//------------------------------// // Crud. Well, You Can't Blame Me For Trying, Right? // Story: Who Is This Lord Tirek You Speak Of? // by Bucking Nonsense //------------------------------// There are moments when I wish that I had my own soundtrack. I mean, I'm sorry, but while a bit of my life up until my coming to this mixed up crazy world called Equestria had, in all honesty, been boring, there had yet to be a dull moment since my arrival here. From suddenly encountering an entire company of army rangers to nearly getting blasted by the queen to having a boxing match with Discord, there hadn't been a dull moment, except maybe when I slept. I was living in interesting times, that was certain. If someone made a movie out of my life, I was certain that it would have a more epic sound track than Heavy Metal. Hopefully, though, after I challenged Grogar and saved Leni, I'd finally be able to take a day off and relax. So, given all of that, I couldn't help but wish that I'd had the ability to generate my own music naturally. Instead, since I'd need to put on my Battle Armor of Absolute Awesomeness +9001 in preparation for the events to come, I would have to make do with what was available. As I approached my new armor in the privacy of the recently abandoned throne room, I began to mutter the most appropriate song I knew... Dadadada da dundundun, dadada da dundundun... Yes, damn it, I am a nerd. I am a fucking turbo-nerd, in fact. But damned if I'm not a happy one, and that's the thing that really matters, when it's all said and done. "I think we both know you can do better than that," Discord said, appearing behind me. "Probably," I admitted, already having gotten used to Discord's sudden appearances. "But I don't have enough skill yet with magic to engage in recreational use. Now, if you'd like to provide a..." "Way ahead of you," Discord said, snapping his fingers. Suddenly, the room was filled with an entire orchestra of Discords, each carrying instruments. "Whenever you're ready." Smiling, I asked, "Have I told you lately how glad I am that you're my friend?" "I could bear to hear it more often," he answered with a smile. --------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, outside the throne room... "We really shouldn't let them go alone," Twilight Sparkle said, worried. "Discord must go," Starswirl asserted, bluntly, "As he is the only one who can hold the Kazoo Of Wonders without feeling a compulsion to use it at random. And Conrad must go because, as leader of the changelings, it is his responsibility to do so. The rest of you will need to be here in Equestria, in case they fail." "Ummm, but why did things turn out like this?" Fluttershy asked, meekly. Twilight looked over at the shy pegasus, and asked, "What do you mean?" Blushing, Fluttershy said, "Well, um, if Starswirl knew all about Sombra before, couldn't he have just stopped Sombra a thousand years ago?" With a sad smile, the elderly wizard admitted, "I'd already left Equestria before Sombra's rise. Even if I had been there, I'd have been hesitant to do battle with him." At the surprised looks from the assembled ponies, he chuckled, then said, "Having witnessed the destruction caused when Twilight Sparkle and Tirek did battle, I think you have an inkling of how much collateral damage results from two wizards fighting one another. Celestia and Luna were able to defeat Sombra swiftly and soundly due to the vast difference in power between the tyrant and themselves. Otherwise... Well, there's good reason why 'Magic Duels' these days mainly involve two wizards showing off spells. A violent battle between two truly powerful wizards can drastically rearrange the geography of an entire continent, or possibly even the entire planet." Twilight shuddered at the memory of her confrontation between herself and Tirek. She'd never imagined using magic the way that she had that day, and she'd do anything to never have to go through that again. The two of them had been throwing around blasts of power capable of leveling cities. If that battle had taken place inside of Ponyville, or a populous city like Canterlot or Manehattan... It would have more terrible than anything she could imagine. She had nightmares about it, some nights. "And afterwards..." Starswirl continued, unaware, "I only became fully aware of the depths of Sombra's evil and depravity recently, after a night of intensive scrying through the use of a Flashback potion. By the time I'd come to fully appreciate the danger, he'd already set up a barrier to block teleportation in the area, and to stop the princesses from entering. It took me precious minutes to find a way inside, and by then... well, the results are as you've seen." With a snort, he added, "I am not used to being made to play the fool." With a sad smile of her own, Twilight said, "Don't worry about it. I can tell you all about how much I came to hate Sombra during my adventures in the Crystal Empire: I was very nearly thwarted in my attempts to find the Crystal Heart, just by the precautions he'd made a thousand years ago. I hate to admit it, but he's as smart as I am, if not smarter." It rankled her to admit that, but it was the honest truth. He'd hidden the entrance to the heart's chamber using a spell that very few unicorns would know. He'd then created, at the bottom of a long, rickety staircase, a magical door that would thwart anypony without magic from entering, and if they tried to use the same spell to open it, then they'd be caught in their worst nightmare. After passing that trial, it was followed by a painfully long ascent up another, longer staircase. And then, when she got there and collected the heart, it was booby-trapped, so that once triggered, she couldn't escape. If Spike had not insisted on coming along... Well, it pained her to even think it, but Sombra would have made a worthy rival, had he not been such a monster. Twilight was distracted by the sudden sound of an entire orchestra coming from the throne room. Startled, she asked, "What is that?" Scorpan, leaning against a nearby wall, said, "Humans are prone to engaging in certain rituals when they are preparing to go into battle from what I've learned of the species. Basically, Discord is playing music while Conrad girds himself for battle in order to 'psyche' himself up." "You seem to know a bit about humans," Luna observed with a raised eyebrow. With a shrug, the creature admitted, "When my brother escaped, Starswirl and I decided that some time away from his body might do Tirek some good. However, we couldn't allow his body to sit and rot without someone inside. Our bodies don't take well to stasis spells. However, my kind's anatomy and mentality are also radically different, not just from that of other species, but also from that of other members of our own kind, so we couldn't just pick someone on this world to inhabit his body. We had to... import one from elsewhere. We found a suitably similar species with the humans of Earth. From there, it was just a matter of finding one decent enough to be relied on not to go on a rampage as soon as he discovered how powerful he suddenly was. When we spotted Mister Conrad Conrad Conrad, who had just saved a child's life before he accidentally slipped and fell into the path of a moving vehicle, we knew we had our candidate. We were just lucky that, because of Sunset Shimmer bringing the Element of Magic to the world of humans, there was enough latent magic around to manage a teleportation spell before the moment of impact." "So... wait," Skyflower said, he eyes wide, "Conrad's body is still alive?" That was even more surprising than finding out that his middle name had been Conrad, along with his first and last. So, he was Conrad Cubed? Starswirl chuckled, then said, "I am not so cruel as to deny a spirit the well-deserved peace of its final destination. Had Conrad passed on, I would have let his spirit go without interference. Instead, I'm keeping his body in stasis, until Scorpan and I are certain that Tirek is truly ready to reform himself. Given how much progress he's made, we may well be ready to swap Tirek back into his body by week's end." "And then Conrad would go back home," Ash said, a little worried. "We'd be left without a leader again. "Only if he wants to," Starswirl said with a nod. "There's no reason why he might not want to stay here, once he's returned to his original body. And even if he does choose to go home, I am certain that the hive will do well under your guidance until a true queen arises." "But he'll be risking all of that by confronting Grogar," Ash said, turning morose. "He could very well lose whatever competition he has planned, and not only would Grogar be freed, but he and Leni would likely also be slain outright, and Equestria would be plunged into a violent war against one of the most terrible beings that was ever born. Yet if he just allowed things to go the way they'll go without interference..." He had a point. Leni was a single changeling, even if she was one of sterling character, given that she'd saved Skyflower, Twilight, and all of her friends, even if it had meant that she'd have died in their place. One life, versus the peace of Equestria, along with the thousands of lives that might be lost in that war, did not seem like a reasonable risk. Especially since Sombra was likely to be destroyed if Conrad did nothing. Celestia smiled and said, "I would rather risk the safety of my kingdom than abandon even one good hearted soul to the clutches of evil. I have faith that Conrad will succeed." With a more serious expression, she added, "And even if he might fail, I had long ago taken steps so that Equestria will be prepared for Grogar's return. There is more than one method of banishing a creature to the realm of shadows. If the old goat escapes, we will send him back. It may not be easy, but if I honestly believed that the risk was too great, I'd not allow either him or Discord to leave this evening." "On that note," Starswirl said, "I'll need to make some preparations: It takes time to create a temporary portal that can go to Tambelon, and while sunset may be hours yet, I'd rather have it up early, just in case Sombra tries to set up any more barriers." He prepared to leave, then said, "Ah, and keep the fact that Conrad's body is still alive a secret for now: He needs to stay focused on the job ahead. A distraction like that could ruin his concentration..." "Um, if you don't mind my asking," Skyflower said, preventing his departure. "I understand that when creatures move from one world another, they take on the form of a creature of the world they travel to. Is that right?" Starswirl nodded, and said, "Aye, it is so. There are a few exceptions, but on the whole, that is the truth." Raising an eyebrow and smiling, he asked, "Did you want to see what Conrad looks like as a pony?" Blushing, Skyflower admitted, "Yes, I would." --------------------------------------------- Getting dressed into full battle armor to the sound of Mars, Bringer Of War... There are few things more awesome than that. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. I couldn't help but smile as I placed the crown atop my head. "One more thing I can cross off of my bucket list," I said with a chuckle. "Aren't you a little young to have one?" Discord asked, surprised. Shrugging, I admitted, "Maybe, but I have a pretty good reason for it: One of my best friends learned he had cancer before his sixteenth birthday, and passed away a week after graduation. If there's one thing I learned from his passing, it's that life is a gift. You never know when your last moment may come, so treasure all of it. I made my bucket list after high school ended, and I am happy to say that I was more than halfway through it before I ended up here." With a raised eyebrow, the master of chaos asked, "Anything else that you might want to cross of the list before sunset? I mean, I'm certain that we'll make it through this, but you never know..." I thought about it for a moment, then chuckled and asked, "How close is the nearest town?" "Las Pegasus is about thirty miles south of here," Discord said, a smile starting to form on his face. "Good. One of the items on my bucket list is to play a guitar so loud that it can be heard clearly in the next town over. Wanna see if we can do it?" "I'll meet you on the roof in five minutes," Discord said, raising his hand to snap his fingers. "You can bring your guitar, and I'll bring mine." ------------------------------------------------------ I startled Skyflower and the rest of the group when I suddenly swung open the doors to the throne room. I was surprised to see that everypony had been watching something that Starswirl had been projecting on one wall. He'd suddenly dismissed the image when I appeared. Everypony had suddenly turned, and then, bizarrely, all of the mares began to blush bright red... including all three alicorns. Skyflower looked especially flustered, and couldn't seem to bring herself to look at me. ...Strange, but I didn't have time to dwell on it right then. "I'm about to meet Discord on the roof. We're going to play some rock and roll for a bit," I added with a gesture with my guitar. "I should warn you: It might get a little loud." Starswirl chuckled and said, "I am given to understand that when it comes to rock and roll, there's no such thing as 'a little loud'. Go ahead and have fun. Just be ready to go in three hours time." I nodded and said, "Right. We'll be ready." As I rushed off to the roof, I could swear I heard the mares giggling behind me. I couldn't help but wonder, just what they'd been looking at that had seemed so interesting. And why had all of them blushed when they'd looked at me? Especially Skyflower... ----------------------------------------------------- Only Discord would think to have an electric ukulele as his favorite instrument. I couldn't help but chuckle at it. At his raised eyebrow, I said, "I'm sorry, it's just so... you. I couldn't possibly imagine a better instrument." He couldn't help but chuckle himself, then said, "So, if we're going to set a world record for loudest musical performance, which song should we go with?" "Know any Savatage?" I asked, with a grin. ---------------------------------------------------------- It was a wonderful day in Las Pegasus. Soarin' had just left practice for next week's aerial performance, and was flying towards the nearest restaurant for some pie. He had to admit, he was feeling a little stiff in the wings: While stunt flying is a young pony's game, the intense maneuvers of the Wonderbolts were in a class all their own, and the constant strain and pressure were both taking their toll. He'd already sustained one serious injury this year, and he'd been lucky that it hadn't been a career ender. Maybe he should look into grooming a replacement so that he could retire. Otherwise, he might end up burning out before he was twenty five... "MADNESS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNS!!!" The pegasus nearly lost control in midair at the titanic sound of a massive shout that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once... ------------------------------------------------------------ "...IN THE HALL... OF THE MOUNTAIN KING!!!" Sombra, still biding his time in Hades, suddenly whipped his head around, searching for where that sudden sound had come from. "What the deuce was that?" -------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, I think we might have overdone it a little bit...