An Old Friend
Ness awoke with a thud as he hit the floor. He rolled over onto his back and saw Twilight Sparkle peering over the edge of the bed.
“Oops, sorry Ness!” Twilight said with a sheepish look on her face.
“Ugh, what was that for?” Said Ness, still groggy from sleep.
“Well, I was trying to wake you, but I accidentally shook you out of the bed... Sorry, again.”
“Why did you even wake me? What time is it? Why couldn't this wait until later?” Ness mumbled, his speech was slurred from being woken from his sleep in the worst possible way.
“Well, it seems there is a teeny, tiny problem, it’s probably nothing but... Ponyville has been overrun by hundreds and hundreds of pigs, heh heh...” Twilight laughed nervously at the events that were occurring.
“Must I do everything?” Ness asked rhetorically. “Let’s roll.”
“Roll? Why not walk, or trot, or run?” Twilight asked in her frantic panic-y way.
Ness had already made his way to the doorway before calling to see if Twilight was coming with him.
“Hey! You coming?”
“Oh, of course! Yes yes yes, let’s go, but no rush, right?”
“Now or never Twilight!” He said as he stepped out of the door.
He was not ready for what he saw next. The streets were flowing with pink because of the sheer amount of pigs. There were pigs everywhere; in gardens, in carts, in trees, on the streets, everywhere. Ness quickly took off his backpack and checked it for pigs. There were three inside already. Ness let out an exasperated sigh and pulled out a baseball bat from his bag.
He limbered up, getting ready to clean the streets. With wide sweeping motions he cleared a path through the pigs with the bat. A couple of minutes later, with a panicking purple pony on his back, he gave up on trying to clear the streets of the pigs and just started trying to find the source of all these pigs.
He thought he saw a pig standing up on its hind legs, but he blinked and it went away. Five more minutes of frantic swinging and bashing, all of the seemingly oblivious pigs suddenly realized that they had to be somewhere else at that very moment and cleared the streets faster than any baseball bat could dream of doing.
“Huh, that was easy. Hey Twilight, I fixed your pig problem! You can get off of my back now.”
Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “I don’t know how you did it, but I’m glad that’s over.”
A large crash from behind interrupted Ness before he could bask in his praise. He whipped his head around at the source of the sound of a couple of tons of metal hitting hard-packed dirt. He was surprised at what he saw; a heavily armed Pokey.
“Pokey?! What the heck are you doing here?”
“Ness! Old buddy, how’s it going?”
It was Pokey all right, Ness’s old neighbor. Except for one difference, he looked 7 years older than last time he saw him. Pokey looked like a regular 16 year old boy, greasy mustache and all, but he still sounded like he did when he was younger.
“Pokey! Answer my question!”
“Oh right, I forgot to mention, my name is now PORKY Ness, and don’t you forget it or I will destroy you and send your chunks back to you parents! Aha ha ha ahah ah ha!” Porky said with his voice tinged with utter glee.
“What? Are you crazy?”
“No Ness, I’m the commander of the largest army on this planet, gaze upon it and despair!”
On cue, hundreds and hundreds of humanoid figures dressed in pink military outfits with silly pig shaped masks emerged from the shadows.
“What is going on here!?” shouted a very confused and now scared Twilight.
“Twilight, this is Pok- Porky, he is an old ‘friend’ of mine, he is insane”
“I AM NOT INSANE, PIGMEN ATTACK!”
In an instant the streets filled again with row upon row of pink, except this time was different. Instead a twisting mass of knee-high pigs, there were what looked like ordinary people dressed up in military fatigues, all pink of course. But instead of standard helmets, the ‘soldiers’ wore what looked like cheap ‘made in china’ masks of pigs. The Eyeholes in the masks did little to reveal the eyes of the wearers as their eyes were cast in shadows. Ness could hear the heavy breathing of an entire street full of Pigmen, magnified by the echo created from the cheap make of the masks.
“Twilight,” Ness said aside to the pony.
“Yes?”
“Cover your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Do it now!” Ness said with hushed urgency.
“Alright! Fine. There, they’re covered.”
“Good, because here comes PK Flash.”
Ness closed his eyes in concentration and anticipation of the light to come. He gathered up light and held it in his two fists, close to his chest.
The Pigsoldiers were almost upon them, it was going to be close.
Ness could hear the rhythmic breathing that the paper-thin masks made all around him, but he had finished charging up his attack. With not a moment to spare, he let out a huge flash, bathing the hundreds of pig shaped humanoids in a brilliant green light. The light struck every pair of unprotected eyes, blinding them all.
One by one, the Pigsoldiers fell, covering their eyes in pain from the searing light that blinded them. After about a minute, the last Pigman had fallen, and Porky stood, or rather sat in his machine, agape at the fact that all of his forces had been reduced to a crying mass of pink with one attack.
“Ness, why must you hurt my feelings like this? I... I just want to be friends.”
“Pokey, if that’s what you wanted, you could have tried being a better friend in the first place.”
“DID YOU SAY POKEY? THAT’S NOT MY NAME YOU BASTARD, I’M PORKY! ROBOT UNICORN, ATTACK!”
Out from somewhere behind Porky jumped a tall, pale blue unicorn. The unicorn looked more like a regular horse than a resident pony because of its tall stature and toned body. That’s where the similarities to anything Ness or Twilight had ever seen ended. The entire torso of the unicorn was covered in bands of metal, acting as both a casing and armor. The limbs on the left side of its body were both prosthetic and mechanical. The jaw was also replaced by pale blue steel, causing the unicorn to have a permanent cross between sneer, scowl and twisted grimace of a smile. The horn was long and sharp, and its mane flowed down covering half of its face. The part of the face that wasn’t covered by the mane was also replaced with robotics, including the eye.
Ness and Twilight stood, paralyzed with fear as the unicorn started to charge up a spell. A ball of crackling electricity formed at the tip of the horn and steadily grew, gaining power. Mere seconds had passed before the ball of energy was sent hurtling straight toward Ness. He barely had time to brace for it as it struck him, sending him flying into some unfortunate ponies’ flower garden. Ness did not get up.
The unicorn moved onto its next victim, also a unicorn. Its metal hoof steps resonating through the silence of the midday showdown, slowly making its way to Twilight, almost savoring the moment. Twilight was still paralyzed with fear, hiding her head under her hooves, unable to run away from, let alone face the imposing form of what once was a pony. The horse reared up, intending to beat Twilight to death with its own hooves rather than use any fancy magic. A loud crack sounded as metal hooves made contact.
[Ha, I’m a terrible person; making you wait for a short chapter in which Ness is knocked out and Twilight is killed/beaten/maimed/etc. Hope you enjoyed!]