//------------------------------//
// 12. Sweet Dreams 
// Story: The Unbearable Lightness of Being Sweetie Belle 
// by Distaff Pope 
//------------------------------//

        I was singing on stage, but I wasn’t on stage, I was in the audience, staring at myself. I looked closer at the me on stage. She was a bit smaller than me normally, she hadn’t done anything to her mane, and… Oh! She didn’t have her cutie mark yet. She looked… young and innocent, but then… would that mean I wasn’t young and innocent? The song drifted towards me, and the second the notes hit my ears, I recognized it.

        “Hey!” I said. “This is the song I sang when I got my cutie mark.”

        “Well done,” a mare standing next to me said. I turned to look at her, and… she was me, too. “I knew you had it in you to recognize the most important moment of your life. You didn’t disappoint.”

        “Thanks?” I said, tilting my head at her. That was… that was a compliment, right? “Hey, why are you me?”

        “We’re all you, here,” the other me said, waving a hoof  at the audience. I looked around, and sure enough, all of them were recognizably me. “These days, it seems you’re the only person you’ll listen to, so… we got rid of the rest, or they left on their own.”

        “Hey,” I said, jutting my chin up. “I’m not… I listen to plenty of ponies.”

        “When they tell you what you want to hear, you do,” the other me said. “The rest of the time, you just sort of… tune them out.”

        “No, I don’t,” I said. She was… I didn’t ignore ponies. I listened to everypony. The reflection of me was totally wrong about that.

        “Really?” she said, rolling her eyes. “Then how many times in the last… month have you turned down Scootaloo or Apple Bloom or Life Bloom after they invited you to do something?”

        “Uhhh… I didn’t, obviously. I’d never leave my friends hanging like that,” I said. “Honestly, who do you think I am?”

        “I know precisely what type of pony you are,” she said, frowning and looking at the me on stage. “The question is: do you?”

        “Yep,” I said, giving her my biggest smile. The smile I used when I needed to hide how annoyed I was. “I’m me. Do you have any other silly questions?”

        She sighed as the edges of the world around us got blurry. “I have questions you won’t comprehend and answers you don’t want to hear yet. Hopefully, you’ll be willing to listen before things get too–”


***


        My head felt like it was the dance floor for one of Pinkie’s parties and… something cold and solid pressed on my head. I stretched, my hoof hit something, and a loud clank bounced around my skull. I slowly opened my eyes, trying to prepare myself for the wave of light that was about to hit them.

        “Gah!” I screamed before going quiet as the scream echoed around in… I looked around. Why was the punch bowl resting over my head? My forelegs twitched around as I tried to get the bowl off my head, but doing so just caused them to crash into more empty bottles. Why were there so many empty bottles? How much did I drink last night? I dredged my mind for any memories about what happened last night after… after… I remembered who I was supposed to be. The only thing I could recall were a few broken memories of me drinking or kissing or somehow doing both at once. I closed my eyes and tried to take the bowl off my head without making a sound. I definitely needed… I needed Apple Bloom to make me another one of those potions.

        “You’re up,” Tiara said, causing me to flinch. Why did her voice have to sound so terrible? Why did everything have to sound so terrible? Everything except–

        “Here, let me help you,” Melody said, trotting up next to me and gently removing the punch bowl. Have I mentioned how much I love her when my head hurts? Not that I don’t love her the rest of the time, but after a sugar or alcohol binge, I love her even more… and normally, I love her a whole lot.

        “Thanks,” I groaned as I staggered to my hooves and tripped over another bottle. How much did I drink last night? I looked around and saw a floor littered with bottles. “When did we get into the beer?”

        “You got into the cider around one in the morning, and then you kept going for about… four more hours,” Tiara said. Why couldn’t she just let Melody do the talking? “We tried to get you to go to bed, but… you were insistent. Then you started doing things with your tongue when you weren’t drinking, and… I couldn’t stay mad at you.”

        I wobbled over to the sofa and crashed onto it. “What… did I do exactly? Everything’s kind of blurry.”

        “You mean besides drinking enough to kill a grown mare and somehow just coming out with a hangover?” Tiara asked.

        I nodded and sunk deeper into the sofa. “Yes, please, and… could you have Melody do the talking? My head really–”

        “I know,” Tiara said. “That’s what happens when you stay up until almost dawn drinking.” Was she upset with me? After she and Melody had laughed…

        A flare of anger ignited in my stomach and began to burn through my chest. She was mad at me? For being what she wanted me to be? They wanted happy silly filly Sweetie, so I gave them happy silly filly Sweetie, and now she was…

        I drowned the anger inside of me with a smile. I couldn’t get mad at her, if I did, then I wouldn’t be happy silly filly Sweetie, and then they’d leave me for… I took a deep breath. I was happy silly filly Sweetie. I liked being her, even if a few bad parts of me didn’t. They didn’t matter though, they didn’t make my friends happy and keep them from leaving. My smile grew.

        “You know me,” I said, trying to laugh without making my head explode. “I just… it was so fun, I couldn’t control myself.” I pushed myself off the couch and kissed the soft spot on Tiara’s neck. She was absolutely helpless when I kissed her there. “Besides, I thought you liked me being fun.” 

        Her eyelids got heavy as I kissed her neck one more time. Like I said, helpless. “I… I do,” she said, her voice sounding like she’d just emerged from a beautiful dream. I nuzzled against her and let her smell the remains of my perfume,drawing her back into the dream. The dream was better for all of us. “Just… I get worried when you do stuff like this.”

        I smiled, managing to overcome the pain in my head as I looked at her. The harshness in her voice had been leached out by my affection, and now I could listen to her without wishing my head would just explode to put me out of my misery. Not that I was miserable. I was happy. “Don’t be. I’m… You’ve got to let me be me, right?”

        She nodded and looked at her hooves, recalling our earlier talk. Love everypony in their own way. “I know, but… I don’t want you to hurt yourself, either.” She sighed. “But you’re right. Besides, it’s not like you getting blackout drunk is a nightly thing.”

        “Exactly,” I said, pushing her chin up so she could look into my eyes. “This was just… a fun one-off thing. I’m not going to get drunk every night.” Although maybe I should. Drinking was probably… well, I just felt happier when I was drinking. Like I should be all the time.

        But not when I was hungover. I winced as I looked out the window to check the time. It was way too late to just be getting up, and I really needed to get Apple Bloom’s potion before I could return to Rarity’s house. She… probably wouldn’t be happy if she knew I had a hangover. Plus… It was way past noon, and she hadn’t been by yet. If I didn’t get back to her soon, she’d stop by, and… then things would be a lot worse.

        “I’ve… I’ve got to go,” I said, taking a step towards the door. “Need to talk to Apple Bloom.” 

        “Are you sure?” Melody asked as I trotted to the door. “If you want, you can sit down and we’ll get her.”

        I shook my head and immediately regretted the decision. “No, need to get back to Rarity’s. She’s… I’m sure she’s getting worried by now, so… I have to get going.”

        “Alright,” Melody said as I reached the door. “Is there anything I can get you before you leave? Some water,  or…”

        “No,” I said as I opened the door and beams of light burned through my eyeballs. “Actually… Do you think we could get some sunglasses?”


***


        I trotted through the streets of Ponyville, sunglasses dulling the light and a shawl wrapped around my head dulling the sounds of town. I felt like I was about to vomit, and my body reminded me with every step I took how awesome it would be to just curl up in a dark room and wait for the hangover to pass. I kept going by reminding myself that if I didn’t get that potion, Rarity was definitely going to find out what happened last night, and then I’d get in trouble, even though she drinks… well, not all the time, and she never gets drunk, but she does drink, so she really shouldn’t get mad at me.

        Somehow, I managed to make it to Apple Bloom’s without having my head melt, so… that was good, I guess. I flinched as I looked at the ramp leading up to the treehouse. Why did everything in it have to be made out of noisy wood? I gently placed a hoof on the wood and let out a sigh as the wood didn’t even groan in protest. Another hoof went onto the ramp and then another. Slowly, I climbed the ramp, doing everything I could not to make a sound. If Apple Bloom wasn’t up here, I’d feel like the silliest filly ever, and not in the good happy-silly-filly-Sweetie way. 

        At the top step, I looked into the clubhouse and–

        Apple Bloom and Life Bloom.

        Were.

        Kissing!

        I let out a squeal of excitement at the sight before the fact that I had a hangover came crashing violently into me, and I staggered into a nearby beanbag chair.

        “You alright, Sweetie?” Apple Bloom said as she and Life Bloom trotted to my side, their hoofsteps echoing in my skull.

        I pointed a hoof at my head and retreated into the fetal position. “Potion. Sugar withdrawal. Help.”

        Apple Bloom sighed and got to work while Life Bloom just stared at me. “Really? And what prompted this display of gratuitous hedonism? Anything in particular, or just because it’s Saturday?”

        “Just because it’s Saturday,” I said, retreating further into my chair. Why did she have to talk? Why did I have to talk? “You know me,” I said, continuing to talk for some unknown stupid reason.

        “Indeed, I do,” Life Bloom said, her eyes never leaving me. Did she know what really happened? It sounded like she did, but… why wouldn’t she just tell Apple Bloom if that was the case? It’s not like she ever cared about being discreet before. 

        I didn’t say anything in response, and Life Bloom took the hint, not saying anything else while Apple Bloom brewed her potion. The hiss of the burner and the sound of boiling of water was an angelic choir to my ears.

        “So...” Apple Bloom said as the burner’s hissing disappeared. “About what you saw…”

        “I won’t tell anypony,” I groaned. “If you don’t want to tell anypony, I won’t ruin the surprise, but… why aren’t you telling anypony? You two are so cute together?”

        “You mean besides the fact that Socket has a crush on Life Bloom?” Apple Bloom asked.

        “Yeah, besides… Wait… how do you know that?” We only talked about who everypony had a crush on in the time loop.

        “You realize, of course, that I was trapped in the time loop with you, right?” Life Bloom asked. “That’s the whole reason you spent months trying to teach me to be less… formal and academic.”

        “Oh… right,” I said, looking up to see Apple Bloom was doing on my potion. “So… how did you find out?”

        “Nightmare Night,” she said as she took the potion off the burner and set it in a dark box. “Plus, once we started dating – though I guess we haven’t had an actual date – Life Bloom told me about our conversations in the time loop.” She flashed a smile at Life Bloom. “I love that I can trust her no matter what.”

        “Yeah,” I said, frowning for some reason. “That’s… It’s probably a pretty great feeling. Right?”

        “Well, of course,” Apple Bloom said as the box she put the potion in pulsed. “But you’d know that, already. I’ve seen the way Tiara looks at you, and something tells me Melody would never hurt you… or anypony else, actually. 

        “It’s super great,” I said, staring at the potion. I’m dating the two sweetest mares in Equestria, and things are just… so great and fun.”

        “But are they more than just fun?” Life Bloom asked, still staring at me from behind her glasses. Why did she keep looking at me like that? And why did Apple Bloom put the potion in that box?

        “Sure,” I said, shrugging. I mean… I guess they were more than just fun, but really, what was wrong with being just fun? Fun is great. I love fun. “They’re also really sweet and… You know, they’re both just so great.” Even if they don’t care about the real you, the treasonous voice in my head whispered while I definitely didn’t listen to it.
        
Life Bloom just nodded at me. What was she thinking and why–

“Potion’s cool now,” Apple Bloom said, lifting the potion from its box and trotting over to me. Still tastes awful though.”

“That’s fine,” I said, reaching a hoof out to grab the potion. I could’ve used my magic to grab it, but magic runs through your head, and… right now, the emptier my head, the better. I grabbed the potion and downed its contents in a few seconds.

I gagged after somehow finishing off the potion. Seriously, couldn’t they add some sugar to it or… I gagged one more time as my headache faded away. “Thanks,” I said, smiling at Apple Bloom. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t mention it,” she said, frowning and looking between Life Bloom and me. “Though I kinda wish you’d stop getting into situations where I need to brew the potion for you. Moderation ain’t that bad a thing.”

“Indeed,” Life Bloom said, magically adjusting her glasses. “I find myself wondering how you can stay in shape while indulging your… less than laudable habits.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” I said, rolling my eyes at her. “It’s just fun. There’s nothing bad about kissing, or–”

“Eating your body weight in sugar?” Life Bloom asked, filling in for me.

“Yep,” I said, nodding cheerily at her. Or drinking your body weight in alcohol. “If it makes you feel good, what’s the problem?”

“Uhmm… Sweetie, do you know why most ponies don’t just go around kissing and drinking milkshakes all the time?” Apple Bloom said, taking the flask from me.

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging at her. “Probably because they’re boring or don’t find it fun.” It is kind of weird that most ponies don’t do fun stuff all the time, but that’s not my problem. All I can do is have as much fun as I can and hope my friends join me. Having fun would be a lot better if I had it with them.

“No, Sweetie,” Life Bloom said, sighing and shaking her head. “They do it because they have responsibilities. They do it because they know there are things more important than just having a good time.”

I stared at her, literally unable to understand what she was saying. It was like… I recognized the words, but I couldn’t understand the sentence. If I wasn’t having fun, I was miserable.

Life Bloom just sighed. “That’s about the reaction I expected,” she said, shaking her head. “You know, this… unbridled hedonism of yours has gotten worse in the months I’ve known you, right?”

“Of course it has,” I said, giving her the happy confident smile. “I’ve discovered more fun things to do, so I do them more. It’s not exactly a mystery.” Why exactly was she giving me such a hard time about enjoying myself? She was my friend. Friends celebrate each other’s happiness, they don’t… complain about them having too much fun. Is that even a thing?

“Sweetie, Life Bloom and I just want what’s best for you, and… Well, you’re not looking so great right now,” Apple Bloom said, moving to stand next to her marefriend. Even though I was annoyed with both of them for giving me the third degree for ‘having too much fun,’ the fact that they were dating… Oh, I couldn’t wait to have a party celebrating their couple status. It was going to be the absolute best.

Apple Bloom gestured to a mirror hanging on the clubhouse wall, and… Okay, I’d definitely seen better days. My coat and mane were unwashed, my mane was a knot, my makeup was half-faded and patchy, and there were bags under my eyes. “Oh, I just… I didn’t clean myself up before coming here. Guess I kind of forgot, this morning.” Plus, all my makeup and stuff were at Rarity’s, and I had to come here before I could go there. Not that Apple Bloom and Life Bloom needed to know that.

“Look,” I said, smiling sympathetically at them. “It’s great that you’re so worried about me, and I feel a lot better knowing I have you two looking out for me, but I’m fine. I just… You know, I wanted to enjoy myself this morning, so I got into the last of my Nightmare Night candy, and… Yes, I overdid it, but it’s not like I do this every day.”

Apple Bloom just sighed while Life Bloom shook her head. “You’re lucky you can put your body through so much pressure and come out fine on the other side, but that won’t last forever,” Life Bloom said, her stare burning through my coat.

“Alright, thanks for the advice,” I said, trotting out of the clubhouse. It’s great that my friends cared enough to worry about me, but why did they have to be so boring? Why couldn’t they see how much fun I was having? “I promise I’ll keep it in mind the next time I go on a sugar binge.”

“Wait!” Apple Bloom yelled as I left the clubhouse. “You don’t have to leave, Sweetie, we just–”

“I know,” I said, twirling around and giving them both a huge smile. “I just… I need to get going before Rarity starts worrying, I promise we’ll talk more later.” Before they could say anything else, I trotted out of the clubhouse. As much as I’d love to listen to them tell me that enjoying myself was terrible for some reason, I really did need to get back before Rarity started worrying. I glanced at the sun as it sank closer to the horizon. Hopefully, I still had time.


***


        The lights in the Boutique were out and the shades were drawn when I inched the door open, ears straining to find even the faintest noise. I didn’t hear anything, and a quick look around the room revealed it was empty. Giving a sigh of relief, I trotted into the Boutique.

        “Hello, Sweetie,” Rarity said, appearing in the door to the kitchen as the front door clicked shut. Rarity’s horn lit up, and the only door out of the Boutique locked shut.

        “Oh… uh… Hey, Rarity, what’s up?” I asked, smiling at her with as much innocence as I could muster.

        “Well, I had a very interesting day today,” she said, her voice as cold and sharp as ice. “I got a lovely letter from Mr. Rich describing the layout of his new Manehattan store and asking where I thought my dresses would best fit, and I thought ‘isn’t that odd, Sweetie’s having a sleepover with her marefriends at his house, but he’s all the way out in Manehattan’. So, I decided to stop by and see how you were doing, and there’s Diamond Tiara, who just so happens to be taking a few empty alcohol bottles to the trash.”

        Oh no.

“Oh yes,” Rarity said, glaring at me as my smile evaporated. “I extended a line of trust to you, Sweetie, and this is your repayment? Betrayal at every level? Explain yourself.”

        “Uhmmm….” I struggled to think of a reasonable explanation. “I… thought it would be fun, but knew you wouldn’t approve?” That wasn’t it.

        “You’re right about that,” Rarity said, taking a deep breath. “I wouldn’t approve of my little sister running off to get drunk with her marefriends with absolutely no adult supervision. I assume Diamond Tiara convinced you to do this?”

        I frowned. If I was going to get in trouble anyways, the least I could do was tell the truth and make things easier for my marefriends. “Actually, the party was my idea. Like I said, I thought it’d be fun.”

        “Wonderful,” Rarity said, floating a quill and parchment towards her. “Now, I have to write a letter to Mr. Rich explaining that my Sweetie is a bad influence on his daughter.” She shook her head. “And that’s a sentence I never thought I’d have to say.”

        “So… is that it?” I asked, creeping towards the stairs. Maybe I could–

        “Oh yes, thank you for reminding me, Sweetie. Until the end of the year, you can consider yourself grounded. That means: No leaving the house unless it’s for school, no extra-curriculars, no friends coming over, no leaving your room unless given my explicit approval, and I will be accompanying you to all your shows,” Rarity said, her attention refocused on me.

        “You mean I can still do my shows?” I asked, frowning. That seemed weird. Why could I do that but not anything else?

        “Of course, I’m not going to let you welsh out of your obligations. No, you’re going to do your shows, but that’s it. No socializing or partying, just singing. Understand?” she asked.

        I nodded. “I guess, but I don’t see what the big deal is.”

        Rarity rubbed her forehead. “Sweetie, you very obviously do; if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have taken such measures to hide your actions.”

        “Well, I knew you’d get upset, but that doesn’t mean I–”

        “Just go to your room,” Rarity snapped. “I need to clear my head and write this letter to Mr. Rich. After that, we’ll talk.”


***


        I leafed through a semester’s worth of notes. On the upside, this grounding gave me lots of time to study for my finals, but… that was basically the only positive. I flipped through my biology notes and turned to a recent lecture: Cancer: a breakdown in the body’s natural systems, occurring when cells divide uncontrollably. I highlighted the passage and made a note to ask about it during one of our review sessions. I knew cells were supposed to divide, so what exactly was bad about them doing it a lot?

        Rarity knocked on the door and pulled me from my studying. “Can I come in, Sweetie?” she asked.

        “You know you can,” I muttered. “Why even bother giving me a choice?”

        “Because it’s your room,” Rarity said as she opened the door. “And I’m trying to respect your boundaries.”

“You know what would respect my boundaries even more?” I asked, turning to look back at my notes. “If you didn’t ground me for doing something fun. I bet when you were my age, you drank just as much.”

        “That’s… not the point, Sweetie,” Rarity said, trotting to sit next to me. “The point is that you snuck around behind my back and lied to me. I understand better than most the dangers of underage unsupervised drinking, and… if you had told me what you wanted to do, I would have been more than happy to supervise and make sure that you and your friends drank and acted responsibly.”

        “Define responsibly,” I said, looking from my notes to her. 

        “Not what you and your friends got up to last night,” she said, giving me the tiniest of smiles. “There are plenty of ponies who would be more than happy to tell you the dangers of drinking in excess.”

        “Like what,” I asked, rolling my eyes, “having too much fun?”

        “No,” she said, her a dark cloud coming over her eyes. “Like coming to in a strange town with no idea how you got there or how to get back. Like waking up in a puddle of vomit after a heavy bender. Like acting like a complete ass in front of your special somepony and almost ruining your relationship.”

        “Wait, did that last thing happen to you?” I asked, tilting my head. “I mean…”

        Rarity shook her head. “It happened to a dear friend who shall remain anonymous. I merely brought it up as an illustrative example, although… I suppose I have enough horror stories of my own that I don’t need to bring her into this.”

        “Ooh!” I said, my eyes going wide. Maybe I could learn about even more kinds of fun by listening to Rarity’s stories. “Tell me?”

        She shook her head. “While I’m all for illustrative examples, the look in your eyes makes me think you’ll take an entirely wrong message from it. Instead, let me say this: the path you seem intent on taking will only end in regret, and I will do my best to redirect you to a gentler one.” What was that supposed to mean? This path was super fun, nothing to regret about that.

        “But I don’t want a… a gentler one, I want the fun one. The happy one.” I rolled my eyes. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to me.” Could ponies stop worrying about me? Like… just for once, be like ‘Oh, Sweetie Belle, we’re so happy for you, and you totally know what you’re doing.’ Is that too much to ask for?

        Rarity groaned and twitched her ears. “Are you even listening to what I’m trying to tell you, Sweetie, or are you just… I want you to be happy, and I can tell you that unless you are extremely wise and cautious, this path leads only to empty fulfillment and regret. Do you understand me?”

        “Got it,” I said, nodding at her, “you want me to be careful. I can do that.”

        She crashed into my bed with a dramatic sigh. “Please don’t force me to ground you until our parents get back. Neither of us want that.” What? She was going to threaten to ground me forever and then play it like she was the victim? I… A pip of anger burned in my chest.

        “And why would you do that?” I asked, trying not to let my anger show. Getting mad wasn’t very Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle likes fun things and doesn’t get mad at anypony.

        “Because I want you to be happy and safe, and if I’m forced to choose, I’ll pick the latter,” Rarity said, sitting back up. “I don’t like it any more than you do.”

        “I doubt that,” I said, frowning – no, not frowning, I couldn’t frown – and looking down at my pillows. Maybe if she didn’t see me frowning, it wouldn’t count.

        “Look, Sweetie, can you please just think about what I said?” Rarity asked, pushing herself off my bed.

        “Sure,” I shrugged, still not looking at her. “I have plenty of time to, I guess.”

        Rarity just sighed as she trotted out of my room and clicked the door shut, leaving me to stare at the ceiling until I finally fell asleep.


***


        I was back at my dream concert from the night before, but not. The me on stage was the me now, or pretty close to her, and… we were at a different venue. “Why am I back at Button’s birthday? Actually, why am I here at all?” And why could I only seem to remember dreams while I was dreaming?

        “Because some of us want to talk to you,” the me I spoke with the other night said. “And right now, the only pony you listen to is you.”

        “Not true,” I said, turning my attention from the me on stage to the me speaking. “I listen to all my friends.”

        She sighed. “Sweetie, we had the same conversation last night, and nothing’s changed since then.”

        “Yeah, well, I’m still right,” I said, glaring at her. “And how come you’re disagreeing with me? Aren’t we supposed to be the same pony?”

        Other me just shrugged. “You contain multitudes. Some parts disagree with the majority, some fall out of favor, and some just decide to leave.” She turned and gestured towards a portal in the distance. “Your reason and good sense walked through that portal today, said they’d go somewhere they were appreciated, although I’m sure if you started listening to ponies again, they might be persuaded to come back.”

        My eyes watered as I looked at the portal my dream-mes left through. They couldn’t just leave me, they were me. How could they do that? My eyes narrowed. How dare they! I couldn’t even trust my own mind not to leave me, that was… “Fine, I don’t need them anyways.”

“Will you listen to yourself?” the other me asked, her eyes going wide with panic. “You just said you didn’t need your reason or your good sense. You… You understand why that’s insane, right?”

        “No,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t need ponies who will abandon me, even if they’re technically extensions of me.”

        “So if your friends left you tomorrow?” the other me asked, while the stage me continued to sing her song, holding the gaze of the rest of the audience. Was she just singing the same notes over and over?

        I laughed. “They wouldn’t, they love me because I’m exactly who they want me to be. I’m happy-go-lucky innocent filly Sweetie.”

        “No you’re not! You… maybe you were her at one time, but you’re not anymore, she’s dead, and her corpse is being twisted into something terrible, and you don’t even see it because any time we try to tell you something’s wrong, you beat us back down and bury us. It’s okay for you to be yourself. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay for your friends to leave you, that doesn’t diminish your bond with them or get rid of the good times. You… you have to believe me, because we can’t keep doing this.”

        “I’m fine!” I yelled. “I’m fine, and I’m happy, and if ponies could just stop telling me I’m not fine, then everything would be great.” I glared at her. “Maybe you’re right though, maybe I shouldn’t try to keep everypony close to me. Maybe I should take Diamond Tiara’s advice and start cutting ponies who keep trying to make me sad out of my life. Maybe I should start with you, whoever you are.”

        The other me sighed, tears forming in her eyes. “Please… just listen to yourself. This isn’t something a happy mare would say.”

        “You’re wrong,” I shouted after her. “Everything’s going to be fine, and once everypony sees how much fun I’m having, they’re going to feel like big huge idiots for ever doubting–”


***


        I woke up and groaned, staring at the ceiling as my latest nightmare dissolved. I rolled out of bed and looked in the mirror.Why had I been having so many nightmares this weekend? And why couldn’t I ever remember them? It seemed like every couple of hours, I woke up feeling like I was dangling over the jaws of some great monster, but before I could remember why, the feeling faded away. I looked over to my window.

        The sky was just beginning to turn gray outside. I could try and get some more sleep, but if I wanted to properly clean up and put my makeup on before school started… I gave one last groan and shuffled out of bed. Was the weekend already over? It felt like it’d just started, and then I got grounded, and then Sunday… Sunday was so boring it might as well not have happened. I mean, at least I got some time in to study, but… seriously, just being stuck in my room all day is not fun.

        I know I’m supposed to be punished and stuff, and I guess I kind of get why Rarity had to do it, but couldn’t she have just forced me to eat broccoli or something and then let me spend the time with my marefriends before they left me? I had less than a week left with them, and Rarity was being such an over-protective idiot with me. I’m fine. I’m happy. What’s there to worry about?

        Those thoughts continued to turn over in my head as I showered and applied my makeup. Maybe I could skip one of my classes today so I could get some prime kissing time in… Besides, not counting the finals, the last week is pretty easy, and after the acting final today, that class could just be a total blow-off course.

        My reflection yawned as I applied makeup to her. Her eyes were pretty baggy, and she looked like she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in way too long, but a little makeup and… Didn’t Rarity say coffee gave her energy? Maybe I could see about having a cup of that.

        “Hey, Rarity,” I said, shuffling out of the bathroom after finishing my morning routine. “Is there any chance I could have some coffee?”

        She blinked and looked from her newspaper to me as I entered the kitchen. “Are you really sure you need the extra energy? I don’t want to deal with another Sugar Sticks incident.”

        “Come on,” I groaned. “I’m just asking for one cup of coffee so I can get through the day. I’m not going to drink the whole pot… or… is that how much most ponies drink?”

        “It is absolutely not,” Rarity said, trotting over to the pot and magically pulling another mug out of the cupboard. “While I’m fine with you drinking a cup of coffee from time to time – certainly, I have my own rather… extensive coffee habit, I’d prefer it if you drank in moderation.” She filled my mug halfway up with coffee and then added some cream to it. “Celestia knows you don’t need that much added energy.”

        I yawned and staggered towards the counter, quickly grabbing the cup with my magic. “Today I do.” I took a sip of the coffee and gagged. “Needs more sweetness. Too bitter.”

        Rarity just sighed while I floated the carton of cream over to me. “Of course it is… You know, Sweetie, there are other food groups besides sweet. I happen to enjoy the bitter taste of coffee.”

        “That’s crazy,” I said, pouring half-a-hoof of cream into the mug. “Why would you ever want anything not sweet?”

        “Because life’s not just one taste. There are so many different foods out there, so many interesting combinations, why would you ever want to cut yourself off from them because they’re not sweet? Sometimes, a mare wants something savory,” Rarity said, trotting back to her cup of coffee and newspaper.

        “I guess,” I said, rolling my eyes and taking a sip of the new cup. Much better. “I don’t get it though.”

        “We’re all well aware of that,” Rarity said, shaking her head and resuming reading the paper. “Now, let me know when you’re ready and I’ll walk you to the Academy.”

        “Wait, why are you going to do that?” I asked, tilting my head.

        “Because you’re grounded, and that means I will be keeping my eyes on you like a hawk. Giving you the opportunity to run off with your friends defeats the whole purpose of the punishment, doesn’t it?” Rarity asked, looking at me and raising her eyebrow.

        “But I’m not going to run off,” I said, trying to smile at her as I took another sip of coffee. The coffee and cream made the smiling a lot easier. “I promise.”

        Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll have to forgive me if I have a hard time trusting you right now, Sweetie.” Okay, as much as I hated to admit it, she did kind of have a point, she caught me lying to her, but it wasn’t my fault she found out. If she hadn’t gotten that letter from Filthy Rich, everypony would’ve been happy, and I’d be able to sneak off and do more kissing things with my friends… Well, not sneak, obviously, that would be wrong. Still, I knew enough to know that the only thing arguing with Rarity would get me was more trouble.

        “I’m sorry,” I said, frowning and looking at the ground. Maybe if I was really nice and apologetic to her, she might end my punishment early. “You’re right, I… shouldn’t have lied.”

        “Really?” Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow. “Well, I’m happy to hear you apologize, although… you wouldn’t fake an apology, would you, Sweetie Belle?”

        I shook my head and smiled at her. “Of course not, you know I wouldn’t do that.”

        “Of course not,” Rarity said, sighing while I ate my breakfast before school.


***


        The acting final… wasn’t actually that bad. Maybe it was because I spent almost all of Sunday studying, or maybe it was because Lyra knew less about acting than I did, but I was finished with the test in minutes. So was everypony else though, so it was probably the latter. Still, studying all day Sunday probably helped at least a little. I mean, at least I wasn’t the last pony in class to finish; that was Diamond Tiara.

Music class was mostly just reviewing for the final and sitting in the back of the class waiting for everypony to look away so I could sneak a quick kiss from Melody. She’s not much of a fan of public kissing, but I really wanted it, and she’s pretty great about doing what I want, especially if I nibble on her ear a bit. I wasn’t… It’s not like I was convincing her to do something she didn’t want to do, I was just convincing her to do something we both liked, even if she didn’t like doing it where ponies might see. Well, I guess nibbling at her ear doesn’t technically count as convincing, but it got her to do something I wanted her to do.

“So,” Melody whispered while I tried to kiss her. “Did you… Uhmm… did you get the part?”

“Hmm?” I asked, tilting my head. Part. Part. Part… Oh, right. I shook my head. “They’re apparently having some trouble deciding who gets what part, I guess, so Lyra said it’s going to be a few more days.”

In front of us, Vinyl’s attentions were turned towards the board as she reviewed musical octaves or something. Like… I get that not everypony here was musically gifted, but didn’t everypony know that? At least I wasn’t missing out on anything by kissing Melody all class instead of “reviewing.”

“Oh,” Melody said, frowning while I leaned in to kiss her neck. She tried to hide it, but I could hear a little happy sigh escape her lips with each kiss. I think she secretly likes the thrill of kissing in public even if she won’t admit it to me. “Well, if you–”

I kissed her cheek.

“Would you stop it, please?” she asked, turning around to look at me with what passed as a glare for her. “I told you I don’t like kissing in public and now…” She tried to point to the several students who were glancing at us. “Can you just respect what I want? Is that too much to ask?”

“But I thought you liked kissing me,” I said, pouting. What was the big deal? Like… why would she get upset about me kissing her in public. It’s not like it was anything bad.

She sighed and shrunk away from the looks of ponies surrounding us. “It’s… can we talk about this later? Maybe after class.”

“Fine,” I said, still frowning. “But…” Was she going to leave me? Just because I liked kissing her so much I couldn’t contain myself sometimes? “You’re… you’re… not breaking up with me, are you?”

She shook her head, “Of course not, I–”

        “Alright,” Vinyl said turning back to look at the class. “So, if everypony here is done kissing, let’s talk about consonance and dissonance.” A few fillies and colts in the front of class laughed while Melody’s green cheeks burned red. Maybe I wasn’t as subtle as I thought.


***


        “Come on,” Melody said, trotting briskly past the usual lunch table. “Diamond Tiara, we’re having an emergency marefriends meeting.”

        “What about Bright Lights?” I said, taking a few deep breaths and gesturing to my newest friend at the lunch table as I struggled to keep up with Melody. “We all agreed she could join the group, right?”

        Melody turned around and just glared at me. She was… actually a little scary when she was upset. “Fine, she can come along as well, but we all need to have a talk right now.”

        Scootaloo and Life Bloom exchanged glances while Bright Lights and Tiara left the table. “So,” Bright Lights said, keeping pace with me. “are you sure it’s okay if I join your group? I don’t want to step on anypony’s hooves.”

        “It’s fine,” Melody said, a hint of sympathy entering her voice as she found an empty. “I’m just sorry that this is going to be your first interaction with the group. We’re really normally very happy ponies.”

        Okay, so it definitely sounded like I was in trouble, but maybe… maybe there was some way I could turn this around so she wouldn’t be upset with me. “Look,” I said as I took my seat at the new table. “I’m really sorr–”

        “What’s wrong with you?” Melody asked, her voice cracking at the question. “When we met… Do you even care about what we want anymore?”

        “Of course I do,” I said, frowning as my eyes watered. I couldn’t cry now. Not around them. My frown twisted up into a smile. That was better. “I was just doing what I thought you wanted. I kissed you in your favorite places and even tried to not to draw attention to us. What else could I do?”

        “Maybe not kiss me in public,” Melody said, a glint of anger leaving her eyes. I was making progress. Pretty soon she’d be as sweet as she ever was, and maybe I could turn the rest of lunch into a kissing session. Ooh! I could see how Bright Lights was at kissing.

        “Come on,” I said, pouting playfully. “You know I normally would, but… Rarity has me grounded until the end of the year, and that means...” I sniffled and frowned for a second before the smile returned. “That class is the only time I can kiss you for the whole rest of the year. It was bad enough that I wouldn’t have anypony to kiss over break–”

        “I’ll be here,” Bright Lights said. “I’ll be busy doing the set design and planning out the staging, but I’ll be here. If it’s alright with everypony, I could probably–”

        “No, that’s great,” Diamond Tiara said. “I’ll sleep so much easier knowing somepony’s here to kiss Sweetie while I’m gone.”

        “Thank you for being so understanding,” I said, wrapping my hooves around Tiara and drawing her into a big tight hug. “You’re the best… or… one of the best, and I promise when you get back, we’ll have lots of fun kissing stuff to make up for lost time.” I turned my attention back to Melody. “Anyways… I didn’t think I’d have anypony to kiss over break, and then with me being grounded, that meant the only time we had left to kiss was during class.”

        Melody sighed and closed her eyes. “Alright,” she said. “I still don’t want you kissing me in class, but I can understand why you ignored what I wanted… Just… I’m sure we can work something out.” Ha! I did it. She wasn’t mad at me anymore, and now she was willing to compromise with me. Everypony was getting what she wanted. Or at least, we would be. 

        “Maybe we could do some kissing now,” I said, smiling. “If that’s–”

        “Sweetie, we’re in a corner of the cafeteria, that’s not exactly private,” Tiara said, frowning. “I know you really want to kiss us a few times before we have to leave, but you still care about what we want, right?”

        “Of course,” I said, trying not to sigh. Of course, I cared about what they wanted, I just… “Of course, I care about what you all want, but… going the next two weeks without kissing is going to be so hard. I haven’t gone that long without kissing since I discovered kissing, and… I can’t go back to not knowing how awesome kissing is.”

        “Perhaps I could help,” Bright Lights said, smiling at the three of us. “I… Being a unicorn with a talent in theater means I have something of a talent for veils. If you want, I could cast a veil around the table so it just looks like we’re talking.” Something glinted in her eyes. “It’s a bit too intensive for me to cast and kiss at the same time, but if it will make Sweetie happy, I’m glad to do it.”

        “Thank you so much,” I said, pulling away from Tiara so I could hug the newest member of my happy little herd. “You’re just… You’re so sweet, I definitely have to make it up to you once I’m ungrounded.”

        “Just happy to help,” she said, smiling and shooting a glance towards Diamond Tiara. “You’re so nice to everypony, I want to do what I can to keep you happy. Mares as sweet as you are so rare these days, most ponies just care about their own happiness.” Her smile grew.

        “Yep,” Tiara said, matching Bright Lights’ smile and nuzzling my cheek. “I’ve been telling Sweetie the same thing for months. She needs somepony to return the favor and get her anything she wants. Luckily, I can afford just that.” They both loved me so much! I knew how much Tiara cared, but… I hadn’t even had a date with Bright Lights, and she was already willing to do whatever it took to make me happy. How great is that?

        “You two are the best!” I squeaked, wrapping a foreleg around Tiara and a foreleg around Bright Lights and drawing them into a threeway hug. “I have to be the luckiest mare in Equestria to have two ponies who care so much about making me happy.” And obviously, Melody cared a lot too, just not enough to do whatever I wanted. Still, she probably cared a lot.

        Tiara kissed my cheek. “You deserve it, Sweetie Belle. If you ever need anything just let me–”

        “Or me,” Bright Lights said.

        “Know,” Tiara said, her voice frosty. 

        “And… uhmm… I’m happy to help you out too,” Melody said. “I’d just… I’m sorry for getting upset with you, I just… I love how much you care about making other ponies happy, and I don’t want to see you lose that.” I tried not to frown. She still cared about me. She did.
 
As long as I do what she wants.

        I kept my smile up. That wasn’t fair, Melody was the sweetest pony I knew, and… she was just another one of those ponies that got concerned about me for no reason. At least she didn’t punish me for being too happy like Rarity did. Besides, I knew the kiss to turn Melody into a drooling puddle who’d be super happy to do whatever I wanted. Bright Light’s horn lit up and I pressed my lips against Melody’s. I’d get her to love me just as much as Tiara did in no time.


***


        By the time lunch ended, Melody was sighing dreamily and resting her head on my shoulder and giggling at everything I said. 

        What… It’s not like… She was having fun, and everypony was a lot happier now. I didn’t do anything wrong, just reminded Melody how fun kissing was. It was fine. She was fine. She wasn’t upset anymore, and I respected her wishes about kissing in public.

        As I walked to my next class and said goodbye to my marefriends, something in my gut turned that I tried not to listen to. I mean… No, I was fine. I was just reminding Melody how much she loved me and loved kissing me. That’s all.

        The rest of the day kind of passed as… not a blur, but I couldn’t really get myself to focus on anything. My stupid stomach was still in knots, and I kept wishing I had a drink so I wouldn’t feel so… bad. Why was it so hard to feel good? That’s all I wanted, but parts of me kept refusing to be happy. What did I have to be unhappy about?

        “Well, Sweetie Belle?” Mister Moldeaux said. The whole class was staring at me. Had I… Oh right, I was here now. How long had everypony been staring at me?

        “Uhmm… what were we talking about?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Cancer,” he said, his voice flat. Of course, I’d even read through my biology notes on that recently. “What is it?”

Come on, I’d read those notes like… three days ago, I knew this one. “It’s… uhmm… a bad thing that happens. It’s…” I looked to my friends. “It’s… when a pony gets sick and has to go to a doctor to get a spell cast on them to cure it. If they don’t, it can be… bad. Really bad.”

He didn’t respond at all, instead just staring at me through his big black unreadable sunglasses. “Technically correct, but your answer misses the beauty and horror of cancer. Cancer is an imperfection of the body, one that arises organically when a few cells start acting – to risk equinopomorphizing a non-sentient entity – selfishly. The cells propagate rapidly, divert vital bodily nutrients to sustain their rapid growth, and finally, in their greed, destroy the system that supports them. That system of self-destruction is always something that’s fascinated me.”

“Oh, right, that was… that was definitely the next thing I was about to say,” I said, smiling up at him. 

“Of course,” he said, nodding his head and turning back to the blackboard. “And I’m sure I’ll see something very similar to that on the test if I ask a question about it.” Why did he have to do that? Just… call me out for not getting the answer perfectly. I bit my tongue. I couldn’t get angry, I had to be happy. I had to stay happy, otherwise… No, they couldn’t leave me. I just smiled bigger at him. When in doubt, smile bigger.


***


        After class was completely boring. I couldn’t do anything but sit in my room and look through my notes, and outside the room were ponies I could be kissing. I mean… This was all wrong. I needed to be happy, but ever since that stupid party, I’d been less happy than usual. Actually, I’d been a lot less happy, and… I couldn’t be unhappy, Diamond Tiara and Melody practically said they’d leave me if I stopped being happy.

        I needed to be happy.

        Sitting alone in my room, I closed my eyes, and practiced being happy.


***


        I was back at the dream theater… or was it always a theater? Was it always a theater or was it originally a park? I couldn’t remember. No… this was new, it was… why was the singer-me in the school auditorium?

The me on stage was completely beautiful. Maybe a touch bigger than I currently was, she moved on the stage like a candle flame, her eyes the fire’s focus, with a glint of something sharp just beneath the surface. Her voice drew me closer to her, and when I looked into those burning dangerous eyes… I could probably listen to her – me – sing forever. Unfortunately for her-me, attendance seemed a lot smaller tonight. “Where is everypony?” I asked the air.

        “Gone,” the dream-me said. I groaned at her, but didn’t feel as irritated to see her as I usually did. I just… She didn’t make me happy. She wasn’t worth thinking about.

        “Ugh, can you please stop bugging me in my dreams? I’m trying to enjoy myself,” I said, not bothering to look at her and instead listening to the singer-me’s siren song. Listening to it, I felt like I was being pulled into another dream. Could you do that? Go into a dream from another dream.

        “Very shortly, yes,” the other dream-me said. The one who tried to make me not feel good. “I just… I suppose I hoped we could have one last talk before the mold solidified. Maybe if I say the right words…” She sighed and looked at the me on stage. “But how can I compete with a song?”

        “You can’t,” I said, shaking my head. And she was right, the me on stage… well, she sounded like I imagined a siren would.

        “I know,” the me sitting next to me said, tears forming in her eyes. “It was silly of me to dream I could, I just wanted… I want you to be happy – actually happy. I hoped maybe we could… It doesn’t matter. You know what you want, and I can’t persuade you otherwise.”

        I nodded at that. “Thanks for admitting that. I really don’t like arguing with you… or me, I guess. So… Since we’re here talking, what exactly do you… What part of me are you supposed to represent?”

        She gave a sad smile and shook her head. “A part of you that won’t be around much longer. A part of you that gets in the way of you being ‘happy.’” She practically spat out the last word.

        “Huh,” I said, frowning. Maybe I should’ve been sad about that, but there was this song playing and I just… didn’t feel sad. I felt like a week-old balloon sagging on the floor. “Well, if you promise to be happy, you can stay. That’s all I want.”

        The other me laughed and shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way. You want to be happy, so I have to go. It’s as simple as that. I promise, you’ll feel better once I’m gone. You’ll be…” She shrugged. “The mare you want to be.”

        “Oh… well… is there anything I can do for you?” I asked, turning back to the song. The song made me feel better.

        She smiled. “Let me sit next to you while the song plays? Let me just pretend that…”

        I patted the ground next to me and smiled at her. She trotted to sit next to me, and a second later, her head was resting on my shoulder. “Thank you,” she said as our attention was drawn to the singer on stage. “You know, if you… If you ever need me back, I’ll be here.”

        “Shh,” I said, stroking her mane. “Let’s just enjoy the music.” The me on stage sang, and the world around us shrank. The concert hall faded away, and the ponies in the audience vanished one by one, until it was just me and the me on stage left.

        My body felt heavier and heavier with each note played. My legs were leaden, and I just felt so… happy. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but… why should I? If it felt better with them closed, why keep them open? A contented smile played on my lips as my eyes narrowed. The last thing I saw before they closed completely was me standing on stage, perfect and beautiful and burning through the stage and completely happy as three balloons floated away in the distance. It was wonderful.


***


        “Hey, girls,” I said, my usual happy smile plastered on my face as I sat next to my friends and kissed Tiara on the cheek. “How are you doing today? Excited for break? I’m just… so excited, I can’t even begin to describe it.”

        “Really?” Melody asked. “Yesterday, you seemed pretty upset that we’d all be out of town.”

        “What?” I asked, tilting my head and laughing. “No, I’m… I’ll definitely miss you, but I’m sure I’ll have tons of fun on my own.” I smiled at Bright Lights, who was sitting at Socket’s usual spot. “Besides, I won’t be completely alone.”

        “Right,” Tiara said, frowning. Why did she have to be so unhappy about some things? It was just… nowhere near as fun as being happy all the time. Still, a quick kiss on the cheek took the edge off that frown. Better. That was better. My eyes scanned the lunch room and saw a familiar colt trotting out of the lunchroom.

        “Socket!” I yelled, jumping away from the table and trotting over to him before he could make his escape. “Socket! Where’ve you been? We all really missed you.”

        “Uhmm… just taking lunch at the shop,” he said as I shepherded him to the table. He wasn’t about to leave the group on my watch. Friends don’t abandon other friends. 

        “Really? Well, you can have lunch with us today, though, right? I mean...” I bit my lip and gave him my big eyes. “You aren’t going to leave the group, right?”

        “Uhmm… what are you doing?” he asked. Right, I wasn’t… he didn’t want to date me, big cute eyes didn’t work on him as well. More smiles, then. 

        “Nothing,” I sing-songed as we reached the table. “But, just so we’re clear, you aren’t going to leave the group.”

        “No,” he said, “I’m just working on a special secret project, and I kind of need lunch to get it done.”

        “Ooh!” I said as he found a seat next to Bright Lights. “Is it that automated clubhouse you kept talking about? Are you still doing that?”

        “He is absolutely not,” Life Bloom said. “Crusader bylaw 378: No Crusader is allowed to make augmentations to the clubhouse without gaining full approval of all active Crusaders and at least five adult ponies. Crusader bylaw 379: No mana engines. Ever.”

        “Well,” I frowned. “He could still…” I turned to Socket. “What are you working on?”

        “It’s a secret,” he said between shovelling huge bites of food into his mouth. “Can’t tell you.”

        “Excuse me,” Bright Lights said, turning to look at her neighbor. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve–”

        “Socket Wrench,” he said, flecks of food coming out of his mouth. Did he really have to eat and talk at the same time? “Welcome to the Crusade. What brings you to the group?”

        “Uhmmm… I’m actually dating Sweetie,” she said, looking at me and blushing. Oh my goodness, the blush looked just so cute it took all my willpower not to hop over the table and just give her all the kisses.

        “Another one?” Socket asked, raising an eyebrow and looking from me to Bright Lights. “Are you going to leave anypony else for the rest of us?”

        I giggled. “Maybe... It’s definitely possible, but… something tells me no.”

        Before Tiara could growl, my lips were against hers and my tongue darted teasingly into her mouth. I felt her body slacken as she got all happy. That was better. And… why shouldn’t I date anypony I wanted? It would be fun, and Tiara and Bright Lights both told me I deserved anything I wanted, and what I wanted was lots of kisses and fun. I smiled at that thought as my mouth caught Tiara’s moan.

        A familiar unpleasant voice interrupted our kiss. “Excuse me, am I interrupting anything?” I looked up from the kiss, and Dazzler was just… staring at me. Maybe I wouldn’t date her unless she asked really nicely. Maybe even begged a little. After all, she was mean to me, and she had to make up for it.

        “Just my lunch,” I said, going back to suck a little bit of berry chapstick off of Tiara’s lips while the rest of my friends exchanged various glances of not pleased-ness. Life Bloom and Apple Bloom both blushed and looked from me to each other, Socket just focused on his lunch, Scootaloo rolled her eyes, and Dazzler… Dazzler looked like she was about to throw up. Perfect.

        “Anyways,” I said, ending the kiss several beautiful wonderful seconds later. “What’s up?”

        “I’m trying to be friendly,” Dazzler said. “We are supposed to be friends, right?” She tilted her head to look at Bright Lights. “Oh! And you’re having lunch with the mare who’s in charge of casting. Lovely.” Well, if she was here to be friendly, I guess I could...

        Bright Lights smiled as Dazzler took a seat. “I’m not in charge of casting, just giving Lyra my thoughts.”

        “Of course,” Dazzler said, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, Sweetie, I never got to ask how your party was Friday night. It sounded like a lot of fun.” Her smile grew while my friends looked like they’d just been kicked. 

        “Wait, what?” Scootaloo asked, a thought quickly echoed by the rest of my friends. Shoot. 

        “Oh,” Dazzler said, fire dancing behind her eyes. “Did… Sweetie not tell you about that party? I’m sorry, I just assumed everypony knew when Melody told me about it.” I clenched my jaw. She definitely wasn’t here trying to be friendly.

        “You had a party without us?” Apple Bloom asked. I needed to say something to make this okay. I needed to think.

        “Well, it wasn’t really a party, really it was more of a… just a get-together with Tiara and Melody. There was going to be a lot of kissing stuff, so… I figured none of you would want to go.”

        “It did sound fun, though,” Dazzler said. Why did she have to keep talking? Why was she even here at all besides to just mess with me? “Melody told me about how late the three of you stayed up drinking, and… well, I was a little bit envious.”

        “You were drinking!” Scootaloo yelled, her wings buzzing. “Since when have you been drinking?”

        “Uhmm… Since Diamond Tiara introduced me to rum punch, I guess? It’s really tasty, you should try some,” I said, smiling at her and trying to drain some of the tension from the room. Instead, Scootaloo just glared at Tiara. Great, and they’d been kind of getting along for a while, too.

        “It’s…” Tiara stammered. “It was… She was upset after you started yelling at her, and I was just trying to make her feel better.”

        “Is that why you had me make that hair of the dog potion, Saturday?” Apple Bloom asked. 

        “Oh yeah,” Dazzler said, nodding at Apple Bloom. “To hear Melody tell it, she stayed up until dawn just drinking rum punch and champagne. You’re Sweetie Belle sure is the party pony. It must just be… so much fun having her around.”

        “Can I talk with you alone?!” I yelled at Dazzler, feeling not-happiness rise up in my stomach. She… She dared come here to my friends just to start a fight with them. This wasn’t friendly. This was the opposite of friendly. She had to suffer.

        “Of course,” Dazzler said, bowing her head at me and getting up on her hooves. “What do you want to talk about?”

        “Maybe about why you’re trying to get me in trouble with my friends. Why are you doing this to me?” I asked as we got out of earshot of the table. 

        “Hmm… maybe it’s because you hurt Melody yesterday. Maybe it’s because she’s so infatuated with you that she doesn’t even see how terrible you really are. Maybe it’s because, unlike you, I actually care about the happiness of my friends,” Dazzler said, her smile vanishing as she glared at me.

        “I care!” I yelled. “I made sure she was super happy in the end; I gave her what she wanted. She… you should’ve seen how happy she was when lunch ended yesterday.” Was Melody saying bad stuff about me when she wasn’t around? She was definitely giving information to the enemy, and… she’d have to stop that. Actually, it would be a lot better if she and Dazzler could just stop communicating at all.

        “Is that how you see it?” Dazzler said, tilting her head. No matter what, she never seemed to raise her voice. “Because from my perspective, it looks like you’re manipulating her into doing what you want. I can see those tiny gears in the back of your head just turning away, and… can you just leave her alone? She doesn’t deserve to be caught up in your crazy games.”

        “Uhmm… she’s not caught up in anything, Dazzler,” I said, rolling my eyes. “She’s with me because she wants to be, and it sounds like you’re just jealous. Maybe if you were nicer to ponies, she’d like you over me.”

        Dazzler’s eyes lit up. “Melody is my friend. For her sake, I’m trying to be friendly with you, but if you think that means I’m going to let you get away with torturing her, you’re dumber than I thought.” She pressed her lips into a smile. “Now, should we rejoin the group?”

        I returned the not-smile and turned back to the cafeteria. “Why, Dazzler, that would be delightful. I’d hate it if all my friends thought you’d upset me.”

        We opened the door and my table was half-empty. Scootaloo, Socket, and the Blooms were gone, leaving my marefriends behind. “What happened?” I asked as I took a seat between Tiara and Melody, while Dazzler took a seat next to Melody, putting four ponies on one side of the table and one pony on the other.

        “We… might have gotten into a fight,” Tiara said, frowning and not looking at me. “We started arguing about the party, Apple Bloom was mad at you for lying to her, Life Bloom was… Life Bloom, Scootaloo was… I might have gotten a bit defensive with her. She blamed me for everything, said I was corrupting you, and then stormed off. So did Apple Bloom. Life Bloom went after one of them. I think Socket went to the library.”

        I sighed. This… None of this was supposed to happen. My secret kissing party was supposed to be a fun thing, but now it had just turned into so much trouble, and why did all my friends have to be so dumb about it? Kissing and drinking were fun. Really fun. What was the problem, exactly? Ugh, I’d convince them eventually. “Great, can… can you and Melody try to make up with them after class today? I’m going to try and smooth things over with them both during class, but…”

        “You’re grounded, I know,” Diamond Tiara said, sighing and kissing my cheek. “And Melody and I will work on calming things down after somepony decided to to spill all our secrets to the group.” She looked at Dazzler. “Why are you even here, anyways?”

        Dazzler smiled. “Melody is my friend. Can’t a mare have lunch with her friend? And… as for the other things, I had no idea that was supposed to be a secret. I was just trying to make conversation.” I wanted to jump on top of her and strangle her. Not a lot, just… a little bit. Just enough for her to stop trying to ruin things for me. Ugh, why did she hate me so much? I was nothing but sweet.

        I just smiled at her, making sure to bare my teeth. Just a friendly smile that might have possibly hinted at my frustration with her. It’s funny how many emotions you can convey while still smiling.


***


        The rest of lunch was spent making fake pleasant conversation to keep Melody happy while I tried to think of how I could fix this situation with my friends. So far, ideas were pretty short.

        “Hey,” I said, trotting into the Equestrian – language, not history – class and taking a seat next to Apple Bloom. “You’re… not too upset with me, are you?”

        “Why would I be upset?” Apple Bloom said, looking down at her own books. “Sure, you had a secret party, got drunk, and then lied to me to help you cover it up, but… Why would I be upset with my best friend for doing that?”

        Heh. When she put it that way, I kind of sounded like… No, I was fine. “I didn’t invite you to the party because it was for my marefriends only, and last time I checked, we weren’t dating. As for the drinking, I didn’t think that was any of your business, so… why would I tell you about it?”

        “Because Crusaders don’t lie to each other,” she said, glaring at me. Oh, come on, could we still get upset about that law? I mean, they’d lied to me, we’d lied to Scootaloo… Apple Bloom was involved in both of those lies, and now she was mad at me for saying I lied to her about how I got my hangover?

        “We’re all liars,” I said, unable to keep myself from rolling my eyes. “I’m a liar, Scootaloo’s a liar, you’re definitely a liar. We lie. Don’t act like me lying to you is some big betrayal of our friendship, because we’ve been lying to each other since we met… Or was telling me how great an actress I was not lying?”

        “I…” she stammered at me. “You know, at least when I lied to you, I felt bad about it and knew it was wrong. You… You’re just staring at me, smiling, and sayin’ it’s totally fine. I can’t believe you, Sweetie. You were the sweetest, kindest, most carin’ pony I knew, and now you’re… You know, I don’t even want to look at you right now.”

        Fine. Whatever. She wanted to act like she was… better than me? To act like… What? I don’t even know. I was fine. She was the one lying to herself, acting like her lie was somehow better than mine. Like… is it okay to lie as long as you feel really bad about it afterwards? Because that’s stupid. And… what’s the big deal about lying anyways? It’s just telling ponies what they want to hear to make them happy. That’s practically a good thing. Besides…

        “You’re lying to all your friends right now, or did you just forget about your secret relationship with Life Bloom? Or does a secret relationship not count as lying, somehow?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

        “Could ya stop that?” Apple Bloom asked, looking at the ponies around us. “Ya made your point, just… please stop mentioning that I’m dating Life Bloom.”

        “So you admit you’re just as much a liar as I am?” I asked, pointing a hoof at her as more ponies trotted into the class.

        “Yes, fine, just…” She shook her head. “You know, I was worried about you.”

        “But you’re not anymore?” I asked, letting my smile grow a bit.

        She shook her head and looked back at her desk as the bell rang. “No, I’m not worried about you, anymore.” Yes! Finally, somepony who wasn’t worried about me for no reason or… There had to be a better way to put that. Either way, I finally had somepony who didn’t care about what I was doing. Why couldn’t the rest of my friends feel like Apple Bloom did?


***


        Scootaloo was waiting for me outside the door to my Equestrian class. “Hey,” she said, ambushing me as I trotted out of Miss Octavia’s class. How did she get here so fast? “Apple Bloom, did you talk to her or…”

        “Nope,” Apple Bloom said, trotting off to her next class. “She’s all yours to deal with. Have fun.”

        “What was that about?” Scootaloo asked as Scootaloo and I walked over to our math class.
 
        “I don’t know,” I said, magically adjusting the straps to my saddlebags as we walked. “I mean… it’s great that she isn’t worried about me anymore, I just thought it would make her be a bit friendlier.”

        Scootaloo narrowed her eyes and glanced at me. “What do you mean she isn’t worried about you anymore?” She shook her head. “Never mind, we can talk about that later. Right now… What were you thinking, going out drinking? Don’t you know… You know, I was really starting to like Diamond Tiara, but now she’s convincing you to drink and… I don’t even want to think about her right now.”

        “What’s the big deal about drinking?” I asked. “Everypony’s acting like I did some really bad terrible thing, but… I’m maybe a few years away from being able to legally drink, anyways, but everypony’s acting like I did the worst possible thing ever. Well guess what, it wasn’t bad, it was super fun, and if I get the chance, I’m totally going to do it again, so… just get used to it.”

        “Well, it’s not like you,” Scootaloo said, frowning and looking back at me. Okay, that was total horse-hockey. Drinking because it was fun was exactly what I’d do.

        “Uhmmm… Do you even remember the day after Nightmare Night? Or that time loop where… Okay, I guess you wouldn’t remember that one, but we both know I’m the fun mare. I’m the pony who eats a lot of sugar and ice cream and drinks a lot of alcohol. If it’s fun, I’m going to do it,” I said, causing a few ponies we were passing to glance at me. I felt a few stallions’ eyes linger on me for a few seconds longer than everypony else. Was it bad that I enjoyed the fact they were looking at me? I just… Maybe I like feeling like the center of attention.

        “That doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Scootaloo said, picking up her pace to get away from the ponies glancing at us. “I get wanting to do fun stuff, I do… Maybe your idea and my idea of fun aren’t the same thing, but I get it. I also know you can’t just do whatever you want all the time.”

        “And why not?” I asked as we reached the classroom. “Why would I ever want to do something I don’t want to do? It’s… it feels weird to even have to say that.”

        “Because it’s not healthy!” Scootaloo snapped, whipping her head around to look at me. “Because doing what you want all the time is ridiculously bad for you. Can you even run a hundred hooves without gasping for breath?”

        “I don’t see how that’s… That’s not the point,” I said as we took our seat. She was my best friend, and I still wanted her to be my best friend, but why did she have to be so difficult? Between her and Rarity, it was like the ponies I cared about most were turning on me. Everypony was turning on me, trying to ruin my happiness, but… I couldn’t let them. If I did, they’d leave me for not being the Sweetie Belle they wanted me to be.

        Scootaloo sighed and thunked her head against her desk. “You don’t see how… Sweetie, you’re… When we get back from break, you’re going to start training with me, alright?”

        I groaned. “Do I have to? That sounds like the exact opposite of fun. It’s totally cool that you want to spend more time with me, but can’t we do something I enjoy instead? Ooh! Maybe we could throw a big party with lots of sugar and sweets and drinks? Doesn’t that sound way more fun than working out?”

        My friend took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “How about this, you keep up with my exercise program, and… I’ll go to whatever parties you decide to throw and I’ll be fine if you drink during them.” Now that sounded like fun.

        “Will you drink as well?” I asked, looking up at her with big pleading eyes and smiling. “It’s no fun drinking by yourself.” Actually, that probably wasn’t true. Drinking was always fun, but that was something ponies said to each other, so maybe she’d buy it.

        “Fine,” she said, shaking her head and pulling a notebook out of her bag. “If that’s what it takes to get you into shape, I’ll do it.”

        I threw my forelegs around her in a tight hug. “Oh! I promise you’ll have so much fun you’ll wonder why you ever thought drinking was bad. I bet by the time I’m through with you, you’ll want to be just like me.”

        I was so happy she’d agreed to meet me halfway, I even made a point of ignoring her when she muttered “I hope not.”


***


        Five minutes before school was out, Mr. Moldeaux got a message saying I was supposed to head to the front office as soon as possible. Was Rarity really that worried about me possibly having a fun moment with my friends that she was pulling me out of class early? Sure, on the upside, I got out of class early, but why had she been acting so weird the past few days? Had everypony but me gone crazy? Either way, it definitely wasn’t fun. 

        “Hey, Rarity, what’s up?” I asked cheerfully as I trotted into the office, a huge smile on my face.

        “Well, Sweetie,” she said, nodding at me. “You know I’m going to be leaving town for a few days after Hearth’s Warming, and I thought, if it was agreeable to both parties involved, you might stay with Miss Octavia while I’m gone. That’s alright with you, I trust?” The way she said it made it seem like it didn’t matter if it was alright with me or not. Not like I cared that much, Miss Octavia was… well, she was super strict, but she was kind of nice, and Miss Scratch was super fun. Her final today was actually just one question: What did you learn in this class?

        “Sounds fun,” I said, “I mean… You know, I’ll get to be grounded in her house instead of our house. What could be better?”

        Rarity’s eyes twinkled at that. “Well, maybe if you behave, Santa Hooves will end your punishment early.”

        I rolled my eyes. “Nice try, Rarity, I know Santa Hooves isn’t real, and…” I trailed off as I saw her staring at me. “Oh.”

        “Indeed,” she said as the bell rang. “And I believe that’s our signal to depart. Come along, Sweetie Belle.” Ugh… could she maybe try not bossing me around like I’m some sort of pet? Oh well. I smiled big as we trotted out the door.

        “Coming, big sister,” I singsonged.


***


        I stared at my reflection. I looked great. All my make up was on right, I looked as sweet and happy as I ever did, but something felt off, like… it felt like when I lost one of my baby teeth and kept tonguing the empty space. I looked at me and my skin bristled. Something was off, and I didn’t know what it was… I smiled and smiled until the prickling faded. That was better. Giving one last look at my reflection, I hummed a happy tune and trotted downstairs. “Hey, big sister,” I said, taking my seat at the breakfast table. “Excited for your romantic thingy with Applejack? It’s only like… what, a couple of weeks away?”

        She smiled at the mention of her marefriend and a faraway look entered her eyes. “Yes, in fact, I am, Sweetie Belle. Thank you for asking. How are…” She trailed off. “Nevermind, I hope… You aren’t too mad at me for grounding you, are you?”

        Of course I was! Well, not mad, exactly, mad wasn’t happy, but… I only had a few days left with my marefriends before they left to wherever, and I couldn’t spend time with them because my sister had to get all “concerned.” It’s… “Nope, I’m fine,” I said, smiling at her. 

        “Are you sure?” Rarity asked, frowning at me. What, she didn’t believe me? I was smiling at her and happy and everything. “Sweetie, I understand why you might be upset with me, but I am trying to help you. There’s nothing I want more than to see you happy and well-adjusted.”

        “I know,” I said, still smiling at her. I trotted over and wrapped my forelegs around her neck. “And that’s what makes you such a great big sister. I’m… I’m really sorry for getting upset with you earlier.”

        Rarity sighed. “Thank you, Sweetie, I really needed to hear that.” She idly stroked my mane. “I’m glad to see the sweet filly I raised hasn’t been completely erased.”

        “Of course not,” I said, drawing my hug tighter and smelling her fur. She always managed to smell so nice, I mean… maybe not Diamond Tiara nice, but it was still good. “You know me, I’m...” Why couldn’t the words come out right? What did I want to say? What did I need to say? “You know me.”

        She didn’t say anything, and instead just kept stroking my mane. It wasn’t… We’d done something like this earlier. The both of us sitting in each other’s silence, but this time was… It felt different. Hollow, maybe.

        Eventually, the hug ended, we finished breakfast in silence, and Rarity escorted me to school.


***


        The rest of the day passed with that same kind of energy. Odd silences and friendly smiles as I did my best to act like me. Is that funny? That I had to act like me? It sounds weird, right?

        “Are you alright?” Melody asked, bringing me out from wherever my head was. We were at lunch now. When did that happen? My tongue pulled back from the empty place.

        I smiled at her. “Yeah, of course I am. Why do you ask?”

        She frowned and I could see something wet in her eyes. “It’s… you’ve been acting strange ever since the party. Did we do something wrong?”

        “Of course not,” I said, kissing her quickly on the cheek. She really didn’t have a problem with quick kisses. “You and Tiara are great. You’re the best. You both are.”

        “Alright,” she said, looking around to make sure nopony was paying attention to us before nuzzling my neck. “And… if you want to talk about anything, you’ll tell me, right? I’m always here for you.”

        “I know,” I said, my tongue drifting back to the empty space. “You’re the best.”


***


 I needed a drink. That was the answer. Well, maybe more than one drink, but… If I had a few drinks, I’d feel better, less… fuzzy. Did that make sense? It’s really weird to explain the feeling, but the whole world felt… almost deflated. Grayer even? Could things feel gray? Because no matter what I did, things felt gray.

How long had I been laying in bed, and… I tried to think more about the day. Apple Bloom and I had talked about something, but I kind of wasn’t paying attention to her while she talked. I mean… Ugh, I know that makes me a bad friend, but I couldn’t help myself, there were so many other things to think about. Better things.

Maybe that’s it, I thought, tilting my head. Sure, I couldn’t do what I wanted, but at least I could imagine it, right? I closed my eyes and was transported back to my party with Tiara and Melody. Tiara was licking my horn and lowering me down onto her couch. Next to me, Melody was holding a glass of rum punch, bringing it up to my lips whenever I needed it. In the dream or in reality, my hoof idly stroked my stomach, and… I don’t know why I was so sensitive all of a sudden, but the touch of my hoof felt great. Way better than I ever thought a hoof touch could. Huh.

In the dream, Melody brought her lips to mine, and I sucked the rum punch off them. I took another sip of the goblet and felt some of the punch dribble down my muzzle. Melody licked it up for me. My muscles tightened and released. I was in heaven.


***


        I let out a happy sigh as I trotted to class. After spending the last few days… I guess you could call it fantasizing, I finally felt relaxed and could even go awhile without poking my tongue in the empty spot. Outside my acting class, everypony was gathered around and looking at a sheet of paper hanging from the door. Before I could ask what was going on, I felt Diamond Tiara’s forelegs wrap around me and I gave another happy sigh.

        “Congratulations, Sweetie Belle,” she said, kissing my neck and then cheek. 

        “What’s going on?” I asked, looking between her and the paper. Oh, right… it probably had something to do with the auditions. “Did I get the–”

        “Of course you did,” Tiara said before I could finish. “You…” She trailed off and glanced away from me as the news sunk in and I felt my spirits shoot up into the sky. “I’m glad you got what you wanted.”

        “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” I said, trotting in place. “Tiara, do you know… I’ll have a chance to play in front of the entire Canterlot nobility, this… do you know what this means for me?”

        “Indeed, I do,” Bright Lights said, trotting up behind me. “You have a wonderful opportunity. Don’t waste it.”

        “I won’t,” I said, swiveling around and giving her a hug. I pulled away a second later as I felt somepony’s eyes on me. Dazzler. Of course it was her. Here I was, having a huge moment, and she was just… there on the edge, trying to make me feel not happy. I earned this, and she wasn’t going to get me down today. Or any other day. Nopony was.

        I smiled and waved at Dazzler, but she just kept staring at me. Yeah, she definitely wasn’t in a friendly mood today, but then… was she ever? I shrugged it off and turned back to celebrate with my real friends. The ones who didn’t try to make me feel bad.


***


        “Socket!” I yelled from my spot at the lunch table. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was actually heading towards our table, and he had a wagon full of stuff behind him. Was it for me? Or the rest of my friends?

        “Hey,” he said, unhitching himself from his wagon. “Sorry for being gone so much lately, I was just working on everypony’s Hearth’s Warming gifts. I really hope you like them.”

        “I’m sure we will,” Life Bloom said as Socket passed a long rectangular box to Scootaloo. The second the box was in her hooves, Scootaloo started tearing into it, ripping apart the wrapping paper in a few seconds.

        “Cool” Scootaloo said, opening the box and pulling out a scooter. “Another scooter, I can always use those.” That was true, she broke, like, one a month. I don’t know how she can afford so many of them. Probably because of whatever her mom does.

        “Not just any scooter,” Socket said. “I designed this one to be as aerodynamic, lightweight, and durable as possible. It wasn’t easy doing those last two things, but… I think it turned out alright. Let me know how it is?”

        “Totally,” Scootaloo said, getting on her new scooter and giving her wings a few test flaps. 

        “One more thing,” Socket said as he handed out another box to Apple Bloom. “I talked with one of the mares in the enchanting class, and… the metal’s been enchanted with a cloudwalking spell and a slow-fall spell, so you should be able to scooter around in Cloudsdale without falling to your death. Although… you might want to test that one out, first.”

        “I can’t believe it, this is the coolest thing ever,” Scootaloo said, circling the scooter around our table a few times and almost knocking over somepony walking to her lunch table. Whoops.

        “Like I said, test it out first. I checked the spell crafting a few times, and… Just test it,” he said. 

        “Wow,” Apple Bloom said, opening her box and pulling out… something. It looked like a squat little box  with a lid on top of it. Was the gift inside of it or… “A centrifuge, how did you…”

        “Well, I figured you could use something to get purer reagents, and… the centrifuge is pretty good at that. So… You like it?” he asked, going back to his wagon pile. 

“Of course, I do,” Apple Bloom said, “You’re a great friend, Socket, and… This is probably the nicest gift I’ve ever gotten. Thank you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, pulling another rectangular box out of the pile and giving it to Melody.

“Oh, you didn’t have to make me anything,” Melody said, pushing the box away from her.

“Come on, just open it,” he said, pushing it back to her. Between her and Apple Bloom’s gifts, the table was getting a little crowded. At least, Scootaloo’s gift didn’t need to be on the table (and something told me we’d have a hard time getting her off it).

“Alright,” she said, daintily peeling away the wrapping, careful not to rip it. “If you’re sure, I’d be happy to–” She stopped and gave a quick squeal. A second later, her forelegs were wrapped tightly around Socket’s neck, and I felt a little pang of irritation in my stomach. What the hay? She was just going to hug Socket because he got her a really nice gift? That was… she was dating me.

I looked over to her gift box just to see what was so great about it, and… Okay, he got her a portable lightweight piano. That was a pretty great gift. I mean, if he got me a gift that sweet, I’d at least give him a kiss on the cheek. “This is… thank you so much,” Melody said. 

“Heh, no worries,” Socket said as the hug ended. “Just figured you could probably use it. And… I wanted to add a bunch of other settings and stuff to it, but I couldn’t figure it out in time. Hopefully, you’re okay with it just making piano noises.”

“That’s all I wanted,” Melody said, trotting back to her spot on the table and turning it on. She pressed a few keys (how could she play with hooves, exactly? It seems… weird), and nodded her head. “Thank you, Socket.”

“No worries,” he said, pulling the second to last box in the wagon out and hefting it over to Diamond Tiara. “Uhmm… I didn’t really know what you needed, but I thought…” Tiara opened the packaging and looked at the big square thing inside. “It’s… It’s supposed to turn coal into diamonds.” He scratched his head. “Maybe… I thought you’d like it because it turns something bad into something good, and… you know, ‘diamond’ is in your name, so I just figured… Hope you like it.”

“It’s wonderful,” Tiara said, giving him a small smile that Socket quickly returned. “It’s… thank you for the thoughtful gift.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, looking back to the last box in the wagon. “LB, your gift is pretty heavy, so… I wouldn’t take it off the wagon until you get back to your room… Or maybe find a more open space for it.”

“A task that would be made easier if you told me just what was in the box,” Life Bloom said, tapping her glasses and looking at her gift. Did he not get me anything? What the hay? I deserved a gift just as much as the rest of my friends did. Did he just not like me for some reason?

“It’s a graphite furnace. It’s used for… you know, you can use it to better figure out the chemical composition of various–”

“I know what a graphite furnace is,” she said. “And I’m amazed you could make one by yourself.” She sighed and looked at his cutie mark. “But then, considering that you can make an almost-functional mana engine, I shouldn’t be too terribly shocked.” She smiled at him. “I promise to make the most of this gift… Apple Bloom, perhaps we could combine our gifts to work on recreating Sweetie’s intelligence potion.” Life Bloom lowered her voice. “The barn at the usual time?”

“Sounds great,” Apple Bloom said, trying to fit her gift in her saddlebag. She flashed a tiny smile to Life Bloom. “I’ll brew the potions, you’ll brew the coffee?”

“Of course,” Life Bloom said. “We leave tomorrow for our vacation, so I feel it’s absolutely imperative we get as much work done as we can before then.”

I rolled my eyes, feeling something snippy and sharp in them. “Like it matters that much,” I said. “The two of you will get to spend all break together making potions anyways. But no, please remind me of how much fun you’re going to be having while I’m at home grounded.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be grounded if you hadn’t gone around throwing secret parties. You brought this down on yourself,” Apple Bloom said, her smile twisting into a glare.

“And you’re just upset that I didn’t invite you,” I fired back. How could she just sit there and judge me like that? “Well, whenever you and Life Bloom have your own kissing parties, which I’m guessing is what you two will actually be doing in the barn tonight, you don’t have to invite me.” The look on her face as I pulled out her secret for everypony to see, it made me feel… Well, I felt happy, but not my usual happy. Still, happy was happy, right? Besides, she deserved it.

“You two… you’re dating?” Socket stammered. Oh. Right. That’s why they were keeping the thing secret in the first place. Something panged inside me. Something that definitely wasn’t happy. There was… I just… I couldn’t be part of this, if I was, then I’d stop being happy, so I just got to my hooves and twirled away dramatically, leaving them behind to deal with… whatever. As I walked away, I never stopped smiling.


***


        “Sweetie Belle!” a voice behind me called as the last bell of the semester rang. Apple Bloom hadn’t wanted to talk to me during Equestrian, and… I guess Scootaloo had sided with her since we didn’t really say much in math class, either. Luckily, we had our test in science today, so I didn’t have the chance to be ignored by them there. As soon as the bell rang, I was out the door and wasn’t looking back. I couldn’t.

        “Sweetie Belle,” another voice said, this one much closer to me and far less friendly. Dazzler appeared beside me.

        “Oh, hey,” I said, trying to make the cheer in my voice sound especially insincere. “Have you come to cause any more fights with my friends, or–”

        “I came to apologize,” Dazzler said, her voice as flat as ever as we walked to the school’s exit. “Perhaps I have been a bit rude, and I’d like the chance to sincerely make amends. Name your price, and it’s yours.”

        “Why?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. Something told me she hadn’t just changed her mind on me for no reason. Unless… Oh! She was the understudy for Green Hooves. “You just want my part,” I said, glaring at her.

        Now that I had something she wanted, she was going to play all nice with me. “That’s how it works, isn’t it? You go up to Sweetie, act friendly, and she gives you whatever you want. Sweetie’s always such a…” I ground my teeth. I had tried being friends with her, I really had, but she’d just… and now she… “Well guess what? It’s not going to happen, I… You get me and my friends into a huge fight, and now you think that just because you can say a few nice words and act sincere that I’ll give you anything you want?”

        I wanted to stop… This anger wasn’t me, it wasn’t nice, it wasn’t happy, but… yelling at her, it made me feel so good, and that’s really all I wanted. Besides, if she didn’t care about me, why should I care about her?

        Dazzler tried to say something, but I wasn’t about to let her get a word in. “Well… I’m not that filly anymore. I’m not...” I was though, wasn’t I? I needed to be her so my friends wouldn’t leave me, but I… My head hurt. “Just… you know, I liked you better back when you were honest enough to just say you hated me.”

        “I just disliked you before,” Dazzler said, glaring at me. “but whenever I try to give you the benefit of the doubt, you always make me regret it.”

        “Good,” I said. She was just jealous that I was a better actor than her. I just… Why did she have to hate me so much? If she’d given me the chance, I would’ve been friends with her. Instead… 

“I can make her hate you,” I whispered, the words sounding like knives. It was mean, but… seeing that hurt in her eyes felt so good. Is this why ponies were mean to each other? Because of how good it felt? It felt good, but at the same time, I really wanted to just… vomit. This wasn’t me? Right?

        Then why did I say it?

        Dazzler didn’t say a word as I marched away, but the look in her eyes followed me all the way home.