Dear Lyra Heartstrings:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Your roommate, Sweetie “Bonbon” Drops.
Dear Bonbon:
Human are real, dammit! Twilight proved they were real! Stop crushing my dreams!
Your former roommate, Lyra Heartsrings.
Dear Homos:
I may have proved that humans are real, but I fail to understand why you wish to sleep with them. I will admit that some of them are rather attractive, but most of them are quite ugly. Therefore, I find that the actions of the mysterious attacker are, while not justifiable, at least understandable. You sickos are a perversion of what is acceptable in society.
Your disgusted princess, Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Homos:
Twilight was the attacker!
Your totally honest and reliable ruler, Princess Celestia.