Princess Rainbow Dash
Princess Cadance, Princess Rainbow Dash, and Princess Luna sat in the royal sitting room. Rainbow Dash thought that it was hilarious: Luna was over a thousand years old and was about her height. Cadance, who recently celebrated her twenty-first birthday, was the tallest pony in the room. She was taller than her adoptive aunt. Rainbow was going to point this out, but Cadance cleared her throat. "Soooo..."
"So," Luna agreed.
"Aunt Celestia never told me that I had another aunt."
"And she never told us that we had another sister," Luna nodded. Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side.
"'We'? 'Us'?"
"Isn't it still traditional to use 'we' when you speak in the royal Canterlot tongue?" Luna asked, confused.
"No..."
"Oh...well, I can drop that formality! Huzzah!" Luna cheered.
"Anyway, you don't have another sister. I'm adopted," Cadance explained. She and Rainbow went on to explain their exciting backstories, which seemed really really boring to them now because they had only shared their backstories A MILLION times.
"So...are you really only this tall?" Rainbow wondered when she was finished speaking.
"Rainbow Dash, be nice!" Cadance scolded.
"No, we...I mean, I used to be a lot taller. My mane was just like Tia's: super perfect and wavy," she said with a wistful sigh and a flip of her mane. "I hope that I gain my full powers back soon...then I'll look flawless once more."
"And do you like coffee and cake, just like 'Tia'?" Rainbow asked with a smirk.
"What's coffee?" Luna replied. "Is that some kind of truffle?" Rainbow's smirk grew wider. She clapped her hooves together.
"SERVANTS!" She shouted. "I need three cups of tea STAT!"
Half an hour later...
"I'M PRINCESS BUCKING LUNA AND I CANNOT FEEL MY BUCKING FACE!" Luna's eye twitched. Rainbow Dash was rolling on the ground, laughing her head off as the blue Alicorn coped with her first encounter with coffee. Cadance watched them both with a small, wry smile.
"This is why I switched to tea..." She remarked to herself, sipping from her teacup. As she spoke, a soaking wet Unicorn stomped into the room, his blond hair clinging to his furious face. And yet...was that a note of fear in his eyes...?
"Which one of you commoner princesses put a frog in my bathtub?" Prince Blueblood demanded. He noticed Luna for the first time and gasped. "Oh, buck! There's THREE of you?" He ran from the room, screaming.
"And who the buck, pray tell, was that?" Luna asked with mild interest as he left.
"That was Prince Blueblood, your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grand cousin," Rainbow said in one breath.
"Why is he so great?" Luna wondered. "His character seemed...mediocre. At best." Rainbow Dash laughed.
"He gets worse! Trust me! It seems that he only exists for us to give him his just desserts for being such a royal pain in the flank!"
"You know what he hates?" Cadance giggled. "Being watched! He knows that we can use his tantrums against him!"
"How epic are these tantrums?" Cadance and Rainbow Dash giggled.
"Seeing is believing!" Cadance said, standing up. "Come on, we'll show you!"
Meanwhile, Prince Blueblood had just entered his room and was pacing back and forth, fuming. What proceeded was the greatest tantrum in recorded history. He grabbed his bed sheets and crumpled them into a ball, sobbing and shrieking and making noises that weren't possible for equines to make. "I'm going to run away and never come back!" He wailed, thrashing around his bed. He paused when he heard three voices.
"So he shoves it up his plot!" One said.
"No! Surely you jest!"
"No, no, no, we don't say 'surely you jest', Auntie Luna," another voice interrupted. "We say, 'You must be joking!' Or 'You're not serious!'"
"Very well...you must be joking!"
"No, we're totally serious!" The first voice laughed. "He shoves it up his plot!"
"Does anypony have more popcorn?" Blueblood froze and flung open his closet doors. Three princesses sat in lawn chairs with binoculars, refreshing snacks, and the biggest grins on their faces.
"GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY ROOMS, YOU STALKERS!"
"You only have one room," Rainbow Dash corrected. "That's because you're the least favorite pony in the castle!"
"BURN!" Cadance shouted, giving the younger Alicorn a hoof-bump. Blueblood picked up a spare horseshoe from his closet and began to smack his face with it.
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?" He shouted.
"Nay, foalish nephew," Luna interrupted. "We simply wanted to see thou lose thy bucking mind. We shall leave now." She stood and trotted out of his room, followed by the other two Alicorns. Cadance looked over her shoulder at the pissed prince and asked:
"How come you don't have a crown again?" She slammed the door to his room before the horseshoe he threw could hit her in her pretty pink face.
"Out of curiosity, who put the toad in Blueblood's bath?" Luna wondered.
"I did!" Rainbow bragged.
"I applaud you," Luna commended, and Rainbow wrapped her arm around Luna's shoulders.
"Luna, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
In her royal chambers, Celestia was restocking her emergency cake rations (ECR) and giggling like a lunatic at Blueblood's sufferings. "I don't know exactly how he's related to me, but I feel like he exists solely for our entertainment." She laughed as she bit into a slice of delicious-looking red velvet cake...only to spit it out. She gasped and used her magic to calculate the expiration date of the ingredients. "January 21st...14 BLC*?" She hesitated for a minute, then took another bite...and another...
When Rainbow Dash returned to Ponyville, she spent a day helping Applejack and Twilight Sparkle with some of AJ's chores. "Ah made a bet with Big Mac. If Ah win, he has to walk down Stirrup Street in one of Granny's girdles!" The farm pony guffawed. Spike burped up a letter from the Sun Princess, which he began to read.
"'Hear ye, hear ye, Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria...'"
Wow, pretentious much? Rainbow cringed.
"...yadda yadda yadda..'.to Princess Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle and one guest'!" He fished out three golden tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, the most exclusive party in all of Equestria. It was held once a year in Canterlot. When Rainbow Dash was an Alicorn filly, she enjoyed meeting her heroes. As the years passed and members of the team came and went, she liked meeting the new recruits. Some day I'll be one of these ponies, she'd think to herself. But then, the day came when Celestia told her the truth: princesses can't become Wonderbolts. From that day forward, she dreaded attending the Gala and seeing the ponies that she could never become.
"I've never been to the Gala," Twilight giggled. "It must be so nice!"
"NO, it isn't!" Rainbow Dash corrected. "It's horrible! Just throw away the three tickets! Save us all some trouble!"
"But Rainbow Dash, Ah'd love to go and make some money selling apples! If enough ponies bought mah apples, Ah could afford to do some serious repairs around Sweet Apple Acres and fix Granny Smith's old hip!"
"Ponies don't go to the Gala for the food," Rainbow Dash replied. "I'm really sorry to tell you that." She snatched the three tickets from Spike's claw. "I'm going to destroy these and save an evening of our lives!" She flew away, creating a wind that knocked several apples off of their trees. As she entered Ponyville, the tickets flew from her hooves and into the face of Pinkie Pie.
"Wait...these are tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala! The GGG! The Triple G! The most superly amazing party! Rainbow Dash, are you taking someone this year? Take me with you! I WANNA PARTY!" The pink Earth pony begged, wrapping her hooves around Rainbow's legs and dragging her to the ground.
"NO! The Gala is the WORST party I've ever been to! You do NOT want to go, Pinkie!" As she said this, Twilight and Applejack, followed by Spike, trotted up to them, along with Fluttershy and Rarity. Rarity was the most impressed with the tickets.
"Oh, Twilight, Princess Rainbow Dash, I simply MUST go to the Gala! It's where I'm destined to meet...HIM."
"Him?" Twilight and Rainbow asked in unison.
"Yes, HIM! Him. I would stroll through the Gala, and everyone would wonder, 'Who is that mysterious mare?' They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville. Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Princess Celestia herself, and the princess would be so taken with the style and elegance that she would introduce me to him, her nephew: the most handsome, eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot. Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt. Our courtship would be magnificent. He would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say, 'Yes!' We would have a royal wedding, befitting a princess, which is what I would become upon marrying him, the stallion of my dreams."
"RARITY! DO NOT MARRY PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!" Rainbow Dash flew so close to her face that her horn almost poked one of Rarity's eyes out. The only thing she poked was Rarity's thought bubble. "He is the biggest jerkwad I have EVER met!"
"Oh, Rainbow Dash, you are so selfish!" Rarity huffed. "You're just telling me this so I won't want to go to the Gala!"
"No, I'm not! If you want to go to the Gala, that's fine, but avoid Bluebrat at all costs! He's the worst! And I don't even WANT to know why you want to go to the Gala!" She continued, pointing her hoof at Fluttershy. "But whatever reason it is, I PROMISE you, there's more of it out there...outside of the Gala! In fact, just take my ticket!" She threw it in the air. "FREE TICKET! I don't care who goes. But may Celestia have mercy on your soul..." She, along with her friends, watched as the ticket fluttered to the ground. Nopony reached for it.
"...on second thought...Spike, take a letter." Twilight cleared her throat as Spike began to write on a piece of parchment. "Dear Princess Celestia, I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning the tickets to The Grand Galloping Gala."
"PHEW, all of our problems are solved!" Rainbow Dash sighed as the letter vanished into Spike's green fire breath. But only a few moments later, the dragon burped again.
"It's a letter from the princess!" He gasped. "'My faithful student Twilight, why didn't you just say so?' And there are six tickets to the Gala!" He pulled them out, one by one.
"Great...now we can all suffer..." Rainbow shook her head and sighed as the rest of her friends cheered...and as she watched them, she couldn't help but wonder...
"How come Cadance is never invited to the Gala?"
"You can have my ticket to the Gala if you say the following: 'Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Princess Rainbow Dash are the best princesses ever. So is Princess Luna, my aunt. If I ever insult them again, then a thousand Parasprites will attack my armpits.'" Princess Cadance flew above Blueblood's head, her ticket to the Gala just out of reach for him. Blueblood was too distracted by the shininess of the ticket to even consider using magic to take it from Cadance's hoof. So he swallowed his pride and repeated what the pink princess told him. She fluttered down, the ticket almost in his hoof...only to yank it away at the last moment. "Now...go and tell all of your servants that you appreciate them and their ability to put up with you, a stubborn pompous prick." Cadance grinned wickedly. "This ought to be good..."