Dear Twilight Sparkle:
I know you want a new sex slave;
I found a zebra who will always behave.
Sincerely, Zecora.
Dear Zecora:
No thanks. Zebras are icky.
Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Epona:
I told you that hanging out with that bald ape would get you sick one day.
Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle:
You hang out with a dumb fax machine. I have way better company for those long, lonely nigh- oh wow, that did not come out right.
Sincerely, Epona.
Dear President Mustangascar:
Don’t worry about the diseases over in Afriquestria. The chances of an infected pony (or zebra) getting into your country are minimal. So please don’t shut everything down again. It’s making it hard for me to send your birthday present.
Sincerely, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: If you decide to open your borders up, I’m confident that the Apple family’s special apple tree (which they have named “Bloomberg, Jr.”) will be a delightful addition to your royal garden.