//------------------------------// // Chapter 16, just ashes // Story: The Chronicles of Summer Rain, Vol. 9 -- Future Perfect // by shysage //------------------------------// I'm not a princess... Maybe I was, once... Not any more... ... After Summer left, I lost track of time... completely... ... I didn't even tend to the fire. I guess the weather warmed up some, so that part didn't matter. I didn't usually eat often anyway, so that didn't matter either... ... I just sat there, right where I was sitting when Shysage left. I hadn't moved at all... I just kept looking steeply down at the floor... Trying not to look... It was still there... I... It was more than a day before I even moved, maybe even two, I don't know... ... Over the last 30 or more years, time had just barely crawled by for me. Now was no different... In Summer's Dream, Summer came back to me within the next few days, with everypony else, including the Equestria Girls... That would never happen. The Equestria Girls were long gone, buried in a world far more huge than Equestria. I shuddered as I thought this. Some of them may even be buried literally. It had been a long time. And in Summer's Dream, a mythical train had appeared out of nowhere, three decades later, and this made pretty quick work of rounding up some ponies from Dodge City and beyond. Even that trip alone would take week, on hoof. I knew that. Then finding everypony that happened to be there... Well, I was sure it would be weeks maybe before Summer returned, and I doubted she would find more than a pitiful few ponies, no matter where they looked. It just didn't matter. I was in no hurry... ... Still, I knew that day would come. At some point in the future, Summer would come back through that door, again, with whoever she could find, in addition to Fluttershy. I wanted to plan ahead how I would handle that. I guess organization is still important to me. I also guess, I decided to ignore that my every attempt at planning for her first visit here, had resulted in dismal failure. ... The first thing I realized, I needed to dispose of the book that she had dropped... It had sat, right where it fell, face down, maybe four feet directly in front of me for the last few days. She said it was mine, but that was a mistake. Again, I was in no hurry. At some point, maybe days later, I headed out into the forest long enough to round up a few good sized logs. I wanted the fire pretty hot for this. Well, it wasn't cold outside today anyway. I walked slowly back into the hut, and carefully laid the logs on the fire. A little more magic, and the logs were soon burning hotly. ... My goal was simple. I wanted to burn that book... the book whose last chapter recorded me being changed into an Alicorn Princess... Equestria's Princess... I wanted to forever sever the link that Equestria had formed with me the day I was made a Princess. I didn't want that. I was renouncing that contract. And burning that book was the only way I could think of to do that. "I mean just look at me..." I said this out loud. Nothing more needed to be said. Staying a far distance away, I used my magic to pick that book up. I didn't want to even be close to it... at all... I didn't want to risk seeing anything more than what I already knew. I didn't want to change my mind... Grasping the book with my magic, I levitated it, right where it was, and threw it quickly into the now raging fire... ... ... ... Instead of hitting the back of the fireplace, the book curiously stopped, directly above the hottest flames... ... ... ... The flames of the fire went out abruptly. There was absolutely no heat coming from my fireplace... ... ... ... The book tilted at an angle slowly towards me, and opened all by itself, and turned slowly through the pages to a particular chapter. I could already guess which chapter it was... The last one in that book, of course... The book just sat there... wavering slowly... beckoning me... ... ... ... I couldn't... I couldn't... fight... this... ... ... ... Weeping softly, I used my magic to pull the book back out of the fireplace... I laid it on the floor in front of me, still opened to where it had opened, all by itself... I could read it now. It was still opened to the beginning of that last chapter... ... ... ... With the book removed, the logs in the fireplace immediately burst into flames once again, and were burning just as hot as before... ... ... ... I laid down on my belly, with my front legs over that open book... I buried my head in those words... I cried for a long time... ... ... ... Hours later, I started reading... I knew all this, of course, but I read it anyway... ... ... ... I stopped at these words... "...fulfill your destiny..." Princess Celestia had sung those words to me (or something close), right before I was made an Alicorn Princess by Equestria. I cried hours more... ... ... ... In the middle of the night maybe, I stopped crying sharply. This really was my destiny. I couldn't fight that... ... ... ... But I had failed... ... ... ... Unable to cry, I sat up and just stared off into the darkness. Well, there was a very small amount of light coming from the fireplace. It was mostly ashes now, and that was really how I felt... I had nothing left... just ashes... ... ... ... Why did I stop fighting for these girls? For their amazing friendships... Even now, I felt like it just wasn't worth it... I had fought for them before... Once when Discord turned us all against each other... I fought to restore them the day I was made a Princess too... I'm sure there were other times... Why did I just give up? Why did I finally decide it was too much effort? ... ... ... I tried to avoid the answer to this for maybe an hour... ... ... ... I... I had let go of Friendship's Magic... I had let go of the simple committment to put others first... to put them first... Their Princess, me... I had finally been pushed so far, that I gave up... I gave in... I stopped putting them first... I decided rescuing them... Rescuing us... It was just too hard... It took too much effort... ... ... ... I had set a limit to how far I would fight, then I gave up... The truth made me sob... ... ... ... I had failed them... ... ... ... I cried hard for a long time... ... ... ... I guess I fell asleep for a few hours. When I woke up, it was early morning. I woke up to the jarring realization that I... Their Princess... I had failed them... ... ... ... I didn't want to ever see them again, because I had let them down... I had let them languish... I had let our friendships languish... For decades... That was horrible... absolutely horrible... ... ... ... But Equestria... ... ... ... Equestria was not letting me out of my contract to be a Princess. Whatever... ... ... ... I guessed that meant I had to exact my own judgement for what I had done... For giving up on my precious friends like that... ... ... ... Even if I desparately wanted them, it wouldn't change... I had abandoned them... Decades ago... And ever since... ... ... ... I was quickly sobbing at this thought... ... ... ... Out of nowhere, the Twin Link went active... My amazing Twin, Equestria Girls Twilight Sparkle... After decades... ... ... ... And I quickly realized from what I was seeing... ... ... ... Everypony... EVERYPONY... ... ... ... They were coming... They were close... ... ... ... But I didn't deserve this... I didn't deserve them... I had failed them... ... ... ... It was hard, but I ran quickly out the door, off towards the clearing further into the Everyfree Forest. The Twin Link went away as soon as I started to run... ... ... ... I was soon standing next to Dethwell... I shouted... "JUSTICE..." "PEACE..." "GOODNESS..." I was crying... "Honesty..." "Laughter..." "Generosity..." "Loyalty..." "Kindness..." I waited... ... Nothing happened... ... I thought they would be here soon... ... ... ... I said quietly "Friendship is Magic..." ... With the sound of thunder, Eschate Zumulus landed directly in front of me... He yelled loudly and with mocking disdain... "PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA..." Then he laughed loudly... ... "So you have finally come to renounce the magic of friendship. Excellent." ... ... ... I looked up at him, bewildered. "I... Oh no... Not at all... Friendship is magic... Friendship is amazing... It is just that I have just failed my friends... I have failed Equestria..." ... ... ... He roared angrily... He looked down at me, clearly furious... "WORTHLESS PONY YOU MISUNDERSTOOD... "In about five seconds, you will be a believer that true friendship is as completely useless as YOU ARE!!!" ... ... ... I didn't notice... He had already lifted one of his huge paws as he said this... I didn't even have time to turn around... ... ... ... I just sighed... "I deserve this..." I thought to myself...