorry,” I replied. “I’m not here to buy any desserts. I’m here on business: the murder trial of Mr. Dirt.”
The two owners introduced themselves as Mr. and Mrs. Cake. The red pony didn’t move or motion to introduce himself. He just stood there, observing me.
“We can’t offer much,” Mr. Cake explained. “We only know that Pinkie Pie is not the kind of pony to murder some pony.”
“Actually, I was wondering if I could check your basement.”
The owners exchanged glances then looked at the red pony. “That’s funny,” Mrs. Cake replied. “This pony asked the same question before you walked in.”
That could only mean one thing. He had to be…
“So,” I addressed the strange pony. “You must be the prosecutor for tomorrow’s trial.”
The pony just stood there for a while. He took a step towards the door, about to leave when I yelled, “Hey! Who are you? Answer me!”
The only response I could get out of him was a muffled, “You’re a lawyer. Figure it out for yourself.”
After that strange encounter, the Cakes allowed me access to the basement. Unlike the report, the basement was not full of torture weapons and meat grinders, Thank Celestia. I took pictures as proof. I searched for any possible secret doors, hollow walls, just about anything that could be hidden and cause suspicion. However, I came to the conclusion that the report wasn’t total bull.
This obviously made the Cakes question my actions. I told them everything I found at Mr. Dirt’s office. Their faces grimaced at the thought of a meat factory under their candy shop. I promised I wouldn’t leak this to the public. If I did, their shop reputation would plummet. However, I don’t think I can keep it a secret during the trial. That other stallion... he knew about the basement. He knew about this report. Why the door was open… it was him. He beat me to the punch. I bet he was even on the same train as I was on the way to Ponyville.
Either way, it doesn’t matter. There was no proof that Pinkie Pie had murdered any pony before. I also asked the Cakes about the footnote, the one about scaring an elderly mare to death. They said they knew nothing about the incident. They were told she had died from natural causes. The same story was bound to be repeated around town, so that is even more evidence to help my case. I thnked them for their time and left.
I couldn’t do any more investigating Ponyville, so I decided to head back to the Detention Center in Canterlot. I needed another word with Pinkie Pie.
When she entered the room she wasn’t herself. She was depressed from the court case, literally. Her hair was deflated and straight, her happy-go-lucky glow seemed to be dark and gloomy, her eyes were droopy, she seemed tired which, compared to earlier today, was a big personality change.
“Ms. Pie, I’d like to talk to you about the details of this case.”
All she could manage was a saddening glare and the words, “I’m guilty.”
My heart sank. Was she serious? Is that why her attitude had changed? Had she come to terms with the murder she committed?
“Ms. Pie, you can be serious. You’re not the type of pony to murder.”
“Well, I did. And I am.”
What lies have the interrogation team fed her? Have they convinced her that she’s guilty?
“Then what motive did you have for killing Mr. Dirt?” She was silent. I knew it. She’s not giving her motive because she didn’t have one.
“The man in there said I wanted to kill Mr. Dirt because he was trying to get Twilight a guilty verdict. And he’s right. I didn’t want him to die, hay no. But, I didn’t want him to hassle either you or Twilight. I’m not even sad that he’s dead. I deserve to be found guilty I’m sorry.”
“Pinkie stop talking,” I said quickly and quietly before she could continue. I continued talking in a hushed voice. “You don’t need to be found guilty to feel better about apathy for the guy. You didn’t know him, you weren’t attached to him, and so it’s natural for you not to care. It doesn’t make you a murderer. Now before I continue our chat, tell me, did you purposefully kill Mr. Dirt!”
She stared at the floor like Twilight did, as if she were guilty. Twilight was guilty for lying to me about killing someone. Pinkie was experiencing the same feelings, lying to me.
“Thanks, Mr. Dice,” She said softly. “No, I didn’t kill any pony.”
“Don’t scare me like that Pinkie,” I sighed. “Now, I have to ask you about this report I found on Mr. Dirt’s desk. It contains a criminal lead, and you’re identified as the criminal.”
Pinkie looked at me confused. “Huh? I haven’t killed any pony in my life.” That’s not what you were preaching a few seconds ago… “First they think I killed Mr. Dirt, now they think I’ve killed some pony else?”
“Here,” I handed the report to Pinkie, “I’ll let you read it. It won’t sink in if I just explained it to you.”
She read the file, her face becoming more and more shocked and horrified. “I would never…! Why would someone say this about me? Every pony loves my parties!”
“There is one more little tidbit that I wanted you to see.” I handed her the fact about the elderly pony who was scared to death by a prankster with a triple balloon cutie mark.
“This isn’t me either. Dashie and I would prank people, true, but we would never prank any pony who couldn’t handle it. Especially not the elderly. We know our limits.”
Seemed like a contradiction: Responsible pranking? I’ll let it slide. But who was Dashie? I’ll have to ask after this ordeal is over. Priorities, Star. “Did you know this pony?”
“No. The name sounds familiar, though. I thought she died of natural causes.” Mr. and Mrs. Cake said the same thing.
“That doesn’t seem like the case any longer.”
“Sorry I haven’t much help,” Pinkie Pie said with a sigh. I realized all the parties in the world couldn’t cheer up this pony. Only a not guilty verdict could. Then, maybe after, she would throw all the parties in the world.
“You were a lot of help, Pinkie. Thanks for your time.”
I started to walk off when she ask one more question. “Will I be found guilty tomorrow?”
The question hit me hard. I had no leads, just counters. If that red pony could bring up one piece of evidence I couldn’t counter, it was game over. But, you can’t just sit ideally by and let your client worry. That’s one of the rules to a defense attorney. No matter how tough or bleak the trial ahead looks, you keep a smile all of the way through it.
I told her, “If you didn’t kill Mr. Dirt, then you have nothing to worry about.”
I gave her a smile and trotted back to the castle. I had to give my report to Princess Celestia.
As I walked, several thoughts flew through my head. Who was the red prosecutor? Who had really killed Mr. Dirt? Why was Pinkie Pie being framed? Had I found all of the evidence needed to win tomorrow?
Before I knew it I was standing in front of Princess Celestia ready to give my report. Although she said I had done good work today, I knew it wasn’t good enough. I had only scrapped the surface of this case, I was going in unprepared. Some pony’s life was on the line and I couldn’t get my act together to investigate more.
The princess knew I was upset and told me not to worry and that everything would work out. I’ve placed my trust in her so many times, but now, I just not sure.
I didn’t get the best night of sleep, but it was all I had to work with. The thought of Pinkie being a maniacal filly killer and feeding those cupcakes to innocent ponies made me wasn’t to vomit and cry. But, I knew nothing like that could ever exist, right?
Pinkie Pie was sitting with me in the waiting lobby. Unfortunately, the crime scene tape could be seen from the waiting chairs, and that was the center of Pinkie’s attention. Her hair was still deflated and her depression was still full blown. I could only help by presenting a not guilty, but it wasn’t going to be easy. It never seems to be.
The guards called our names. Time to shine.
It was the same old court room, the same old bleachers, and the same old judge. The only thing new was the prosecutor. I never had figured out who he was. I’m sure his name will come up in casual conversation… during a murder trial.
The judge slammed his gavel twice on his desk. “Court is now in session. Is the defense ready?”
“The defense is ready, Your Honor.” What would ever happen if I said I wasn’t?
“And is the prosecution ready?”
The prosecutor took his precious time with answering. After one minute passed he replied “Yes.”
The judge and I exchanged looks. We were both thinking the same thing: Who IS this pony?!
The judge requested the red pony to remove his garments and state his name to the court. “This is your first case after all.”
His first case and he’s this calm? Impressive. Maybe I had more in common with him than I thought.
The pony removed the shades, coat, and hood to reveal some pony I thought I’d never see as a prosecutor: Garnet Ore.
First off, Garnet is a girl. Not a guy. To be honest, a red coat is pretty uncommon today. The only other pony it could have been was Big Macintosh. So the whole, ‘oh, you’re a girl’ factor was resonating with every pony. But we have a past.
We both went to college together. You could say we were close, but really she was far too advanced to have any classes with me. We both decided to become lawyers. The only problem was that I became a defense attorney and she became a prosecutor. That kind of put a tension on the friendship, which later turned into a rivalry.
Fast forward to today. Just like mock trials back in college, we were about to butt heads. Only real people were one the line and we weren’t working for a grade. It didn’t give me much confidence that I never won one of those mock trials…
Once the judge recovered from the shock and awe of the fact that Garnet was a girl, he asked again, “Can we have your name and occupation?”
She answered calm and coolly, “Garnet Ore. And, Your Honor. I’m not some witness taking the stand. You know my occupation from where I stand.”
“Errm. Right. Well. Please give your opening statements on the trial.”
Garnet started off with her prepared speech. “Yesterday, Pinkie Pie entered this building with the false intention to throw a little ‘You’re not guilty!’ party. However, this flimsy alibi can easily be disproven. The true intention of the defendant was to murder the man who was hot on her tail to discovering her little secret. By disposing of the only man capable of uncovering her truth, she would be scot free. However, now she finds herself sitting in court facing different charges. By this trials end, she will be punished for both her murder, and her disturbing past.”
Interesting. Unlike Mr. Dirt, Garnet isn’t going to keep anything up her sleeve. Upfront as usual.
“The defense may state its opening remarks know,” The judge said.
“Thank you. Today, we have an unfortunate trial. An innocent mare is being tried for a crime she did not commit. And as we waste time here today, realize that the real murderer runs lose. I believe that the innocence of my client will shine through the darkness you currently view of her.” And with that I returned control to Garnet. Old rivals revived. Let’s see where this goes.
The judge ordered the head investigator to take the stand and provide all of the evidence for the trial.
Of course, Blackjack and been the investigator again. He stated his name and occupation, just as any pony would, gave me his fair share of glares, and proceeded the give his report.
“Th’ scene of th’ crime was pretty ugly. Not to mention th’ mental and emotional toll of havin’ to investigate the murder of ya’ boss. He died from a massive impact: cannon fire. Th’ death was instant. He was in no pain.”
I realized now, this wasn’t the same, burly jerk who threatened to beat me into a hay burger every time I met him. This Blackjack actually was genuine. He showed feelings other than hate and anger. It was almost like Mr. Dirt was one of the only friends he had. He truly missed that prosecutor.
Don’t worry Blackjack. I’ll find the true killer. Even if you think the killer is Pinkie, I’ll prove you wrong. And I will bring justice.
Blackjack continued his report. “Th’ murder weapon, as ya’ may already know, is Pinkie Pie’s cannon. It was surrounded by confetti when we found it, but we cannot tell if it was fired with or separate from the cannonball. Ms. Pie’s hoof prints are all over th’ cannon, and only her hoof prints were found on it. This should be proof enough that she‘s guilty.”
That was it? Pretty short. There’s no way hoof prints on a personal cannon could convict Pinkie of murder. Garnet was planning something. Like I said, Garnet has cards up her sleeve.
“The defense may have its counter examination now.”
Okay, start off with the obvious: details. “This cannonball you believe killed Mr. Dirt. Where is it now?”
Blackjack glared at me. “We don’t have it. In fact th’ thing was never found.”
I thought I would get the first objection, but…
“Objection!” Garnet spoke. “Mr. Dice, I know where you are going with this. You believe that since we have no evidence that a cannonball killed Mr. Dirt that we must strike it from the report.”
She was exactly correct. “Yes,” I replied. “Why shouldn’t it?”
“My, my. I thought you were smarter than this Mr. Dice.” A chill went down my spine. She was far too calm and confident. It was creepy. “First of all, what else could have killed Mr. Dirt? If you’re insinuating the confetti, then you are incriminating your client even further. She would have easier access to condensed confetti than a cannonball. I did you a favor here, Mr. Dice. One glimmer of mercy. It won’t happen again.”
I didn’t know what to feel. She had prepared a trap and disassembled it right in front of me. I have to be more selective in what I ask.
“R-right. Umm. So, Detective Blackjack…”
“Whaddaya want?!”
I jumped a little. “The last statement you said, ‘That should be proof enough that she’s guilty.’ How can her hoof prints on her cannon prove her guilt? It’s her, cannon. The hoof print were acquired from previous use.”
“Objection! Mr. Dice. It is not the fact that her hoof prints are on the cannon, it’s the fact that no pony else’s hoof prints are on the cannon. This means the only pony to fire the cannon was Ms. Pie.”
The court room erupted into an uproar. So far it was very convincing that Garnet’s argument was better. The judge was about to crack his gavel to silence to court, but before Garnet yelled over the crowd, “HOWEVER!”
The court room became silent. She continued, “I agree with Mr. Dice. The evidence here is not enough to declare a verdict just yet. This is why we have a prepared witness.”
I should have known. Being in such a populated building, some pony was bound to see who shot Mr. Dirt. And now, with this witness, I can prove it wasn’t Pinkie Pie who was the killer.
“Will the defense please call forth its first witness?”
“The prosecution calls the eye witness, Flash Sentry, to the stand. He was on duty at the time and pursued the culprit.”
Flash Sentry? That name sounds familiar. I’ve heard it before, but where?
An orange Pegasus walked up to the stand. He was in uniform, but his dark blue mane was still visible. He had something to do with Twilight’s case, but I don’t remember what…
“State your name and occupation, please,” the judge asked.
He replied, “Flash Sentry. Royal guard to the late Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, Your Honor.” Now I remember. He was presumed to be the motive for the murders. But, really it was premature bad parenting… Too soon? Yeah, too soon.
“You may begin your testimony.”
“I was on guard that day for the trial of the murder of Princess Cadence. Without her to guard I had to keep myself busy, so that was the next best thing. I scanned the whole room several times in one minute and saw something very peculiar. A mare with a fluffy mane and tail had stuffed something into a cannon and light a match. Knowing Twilight’s friend is a party planner, I first considered the mare to be her. However, when the cannon went off and a dead body was lying there I decided to chase her.”
What? He actually followed the murderer?
“The culprit took several different turns through the hallways of the courthouse, but I found her trying to blend into a crowd talking to some very important people. I’m talking about Princess Celestia, Luna and Twilight.”
Once again the court room turned into a frenzy. Had Pinkie Pie really come from the cannon fire straight to us? How could some pony else have been chased and be replaced by Pinkie?
The judge slammed his gavel. “Order! Order, in the court. Is that all Mr. Sentry?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Mr. Dice. Your counter examination will now commence.”
“Mr. Sentry. You say that you saw a fluffy mane and fluffy tail on my client that day…”
“Objection! Mr. Dice, we all know where this is going. To prove that Ms. Pie was adorning said hair style and not the deflated do she has today, I will submit her mug shot as evidence. Now please, stop wasting our time.”
That’s one of her flaws I guess. She assumes too much. “Actually, I was about to ask if he could be more descriptive about the mare he chased. The hair was detailed, but any pony could have fluffy features.”
“I see,” the judge butted in. “Yes, Mr. Sentry. Please be more specific, would you?”
“Yes, sir. Like I had said before, I didn’t get a decent look at her. I was scanning the room constantly and was focused on several things at a time. I’ll see if I can do better.”
He can even say what pastel color this pony was? Something’s being hidden.
“The pony in question, she had three balloons printed on her flank: her cutie mark. She ran as fast as she could after the cannon went off.”
“Objection!” I couldn’t believe what he just said. “Wait a minute… Did I just here you right? She ran after the cannon fired?”
“Yes, why?”
Pinkie had been talking to me when the cannon went off that day. She really wasn’t the murderer. “Is there anything else that you can remember? Color maybe?”
“Well… at the time it was hard to tell.”
“Objection! Mr. Sentry, if you could see a bright pink pony running away from the crime scene then you are blind.”
“Objection!” Garnet called out. “Do not harass my witness, Mr. Dice.”
“Actually. I have a better theory. Mr. Sentry’s eyes were working fine that day. They just weren’t on the killer.”
“What are you getting at Mr. Dice?” Garnet asked.
“Mr. Sentry was preoccupied by staring at some pony else. And that some pony was Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
Flash’s eyes were darting back and forth. “Why would I be looking in her direction, I didn’t even see her there.”
Garnet face hoofed herself. “You’re just digging yourself a bigger hole, Mr. Sentry.” Flash gave her a confused look
I decided to explain. “Your contradictions keep piling up, Mr. Sentry. First you say you saw everything, but you didn’t know Princess Twilight was in the lobby and you couldn’t tell what color coat the killer had. So, which is it? You can answer that question by admitting you weren’t aware of your surroundings, or you can final give us the answer we want: Was the culprit pink!”
Flash looked down at the ground and admitted, “I didn’t see the killer.” After that the crowd became restless. “You’ve got me all wrong!” He yelled. I followed her! That’s how I saw her cutie mark and her hair style. It doesn’t matter what color she was, the killer is Pinkie Pie!”
“Objection!” Surprisingly it was Garnet, not me. When I looked over at her she was scowling at her witness. “Mr. Sentry. This is not how we do things here. Please, do not jump to any conclusions. Answer the questions you are asked and nothing more.” Flash looked back at the ground and nodded. “If the defense has no other questions…”
“I have one more thing, Mrs. Ore. The defendant said he chased the killer for some time after the cannon fire. I was there that day talking to Pinkie Pie before the murder.” I was suddenly interrupted by the crowd’s commotion. The judge had to quite them down for me to continue. “She had talked to me right before and up to the cannon fire. She couldn’t have been the one Mr. Sentry saw light the cannon.”
“Objection! This is cross examination, not a confessional. If you are not going to question the witness, then this cross examination is over.”
“The little tale was the prelude to my Question, Mrs. Ore. Now then, Mr. Sentry. Can you say, in your pursuit of the murderer, did you ever lose sight of her? “
Flash took a very long time to process and answer the question. He looked nervously at Garnet and answered, “Yes.”
The court room exploded with outrage. This information put everything back into question. Once the judge called every pony down I declared that the defense had finished it’s cross examination.
“Well nothing has really been determined here today, has it?” The judge asked. “I am not ready to cast judgment just yet. The amount of evidence against the defendant is severely lacking. However, there is still evidence against her. I issue another day for investigations. Bring more light to this murder by tomorrow. Court is adjourned.”
What a mess. I stopped Garnet from getting a quick victory. But without the identity of the real murderer, I can’t go any further.
Suddenly an angry voice sprouted from behind me, “What the hay was that Star?” It was Garnet.
“I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?”
“You tell me first,” Garnet insisted. “You were a flunky, barely got out of college, and here you are fighting me in court.”
“Yeah, your first case. I’ll have you know I’ve taken…”
“Another court case, yeah, yeah. I know. Everyone knows, Star,” Garnet finish my sentence, mockingly. “You got lucky. Moe would have mopped the floor with you. He just had this case on the brain. I’m not distracted. And we both know who graduated in the top ten percent of her class.”
Wait. Back track. How did she know what was on Mr. Dirt’s mind? Was she… “Moe Dirt. You two are connected somehow.”
“You catch on far too late. I was his apprentice. I accepted his role as a prosecutor when he died. Now I owe him the satisfaction of exacting justice on his killer, your client.”
“Hate to break it to you, but Pinkie can’t even kill a Parasprite. Someone else is behind this.”
“Nice try, Star. You know she’s guilty. You watch her kill him. You monster!” And with that, Garnet ran off in tears. Wow. Some reunion.
After the trial, I headed back to Princess Celestia to get her up to speed on the case. I had all day to do what? Find another lead? All I knew was that I was looking for a murderer. Sure, Flash had said she had the same cutie mark and same hair style, but all of that could have been a disguise. Still though. Where could she have gone? After losing Flash in the halls, how did she manage her escape? It’s impressive how an earth pony could have out run a member of the Royal Guard, too. Flash was a Pegasus, which means he was light weight, able to fly even with armor. His bones were hollow, or at least porous. I can’t accept he was out run by an Earth pony.
By that time I had reached the castle. After telling Princess Celestia about the trial she offered me a piece of advice. “Talk to Pinkie again. I believe the identity of the true killer lies with her.” I thanked her for her time and headed off to the Detention Center. Celestia hasn’t been wrong in her judgments yet. Let’s hope there isn’t a first time for everything.
Pinkie was still as sad as ever. Even the thought of being able to make the judge consider she wasn’t guilty hadn’t helped her depression. I didn’t want to stay long, I knew she thrived on social interaction, but I needed more time to find leads. I asked the obvious questions first.
“Are you sure who don’t know any pony who would frame you?”
“No pony, Mr. Dice.”
“Well, how about knowing of you? They knew how to mimic you pretty well.”
“Every pony in Ponyville knows who I am. I plan all of the parties. That’s why my cutie mark is of balloons.”
Cutie mark of balloons… To entertain the thought that this mare really was identical to Pinkie and had the same cutie mark, then this other pony must be a party pony as well. I guess that’s a lead.
“What about your equipment? This person must have known an awful lot about your party cannon to fire it. Wait… even worse. This pony contacted you to bring your cannon on that day. Twilight said she didn’t expect to found not guilty that day, but you said you showed up upon invitation. The murderer has contacted you through a letter. Do you know if the letter had a return address? Do you still have this letter?”
“It didn’t. I thought it was odd at first. But when I knew it was Twilight, I thought she was just being formally informal sending a letter with no return.” It wasn’t going to be that easy, huh?
“Well, back to the cannon. The murderer knew how to use it. How?”
“Beats me it’s of my own design. It doesn’t require a match and fuse. All it needs is a good push and it fires.”
“Pinkie, you realize that your hoof prints are the only ones on the cannon. That incriminates you…”
“But if she was wearing a disguise it wouldn’t leave any prints, right.”
“True. But Flash said the culprit lit a fuse. I wonder if he was still just distracted.”
“Beats me.”
“Thanks Pinkie. You’ve given me a lot to go on from.”
Pinkie nodded and trotted off back to her cell. Poor thing. But now I have to pursue two questions: Who’s a party pony like Pinkie and who knows how to operate a party cannon? I believe the answers would be where Pinkie Pie is known the best: Ponyville.
First thing I did when getting to Ponyville was check out the stores. There wasn’t a single party supplies store. Pinkie must be the sole provider for all parties. What a monopoly. But if there was another party pony, then some pony else would be try to obtain the monopoly. So, was it really a motive of money?
I wanted around a little more. I walked into a Prop and Gag store, thinking it was similar to a party store to do some investigating. The only pony in there was the cashier and a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane. I could help hear here mention to the cashier, “When Pinkie Pie comes back home, we’re gunna prank the hay out of every pony!”
I approached her, “Hey. You know my client, Pinkie Pie?”
She turned around and gave me a bewildered face. “Client? Are you that lawyer pony who’s supposed to be trying to get her out of jail? What the hay are you doing in a prankster’s store?!”
Apparently she was the pony Pinkie referred to as Dashie: Rainbow Dash. I explained to her my thought process on the court case thus far. She seemed to be listening for the most part. But I could tell she wasn’t paying attention for most of the story.
“So you need to find a pony who could look like Pinkie Pie? Beats me. There is no way a party could go on without Pinkie, but maybe, if you think the killer’s motive really was to earn the party business, then find a party today. The host has got to be the pony behind it. Personally, I wouldn’t put it behind Cheese Sandwich. That guys was out to get Pinkie. They made up, but… Just go look. I got pranks to plan!” And with that she flew off. I had a feeling I’d be seeing her again.
So that’s what I did. I trotted around town until I found a party. Surprisingly, I found one. It was a dinky little thing. None of the fillies looked like they were having fun. The birthday girl was with a Pegasus in whte clown makeup and a clown outfit. Tears were streaming from her eyes as the clown tried to contort its face into ‘funny’ shapes. I approached the clown to get more information. The outfit covered the cutie mark, tail and mane, so I couldn’t tell whether or not she had any features of the murderer.
As I approached, the clown noticed me. In the middle of her balloon animal making, she bolted for the exit. I had to chase after her and catch her. She obviously knew something! Once out of the backyard, the chase led into the market place of Ponyville. She was fast and I was losing her. I was about to give up the chase when her costume started to fall apart.
Her red, rubber nose fell off, revealing that her coat was actually pure white. It wasn’t makeup. Her costume top and bottom separated to reveal wings, and her pants fell far enough down where I could see her cutie mark: three party balloons.
The clown flew away in a desperate attempt to hide her identity further. I had what I needed: A pony who could be mistaken for Pinkie Pie. But it wasn’t going to be that easy. She needed a motive. And if I couldn’t figure that out, I had no case.
I decided there was nothing left for me to investigate in Ponyville, so I headed back to Cantorlot to conduct some research on the clown I saw. Apparently her name was Surprise. She was always in Pinkie Pie’s shadow, never really getting hired for parties. Based on what I saw today, I don’t blame any pony. See ran her own party supplies business, too. So my idea of taking Pinkie’s popularity was correct. But something wasn’t adding up. Why would she indirectly kill Mr. Dirt to get rid of Pinkie Pie?
I caught myself yawning and checked the time. The sun had gone down and the moon was high in the sky. I couldn’t do anymore research today. I spent all day following one lead and I can’t even call in a witness, let alone declare that I found the murderer and to put her on the stand.
Can’t worry about it now. Rest is top priority now. For Pinkie’s sake, I need to be ready to end this tomorrow.
“Well, I hope both the prosecution and defense found extra evidence for their case,” the judge said.
Garnet and I agreed and we started up again. Back to the grind
“Mrs. Ore. I assume you have another witness for today’s proceedings?”
“No, Your Honor.” Every pony looked at her, shocked. It’s a risky move, but she’s got a plan. “I do have a crisis report from Ponyville. It depicts an incident I which caused several copies of the defendant to rampage through the city. It’s the perfect alibi: to be in a different place than where the murder occurred. And with the Mirror Pool, she was able to go through with it. The explanation of how the two Pinkie’s weren’t next to each other after Mr. Sentry’s chase is also in the report. Princess Twilight Sparkle was able to send all copies back into the Mirror Pool with a spell. She must have used the same spell to send the copy back to the pond.”
“Objection! How can you say something so baseline?! Where is your proof? Call any of the princesses to the stand, they’ll testify that didn’t happen.”
“Mr. Dice,” the judge butt in, “You of all people should know that the princesses are very busy and cannot be placed on the stand unless charges are brought against them.”
Tricky Garnet… She found a way of to make such a ridiculous claim, but I think I can disprove the theory.
“Mrs. Garnet. You say it really was a Pinkie Pie that was able to out run Mr. Sentry, correct?”
“Mr. Dice. You cannot prove your client’s speed is slower than the murderer. I’m sure you’ve seen her special talent of committing act unexplainable by natural sciences. She could easily have done the same thing in this case.”
“If she was able to do what you say, why would she allow herself to be spotted on and off by Mr. Sentry? Clearly some pony of same speed was seen and chased by Mr. Sentry. And the only pony to equal a Pegasus’s speed is another Pegasus.”
The crowd stated to murmur. This was good. Momentum is picking up for my cause.
“Mr. Dice,” the judge but in. “Your reasoning is sound that a Pegasus was in the chase, but there are several different questions that now need to be answered. If you cannot explain everyone, I will be forced to cast judgment.”
We are nearing the end. If I mess up here, the outcome is going to be ugly.
“If Mrs. Garnet truly doesn’t have any other witnesses or theories then the floor is yours Mr. Dice.”
“On that day, some pony was disguised as my client. Her disguise was able to cover her hooves so she didn’t leave hoof prints on the cannon. The murderer had previous knowledge of the party cannon, which explains how she knew how to fire it. This culprit also had to be a Pegasus, seeing as how she was able to run as fast as another Pegasus. Their porous bones, like a birds, provide for great aerodynamic feats. The fact that she was a Pegasus also explains how she lost Mr. Sentry. He thought he was chasing an Earth pony, so he wouldn’t have check twice to see if the murderer had flown away.
Now that the confusion’s out of the way, I can get to alternative motive of the other killer. She obviously wanted Pinkie Pie out of the way to obtain all control and profit of all birthday party celebrations. Ponyville doesn’t have a party store, so Ms. Pie has made it her destiny to supply the small town with some joy on a special occasion. So the motive was money based.”
“Don’t keep us waiting, Mr. Dice,” Garnet said in a snide voice. “With all of this information you have found who you think is the real killer right? Well put her on the stand.”
“Alright. Your Honor, the defense calls Ms. Surprise to the stand.”
In walked a white Pegasus with a white coat and golden hair. She was the spitting image of Pinkie Pie, but with wings. Once the crowd saw the resemblance, they realized I might actually have a valid case.
“Witness, please present your name and occupation.”
“Surprise!” She said with a giggle. “That’s my name. And I’m currently unemployed at the moment.”
“Try to get back on your hooves is so hard these days. I’m sorry,” the judge said empathetically. I knew she was lying though. I needed to show the web of lies crafted by sin that has surrounded this winged insect.
“Oh, it’s okay. I’ve got tons of money in the bank. I’m practically rich!”
The silent noise of every ponies mouths collectively dropping echoed through the court room. She’s lying just to disprove the motive I have set. I need to prove her wrong. And to do that, “I wish that statement to be included in the testimony.”
“Strange request, Mr. Dice.” Garnet said slyly. She knew where I was going with that. And she knew how to trip me up, too.
“Well then. Ms. Surprise. Please tell us about what happened in this lobby two days ago.”
“Yesterday, huh? Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t here that day. Apparently a murder happened. That’s tragic. Who would solve problems with cannons? I solve them with parties.”
I was sweating bullets. How in Equestria am I going to find a loop hole in that? She’s pleading shear innocence. Not cool.
“Mr. Dice. Your cross-examination…”
“R-right.” Here goes nothing. “So, where were you on the day of the murder, Ms. Surprise?”
“Objection! That does not concern the present case. That question has been answer in the testimony.”
“Objection! I need specifics, Mrs. Ore, and you can’t deprive this court room the truth.”
Surprise smile and answered, “It’s okay. I was in Ponyville, where I live.”
“What were you doing there?”
“Objection! Mr. Dice I’ve played your game for far too long. Either explain yourself to the court or stop asking questions that has no relevance to this case.”
I can come back to this kind of question after I prove she is involved with the case. “Fine. Witness, how did you know there was a murder here two days ago if you were in Ponyville?”
“Well, since Pinkie Pie was the murderer, how couldn’t the new travel to her home town? Every pony who knows her knows odds and ends to this case. Probably some more than you, Mr. Dice.” Insulting me? How cocky could you get, lying on the stand and mocking me? It’ll catch up to her some time.
“So you know my client, Pinkie Pie. Is that correct?”
“Well, duh! She’s Ponyville’s party pony! Every pony knows her. If you want a party, she’s your pony.”
“So, you say you’re quit wealthy. Why live in Ponyville?”
“Objection! Mr. Dice, the nerve.” Garnet almost sounded personally hurt. “Are you implying that ponies in Ponyville aren’t wealthy?”
“I’m just wondering how she made her money. After all, there aren’t many lucrative professions in Ponyville.”
“Objection! ‘Just wondering’ is not proving her to be a murderer.”
“It’s okay,” Surprise said again, “I inherited the money from my parents.”
You have GOT to be kidding me.
The judge interrupted, “Mr. Dice, I cannot see any progress in this. You are obviously wrong in accusing Ms. Surprise as the murderer.” No! It can’t end like this! She standing right there and I can’t seem to prove her guilty.
“What?! You think I killed Mr. Dirt? How rude. I’ll have you know I entertain children all day. Would someone like that be a killer?”
The court room started booing me. They said insulting things like, “He knows Pinkie’s guilty” and “He’s stalling for time.”
“OBJECTION!” I yelled above the crowd. Suddenly my voice was just as effective as a gavel. “The defense wishes that statement to be added to the testimony.”
“Overruled. Mr. Dice, what does that statement have anything to do with the murder?”
“Because Ms. Surprise has been lying this whole time.”
“That’s a heavy declaration. Can you back it up with evidence?”
“Now I can. It was only time until you slipped up, witness. And here’s the ‘Caution: Wet Floor Sign.’ Why would you entertain children all day if you are rich AND unemployed?”
The court room was silent. However, Surprise had an answer for everything. “It’s my destiny, Mr. Dice. I have a cutie mark for parties. I throw parties in Ponyville for free. Why do you still believe I’m the murderer?”
“You’re still lying, Ms. Surprise. And I can prove it.”
“What? I’m not lying!”
“You aren’t? Because the last time I checked, Pinkie Pie was the only pony throwing parties in Ponyville. You said it yourself, ‘If you want a party, she’s your pony.’” If you are trying to give free parties to little fillies then why wouldn’t you suggest your own business?”
Surprise shot a quick glare at me. “I’ll admit, my parties aren’t great, but they’re free.”
“That also doesn’t make sense. Why would some pony throw a party for free? You can say all day that you do it for the children, but I don’t buy it. There’s an alternative motive.”
“What more could I want besides the joy of children?” Surprise asked.
“Well, that money you earned from your parents couldn’t last forever, so you decided to get your name around while you could with the best price: free. Once your competition was out of the way you would be the monopoly of parties in Ponyville. You framed Pinkie Pie for the death of Mr. Dirt so the competition would be out of the picture. That’s why you are the real killer!”
The court room went silent. Had I done it? Did I get through to every pony?
The silence was interrupted by a familiar shout, “Objection!”
“Don’t tell me that’s you theory of a motive for my client. She holds no ill will towards Mr. Dirt like your client does. Why would she go through all of the trouble to kill him? Just to frame Ms. Pie? That’s almost laughably stupid.”
“My client held no ill will to Mr. Dirt, Ms. Ore. She was summoned by the murderer to be framed.”
“Oh, really? Where’s your proof, Mr. Dice?”
I didn’t have the note… Pinkie said she didn’t have the note… wait. No. She only said it didn’t have a return address. Could she have the vital piece of evidence still?
“Your Honor, the defense moves to hold a five minute recess.”
“Overruled. Mr. Dice, if you do not think you can continue this charade, I will be forced to pass my judgment. So, what is your answer?”
Without that letter I couldn’t prove anything. I stared down at my desk. I had to think of something! As I was thinking, something got caught in my mane. I pulled the projectile out to find it was a paper airplane. I looked around at the pony who threw it. Had some pony really tried to harass me so much as to degrade my mane with litter?
I don’t know what possessed me to unfold the airplane, but I did. When I read the inside I almost cried. It was the letter. Pinkie Pie must have tossed this to me.
“Your Honor, the defense can continue.” This is probably the strangest way to receive a piece of evidence, but let’s go for it! “The defense presents the letter in question as evidence!”
“No way!” Garnet yelled. “Objection! There is no way that’s the letter.”
“And how can’t it be? This requests one Pinkie Pie to throw a party for a Princess Twilight Sparkle after her trial.”
“Then we can assume the princess wrote the letter.”
“Objection! We can assume nothing! Only evidence provides an undeniable truth. And Princess Twilight Sparkle has claimed to have not written this letter. Now who else would have wanted Ms. Pie there with the murder weapon?”
The room went silent waiting for an answer from Garnet. After some time she shot a glare at me and gave an evil smirk. “I didn’t want to change the prosecutions motive of the defendant, but here we go. The prosecution would like to submit these copies of reports that match the defendants profile perfectly. Mr. Dirt had been working on these up until his death. As his predecessor it is my duty to pick up where he left off.”
No way. Well that explain how she got access to the files, but really?! Low blow…
“The prosecution believes that Ms. Pie knew that Mr. Dirt had taken the case up and was looking into a connection between the two. Her action of killing him proves her guilt!”
“Objection! These reports were submitted by an anonymous source. They are not creditable.” Wait. An anonymous report, an anonymous letter, and both trying to frame Pinkie Pie.
“Objection,” Garnet broke in. “They are highly creditable. Mr. Dirt would not have found leads on the cases if they were false reports.”
“What leads did he find on them?”
“Well, that the murderer of the fillies was located in Ponyville and matched several features as the defendant. The same goes for the death of the elderly mare.”
“So the culprit ‘looked’ like Ms. Pie.”
“What are you…? Mr. Dice, no!”
“Too late! If we are talking about physical features, both Ms. Pie and Ms. Surprise are to be brought into question! And, spoiler: I already checked the basement of Sugar Cube Corner. There were no machines to grind little pony flesh as depicted in the report details.”
It all makes sense now. Pinkie really didn’t kill any pony. All of the deaths were Surprise!
“Your Honor, the report obviously says ’a pink earth pony.’ Ms. Surprise is a white Pegasus.”
“Objection! Ms. Surprise was obviously the one to submit the report. She was the one to use an identical pony to steer Mr. Dirt off her flank and to make sure Ms. Pie went down in flames, she made it look like Ms. Pie was to one who killed Mr. Dirt.”
The room went silent. I looked at every pony’s face to see they were staring at the witness stand. When I decided to add my gaze, I found a very red faced Pegasus grinding her teeth.
In a hushed whisper, she said “Is that what you think of me, Mr. Dice? A murderer?” And then, in a sudden scream, “Where’s your proof?!”
All I needed was cold-hard, solid evidence against her. But what was there really? No hoof prints, the letter couldn’t incriminate her, just because she had the same job as Pinkie Pie doesn’t make her guilty of murderer, her being a Pegasus means she could keep pace with Flash Sentry, but doesn’t necessarily mean she did. Everything I had looked into was to question Surprise’s innocence, not prove she killed some pony. But there had to be something, anything to prove she killed Mr. Dirt!
Seeing me panicked, Surprise took the chance to gloat. “Looks like Pinkie Pie really did kill Mr. Dirt, along with those small innocent fillies and poor elderly mare. Justice shall now be served.”
That’s it. There’s my chance. “Objection!” The crowd turned towards me, shocked. I could change everything right now.
“Mr. Dice, honestly. You have one chance to prove Ms. Surprise is guilty before I cast my verdict.”
Last ditch effort for my last chance. “Ms. Surprise, how did you know about the elderly mare’s death? If I recall, it hasn’t yet been brought up in court today.”
Surprise’s eyes went wide. She knew she had said too much. “W-well. I heard about it in Ponyville.”
“Actually, I’ve talked to several ponies in Ponyville. Rumor has it that she died of natural causes. However, you claim she was killed. There’s only one way you could know that…”
“NO!” She screamed.
“You had killed her through a prank, you kill fillies and but their flesh into cupcakes, and you killed Mr. Dirt and blamed Pinkie Pie to get off scot free!”
All that could be heard was a low “Grr” from Surprise. There rest of the ponies were silent.
She finally spoke. “You! Red pony, do something!”
All Garnet did was give her that crooked smile and replied, “I’m sorry. Last time I checked I wasn’t a defense attorney for guilty ponies. Well done, Mr. Dice.”
“Well, I think that’s enough excitement for one day,” the judge announced. I’d say enough for a week! Two cases in four days? I better get a good vacation after this. Surprise had been taken into custody for the several murder charges. She’d be spending a long time in prison.
“The defense can give its closing statement and explanation of what really happened for the record.”
“Yes, Your Honor. Ms. Surprise had been a serial killer for some time now. The mysterious disappearances of fillies caused only the greatest prosecutor to pick up the case. He was able to link two cases together successful. However, he believed too much into the false report Ms. Surprise had given him. This allowed Ms. Surprise to frame Ms. Pie even further by killing Mr. Dirt with her party cannon. She was able to kill Mr. Dirt with a condensed confetti cannon ball, which is explained by the fact that she runs a party supply service just as Ms. Pie. This also explains how she knew the cannon had no fuse, but was activated by pressure. Finally, she escaped hoof print exposure by covering her hoofs with a disguise. Being in the party business, and even witnessed in a clown costume, a convincing Pinkie Pie costume wasn’t out of the question. This explains what Mr. Sentry thought he saw. Finally, she was able to fly away, a skill Ms. Pie doesn’t have, and was able to escape arrest. The perfect crime.”
“Thank you for explaining all of that. Now then, this court finds Ms. Pinkie Pie, Not Guilty!” And with a slam of his gavel, it was all over.
Afterwards, Princess Celestia offered to hire me as the royal defense attorney. I would be called on whenever one of her subjects were brought to court. I wouldn’t be able to take any other cases except hers. I was flattered, but I could accept. Through these two trials, I felt like I was dragged through Tartarus and back. I assured her I would remain a defense attorney and that she could call on me for any favor.
I thought these two murderer cases were outliers to the several years of piece. I chucked them in with the other disasters that the Elements of Harmony had solved. However, there’s no rest for the wicked.